Lightning the load

For those of you who are into religious matters, a) isn't it a bit unusual to follow the Demons?, and b) what have we done to be involved in so many lightning stoppages? Off the top of my head, there's the inaugural AFLW game, West Coast nearly running us down, the unnecessary delay to a final round slopfest nobody cared about, and now this game x2. For the sake of the narrative, let's pretend the lights went out in Bendigo and Brisbane for the same reason (and an AFLW practice game. We're a destination club). Now this. Maybe it's delayed cosmic justice for rorting the draft in 2009.

This was the first time we've had two lightning stoppages, and you could tell from the first shot of the broadcast that there was something evil in the sky. I was expecting more 'unmerciful pissing rain' like the GWS/Sydney game, but I'm not sure there was a single drop of rain during the game. But somewhere within 10km there was lightning, and that was enough to shut up shop. It's one thing packing up on the second delay in a throwaway game like this, but let's have a match not involving us that is stopped three or four times, with scores close enough that there'll be a riot if it's abandoned with the result standing. We won't be involved any time soon, so why not a Grand Final? Fair chance I've called for this scenario in every post linked above.

Who knows what the City of Ballarat paid to host three games over the weekend, like an even worse version of Opening Round, but I bet when the 4pm start was agreed they were more concerned about the traditional pre-season heat than storm havoc. Especially when the stadium's lights were capable of about 1 more lux than your traditional Coles Homebrand globe.

Luckily, there were as many people in the crowd as watching at home so people will still associate Ballarat with Sovereign Hill rather than unseen violent electrical storms. Surely they had better lights at some point and are in the process of installing proper, AFL standard ones as part of the  stadium upgrade. It's been 11 years since the ground announcer kept describing the stadium as Footscray's "new home ground" as if he knew something the rest of us didn't. They've only progressed to having a stand under construction now, but the sight of unfinished concrete gave me instant Gawn after the siren flashbacks. To be fair, walking down the street reminds me of that blessed event. The difference was these were on the wing, so instead of aiming the most important set shot in modern history at concrete, you'd have to kick spectacularly OOF to land the ball in the construction zone. If any teams could pull it off, it was Richmond post-dynasty and/or us post-one hit wonder.

I'm happy with our draftees, but a bit sad that Richmond got a guy called 'Peucker'. Rarely do you find somebody who provides a choice of spew or flange references. Such a thing is too important to be left in the hands of Dwayne Russell, so thank god the Peuck wasn't available and we didn't have to listen to Dwayne focus testing 'spontaneous' gags that will 'randomly' crop up later in the season when people are watching. Also, on the claims that a Richmond player is nicknamed "Sizzle", somebody will be hearing from my lawyers. The rest of the commentary team were fine (Brad Johnson lineball, but hooray for Jess Webster being good so we can hang shit on Kelli Underwood and be clear it's got nothing to do with gender), but this guy is going to give me the shits again. I'd still have him over BT, but that's like choosing Smallpox or Malaria. Jason Bennett is a free agent after Channel 7 sacked him for displaying insufficient levels of buffoonery, he'd be a decent balance to Dwayne carrying on like a pork chop.

Speaking of the coverage, which has been a better talking point than our football in recent years, based on the pre-match interviews Steven King may be the nicest person alive. I've come to appreciate that this is a better way to start than fire/brimstone coaches telling players how shit they are, but lets see if he descends down the Misery Index when things get serious. Pre-season performance is not a reliable indicator of future success, but it's hard to know what to believe after playing ourselves, an unofficial game against last year's 16th best team, and little more than a half against 17th.

The first two minutes were good for football and shit for footballers. It started with Gawn sticking the ball down Steele's throat at the first bounce, which was nice, but in the absence of Mihocek (concussed) and Jefferson (midweek foot explosion), our first two forward entries sank without a trace. Then just as Kentfield was about to mark after a fantastic lead he got elbowed right on the top of his head, one of the few spots not previously broken. 

Kentfield escaped concussion, but was stunned badly enough to hit the ground like a crash-landing plane and do his knee to a degree unknown at time of publication. There's no such thing as a 'good' knee injury, but it's shithouse timing for somebody who came back from the dead to where he could've easily been given the Jed Adams special taster game post-Goodwin. Then he plays through a recently busted face, took his accidental chance last week superbly, then does exactly what you'd want of him and goes down after copping a slapstick, Three Stooges-style blow to the head. Yes, I am over-correcting out of guilt at suggesting he was a certainty to be delisted halfway through last year.

He joins our growing injury leaderboard, where we're responding to the misleading information about player return controversy by not giving any. 

Note: Apparently, the sacrum is "a large, triangular-shaped bone at the base of the spine", not something plum related.

As Kent hobbled off with two trainers, whoever makes the final decision on lightning stoppages was nice enough to wait for Harvey Langford to take the free kick. "I think they're reviewing it", said you know who. Unless he meant the weather report, they weren't. A week after we nearly became the first team to nearly 'lose' (technically) a game after the siren despite being 86 points in front, this was another trailblazing moment. Surely no team has ever had the injury, goal, game stopped trifecta.

So, two minutes into the game it was back to the rooms, where players had to find ways to fill the time so apparently engaged in a Men's Shed inspired discussion group. I bet Amazon Prime saw this and kicked themselves at not starting season two of the documentary in Ballarat.

this is what it looks like when the pre-season is culminating pic.twitter.com/JLsNG1RMrc

— Emlyn Breese (@EmlynBreese) February 27, 2026

It was too dangerous for play to continue, but not for Jack Viney and Ben Dixon to stand one metre over the boundary line having time-filling chit-chat. In the second most profound thing he's said at a Richmond game (after the time he won the medal and said Australia was really good), Jack pointed this out. I'm no lightning expert, but I guess there's more chance of it finding 36 players + umpires than two blokes and a cameraman. Obviously Dwayne was having a whizz when this was happening, because five minutes later he goes "Nobody's allowed on the ground, we better get Dicko off". Mars Stadium is not just a stadium name, it's a fitting tribute to whatever planet this guy comes from.

Half an hour later we were back to defend the 6-0 lead, and soon doubled that when Gawn marked at close range. You'll never guess what the topic of conversation was on commentary, and even after he'd kicked it perfectly they'd barely finished defaming his set shots by the time Richmond responded. We then got the season's first mention of 'Fritz', JVR was called McDonald, and it was said that if we'd "known" Kentfield would be injured we may have played Heath. As well as, or instead of? Because I'd be outraged if we had holy visions of a player getting hurt and still sent him out to play. As we were without a second ruckman, I preferred McDonald as backup instead of van Rooyen. 

This game was only marginally more useful than last week for judging the future, but we were on top for everything other than converting chances and stopping Richmond kicking goals from the top of the square. I get the feeling May is never coming back, which is big news for my claims that Petty was his natural replacement. If it doesn't happen I'll be blaming him spending two years as a forward, and he was a bit ropey in his first game for the season but I'm not giving in yet. At least they left him down there after Kentfield was injured, last year Petty would've been flung into attack at warp speed under these circumstances.

After potentially premature claims that our forward line looked dangerous last week, the talls were doing nothing (for now), but enter Chandler, Sharp, and Tholstrup with a nice long set shot. Sadly no "Sellies" this week as I'm sure it cost us Logie Award winning commentary. I'm tempted to say you had to weight this performance against the opposition, but Richmond wasn't that much worse than us last year with an average age of about 15. We're definitely not kicking 7.2 in many first terms this year, but regardless of the opposition and use of the wind you'd be a miserable bastard to complain. 

If we're going to be an average side again, I'd rather go down swashbuckling than lose 52-57, but based on limited exposure against rebuilding teams, this could be Baileyball's Revenge. We'll look like the greatest show on earth a few times during the year, and each will be followed by fans gouging their eyes out in a fit of self-loathing. The difference is that Bailey had to build from the lost ruins of an average civilisation with shadowy forces operating around his, while King has inherited a half-decent team which has already been warmed up with recent top draft picks so I don't think it will flame out as badly.

Due to the delay, quarter and half time breaks were shortened. Which makes you wonder why you can't do that in every game? Jeff Kennett's post-1999 strike rate for sensible comment is about 3%, but he was bang on that if you want to shave some time off games start here. It's probably because in pre-season, the broadcaster can do without a few minutes of ads. Like the one for a show with a guy racking up multiple wives purely for the mad rooting opportunities. Fortunately, there was no sign of that dickhead kicking a footy through his window (or Tayla Harris and her eye jumper), but if they don't get the core sponsors back by Round 1A, Kayo will put their price up to $100 a month.

Richmond was taking this seriously in every way except their jumper with the all-yellow front which looked like the sort of generic top you'd buy for $10 from Victoria Market to play indoor soccer in before Temu was invented. They had a good start to the quarter before JVR decided he didn't give a stuff about the wind and kicked two in quick succession. One came from a nice pass by Laurie that the umpire decided hadn't gone far enough about 1m after it came off his boot. Which was false, but the early notice worked in van Rooyen's favour, allowing him to overcome the distance-challenged official and kick the goal. To paraphrase David Brent, sometimes the decisions will be false.

I don't expect umpires to judge distance with military-grade accuracy on the fly, but I wonder if their training ever involves coaches setting up cones in the distance, saying "how far do you think that is?" then telling them how far off they are.

The best way to tell that this was a pre-season game that you should only take half-seriously was that we had a more verstatile forward line than the opposition. Richmond kicked goals from close range, but any shot from more 30 metres out drifted away from goal and into the pocket. It worked once, before our defenders realised what was going on. JVR got a third, this time via a 50 which took him into the square. Seemed like fair reward for having to pluck the first two out of thin air. He then took delivery of a Pickett bullet pass and missed the set shot, but good signs nonetheless.

By half time I'd seen enough to wrap things up and head home, but was open to a second half where we wheeled out a few young players who'd been kept in reserve, tried some wacky pre-season tactical stuff, and left our most important players on far too long. Maybe they'd rented the dressing rooms by the hour, because the same players who had to walk casually for their life earlier in the game spent the shortened break standing in the middle of the ground. That's putting a lot of faith in the weather radar not being a few kilometres out, and as subsequent events showed there was still non-Pickett generated electricity in the air. Fun fact - if there's no weather radar available you're supposed to judge the likelihood of being blown up by methods including counting the seconds between lightning and thunder.

