tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-64089651002940163302024-03-18T22:53:22.719+11:00Demonblog.comMelbourne Football Club until they cart me out in a boxAdam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.comBlogger897125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-14471030279813920702024-03-18T22:52:00.005+11:002024-03-18T22:52:28.743+11:00Where it all begins again<p>Forget the radical idea of all teams playing in the same round, nothing says "footy is back" like fans queuing at the edge of a cliff to jump off after one loss. As one of the teams lucky (?) enough to have been chosen for , we were able to do both 'fork in toaster' and 'everything's going to be alright' by the end of Round 1. </p><p>Fans have probably been making premature judgements after the first game since 1897, but at least they got to proceed to directly to Round 2, where all the same teams were involved. This year we've had two of the participants in the round so bad they didn't number it play each other in the second week, the other six take on sides in the first game of the season, and byes for Brisbane and Carlton after two games.</p><p>I'm sure the AFL has a long list of made-up benefits from last week, but spin until your arm falls off, the whole thing has been a cock-up. Even uncrowned Hall of Fame Legend website AFL Tables went bonkers, just <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/notes.html" target="_blank">threw digital hands in the air</a> and called the first two games - get this for revolutionary - Round 1 and Round 2. I think the Demonwiki plan of Round 1A/1B was cleaner, but after 25 years doing the league's historical work for them who can blame them for refusing to rebuild the database for what should be a one-off wankfest. </p><p>In 1897 you'd still be seven weeks away from Round 1, but in this ludicrously stretched out season we've already bounced from one side of the misery spectrum to the other by mid-March. Even if you doubt the other side is any good, the best medicine for a first-up loss is to beat somebody for premiership points at the next available opportunity. Things looked ropey at the start, and it took a long time to finally shake Footscray off, but we ended the afternoon merrily sinking the slipper into their lifeless shell, so consider Sydney to be the formation lap and we'll take this as the official start of the season.</p><p>The latest stop in the Premiership Hangover Tour nudged the Doomsday Clock back towards 'on-field', but the key danger to our fragile dignity was the next chapter of the administration's war on quiet contemplation. I'm all for Kate Roffey, but will vote for a Glenn Bartlett/Peter Lawrence group ticket if she and/or associated people keep <a href="https://www.theage.com.au/sport/afl/the-melbourne-president-didn-t-want-this-remark-ending-up-in-the-newspapers-20240312-p5fbs9.html" target="_blank">going on about</a> fans not making enough noise withour providing scientific evidence that it makes a jot of difference. To paraphrase Ron Barassi, you give me something to get excited about and I won't shut up. Otherwise you're just trying to force atmosphere, which took the form of fanging chart hits at 3000 decibels before the first bounce. Funnily enough, when we started kicking goals people fired up without needing somebody to yell "make some noise" like an NBL game. We've lost six consecutive finals in all competitions, you can forgive fans for pacing themselves.</p><p>Instead of worrying about what people do when they show up, the Prez should go through the membership database from Aaronson to Zakowski and ask where the rest were. I can't believe we ended up with a crowd of 44k, because at the first bounce it looked like a #fistedforever era game against Gold Coast. The more the merrier, but could any of the people hanging shit on us for not drawing more please explain what an acceptable crowd for Melbourne and Footscray at 1pm on a Sunday in mid-March is? </p><p>People who get into games free and are paid to barrack for the code think that because Essendon and Hawthorn got 73k that people are going to come from everywhere to see (relatively) better teams, when it hasn't worked like that in about 50 years. I'm impressed so many did turn up after the comprehensive botching of the usual pre-Round 1 hype.</p><p>The announced crowd recovered some moral-highground for whinging about the MCG closing the top of the Ponsford Stand. When I expected the announced crowd to be 25k, there was an element of "I can't justifiably complain about this", but now I've got the green light to go full Karen. Unless the club was involved in trying to fake up atmosphere by packing the crowd together, I'm accusing the alleged 'People's Ground' of being tightarses who don't want to risk a sliver of their $5 million annual profit into paying for staff to patrol the area. These are the same people who turned the lights on in blazing sunshine.</p><p>It's good that they've got a sensory room for those who need it, but anything for people who just want to see live games without being around people? I know I'm abnormal, but there must be a few of us. The alternative of Row MM Olympic Stand ended in kids sitting literally next to me at half time, then some bloody family reunion breaking out during the third, leading to flouncing off (and there was a <i>lot </i>of flounce in it) to another section. If that wasn't enough of a live-viewing issue, there was an added degree of difficulty from that bloody camera on a wire that kept swooping down from the stands like Shawn Michaels <a href="https://youtu.be/N5mxCv-4dF0?t=68" target="_blank">at Wrestlemania 12</a>. I'm sure home viewers had the best time since IMAX was invented but it gave me the shits. The camera failed to reappear after half time, and as TCL is now sponsoring footy (please enjoy their <a href="https://www.tcl.com/au/en/blog/tcl-celebrates-new-afl-sponsorship-from-2023" target="_blank">not at all written by AI</a> announcement of same) I'll assume it got hacked by the Chinese government.</p><p>Once all the niche grievances were taken care of, the main event was footy, and for the first few minutes it looked like the humble fan was going to in the firing line for not providing players a more frenzied workplace environment. Against Sydney, we defended well but wondered if that was just because they had sod all good tall forwards. 'Good' is in the eye of the beholder, but the Dogs have a lot of players who can pull down marks inside 50 and they were all queuing up to get involved early. It's a blip now that you know the result, but the first two goals were a big, flashing 'oh shit' warning. Even as somebody who called for calm after the first game I saw the season flash before my eyes.</p><p>Getting hands on the ball would have helped. I don't think there was a single disposal before their first goal, and at best one flubbed handball and Salem being caught HTB before the second. I could have made a case for it going tits up against all those talls, with Marty Hore and Tom McSizzle at the same end for the first time since Carrara 2019, Blake Howes without first game surprise element etc... Enter Steven May, whose professional pride was so wounded by early setbacks that he played the rest of the first quarter like Rambo, going on a one-man crusade for justice. He crashed packs, laid clobering tackles, and was just generally ace. I did think "hope he doesn't get too excited and belt somebody", and was scared to death that his high forearm fend in the last quarter was going to end in suspension.</p><p>I didn't realise at the time that May's big tackle was on Harmes, and that he put the exclamation point on with a verbal spray. Big deal, Harmes got a week for headbutting him in the last quarter and they still cheerfully embraced at the final siren. And I'll bet the lunatic fringe of Footscray fans were delighted to see that. Harmes didn't do much to make you miss him, but could have done anything on the way out short of sticking Norm Smith's jumper between his buttocks and he'd still be a hero to me. The dickhead minority who booed him should be boiled in oil, but it's a step up from Pies fanatics (ina all senses of the word) going from flag to hooting serving players within six quarters.</p><p>Just when things were getting a bit dodgy, enter opening goal specialist Jack Viney. To prove his unexpected versatility, this was completely different to last week's effort. Instead of activating Beast Mode and powering through a pack, he converted a you-know-the-appropriate-reference style burst from the centre bounce, taking on the extra challenge of fumbling a handball, before regathering and belting it through on the run. It was a good finish, and very much needed to calm the nerves. We still didn't know if the forwards were going to kick anyway, but in an era where I expect every game to finish with both teams scoring between 50 and 70 I'll take anything on offer.</p><p>Pickett got the second, and even though he didn't add another major until the last quarter you understood how badly we missed him last week. Whether forward or midfield he produces more energy than Loy Yang B. Now we'd settled into the game, what the Dogs really needed was a goal via absurd clanger. Gawn obliged, running onto a ball in the back pocket that he could easily have let go over the line and trying a weird handball that skewed off in the wrong direction and cost a goal. After facilitating yet another Rising Star nomination in Mystery Week, I was ready for anyone from Riley Sanders to Colonel Harland Sanders to get the next one against us, but it was their other first gamer who got the MFC First Game Fun Pack. He didn't do anything else, but will always fondly recall the gift from Big Max.</p><p>Other than getting over-excited there, there's no need for the same 'woe is us' ruck content as last week because Gawn was nearly BOG. I thought Footscray might use their bonanza of tall players against him, but like defending the goalside of centre bounce stoppages at crucial stages of a Grand Final they had less other ideas. He was back to his best, in the sort of game where you can't imagine what Grundy would have done as second banana. Certainly wouldn't have contributed as much as the back-from-the-dead Ben Brown, who might have had the mobility of an Eastern European car but contested well, and took a few good saving marks along the wing.</p><p>The Dogs still had a handy lead in the dying minutes of the quarter, before going to pieces and letting us crumb a pair to regain the lead. NFI how that happened but we were never behind again, and for all the "no plan B" mockery of the coach, our recovery from a poor start was nearly flawless. </p><p>We did have to survive one attack straight from the next bounce, but everything was going so well now that it turned into Fritsch having a Malcolm Blight style long distance torp after the siren. It missed, with the third (?) review of the quarter determining which side of the point posts it went. Everyone was hanging shit on the goal umpires for not backing themselves, but I feel bad for them because the same people will be calling for blood in the streets when they don't review a howler. After that Adelaide fiasco last year, there's only one direction review numbers are going.</p><p>May did his best to drag us back into the game with brawn, but after a decent warm-up last week, the sixth sense ball-getting was provided by who else but Clayton Oliver. He had a shitload of touches in the first quarter and never slowed down. He's had more disposals in a game, but not many better overall performances considering the pressure of everyone watching, and the lowest rungs of society desperately wanting him to fail.</p><p>I don't know - or need to know - what happened to him last year, but I sense he's much better in the club environment than left to his own devices. You could see the joy he was getting out of this, and the ovation when he left the field in the last quarter was tremendous. I don't know what he's got to redeem after missing a grand total of zero competitive games, but I'll take a redemption storyline if it ends in him playing out a glittering, legend status career with us and/or a happy, stress free life that doesn't end in medical emergencies or related drama.</p><p>The full Oliver experience was on show early in the second when he ran onto a loose ball, bumped off an opponent as he gathered, considered having a flying shot for about 0.1 seconds, before somehow seeing Neal-Bullen standing on his own near goal from the corner of his eye, and guiding a handball to him between three defenders. This left ANB to kick the most casual rolling, bouncing goal of all time. He had so long to set it up that he'd have looked a bit of a tit if it didn't get the all important last rotation as was touched through.</p><p>In an episode of Air Crash Investigation, the voiceover would have greeted this by saying "that was the moment when Bulldog Airlines Flight 1 was doomed", but we didn't officially shift them for another two quarters. That's something to go on with isn't it Dogs fans? Maybe not. </p><p>If you'd told me a few weeks ago that there'd be an early season quarter where everything went Brown I'd have thought you meant a) Kynan, or b) the colour of Simon Goodwin's undies if we were getting thrashed. The Ben variety had flown so far under the radar that there was mass confusion when he turned up at VFL level last week, before an extra round of 'is he still around?' from casual fans when the teams were announced. Recent history suggests he doesn't make it through the full season, but he did a great job all day. The peak came here, where he first brought the ball to ground for Chandler's goal, then get one of his own after nimbly (!) stepping around a hapless defender. His second came from a completely unnecessary free kick for holding while covered by two defenders in the square, but they all count. Refer to several hundred previous posts about how if you create enough genuine contests you'll get some lucky frees. </p><p>Down the other end we hadn't quite killed off their forward line, but it was reduced to Jamarra Ugle-Hagen marking everything but spraying kicks, while the law firm of Naughton, Lobb and English were stricken from the record. This was a triumph for the returning Marty Hore, who played in a winning AFL side for the first time since before old mate from China set us on course for a flag by eating an infected bat. Also back in the defensive winners' circle, Tom McDonald, who was very good as more of a running defender (for want of a better term) than his old old job as a flat-out key position back. I thought Tomlinson was unlucky to be dropped, but this did add an extra element of rebounding attack. He'll probably be back at full forward in six weeks when everything else fails, but I'm willing to bet now that he won't get to the cherished (by me) career average of a goal a game after giving it a 60 game head start.</p><p>As the Big Book O' Footy Cliches would have it, this is a game of inches and after they got the final goal of the first half you do wonder what would have happened if that hadn't been followed by a miss in the opening seconds after the break. Instead, we went down the other end of ANB's second and some much needed breathing space. Alas, Footscray just would not piss off and leave us to enjoy a nice day out. At about the same time the family reunion broke out in front of me, we let another goal in, and it was only a late Chandler shot that made things even remotely comfortable at the last break. </p><p>That goal was a historical moment that will go unreported because it's strictly for sickos like me. Chandler's third made him the all-time top MFC goalkicker in jumper 37. Hard to see why that didn't make the front of the paper. A cautionary note to young players from the previous record holder <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Jim%20Mitchell" target="_blank">Jim Mitchell</a>, whose switch to #1 in his last season has cost him glory 75 years later. Commit to an unusual number and for the record books.</p><p>More importantly to normal people, Chandler was a world ahead of last week. Doesn't hurt to have a certain K. Pickett back in the small forward department, but in the absence of the injured Charlie Spargo I'm claiming 'Mission Accomplished' on my theory that you can't play them in the same side. Charleston hasn't had a game this good in a long time, so it's advantage to KC. That's the way I like it etc...</p><p>Also significantly better than his first outing, Jack Billings. In retrospect, it does seem silly to pick a sub who's fanging to prove himself after a long career at another club, and after doing nada off the bench in Sydney, he was really good here. He's hardly going to win our B&F and trouble the All-Australian selection committee, but if fit he could be an astute gap-filling selection. </p><p>Running away from Footscray was embedded in our club culture on 25/09/2021, but I wasn't ready to accept a 19 point lead was enough. Last week might have been an anomaly based on occasion, opposition, available players, and conditions, but the most recent evidence of Melbourne in the last quarter was us flailing around as if drowning, reduced to accidental goals because nothing else was working.</p><p>My deepest fears got a workout when they stayed forward for the first few minutes. I was ready to demand enquiries about everything up to and including not using the sub early enough on a hot day, when Gawn marked pretty much right in front. To the joy of basic people everywhere he missed, but more importantly they went straight down the other end for a shot that would have made things uncomfortably interesting. It missed, and next thing you know Fritsch fed Petracca with a beautiful handball to goal on the run and they'd wasted their chance to set off our self-doubt.</p><p>It was not quite all over yet, because after missing all the easy shots, Footscray's last gasp came courtesy of a recycled defender who only had about two previous career goals cracking one through from distance. Didn't have any long term negative impact, but possibly only because an attack where they had all the numbers fell apart with a fumble and turned into us kicking the reply goal. </p><p>That caused air to finally evacuate the Bulldog balloon with a big "pffffffffffft" sound, and once the body hit the floor we merrily took out some of our frustrations from last week by sticking the boots in. From there we converted a ludicrous (for us) percentage of attacks into scores, while the opposition was losing the will to live. They briefly got it back to four goals the difference with six minutes left, but even I wasn't worried about a comeback... after we turned back an attack from the next centre bounce. Good thing it wasn't close, because Lever spent large parts of the last quarter in cramp hell. He returned at the end, god knows why, but looked likely to go into full body spasm at any moment.</p><p>ReviewMania continued when they stopped the game with the ball in play to try and work out if it had crossed the line for a point. It hadn't, so they bounced it and things were getting really silly. I've accepted that reviews are never going away, but I'd save them for deciding if the ball crossed the goal line, and for hitting the post. Somebody will go off about "what if the game was decided by a point?", but that's a false argument (and here I go with this for another year, see also Score, Expected) because one you pay it the other way, the game goes off on a different path. We'll live if a couple of points a year go the wrong way.</p><p>The Dollop of Wallop portion of the afternoon began when Pickett kicked a Pickett-esque goal from nowhere right in front of the MCC Members, delighting the only full section of the ground. Later the same people were pictured going apeshit when Oliver ran off after playing his heart out, but any of our fans who weren't moved at that point need their pulse checked. He had another chance for a running goal that would have lifted the roof off the standards, before doing the team thing and setting up JVR instead. What a man.</p><p>As usual I've only paid scant attention to the previous career of our new arrivals, but I'm reliably informed (by who else but AFL Tables) that Jack Billings once kicked <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/games/2017/031520170513.html" target="_blank">five in a game</a>. But then again so did Sam Blease and Brent Heaver. He got his first in our colours here, even if - and you'll never guess what happened next - it had to survive a video review. When the question is the ball hitting the post, why don't they got to the snicko first instead of frame-by-frame vision at the same resolution as full motion video from mid-90s video games?</p><p>The Dogs' descent into madness was complete when a kick-in disaster saw Billings feed Salem a cheap one from the square, and a Brown miss on the siren is all that cost us a 50 point win. It sure didn't feel that brutal, but who doesn't love reminders of another time we unexpectedly ran up the score against this opposition?</p><p>So, the other side may be no better than mid-table mediocrity but watching us win at the MCG (or anywhere for that matter) was a nice way to kick the season off for real. The next six months is going to be a potentially fatal rollercoaster of emotions, but now you know that we can beat somebody, the mission is to do that about 20 more times, ending on a similarly sunny day at the other end of the season.</p><p><b>2024 Allen Jakovich Medal votes<br /></b>5 - Clayton Oliver<br />4 - Max Gawn<br />3 - Steven May<br />2 - Christian Petracca<br />1 - Jack Billings</p><p>Massive apologies to Viney and Chandler. Significant apologies to Brown, Lever, McDonald, Rivers and Salem </p><p><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>8 - Steven May (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />5 - Clayton Oliver<br />4 - Max Gawn (LEADER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Viney<br />3 - Judd McVee<br />2 - Christian Petracca, Tom Sparrow<br />1 - Jack Billings, Blake Howes (LEADER: Rising Star Award)</p><p><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b><br />It's welcome back Pickett, and straight to the top of the leaderboard for that out of thin air one in the last quarter. In the unlikeliest scenario ever, he shares the podium with 2x Jack Viney. I liked last week's power move goal, but the one this week was very good because he had to regather it first. You'll notice there's no JVR vs Sydney included, even though it won Goal of the Week, because that was the worst thing we've been nominated for at the SCG since Howe took Mark of the Year while we were 85 points down, then immediately botched a handball. </p><p>1st - Kysaiah Pickett (Q4) vs Footscray<br />2nd - Jack Viney (Q1) vs Sydney<br />3rd - Jack Viney (Q1) vs Footscray</p><p><b>Matchday experience watch<br /></b>Our first home game of the year is the activation (*spit and spew simultaneously*) equivalent of Homer Simpson and new billboard day. This year's big innovation was 'Simba Cam', which encouraged fans to hoist their child into the air and... not much else. It certainly wasn't because Disney paid us a huge pile of cash, so wait until their lawyers find out what we're up to. Either that or it'll go the way of Hogan's Heroes/Howie's Hangers when somebody trips over a seat and their child ends up in ER.</p><p><b>Crowd watch (incorporating White Line Fever and Sorted For G's and Whizz)<br /></b>I've never seen so many young men patiently waiting for bathroom cubicles at half time. Doesn't seem like a sanitary place to whop foreign substances up your nose, but given that the gear is probably cut with 72% oven cleaner anyway, what's the difference? One distant New Year's Eve I sampled the genuine article and ended up walking from Toorak to Southbank to Richmond, via singing the Grand Old Flag out loud in Fawkner Park. Which seems like a much better use of excess energy than watching more wonky footy. </p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>I've given Hawthorn no respect this year, so next week will either confirm my suspicions about them or end in an embarassing reverse that will have the vultures back on our doorstep. They pushed us late last year, in a game so tedious that it caused at least one of our players to go on the rails, but on paper things should turn out ok.</p><p>Selection gets interesting after Ben Brown's surprise revival, last week it was how quickly can we get Petty back, now there's probably scope to warm him up in the Reserves. Petty has played more damaging games in the last 12 months, Brown has years of experience so you know what you're going to get, and each has lower extremities that could catch fire at any moment.</p><p>There's also a question of whether we need all these tall defenders against a side not called Footscray. As far as I'm aware, and get ready to be proven wrong when Jason Dunstall 2.0 kicks a dozen, Hawthorn isn't exactly flush for exciting marking forwards. Regardless, the Cararra Club of McDonald and Hore should be rewarded for good performances. So for once, especially because Casey lost a practice match to perennial stragglers Coburg, let's say no change. Woewodin didn't do anything wrong so he can go again as sub, and after making five changes this week let's relax and not worry about our flimsy depth for a few days.</p><p>IN/OUT: Nil<br />LUCKY: Nil<br />UNLUCKY: Petty, Tomlinson</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />Don't block out your calendar for September yet, but this was a much-needed reminder that we were only slightly off last week. If we keep enough players upright until the end of the year things can still turn out well.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-12159812586306877002024-03-18T00:30:00.000+11:002024-03-18T14:46:50.307+11:00Standard 'post delayed' notification<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;"></div><div>Dees win, I'm getting to the review. Do something good for society while you wait. </div><div><br /></div><div>Keep an eye on <a href="http://twitter.com/demonblog" target="_blank">Twitter</a> or <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Demonblog" target="_blank">Facebook</a> for a link. Send any thoughts on the game via the usual channels and I'll incorporate/shamelessly steal them.</div><div>
