No surprises

The news from the Big Footy Melbourne forum is that Kris Barlow has turned down the offer to be a Sandringham Zebra in 2005. Whether this is true or not is yet to be seen but if you can't trust a Hawthorn fan called "Fabulous" for your hot gossip and football rumor then there's clearly nothing left to believe in.

I would like to volunteer to take the spot if they can't find anybody else. I'll work for minimum wage and provide the sort of heartwarming "Look, he can't actually play the game. How cute" story that Today Tonight and dumbass Hollywood producers will be all over. The minor outlay will pay out a thousand times over after the footage of goals missed from point blank range and an unconcious Adam sprayed across the MCG turf from an attempted shirtfront that wouldn't have hurt a 12-year-old schoolgirl is turned into a major motion picture. Makes sense to me anyway.