With no proper lights on offer, it looked like they'd only finish the game by parking cars around the boundary line with their high beams on. Fair enough that time Australia won the Cricket World Cup Final in near darkness, but this was the AAMI Community Series so apologies to anyone who travelled to watch, but who cared if it was called off. And then a few minutes into the third quarter it was, when we were saved from the prospect of players crashing into each other in darkness like Titanic vs Iceberg by further lightning. There was time for one more blatant display of Pickettry, and we'll assume the umpire missed the blatant push while temporarily blinded by a flash in the distance.

Ready for a lot more of Kozzy to Latrelle in 2026 and beyond 🤝#AFLDeesTigers pic.twitter.com/Aen8RMapM0

— AFL (@AFL) February 27, 2026 

Multiple people have tried to tell me this wasn't a free, which is the sporting equivalent of when people will go along with any mad political shit just to support their side.

Let's have a moment for the defender stumbling to the ground in cartoonish fashion as if this sound effect was playing.

Decent finish though, and it saved an otherwise "can't play North Melbourne every week" performance by Latrelle. If his surname was Smith I wouldn't pick him for Round 1, but after trying to lure punters to the first game of 2025 with Irish dancing, multiPickett is an obvious crowd-pleasing choice. If he doesn't play first up, he won't be far behind.

For the second time that afternoon our goal set off the lightning warning. At least this time they didn't wait for somebody to take a set shot before evacuating players for their own safety. Said players were so concerned that they hung out in the middle of the ground having a chat for the next few minutes. I don't know why Gawn and Nankervis didn't just shake hands and agree to depart on the spot, but after Max criticised the new ruck rules he was probably worried the AFL would spitefully charge him for. Instead, it was back to the rooms for several minutes more than you'd think necessary to declare the game off.

The result is irrelevant, but as we were winning I'd like to point out that a game is official at half time. It dudded Thomas (who I will refuse to call 'Tom' in the interests of raising the tone) Matthews out of his first start in AFL company, and Xavier Taylor out of a chance to press for Round 1 selection. Otherwise, there wasn't much more to be gained, but I hope it played havoc with the sort of bozos who bet on pre-season games.

And finally, I'm too old to understand most of what's going on with our social media these days (including the club finally getting into the novelty t-shirt market by flogging something about Jiath skiing for $60), but I appreciate their artistic decision to go directly from Lever carrying on like he's in Full Metal Jacket to him running around flapping his arms like a bird.

Warming up to go run some laps 🤬 Here's what happened after the second stoppage in play.#DemonSpirit pic.twitter.com/7vtFr8eyly

— Melbourne Demons (@melbournefc) February 28, 2026

I don't suppose players are allowed to object to anything being shown these days - especially just as the behind the scenes documentary we willingly signed up to starts showing - but if my work posted a video like that I'd piff admin's phone out the window. Probably doesn't have the slightest impact on the actual playing of football, but I'm here to say "I told you so" when a player eventually cracks the shits and walks out after being made to look like a knob.

2025 Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
If you thought deciding this award on two games was a farce, what about one and a half games? The AFL Integrity Department has been on the phone, and next year we're definitely doing intraclub votes.

5 - Caleb Windsor
4 - Max Gawn
3 - Jack Steele
2 - Jacob van Rooyen
1 - Tom Sparrow

Apologies to Fritsch, Lindsay, K. Pickett, Rivers

Final results
Jack Steele's MFC welcome basket has an award in it. Sure, it might be the least prestigious one in the game, but you can't complain about free honours after captaining St Kilda. This is the second time a player has arrived from another club and pocketed the Prymke on arrival. Hopefully Jack has a longer, happier career with us than 2015 winner Heritier Lumumba 

7 - Jack Steele

5 - Kysaiah Pickett, Caleb Windsor

4 - Max Gawn

3 - Blake Howes

2 - Luker Kentfield, Jacob van Rooyen

1 - Max Heath, Tom Sparrow

Next week +1

Our second new coach in a row debuts against St Kilda, and I'd rather hear about Goodwin's debut win under a sweaty as anything Docklands roof than what happened last time against the Saints. They should cherish the memory of that game, but the best way to make clear that it was an end of year slopfest with no importance is to win here. Which we might. They're debut their new all-star lineup in (*chunder*) Opening Round (*heave*), so here's to getting all the excitement out of their system before we turn up.

Predicted ladder
If you're new to this, the brackets are the range I think the team will finish in. If you'd rather ruthlessly hold me to exact positions, my score will be updated throughout the year via Squiggle's handy Rate My Ladder. Last year, I scored C grade despite some laughably bad predictions, so follow along as we aim for better.

1 - Brisbane (the old brave decision to put the reigning premier on top)
2 - Footscray

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3 - Gold Coast
4 - Fremantle

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5 - Hawthorn
6 - St Kilda
7 - Greater Western Sydney
8 - Sydney

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9 - Collingwood
10 - Adelaide
11 - Geelong (now watch them regenerate like him from Terminator 2) 

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12 - Carlton
13 - Melbourne (but a good 13th, if such a thing exists)
14 - Port Adelaide

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15 - Richmond
16 - Essendon
17 - West Coast
18 - North Melbourne

Demonblog's chosen 24

Yes, we know field positions have bugger all relevance to where players actually line up/go on the ground. Available players only.

B: Petty, Turner, Howes

HB: Salem, Lever, Jiath
C: Windsor, Langford, Langdon

HF: K. Pickett, Van Rooyen, Chandler

F: L. Pickett, Mihocek, Fritsch

Foll: Gawn, Steele, Rivers

Int: Lindsay, Sparrow, Heath, McDonald, Tholstrup

Apologies to Laurie, who may as well get used to it, and Melksham, who can swap with Tholstrup or L. Pickett if you want. Also, Taylor, who might have made his case if the second half had been played. 

May Away
Just as I was going to send this, the conclusion (?) to the long running Steven May saga ended with a negotiated retirement just in time for us to find a replacement. His real and alleged personal scandals are not my concern, I'd prefer to remember the greatest MFC defender in my time watching the game. After a dud first season with us, he was unbelievable from mid-2020 to mid-2024, and the story about playing in the Grand Final with his hamstring on the verge of shredding into a thousand pieces deserves to be club legend. Sure he annoyed Melksham enough to get punched in the head, and had an unnecessary on-field sook towards Gawn, but Christ on a Bike what a player. We're at the point where people can say "yeah but..." and invent any lurid story about him that people will believe, but from a pure football perspective, his run with us was brief but spectacular and I hope whatever's going on off the field won't get worse with 52 weeks a year of free time.

And because we're more about obscure trivia than heartfelt tributes, whoever we get as his replacement could be the end of the line tracing back to Scully legging. The compensation picks got Hogan, we traded him for May, and assuming the last-minute ring-in doesn't end up traded or somehow landing us future draft picks, that's your lot on that branch of the MFC family tree. The most important bit of the equation is that it ran through a flag.    

 

Home Alone
The three longest-running sagas in Victoria are an airport train, fast rail to Sydney, and the MFC's quest for a combined training and administration base. The first one is allegedly happening, the second is on its 932nd expensive feasibility study, and both will be going before we finalise a home venue. The latest is that we're off to Waverley for somewhere between 'a bit' and 'several decades'. 

I haven't engaged with this process because you may as well patiently wait for world peace, but as always reserve the right to chip in on random topics like an expert. In this case, asking what more we'll get for spending a minimum $100 million on Caulfield vs settling in at Waverley and getting on with our lives? The FAQ says we need the facility because we're split across three locations, then says Casey will "be an elite training facility for our teams" and we'll keep playing AFLW/VFL/VFLW games there. Then the question of "Why the potential location at Caulfield" speaks about important factors like recruiting Robbie Flower from the area, and ends the list of benefits with "etc..."

If Waverley was perfect Hawthorn wouldn't be plunging a fortune into developing the Las Vegas-like entertainment capital of Dingley, but there's bad news if you've been in a coma since September 1996 - they're the rich ones. We're comfortable now, but explain the benefits of spunking cash up the wall and going around cap in hand asking for donations when no construction project in Victoria has been completed on budget since Federation. I've been spooked by this article, which could be complete bullshit for all I know, but the idea of us spending $10 million (not even allowing for rampant construction industry rorts) on a tunnel just to get this done seems bonkers. Maybe we're being gouged to buggery to rent Waverley, but you'd want to explain that if trying to convince people to sign up for this gigantic cash incinerator. 

Hopefully, somebody is still scouting for alternative locations, if only to use as leverage for getting a better deal on this. I'm switching parties from Dees for Docklands to Dees for Fisherman's Bend. There's got to be somewhere in that CBD-adjacent precinct for a sporting complex, and the government will be more likely to tip-in as part of a larger project than giving us money to build something in the middle of a racecourse. 

Unless we've come up with an all-time great funding racket (and good luck faking an interest in community causes just to get a free footy ground like redacted, redacted, and redacted), Caulfield seems more trouble than it's worth. I'm happy to listen to the case in favour, but I want it outlined in comparison to staying at Waverley permanently. I just hope we don't rush into this so executives can say they delivered the impossible dream, regardless of the financial consequences. 

Administrative updates

After a summer of Demonwiki.org falling over every five seconds, it was only after posting last week's review that I discovered Demonblog.com had gone tits up as well. It came back for a bit, then carked it again. Don't ask me, my technical knowledge of the internet stopped around the time <marquee> HTML tags went out of fashion. Should you find the usual dot.com has dot.gone, the site is always accessible via its less glamorous real URL mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com

 

Final thoughts
Just let us play Round 1 next week you bastards.

Let prattle commence

The 2025/2026 off-season wasn't the weirdest I've been (peripherally) involved with, but it's up there. It seems like an excessively long time since our last game, when your friend and mine, the Melbourne Football Club rounded off a campaign featuring implosions, collapses, and self-inflicted wounds with one for the road. Since then, it's been 'choose your own adventure' about what comes next. 

My inner-Costanza felt comfortable when we were being dragged through some light shambles. Premiership Heroes A and B are gone, and we spent about $3 million to make sure the man who made Mooroopna famous played anywhere else. Jack Viney is once again Australia's foremost lower limb injury victim. Our greatest defender since colour television has gone Steven MIA. For the second time in living memory, we've dumped a sponsor that turned out to be morally one rung above signing up Epstein Island, and replaced them with an "AI-native fintech platform" that appears to be a glorified fuel card system. Jake Bowey and Jai Culley are varying levels of broken, Tom Campbell's in a neck brace, and I'm sure there's plenty more.