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<script async="" charset="utf-8" src="//platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/10232438435178283697noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-89724545571506862522024-03-09T15:49:00.003+11:002024-03-09T15:49:24.396+11:00Open. Shut.<p>Considering our long history of being unwatchable, I can understand why the AFL doesn't trust us with the first game of the season. Given how many years they had Carlton and Richmond bore the tits off everyone I'm surprised we've been the opening act six times in the last 30 years. Don't stay up for the next one, after another repeat of the same low-scoring sludge we've lost 15 times in recent years, they won't be asking us back anytime soon.</p><p>This was nearly enough to turn me off the sport of Australian Rules football, but as I set up these links to previous opening games we're going through them anyway. The teenage misery years helped me avoid the unmerciful humping <a href="https://demonwiki.org/Round+1+1996" target="_blank">by Geelong</a> in 1996 (made up for it later...), but I do remember being shocked by the next year's 'eventual wooden spooners beat reigning premiers' <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+1+1997" target="_blank">false start</a>. There was a temporary setback <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+1+2000" target="_blank">in 2000</a>, and a near-permanent setback <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2007/03/give-me-my-friday-night-back.html" target="_blank">in 2007</a>, before we returned to <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2022/03/desire-unfreed.html" target="_blank">raise the flag</a> 15 years later. Not much joy in all that, but '22 was good.</p><p>We'll judge the historical context of this year's loss later. For now, you can either drop your bundle and try to sack somebody, or curl into a ball and hope for the best. I'm taking the second option with a side serving of confirmation bias for my theory that we're a fringe finals side that will need everything to go right to contend for the top prize.</p><p>The key difference between all the opening rounds since 1897 and this 'Opening Round' was the AFL torching convention by not giving it a number. Who cares where they play the games, just have a split round instead of playing a full card of Round 1 games next week, featuring all the teams who have already played. It's harmless stuff, unless you're a sicko like me who values order over marketing department bullshit. They also played the first game in Sydney, which has never happened in the history of the game if you ignore <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/games/2012/162120120324.html" target="_blank">2012</a>.</p><p>I thought the focus on the frontier states (where footy is the game of the future and always will be) was a sad attempt to leap into a gap in the NRL calendar, only to find out that their season proper started on the same night. They may as well be honest and admit it was a consolation Gather Round. Hopefully the competing clubs are cut in on what bung the AFL got from New South Wales/Queensland for doing it. Just send a cheque, best we stay clear of whatever coke and hookers side deals they had going on. </p><p>Channel 7 and the AFL are practically two wings of the same cartel these days, but the artificial "how much fun are we having?" excitement about being in Sydney was hilariously overblown. The highlight was their vigorous, dignity-free walloping over the crowd, when the last home and away game at the SCG, against the same opposition, drew more people. I'm looking forward to the crowd for GWS/Collingwood being talked about as the dawn of a new era when 90% of them are going for the visitors. Like the NRL in Vegas, Port Adelaide in China, and AFLX, they're well within their rights to do unusual things, just don't piss in our pocket by pretending it's a game-changing historical moment when any sensible person can see otherwise.</p><p>Even before spending four quarters making the sound of a slowly deflated balloon, I didn't want to be involved in this nonsense. Surely the only reason we got the call-up was because somebody still harbours fantasies about a CityWars rivalry between 'Melbourne' and 'Sydney'. This dates back to the Swans' first home game <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+1+1982" target="_blank">in Sydney</a> (with the added bonus of us coming off a 1-21 season, all but guaranteeing a home win), but in the 40 years since nobody's found a way to make people care about the meekest organisation in Australia against a reheated Victorian side. For this, they got two solid defensive sides with ridiculously malfunctioning forward lines, and not surprising one of them (guess which one) sat on a sad-looking 1.8 just before half time. </p><p>Meanwhile, in the core footy states plenty of people who don't live their life on the internet thought this was another practice match. Like it or not, Victoria is still the powerhouse of the game and there hasn't been a flatter build-up in recent memory. They were rooted for a big Round 1B angle until Carlton launched a miracle comeback against Brisbane, setting up their game against another side who has already played, while we're against... one that hasn't? What a farce.</p><p>They'll build up a frenzy eventually, but I'll be interested to see how strong it is by September. This season is so drawn out that it started a day earlier than 2000, which was brought forward for the Olympics. Playing for premiership points on March 7 helped us lose the weather lottery, setting up the sort of greasy, humid conditions that are usually followed by us toiling for four quarters to kick a rotten score. And here we are again, but blaming the conditions would be an even cheaper deflection than blaming umpires, and I sure won't be doing that after they gifted us one of the most ludicrous advantage goals of all time.</p><p>Officially, Round Zero Dark Thirty began 2024 but it may as well have been a continuation of last year. We didn't need a moist footy to kick barely defensible scores that left us relying on good luck and/or the opposition necking themselves spectacularly. So that's something to look forward to. No need to drop your toaster in the bath yet, I'm not panicking until Pickett, Petty, McAdam etc... come back and it still resembles the Oscar McDonald at full forward era.</p><p>If you're searching for bad omens (and at 0-1 who isn't?), there was a bit of 2019 about it. Troubled pre-season leads to three quarters of competitive footy against decent opposition before total collapse in the final term, while an ex-player has the time of his life in new colours. I'm not expecting the same kind of death spiral, but if we mix a slow start and injury drama it could end in collective loss of will to live. Famous last words, but don't hold your breath if you're waiting for the coach to be booted. He's going to get McGuire/Buckley levels of protection until the lawsuits are sorted out. Though I wouldn't rule out secret documents in the safe that will be used to 'persuade' him to 'spend more time with the family' if things go really bad.</p><p>I was woefully underprepared for the new season. It would have been easier to watch a couple of neutral games first before emotionally committing. Like a surprise nuclear strike I only had a few minutes to come to terms with impending doom before the blinding flash and shockwave. We got the doom, but with none of the expected fireworks. </p><p>I'm happy that Blake Howes and Caleb Windsor made their league debuts, but sorry they had to do it in a weird round that will confuse the piss out of everyone in years to come. Howes can also cherish his first touch in league footy being met with a giveaway "no idea who that is" pause from an underprepared commentator, then the second had an equally telltale pause as they frantically scanned the team sheet for his name.</p><p>To nobody's surprise, the season started with us indiscriminately hoofing the ball inside 50. As the first one reached the contest I had a brief, hopeful flash of "maybe we'll pull down a mark" optimism. And you know how that went. Cue opening minutes where we had the ball down there a lot but NFI how to turn that into goals, with our backline easily dismissing anything Sydney threw at them. Whoever proposed this matchup for the first game must have been thinking about chowing down on a cyanide pill.</p><p>With artisan goals off the agenda, we nearly got the opener when Gawn gently dismissed Grundy in a ruck contest. He hit the post and it was all downhill from there. Max hasn't had a worse Round 1 since Port Adelaide beat him up while the rest of the side stood around going "gee, that's not good". This was great content for simpletons and Channel 7 personalities (plenty of crossover in those groups) who had "stir up Grundy controversy" right under "treat this like the greatest night in the history of our sport" in their talking points. On his return to first ruck duties, Grundy played the sort of quite good but not great game he did multiple times for us in Gawn's absence last year, while the callers carried on like Polly Farmer had been reincarnated.</p><p>Any sceptical rugby fans who'd turned in for the first time (and been temporarily paralysed so they couldn't turn it off) would have thought he'd left us in the most acrimonious circumstances since T. Scully, when in reality it was a perfectly amicable split. Unless you buy into the unlikely idea that he'd have replaced Gawn as first ruck, pretending he'd have done exactly the same thing for us as against is incredibly dumb. Mind you, I might have been a bit more interested in holding him to his contract if I'd known we were going to go from two All-Australian ruckmen to an ageing Gawn, a Brisbane discard, and kids so raw that they'd give a cannibal food poisoning. </p><p>While the Grundy experiment wasn't a spectacular success, he was good enough during Gawn's early-season injury, didn't do anything horribly wrong, and helped get Max through to the end of the year in one piece. Now, if Tom Fullarton or A. Random don't come good we'll run the captain into a coma by Round 10. I don't care what happens at centre bounces, we need him in one piece to get us out of jail with contested marks around the ground. </p><p>Whatever the answer to the second ruck question is, I don't think the answer is Josh Schache. Remember picking him instead of Grundy in a final then leaving him on the bench all night? For want of any better options it was fair enough to give him a go, but he's got Jordan Gysberts-level intensity and doesn't kick goals so no need to see him again until we're desperate in about Round 19. </p><p>van Rooyen wasn't much better in front of goal, but I know which one I trust to do something if he gets the right support. The other night he was on the Weideman 2020 plan, expected to beat the entire opposition backline to kicks arriving as if dropped from space. I hope any combination of Petty, Fullarton, McDonald or B. Brown (who I never expected to see again but just played in a Casey practice match) will shift focus enough so he can get his confidence up. There's structural work to be done too, but based on last year's experience we've got stuff all hope of that being addressed.</p><p>If this is a replay of 2023 (and to be fair we nearly blundered into a Prelim), get ready for months of May, Lever et al working themselves to a standstill keeping the other side to gettable scores and hoping we can pluck something from our forwards to cover it. Sydney's forward line was almost as bad as ours, but if nothing else they had targets, and we generally kept them quiet. The locals helped with some bonkers kicking for goal, but not for the first time our defenders would be justified cracking the shits about their hard work being wasted. By the end, May should have sent himself forward and ordered somebody else to go back and see how it feels.</p><p>It took a goal from thin air nowhere to get us going, with one of the 10,000 forward stoppages ending with Viney struggling manfully through a tackle to put ball on boot. He was very good, but it was easy to stand out in our midfield with Petracca well held and Oliver slowly working his way back into it. Sparrow was fine, but it could have been better considering how many key players they were missing. Salem got a lot of it, but I don't know whether bulk collection of ball in the middle is better for us than accurate kicking in defence. I'm confident Oliver's going to be ok, he was rusty, and perhaps a bit nervous, but you could see that his sixth sense instinct for being in the right place was still there. It was 100% "will be better for the run" stuff.</p><p>We wasted all these chances while Sydney produced goals directly from the arse. How often has the difference been us spending minutes/hours/decades trying to find a traditional route to goal, only to concede to some fluky kick over a pack? It was a mark of how (relatively) well everything else was going, and Sydney's equally wonky attack, that we were only a couple of goals behind.</p><p>Unless you were committed to one of the teams, the second quarter must have been like watching paint dry. We kept them to one goal, and finally rose above the forward flops to get the much-needed reply from ANB. Then we didn't, as he surely became the first player to have goals taken away by mystery video reviews in consecutive games - as if we needed another reminder of that Carlton final. Now that we've been on the wrong end of this twice, I'm begging for the result of a game to be reversed after the siren when the final kick is shown to have brushed a fingernail. For extra impact, let it happen to a team whose fans will take it really badly. Later the goal umpire asked for replay when the ball had furiously cracked off the post and I'm not sure any of this was good for football.</p><p>Just as I was about to spend half time watching the Grand Final edition All The Goals video and crying, Langdon did what the forwards couldn't and found acres of space inside 50. He converted the set shot despite an unnecessary lecture from the umpire about how he wasn't allowed to run off his line when practically right in front. That took us to the dizzying heights of 2.8 at the half, and it was a mark of how ordinary the night had been that we were still a reasonable chance of winning. </p><p>Even in the most self-indulgent era of this page I'd have struggled to go into forensic depth on this game, but the third quarter was easily the only bit worth watching. There was even a brief, lovely moment where we hit the front. It didn't last, but nice to know the evening wasn't completely wasted. After an early goal to Fritsch, we were let off the hook but some dreadful Sydney misses. Then we did our bit for the game in expanding markets by gifting them a goal via a 50. The rest of the game featured players from both sides dancing around on the mark after being told to stand so apparently that rule has gone the same was as dissent, which will lead to controversy when an umpire shocks everyone by enforcing the actual written laws of the game.</p><p>The goal that put us in front was one of the most shameful applications of the advantage rule in history. We won a perfectly normal free kick, somebody toepoked it forward, and the umpire didn't call play on until it had gone another 10 meters beyond the spot the original free was paid and Fritsch found the ball in acres of space to turn and snap. That has definitely happened against us at some point because I remember being outraged by it, so as morally suspect as it was, I'm glad one finally went in our direction.</p><p>Considering that freebie, you couldn't really argue giving the goal back via a rare defensive meltdown. In the interim, Bowey blew his shoulder with a brave defensive effort, then had to sit on the sidelines watching the game go up in smoke. I was ready to crack the sads when we conceded a late one via Spargo lightly whacking somebody off the ball. Mind you, everything is off the ball when you're watching Channel 7 broadcast everything on 500x time zoom. Thankfully, that was wiped out by Petracca reemerging from the Witness Protection Program to burst from the middle Mad Minute style for the response. It may have been Alice Springs-level humid, but if we were still capable of outrunning teams in the fourth quarter things might have turned out ok. We're not and they didn't.</p><p>After 30 minutes of acting like a normal team, it was back to attacking misery after three quarter time. The Swans slowly pulled away, and our only goal came in <i>Three Stooges</i> fashion when JVR dropped a mark onto his upper leg, with the momentum propelling it over his head and through. We were in a better position for a comeback than... say... Brisbane last year, but went back to having all the firepower of the Mongolian Navy.</p><p>We were already long finished when the pain was prolonged by ground invaders. It should have been Extinction Rebellion protesting the extinction of our forward line, but turned out to be just two plonkers going for a run across the ground. This seems to happen quite a lot in Sydney, but unless the flange is <a href="https://www.sportingnews.com/au/league/news/scg-streaker-was-nrl-prospect-bbl-rugby-league-cricket-big-bash-league-sydney/agkdiicsksap1k3z84uxesi8e" target="_blank">on display</a> it's not a 'streaker'. In this case it <a href="https://articles.listnr.com/triple-m/triple-m-footy/triple-m-commentates-the-scg-streaker/" target="_blank">appeared to be</a> a close relative of Jordan Gysberts in long pants, which is about as far away from streaking as you can get. Commentators love to talk up the fines for this sort of stuff, ignoring the fact that the sort of people who are likely to interrupt a major sporting event for the lols are probably not the type to bother paying fines in the first place.</p><p>So it ended in slow, drawn out sadness, and you'd be forgiven for getting a bit sad about any pre-season optimism flying out the window at warp speed but I suggest not trying to launch a military coup just yet. Things can only get better, and if they don't we'll have a great time burning the place down. </p><p><b>2024 Allen Jakovich Medal</b><br />5 - Steven May (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />4 - Jack Viney<br />3 - Judd McVee<br />2 - Tom Sparrow<br />1 - Blake Howes (LEADER: Rising Star Award)</p><p>Apologies to Fritsch, Lever, Oliver, Salem and Tomlinson </p><p>... and a reminder that we're changing the name of the Rising Star after the passing of Jeff Hilton. He was attached it in the early days of this page as a cheap excuse to talk about a 90s cult figure, but I don't want the name to come off as a pisstake now so it's being retired. All the remaining awards are named after somebody from that decade, so it's about time we moved into the 21st century. A <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1765508171659964636" target="_blank">snap poll</a> of Twitterists preferred another obscure figure over a fitting tribute to somebody like Nathan Jones. Poor Chunk, first I failed to deliver on the promised LOYALTY statue, now this. Stay tuned for a shortlist of potential nominees. </p><p><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b><br />I can't justify sending van Rooyen to the top because it was a complete fluke, but he can start the year on the leaderboard because there aren't many other options.</p><p>1st - Jack Viney (Q1) vs Sydney<br />2nd - Christian Petracca (Q3) vs Sydney<br />3rd - Jacob van Rooyen (Q4) vs Sydney</p><p><b>Next week</b><br />It's our old chums Footscray, who are arriving via the traditional method of playing their first game of the season in Round 1. This season could go in any direction for them, and it doesn't bother me whether they make finals, finish last or burst into flames, but I really need to win so we don't have to put with 'club in crisis' video packages with foreboding music and clips artistically shown in black and white to emphasis trouble in the air.</p><p>Because this competition is run like a Tijuana whorehouse, the VFL doesn't start for three weeks so god knows how we're supposed to decide on changes. When I started writing this post I couldn't find any mention of Casey playing a practice game. Then updates started appearing on their Twitter, for the first three and a bit quarters before the person who runs their account finding something better to do. I was astounded to see a mention of Ben Brown, and had to double check to make sure they weren't talking about Kynan. If he's got any mobility left he could come in handy, especially when Petty breaks again five minutes after returning.</p><p>As far as changes go, nothing happened to dissuade me from a deeply held belief that you can't have Spargo and Chandler in the same side. For now it's advantage Kade, but not by much. I feel bad for chucking Laurie, but he's never done anything yet to suggest being a first choice player. </p><p>Pickett obviously comes in, and Billings should get a full game to see what happens, but otherwise the depth warning light is flashing before the second game. I'll have a McSizzle cameo to fill the gap until Petty returns, and will give Kynan Brown a run, but otherwise blah. We've still got enough available quality to win but the Veil of Negativity is slowly descending towards me. </p><p>IN: Billings, K. Brown, Pickett, McDonald, <br />OUT: Laurie, Schache (omit), Spargo (omit to sub), Bowey (inj)<br />LUCKY: Chandler<br />UNLUCKY: B. Brown</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />I'm still all-in on a fairytale run to the flag, where we make finals in unspectacular fashion, then shock the world by making the Grand Final, only for Joel Smith to return on a technicality, kick six, then voluntarily retire while being off on the shoulders of jubilant supporters. Could happen.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-32344483598384946642024-02-29T19:51:00.005+11:002024-03-01T10:38:00.607+11:00Better than the alternative<p>There's a time I'd have committed everything to attending a 6.40pm Wednesday practice game, in 38 degree temperatures, at a crumbling suburban ground. Not this decade. Maybe in the future when this sort of weather is considered mild. Instead, I did the right thing and took my kid to gymnastics, only to completely ignore that and watch the game on the phone while the helpfully provided fan blew the stench of an unrelated child's rogue borry directly up my nostrils. </p><p>Speaking of foreign substances in the nose, it was another perfectly normal week at the Melbourne Football Club. First came the screaming headlines about Joel Smith's supposed 'drug trafficking'. I thought he must have upped the ante by importing millions of dollars of rack from Bolivia in spaghetti tins, but turns out he just (allegedly) offered gear to mates, making it about the lowest level of 'trafficking' you could imagine. After they'd incorrectly led you to believe that Smith had gone full Tony Montana, there was something about teammates being involved and anguished fans were about to set themselves on fire. I'll get wound up about it when the names are revealed to be anyone currently senior listed at the Melbourne Football Club. </p><p>I've got zero professional sympathy for Smith failing the 'fuck around and find out' test, but even if the spontaneous combustion of his career is entirely his fault you're still dealing with a human who's done the most pissweak crime since jaywalking. Even if Joel never plays again, I hope the club supports him, while journalists who have about as much credibility lecturing people on drug use as Pablo Escobar can wind their outrage back a bit.</p><p>There was a short departure from self-inflicted woes as we dealt with Angus Brayshaw's immediate retirement. This was the sort of massive story I'd have found about on Twitter before current ownership botched it up. Instead, it was back to the old school (by modern standards) method of finding out crucial information via email, and when I saw the subject line 'Thank you Gus' I knew it was all over. At first I was sad about him having his career taken away, then I realised that it's better if he doesn't come back and risk long term damage. He can't get better than being part of <i>that </i>flag side, and will still pocket a metric shitload of money over the next several years so why not something you enjoy that won't end in serious brain damage. They can't take him starting the greatest hour in human existence away.</p><p>Now we'll never find out if Pies fans were going to disgrace themselves booing him on King's Birthday. Never mind, 2024 will still have 'Americans reelect Donald Trump' for confirming stereotypes. Maybe we should lure them into it by holding off on his lap of honour until then. If we can just get one or two red-faced scumbags yelling at him over the fence, or at the very least somebody with a mullet giving the finger, it will provide years of entertainment/moral highground. I'm not slightly into pursuing Brayden Maynard until the end of time, there's far more comedy potential in arguing with their cult-like fans.</p><p>Before officially concluding the biggest week of footy you're going to get in February with a match (remember them?), there was hysteria over some bullshit Facebook post about Simon Goodwin. Even the pre-match interview with him referenced it, shortly before he used the word "connected", said Clayton Oliver was "connecting" with his teammates, and was told "we hope you get through tonight" in a way that implied Kate Roffey was going to jam a black hood over his head mid-match. By now if he gets sacked for any reason other than starting 0-10 it'll make Glenn Bartlett look right so that's not going to happen. It did make me wonder if this could be the gateway to a long-awaited Choke Yourself With A Tie reign. Probably not, so best to just stick with the incumbent for a bit longer.</p><p>There was so much other nonsense going on that Oliver playing in the earlier Casey game barely rated a mention, but no doubt somebody's got a hot exclusive about him putting recycling in the wrong bin to drop the moment he's recalled to the senior side.</p><p>Unlike last week's non-existent game, this got the full Fox Footy treatment. I thought it was a bit rude to show highlights of the Blues knocking us out of the finals, then they balanced the ledger by reminding everyone that Carlton blew a five goal lead in the Prelim, giving everyone the chance to go into the official start/actual end of the pre-season campaign in some degree of misery.</p><p>I resolved not to take any of this seriously, but by the final siren was at least confident that if either of these sides goes into a 2019 MFC style death spiral it won't be us. Obviously that will come back to haunt me. For now, we did what was required, nobody got hurt, the players got some sort of minor morale boost from playing in a win together for the first time since R24 last year, and we head towards what I'll refer to as Round 1A until the AFL takes out an injunction to stop me. Well done Leigh Montagna for openly calling it Round 1 on commentary. He obviously got a tap on the shoulder after quarter time and started buying into the nonsense, but if Dwayne Russell worked frivolous contests like this you can imagine how excited he'd be to push the marketing department's line.</p><p>We had a lot going on inside 50 early, for about as much reward as you've come to expect. Ironically, Pickett is about to serve a one game suspension for walloping Patrick Cripps but nobody batted an eyelid about him playing against the Blues here. He turned law and order on its head by winning a free for the first shot on goal. It missed, but even after kicking 15.11 I suspect you'll need to get used to us doing that. </p><p>It would help if we didn't set up so many shots 40 metres out hard on the boundary line. The delivery to Fritsch was reminiscent of 2020, when he was subject to enforced social distancing from any reasonable angle. When he finally got a shot, Bayley charitably tried to set it up to the top of the square where it was easily chopped off. Let's have no more of this sharing is caring rubbish, just take the shot.</p><p>As the game went on we found unexpectedly large holes in Carlton's defence, but for now targets were hard to find. Enter Max Gawn, who decided that the best way to overcome the shortage was to boot a nuclear missile set shot from about 60 metres out. Hint to opposition teams - when the real stuff begins, probably have somebody standing as close as legally possible to his right so he can't wind up like this. The difference in philosophies between the sides was shown by Carlton wiping this out about 10 seconds later by bursting from the middle and sticking the ball right into Harry McKay's guts. It involved a massive throw first, but good luck if you can get away with it.</p><p>We soon found out that forward targets were overrated, when the second goal came via a 50 to Chandler. So if other teams could just be incredibly ill-disciplined all year we should be right. When we finally did kick the ball effectively to somebody inside 50 it was van Rooyen landing it on Schache, and while I'd much rather that happen the other way around it was duly converted. For want of any other options, I think the Schache Attacke is going to feature early in the season. I'd like to say 'feature prominently', but am waiting further evidence. Maybe he's a Carlton specialist and would have done something like this if we'd ever let him on the ground in that final?</p><p>There was a claim on the commentary that the crowd was "starting to build with people coming from work", which is the most pre-COVID thing I've ever heard. They would have had plenty of time to get to Princes Park if they'd done the traditional 9-5, the delay was them getting from all points of the compass after a big day of moving the mouse to be seen online and then walking the dog.</p><p>In a real pre-season scenario, we had the benefit of kicking with the shade in the first quarter. The Blues had plenty of entries that died because the forward couldn't see a thing. Blake Acres didn't have sun in the eyes to excuse the dropped mark that gifted us another goal, and I would like to ask where were unforced errors like that when he was dicking us in the last minute of a Semi Final? In case you were focusing on that unpleasant memory, Gawn brought back thoughts of happier days with a shot after the siren. This time he couldn't run in via Moreland Road, but converted a weird set shot that looked like it was going OOF, then dragged back to practically straight through the middle. </p><p>It was a solid quarter, but I wasn't ready to have my house on us turning it into flag. Let's just start with making the eight and not kicking ourselves out of finals then work up from there. I'm worried that we'll have a good start to the year, then fall apart when the wafer thin depth is tested. If you thought there wasn't much in the tank last year consider that Brayshaw and Smith are gone for good, Turner is already injured for half the year, Petty probably will be 10 minutes after he returns, Melksham won't be seen until August, and Ben Brown is one step from 'where are they now'. I'm all for Salem in the midfield, Windsor on the wing, and the ongoing development of McVee, JVR etc... but none of that's going to be any good when we get to Round 20 with Oliver Sestan, Kyah Farris-White, and some rando from the mid-season draft.</p><p>If we don't even wait for an injury crisis before going tits up this year, you can be sure that the CLUB IN CRISIS montages will include Lever and May having a frank and honest discussion in the wake of a Carlton goal. I say there should be more of it, if the two greatest modern defenders in club history can't demand more from each other who can? It's not like May was yelling at some poor rookie, he was debating the issues with somebody on his level and good luck to them. At least this time he ended an argument without being punched.</p><p>Hopefully whoever was cutting up footage of that 'dispute' left the tape running long enough to see Caleb Windsor kicking a turbo goal on the run. Wherever Lachie Hunter was, I think he might have asked Google for directions to Casey Fields after seeing that. Though are we absolutely sure that Langdon even finished 2023 ahead of Hunter? Either way, I think Windsor will have the memories of his debut spoiled by it occurring in a fictional round but don't expect him to play every game so there's opportunities for all of them yet. Mind you, I thought Judd McVee was just warming a spot for Salem last year and look at him now.</p><p>Considering what Joel Smith was reportedly up to at the end of last year, it should be noted that he was having the best forward run of his career. Maybe he was like that snooker player who could only play effectively when pissed? Take note Fritsch, who came in to this game presumably stone cold sober, then kicked for goal like he'd just come from <i>New Jack City</i>. To keep things interesting he even punted one set shot straight into the man on the mark. JVR also missed an opportunity, before the increasingly Todd Viney-looking Sparrow randomly appeared at the top of the square for our seventh.</p><p>It took the most blatant two handed shove in the back that you'll ever see to finally get van Rooyen a shot from close range, but that balanced out the rugby pass they scored from in the opening quarter. Things were going better than I'd expected inside 50 but if Carlton doesn't have somebody else to stand in Weitering's spot they may have to rely on another miracle recovery just to make finals. When Pickett unloaded another goal from distance not long after it was almost time to pack the stars away. For some reason we didn't do this, and I can only imagine the CHAOS if anyone had been injured.</p><p>Midfield Salem may be a necessity due to the disappearance of Brayshaw, Harmes, Jordon (and temporarily Oliver), but the potential for great things was shown by the beautiful pass he put on for Billings' goal just after the restart. This seemed like the cue for Gawn to finally get the precautionary hook, and coincided with me pausing to drive home, then battling home internet suffering the biggest meltdown since Three Mile Island. When I complained to the kid she said "it must be Drugs o'clock", which makes no sense but proves we've reached the point where even nine-year-olds can take the piss.</p><p>By the time I got working vision back at something above Zero Definition, Gawn had returned. No earthly idea why. The internet died again, but fortunately Maximum survived. If Visy was still running Carlton, another cracking goal on the run from Windsor would have been the start of Recycling Time. they got a couple at the end to drag (NB: I first wrote that as 'drug', so even I'm doing it now) the margin back under 30. Which lasted about 30 seconds before Schache put them away again.</p><p>I'm not expecting anything beyond a top eight finish, but while these games mean stuff all you can tell the players weren't affected by minor off-field rumblings. Of course they'd be sad about Brayshaw, worried for Oliver, and probably burning their SIM card if Smith has been in touch, but once the ball is bounced we're far more vulnerable to an injury or confidence crisis. We've got six months for one/both of those to show up, see if you can guess the exact minute it'll happen. I'll be waiting in a secure bunker with canned food.</p><p>Hands up if you could understand why Gawn was still playing halfway through the last quarter. Tom Fullarton resumed in the VFL practice game earlier in the day, but even if 100% fit he's no Max. There was no need for risk, when it didn't matter a jot if the Blues reeled in a 40 point lead in 10 minutes. This was when we sent in Kynan Brown. If Ben is ever fit again and they're both picked at the same time a Send In The Browns headline would be good. Verrall and Tholstrup were also introduced for cameos, as we tried to turn a meaningless practice match into the Marvel Cinematic Universe.</p><p>Sparrow kicked a third, which was nice, as the game ended in excitement levels equivalent to the sixth period against Richmond that I never bothered to watch. I think we're still reasonably good, but are sitting on top of the wobbliest house of cards known to man, ready to be knocked over by the first strong breeze. Here's to surviving far enough into the season that everything turns back in our favour and we end the year elbow deep in the throats of our critics.</p><p><b>2024 Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance</b><br />5 - Max Gawn<br />4 - Tom Sparrow<br />3 - Christian Salem<br />2 - Kysaiah Pickett<br />1 - Christian Petracca</p><p><b>Final results</b><br />It's as ridiculous as ever to judge this off two games, but unless the National Panasonic Cup comes back what are you going to do? Under the circumstances I'm surprised this is the first tie since 2021, and sees Petracca go clear at the top of the Prymke leaderboard with four titles. Other joint winners are, inevitably, Gawn and Oliver. One thing they'll never take away from us is that this is the only award anywhere on the face of the planet previously won by Jesse Hogan, Jayden Hunt, Heritier Lumumba and Jackson Redvers Watts.</p><p>6 - Christian Petracca, Kysaiah Pickett<br />5 - Max Gawn<br />4 - Tom Sparrow<br />3 - Christian Salem, Jack Viney<br />2 - Kynan Brown<br />1 - Jake Bowey</p><p><b>Next Week</b><br />It's Round 1A (it is to me anyway) against Sydney on Thursday night. I'm not going to self-harm if we lose, but it would be nice to demonstrate that we're still alive in a high profile game. We know Pickett won't be there, Oliver is questionable, and if anyone's going to have the sad scenario of their debut coming in a nameless round it'll be Caleb Windsor. Otherwise, there shouldn't be any surprises on the agenda unless something NQR happens between now and then. I predict we'll pick the boring half-half option and make Oliver the sub, allowing him to sit around for three quarters listening to the most boring people in Australia shouting 'funnies' from over the fence. Then he'll have 17 touches in the last quarter, carry us to victory, then romp to the Brownlow. Or something.</p><p><b>Projected ladder</b><br />Nothing says yellow-streaked cowardice like picking the reigning Grand Final teams to finish top two. Doesn't mean they'll win the league but I can't see either plummeting to the death, unless the Pies finally run out of luck and start losing thrillers every week. Not sure if I've ever had a bigger bracket of potential finals teams, but everything points to a pre-September battle royale. Even the 10th - 13th selections have their charms, and now that I'm burying them this will probably be the year when Essendon finally turn up, probably to beat us in a final. </p><p>1. Brisbane<br />2. Collingwood<br />-------------------<br />3. GWS<br />4. Melbourne<br />5. Sydney<br />6. Adelaide<br />7. Gold Coast<br />8. Carlton<br />9. Geelong<br />-------------------<br />10. Richmond<br />11. Fremantle<br />12. Port Adelaide<br />13. Footscray<br />-------------------<br />14. St Kilda<br />15. Essendon<br />-------------------<br />16. North Melbourne<br />17. Hawthorn<br />18. West Coast</p><p><b>2024 betting markets</b><br />With thanks to our official gambling partner PovertyBet, lose your house on one or more of these fictional markets:</p><p><i><u>Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year</u></i><br /></p><p>$5 - Christian Petracca<br />$9 - Jack Viney<br />$10 - Clayton Oliver<br />$12 - Max Gawn, Christian Salem<br />$20 - Steven May, Tom Sparrow<br />$22 - Bayley Fritsch, Kysaiah Pickett, Trent Rivers<br />$25 - Jack Billings, Jake Lever, Judd McVee<br />$30 - Harrison Petty<br />$35 - Jake Bowey, Ed Langdon, Jacob van Rooyen<br />$40 - Caleb Windsor<br />$45 - Alex Neal-Bullen<br />$60 - Kade Chandler, Shane McAdam<br />$80 - Lachie Hunter, Tom McDonald<br />$100 - Kynan Brown, Charlie Spargo, Adam Tomlinson<br />$150 - Blake Howes, Josh Schache<br />$250 - Tom Fullarton, Marty Hore, Taj Woewodin<br />$300 - Jed Adams, Koltyn Tholstrup<br />$500 - Will Verrall<br />$1000 - Oliver Sestan, Matthew Jefferson<br />$3000 - Kyah Farris-White, Daniel Turner<br />$5000 - Jake Melksham<br />$10,000 - Angus Brayshaw (well, he might get a second opinion...)<br />$15,000 - Joel Smith (well, he might get a second sample...)</p><p><i><u>Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year</u></i><br />$8 - Steven May<br />$10 - Jake Lever, Judd McVee<br />$15 - Christian Salem, Trent Rivers<br />$20 - Jake Bowey<br />$40 - Harrison Petty, Adam Tomlinson<br />$50 - Marty Hore, Blake Howes<br />$80 - Tom McDonald<br />$120 - Jed Adams<br />$150 - Josh Schache<br />$500 - Daniel Turner<br />$10,000 - Joel Smith</p><p><i>Rising Star Award</i><br />Congratulations Taj Woewodin for landing right on the four game mark to remain eligible. Bad luck to Bailey Laurie, who just missed out.</p><p>$6 - Caleb Windsor<br />$12 - Kynan Brown<br />$15 - Taj Woewodin<br />$20 - Blake Howes<br />$22 - Jed Adams, Koltyn Tholstrup<br />$50 - Andy Moniz-Wakefield, Will Verrall<br />$75 - Matthew Jefferson, Oliver Sestan<br />$200 - Kyah Farris-White</p><p><i>Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year</i><br />$2 - Max Gawn<br />$10 - Tom Fullarton, Josh Schache<br />$20 - Will Verrall<br />$30 - Tom McDonald<br />$100 - Ben Brown<br />$150 - Kyah Farris-White</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />I'm a bit scared, but open to being amazed by a series of unexpected positive results. </p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-51107502787810607522024-02-19T19:50:00.004+11:002024-02-19T19:50:48.384+11:00Sims 24<p>When the first Demonblog post went up <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2005/02/day-zero.html" target="_blank">in 2005</a> you'd have got better odds on Melbourne winning a flag than me going into a 20th season but here we are. It's also been about that long since I was last this woefully underprepared for the new season. Probably since the inauspicious <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2005/02/enter-spaanderman.html" target="_blank">inaugural match review</a> when I accidentally missed seeing the first quarter. It's not that I wasn't interested in 2024, despite all our recent seasons ending in massive flakeouts, my brain just couldn't comprehend that it was time to go, even after realising that we had something approaching a game at the marquee time of 10am Sunday morning.</p><p>I'd like to blame my struggle to warm up for 2024 on the Donald Trump Appreciation Society being defending premiers, or our involvement in the absolute nonsense that is 'Opening Round', but it's probably just self-defence because I'm scared that we're going to spend another six months battling our guts out to make finals then blow it by playing as if drunk again. It'll be years until the flag anesthetic completely wears off, but you still can't help feeling like we're walking into an ambush this year. Between our questionable depth, injury concerns, and let's politely say 'off field issues', everyone's waiting for a big, face-first, comedy flop. I don't think that's going to happen, but at the same time wouldn't have five cents in Chinese money on us comfortably finishing top four. Can't lose two finals in a row if you don't get the double chance [insert picture of the guy who looks like Eddie Murphy tapping his head]. </p><p>Hopefully we reread this post at the end of the year and go "blimey, I didn't expect that to do happen", like in 2021 when the campaign of a lifetime started with an even more obscure 9.30 Friday morning game <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2021/02/the-carnival-is-back-in-town.html" target="_blank">against the Tiges</a>. At least we could watch that for free through the website, I had to reactivate my Kayo subscription before schedule to see the modern equivalent. Apparently they're cranking up their price soon, and you could see why when the long break 'entertainment' provided was an interminable segment of Ben Dixon and Andrew Gaze having a vom while eating sardines. Otherwise I think they've still got the rights to Slippery Stairs and the European Tram Driver Championship, so I'll look forward to that.</p><p>I'll be saying this in practice match posts until dropping dead, but it still feels crazy that we can even watch these games. It took long enough to get all the official pre-season games broadcast, and there are still a few from the early 2000s where nobody bothered to record all the goalkickers or quarter-by-quarter scores, but being able to watch really off-brand matches like this is relatively new. If you're past it like me and count <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2015/03/a-succulent-chinese-meal.html" target="_blank">2015</a> as new anyway.</p><p>Of course, this was not officially a 'game', but a 'match simulation'. Not sure what the difference is, unless it's an administrative scam to make sure people can't bet on it then dispute whether the result counts at the end of four quarters, or after the full seven period/episode/chukka extravaganza featuring fringe players, comeback stories and VFL players you'll never see again.</p><p>I'll take it that there's a good reason why they don't just play a proper four quarter senior practice match, then another four quarter 'reserve' match after. Nobody's going to riot if the curtain-closer is called off early due to lack of interest, but it would be a lot neater than this weird seven part series. Any credibility the game had went out the window when it was revealed that a Richmond player didn't have to turn up because his sister was getting married. They didn't even make him participate in this tepid kickaround for a couple of quarters first. Just "nah, this is bullshit anyway, don't bother coming".</p><p>The players who turned up took it seriously, but they were about the only ones. It didn't even get the real Fox Footy treatment. No stirring orchestral theme, a scoreboard that looked like it had been generated by the Sega Megadrive, and a pair of break-in-case-of-emergency commentators who opened coverage with a reminder that we'd gone out in straight sets last year. Which gender? Doesn't matter.</p><p>Somewhere, somebody was probably taking things <i>really </i>seriously, and they'd have been emotionally spent after what turned out to be a ludicrously up-and-down game that everyone would remember for years to come if it happened in the real stuff. But it didn't, so you can file it alongside other low-profile pre-season matches of the last decade like our <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2016/03/this-is-living.html" target="_blank">trip to Craigieburn</a>, <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2017/03/a-gentle-reminder.html" target="_blank">Spencil Does Subiaco</a> and somebody <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2019/02/one-win-down-27-to-go.html" target="_blank">tripping over the power cord</a>. </p><p>We've seen enough pre-seasons to know that they can give some clues to the future (e.g. Petracca going <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2020/02/what-could-possibly-go-wrong-from-here.html" target="_blank">nuts</a> against Adelaide), but ultimately there's little relevance to what will happen under normal conditions. They're arguably more interesting when your team is shit because you can squint and try to pretend there's light at the end of the tunnel. Now that we're a couple of years off our glorious peak and you can make a case for going backwards, this was more like watching through your fingers and hoping that none of the key players shattered their spine, or needlessly shirtfronted an opponent into another galaxy. I think we got away with it, and that's about as much as you could ask for.</p><p>As much as I'm desperately trying to play down the relevance of this game, the first possession was a thing of beauty. The Gawn years have taught me that centre bounce rucking is the least important thing a ruckman does, but his fancy backhanded tap to a charging Viney was a reminder that there's some things you can't recreate by just sticking any old player in there and hoping to win the ball when it hits the ground. The joy of seeing artisan ruckwork lasted about three seconds before our first forward entry of the season died in the hands of a defender who outmarked two forwards. Barring disaster we've still got Petty and McAdam to come in attack (+ McDonald and Brown if they ever walk again), but that was the earliest 'here we go' moment in history. </p><p>I've got a misguided confidence that we can find a way to put up decent scores this year, but you could have put Coleman, Carey and Lockett down there and they'd have walked off in disgust when the next forward entry saw Petracca scrub the most 10am Sunday kick of all time along the ground. That was a slight blip before he went back to being awesome, but it did make me wonder whether I really needed to be watching this live. But like a complete tool I did, for the first four bits anyway. Mystery players are my passion, but even I couldn't justify hanging around for parts 5-7 just to see Andy Moniz-Wakefield and Kyah Farris-White play the hyphenation derby. Was going to watch the rest later. Didn't.</p><p>So far, so 2023. Getting the ball inside 50 was one thing, putting it to the advantage of a forward was another. After JVR dropped what looked from the cheap seats like an easy one, it was time for the old 'everyone get out of the way and let a superstar do his work' when Petracca gathered in the pocket, did a fancy step, then snapped it. According to the on-screen scoreboard we were 6.1.7, which was interesting. By the time Fritsch got another soon after they'd consulted the laws of the game and put us back to 2.1.13.</p><p>The suspicion that we weren't supposed to be taking any of this seriously increased when Richmond fielded a player named after the band Steely Dan, who were named after a dildo. So he's got that going for him. It may have been the silliest name to appear at Casey Fields since Freddie Clutterbuck's famous MFC pre-season. </p><p>There wasn't anything new in Gawn/Viney combos, or goals from Petracca and Fritsch, so if you were looking for a new and exciting angle to concentrate on may I introduce you to Kynan Brown. Crazy name, crazy first goal. He gathered with the ball as hard as possible on the boundary line with his back turned, then kicked it off his left foot with chuff all space available. It was tremendous, and he did several nice things that made you think he might turn out to be one of our few father/son success stories. It shouldn't be hard to crack a top five that's currently Barassi, Viney, [THE DISTANCE FROM HERE TO THE SUN], Other, Other.</p><p>If you were somebody intent on taking this contest overly seriously, you'd probably have been thinking flag when we pelted straight from the middle for a fourth unanswered goal. Or if you prefer to gently drape the Veil of Negativity over your eyes, romp the regular season then explode in September like a Russian fighter jet. </p><p>This was all very good, and when a Brown HTB ended in Petracca hoofing his second you couldn't have had many complaints, but the house of cards nature of things was best demonstrated when we turned to Josh Schache as second ruckman. He's going to do as much as anyone else when Gawn's not available, but no matter who does it they've got to kick a few goals in the other 95% of the game or we may as well have just held Brodie Grundy hostage.</p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8QcbCXrhiKSryTHFjm3eTTGX4xb6ZL26jcP1prDiqsslvgSZSS3BcKeuzTj39Fh22sgWoEDDe0lFVkbCZfQbB37J7q7n1bkoNT-zGWLyelDt5RcmogMbkze4PX5hIgzz0q8UK4GtSGrg0U64pnU0DjakBPJ6E6fQu3M_YRCrTweogHgivu96X9vfk0I/s600/mysteryfruit.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="321" data-original-width="600" height="171" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM8QcbCXrhiKSryTHFjm3eTTGX4xb6ZL26jcP1prDiqsslvgSZSS3BcKeuzTj39Fh22sgWoEDDe0lFVkbCZfQbB37J7q7n1bkoNT-zGWLyelDt5RcmogMbkze4PX5hIgzz0q8UK4GtSGrg0U64pnU0DjakBPJ6E6fQu3M_YRCrTweogHgivu96X9vfk0I/s320/mysteryfruit.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><div>Because it's the pre-season I wasn't even worried about being five goals up. Normal people wouldn't comprehend that sentence, but I still need a lot of convincing that any decent lead is real and not the start of a slapstick comedy routine. </div><div><br /></div><div>Under normal circumstances I'd have been sweating up at the prospect of blowing that lead (or, you know, conceding the next 10 goals in a row) but under normal circumstances there wouldn't be somebody in the crowd dressed as an unhealthily green banana, roaming just behind signage for the local swim school.</div><div><br /></div><div>And that's where things temporarily went tits up. At this stage of the season, savagely ramming home the advantage isn't particuarly important, but I could have done without going to sleep at the end of the quarter/bit and letting in three. Nobody's at their best in February, <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiGwWYmQOFt1CcgbOHV6KlTyVl2GiRFBCtDNYVNGcx7yoIhpu0PCBMWt15if4dIuPuFvc_whVgt5L_-04Jlqbd3IvOE0Slik-bFJIFwBWigz4Rx9wfSXt6JnHxekdiawZE75ZPIbw-xMnA/h120/gamdeday.jpg" target="_blank">including the graphic designers</a>, but the backline looked excessively wobbly all day. I'm very much trying not to fall into the trap of thinking this means anything, but there was a little part of me that thought "we're not going to kick a score, we're going to concede heaps, oh dear god". It didn't last long.</div><div><br /></div><div>For once it wasn't blowing a force 10 gale at Casey, but the scoring action quickly resumed to the left of screen. Before long scores were level, and if this happened in May I'd clamber up an MCG light tower. On February 18 it had the same effect on me as a mid-winter Port Adelaide vs Gold Coast superclash. </div><div><br /></div><div>Conceding goals hand over #fistedforever was one thing, but things got a bit drastic when top draft pick and potential Round 1A (fuck 'Opening Round' in the ear. That will be referred to as Round 1A, the next game will be Round 1B, then we can stop doing American things) debutante Caleb Windsor briefly looked to have broken himself running in an opponent. Fortunately he returned later with no harm done. He was pretty good in senior company for the first time, and given that like 75% of our list Lachie Hunter is injured he'll probably play from the start. Explaining to the kids that you debuted in 'Opening Round' will be like the poor bastards who played 10 minutes as a sub in their first game. God knows what was happening on the opposite wing, where you could easily have missed that Langdon was playing. Might be time to go through the middle a bit more.</div><div><br /></div><div>Richmond's 10th unanswered goal came from May completely botched a simple mark inside 50. I don't blame him, the poor bastard probably still harbours resentment at playing one of the best key position defender finals you'll ever see against Carlton before being stitched up by everyone else. I'm not that worried, he strikes me as the sort of White Line Fever character that would struggle to get excited about a flimsy contest like this.</div><div><p>What level of rot there was finally ended with a Gawn set shot. Given the A4 paper depth of our ruck division it didn't fill me with joy that he already had massive bandaging around his lower leg. Never mind, there's always Tom Fullarton. Oh he's injured too. What's the Spencil doing these days?</p><p>We got another after the siren when Chandler clearly didn't mark in time but the umpire invoked the Fake Game rule and let him have the shot anyway. It dragged the margin back to 19, which was way better than the direction it was heading but still hardly indicative of what we're going to be seeing in Round 23, 24, 25 or however many rounds are in this bloody season now.</p><p>By now I knew I had better things to do. So did the coaches, who packed Gawn away for the rest of the game. It would have been a great time to have a look at the rest of our ruck division but we don't have one. Verrall played the rest of the game, but he's a longer-term project than high speed rail so we'll be in a drastic state if he's called on again.</p><p>The comeback rolled on with a Pickett goal after half time, before we gave it back x2. Novelty value went through the bloody roof when Lever kicked a goal but it was still unlikely that there'd be dancing in any streets if we overrun them to win. I was still happy for Brown to get his second goal straight from the next bounce, then Schache put us back in front, and for something that didn't even qualify as a real game this was an entertainingly off chops start to the year. Maybe I was just enjoying a Melbourne game where I didn't have to live and die on every kick, shortly before spending the next six months taking things way too seriously. </p><p>Our lead didn't last to the moral three quarter time, wiped out by a Richmond goal after the siren. And that was about where I really lost interest. Coincidentally this came just as Richmond ran away with it, including a homecoming goal to an ex-Casey player who wasn't even officially on Richmond's list yet. And from there Richmond merrily bolted away to win comfortably, despite Verrall becoming the most unusual pre-season goalscore sincer Trent Zomer.</p><p>I can't think many people were watching this to start with, but as viewing figures dropped to community TV levels the commentators got bored and started pretending that (relatively) high scores in a defence optional kickaround was going to translate to the regular season. This happens in the first couple of rounds every year before coaches realise that they love nothing more than squeezing the life out of the opposition and scoring floats back down to normal levels. If that's the sort of rubbish they were left with in the main game I'd hate to think how the last 90 minutes went.