I won't turn this into the #fistedforever Files sequel, but a final entry for the misery section of this post. Who thought signing up for a documentary about the 2025 season was a good idea? Did they think there was a heartwarming comeback on the cards? If the Formula 1 show they're trying to replicate had a team whose wheels fell off as regularly as ours they'd have been banned on safety grounds. Now, because what should be private conversations are being broadcast to the world we're subject to a public enquiry about the culture being no good. No really, you don't say, but I'd prefer they dealt with it behind closed doors, not on Amazon Prime. Hopefully there's an MFC supercut so I can avoid segments that don't interest me.

On the other hand, against all natural instincts, I'm quite looking forward to the new season. Not just because footy season provides more order to my life than cricketers I've got no emotional investment in (not since Tom Moody retired anyway) appearing on random days and playing playing 3/5ths of the allotted time if you're lucky. It's also because, in a year where mid-table mediocrity is officially desirable thanks to the wildcard round (*spit* *puke* *etc*), I feel like we might be half decent. Probably not finals half decent, but enough to avoid the usual infighting, recriminations, and back of the Herald Sun stories featuring David Schwarz looking sad.   

Mind you, I also thought 2007 was a slight correction and look how that turned out. So, don't blame me if it goes tits up BUT we've got new coaching ideas, a veritable shitload of top draft picks to watch develop, and the tasty potential for double Pickett mayhem. You'll still be able to take a whizz at our home games without queuing, and I think it's a good omen that one of the Australian Winter Olympic gold medallists looks like Ben Brown. We'll find out the answer to "What's not to like?" together, but even before tonking half-interested opposition I felt the season had potential. Perhaps potential to be fatal.

There was plenty to like about this result, but it's no guide to the real stuff. Last year North were comfortably dealt with in this fixture, then 1.75 into the real season we were being melted by the only white-hot heat they could muster all year. As long as 28 men brave and true survived (relatively) uninjured and unsuspended, that would be good enough for me. So hello and welcome back. In the unlikely event that you're a first time reader, fair warning that the lack of in-depth analysis has nothing to do with it being a pre-season game. And if you need proof of that please consult the previous 21 seasons of posts. By the end of AFLW season I'll have done about nine months of posts and gone completely bonkers, so enjoy the lucid moments while they last.

 

Like the all-time great false alarm of Round 1, 2025, this started with a goal in the first minute. Back then came from slashing, and frankly misleading, ball movement from the centre bounce, this year's version featured Brody Mihocek barging his way through a crowd in front of goal. Incidentally, the first mention of Mihocek on these pages came in 2019, when he had four goals and our entire side only three. He got two of our first three goals before receiving the 'Welcome to Melbourne' welcome gift of a concussion. 

I'll take goals however they're on offer, so more of the same please. Less of North's reply, where our backline stood in a protective circle to make sure the mark was taken without interruption. You don't want to go over the top about recruits considering Harry Sharp got four in this game last year, but Mihocek's second vindicated (as far I'm concerned anyway) my whinging about not having a big bistard to take the heat off Van Rooyen last year. If a bum like me could see it, a trained professional like Steven King must have winced watching what did to JVR last year.  

As I'm not on the working from home racket (come on, you know what you're up to), the marquee 4pm Friday timeslot did me no favours. I had to watch on mute (missing the wildcard commentary team of Harriet Cordner and Some Bloke), and was only about 75% focused, but considered dropping the strides in public when Pickett kicked a goal, then bombed out of the middle for another immediately after. Turned out I'd missed a Bailey Laurie goal before that, which is a shame because if he gets as many opportunities as last year you won't see him again until Round 11.

I'd lose a game of 'First Round Pick or Top Up Player' on the North list, so god knows how seriously they were taking this, but we were six goals to one up at the end of the quarter before doing the obvious thing and conceding in DemonTime for the first time in 2026. I suspect it won't be the last. The game was advertised as 25 minute quarters + 'scenarios', and one scenario I'd like to avoid is Lever in one-on-one contests inside 50. To be fair he did stop another one soon after with of his trademark big spoils, but if May's not coming back then Turner, McDonald, and surely to god Petty, must be deployed to let him roam about intercepting anything that comes near.  

You can't play pre-season North every week, but if I was mad enough to make a snap judgement on the season after this, I'd say until Mihocek disappeared it looked like we had more dangerous forwards than defenders for the first time since... David Neitz? There was further concern about the backline when North opened the second quarter with another goal from a mark close to goal under zero pressure, but after that they did stuff all. In related news, I'm startled that Jack Darling is still playing.

I don't feel bad about not giving this game full attention. Watching these matches, especially the bit where they start simulating, feels like when you used to be able to listen to police radio. It's interesting, but not intended to public consumption. Halfway through the second quarter it was revealed I was on a five minute delay when a tweet from the club about forward pressure leading to a Chandler goal arrived before it showed on my screen. The pressure came from Kentfield, who apparently broke his face at some point because he's wearing the most sinister black mask since the very much not-safe-for-anywhere Machine from 8mm.

Speaking of matters related to sexual deviancy, my loins were stirred when Pickett narrowly missed adding another via NBA Jam-style turbo boost from the middle. While Pickett, K was flinging around the ground at maximum speed, Pickett, L seemed to be on a work experience tour to the backline during the first half. Later, they would combine in the forward line and it was just as charismatic as you'd expect. I'm sure there's more of the same coming from Kysaiah this season, but it's both thrilling and disappointing when somebody plays an absolute corker in one of these meaningless games. See also Petracca vs Adelaide in 2020 before his momentum was delayed for three months by virus.

Then it was everyone's favourite bit, where the players carry on with what they'd been doing for the rest of the half, but pretend the score is different. We had first go at defending a two point lead for two minutes, and I've got a few hints on how to manage a situation like this. Don't blow an eight goal lead in the first place, let the best player on the ground take screamers over Fritsch in defence, give away a bonehead 6-6-6 free kick with seconds left, or leave aforementioned best player standing on his own inside 50. 

The good news is that, unlike most close games last year, we held on to 'win'. I like how Kayo changes the scoreboard to the fake score during the scenario, giving you an 0.1 second heart attack when half watching as you think "Christ, when did we concede all these goals?"

The start of the third quarter was... Picketty. K kicked one, then set up the newly forward L, who dropped a sitter in the square, but tapped it back into the path of K to chip it through off the ground like an NRL conversion. Pickett Jr. held a mark a few minutes later but booted it out on the full, then later in the quarter went for a dash down the wing, gestured for a forward to lead, then kicked it OOF at near right angles. All part of the leaning journey, so I'm happy for him to start by setting up Harlem Globetrotter goals for his cousin and working his way up.

By now the excitement of watching any sort of Melbourne game was fading a bit and I was alternatively thinking "get on with Round 1 already" and "any danger North might take this seriously?" You could have flown a jumbo jet through the space they were leaving for us to run through, which was much appreciated but hardly an indication of what we're going to get against better teams.    

In the absence of Gawn, I liked Heath and he'll get a game in Round 1 thanks to a) the new interchange rules, b) St Kilda having two ruckmen, and c) the hope of him stitching up his old side on debut. Given that the club itself never shuts about that game against the Saints, do you think it's more or less awkward for them discussing it with their new teammates than Lachie Hunter and Josh Schache having to regularly walk past the premiership cup they were WALLOPED out of? 

I'd have been even frothier about Heath's prospects if he'd kicked either of his set shots, but I still think he'll go past one gamer Wayne Henwood in our all-time ranking of people called 'Moose'. More importantly, as far as St Kilda imports go, I think Jack Steele will cover Dunstan and Billings combined. He did exactly as expected, and will come in very handy given our diminished midfield stocks.

I finally got to listen with volume in the last quarter, and had NFI what they were on about after Tholstrup did a wacky young person goal celebration. For the next two minutes all Harriet's mate talked about was either 'Sallies' or 'Cellies', interrupted only by Steele and Langford kicking goals. Thank you for your concern, but there's no need to write in and confirm what they were actually talking about because it'll just make me angry.

Once the margin reached 10 goals midway through the last quarter we had an excessively Hollywood moment. Pickett (L) dashed around a few helpless defenders, but resisted the natural urge to have a big old snap and instead passed backwards to Rivers, who must have felt slighted that he didn't get to see Pickett do something exciting, because he decided to try and play on instead of going back for a set shot. Hooray for playing on instinct, but at this point of the first remotely real game of the season, on a 30 degree day, I'm sure his teammates were cursing him for costing them 30 seconds rest. 

We were winning by heaps so no harm done. Pre-season for everyone etc... etc... Including the umpire who let McSizzle get away with the droppingest of dropping the balls, and one who conscientiously objected to the concept 'shrug = prior opportunity' and let players get away with whatever they liked.

God knows what we were supposed to make of all this. North seemed putrid, but you suspect Clarkson is taking the Paul Roos approach of not giving a rats about losing pre-season games. Best not get excited and accidentally slur anyone just before the suspended sentence expires.

There was nothing to be gained from obliterating North except unreasonably raised expectations, so things slowed down a bit after that. However, we still had time for more some L. Pickett excitement when he darted around a couple of defenders who'd lost the will to live and set up Kentfield, the Phantom of Casey Fields, for a goal. I really hope Kent sticks with the plastic luchadore gimmick forever. Take heed of the tragic case of Olivia Purcell, who went back to playing bareface, then did a knee.

With two minutes left it was Simulation O'Clock, and for the first time in the history of Australian Rules football, a team instantly went from being 79 (ish?) points ahead to two behind. Even in the days when they'd wipe your whole score for fielding too many players it would need the game to be 79-2 when that happened. Now we were playing to overcome a lead in the last two minutes, which should've come with a trigger warning considering some of our BULLSHIT attempts at winning games from this position recently. 

The whole premise was ruined after 30 seconds when Sharp put us ahead, now it was a repeat of the scenario from the first half. If they didn't feel some obligation to play seriously I'm sure the teams would've just gone back to the centre, pretended the goal didn't happen, and let North try to defend the lead until time ran out. Despite us being 80-something points in front, the game nearly ended in total farce when the siren only just beat North to a mark and a shot on goal to 'win' the simulation. Only at Melbourne could you win in a landslide and still nearly lose to a kick after the siren. 

2025 Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
Despite the intraclub being such a glorified training session that half the players wore hats and Caleb Windsor kicked goals for both sides, I was going to add it to the Prymke mix just to add some variety in the leaderboard. By the time the full video was online I'd moved on and satisfied myself with the highlights. Instead, may I present what is arguably the most eclectic set of votes ever.

5 - Kysaiah Pickett
4 - Jack Steele
3 - Blake Howes
2 - Luker Kentfield
1 - Max Heath

Next week

After this fake practice match, it's a real one. Against Richmond in, for unclear reasons, Ballarat next Friday afternoon. In simpler times I went there for a pre-season game, and would now require more complex calculations than the space program to watch live if games were playing at the end of my street.

 

Final thoughts
Buggered if I know what this means for the rest of the year, but mission accomplished for those of us who just like seeing Melbourne win any sort of game.

Bleak November

Even if it's the equivalent of a participation award, and no bloody help to us now, it's nice to know we were actually quite good and didn't just finish second thanks to a piss easy draw. That obviously helped, but giving The Invincibles their biggest scare in two years is (extremely) minor consolation for losing a Prelim. At the same time, having the greatest 2nd d. 1st upset in history dangled in front of us for three quarters has left me with "it's the hope that kills you" misery that wouldn't have existed if North did as expected and poleaxed us from the first bounce. It's better to have had a chance and lost than never been in the game at all, but this could haunt me more than any AFLW result since the Miss Shop debacle against GWS.

Speaking of trauma, I know he's got bigger issues to worry about at the moment but keep descriptions of this game away from Steven May, who will plunge into PTSDee when he finds out that there's been another final where a Melbourne backline put in a heroic, Siege of Stalingrad-level effort under constant bombardment and it came to nowt because the forward line disappeared into thin air. At least this time we weren't favourites, and I've got nothing but appreciation for the enormous crack our side had at slaying the mythical beast, but as they always say in those website videos, "why not [volume cuts out to cover somebody swearing] us?"

Due to a longer history of pain, suffering, and brief moments of triumph, the swings and roundabouts of Melbourne (M) will always affect me more, I feel an investment in the women's team doing well because it still seems like they're doing it more for the love of the game than as a job. Maybe that's just  me being incredibly patronising towards women in the traditional style of middle aged men everywhere, but the family atmosphere in their videos seems more realistic than the men. Basically, I want them both to win, but feel worse for the W players individually when they don't.

There was extra feeling in this game due to the deep "end of an era" vibes around the club in the last few weeks. Even the coaching conspiracy theory came off, and it looks like he's about to pull the pin. And I can't say I blame Stinear after finding out he's been travelling to Casey from the Surf Coast, presumably not via helicopter or cross-bay hydrofoil, for nine years. If he ends up in charge of Geelong, who have conveniently just lobbed their coach from an upstairs window, the reduced travel time will be well-deserved.

On-field, it's almost certain that Zanker will go, and I won't be surprised if some/all of remaining originals Lampard, Paxman, and Pearce retire. On paper, there's still plenty for a new coach to work with, and after a couple of years at the draft here's to a return to rebuilding on the run by snatching players from less fortunate teams at a discount price.

There were a few minutes in the first quarter when it looked like this post might be less 'end of season retrospective' and more 'fuck yo winning streak', and even though we stopped kicking goals after the first quarter (entirely after half time as it turns out), there was a bit at the start of the last term when one conjured out of nowhere may have been enough to hold on. Even with a minute left we had an 0.001% chance of making a last centre bounce interesting, and within the space of a few paragraphs I've talked myself out of believing that getting close was a consolation prize.

Unlike many others, I hope North wins the Grand Final and stays undefeated until we get another crack at them because I want the chance to get some futile revenge and be the ones who end the streak. And as the AFLW may be the worst scheduled professional league on the planet there's every chance they'll miss an opportunity to set up the obvious game next season and we'll have to play them in a final again. As an example of what a farce/shambles this operation is, the lack of a World Cup-style third/fourth place playoff means we haven't played Carlton since 2022. This must be the longest period any team has gone without facing a particular team after winning a competition (NBL: no, it doesn't count if the team carks it immediately after a'la South Dragons, whose demise is mysteriously not mentioned on the page).

As I've barely had time to watch our games this season, you won't be surprised to know that I've been derelict in keeping up with other teams. The only time I've seen North all year is the last few minutes against Freo when they were going for the record margin. My most recent MFC inclusive memories are that final when they got the party started by pummelling us, and a first-gear win in early 2024 just as the Rent-A-Player crisis was about to peak. I knew we were in trouble though, by reputation, winning streak, and them being $1.05 favourites.

I'm confident in saying that we weren't going to launch a miracle come from behind victory, so a good start was important. My idea of starting a massive brawl was probably not good for football, but if we weren't going to literally punch them in the face I was prepared to accept the metaphorical version instead. Enter Eliza/Elizabeth (delete as applicable) McNamara to win a holding the ball free and put on a short pass to Paxman for the opener. It may have been the last target McNamara hit by foot, but it was a good one.

As North players sooked up over free kicks in the same fashion as a billionaire who's just dropped a $20 note, Wotherspoon continued last week's solid form by pulling down a contested mark and we already had two more goals than Hawthorn got against them in the first final. This was the third final in a row at Princes Park where we kicked the opener x2, but it didn't prove a springboard to bigger and better things either of those times so official advice was to shelter in place and wait to see what happened next.

The secret of our success was that North had barely touched the ball so far, and that wasn't going to last forever but at least we'd turned our good start into goals. The second one almost went straight back when a Gillard pass nearly set Paxman up for a clobbering at the top of the 50. It was one of her few mistakes, as she, Chaplin, and Taylor led one of the great holding back the tide performances. 

The irresistible force eventually shifted the immovable objects, but without them we wouldn't have gotten anywhere near as close. I'll also give credit to Bannan, who I've gone off this season but was important in linking play around the ground in the first quarter. I know they weren't going to drop a heart and soul player before the Prelim, but there was an argument for keeping Gall in the side instead, and while it wasn't valid in the first quarter I wonder if we'd have gone better in the rest of the game with somebody who had better influence on contests inside 50.

Sadly, the joy would not last, and when North finally started getting kicks they turned three into goals in quick succession. We got a leg up from a 50 metre penalty, complete with more Mario Ballotelli style "why always me?" histrionics by the North player, but failed to take advantage of them dropping two marks inside 50, and got nothing from Harris being shifted out of the way right in front of goal via a vigorous shove in the back. 

We helped release the pressure when Zanker gave away a 50 by decking our old friend Libby Birch after a mark, then gave her the mocking crying gesture which doesn't look so good now that their schedules next week will be Birch - playing for fourth flag, Zanker - scouring Perth real estate listings. It didn't stand the test of time, but a few seconds later Eden looked like the genius in this situation after the ball returned straight to Harris, who kicked the piss out of a set shot that restored a seven point lead. Not long after, the big game player appeared to have found a big game to play in when she pulled down a knee-in-the-back screamer. And then didn't have much of an impact for the rest of the game.

The Channel 7 commentator had a point in going on repeatedly about what a good game this was, even if that's a bit of a giveaway that they know how many dud matches have happened this season. Shame that after 14 weeks of matches they managed to land the Preliminary Final in direct competition with the second day of an Ashes test where the majority of sports-curious neutrals were busy watching both sides bat like they'd learnt to play in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg. 

And if you were roped in to watching based on the quarter time scores there was bad news because after quarter time it was OUT - Swashbuckle, IN - Grim struggle. It was good for purists and interested parties, but trying to sell the rest of this game to skeptics would be like convincing them to watch an entertaining 0-0 draw in soccer.

Appropriately, considering what we were about to go through, Gillard was the first person to do something exciting in the second quarter, when he put on another goal saving tackle. We're still waiting for the biggest injustice in history to be corrected, and league to announce she's been given a share of the 2022 (Spring) Grand Final BOG medal.

By now we'd lost control of the game, and North started to get on top with brute force attack. It was our turn to get lucky with kooky umpiring when Goldrick walked the ball into a tackle, then chucked it away without penalty. Then Hore put us back in front and I was willing to buy entirely into the fairytale, before Goldrick suffered karma reversal as she was pinched for high contact which only happened because the opponent lowered the head and charged into her. 

We survived to half time with a two point lead, and could've done without conceding a mark inside 50 in the opening seconds of the third quarter, but we got away with that, and the 1999 Preliminary Final style miracle was still alive. North ended up going scoreless for the quarter, but we missed the chance to take advantage by responding with four behinds. One of them involved Bannan being carried over the line by multiple defenders, which you could technically claim was them deliberately rushing a behind by proxy if you wanted to be difficult.

Each team had chances at the start of the quarter, including Bannan being carried over the line by multiple defenders, which you could technically claim was them deliberately rushing a behind if you wanted to be difficult. I'm not sure one more goal would've helped us hold on, but it can't have hurt. Especially if North still got a free 40 metres out after 10 seconds, then moved the ball closer to a player standing on their own. 

Your friend and mine Chaplin came to the rescue with a saving mark, before a completely stupid passage of play when North got a free, were pinched for playing on, we kicked the ball straight back to them and somehow no scores were registered. Then Heath had to put on a goal saving tackle and I was about to have a coronary. 

We weren't going to win this in an orgy of goalkicking brutality, but just one from fluke, luck, or flat-out thievery might have given us the necessary breathing space. The problem was we could barely get the ball across halfway, and when we did it was usually kicked straight to a defender in acres of space. It was down to the defenders to try and save it and Gillard had another great moment, grabbing her opponent by the arm and swinging her around like a wrestler doing the Irish Whip, and if she'd played the start of the season there's every chance some of our opponents would've scored 0.0.

If we had to lose, I'd like to have forced North to win via the modern equivalent of that time their men's team ran down our six point lead by kicking points, but they opted to do it the traditional way and kick goals. It was time for the forwards to fire up after not being seen since the first quarter, but they didn't get a chance because the ball went straight back down North's end from the bounce. 