</p><p>And err... that's it. This doesn't bode well for my performance in 2024 but let's just pretend I'm a big game writer and see what happens when a big game turns up.</p><p><b>2024 Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance</b><br />5 - Christian Petracca<br />4 - Kysaiah Pickett<br />3 - Jack Viney<br />2 - Kynan Brown<br />1 - Jake Bowey</p><p><b>Next game</b><br />All our 2023 straight sets disasters come together when we play the team that knocked us out of the men's comp at the ground where we were knocked out of the women's comp. All it needs is for some Collingwood buffoon to shirtfront Angus Brayshaw while he's lining up for a hotdog and we'll have the full shithouse. I'll be taking the result of this one a little bit more seriously but still not reaching for razorblades if it goes tits up.</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />Get on with the real stuff.</p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-13031699982612197632023-11-21T10:28:00.001+11:002023-11-21T10:29:45.076+11:00Going down in flames<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqidpwsZ3g7xtkgiBdXt3p_eKR_zkfYh2tKOeP5zCH5LYvzrZrAyuXSc1u0lIU04sOAuebq6YKoDK3QWcYkeZfuNUEabl-yNZiJhb1TzdfTat7v4_pakKELWPku8yK8kocIJwDQrLw6NjzQMdcYal5Yu8SlWXeS3F5shqwpJl33_QROYD2jR0oA6Xn2ME/s404/Simulator.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="404" data-original-width="400" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhqidpwsZ3g7xtkgiBdXt3p_eKR_zkfYh2tKOeP5zCH5LYvzrZrAyuXSc1u0lIU04sOAuebq6YKoDK3QWcYkeZfuNUEabl-yNZiJhb1TzdfTat7v4_pakKELWPku8yK8kocIJwDQrLw6NjzQMdcYal5Yu8SlWXeS3F5shqwpJl33_QROYD2jR0oA6Xn2ME/s320/Simulator.jpg" width="317" /></a></div>Back when Twitter still had some life about it people were always demanding that you "name a more iconic duo". Turns out the correct answer is 'Melbourne premiership defence' and 'straight sets finals disaster'.<div><br /></div><div>Last week suggested an uphill struggle to go back-to-back, but I thought we'd do the obvious thing and stretch things out for another week before being dismissed. Instead, the wheels came off with such force that they bounced up Royal Parade, onto Sydney Road, and are currently on the Hume Highway somewhere near Albury. </div><div><br /></div><div>There will be no chance to avenge our loss to Brisbane, no Preliminary Final, and no chance of a Grand Final in Victoria, because we've ended the season with downhill skiing records never to be beaten. We've got the option of playing the Chris Scott 2021-style illness card after late-season COVID anarchy, but as Alan Partridge <a href="https://partridge.cloud/scene/?frame=S02E01-BKB1LbHU" target="_blank">said</a>, "knock it off with the fancy words. It went tits up".</div><div><br /></div><div>For all the sooking about us retaining players when expansion clubs were granted shoplifting rights at the end of last season, don't say we're not interested in equalisation. After Adelaide pounded Sydney on Saturday night, AFLW was one game away from being confirmed as a four team comp with the other 14 making up numbers. Now we've provided the "look, anything can happen" example by going out to a sixth-placed side that we'd thrashed two months earlier. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's a lovely feelgood story - until the Cats are held to nil by Brisbane in the Prelim - but it's giving me 'consuming water in a third world country' level shits. Pound-for-pound I'm more upset about this than our <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2023/09/down-two-then-left.html" target="_blank">last</a> Semi Final Fiasco. All those years thinking the men would never win anything beyond AFLX makes 2021 an emotional support flag that will take years to lose impact. On the other hand, the women have been somewhere in the mix for eight seasons straight so it's tormenting me that we got so far behind AND still nearly took it to extra time (or better) when starting hot favourites.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you'd offered me premierships in both grades in exchange for an endless string of finals defeats I'd have done a tendon signing up, but as we won the flags without (as far as I'm aware) the help of Faustian pacts there's no reason to be losing games in Victoria hand over #fistedforever so I reserve the right to be gloomy about it for months.</div><div><br /></div><div>You can't say we'd have played the same way/kicked the same score if the margin had only been three goals at the last change, but based on evidence from the rest of the season it's not difficult to imagine us finishing all over them. It's just the bit about trying to pull off the biggest three-quarter time comeback in the competition's history that got us. The death-or-glory recovery deserves credit, but it doesn't mean anything if you don't finish the job. We got what we deserved for the three quarters before, which completed a run of the nine worst our W side has ever played.</div><div><p>Much like North, apparently the Cats just needed a second look at us to get things right but let's remember the best bits of 2023. Like when we were tonking lowly sides with such ease that the coach let somebody else take over for a night (the club is <a href="https://twitter.com/MelbourneAFLW/status/1726027509442167202" target="_blank">pretending it didn't count</a> but until I get advice to the contrary on MFC letterhead, Demonwiki is counting Shae Sloane as being in charge against Hawthorn), and I foolishly pondered whether this team could score a better points-per-game average than the men. That went out the door when the good teams turned up, but I still had faith that we could repeat right until last week, when the forward line disappeared into a massive sinkhole. </p><p>When you look at how foundation clubs like Carlton and Footscray are going, it's a mark of quality that this is our first ever three game losing streak. Regular readers will know this all coincides with my AFLW membership purchase, which is reaching 'Austro-Hungarian Empire in World War I' levels of joining backfire. I don't know what was supposed to be in the membership packs, but they still had plenty of the bag/water bottle combo to shift, because when I asked the staff member outside the ground if it was too late to collect mine she reached into one of several boxes and handed it over without even checking if I was really paid up. Shame, they might have seen the red flag next to my name and saved me from watching us drop another steaming turd in the middle of Princes Park.</p><p>Somebody's going to complain that we'd have won this at Casey, and you never know what weird things will happen there but if we weren't good enough to beat Geelong at Princes Park then forget the venues and concentrate on the bigger picture. Besides, for the good of the competition you can't play finals in Cranbourne. I'm sure Cats fans appreciate the irony of a team playing finals at a premium venue instead of an undersized ground about 100km from the Melbourne CBD.</p><p>It didn't need to turn out this badly. The woe of being held to one goal last week was nearly removed by fanging straight out of the middle and landing a pass with Hore after 20 seconds. She was too far out, but it was a nice reminder that we could find forward targets instead of booting the ball straight to defenders. We then switched to the innovative tactic of playing with zero forwards, and spent much of the first quarter down the other end, unable to escape and feeding them repeat entries until they couldn't help but take advantage.</p><p>For now we kept the ball down there for a bit, which was an improvement, but with absolutely not a cracker of crumb to be had you had no faith that somebody was going to pluck a goal from nowhere. Then we blundered around with some dreadful turnovers and next thing you know Geelong had the opener. This summarises the first three quarters - them converting from everywhere while we struggled to create any chances in the first place. </p><p>I'm sure Casey Sherriff is appropriately sad for her teammates, but for the purpose of contract negotiation she must be secretly chuffed at how bad the forward line has looked since her injury. She may have only kicked 4.7 in 10 games but can now claim 'underappreciated role' status. My problem is that on the surface it doesn't look like we tried to replace her (and yes, the obvious question is "with what?" but fark me somebody's got to be paid to think about plans B, C and beyond), and it led to Bannan's influence being nuked. Between Hore's goal against the Lions and Zanker trying to win it single-handedly on Sunday, we haven't had a more awkward-looking forward line in years. And even then, a lot of the time low scoring games saved us.</p><p>The Cats were into the same Big Book Of Beating Melbourne as North, leaving no space for artisan rebound football. Instead we kicked straight at packs, and in many cases directly to their players with none of ours in the ara. Even when we did get the ball in the middle our players would look up to see nobody ahead and just madly boot it forward in hope of a miracle. There was no damaging ball movement until the last term when it was too late. I was sour on West by the end of the season but credit to her for not only being the best ball-winner but leading the disposal efficiency. However, when most them are close-range handballs to somebody about to be tackled what's the overall benefit?</p><p>We're were reduced to defending a siege, with Geelong doing us a solid by dropping a couple of marks inside 50. They seemed to pull down all the ones we booted straight towards them, including Gay having unpleasant flashbacks to playing for Carlton and turning over multiple exit kicks. Not that there were any good targets to aim at but any contest would have been better than a Geelong player 60 metres from goal. Everything was on their terms, and I'd have been sweating up like a doped racehorse if not for the memories of running all over the top of them in our last meeting. I sat there gritting my teeth and thinking things might still turn out ok if we didn't do something stupid like, or I don't know, going five goals behind.</p><p>Eventually, we gave them so many chances that they got a second. It was just the sort of goal from nowhere that we haven't gone near kicking in this final series. We'll get into snap, uneducated, and possibly dangerous suggestions about drafting and recruiting later in the post but for the love of all that is holy please find me a forward who can turn a loose ball inside 50 into a goal. </p><p>I'd have been sweating up like a drugged racehorse if not for the memories of finishing over the top of them in the last meeting. People who hhate Melbourne (and admittedly I would have been pissing myself laughing watching as a neutral), this was the modern equivalent of "who would have thought the sequel would be just as good as the original". Against North we got the ball forward but were wrecked by their defenders, this time the only player with any sort of aerial presence was Gillard, who was a) on the last line of defence, and b) trying to break the world record for spoils.</p><p>The forwards were basically fictional characters by this point. Not much point having the league's top two goalscorers, a player renowned for running into open goals, and one who is probably the best contested mark in the competition on her day if they're never down there. We weren't going to kick goals from 80 metres out like Malcolm Blight, and with a 0.0% chance of crumb it was back to hit and hope in the off-chance that Geelong might do something stupid and let us get a steadier. But by now we'd lost the chance to stamp authority and they were having a wonderful time. </p><p>You will recall, now that we need to pretend this isn't as embarrassing a loss as it seems, that the first time around they had us on the rack in the opening minutes before we goalled from a ludicrous free, then followed that with another straight from of the middle. You can't get silly frees in the forward line if the ball is never down there, and when Geelong had a Goal of the Year contender hit the post via wild ping from the pocket this was in danger of turning to shit even quicker than last week.</p><p>In the dying seconds we just got forward quick enough for Zanker to mark and miss from an obscure angle, but tellingly the ball movement was assisted by a free. Otherwise we'd never have strung together enough possessions without turning the ball over. </p><p>I'm baffled as to how things got so bad for us in attack. Harris has not had a good season but I didn't like the idea of dropping Campbell and not picking a proper second ruck. Harris was backup ruck in a flag last year, but this was the point where we really could have done with somebody crashing packs and taking big grabs inside 50. When she finally got on one well within range later in the game she did a ridiculous pass to somebody in a worse position so who knows what the hell was going on. We should have sent her back into the ring mid-season to get the bloodlust going.</p><p>A 14 point margin at quarter time wasn't ideal but somehow it could have been worse. Still, we had three quarters to get things right and overrun them right? Apparently not. The added novelty value was Geelong fielding four of our exes, and it worked much better than when Port Adelaide tried a Barry/Toumpas/Trengove/Watts led-recovery. Everyone remembers Shelley Scott, and most will recall Chantel Emonson and Jackie Parry, but you'd do well to recall the four game career of Erin Hoare. She's one of only two players to have a career Daisy Pearce Medal tally of one, scored on debut in <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2018/02/trial-by-video.html" target="_blank">Round 1, 2018</a>. And now, despite not having a kick all day she's in a Prelim and we're not. Parry was a forward who didn't kick a goal in her last 13 games for us, so who else would you want to open the second term with a goal?</p><p>We were in deep shit now, and even a good side had to be doubting themselves at a time like this. The ideal scenario was to do a men's Prelim Brisbane and come back to stamp out the underdog, but we kept going backwards at speed. When they got another goal almost straight after I was ready to discuss surrender terms with the captain who sounds like a Miami Vice character, the ex-MFC contingent, and that midfielder who used to carry Kevin Keegan's 1980s hair. </p><p>After her rocky first quarter, Gay randomly ended the half as a hero by pulling down a tumbling kick in the dying seconds. The way things had gone I expected it to fling off the boot at right angles and kill a boundary umpire, but she converted after the siren and the comeback was ever so slightly on. The problem was wasting several minutes forward after the break without another goal, then conceding. By the time one of their players was allowed an eternity to run after a loose ball like Rocky chasing the chicken, then tap it through after a few half-hearted 'tackle' attempts we were absolutely rooted.</p><p>With the first choice forward options exhausted, our last desperate move was putting Lauren Pearce down there. Now, she's a great ruck and can take a mark but may be the least reliable set shot in Australia. We were stuck one one goal approaching three quarter time, so when she took a much-needed grab inside 50 it would have been an excellent time to rise above the ruck goakicking curse a'la Gawn 2021. We achieved full 'escaping a burning building' panic mode when Harris marked well within her traditional range on not too bad an angle and passed to Gay 50 metres out. </p><p>At one point our 22 point recovery against Brisbane in the 2022 summer season was the <a href="https://twitter.com/sirswampthing/status/1495697675228151813" target="_blank">greatest of all</a>. Not sure if that's been topped since but if anybody's come back from 23 points or more they surely haven't wound in a five goal last quarter deficit. It felt stupid to stay, but I thought if I sat through Geelong beating us by 186 I could pay my respects to the death of our premiership defence in person. Last week fans voted to hear <i>Zombie</i> by the Cranberries at three-quarter time, and in the absence of any songs about violent civil disorder they should have played the theme from <i>Poseidon Adventure</i>.</p><p>We started the last quarter with Gillard in the ruck, which felt more like "let's see if we discover something for the future" than a tactic that might get us back into it but blow me down we went straight out of the middle for a goal. After mocking Pearce's goalkicking she pulled down a great mark, then did the sensible thing and dished it to a passing Hanks to finish. "Bit late for this" I thought, until Zanker whomped through a pair of set shots to cut the gap to 18 and our chances of winning were nudging just ahead of 'peace in the Middle East'.</p><p>It still needed three goals, but for the first time all day we were on top and finding space in attack. So the obvious turn of events was for Geelong to take a fortuitous mark in the square that seemingly ended it all again. In the end, it did, but not without a tremendous scare. After losing a few more minutes attacking as if drunk, we got the ball to Zanker for her third, and a minute later Mackin II was kicking a goal on the run to make the margin an even six points with a couple of minutes left.</p><p>I'd been reduced to watching the clock tick down on the AFL app, wondering how much of a lag there is between it and the real time remaining. Extra time would have done me nicely, not just for the novelty value of being there for the first time it's ever happened in a Melbourne game, and my life flashed before my eyes when Pearce grabbed the ball out of a ruck contest and ripped a snap that looked like it might go through - from my vantage point - for a millisecond. </p><p>If my failing memory serves me correctly they had eight seconds to navigate and just got away with it. The ball was flying back towards our goal at the siren, but even though Gillard optimistically tried to claim a mark well after the siren I think she was helped by the defenders breaking off into celebration when they realised it was over. If we'd won it would have toppled coming from a shitload down <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+14+2003" target="_blank">in 2003</a> as my finest Princes Park moment, but instead I went home flat as a tack. Lucky the train across Royal Park got dismantled about 70 years ago or I'd have considered making contact with overhead wires.</p><p>Last time we ended a season this early it was at the hands of COVID-19, but at least that came after a win. So it's been a bit of a shambles, but let's agree that the pieces are there and just need to be arranged into a format that stands up all season against everyone. I appreciate the good times we had, but like watching the men all next year and thinking "yeah, but what are they going to do in the finals", I'm not going to be able to truly enjoy winning regular season AFLW games by any margin until we start winning finals again.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Eliza West<br />4 - Lauren Pearce<br />3 - Eden Zanker<br />2 - Tyla Hanks<br />1 - Sinead Goldrick<br /><br />Apologies to Purcell, B. Mackin and Paxman</p><p><b>Final results</b><br />How many years have I been doing this and only just realised you can't have a 'final leaderboard'. That's what I call post-straight sets clarity. Anyway, as there are now zero votes on offer may we offer a hearty congratulations to Tyla Hanks on her victory. After sharing the title with Olivia Purcell last year, this is her first outright victory. Paxy remains the boss, with five career titles.</p><p>No alterations in the minors, with Pearce winning her umpteenth consecutive ruck count, and Tahlia Gillard just holding off a last minute contest from Goldrick to take the award for defenders. No score in the Rising Star, so Aimee Mackin and Georgia Campbell can argue it amongst themselves but we'll be showing 'No qualified players' on the all-time leaderboard. The carryover mark for AFLW is three games, so Georgia Gall will be the only existing player to start next year eligible for the title.</p><p>34 - Tyla Hanks<br />29 - Kate Hore<br />15 - Lauren Pearce (WINNER: Ruck of the Year), Olivia Purcell<br />14 - Eden Zanker<br />11 - Blathin Mackin, Shelley Heath, Eliza West,<br />9 - Tahlia Gillard (WINNER: Defender of the Year)<br />8 - Sinead Goldrick<br />6 - Tayla Harris, Paxy Paxman<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan<br />3 - Sarah Lampard<br />2 - Lily Mithen<br />1 - Libby Birch</p><p><b>Goal of the Week</b><br />It would have been Pearce if that snap went through, but under the circumstances I'm going with Aimee Mackin's ice-cold finish in tense circumstances. Nobody would have blamed her for missing it - god knows the players who have grown up playing the game probably would have - but she gave us hope of pulling off the most ludicrous of all comebacks. Doesn't influence the overall result, so congratulations to the captain for holding on to win.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Tyla Hanks (Q3) vs North Melbourne</p><p><b>Next year<br /></b>Time to throw the baby out with the bathwater and try to change everything. Firstly, if the same conditions are there that almost had Paxy doing a post-flag runner to Perth for this season I wouldn't be surprised if it was on the cards again. If we can do the right thing for a legendary player and start to plan for the future at the same time it might work out for everyone. Otherwise the only first-choice players over 30 are Goldrick and Pearce, and they're not going anywhere so any other improvements are going to come via draft or trade.</p><p>From the risky suggestions department, are we sure Tayla Harris is a going concern? For all the free-scoring mayhem this year she kicked three goals and barely went near it in games that counted. I don't know if there's an injury problem, and don't doubt she can still play very good games but if you're all in on Zanker and Bannan for the future it might be a chance to improve elsewhere. Double on this if they like Gall and want her to play more senior games next year.</p><p>I'm assuming Watt retires, and without knowing contract statuses I'd suggest the majority of Fowler, Ivey, Johnson, Taylor, and Wilson will get the chop now that the real national draft is back. There's 'depth' and there's depth, so now that topping up with experienced players hasn't helped it's time to put some kids on the list and hope for the best. We're never going to have things as good as they've been over the first couple of 18 team seasons, but the pieces are definitely there to have another crack if we can fill in some of the gaps.</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />I'm happy to take the piss out of us for losing finals left, right, and centre. Opposition fans can join in after submitting written acknowledgment of how good it was that we won a pair of flags first. Now I'm taking a long break from anything footy-related beyond trawling old newspapers for <a href="http://demonwiki.org" target="_blank">Demonwiki</a>. See you in 2024 for M, W, and probably WTF.</p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-42981459867597588432023-11-13T19:11:00.001+11:002023-11-13T19:11:58.347+11:00What a time to stop being alive<p>Just when you'd started to recover from the horrors of September, our worst finals performance of 2023 turns up out nowhere. This time we didn't kick ourselves out of a game, or lose in the dying seconds due to collective insanity, it was just a siren-to-siren munting by better prepared, significantly more up for it opposition. And in the week where they put all the names of members <a href="https://twitter.com/MelbourneAFLW/status/1723534353744183791" target="_blank">on a banner</a> I'd like to apologise that we're now 0-2 since I joined.</p><p>Speaking of memberships, my kid won't care but I still haven't admitted to trading her membership for my cursed AFLW one. Junior was surprisingly keen to attend so I thought mentioning it would unnecessarily risk controversy. As far as a first final went it didn't give offer the same sort of inspiration that I got <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Elimination+Final+1989" target="_blank">in 1989</a>. In fact, after five minutes interest was lost to the point where the rest of the game was spent reading me facts from a Taylor Swift magazine and occasionally looking up to ask semi-relevant questions like "have we kicked a goal yet?" My response went from chuckling at the mad idea that we wouldn't get one, to nearly chucking shit as full time neared with us on 0.not much.</p><p>On the occasion of my second AFLW final I'm glad to see that it's traditional to make players stand arm-in-arm waiting for them to turn the top 40 tunes off. Last time it was the last song Madonna did before disappearing, this time I've got NFI what they were playing but just when you thought they were finally getting on with things somebody hit the wrong button and started playing <i>Enter Sandman </i>again. No wonder when the anthem started with an unusually zingy orchestral flourish I thought they'd accidentally played Austria.mp3.</p><p>Turns out it would have been better for us if they'd just played the radio for four quarters and decided the result via Rock, Paper, Scissors, because what followed made the shambolic pre-game events look like The Beatles at Shea Stadium. When you win 80% of the time the rest is going to come as a shock, but this was arguably our worst performance in W history. The last round of 2019 ended in a <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Melbourne+FC+Women" target="_blank">bigger loss</a>, but we still hadn't played a final at that point. Now we've gone Prelim/Grand Final/Flag/top two, then into abject disarray against a side that was trampled a few weeks ago.</p><p>North are well-known for losing to the teams above them, but they're not the fourth pillar of The Good Teams for nothing. This might have been their finest moment, treating everything we did in the spirit of playing a mid-card mediocrity. The sad thing is that we didn't play badly for much of the game, it's just that the forward line suffered an Optus-style outage at Optus Oval, and after picking off our attacks with the greatest of ease North caught us out by flinging the ball back the other way at warp speed. If we'd converted anything in the first three quarters then maybe the conditions weren't there to be tormented on the counter.</p><p>If people went troppo over women's selection like they do the other stuff, then Eliza West getting the hook would have been controversial. I can see where they were coming from though, she gets a lot of it but is involved in more butchery than all the <i>Nightmare On Elm Street</i> movies combined. Maybe if she was involved it would have pissed about with the space-time continuum and we'd have won by lots but I don't see how 95% accumulation, 5% finesse would have helped on a day where the opposition had clearly done the same 'where will all the aimless kicks land?' studies as Brisbane.</p><p>My enjoyment of the first quarter wasn't helped by sitting at ground level. I don't care that this is how people did it for 150 years, it gives me the shits. We'd started in the stands before being driven out by a speaker that blasted everything at 350% volume like a jumbo jet taking off directly overhead. The ball coming straight towards us from the first bounce was a good sign, but North escaping without going close to conceding a score was not. Then when the ball got pinned at their end we couldn't extract it, eventually leading to an out of the arse snap into the wind. This kicked off a day where they kicked goals from every angle while we committed arson on forward entries and murder on set shots.