There, Taylor and Chaplin got in each other's way, and may I suggest we introduce road rule style 'give way to Maeve' laws inside our defensive 50. The subsequent ball-up saw the Roos pluck a goal out of their arse and our chances of winning had gone from 'unlikely' to 'mad finish required'. Soon after, Chaplin's muscles were the ones giving way and she was left huffing pickle juice on the boundary line to stave off cramp. I'd rather her out there than not, but as we were at the point of having to kick goals to win, plenty of others had the chance to temporarily recover from being half dead and do something memorable.

For all the massive efforts being put on try and make the finish interesting, the entire space from the right of centre circle was a giant chasm where our dreams went to die. We were probably already dead when Taylor found herself pelting forward, but never got the chance to find out if we could've Mad Minuted the finish because she was too far out to score, and apparently our forwards had disappeared into the Princes Park department of the Bermuda Triangle. Once she was run down we were officially finished, and whatever happened in the final seconds is a mystery to me because I cracked the shits and stopped watching in a big sulk.

Considering we didn't even make the finals last year, I can't complain with second place, and a battling Prelim loss to the greatest women's team ever convened, but let's see what happens next. We won't get the same walkover draw, and the Round 1 team next year may look a lot different to what we've just seen. I think things will turn out alright, but the paper-thin lists in this league mean you're never far away from having to call up overmatched VFL players to have a crack so who knows what will happen next. Here's to me not being mentally fried to bits by the time the 2026 AFLW season starts so that I might have a proper crack at reporting on it and/or check posts for mad errors before publishing.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Maeve Chaplin
4 - Tahlia Gillard
3 - Kate Hore
2 - Saraid Taylor
1 - Tyla Hanks

Apologies to Harris, Paxman, Pearce and Wotherspoon

Leaderboard    
And there you have it. Congratulations to the captain for a much-deserved victory. She's also gets to double-up by winning via the Finals POTY award which I forgot I existed until now. Hore's second win draws her level with Tyla Hanks on two victories, still a fair way short of Paxy's five in a row between 2018 and 2022 (Summer).

In the other categories, we already knew Chaplin and Pearce were going to win their categories but it's good news for Saraid Taylor, whose contribution to our backs-to-the-wall defensive effort here carried her back to the top of the Rising Star table.

47 - Kate Hore (WINNER: 2025 Daisy Pearce Medal for Player of the Year, WINNER: 2025 Finals Player of the Year)
40 - Tyla Hanks
27 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
17 - Eden Zanker
16 - Tayla Harris
15 - Tahlia Gillard, Eliza McNamara
12 - Shelley Heath
11 - Megan Fitzsimon
5 - Paxy Paxman, Olivia Purcell
4 - Lauren Pearce (WINNER: Ruck of the Year), Ryleigh Wotherspoon
3 - Sinead Goldrick, Saraid Taylor (WINNER: Rising Star Award)
1 - Maggie Mahony

Goal of the Week
The Harris set-shot wins here, but our overall winner is Zanker from the pocket vs Sydney. That didn't even get nominated for the overall Goal of the Week let along Year, which just goes to show you can't trust public voting.

Next Week
I hope everyone has a good time and Zanker finds a nice place to live.

Final thoughts
And that's me done - at last - for 2025. Thanks for your support, and I'll see you when the men play some tepid pre-season slopfest at a local park. Maybe I'll finally do the 1964 Grand Final rewatch at some point during off-season?

Semi conscious

Friends and well-wishers, thank the football gods because after seven finals losses in a row, the dear old Melbourne Football Club has saluted for the first time since 2022. Only now will I sincerely agree that it's better to be in them and lose than not have the chance at all, but there'd have been none of that if this game had gone where it looked to be heading in the second quarter. Enter pound-for-pound our finest half in a final, where unlikely heroes united with superstars and legends to deliver a result that was more exciting than all the thumpings of shit teams this season combined. 

If we were going to get to the pointy end of the year and plummet off a cliff again, it's appropriate that the opposition had players called Goodwin and Grace Kelly. And by the time we were nearly four goals down I was waiting for surprise recruit Jana Novotna to show up and declare us the game's straight sets specialists. But no, unlike cowards like me, the people who are employed to do this stuff professionally weren't running up the white flag and preparing for post-mortem finger-pointing, they were alive, well, and ready to come back from the dead in memorable fashion. Result - a massive weight off the shoulders, even if there may be an anvil headed directly for our collective bonces next week.

Usually the only reason to watch Channel 7 games via Fox Sports/Kayo is to avoid seeing the Tayla Harris eye jumper/man kicking footy through window ads for the 2500th time this year, and given that only a handful of the viewing audience would've been tuning in through their coverage I'm surprised they bothered to put on a panel to analyse the game. Not half as surprised to hear somebody from the organisation that calls games from a South Melbourne studio say "there's no excuse for not getting out and watching some footy today". Also, with five minutes to the bounce it wasn't a very helpful suggestion unless you were going past on the #19 tram. 

Quite a few people had an excuse because only 2600 turned up, and if somebody's going to claim we'd have got more at Casey, a) we wouldn't, and b) it's a small price to pay for the dignity of the competition, because it looked better on TV. To thrash the over-expansion case yet again, AFLW would be in a much better place, with more interest if games like this were the norm rather than Gold Coast losing by 70.

My anti-Cranbourne views about how Princes Park should be the home of AFLW (and who really cares if there's some Carlton signage on the fence?) didn't look so good when the place flooded a view weeks ago, and I thought further carnage was on the cards when the national anthem singer was grappling with the radio thing (industry term) on her hip just as the music started. I suspect she battled hard to stay faloat together in the face of production troubles, but pulled it off only for the microphone to abruptly cut out about 0.01 seconds after she finished the final note. After going to pieces the last three times they've heard Advance Australia Fair, her save was obviously inspirational to our players.

This is the same ground where I once found a disused washing machine at the foot of a stairwell, so while it may be better than Casey the ideal situation would be for the AFL to invest in a boutique stadium 'Home of AFLW' stadium somewhere near the city. Here's an idea, how about we give up on paying a fortune to move to middle of a racecourse and go halves so AFLW Land can also house our training venue? What about putting it in Docklands near that bullshit wheel so the City of Melbourne will chip in too? Might start an MFC Party to run at the next state election.  

Like last week we got off to a hot start, but this time I wasn't falling for it. There was a false alarm where a Harris snap from an obscure angle just fell short, to the disappointment of Gall who'd already turned around to celebrate, and the other players mobbing Tayla in the pocket. Never mind that shit, here came Fitzsimon to put one through from a similar angle, and my petualnt demands for a Crumb 'n Snap led recovery were being taken seriously. Then Hore did brilliantly to bring a ball to ground and regather before kicking the second. This was not to be taken seriously yet, but preferable to being two goals behind.

Against Brisbane, Wotherspoon got a rush of blood and missed the third goal via attempted miracle dribble from miles out, this time it was the more conventional route of Fitzsimon from a set shot 30 meters out. Once again, after we'd missed the chance to stomp on the opposition in the first quarter they belatedly turned up and made life difficult. The ball spent the next few minutes at Adelaide's end, and we were in danger of having all the early dominance wiped out in a flash again. 

I thought it was nice when the Crows botched an easy chance from right in front, but as we couldn't clear the ball effectively it turned out to just be the setup for a seven point play and I thought it was time to start nervously adjusting the collar. So far, so last week, but crucially we didn't concede the second goal [Update - I'd completely blanked out that the Brisbane goals came in the second quarter. Going well then], and in a complete deviation from the script the goal to the right of screen with 0.00 left in a quarter went to us. It was a fine finish from Mahony, whose zero goals in the first 12 games of the season were obviously just a massive rope-a-dope job before she went (relatively) nuts in finals.

So that was all good, but you could tell from the way the ball got trapped in our backline that the Crows weren't going to fall apart like so much other flimsy opposition this season, and the way our fourth quarters have gone this year I wanted to avoid any tricky situation like... say... being level at the last change. That didn't look like it was going to be a problem thanks to Adelaide suddenly shooting away in the second quarter, starting with a mark to a player third in line, who only had three career goals and decided to steer a set shot right through the middle instead of shanking it OOF and into the park at right angles. 

After earlier claims on commentary that the mystery voice you could hear through the effects mic was Mick Stinear, I hope he was the person who unsuccessfully yelled "chewy on your boot" as she lined up. Later he was seen coaching from the box, which is very unlike him and may have just been down to the novelty of playing at a ground with two proper levels. Wherever he was during the quarter in question, nothing could be done to stop the Crows from seemingly carting off to a famous away win.

I'd complain about the 50 against Gillard that led to Adelaide's fourth goal (surprise, surprise, to somebody who isn't a regular goalkicker), but even if the contact was so light it nearly qualified as mime don't push an opponent after a mark unnecessarily and there's no chance of being duded by the umpires. The free before their next goal was more offensive, with a bit of pissweak off the ball holding leading to a reversal and the sense things were about to go tits up. Even Abbey Holmes, who once said "we" when referring to the Crows on commentary couldn't hide her disdain for the decisions.

Enter Crumbmaster Mahony, who goalled via a great turn and snap from the square, and you'd have willingly taken a seven point deficit into half time considering where it was going. Except you couldn't, because this time we were the clods conceding right at the end. I'd had to stop watching at the end of the first quarter, and was 35 minutes in the hole even after skipping half time, so if it suddenly leapt to the real time coverage a'la Geelong 2022 I'd have been surprised to find us close/in front rather than eight goals down. It just felt like it was going that way, but as you already knew half an hour ahead of me it wasn't.

With limited options available to change the game after half time, Harris went into the ruck and Pearce played forward because I suppose they thought we couldn't take forward marks to save ourselves anyway so why not try and liven things up around the ground. This worked in theory because Harris got plenty of the ball during her cameo time in the middle, but most of our attacks were still dying when panic punted into the arms of a defender (if it got that far), so wasn't helping us eat into the lead.

After respectfully trying to trade Bannan last week (shortly before that plan expired when it was all but confirmed that Zanker will be going to a WA side), she'd done chuff all here but had a chance to cut the margin to a goal with a set shot. Remember that final against the Crows when she said no thanks to a set shot and ran around the mark? That was good. This kick wasn't, but as we'd switched to an all-crumb strategy, Mackin got the all-important goal on the run instead and thing were officially ON.

It went from ON to SPARKS BURSTING FROM THE SOCKET when Kween Kate Hore put us ahead by rolling the ball through from angle to confirm what you already knew, that she's the greatest player this side has ever seen. Adelaide hadn't scored for the quarter, but this game had more ebb and flow than the Pacific Ocean, so it was no surprise when they were having a set shot not long after. That missed, but more importantly for this contest it happened with a Crows player looking dead in the background, then hobbling off with a leg injury. I don't wish injury on anyone and hope she's already recovered, but at the time my first thought was "that's got to help us". 

After all that hard work, we were on the hook for another goal in the last minute if not for a massive tackle by Gillard. Apparently this was just her warm up for an even better one later. This left scores equal at the last change, and good thing I could skip through three quarter time because the nerves were getting to me now. So much of this season has felt throwaway and frivolous, but confronted with the prospect of our season turning out to be a massive waste, I felt alive. 

Sure, the game was probably already over in real time but I didn't need to know that. It's not like somebody was going to drive down the street blaring the Grand Old Flag, and as I'm pretty sure my new neighbour who looks like Steven King isn't (only because it would be a right prick of a drive to Casey), I was safe from spoilers and free to watch in as close to real-time as possible, with gratuitous fast-forwarding after goals, and at stoppages. 

We were obviously very much in it but I just had a premonition that things had already gone horribly wrong. Partly because of our last quarter record, but also due to being a spineless poltroon. So when Adelaide attacked first my "here we go" moment came much later than last week, and I don't know how many Adelaide players are called Kelly but unless you're connected to the Royal Family of Monaco it's no excuse for saying Grace's first name every time. It'll be a sad day for dated references when she and Natalie Wood eventually leave the game, so can somebody please draft a Diana Spencer or Lupe Valez.

Early Adelaide dominance didn't bode well, but it all turned after we survived them getting away with two blatant counts of holding the ball, and went the other way for a goal against the run of play from who else but Hore. With Hanks not having her best day (but somehow being listed as our second best in the AFL website report, which is absolutely bonkers), it was up to the captain to lead an array of randoms to their finest moments. Wotherspoon had played one of the better 0.0 forward games so far, full of lovely chase and tackle, when she got reward by pulling down a great contested mark after our best ball movement of the day. Heath set it up with one of her Heathian looks like she went twice the allowed distance but probably didn't runs, but credit to Mahony for a perfect kick inside 50. Great time to play the game of your life to date. 

Suddenly we were 11 points up with eight minutes left, but that was more than enough time to turn it into a one point loss. Then Campbell wandered forward, pulled down a mark at the top of the square and it was going to take a lot of hard work to lose this. I'd still consider it a massive taking of piss if we'd lost to three unanswered goals in seven minutes but after events in the men's competition earlier this year I'm legally obliged to say you just never know... And when Adelaide attacked right out of the middle we were lucky not to be back within two kicks.

Wotherspoon could've killed it with a shot after another big mark, but even in missing she wasted enough time off the clock to ensure it would require St Kilda at Docklands levels of organisational disarray to lose. They did get one goal back, and even when pelting forward with 25 seconds left it was probably too late to get two and snatch it in dramatic fashion unless somebody punched the goalkicker immediately after it went through. 

Just to make sure, Gillard did this - which was arguably not as important as the one at the end of the third quarter, and not really match saving given how little time was left but looked great so let's look at it again.

Stood tallest when the moment arrived. 🔥 Take a bow, Tahlia. #DemonSpirit pic.twitter.com/jYs3OcgiDX

— Melbourne AFLW (@MelbourneAFLW) November 15, 2025

The shove of the vanquished opponent really topped it off, as did Hore's joy at having finally won the pretty big one. And indeed we had, ending the W finals losing streak at three. Spare a thought for Eliza West and Casey Sherriff, who lost the first two, then went to Hawthorn and have dropped four over the next two seasons, surely becoming the first ever players to lose six finals in three years (NB: Turns out they're not because they didn't). I hold all our premiership players in high esteem, and look forward to them returning to flag reunions in the future but all I'm saying is that it wouldn't have happened if they still played for us. Especially if we still didn't make finals last year.

Our joy may not last long thanks to the juggernaut that's waiting over the horizon with a thermonuclear nuclear bomb next week, but I'm thrilled that everyone's work this season has been at least partially validated with a finals win. Also, it's good that everyone's calling this Mick Stinear's 100th game in charge because it validates my view that Shae Sloane was the coach of record for that game against Hawthorn in 2022. Speaking of the coach, based on his reaction at the siren either he or a few long-term players are going to chuck it in at the end of the season, so may they all get one last, unexpected crack at a flag together via unusual and/or nefarious circumstances.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Kate Hore
4 - Shelley Heath
3 - Tahlia Gillard
2 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon
1 - Maggie Mahony

Apologies to Fitzsimon, Harris, McNamara and Taylor.

Leaderboard    
Ironically, if we'd lost Hore would've won the big one outright, but by keeping the season alive she's left the door open for Hanks to tie for first, or even go past her if we make the Grand Final. Now that's what I call captaincy. And there's big news in the minor awards, where Mahony not quite 'storms' into a share of the Rising Star given that you can currently win with one vote, but picks a great time to register her first appearance in the top five. Feel free to take it out of the judge's hands by kicking eight next week.

44 - Kate Hore
39 - Tyla Hanks
--- Cannot win ---
22 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
17 - Eden Zanker
16 - Tayla Harris
15 - Eliza McNamara
12 - Shelley Heath
11 - Megan Fitzsimon, Tahlia Gillard
5 - Paxy Paxman, Olivia Purcell
4 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year), Ryleigh Wotherspoon
3 - Sinead Goldrick
1 - Maggie Mahony, (JOINT LEADER: Rising Star Award), Saraid Taylor (JOINT LEADER: Rising Star Award)

Goal of the Week
Encouragement award to Mahony for the various snaps, but you can't go past Hore's big bounce. In the race for the end of year award it had better context than Zanker vs Sydney, but I'm still fond of that right up to the point where we find out she's definitely leaving before the final result and there's a 'shock' change of mind.

Next Week
You cana avoid straight sets and still lose the decider 6-0, but even thought it's highly unlikely that we'll end the greatest winning streak in history I'm very much into having a crack at North. In the limited time since 1st and 2nd could meet in a Preliminary Final, the second place team will never have started underdogs to the same level we will next week and I say bring it on. Like entering the $50 million Powerball jackpot it's probably a waste of time, but until the moment the numbers come out and you've won nowt you can dream about how good the unthinkable will be.

Obviously, Zanker comes back, but the way the forward line worked here with one less tall I'm tempted to say either Bannan or Gall will need to make way. No doubt this will lead to Wotherspoon and Mahony having zero disposals combined in a total of 0.3 but if we're going to beat North by any means don't you think it's more likely to be snaps directly plucked from the arse rather than well crafted kicks to a marking forward? And in light of the best score we've kicked against a good team in god knows how long, I won't get high and mighty in demanding a Pisano recall.

Otherwise, assuming Chaplin's still not going to be right, just go with the same lineup and hope for the best I suppose. And somebody sew the seeds of confusion by starting a fight at the opening bounce please. 

Final thoughts
Now, obviously we want to win next week clean and free of controversy, but at the same time, North Melbourne have you thought about a team building dinner at one of these restaurants?

Finals Destination

Hello, it's your usual correspondent, back from my nervous breakdown just in time for finals. And what says 'uplifting comeback story' better than Melbourne blowing the first part of a double chance? If you consider the entire scope of human existence, it's not that long since we last won a flag under those circumstances... in 1957.

Thanks again to the guest reporters for keeping the red and blue end up over the last fortnight, but I'm here for as long as we keep our finals adventures alive. They're morally obligated to give us another go next week, and having come this far in 2025 I'm prepared to go for another three weeks if it means rising from the dead to make a Grand Final via beating the most unstoppable force in the competition's history.

By now, I'm pretty sure the only people reading this are fellow nutters who also spent the whole week thinking how SHIT it would be to lose eight consecutive finals across the genders. But you can't lose eight until you've lost seven, which is where our old chums Brisbane come in. If somebody can prove there's been a mystical 'flags for finals losses' trade-off it would all be worth it, but as no such thing exists I reserve the right to be morbid and miserable. 

As somebody who always expects the worst but hopes to be pleasantly surprised, I went into this game thinking about pre-ordering commemorative 0-8 merchandise from a foreign sweatshop (not sure who'd buy it, but go with me), and obviously thought "here we go" in record time when the Lions got a free at the opening bounce. 

The return of the mystery midweek injury - previously seen destroying our 2024 season - claimed Maeve Chaplin, and I was not keen on the ball spending any more time than necessary in a Chapless backline, so it wasn't ideal handing the ball over to them with an invitation to wallop it inside 50. Speaking of absent defenders, it's not my place to tell them who to pick (well, not in the women's game anyway, I'll go to the electric chair for selection whinges March - September August) but I felt bad for Laela Ebert that she'd been roped in as an injury replacement, played every game of the season, then got the Tijuana when finals turned up.

The free kick was confirmation bias gold, but inadvertently led to our first goal. They tried to get it inside 50 and test our Gillard and *makes ehhhhh side-to-side hand wobbling gesture* backline, but a pox kick went straight to O'Hehir [insert sound of deviant British laughter], and by not paying a 50 when the ball was slapped from her hands, the umpire helped get the ball to Heath, who got a free for a high tackle. She was well beyond her range, but Brisbane obviously thought she'd have a red hot go anyway because they ignored Harris strolling past for a handoff/goal on the run combo. Not, as it turns out, the start of a huge day out for Tayla against her old side.

We were suspiciously (and misleadingly) dominant early, and another chance soon came via the high tackle/offload method. In this case, Hore graciously declined a long-distance opportunity for her 100th career goal and passed to Fitzsimon. She missed, but at the second opportunity Hore did register the career ton. Which is a great achievement by our reigning greatest player ever, but more importantly at this time put us 13 points up in a final. 

The excitement was diminished a bit by Zanker departing the ground with what looked to me at first like the old "I can still walk but my ACL is mincemeat" scenario, until it turned out she was hobbling while trying to regain composure after a head knock. She passed the concussion test, but was ruled out of the game anyway, which was the safest option after we got away with sending Goldrick back on with a fractured eye socket.