</p><p>Like last week all over again we couldn't escape their pressure, leading to desperate kicks forward that usually landed with the opposition. They kept missing shots, including one politely from almost directly in front, but we couldn't do anything but thump the ball as far away from goal as possible and hope it didn't come back. But it did. What we needed was a repeat of the first game when they gave away a stupid 50 to get us going.</p><p>We'd come from behind against North once this year so even though we were wading knee-deep through quicksand it was only just over a goal the difference so the towel wasn't poised for throwing in yet. When Hanks won a holding the ball free near enough to <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EJqjE8dWbUk&ab_channel=vgolfoz" target="_blank">right in front of me</a> (related: that clip is probably approaching succulent Chinese meal levels of not needing the link) I thought a) this will get us going, and b) god I hope we get some kind of score for the quarter. It was a point, and a goal probably wouldn't have saved us, but from my perspective as good as level to the goalline bullshit it didn't fully cross the line before being touched. There was added confusion when the umpire signalled that it hit the post, but I watched this bit of the replay just to see if we got on camera (answer: no) and it bounced off the player into the opposite post. So if it was already touched before fully crossing the line then what does it matter if the post was involved?</p><p>Under the circumstances, it's a miracle that we got to quarter time just nine points down. This wasn't much more than their lead in the last meeting before we held North to two behinds for the rest of the game. So in two meetings this year they've gone goalless Q2-Q4 and we've done it Q1-Q3, so stand by for another pearler if we somehow get another crack at them in the Grand Final.</p><p>At this point, it was back to the stands, not just because of the reduced visibility but also somebody in front who was keen to talk to anyone. Not to mention an old man immediately to the right who had clearly only turned up because it was a final and was on the verge of sooking about the quality of the game as if he'd expected it to be North 1996 vs Melbourne 1964. I'm not defending the entertainment value of the first quarter (and the next three from our perspective), but once you've arrived at the ground carrying on about the standard is like going to the wrestling and carrying on about it being rigged.</p><p>The second term is what killed us, holding them to a handful of inside 50s but conceding the only goal and not scoring a cracker. Purcell turning a set shot into North nearly kicking a goal via yet another botched attempt at finding a forward target said everything you needed to know. I'm pinning all the blame on our forward entries. The defence might have crumbled under siege, but we had enough chances to get back into it. Even then it was only 15 points at the break, so if you were still a believer in us out-running teams then there was hope of making it interesting.</p><p>As much as I hated Harris starting the second half in the ruck and playing Pearce forward, it almost paid off when LP pulled down a mark right in front of goal after a minute. I haven't gotten over her missing from the top of the square against Adelaide last year and thought "this could go anywhere" shortly before it went anywhere but through the middle. So basically we gave up a ruck who can pick up contested possessions in the middle, and a forward who might be well down on her best this year but can take marks and kick goals.</p><p>That's when it got a bit perverse, with North kicking three quick goals to blow the margin out from 'unlikely' to 'bloody impossible'. It was approaching unmitigated fiasco territory midway through the last quarter when Hore finally pulled down a mark (or was it a free? I was losing the will to live by this point) directly in front, not far out and put it into the post. I'd have started flicking through the record books for the all-time lowest MFC scores if my kid hadn't captured the phone to play lo-fi games that would have looked shit on the Sega Master System. </p><p>Fortunately North saved this team from being the first to go goalless since the <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+4+1956" target="_blank">1956 Thirds</a> by going into self-preservation mode long enough for Bannan to belatedly turn up. The way things were going I expected it to somehow end in us conceding at the other end but she converted, jumping us ahead of our previous <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2019+AFLW+Round+7" target="_blank">lowest AFLW score</a>. Her traditional frenzied post-goal celebration seemed a bit odd under the circumstances but I suppose when you've got the music in you etc... etc...</p><p>I'm not going to hold it against the North fans for going off their nut at the end, especially when heaps more of them turned up, but the guy doing on his feet whinging about the umpiring deep in the last quarter of a record-breaking thrashing could wind the siege mentality in a bit. </p><p>All in all, it was one of the filthiest performances you'll ever see. I think there's a way back but not sure how far it will go before turning into a sheer drop from a cliff.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Kate Hore<br />4 - Tyla Hanks<br />3 - Olivia Purcell<br />2 - Shelley Heath<br />1 - Sinead Goldrick</p><p>Apologies to Gay, McNamara and Paxman - just because the field in front of them was so thin.</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br />Hopefully there's still 15 votes in this, but even if that's the case it will only prolong the Hanks vs Hore battle because everyone else is now officially stuffed. The captain reduced the gap by one, leaving the field open for any combination of final result between them. No change in the minors, with Goldrick narrowly eating into Gillard's lead, and nothing close to votes for A. Mackin or Campbell that would save the Rising Star. </p><p>32 - Tyla Hanks<br />28 - Kate Hore<br />--- Done for ---<br />13 - Olivia Purcell<br />11 - Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Ruck of the Year), Shelley Heath, Eden Zanker<br />9 - Tahlia Gillard (LEADER: Defender of the Year)<br />7 - Sinead Goldrick<br />6 - Tayla Harris, Paxy Paxman, Eliza West<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan,<br />3 - Sarah Lampard<br />2 - Lily Mithen<br />1 - Libby Birch</p><p><b>Goal of the Week</b><br />Get stuffed</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Tyla Hanks (Q3) vs North Melbourne</p><p><b>Next Week<br /></b>No need to burn the place down yet, this may have been one of the great debacles but unless we regroup going out in straight sets could top it. Due to Channel 7's women's cricket commitments, there's no Friday game again, as if they don't have multiple other channels to put a footy game on. Great news for fans of <i>Pie In The Sky</i>, which couldn't be blown out of its timeslot on 7Two with explosives for something like an AFL final. </p><p>To be fair a Friday game could only have been Adelaide vs Sydney, so an ancient repeat <a href="https://www.yourtv.com.au/program/pie-in-the-sky/107465/" target="_blank">featuring Dr. Meinheimer</a> from <i>Naked Gun</i> will probably rate better here. But that means they occupy Saturday night, and we're back to squinting in the sun at Princes Park from 3.05pm Sunday. And after waiting for years to play Geelong, it's a second game against them this year. Last time we withstood early stress to grind them into dust by the last quarter, but after this week it feels like if we're ever going to lose a final to a team outside the top four this could be it. Surely not, but the coaches will be up all night trying to find ways to look dangerous again.</p><p>The problem is that this is nearly our best side. Sherriff's mystery fracture has ended her year, and Lampard isn't going to be ready so what can you do except trust the survivors? I'm sure West will come back, and I'd prefer Wilson over Ivey, but otherwise for players who have appeared once this year you're down to Watt, Gall and Colvin - none of who are going to help if Geelong has reviewed the same tape of our forward entries. If they didn't have enough faith in Campbell to play her for a full game I suppose you could bring Watt back and park Harris inside 50 to try and create some sort of contest. Otherwise we're just going to have to hope that the players haven't entered a misery spiral and can secure a ticket in the Prelim lottery. Then it's back to Springfield and here's hoping for a better result than last time.</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />We've nearly achieved a modified version of the <a href="https://www.reddit.com/r/AFL/comments/cofuqi/fitzroys_final_banner_how_would_this_go_down_in/" target="_blank">famous 1996 Fitzroy banner</a>. This time it's 'Broken by Brisbane, F'ed by North', and you can sit back and wait to see how the AFL completes the trifecta. </p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-81543831897076799222023-11-06T14:45:00.002+11:002023-11-06T14:45:18.212+11:00Red and Blue Alert<p>If it all goes tits up this year you can blame me for signing up as an AFLW member right before finals. When my daughter's renewal notice for the M arrived I realised that she wouldn't even notice if the money was redirected into causes under my name, then we almost immediately lost top spot and automatic Grand Final hosting rights. Sorry about that.</p><p>Losing our return trip to Premiership Alley wasn't the ideal way to end the home and away season, but as there's only four decent teams the season is probably just as likely to end in flag as it was last week. The good news is that we didn't also lose the McClelland Million, with St Kilda doing us a favour for the first time since not drafting Petracca and unexpectedly beating the Lions last week. After dropping to 1-2 against the other contenders there may be a few alpine activity-related accusations flying around, but while defeat may have cost us top spot it didn't make the coveted cash disintegrate like some bullshit cryptocurrency scam. </p><p>Speaking of the white stuff, you can fret that this time might turn out to be downhill skiers but at least they're not engaging in Eric Clapton's '<a href="https://www.facebook.com/eric.clapton.historybook/posts/2048556315318087/" target="_blank">no snow, no show</a>' philosophy. I'm so far outside the target market for Pride Round that all I can do is offer a supportive thumbs up and genuinely wish everybody well, but if there was ever a year to celebrate other reasons to be proud they should have done half-half jumpers showing a negative drug test. </p><p>Given that AFLW players are getting an average of $60,000 this year they're probably looking at the shenanigans on the other side and thinking "<a href="https://twitter.com/allan_cheapshot/status/1546199561718358016" target="_blank">Drugs? We can't even afford food</a>", so it's ironic that they played this as if under heavy sedation against opposition frothing to rip them apart like an outlaw motorcycle gang on bathtub speed.</p><p>In the end, as long as the trifecta of injury scares are resolved in the positive, does it really matter? Sure if we want to host the Grand Final, Adelaide needs to do their part of the Finals Bradbury Plan but we've got to get there first. Winning here would have made that easier, offering the closest thing to a Qualifying Final bye against Gold Coast. But even if we got through week one the easy way, we'd likely still have needed to beat one of the big hitters in a Prelim. I'll take the two guaranteed home finals and am happy to slay the dragon at *checks list of eligible SA venues* Norwood Oval if required.</p><p>Regardless of how much there was to play for, team selection still left me suspicious that we were comfortable gently gliding to the end of the season. I was all for Rhi Watt's record-setting debut in a throwaway game against dreck, but the logic of ditching Campbell here escapes me. She's still developing but has shown a bit this year, so pissfarting around with the ruck division a week from finals felt suss. Anything could be happening behind the scenes, but this + introducing Ivey for the first time since Round 3 last year was strange. All the best for her making a fairytale run to the flag but in a short season with no pre-finals bye I'd think you'd want pre-finals stability.</p><p>Just when you thought the drama was over, unexplained hamstring phenomena took Paxman out rogue canine style during the warm-up. Even at the tail end of a great career Paxy would be hard to replace at short notice, but the emergency reintroduction of green as grass tall forward Georgia Gall didn't do much for our structure. Maybe they knew we'd be bombing kicks towards defenders all night and thought she could help bring the ball to ground. Either that or the other emergencies had ducked over the road for a milkshake and couldn't be found.</p><p>In the same way we should never be allowed to lose at Perth Stadium again, it would have been nice to go unbeaten at Springfield forever, but Brisbane were so up for the contest that we might not have handled them with a full side. Craig Starcevich's old school motivational technique of showing players highlights of them losing the Grand Final. It obviously worked, but I hope old mate who was falsely awarded Tahlia Gillard's BOG medal realised how lucky she was that key defenders are constitutionally banned from winning AFL awards.</p><p>It's a shame we can't play the Lions again next week, because the niggle value of this game was so high that there's no way they'd have been able to recapture enough steam to do it again. They've got the coveted Round 10 Cup, and their players carried on like Footscray fans after beating us in 2022, as if one mid-season win erased the stain of playing the worst hour in the history of Grand Finals. If Brisbane go on to win the real thing I'll recognise that this was the start of something big, for now I'd like to read from the Book of Malthouse and say it was their Grand Final.</p><p>Just seeing a Melbourne side play at this ground gave me fond memories of the day we won the version. It doesn't look like much has changed since our original visit other than the locals kicking a competitive score. Seems like the brick wall of death in the right of screen forward pocket has almost entirely been covered up. Last year there were handy gaps at either end so you could slide across a wet ground and into a career-ending injury. Otherwise, it still looks a lot like Casey Fields North but with bonus Kardinia Park style train noises.</p><p>Now that you know the result, the opening minutes perfectly explained what was going to happen. We've had games that got better after a ropey start - including our other appearance at this venue - but Brisbane had us on the back foot from the first bounce. They were so dominant in the first quarter that we deserve some credit for recovering to get in front, except for the bit about not kicking another goal after.</p><p>Our backline has spent most of the year waiting for something to happen so it's probably good that they've been subjected to a pre-finals barrage. They held up well in one-on-ones, including Air Gillard flying through with spoils all over the place, but weight of numbers and inability to stop quick transitions got us eventually. When we finally escaped confined spaces and got the ball inside 50 it was plucked out of the air with the greatest of ease. Then, when Brisbane finally gave us a chance via a shizen handball in defence we turned two players running towards the loose ball into conceding at the other end. </p><p>Thanks to Channel 7 you were lucky to know any of this was happening. I'll take up weapons to defend Jason Bennett but he should demand a trade after your home of finals warmed up by broadcasting like community television. The commentators clearly weren't there - as shown by a background during half-time that would have meant they were hovering in an airship - and they would have had all sorts of trouble calling off the screen while battling random, often transition-free zooms and picture freezes. No wonder there was so much awkward silence, they were probably slapping monitors and yelling "is this thing working?" away from the mic.</p><p>Our forward line fizzed, but they never got much of a chance to do anything with the rushed, panic kicks coming towards them. The start and end of the Adelaide game showed they can score against good sides if we can get the ball down there with some degree of poise. None of that was allowed here, and Brisbane knew exactly where to stand for our desperate kicks from packs. They kept dropping easy marks, we didn't have anyone close enough to take advantage. Then even after they lost time regathering, somebody was on their own for the next kick. This was not our night in any sense.</p><p>We were in serious danger of joining the <a href="http://demonwiki.org/scoreless+first+quarters" target="_blank">scoreless first quarters</a> list before snatching one against the run of play. Even with Sherriff kicking from close range at next to no angle I'll admit to having grave concerns about where it was going to end up. She made mockery of my inner-turmoil (and took advantage of a reverse mozz after her inaccuracy was mentioned on commentary) to make scores a whole lot more reasonable than they deserved to be. This was almost stuffed up by allowing the ball to get back into Brisbane's 50 in the dying seconds. We survived, then made up for it by conceding scores out the yin yang to end the next two quarters. </p><p>But first, the 'maybe everything's going to turn out ok' revival. There was no serious wind involved (but unlike certain other venues they've been smart enough to build a structure behind one of the goals to stop Hurricane Bertha whipping through), but we turned the game around in the second quarter after finding some space. I was open to the idea of wearing them down like so many before, but in an extreme version of Adelaide there was no point running the game out better if you're a million points down.</p><p>The tide was turning in our direction. Even when Harris, who earlier nearly legally killed an opponent with a knee to the head in a marking contest, briefly seemed to have done her shoulder she cured herself with an overhead mark and goal. Good thing she came back, because we'd already lost Watt to concussion. Later Chaplin had to be assessed after another head knock, and Goldrick was hobbling around as if crocked. Shit time for an injury crisis.</p><p>We gave the goal back, but the game were turning in our favour. After being well held all night superstar mode was engaged when Hanks goalled, then Hore put through a snap from a weird angle and things were looking up. Until they weren't. After getting in the way of almost everything thrown at them until then, our defenders all missed a player standing alone in the square. It nearly got worse, in an attempt to reach half-time without further damage Bannan went behind the metaphorical ball, found herself with the actual ball, and was pinched for holding it. Just as I was doing my bit for all those "you don't get toxic male behaviour in AFLW" people by yelling obscenities they charitably missed an absolute sitter.</p><p>You'd like to stay that set up an exciting second half, but that would only be correct if you're a Brisbane fan. It might have turned out differently if Hore hadn't toepoked a loose ball in the square into the post. This indirectly led to Brisbane kicking two in quick succession and us getting none for the rest of the game. If there was anything that encapsulated our night, other than dump kicks falling straight into the arms of defenders, it was Purcell winning the ball from a contest, doing 95% of a fend-off but being caught at the last minute for holding the ball.</p><p>You can assign some of the blame to our reduced capacity side, but there were a few "can't play XYZ" every week performances. Zanker worked hard defensively but never looked like kicking a goal, Bannan may never have had a worse night, and under finals-like pressure West's already wayward kicking went to pieces. She's a great accumulator but should be named the league's first Designated Handballer and entirely banned from ever kicking. Meanwhile, without Watt we were back to playing Zanker and Hanks as second rucks. You can't factor in somebody being concussed, but if either of them do it next week in place of Campbell I'll spew up.</p><p>The umpiring was baffling, but when we were still in front after ludicrous decisions like the whistle going for a Mackin 'high tackle' (e.g. she was burrowed into) before the contact, you can't blame the decisions. We were just carrying too many fringe players to go one short for most of the game against ravenous opposition.</p><p>We were in deep shit late in the quarter, but within the range of a miracle comeback. Until they kicked the last two goals. It started with another late holding the ball, and finished with Heath being done for a dangerous tackle even after bringing player to ground without her head going close to contacting the turf. This made the points and double chance safe for Brisbane, even with one of their players ending the quarter bleeding like she'd severed the carotid artery.</p><p>Any chance of making Brisbane nervous died with another pair of intercept marks handed out like Christmas gifts. I'll take any opportunity to demand extra crumb but no point here because ball wasn't reaching ground often enough. We ran the game out much better - albeit against opposition who'd done what they needed to - but continued to attack as if drunk, completing our first goalless second half since that absolute shambles of a loss to St Kilda <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2020/02/friday-night-filth.html" target="_blank">in 2020</a>. The Lions didn't get one either but fat lot of good that was for us by now.</p><p>Even when we did have chances they were blown in novelty fashion. When Bannan snapped on the full it tempted me to look at her career stats to see proportion of damage done against good teams vs bad but I stopped before it made me sad. She was having such a bad run that even a kick off the ground in the square was called in danger. I'd argue that if there's a loose ball that close to goal you should know there's probably a boot in the vicinity and you dive towards it at own risk but it wouldn't have changed anything. </p><p>It's our worse loss to them - and the only one that didn't end with a final score of 15 at Casey Fields - and means having to go back-to-back the hard way. So be it. Once the flag is in the bank we'll look back and laugh at the joy they took beating us here.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes<br /></b>5 - Kate Hore <br />4 - Lauren Pearce<br />3 - Tahlia Gillard<br />2 - Tayla Harris<br />1 - Libby Birch</p><p>Apologies to Goldrick, Hanks, Mackin, Purcell and Zanker.</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br />And just like that's it's on again. With somewhere between 10 and 20 votes in the tank, the captain is within striking range again. As for everyone on eight votes or less, better luck next year. In more important news, the Defender of the Year committee has met and rule Blaithin Mackin is not eligible, which is tremendous news for Gillard fanatics everywhere as she has inherited the lead. Pearce is even more provisionally your ruck champion again, and it's looking like a blank year for the Rising Star.</p><p>28 - Tyla Hanks<br />23 - Kate Hore<br />--- Needs four finals ---<br />11 - Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Ruck of the Year), Eden Zanker<br />10 - Olivia Purcell<br />9 - Tahlia Gillard (LEADER: Defender of the Year)<br />--- Abandon all hope below here ---<br />6 - Sinead Goldrick, Tayla Harris, Paxy Paxman, Eliza West<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan,<br />3 - Sarah Lampard<br />2 - Lily Mithen<br />1 - Libby Birch</p><p><b>Goal of the Week</b><br />It's got to be Hore from the pocket in the second quarter, just when everything looked to be turning our way and that we wouldn't concede another goal for the season. It was all a bit of a letdown after that. No change to the overall leaderboard. </p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Tyla Hanks (Q3) vs North Melbourne</p><p><b>Next Week<br /></b>It's back to Fortress Princes Park to play the only top four side we've beaten this year. What could possibly go wrong? After an early scare we did North surprisingly easily last time, but I'm not taking a repeat for granted. If all of Chaplin, Goldrick and Harris survive, and we get some of Paxman, Mackin and Gay back (+ Campbell for Watt as the enforced change) then I would certainly expect to win. For god's sake I've had enough of losing finals this calendar year so let's at least get through this one, no matter how much toil and struggle it requires, then take our chances in a Prelim.</p><p>For some reason, we're playing at 3.05pm Sunday, even though there's no game scheduled on Friday. Remember the bit where I suggested tying a longer season to viewing metrics was a swizz?</p><p><b>Final thoughts</b><br />At least now there's no case for the league forcibly breaking us up.<b> </b>Which is something.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-25516053462220423362023-10-30T18:27:00.004+11:002023-10-30T18:27:29.296+11:00Answer blows in wind<p><i>Due to being old and tired I was pleased to hand over the keys for this week to returning guest reporter Craig so he could do the game justice for the historical record. Then after all the woe is me self-pity about the season wearing me out the first thing I read is that he went from the northern suburbs to Casey via public transport, and as a resident of the far north let me tell you this is somewhere between commendable and worthy of instant life membership. Anything you read after this in italics is me, otherwise take it away Craig! </i></p><p>Due to my current, albeit temporary, living arrangements I am located in the northern suburbs of Melbourne. Combined with attending all AFLW matches via public transport, the journey to and from Casey is quite an epic of connections and potential complications. Fortunately the earlier time of 1.05pm, as opposed to 3:05pm in our previous Casey games this season, meant arriving home on the same date I left. It did mean leaving before sunrise, but at least it gave me time to get some reading in.</p><p>Enough of my complaining <i>(it's never stopped me before - editor)</i>, but it does say something about this team that I'm prepared to regularly spend around three hours each way travelling to watch them play about 80 minutes of football. Then there's the wind. Before the Adelaide game someone on Demonland asked for advice as a newbie visiting Casey and the first reply was "don't wear a toupee". Given how windy it was in the central suburbs, it was with some trepidation that I headed to the game, wondering what it would be like today when still days elsewhere usually mean a gale at Casey.</p><p>The conditions weren't too bad by Casey standards. That's not saying much but it has been worse. However, rather than the usual diagonal wind blowing across the ground from roughly half back to half forward, this was close to directly down the southern end, just a little off to the eastern pocket. Oddly enough, the only other game I can recalled this orientation presenting was also against Freo, in the 2021 Qualifying Final (<i>Confirmed - I spent the whole review <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2021/04/when-youre-hot-youre-hot.html" target="_blank">whinging about it</a>). </i></p><p>The breeze was of sufficient strength to mean the banner couldn't be raised, which was disappointing for two reasons. Firstly it meant no large, visual acknowledgement of Shelley Heath's 50th game, though the two-deep honour guard that stretched from the player's race halfway to the centre square compensated somewhat. And secondly, for the dozen players (Hore, Hanks, Bannan, and Harris included), who of their own volition with no prompting from the club spent an evening with the cheer squad helping put the banner together for the second year running. You have to love this team.</p><p>This week's late withdrawal/mystery injury was Maddie Gay, who apparently reported some hammy soreness after Thursday training. So, with the non-returns of Tayla Harris, Gaby Colvin and Aimee Mackin, and with Sarah Lampard still a couple of weeks away, Georgia Gall was given her debut.</p><p>Freo won the toss and predictably kicked with the wind. The game started as it so often does for this team, quickly conceding a goal. For a side with such a fantastic defensive record it's amazing how often this happens. We soon had the ball camped in our forward line but it was obvious that with force 10 gales blowing in our faces scoring would be difficult. One attempted pass from Hanks to Purcell was perfectly on target, only to be blown five meters off course. Who else but Hanks herself stepped up with a bit of magic to open our account. It wasn't quite on the scale of the goal against the Kangas last week, but effective nonetheless. It was the last for either side before quarter time, but despite trailing by a point at the change I wasn't in the least concerned, knowing we'd done a good job keeping them to just one with the wind. </p><p>Maybe I should have been a little worried. Despite dominating play, and the ball barely leaving our attacking 50 except to be taken back to the centre for a bounce, we blazed away with the wind, kicking 3.7 in the first 12 minutes of the quarter. This included an inspired burst of five behinds in two and a half minutes. The goals came via Zanker running onto a great tap from Pearce, and left foot snaps from congestion by Paxman and West. In the rush, Hore, Zanker and Purcell all missed snaps I'm sure they would have loved to had again <i>(Or on a ground that's doesn't play like you're kicking directly into Cyclone Tracy)</i>. At the end Freo rushed the ball forward to an open forward line, where Wilson found herself mismatched in a foot race with a player half her size but twice her speed. Bang, Freo had gotten one back.</p><p>Speaking of Wilson, never mind other clubs going after the likes of Hore, Hanks and Zanker, you would think there is a greater danger of losing players like her. She has played eight games over the last two seasons, done all that has been asked of her, and hardly put a foot wrong but gets dropped as soon as established players recover from injury. She'd be getting a game each week in any other team and is the player you'd think opposition recruiting officers would be targeting.</p><p>A half time lead of 18 was a little disappointing given our second quarter ascendancy. The third started well, with territorial dominance culminating with a Kate Hore toe-poke at pace in the goal square for the first of the quarter. Then devolved into a partial replay of the second. Despite kicking into the wind we had the ball locked in our forward 50, but unlike the last quarter we couldn't score. Multiple opportunities weren't taken, until Freo finally got it away and were rewarded with a rough holding the ball against Goldrick right in front. They missed, so we'd again only lost the quarter by a point into the wind. On the face of it pretty good but could have been so much better.</p><p>Also worth mentioning from the third quarter was 50th gamer Shelley Heath standing her ground for a mark and being poleaxed by somebody twice her size (which is just about every player in the comp) charging through. She is tougher than nails so immediately sprung to her feet and took off, accepting the 50 metre penalty as if nothing had happened. </p><p>The fourth quarter was rinse and repeat <i>(Thank you again for doing this Craig, I was watching it wondering how I'd fill even a short report unless somebody went off chops again like the West Coast coach)</i>,<i> </i>with all the play in our forward line for no meaningful reward until Blaithin Mackin produced a great snap from distance 10 minutes again. Again, Freo got a quick reply and negated our long period of attacking. Fortunately we finished with two more goals, one to Hore after quick ball movement that left her level with Zanker on the competition goalkicking table, then one from an Edo set shot that put her back in front. It left her the first player to kick twenty goals in an AFLW H&A season, still with a round to play. So in the end a 33 point win.</p><p>I'm glad our Casey visits are over for this year, assuming any home finals will be at Princes Park <i>(They had better be, playing any more finals at this paddock would be bringing the sport into disrepute)</i>. Never mind the wind, and the fact that it's virtually in Gippsland, you could argue that we've had our three worst performances of the year there, the loss to Adelaide and two scrappy wins over the struggling Dogs and Dockers. Our skill and superior ball movement superiority relative to other teams is less of an advantage when the wind is playing havoc and can reward a kick and hope game style more than it should. We generally rise above it but it's just another argument against Casey.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Paxy Paxman<br />4 - Lauren Pearce<br />3 - Sinead Goldrick<br />2 - Lily Mithen<br />1 - Tahlia Gillard</p><p>Apologies to Mackin, Hore, McNamara, Zanker, and West.</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br /><i>With an absolute maximum of 25 votes left if we go to the Grand Final the long way it's time for the dreaded dotted line to start eliminating contenders. It will be almost impossible for Hanks to lose from here but I'm not calling it yet. However, I think we can be pretty sure that Pearce has got the ruck award in the bank.</i></p><p>28 - Tyla Hanks<br />19 - Kate Hore<br />11 - Blathin Mackin (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Eden Zanker<br />10 - Olivia Purcell<br />9 - Shelley Heath<br />7 - Lauren Pearce (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Ruck of the Year)<br />6 - Tahlia Gillard, Sinead Goldrick, Paxy Paxman, Eliza West<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan, <br />4 - Tayla Harris<br />3 - Sarah Lampard<br />--- Abandon all hope below here ---<br />2 - Lily Mithen</p><p><b>Goal of the Week</b><br />This week goes to Blaithin Mackin's fourth quarter effort, showing several of her teammates who've been playing the game years longer how you snap around the corner from distance. I don't know if it would dislodge any of the current top three so I’ll leave that decision to your regular correspondent.</p><p><i>(It does not. Existing leaderboard stands)</i></p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Tyla Hanks (Q3) vs North Melbourne</p><p><b>Next Week</b><br />Our final home and away game is against the Lions at Springfield <i>(or to use its official name - Premiership Alley)</i>, which was going to be the top spot/home finals/$1 million mega match before Brisbane's stumble against St Kilda and Collingwood's loss to Sydney wrapped up the McClelland Trophy. It means the club gets a cool mil, with half split between the men's and women's teams. That means relative to their actual salaries the women will get a nice little earner and the men chicken feed. And I can't say that bothers me one little bit.</p><p><i style="font-weight: bold;">Final thoughts</i><br /><i>Thank you again to Craig for coming off the bench. You are welcome back any time, and I would encourage the club to use a slice of their newfound mil to buy you a yearly myki. Hopefully this break will propel me to great things for the rest of the season, ending in flat out back-to-back flag carnage whether in Melbourne or Adelaide. Let the games begin. </i></p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-57543894408532476692023-10-24T05:09:00.002+11:002023-10-25T13:12:21.070+11:00Keeping the standards up<p>It's getting to the point where the women might apply to play out the year as Narrm to distance themselves from the men. Just as all the finals and trade distractions ended and gave us the chance to focus on a prime-time, top of the table AFLW clash between premiership contenders all the focus went to the crossing of the Joel Smith Line and it was back to square one.</p><p>Enthusiasts knew where to look for a side that's won as many AFL-branded premierships with 0% of the drug furore, and unusually for a Melbourne home game that was Princes Park. Apologies if you live in Clyde, but playing games at grounds with a seating capacity above double figures is a good thing. Also, even if it means paying rent to Carlton we've never lost in seven starts there, including a pair of finals. After kicking her entire career goal tally to the left of screen there I know Georgia Campbell is with me, and Shelley Heath will be happy to go there every second week and tag superstars of the competition into the ground. </p><p>Basically what I'm saying, and please don't write into the club to complain like somebody once did when I still had life force to do spicy, controversial tweets, is that Casey can GAGF with extreme prejudice. We've won a lot there, but we've won a lot everywhere except Adelaide Oval and Alice Springs. This is only partly self-interest about Parkville being half the distance from my house than Casey, we've got a side on a run of sustained success that will probably never be repeated, they deserve to play somewhere with at least two sides. The crowd here was only 800 more than against an interstate club at the other place but looked infinitely more professional. There's a time and place for games in local parks, and this wasn't it.</p><p>Our cherished (?) unbeaten record at the ground looked shaky 13 minutes into the first quarter on Saturday night. With North two goals up <i>[EDIT - We actually got our first goal after theirs, but I'll leave this intact as a reminder to myself in the future how frazzled I was by late October 2023] </i>, and our attack in full Can't Play XYZ Every Week mode the danger of consecutive defeats against other sides was real, with another to come in the last round. There are too many good teams at the very top of the ladder to ever assume we ever had flag in the bag, but this would have left us in the frame to visit either Adelaide or Brisbane for the first final and the other in a Prelim. After what happened about six weeks ago I can't face another round of people trying to engineer the ladder to keep us in Victoria so the best thing to do is just keep winning.</p><p>Just as things were getting wobbly we discovered the old-school AFLW method of blanketing opposition until they're a gibbering wreck. That's where things went wrong against the Crows, instead of jumping to a lead and trying to run them down in a relatively high scoring game we'd have done better in a 25-20 slopfest. From that high point, North didn't score a cracker until the last minute, avoiding the surely unprecedented 'feat' of going scoreless across the last three quarters. Like a certain other red and blue outfit who have recently been in the news, no point being a great defensive side if there's nobody making it count at the other end. </p><p>It took me until about halfway through the third quarter to appreciate that we were the better side and it would probably stay that way, because I'd gone in worried about the implications of losing and the first quarter didn't do much to help. In contrast to a men's season where there were so many weird results that the near-miss of a GWS vs Carlton Grand Final doesn't seem all that bizarre, there's as much chance of a side outside the AFLW top four saluting as there is of cycling across the Atlantic Ocean. Effortless dismantling of the dregs was good fun and great for percentage but we needed to be reminded that the best sides were beatable before playing them again when it matters most. </p><p>Even if she's not at peak goalscoring form, the ongoing absence of Tayla Harris was worrying. Then we had to dip into our questionable depth with a pair of late changes, and I went in lightly panicking about being undone in a crucial game. For once it's not all about ladder position either, because the reincarnated McClelland Trophy is decided on combined AFL/W performance and comes with a million dollar cheque. The players get half the cash, and the way some of the men are going I expect their share will be managed by trustees Britney Spears style. </p><p>For all the weird shit they've done since, the men did their share of the work with a reasonable home and away finish, now they need to sit back (and please, do stay home gentlemen) and hope we outlast Brisbane and Collingwood. Surely it's no coincidence that we're playing the Lions in the last round of the home and away season, offering great "who's going to get the money?" content involving lots of people who were playing for a hot dog and a handshake in the league's early years.</p><p>I'm still mentally in the era where we were asked to throw money in a bucket to stave off insolvency, so automatically thought about the money when the Lions were involved in a thrilling finish with Adelaide in an earlier game. The bit about the highest finishing side hosting the Grand Final slipped my mind while I was doing Bradbury Plan calculations on how we'd still get a home final AND a mil if the Crows finished top. As usual they didn't do us any favours, meaning that while Brisbane's percentage likely means they'll finish behind us on this ladder no matter what, the big bucks will likely still be on the line in our Round 10 return to Springfield. </p><p>The result of Adelaide/North next week will be important in making sure we get one of the home final or Tattslotto jackpot, if not both. Normal people don't concern themselves with this sort of stuff, which is why the AFL website doesn't even bother carrying an updated McClelland leaderboard. Their ladder page does carry a link to 'AFL Preseason', even though that hasn't had a ladder since about 2001. Good stuff.</p><p>I'll excuse the CEO for having other things to worry about at the moment (although, was that who the cameras cut to sinking a glass of red in the stands?) but the Chief Financial Officer must have been going through their worst post-premiership agony when we were two goals behind. Our excuse for the first was the umpire missing disposal so illegal that it should have had a lawyer. That was a blow considering it was already clear that we wouldn't be teeing off on North like everyone else, but the second was self-inflicted. A long, hopeful kick to the square should have easily been chopped off but two defenders misread the flight, went to spoil the lone forward in the area, and watched it fly over their head.</p><p>The only reason I mention that Gillard was responsible for that goal is because the rest of her game was at the same level as the day she was RORTED out of the BOG medal in the Grand Final. It's not easy to show how good you are as a key defender when the ball is at the other end for most of the game, but given the job of stopping a real-life contending forward line she either spoiled or intercepted everything that came her way. Sometimes I worry that we don't have any promising young players waiting in the wings, then I remember that a lot of the Rising Stars have already risen. Gillard is 19, Bannan is 21, Hanks, Purcell and Zanker are 23, and only three players here are over 30.</p><p>We haven't got much of a fringe, but the less-celebrated players certainly stepped up here. Our record for disposals in one AFLW game is 32 (I'm glad you asked, the answer is Olivia Purcell in <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2022+AFLW+spring+season+Round+8" target="_blank">R8</a> last season), and as Charlotte Wilson now has a total of 37 in seven appearances even she'd probably admit to being spare parts but played as good a four touch game in defence as you'll get. See also Georgia Campbell, whose only kick was from a free but is developing nicely while Pearce is still around. Also, I'm incredibly biased towards Maeve Chaplin because of her elite post-premiership celebrating, but she may have finished off late-withdrawal Gabby Colvin.</p><p>At the other end of the star-studded card, Tyla Hanks is tremendous. The neck-and-neck race with Kate Hore to be our most important player was blown to pieces on Saturday night. Hore is great, Hanks is even better. For all the whinging about how we kept our list together while everybody else was torn apart by expansion, we nailed our draft picks in the early years of the competition. Other than the top players the <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2016+AFLW+Draft" target="_blank">inaugural draft</a> looks a bit ropey now (although what about the value of Mithen and Lampard at picks that add up to 221?) but we followed up Zanker in 2017, Hanks in 2018, Birch via flogging all our picks in 2019, Bannan in 2020. Then we got Harris practically free from Carlton the next year and were even more off to the races than before.</p><p>List management triumphs aside, we were in deep shit here until North charitably helped get us going with a needless 50. Darren Crocker doesn't look any different than when we gifted him a caretaker win by furious tanking <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/you-cant-stop-horror.html" target="_blank">in 2009</a>, but if he didn't have hair to pull out I'm surprised it didn't end in his bald scalp pouring blood from being torn at anyway. Even at our worst we've always found a goal somewhere, but the early signs were that we'd struggle to score so this was an own-goal of epic proportions. Maybe we'd have started slowly then gone over the top like an invading army again like the Collingwood game, but this certainly helped.</p><p>The gift was delivered to Casey Sherriff, who could do with a freebie after toiling away forward all year for not much return. I'm too tactically dense to understand if there's an important role being played, but I'm prepared to accept it even without a Stinear Math presentation to explain, but at the same time you've got to hit the scoreboard eventually or crumb fanatics might start asking whether we could find somebody else who's more likely to pluck goals from unexpected places.</p><p>It's simplistic to say that goal changed everything, but you can argue a connection to North nearly failing to score again. For the first time in a bag-laden season (in all senses of the word) we spread the goals around. I thought it must have been a while since we had all single goalkickers, then found out it last happened in <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2022+AFLW+spring+season+Preliminary+Final" target="_blank">the Prelim</a>. Still, after the Zanker vs The World effort against Adelaide it's good to know we don't need her, Hore, or Bannan to go bananas to beat top sides.</p><p>After tormenting a bunch of glorified amateurs last week, the only time Banno got near it here was a fend-off/spin combo that literally turned into a holding the ball tackle, but our other peak forwards got their share. When Hore pulled down a fine contested mark in front of goal early in the second it didn't seem right to be taking the lead. If you ignore the obvious point about the game not going the same way etc.. etc... turns out that one point lead would have been good enough for a draw.</p><p>Things got a bit weird for the next goal, with what seemed like and was commentated as a mysterious ruck free to Campbell. At the time I thought it was a fair balance for the umpires missing the massive drop/throw for North's first, but was confused when the match statistics arrived and Campbell hadn't been credited with a free. Just when I thought I'd exposed Champion Data's business, <a href="https://twitter.com/sdoc23/status/1715971946608042401" target="_blank">wiser viewers</a> pointed out that it was actually the slightest of downfield frees for Purcell being held off the ball. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNNA2tdg3ThyphenhyphenxL8Cla2SFRcY3Dq7qi3XMmQT1LMYBV4NZy5N8VgedybpfEx_FKYMkAKd6HGVR14MIhGXrXdYPxubd_x1g_MTdnXFYPxEW-rHtbE9tmHDyQheaHubFUWNChdEfT6nWNoNpHNQX0JoB9-D_z9Wvl-zc_wAs6Q4e97Dmn9dPcaTREHtsQwlE/s456/tackle.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="344" data-original-width="456" height="241" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNNA2tdg3ThyphenhyphenxL8Cla2SFRcY3Dq7qi3XMmQT1LMYBV4NZy5N8VgedybpfEx_FKYMkAKd6HGVR14MIhGXrXdYPxubd_x1g_MTdnXFYPxEW-rHtbE9tmHDyQheaHubFUWNChdEfT6nWNoNpHNQX0JoB9-D_z9Wvl-zc_wAs6Q4e97Dmn9dPcaTREHtsQwlE/s320/tackle.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>Now that I see a replay, yes indeed she was being ejected from the contest with what seems like a rugby tackle so fair enough. The commentators completely were no help explaining this, but they also spent half the night calling Fitzsimon 'Fitzsimons' like no lessons were learned from Trengove/Trengrove. <div><br /></div><div>The half time lead was only nine so we were still in 'anything could happen' mode before Hanks kicked off the second half by bursting through a pack like Sonic The Hedgehog, then turning all the opposition players around her into dust before kicking it on the outside of her boot. </div><div><br /></div><div>My local Bunnings has a plaque to commemorate being opened by Tony Shaw (recently revealed to have accidentally sent a picture of his snag to an innocent party <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1712596275127046452" target="_blank">in 1989</a>), by the time Tyla is finished the one she worked at will have her picture 20 foot high on the outside. Unlike certain other bulk possession winning premiership winning midfielders associated with this club I'm positive we can get to that point without a raft of scandals and public bust-ups.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's not that North gave up after this, we just treated them like somebody holding a ball just out of reach of a small dog. I don't think they knew how the margin had blown out this far, It didn't get much worse, the next quarter and a half was largely played in the middle with no more goals kicked until Zanker bunged one through at the end to keep the ColemanW race interesting. The Roos were already well out of time by then, but it was a nice exclamation mark. </div><div><br /></div><div>Now the focus was on our beloved Shutdown Watch, after getting back into the goalless last quarter game against the Eagles, this was a chance to keep North entirely scoreless in the fourth in the same style as the 2022 Spring (never Season 7) Prelim. We achieved a 15th goal free quarter in 16 starts. That's equivalent to the entire MFC careers of Mitch Clark and Shane Valenti, which is probably not the measurement this team is comparing with but seems pretty interesting to me. Though to be fair, I am writing this at 4am which explains a lot.<br /><p>Regrettably the full shutout was not achieved, as they shambled through a hopeful long behind in the last 30 seconds. There's a couple of Demonwiki pages that have gotten so long the system won't let me edit them anymore (hence the split of Unknown Players <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Unknown+Players+1890s-1920s" target="_blank">into</a> <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Unknown+players+1930s-1940s" target="_blank">multiple</a> <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Unknown+Players+1950s-1990s" target="_blank">pages</a>, with <a href="http://demonwiki.org/tribunal" target="_blank">Tribunal results</a> to follow now that it crashes whenever I try to add the newly discovered 'Rod Grinter slaps somebody in the '92 Reserves Prelim' incident), and the way this team is adding to the scoreless fourth quarters list I'm concerned/delighted that it may be heading down the same path. The tally remains 15 since 2007, so please refer to earlier obscure Clark/Valenti comparison again.</p><p>Even before assuming results next week went as expected this already nearly made sure of a top four finish, then Essendon imploded against West Coast (who must have been inspired by their coach going off like a pork chop last week) and we're now two games and 160 percentage points clear of fifth. That means playing out the rest of the season to answer the question of 'who' and 'where'. If the answer to question B) is 'the state of Victoria', here's to it being at Princes Park and not Mt. Variable Weather. I'm open to keeping our winning streak at the ground - dating back to ruining Carlton's going away <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2005/05/knock-it-down.html" target="_blank">in 2005</a> - rolling through three more finals, at which point we should be given rights to the ground in the same fashion as Brazil being given the original World Cup for good after winning it three times.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Tyla Hanks<br />4 - Blaithin Mackin<br />3 - Tahlia Gillard<br />2 - Shelley Heath<br />1 - Olivia Purcell</p><p>Apologies to Pearce, Mithen, Hore, Sherriff, and Wilson.</p><p><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>When Ron Barassi said "you give me possessions and I'll shut up" he was setting the criteria for every award in the game. Hore does heaps from one end of the ground to the other but Hanks gets a shitloads of touches and bulldozes through clearances for fun so she was probably always going to finish in front by the end of the year. There's a reason why in more than 25 combined leaderboards between men and women we've had about two non-midfield winners, and one of them was a ruckman. </p><p>On the men's side you can justify that by the many years when our forwards couldn't get near it, and defenders were regularly losing the will to live after watching the ball go over their head all day. In W-Land it's almost been the opposite, until this year we've never been a high scoring side, but have won so much that the defenders don't have to do a massive amount of work. </p><p>There's still a maximum of 30 votes left, but while you never know, in this case you probably do and we may be naming a provisional winner next week. There's no movement in the minors, but Original Recipe Mackin is firming up her controversial DOTY campaign. Still no votes in Rookie of the Year, so unless Campbell gets in first then Mackin II is still a chance of creating the first sibling winners in Demonblog history. Votes have always been handed out in an unbiased, non-storyline driven fashion but I'd secretly love that to happen. </p><p>28 - Tyla Hanks<br />19 - Kate Hore<br />11 - Blathin Mackin (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Eden Zanker<br />10 - Olivia Purcell<br />9 - Shelley Heath<br />6 - Eliza West<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan, Tahlia Gillard<br />4 - Tayla Harris<br />3 - Sinead Goldrick, Sarah Lampard, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)<br />1 - Paxy Paxman</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />It can't be anything other than Hanks barging through the pack, selling more dummies than Baby Bunting and leaving several North players considering their future in the game. I enjoyed it so much that it's going into the top three. </p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Tyla Hanks (Q3) vs North Melbourne<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>One week at a ground with sides is enough, back to Casey to play Freo on Saturday. Remember when they were ripped off out of a flag by the cancellation of 2021? Whatever happened next hasn't been kind to them. If the state of West Coast is anything to go by, losing players to them can't have done much damage. Can't be easy for Perth teams to fly all the way across the country then arrive and realise they've still got to get to Cranbourne. May as well divert the plane to Tooradin Airport and take your chances with an emergency landing.</p><p>If Harris and Lampard return as expected <i>(EDIT - I must have missed the bit where Lampard is out 2-4 weeks with a fracture wrist, so that's not happening)</i> we'll be winding up for finals nicely, and while they're probably the last of the mid-table mediocrities before you get into the absolute slop we should win without too much drama. If the wind affects the quality of the game in any way I'll see you back here afterwards for more hanging shit on playing in Cranbourne.