We remained on top until quarter time, and held them to a single point. Maybe it was just the home ground advantage that caused us to lose to Brisbane a few weeks ago? Nothing to do with a forward line subject to more downhill skiing references than Sonny Bono, and finishing games like a car running out of petrol I'm sure. 

Given our very average last quarters this year, I was keen to have some sort of buffer to work with at the end here, and we'd have got a third if Wotherspoon had passed to Bannan or walked a bit further into an open goal instead of trying to roll it through from 30 metres like Ryleigh Pickett. If it went through via any means we'd have been in "hello, what's going on here?" territory, but that miss was the beginning of the end. Next thing you knew the ball was at the other end, where Taylor failed the Acting Football League test of pretending you REALLY wanted to keep the ball in play and instead gently rolled it over like a lawn bowler. Sure, a Lions player had just hoiked the ball in the air seconds earlier, but AFLW umpires have all but decriminalised incorrect disposal so it's not surprising they missed it.

Unfortunately for Taylor, who has been very good this season, and did well in other parts of this game, her over-lingering tackle immediately after helped Brisbane to their second and our first quarter successes had been wiped out. It was back to three points, and remained that when Brisbane converted another free/goal. As she was closest to the ball when it was paid I was worried for a second that Taylor had done a one-person reverse Mad Minute and given away three goals in a row, but thankfully for her the alleged offence had already occurred. Didn't make any difference overall, by now our Zankless forward line had practically ceased trading, and Brisbane were doing all the attacking. 

That's more like how I expected things to go, and a reminder not to do stupid things like feel positive about winning off the back of a couple of early goals. The good news is that the Lions got it out of their system and didn't get another before half time, but neither did we, and watching our attacks die horrible deaths probably brought joy to all those lowly teams we'd beaten the tar out of earlier in the season. Maybe I don't want a two division system as much as I thought? 

Despite Herculean, Gawnesque efforts by Hore to lift her side, we came back from halftime flatter than the proverbial plateful of piss and conceded first. It was just the sort of goal from thin air that we don't do enough, and instead of the finals slogan 'Bring the Heat', I'd suggest they try to 'Bring the Crumb'. I've wrestled all year with which one of the forwards has to make way, and unless the decision is made for us by Zanker going west, I've regrettably landed on Bannan. I will always cherish only knowing we'd won the Grand Final by seeing her celebrate in our general direction, but we've got to get some ground level players down there, and she lacks the versatility of Harris. 

Send letterbombs c/o Demonblog Towers, but please attach your case for using all of Zanker, Bannan, Gall and Harris (+ Campbell/Pearce at times) inside 50. And any danger of playing Pisano again? She hasn't set the world on fire, but if you draft somebody at #5 and have them under contract for two more years there must be a better end to their season than playing in half-baked scratch matches. NFI if she'd have made a difference against Brisbane, but if she plays next week I'll be heavily invested in her doing something useful so this paragraph doesn't make me look like a cock.

Just as we seemed to be swirling around the u-bend, enter Supreme Leader to stick a kick down Mahony's throat and get things going again. I doubt many established teams have three games in a row where somebody kicks their first career goal, but I'd have preferred that as a fun fact to Channel 7's helpful graphic about how Brisbane had never beaten us in a final. Which is not that big an achievement considering there had only previously been two. And when we gave back the Mahony goal soon after, it was time to erase the stat from Talkingpointpedia entirely.

Stranger things have happened than us kicking a run of goals, but I'd all but put up the white flag and wondered if we could change the course of the game by somebody heroically sacrificing their season by going the biff. The Lions look like a team that would enthusiastically throw themselves into stoush and forget about footy, but sadly the theory was never tested.

Other than Hore being dudded out of an open goal by a bounce/close checking opponent, our forward line remained unseen - and the captain was so good everywhere else on the ground she gets a full pardon from being implicated. I'm sure things would've looked a lot better if Zanker was down there, but it doesn't mean the moment she departs (and if she doesn't play this week the departure may already have happened) everyone else goes out in sympathy. 

McNamara was well down the list of people I'd expect to be marking inside 50, and as it's not her job to kick set shots I won't hold a miss against her. Still, as long as we kept the margin under 10 at three quarter time you never know right? And then we let Brisbane go end-to-end in the dying secondsfor a goal where ball hit boot between the on-screen clock expiring and the siren going off. There was a fair push in the back in the lead-up, but that's no excuse for being in that situation to begin with. 

There's always a chance of weird shit happening, but fat chance. It will be retrospectively funny if we win next week and somehow beat RoboNorth in the Prelim but at this stage I'd be willing to bet a kidney against that happening. With nothing else happening in attack Campbell went forward, but her attempting to recapture the Zank magic was like trying to fill the Grand Canyon by chucking in some loose rocks.

After partially starting the rot in the first quarter, Wotherspoon had the chance to inject some life into things but missed, and I reckon it's risky relying on set shot goals so much in a competition where only about 10 players can comfortably kick over 40 metres. The 'spoon agreed with my idea and crumbed one straight through the middle. Of course, this was all for nothing when a minute later four (4) Brisbane players were left running onto a loose ball in the square that may have bounced through on its own anyway. Some teams would've blown it by crashing into each other, or trying to share the ball unnecessarily two metres out from goal but none who were playing in Qualifying Finals. 

It all started with a player wading through a tackle in the middle of the ground, and with 10 minutes go, this was fatal. But not as fatal as conceding another one straight after. I'd like to see the ball tracker evidence that the ball went far enough to be paid a mark, but it was morally no less than we deserved. It said everything about our day when Gillard threw a boot at a loose ball on the half back flank, only for it to shoot off at right angles and out of bounds. If I wasn't obliged to keep watching, I'd have walked out of my TV at that point. 

Gall got one to cut the margin to 13 again, but instead of piling on the pressure just in case, we let them get the ball straight back down their end and nearly kick a goal. It didn't happen then, but the death blow didn't follow far behind. Bannan got one at the end, which was nice for her but too bloody late to be any help for our chances of winning. Which we didn't do, landing us on the edge of another double finals disaster, and on the same side of the draw as a team we probably won't kick a goal against. Just think, if this comp was still played over summer we'd be a few weeks away from Round 1, refreshed and ready for a big season. Now I feel like I want us to win the flag but would be guiltily satisfied to get a start on ignoring footy for the next few months.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Kate Hore
--- Incredible distance ---
4 - Tahlia Gillard
3 - Eliza McNamara
2 - Tyla Hanks
1 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Apologies to Fitzsimon, Mackin and Taylor.

Leaderboard
It's a completely natural grandstand finish that I'm prepared to take a lie detector test to prove was not rigged to create drama. It would be fitting if they shared the award, but as that would likely involve us losing next week and neither being in the top five players (explaining the loss) then let's hope for alternatives. They are officially now the only potential winners.

39 - Tyla Hanks, Kate Hore
--- Cannot win ---
22 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
17 - Eden Zanker
16 - Tayla Harris
15 - Eliza McNamara
11 - Megan Fitzsimon
8 - Tahlia Gillard, Shelley Heath
6 - Olivia Purcell
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick
2 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award)

Goal of the Week
It's the Wotherspoon crumb just for being a rare goal to come unexpectedly instead of first relying on a mark or free inside 50. Zanker vs Sydney remains the leader.

Next Week
The world tour of all the teams we've lost finals to before continues with a return to playing Adelaide. Here's to Bannan bringing back her move from last time of running around the mark for a goal on a run, then sticking two fingers up towards me for trying to trade her. It's just a team balance thing, I promise. The Crows are obviously not what they used to be, but are a cut above the mid-table strugglers we usually dispatch with moderate ease (in Victoria) so this could go anywhere. NFI if Chaplin is coming back, and I seriously doubt Zanker will play, but Goldrick would be a welcome addition in defence and maybe the loss of our best tall forward will accidentally encourage us to do something else in attack. I'll foolishly predict a win but without any confidence.

Final thoughts
It's better to make finals and lose them than not making them at all, because it means you had 12-24 good weeks and only a couple of shit ones at the end, but I'm fanging for a hit of glory so if I promise not to get upset when we die without a trace against North can we just win one more game this year please?  

Second comes right after first

It's thanks to the guest reporter rotation for saving my bacon again, and this time we're crossing time zones for a return report from Mae of Western Australia. It's been 12 years since she contributed the last post of the Neeld era, which is absolutely wild stuff. In the interim she was there for a M flag, I was there for a W flag, and we'll navigate the end of 2025 home and away football commitments together.

Big thanks to Sir Demonblog for letting me jump in this week. Fair warning that this might lean a little more 'vibes' than 'serious football analysis'. (As opposed to my other Champion Data level posts?). One of the joys of AFLW season is how perfectly it coincides with the annual Men’s Off-Season Meltdown. While the papers are full of trade demands and punch-ons, our girls are dishing out proper Demon ruthlessness.

On a personal note, as someone who was the lone girl in the kick-to-kick during school lunch breaks back in the day, I still can't believe I am lucky enough to have AFLW exist in my lifetime. Even though it arrived too late for me to play (not that my lack of talent, fitness, or ability to survive a Shelley Heath tackle would've helped), the W vibe still makes you feel part of it. The players' genuine warmth - from Kate Hore thanking you for holding the banner to their support of the Ruby Demons - makes every fan feel included. It's just a bloody good vibe.

Also, a quick plug for our amazing WA supporter group, the Western Demons. Their latest newsletter has an incredible feature on more than 100 years of women’s footy history, including wartime matches in 1915 where women played in full skirts in front of huge crowds in Perth while raising money for the troops. If that’s your jam, I’m sure they would be happy to send you a copy. Hit them up on Facebook or email westerndemons@gmail.com for a copy.

On another note, I'm loving the club's newfound social-media energy. Living so far from the action, I lap up every post as it makes me feel closer to the teams and fellow supporters. Dropping a joke about 186 (we were using '186' long before the cool kids started saying '6-7,' right?) felt like the start of a new era, and I am absolutely here for it. (Objection - I think it's like telling Pearl Harbour survivors gags about the Japanese airforce). 

Laughing at ourselves is actual Demon Spirit, and the timing — right as our girls were about to head back to the scene of the crime for a must-win (to dodge Norf until the Granny) — showed a cheeky, youthful arrogance that this old chook can absolutely get behind.