</p><p><b>Administrative announcements</b><br />I could do with a pre-finals bye, so if you're super-keen on joining the team and want to do a guest report for next week let me know. You get to hand out votes, declare the Goal of the Week winner, and even provide balanced pro-Casey coverage if that's your thing. And at the point where I'm saying I need a rest, remind me sometime in December that I want to do a countdown of all our W games from Flag (hopefully occupying the top two spots once this year is over) right down to that time Adelaide beat us by 10 goals. </p><p>Speaking of December, with Christmas coming, why not stuff somebody's sock with <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/p/the-last-hurrah.html" target="_blank">one book</a> <a href="https://www.amazon.com.au/Great-Deepression-Decade-Melbourne-Football/dp/1530973287/ref=pd_bxgy_img_1/357-9118157-6151867?pd_rd_w=5aFUq&pf_rd_p=5b6ff1ae-e7e6-4dc6-b109-10f436c454e8&pf_rd_r=RA6HK9GQTQYFJ2M1J772&pd_rd_r=c2257081-e905-465c-b29e-1e5dc4d1d08e&pd_rd_wg=TmkvL&pd_rd_i=1530973287&psc=1" target="_blank">or another</a>?</p><p><b>Final Thoughts<br /></b>Two quarters of looking helpless against the Crows shook my faith but this result has reinvigorated me. By the time we leave Springfield in the last round (potentially to return to Premiership Alley the following week if results leave us with an away final against the Lions) I might be back into a misery death spiral, but for now I'm a believer that back-to-back is possible again, and that's all you can ask for. </p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-50780704525312348872023-10-17T18:05:00.003+11:002023-10-17T18:05:48.806+11:00Banno goes boonta in b-team beatdown<p>Welcome to another big week of nobody paying attention to a really good team because we were too busy trading some men, fishing another out of hospital, and blowing up the AFL Tables servers trying to work out who Tom Fullarton is. I don't know if there's a good time to balance clear air for AFLW and not killing the players in the middle of summer, but it's a touch NQR that the season will have three home and away games left by the time all the other competition's newsworthy distractions are over.</p><p>It doesn't help the build-up when you're playing another of the many dreadful sides, but if there was ever a day for West Coast to score more than seven points against us this was it. A raft of injuries (some qualifying under the 'good week for a rest' rule), +30 degree temperatures on a ground with about 2% shade cover, and the recent disappointment of losing our first game in a year had us primed for a... not as big as expected win. The Eagles certainly weren't going to beat us without something insane happening, but you could make a case for it staying interesting a lot longer than the other times we've brutalised them.</p><p>To their credit (he says switching to a deeply patronising tone) they reached half-time near enough to keep open the prospect of the biggest upset of all time. We might have had a shitload more injuries, several players could have collapsed from heatstroke during the last quarter, you never know. Then the 'no goals in the last quarter' count was reset to one, and extended to the opposition not scoring a cracker for the entire second half, on a day where they only have nine inside 50s. You can't tell anything from a high inside 50 count, but when it lands in single digits you have - in the end - had a shit one no matter how solid the supporting effort. </p><p>The absence of Tayla Harris and Lauren Pearce was a win for stats nerds everywhere, as Rhi Watt lost her chance to be the only two-time leadership group member never to play a game, but gained the title of oldest MFC debutant of all time. At just shy of 36 she easily vaults Laura Duryea for the AFLW record, and finishes over a year ahead of ex-North man, and later Australian Football Hall of Famer, <a href="http://demonwiki.org/John+Lewis" target="_blank">John Lewis</a> for the combined club record. Put that on a t-shirt. John's great grandson played for West Coast, Rhiannon's great grandchildren may be around to see their women's side achieve respectability.</p><p>After narrowly missing a 100 point win <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2022+AFLW+summer+season+Round+9" target="_blank">against Freo</a> (who, to be fair, had been walloped by COVID protocols) two years ago, I was open to the idea of going 12+ points better against the alternative but tempered my expectations based on raft of changes, and weather that may as well have been the Kalahari Desert compared to Casey. A nice, comfortable win without injuries or suspension would have done me well into the third quarter. Then as the score started to tick up I got bloodlust and wanted to pile unnecessary misery on players who were probably hoping somebody would throw the towel in and f or them. </p><p>The secessionists love playing air raid sirens at the start of quarters, and what better day than when you're likely to be under fire from start to finish. When they unexpectedly went straight out of the middle and kicked into the heart of forward 50 I'd have been more nervous if it didn't land in the arms of a defender without an opponent in the same area code. Like a sadder version of the start against GWS, it was false hope for the scattered home crowd. They knew it was the equivalent of if Luxembourg had fired the first shot in World War II. They were quite efficient in scoring from their remaining inside 50s, with two goals from seven attempts. </p><p>On every measure other than the scoreboard we were better between that mark and the first goal, but the interim was a bit rough. The Eagles tried their best not to be thrashed, at the cost of looking a chance to go one better than last time and become the first team to score nil. The effort was there, and you knew we'd break through eventually but for now it lacked clear cut chances. </p><p>At least we had the commentary stylings of 'Scoey', who not only reminds you of a <a href="https://simpsonswiki.com/wiki/Scoey_(Saturdays_of_Thunder)" target="_blank">fringe Simpsons character</a> but has perfected the world-weary, 'pretending to love the game but sounding like he doesn’t want to be there' attitude of Gerard Healy. This is the same person who thought we had <a href="https://www.foxsports.com.au/afl/teams/melbourne-demons/afl-finals-2021-melbourne-vs-geelong-preliminary-final-mental-scars-2018-prelim-vs-west-coast-will-schofield-comments-news/news-story/22b7e75c5968ee20a3d0079db4ccd8d8" target="_blank">mental scars</a> from the 2018 Prelim shortly before humping Geelong by a huge margin, so I assume Tim Ruffles was busy.</p><p>There wasn't any saving this game for spectacle enthusiasts, but those of us who clutch to anything red and blue like our lives depend on it needed a spark. Enter Alyssa Bannan, about to take her turn on the rotating 'five goals in a game' showcase. First Hore equalled Daisy’s club record in Canberra, then Zanker at Casey, now Banno has done it somewhere that doesn’t start with C. If last week was anything to go by, good teams have realised that you can't let her run out the back and into an open goal. For obvious reasons the Eagles were unable to implement that strategy, twice standing around like Wile E. Coyote being passed by the Road Runner in a cloud of dust.</p><p>Unlike unbeaten premiership favourites Adelaide, the Eagles not only scored in the opening quarter but got full points. Sure it came gift-wrapped from a 50 but better to make charitable contributions than risk the AFL kidnapping half our list (and if this happens may I suggest the bottom half) to distribute around the country. Normal service resumed with Bannan proving her versatility by booting a set shot as well, and no damage was done from gifting them a goal. </p><p>There was already a less than 0.01% chance of being caught from three goals to one in front but we lobbed in a fourth just to make sure of it. While her sister was busy hoovering up kicks off the half-back line, new cult favourite Aimee Mackin was busy causing carnage inside 50. After a near miss where she don't argued one opponent with contempt, had a bounce, then booted it straight out on the full, her long-awaited first goal finally came from a spot of goalsquare crumb that furthers the theory that we should be recruiting the Irish as early as possible and training them into a race of superplayers. </p><p>At 26-years-old there's plenty of time for Mackin to either a) polish her game, become the most exciting forward in the league, and be part of the first sibling life member combination since the Febeys, b) have the excitement coached out of her, or c) lose interest and concentrate on dominating the Gaelic game instead. There was a centering kick from the boundary line that would make recruiters fall off their chair if done by a prospective draftee. The next step is doing this against the good teams she is already providing terrific entertainment value.</p><p>The only thing that was going to stop us winning now was direct nuclear strike, so I took the opportunity to spend the second quarter cooking dinner. Still watching, but with the sizzling commentary replaced by sizzling frypan. I'm sure some excellent audio content was missed, because the footy didn't have much going for it. We spent the whole quarter thumping away at their end for a measly by our standards 0.2, while West Coast nearly went a full quarter without going inside 50 once. Once they did our defenders were so surprised that they conceded a mark/goal, and somehow we'd lost the quarter. </p><p>This was the AFLW equivalent of the day we held Footscray to two points in the third quarter and <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+20+2015" target="_blank">still lost by 98</a>. That not only made the margin a respectable 15 points, but reopened the prospect of events with the rarity of Haley's Comet conspiring to beat us. Or we could kick the next 55 points unanswered. Which was nice.</p><p>You could be excused for feeling a little bad for the Eagles when they followed up an arguably heroic defensive effort by leaking a goal less than a minute after the restart. That must have been a touch deflating, because they curled up in a ball for protection and suffered two full quarters of one of the greatest bombardments in competition history. We've scored more twice this year, but neither with as many scoring shots. This was brutal. Unless they were in the shady, CIA interrogation centre style building at the right of screen I don't know where the bulk of the alleged 1200 crowd were hiding, but local fans deserved a medal for commitment. </p><p>Despite a level of domination and control that skirted the boundaries of legality, we went several minutes without a goal after Bannan entered 'on the verge of a bag' territory with her fourth. I was absolutely convinced that she was going to plow past Daisy's record and finish with about eight. Sadly not, but a pair of late goals carried the margin to 46. I'd have taken this as the final margin at half time, but now that rampage was in the air I went into full sicko mode and wanted us to kick 10 goals to nil.</p><p>Not surprisingly, players who'd just spent three quarters going full pelt in the heat were more open to energy conservation. In any other conditions it might have got really ugly, but at the same time this is a rare scenario where you can say "they'd have won by more if they kicked straighter". It doesn't work in a 50/50 game, but when it's almost certain the ball would have been back at our end seconds later it could have turned into a conveyor belt of carnage.</p><p>In the conditions, I don't hold it against the players for running the clock down in Harlem Globetrotters mode, turning the endless stream of marks inside 50 into an excuse to chip the ball to players in better positions while Eagles defenders trailed behind with their tongues hanging out like neckties, begging for mercy. When Mithen set up Hore's first, the opposition must have seen their life flash before their eyes. We got two more, including Bannan's fifth, but spent the last few minutes gleefully spraying shots like a training session. One day they'll be better than us, but the good news is I'll probably have carked it from old age first.</p><p>Like letting the kids occasionally beat you at video games, we tried to encourage them to score something by finishing with Gillard and Birch on the bench. Didn't help, but I expect our coaching group to be jointly nominated for the AFL Community Award for effort. </p><p>Bannan should have kicked for a club record-breaking sixth after the siren, but hit the deck with what thankfully turned out to be cramp and donated the shot to her captain's leading goalkicker campaign. I'm not sure cramp counts as an injury that you can decline a set shot for, especially when you not only stay on the ground, but stand practically next to the person kicking it. Even if you're not doing the old <a href="https://youtu.be/o6QBCKuT6LE?t=91" target="_blank">James Manson scam</a>, try this in a close game and see what happens.</p><p>Hore missed anyway, probably because she looked over at Banno during the run-up and thought "what are you doing here?" That made it an even 70 points, and a warmer than usual chapter in our glittering history of thumping those less fortunate than us. Which is great, but unless it ends in beating good sides you're basically Geelong 2012-2021. </p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ4E50pdwvNZ8uk4fBNVPnW-_478TBR2DB-3MKyIR9uR1Xhp8Gm89mZZrku1LZKb1iDxRPLCl0_gamlzGcW6LrZz9sssbu0XCm5cJHigrvTlZq8wfYin2LOA-RhhULFxhDZG_eCQJU3AnIuP-m8UogFmCsBLOgzXKwV2NvtkutxlKU92oh9AYwcms_ABU/s725/schmook.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="142" data-original-width="725" height="79" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ4E50pdwvNZ8uk4fBNVPnW-_478TBR2DB-3MKyIR9uR1Xhp8Gm89mZZrku1LZKb1iDxRPLCl0_gamlzGcW6LrZz9sssbu0XCm5cJHigrvTlZq8wfYin2LOA-RhhULFxhDZG_eCQJU3AnIuP-m8UogFmCsBLOgzXKwV2NvtkutxlKU92oh9AYwcms_ABU/w400-h79/schmook.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>Obviously the West Coast coach is not a believer in a) learning from the best, or b) retaining his dignity, because he had a very enjoyable post-match sook about having to play us. <p></p><p>It can't be easy going into a game knowing you'll be thrashed (and didn't the bold, scrolling NO WINS graphic on Saturday night give me nightmare flashbacks to the Mark Neeld era) but forget the first half noble effort of an outmatched side that's won seven games in five seasons, the real enemy is fixturing.</p><p></p>Please appreciate the gentle and patient way author Nathan Schmook <a href="https://www.afl.com.au/aflw/news/1054198/i-dont-understand-that-west-coast-eagles-coach-michael-prior-slams-aflw-fixture" target="_blank">highlights</a> the false claims about where the Eagles finished last season. If Tom Morris can bounce back from scandal to win an AFL media award, Nathan should be commended for not printing the quote verbatim then adding <i>*Arrested Development voiceover* They finished third last. </i><div><br /></div><div>Since then the coach has '<a href="https://www.afl.com.au/aflw/news/1054762/west-coast-eagles-coach-michael-prior-addresses-unacceptable-post-match-comments" target="_blank">apologised</a>' (with a hint of kicking and/or screaming), but like us morally deserving the 2013 wooden spoon because we only beat GWS, I can see why he feels like they finished last. The only worse sides were expansion clubs put together in more haphazard fashion than the Brisbane Bears, but even if we all know it's farcical to only play 10 of 17 teams in a season that's life. Also, not sure what his excuse is for the season to date when they've played 12th, 9th, 14th, 18th, 17th and 11th until now. They've got Adelaide in the last round, and god help them with that, but have otherwise practically played a second division draw and are still shite.<p>I'm not sure what degree of assistance you can give to a regionally isolated team, in a still semi-professional competition, when the other local side is no good either, but if a men's team played like this across five years they'd be allowed to appoint their own umpires. They should get something, but not having to play the premier is kooky. Alternatively, I volunteer we play all the bottom sides next year in the name of equality.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Alyssa Bannan<br />4 - Blathin Mackin<br />3 - Olivia Purcell<br />2 - Eliza West<br />1 - Kate Hore</p><p>Apologies to Hanks, Goldrick, Mithen, A. Mackin, Campbell, and Watt.</p><p><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>There's still a maximum 35 votes to play for so nobody's eliminated yet, and minimal votes for the big hitters this week leaves the door slightly open for a come-from-behind win for the ages. I've decided to consider Original Recipe Mackin a defender, so she's into the lead in that award.</p><p>23 - Tyla Hanks<br />19 - Kate Hore<br />11 - Eden Zanker<br />9 - Olivia Purcell<br />7 - Blathin Mackin (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Shelley Heath<br />6 - Eliza West<br />5 - Alyssa Bannan<br />4 - Tayla Harris<br />3 - Sinead Goldrick, Sarah Lampard, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)<br />2 - Tahlia Gillard<br />1 - Paxy Paxman</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />It's got to be the long-awaited Goal I by Mackin II, as good a crumb from close range as you're going to get. Does not dislodge anybody from the overall leaderboard.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>Dismantling the league's jabronis brick-by-brick is very good, but contrary to what Michael Prior may think all the good teams get a go at doing it. That leaves us taking on North Melbourne and their even more astronomical percentage from one spot lower on the ladder. In a rare case of 'trying to get people to attend' we're back at Princes Park in prime time on Saturday night, and we'd want to be getting several of the injured players back for the occasion. The stand-ins did perfectly well this week, but I'll have one Harris, Paxman, Gay and Pearce combination with the lot thanks. However they do it, either Campbell or Watt should remain so Harris can maraud the forward line all night.</p><p>After Adelaide I don't know if we're going to win against the top teams, but am sure that it will be a significantly better contest than this was.</p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />I don't know if we learned anything important from this. May as well leave the tapes in the sun to melt and turn focus to the veritable shitload of important games that follow.</p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-6219018762840975562023-10-08T04:17:00.000+11:002023-10-08T04:17:12.323+11:00Clock stops at 14<p>When I mostly seriously claimed the AFL would react to our winning streak by breaking the side up like a corporate monopoly, I didn't expect the first step to involve brainwashing the Paxman family pooch into assassinating its owner. Our first canine related tragedy since one chowed down on <a href="https://au.sports.yahoo.com/pictured-dog-bite-wound-put-petracca-hospital-221156575.html?guccounter=1&guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAKw-7n2_14p1Myuy5CN-HBMCoBO1EUwp1csnKW4k0_I71pa7joIfx8sfWIJ5o8ftw6_VyUsmnRHUZA7rDidgdAGB93KXX7hbhgSu0P7nscY-NRkUxziRPzRTYYQuO6txklRF68OQpAYr-Q68QQUzxCRkk1MxcLkfdWUb22m6MehN" target="_blank">Christian Petracca's hand</a> saw Paxy disappear into Concussion Protocol Land, but when we reached quarter time without conceding a score to the only other undefeated side I was willing to pardon Double Agent Dog instead of turning it into an actual <a href="https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/524387950332826044/" target="_blank">Manchurian Candidate</a>.</p><p>Our scoring had slowed to 'playing the good teams' level, but Adelaide's attacks were being smashed back like Roger Federer returning serve from a child and I made the mistake of thinking we might have been worthy of the premature 'can anyone beat them?' chat last week. You can take one of our stars out but the rest will make up for it etc.. etc.. Then we didn't score again until the last seconds of the third quarter, leaving a miracle comeback required to keep our record breaking winning streak alive. </p><p>It nearly happened, but while the greatest run since Debbie Flintoff-King is over, rejoice at the Melbourne Football Club holding a league record that isn't men losing by between 186 and 190. Now the positive side of the ledger is Fred Fanning plundering hapless opposition for 18 goals, Jim Stynes playing 244 in a row, the record AFLW winning streak and not much else.</p><p>After taking a week off from whinging about how the competition is run, can anyone explain how a match between powerhouse sides that were almost certain to be at the top of the ladder when the fixture was done ends up on Foxtel at 3.05pm on a Saturday, with free to air snoozefests like GWS/West Coast and Port/Sydney on either side?. They've already reduced the chance of roping in neutrals by broadcasting on a secondary channel, showing games between Flotsam and Jetsam is waving the white flag. </p><p>While you had to be an enthusiast to know where this marquee game was on, the reward for tuning in was a guest commentator who just caught herself at the last minute to say she was "bloody" excited to be there, and Andrew Krakoeur's randomly appearing punditry opening the door for everyone between The Spencil and Tim Ruffles to appear next. Other than the boundary rider, none of these callers were shown at the ground, so the reference to one of them 'wearing a puffer jacket in the commentary box' might have been a swizz. Either that or somebody left the air con up at Fox Footy HQ where they were watching on monitors.</p><p>There's an argument that you don't really need the commentators to be at the ground, and indeed some need to be taken as far away as possible then left there, but if your only live attendee is at ground level and everyone else is relying on what they're seeing on monitors you're going to miss important stuff that happens off the ball. Maybe I was out of the room when they showed them in a clearly identifiable as Casey commentary box but it all seemed a bit stagey to me. Even the crosses to the boundary rider felt like they were making an international phone call.</p><p>By anyone's estimation last year's Grand Final was not a classic spectacle. Very enjoyable, even at a game with a random brick wall perilously close to the boundary line, but not a sparkling example of the code. This would have rated lower than 10 pin bowling repeats featuring Cara Honeychurch but was much better suited to a final. It had the required top team level of players trying to tear each other from limb to limb, but with scoring, dramatic momentum swings, injuries, and umpires absolutely making it up as they went.</p><p>I went on a streak high, knowing that this was going to be the biggest challenge of the year but believing we'd carry from the unprecedented dual victories over the Crows last season. We scored 44 and 48 in those wins and split the difference with 46 here, but the difference was not keeping them to a score in the 20s again. It didn't look like it would matter in the opening minutes. We pelted out of the middle for Zanker to mark and goal in the opening seconds, and after clattering her next shot into the post with force she ran onto a loose ball to soccer home the second.</p><p>This was very good, Adelaide were getting the ball forward but we defended our arse off. At this stage I'd have refused to believe we'd spend the next three quarters toiling mercilessly to clear the ball whenever it went down their end. For now everything looked easy, to the point where even Sinead Goldrick (36 games, 0 goals) was having set shots. I knew we wouldn't hold them out all day, but reaching quarter time 16-0 up was a great sign. In one of the most niche stats ever we lost four of the first five games where the opposition was held scoreless in the opening quarter, but had completed the job the last 10 times. Across several categories, all good things must come to an end.</p><p>A risky <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1710511833336164503" target="_blank">tweet</a> suggesting the league would start stripping us of players mid-match looked shithouse about 20 minutes later, but the idea is still valid. After a year and a quarter break we went back to being bullied by Adelaide, and could conceivably to either Brisbane or North but most of our fringe players would walk into any team from 5-18 on the ladder. </p><p>It took until midway through the third quarter for things to go absolutely tits up, but the tone of things changed from the start of the second. On a day where Casey Fields didn't turn up the traditional hurricane force winds it may as well have for all the luck we were having getting the ball down our end and scoring. Spoiler alert - Zanker played the best key forward game in club history, but every other avenue to goal was shut like Fort Knox. It's good fun ripping bad teams apart but the difference in this game was crumb, and we had nil. Other than Zanker we practically didn't have a forward line. McNamara dropped in from the midfield for two goals but otherwise they had us covered. Bannan and Sherriff didn't go near it, Harris/Pearce were about as successful a ruck/forward duo as Gawn/Grundy, and other than Eliza, nobody else looked like it. At last it was officially a case of 'you can't play XYZ every week'</p><p>You can't blame injuries when you're less than a goal behind with three minutes to go, but we did have a shithouse run. Aimee Mackin's promising start came to a halt both due to competent opposition and an ankle injury, Pearce looked to have done a shoulder/wrist/both at one point, Heath ended the game with a splattered nose, Harris came up sore from a contest, and only now do I find out that Goldrick finished the game on the bench injured too. Still could have won if not for trying to climb out of a cavernous ditch in the last quarter.</p><p>It took a few minutes for them to finally capitalise on keeping the ball at their end, then we let in another one not long after. In the first quarter our backline kept them at bay, this time their forwards and midfielders did most of the work. The only enjoyable bits were the brief teases of all-out street fighting between Libby Birch and the player with surname and hair inspired by Clive Waterhouse. Professionalism, and not wanting to miss the majority of a short season, stopped them from engaging in hand-to-hand combat. Forget Tayla Harris having regulated boxing matches, I want to see them settle things in Ramsgate Hotel fashion.</p><p>Clive's point on the siren wiped out our first quarter advantage, but with scores to the left of screen standing at 32-0 I didn't think it was over yet. Adelaide thought otherwise, banging on four goals in a row. I don't know if we had the forward line to take advantage anyway. What happened in the last quarter makes you wonder if it would have mattered, Zanker might have kicked nine if they'd got the ball to her enough at the top of the square. For now she was left wandering up the ground to get a touch while the Crows did as they pleased. Even the wacky bounces were going their way, with Heath being done like a dinner by one in front of goal that would have otherwise been easily rushed through for a point. It was that sort of day.</p><p>I'd like to return ASAP to playing a second ruck so Harris can go forward and stay there. She's a better ruck than Campbell (and maybe Rhi Watt, who is on her way to becoming the only player ever to serve in a leadership group without playing a single game for the club) but means basically sacrificing centre half-forward, and with the number of panicky, tumble kicks that go down there contested marking ability is important. </p><p>I've got plenty of confidence and trust in this team, but the idea of coming back from 25 points down at three quarter time was absolutely fanciful. Enter McNamara, who kept things interesting in the dying seconds, with our first score since late in the first term. It was unbelievably against the run of play but unlocked the possibility of a last quarter comeback. That or going a 15th game in a row without conceding a goal in the last term but still losing. We got none of the above, but not without a massive bash at one of the great heists.