Admin’s not sleeping tonight 😔 #DemonSpirit pic.twitter.com/BMMYOfF6WM

— Melbourne Demons (@melbournefc) October 31, 2025

Right, so onto the game. We went in needing a win to cement second spot - aka a ladder position taht keeps us well clear of the Norf juggernaut in week one of finals. We knew the Lions would roll the Pie in their last home-and-away game, so it was pretty simple: win and finish second (hello, Brissie at our Casey stronghold) (or as it turns out, at Princes Park. Which is bad for home ground advantage, but good for not playing marquee games at glorified public parks), or lose, slip to fourth, and cop a humiliation from Norf in week one. Let’s save that for the last Saturday in… November, shall we?

At least we'd already earned the double chance. We've got to maintain recent MFC tradition and go 0–2 in every finals series we're in, right? (This is why the 186 jokes are funny to us.)

The chance to be the first W player to reach 100 career goals was snatched from Kate Hore, with Gemma Houghton hitting the milestone earlier in the day. It's a shame as I really wanted us to win something this year. Still, at least it wasn’t a Norf player taking this one too.

Changes were Georgia Gall returning from her ankle injury, Dingo coming in to cover the injured Molly in defence, and Rigoni making way. I turned on Foxtel to find the Swans–Bombers game still going after a weather delay and found us on the channel labelled 'Lawn Bowls PBL22' instead. Classic.

In the first quarter, Maggie Mahony got a bit greedy early, missing a snap at goal and ignoring Zanker in a paddock of space. Please, girls, don't annoy Zanks when we are up against Daisy to get her to sign a contract. It was a good contest early, with both sides looking dangerous when they found space to run but our tackling pressure - especially from Heath and Hanks - kept shutting down their flow. Add those long Gillard arms cutting off everything, and we were holding firm.

Geelong's pressure was solid too, and a tackle in their forward line gifted them the first goal. But enter Ryleigh Wotherspoon, who pickpockets a Cat with a ninja move and nailed our reply. Must be her cricket background… can we make 'cricket background' the W version of a 'basketball background'? (I feel like she'd have been an elite sledger in her day. Real off-colour stuff, possibly ending in Miandad vs Lillee wielding of willow)

The Cats started dominating uncontested ball, but Maeve Chaplin was reading the play beautifully and saved us repeatedly. They were peppering the goals, but were thankfully kicking with Demon-like inaccuracy. It was a very entertaining opening term, just one goal apiece but plenty of fun to watch. I warned you there'd be more vibes than analysis. (So far we've had a player called Dingo and somebody's alternative sports background raised so A+ from me)

Second quarter. Right, time to lift Dees as Operation Avoid Norf needed to step up a gear. Tyla Hanks, my goodness. What. A. Player. She nailed a strong tackle to win a free, then delivered a precision pass to Tayla Harris. Pure, glorious Hanksy vibes. Zanker slotted our second - please stay, Edo, we love you. She outmuscled her opponent to take a nice mark from a lovely Fitzy long bomb into the hot zone and converted from 20 metres out.

Both sides were tackling like madwomen. Mackin was a bit fumbly (understandable after so much time out), but you can already see how her line-breaking pace and dare will be crucial come finals. We’ve missed that spark all season, and I think having both her and Goldy in the team will make us a lot better. Geelong were moving it quicker, but we'd had more of the ball and repeat inside 50s this term. Their defender out-marking Gall then laughing in her face was outrageous behaviour, though to be fair, with Georgia’s cricket background she probably opened the sledging innings herself (Oops, I blew the cricket sledging storyline too early. Meanwhile, I hope the Cats player who had all the laughs enjoys sitting on the couch next week).

Nina Morrison, though... She's just better than everyone for a few minutes there. Spins out of a pack at their 50 and snaps truly to put the Cats back in front. They're coming hard now. Prespakis hits Morrison again soon after (the curl connection vibes I am here for), but why is she that free inside 50? Very uncharacteristically sloppy defending from us. Luckily she missed but the momentum was all theirs. 

Then, finally, a spark. Harris launches long, Gall takes a cracking pack mark, earns a 50, then dishes off to Fitzy - who handballs to Gillard rather than taking a shot herself, and Gillard bombs her first ever AFLW goal from 40. Scenes! Game 46, and the tall defender gets on the board. After Maeve's first last week, it’s becoming a defender goal fest (Thank god I was in the room for this one, because it was tremendous). Vibes immaculate.

Half-time: Dees 21, Cats 17. Fun, frantic, entertaining footy. I'd settle for boring footy if it meant we locked in second spot without heart palpitations.

Shoutout to a few Demon Army legends - Suze and Claire - spotted behind the half-time boundary chat. Elite banner skills and background acting? Love it.

The commentator described a Hanksy run, bounce, and precision pass to Zanker on the lead as "champagne football". Correct, and the really expensive kind of champers. But the Cats drew first blood in the second half to retake the lead. Come on Dees, don't make this hard for yourself. The connection between mids and forwards wasn't there tonight. Then some Zanker magic, a miracle goal over her shoulder from a ruck contest near the square. Please stay, Edo. Demonblog, surely that’s a Goal of the Year contender? (TBD)

Hanksy was finding more of it now, and Mackin's was shaking off the fumbles and starting to show her run. We were up by 10 halfway through the third and had definitely cranked up a gear, but my blood pressure would prefer a 10 goal lead, not 10 points. Geelong's tackling pressure remained top-notch, and Zanker going off with a bloody nose hurt as we need her up forward.

A random umpiring decision (never been better) gifted the Cats a chance, but an equally random one our way balanced it out. Karma vibes perfection. Hanksy then kicks a Nina Morrison-style goal - crashing the pack, scooping it up, spinning through traffic and snapping truly. God, I love her. Gillard followed with a brilliant smother to kill another Cats attack. But Morrison responded with her own Morrison/Hanks special to keep Geelong within ten. 

Then the skipper stepped up, as Hore channelled her inner-Petracca (oh...) with a clever bouncing goal from the boundary. So classy. That’s her 99th. Another Goal of the Year contender? (TBD!)

Zippy Eliza Mac gets a fingertip on a certain Cats goal, and bless the footy gods, the technology agrees with the ump that she did indeed touch it. (Not that they ever showed us any evidence of this, but I was happy to take their word for it). Then Hanksy capped off one of the best quarters you'll see, laying a fierce tackle, winning the free, and spotting Harris perfectly for a strong contested mark. Tayla nails it after the siren. Five goals to two that quarter. Dees by 23 at the final change.

Mick Stinear is probably one of the most underrated parts of our club. He’s always talking up the unsung players like Heath and Fitzsimon, but how about his own contribution? Premiership coach and still employed.

Now it was time for the girls to bring home second. Wotherspoon was terrific, and she's improving every week despite having barely any footy experience. Must be that cricket background. Harris was huge playing higher up the ground, giving us a strong linking target.

The Cats had plenty of chances early but couldn't kick straight. Our pressure was forcing them wide and keeping the damage down. Then there was some genuinely sexy team footy: slick ball movement by multiple Dees through the middle, ending with a perfect pass to Zanker, who clunks the mark and nails her fourth. Not flashy enough for Goal of the Year, but what a team goal. Pure Dees footy. We're finally starting to connect properly as a team. (And may I suggest we do whatever sort of Melbourne Storm style cash in a paper bag/amended invoices rorts are required to keep her? Thank you). 

The Cats got one back, leaving the margin 21 with five minutes to play. Then another to make it 14 points with a minute left. Typical Melbourne. Siren. Breathe. Dees win 9.5.59 to 6.9.45 and finish second on the ladder. Job done. 

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 – Tyla Hanks – 5 votes, and a quiet moment of appreciation for a star midfielder wearing this number who just quietly goes about being awesome and humble
4 – Eden Zanker
3 – Megan Fitzsimon
2 – Kate Hore
1 – Shelley Heath

Apologies to Ryleigh Wotherspoon, Tayla Harris, Maeve Chaplin and Lauren Pearce.

Leaderboard
37 - Tyla Hanks
34 - Kate Hore
--- Needs three finals to win
22 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
--- Needs four finals to win ---
17 - Eden Zanker
--- Not going to win ---
16 - Tayla Harris
12 - Eliza McNamara
11 - Megan Fitzsimon
8 - Shelley Heath
6 - Olivia Purcell
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Tahlia Gillard, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award), Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Goal of the Week
The Eden Zanker special (grabbing the ball from the ruck and booting it literally over her head) is right up there. Maybe we should just give it to her, along with her 'official prize' of bags of cash to encourage her to sign that new contract (Scam endorsed, but she still wins for the one at Casey from the boundary line post-smother). When Edo's in Hulk mode, she's unstoppable.

The defender's first goal trope always hits, so Tahlia Gillard's long hoof from 40 (set up by that clever Fitzy handball) deserves a nod. And that team goal in the last quarter that ended with another for Zanker was peak Dees footy.

But it has to go to Kate Hore with The Petracca™ from the pocket. I'd call these goals 'The Hore,' but… yeah, also problematic. She’s just so skilled and classy, and every so often she pulls out something that reminds you she’s operating on a completely different level.

Final thoughts
A final note on vibes… Paxy helping carry former teammate and opponent Shelley Scott off the ground in her last game was big W energy.

Also, confirmation that the Official Kate Hore Non-Concussion Prayer Circle put into operation after the game worked, so I guess I'm religious now. "How did you find God, Mae?”, “Well, Kate Hore passed her concussion test so she could play in our first final”…

We’ll need to lift another level for finals, but at least it’s not Norf first up and we get to play at our Fortress of Wind (I'm afraid I've got some bad news for you). Finishing second is a fantastic achievement. We can only play who was in front of us, and we won enough to earn it. Even in the games we lost, we were right in them. A few bounces our way and we're unbeaten. The list is healthy, competition for spots is fierce, and that’s exactly how you want to roll into September  November.

After both our teams missed the eight last year, I'll never take this finals feeling for granted again, and honestly I've got far more faith in our girls than the other mob to actually win another one.

And the feeling is very much mutual there. Thank you very much again to Mae and Craig for filling in while I was having a little nervous breakdown. I'll be back next week for the first leg of our 0-8 finals run. Cheerio and Go Dees.