</p><p>Goldrick had been very good in defence early before getting wiped out with everyone else but I enjoyed her being thrown into the middle to start the final term. It weakened our defence but that didn't count for much if we couldn't score. Percentage might become important for securing a home final but I'd rather risk losing by six goals here than not trying to win. And that we did, with Zanker getting EZ3 after marking in the square in under a minute. </p><p>When she got a fourth soon after the great escape was definitely on. With most of the quarter left the margin was under two goals, with plenty of time left to run over the top. Alas, we may have run the game out better but Adelaide hanging on in the last quarter is a lot different to the sides who need the mercy rule invoked five minutes after the restart.</p><p>Even with our one dimensional forward line I could see us finding the goals to win, as long as half the quarter wasn't wasted fruitlessly trying to get the ball away from their goal for more than 20 seconds at a time. And wouldn't you know what happened next, ending in the Crows doing what nobody else (including them in a final) could and putting up a goal against us in the last quarter. It (seemingly) killed the game, but giving it away from a downfield free kick via Harris trying to kill somebody made you feel a little bit better. Like it was a moral victory in our favour that we still hadn't let a real goal in. </p><p>The moral victory didn't the quarter, but that goal barely survived a minute before McNamara's second left us back where we'd started. Then Zanker grabbed a share of the D. Pearce/Hore club goalkicking record, and we were less than a kick behind. I was right into the idea of her winning it with a sixth. Probably because it was the only realistic option. It would have been a good time for somebody to pluck one from thin air, but there wasn't going to be any Bannan out the back specials. In the end it wasn't anything, and the Crows did a fine job not only holding on but getting a real life, fully earned fourth quarter goal against us. You can argue that we were pushing so hard for a winner that it was the equivalent of an empty net goal in ice hockey but that's nothing more than a coping strategy.</p><p>Anything can happen, but on a day where our disposal efficiency coincidentally went into the toilet just as quality opponents turned up I knew it wasn't going to happen the moment they got the ball at their end. On a day where the umpires were doing really weird shit (e.g. Bannan being pinged holding the ball after 'marking' a touched ball, Goldrick being done for a bullshit 'dangerous' tackle that would have given her another shot at goal) I was hoping we'd blunder the ball down there somehow and win it via a howler of a decision. It never got close, and after giving up a goal earlier from a silly 50 metre penalty the Crows weren't going to do anything stupid like that again.</p><p>As they say in the classics...</p><img border="0" data-original-height="480" data-original-width="640" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgWfDrXSuN5MWihJsTgwsGbnk3r0FxOJl5s2UQqgGll419OgI0Hlf6auXVc2mv2lyqhGgedkRWMTTCDZRoQ2jRKiebYAAGsZKonAP0Q2dmHE8eXcawnptCBtbdZ7AItzmvFHDZWqk4tdZCgwgO0bzcNRRIbtQENWHY6CvKoty1zFTAeKdI2WA2dn1aruhs/s320/764378.jpg" width="320" /><br /><p>As I politely cracked the shits at full time my daughter assured me that everything will be ok because <i>Dance Moms </i>also won 14 in a row before losing. The only thing I know about that show, other than letting a nine-year-old watch it makes me a terrible parent, is that the boss eventually landed in jail so that's something for Mick Stinear to think about.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Eden Zanker<br />4 - Tyla Hanks<br />3 - Sinead Goldrick<br />--- Distance ---<br />2 - Olivia Purcell<br />--- More distance ---<br />1 - Eliza West</p><p>Apologies to Nil</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br />Let this be a lesson that the bulk possessions midfielder will always win in the end. Major interest elsewhere is Goldrick drawing level with Lampard in the defender race. </p><p>23 - Tyla Hanks<br />18 - Kate Hore<br />11 - Eden Zanker<br />7 - Shelley Heath<br />6 - Olivia Purcell<br />4 - Tayla Harris, Eliza West<br />3 - Sinead Goldrick (JOINT LEADER: Defender of the Year), Sarah Lampard (JOINT LEADER: Defender of the Year), Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)<br />2 - Tahlia Gillard<br />1 - Paxy Paxman</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />The Zanker soccer job in the first quarter was good, but for execution and context combined it's McNamara in the dying seconds of the third. No change to the season leaderboard.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>You might not be able to play strugglers every week, but there's enough of them to make it a regular thing. On paper there's no way to lose to West Coast, who have the worst percentage in the league, nearly 300 points less than us for the season, and trail 21 goals to one in meetings between the sides. You never know, but deep down you do. Unless Paxman's dog is in charge of catering on the flight over there's no scenario where I can see us going down the biggest upset defeat in competition history.</p><p>Near certain victory is no excuse to get cute with team selection, if that's even possible with our paper-thin list. Paxman obviously comes back, and is hopefully joined by one of the rucks but otherwise there's not a lot in reserve. I'd do Chaplin for Colvin but either is going to stand around twiddling their thumbs for four quarters while the action is at the other end. </p><p>Mackin II could be due a rest but remaining options Fowler, Gall, Ivey, Johnson, Taylor, Watt and Wilson have three career goals between them so may as well leave that end of the ground alone and hope that Hore rediscovers bloodlust from tonking what barely qualifies as second division opposition. After that we've got a cow of a run home so enjoy the free-wheeling scoreboard shenanigans while they last.</p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />This leaves us in a similar spot to last week. An almost certain double chance is highly likely to lead to a Preliminary Final at the very least, but with zero guarantee of repeat flag. Other than the residual sadness at a great winning run ending I'm not too distressed, but upcoming games against Brisbane and North will give us a better clue about where the season is going to end.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-54279051161375507462023-10-02T11:00:00.002+11:002023-10-03T10:38:21.381+11:00The all star action attraction somebody's gonna end up in traction faction<p>There was a moment during the last quarter of the Melbourne Football Club's easiest senior level win at Kardinia Park since the 1970s where I achieved a level of sporting arrogance not seen since deep into the last quarter of 25/09/2021. </p><p>After a competitive start, the Cats had melted like everybody else we've played in the last year, but late in the game they were streaming into the forward 50 with free players everywhere and looked like ruining the much-loved since finding out about it two weeks ago streak of not conceding in the last quarter. They blew it in slapstick fashion, and maybe because all the misery I'd suppressed at the end of the Carlton game was about to pour out (NB: it hit me like a train when I reluctantly tuned in midway through the first quarter on Saturday) this seemed like the funniest thing ever to happen at an AFL venue. </p><p>On reflection it had nothing on Gerald Healy mispronouncing Gold Coast, Hawthorn holding a goalkicking competition for recovering drug addicts, the MCG cleaner point-blank refusing to clean a kid's spew off the Ponsford Stand, or any number of hilarious on-field fiascos but at the time I needed a good news story, and completing a 14th consecutive win without conceding a goal in the last quarter was the nearest thing that was going to happen over that weekend.</p><p>This magical run - that we've been so invested in since finding about it two weeks ago - could easily come to an end next week, even if we do win, but as far as I'm concerned it's up there with great feats of the code. You can discredit some of the 14 due to the opposition being pus but there were three finals in the mix so I'll have it on the top shelf of achievements thanks. It's being built up so much now that even if we go through the season undefeated (which, let's not get sidetracked here, is not impossible but unlikely), carry the streak into the Grand Final, and concede one on the siren while 45 points up there will be a slight element of sadness.</p><p>I'm not one to count chickens pre-hatch, especially before playing the next best team in the competition, but this was a welcome reminder of how good our side is. Like everyone else in the league our depth is so thin that a few injuries could throw the whole plan out the window, but this side is living through their imperial phase. Here's to stretching it out until the end of the year before the AFL starts kidnapping players and forcing them to play in strange places like Blacktown and Frankston. </p><p>It's easy to forget in Round 1 we went into half-time barely clinging on against Collingwood, because since then there cannot have been a more entertaining team in eight seasons of this competition. I can understand even AFLW-friendly neutrals avoiding many of the games involving sides outside the top eight, but for pure footballing enjoyment you'd be made to watch anyone else. </p><p>This was our biggest test since the opening round, finally playing Geelong five and a bit seasons after they entered the competition and just after getting their act together. Throw in a decent local crowd due to the upcoming public holiday, our soft-lead in, and the realisation that we've become <i>the </i>giant to be slayed in this league and I was a bit edgy about this. Not quite 'red alert' territory, but maybe a dark orange. After nothing short of an extinction level event could have stopped us last week, this was a return to "anything can happen" territory.</p><p>For a game where Kate Hore ended up outscoring them single-handedly, Geelong did look dangerous at the start. We've chased a couple of teams during the golden era but I didn't fancy it here, especially without Harris marauding around CHF clattering into people. She'd needed to have changed ends to get a kick in the opening minutes, the ball was stuck down their end, with the unlikely defensive pairing of Goldrick and McNamara repeatedly relieving the ball from 30 metres out. The dam walls look to have finally broken when they kicked the first, only for it to be reversed for a push in the back. Sucked in.</p><p>And double sucked in when our "can't play [insert massive list of shit teams here]" doubts were erased by the a goal from the worst free of all time. A defender certainly did hold onto Paxman without the ball, but only because it had been dropped during the initial tackle. There was no sling, no UFC-style slam into the ground, and if it happened to us I'd be cracking the shits. Geelong didn't get the opportunity to sook for long, because straight out of the middle Pearce was marking, having a flashback to missing from the square against Adelaide last year, and dishing it off to a passing Hore for the second.</p><p>So, while I'm sure class would have won out in the end, you can't help but feel sorry for them doing everything but kick goals for half a quarter, then going two goals down after a woeful free. Could have stopped the warp speed centre clearance that led to the second one I suppose. Their problem was wasting so much time nearly kicking goals that they went within a few seconds of an unlucky/negligent (delete as applicable) scoreless quarter. A late goal reduced the margin to seven, which was a far more accurate picture of where the game was at.</p><p>Geelong was both wasteful and unlucky again at the start of the second, with more unrewarded pressure and Goldrick doing the most incorrect disposal possible before we counter-attacked for a third. I can understand why the Cats - featuring three of our old players in the hope that something will rub off - will make finals, and maybe beat one of the 5-8 teams in the first week, but are no chance of a surprise run at the flag. They were ok, and will be better in the future, but we're in charge at the moment.</p><p>I was ok with being challenged, it's fun to pulverise the needy but finals aren't won by freewheeling rampage. It even seemed like a good thing when the player who no longer has a massive 80s style perm kicked a goal to keep it interesting. They may have lost that half of Kardinia Vice, but do still have a player called Crockett-Gills who sounds like she should be arresting people on a speedboat. </p><p>The comeback didn't last long. To prove everything was going our way Heath flubbed a set shot that fell into Sherriff's arms in the pocket. She missed but it didn't take long to get the party started again. Enter Kate Hore, fresh from a random TV ad flogging booze on a couch with subject matter expert Mark Robinson, for her third. She might have had another straight after, but a ballistic kick out of the middle by Hanks arrived so quickly that it bounced off her. Then one rebound 50 later she could have had another shot but tried to be captainly and share it. </p><p>I wouldn't trust these umpires to judge pies at the Whittlesea Fair but if Hore plays the whole season and doesn't finish amongst the top players in the league B&F then they should all be relieved of their duties. Her only danger is being pushed out by Hanks, who put forward her medal credentials at the start of the third quarter by nailing the ex-perm wearer holding the ball in front of goal.</p><p>Things were going very well for us now, but the suggestion that the AFLW should be evacuating players from Ireland on charter flights was furthered by Geelong's full forward pulling down a big contested mark for her third. We've taken a Moloney from them before and I'd be keen on doing it again as part of our ongoing project to create the biggest Irish diaspora since America in the 1800s. Our contingent weren't as rampant against sensible opposition but still had some nice moments, including Aimee Mackin being rorted out of her first career goal by being ignored while running into the 50 without an opponent in sight.</p><p>The margin was only 15 but it was hard to justify getting worried about the Cats launching a comeback. Still, after 10 minutes without a goal I wasn't arguing with Paxman's bouncing one right into Zanker's path for a tap-in from the square. That left us 22 in front at the last change, and surely to god we weren't going to suddenly concede four without reply so once Gay celebrated her 50th game with a goal all the focus turned to shutout watch.</p><p>Our best chance of stopping them scoring was to keep the ball at our end, including Paxman booting a tremendous set shot from the boundary line. I didn't think much of the "can anyone beat them?" talk on commentary, because history has shown the answer is almost always yes, but did enjoy the "this is over, start scanning the crowd for celebrities" shot of Daisy Pearce trying to look neutral as old employer thumped new employer.</p><p>As we ran the score beyond 70 I started to think how good it would be if the team that used to kick weird scores like 1.9 ended the year with a better scoring average than the men. With several good teams yet to play it would be a stretch to reach the required 88.12, but in five games we've already covered entire seven game seasons from the early years of the comp and all nine games of the 2021 H&A season. Longer games etc... etc... but I defy you to think back to some of our forward lines and wonder if they'd have scored at this rate if quarters went for an hour.</p><p>Once they'd comically botched their best chance for the quarter the only thing I wanted more than everyone getting to the final siren uninjured was for Mackin II to get Goal I but the wait continues. Hore teased another five goal haul but you can forgive her missing a set shot after darting from one end of the ground to the other for four quarters. A 49 point margin was a little bit unfair, especially when they had to stand around watching their former B&F Purcell plucking disposals left, right and centre, but that's life. The tide will eventually turn on us but here's hoping it will take a long time.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes<br /></b>5 - Kate Hore<br />4 - Olivia Purcell<br />3 - Eden Zanker<br />2 - Eliza West<br />1 - Paxy Paxman</p><p>Apologies to Goldrick, McNamara, Hanks and Pearce.</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br />When one stops the other takes over, and the greatest two-horse race of all time continues. No change in the minor awards.</p><p>19 - Tyla Hanks<br />18 - Kate Hore<br />7 - Shelley Heath<br />6 - Eden Zanker<br />4 - Tayla Harris, Olivia Purcell<br />3 - Sarah Lampard (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year), Eliza West<br />2 - Tahlia Gillard<br />1 - Paxy Paxman</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />I'm going wild declaring things to be the best ever at the moment, but Paxman's set shot in the last quarter is surely better than any we've ever done in this competition before? Obviously she wins the week, but has to be content with second place on the season leaderboard. </p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Paxy Paxman (Q4) vs Geelong<br />3rd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>It gets spicy on Saturday afternoon against the Crows at Casey. Our percentage is 300, theirs is 260, but time to get serious against proper opposition. We should get Harris back from injury, but I regret to say that the successful return of Colvin to defence probably means elite off-field celebrator Maeve Chaplin will miss again. Hopefully the conditions on Mt. Variable Weather don't wreck the quality of this game because it should be played like a final. Unlike all the finals against Adelaide until the last one I'd like to think we'll win, but will be generous and say they'll ruin the streak by kicking a goal in the final term. </p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />Now that the Trump people have won the men's competition we can write that season off as a bad memory and go all-in on winning this version of the flag. </p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-60528967087938856572023-09-23T21:36:00.005+10:002023-09-23T21:36:53.243+10:00Solar eclipse<p>During the week we found out that the AFLW season will eventually be extended to 14 rounds if they draw average crowds of 6000 and a TV audience of 100,000. When the very next game was played at 5.05pm Friday, at a ground where you couldn't see anything to the right of screen for three quarters because of sun, it became obvious that nobody involved thinks those conditions will be met, and they just included it to generated feelgood factor.</p><p>The more pressing issue at the moment is that half the competition is absolute slop, but with (relatively) hefty pay increases for players that's more likely to be resolved by 2027 than finding a spot on the calendar where these games have any chance of hitting both targets. If they really want to do it then look out for rorts like playing double headers with men's finals and claiming crowds of 90,000, but it's more likely the season tops out at 12 games from 2025 and the negligent parents in charge of the league pretend somebody else is to blame. </p><p>You can argue the merits of season length until the cows come home, and if there's ever a time to play once against everybody before finals this is it, but I'm interested to see whether they'll jam the extra two weeks in at the start or end of the season. You're either going up against the 18 team suffocation of the last two weeks of the men's home and away season, or dragging it out until mid-December.</p><p>Whichever path they take, you're never going to get a clear run in the weeks that coincide with the men's finals. Here's an Eddie McGuire style <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1652988134463012864" target="_blank">radical plan</a>, don't play Friday night games in the QF/SF/PF weeks. Cramming the games into late afternoon timeslots does nobody any favours, reducing live attendance and burying the games so deep in the public consciousness that this game didn't even achieve the 20,000 required viewers to make the <a href="https://www.mediaweek.com.au/tv-ratings-september-22-2023-collingwood-are-off-to-the-grand-final-after-beating-giants-by-1-point/#:~:text=Overnight%20TV%20Ratings%2C%20September%2022&text=1%2C020%2C000%20tuned%20in%2C%20topping%20the,but%20was%20packed%20with%20features." target="_blank">top 20</a> subscription TV shows of the night. I know the extra viewers on Kayo make it almost certain more people were watching than an old episode of Highway Patrol but I flat out refuse to believe you wouldn't do better primetime Sunday or Monday. It's never going to draw the same as the men but give the competition half a chance. </p><p>That assumes anyone at the AFL really cares, when their commitment to the league's welfare has been on a par with the Red Cross vaulting a six-pack of nuggets into a disaster zone then putting out a press release explaining how great they are. Even this week, you've got all of Sunday free from men's games and have three Victorian teams playing at the exact same time, then a 5pm game from the Gold Coast which will be lucky to draw a crowd of 861.</p><p>It's good to play another round of SimCompetition, because I'm running out of ways to describe us tearing lesser sides apart limb-from-limb. Not conceding a last quarter goal for 13 consecutive games will seem like a glory era once we're challenged again, but for now almost (but not quite) feels wrong tormenting the less fortunate every week.</p><p>At least Hawthorn has the excuse of only recently joining the competition, and did their best to make life difficult for us. The problem is that it's not soccer, where you can go in outmatched, park the bus all game and hope for a smash 'n grab win. Class will almost always win in the end, and now that the games are longer I don't think playing 16 a side helps. Not sure there's another 36 players a week worthy of getting a game across the competition at the moment but they'd fill some of the space used for the good teams to easily romp through bad like Operation Desert Storm. </p><p>Ironically, for all the whinging about what a terrible timeslot this was being played in, the novelty value helped me get over my self-pitying misery of last week. It couldn't have been any further from either of the men's Preliminary Finals we missed due to a pair of tremendous cock-ups, helping the CTRL + ALT + DELETE style reset on my brain that will allow me to concentrate on AFLW from here instead. That was until it started and we found out that you couldn't tell what was going on at one end due to the sort of glare you'd get standing 10 metres from the face of the sun, and Fox Footy's attempted remedy of doing 300x zooming on the play.</p><p>I came into this about a minute before the bounce and was otherwise occupied at every quarter break so not sure if they ever mentioned Shae Sloane coaching. This was a great development opportunity but had a bit of "let's do this before we start playing the good teams" about it. My first thought was whether weird units like me are supposed to credit Sloane with a game coached, and until somebody tells me otherwise I'm inducting her as an <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Coaches" target="_blank">MFC senior coach</a>. I'm sure Sloane will get another go, either with us or somewhere else (and how many good seasons do we have to play before an assistant is swiped for a senior job elsewhere?) but otherwise it's got to be unique for somebody to play and coach exactly one game.</p><p>All the first quarter goals came at the end which didn't look like ground zero of a direct nuclear strike, but people who enjoy squinting were still looked after by Hawthorn getting a bunch of inside 50s. The problem was they had no dangerous forwards, so Gillard and Birch were picking off everything in the air, and Heath was calmly removing the ball at ground level like a training drill. And even the couple of set shots they got were brutally slaughtered so you could be almost sure who was going to win. We were upset a couple of times in the early years of the comp via kicking bullshit low scores (men's team - "ahh, there's an idea") but with longer games I can't see another time where we'll get 1.9 and still lose by under a kick.</p><p>I'm still not used to being nearly guaranteed winners. All these mismatches can't help the casual viewers, so no wonder people were more interesting in watching iced to the eyeballs tradies being pulled over by Highway Patrol. But as much as I wouldn't cross the road to watch Adelaide kick 106 points against GWS, there's no turning your back on an opportunity to watch an MFC side win by shitloads. Hawthorn didn't need umpires to help them lose so could feel a bit aggrevied that Pearce got away with a Jack Fitzpatrick style tunnelball from the opening bounce, and things didn't get much better for them from there. </p><p>They worked hard enough that you could imagine them being top competitors in a second division, but against us they were toast whenever the ball hit the ground, because it would soon be rocketing towards our goal at warp speed. After a bunch of misses in the early minutes, that's exactly how the party began, dashing out of defence, and working through cavernous holes in the midfield and backline, before a triple-banger handball sequence ended with Pearce in the square without a defender in the same postcode. Until watching the All The Goals video I'd forgotten that it took until the last five minutes for this to happen so Hawthorn deserve some credit for holding on as long as they did. </p><p>The second goal was either heartwarming or the biggest stitch-up of a debutant in years. Any suggestion that Aimee Mackin had been given her debut due to quality of opposition alone went out the window when she took to the first quarter like a natural. That's two sisters who have played senior games a month after arriving in the country and not looked remotely out of place, so if there's anybody else male, female, or otherwise in their family who's keen on having a go I suggest booking an entire flight to bring them all here. She was agonising close to a goal on debut after slipping out of a tackle and snapping around the corner, only for it to take a novelty bounce on the goalline... straight into the hands of her sister to convert instead. I doubt the Irish news will drop all regular programming to show this, but they should.</p><p>Who knows where Mackin II's career will go from here (hopefully towards a joint life premiership player life membership with Blaithin), recruiting 3/16ths of our team from overseas and teaching them all to play like naturals is a good advertisement for the mass-swiping of Irish talent. And Hawthorn's goal came from their Irish contingent, so they really are kidding themselves if this isn't front page news north and south of the border tomorrow. Just don't get into the other Ireland - Frankston - Hawthorn connection and remember the time Dermott Brereton was <a href="https://www.irishtimes.com/sport/brereton-a-man-for-the-big-game-1.239057" target="_blank">accused of</a> sending money to the IRA.</p><p>Even if recent history tells us that a two goal lead (or three if you prefer) means sod all, I was pretty sure that we'd be ok, even kicking to the Manhattan Project End. Here's action footage of the second goal on its way through, via the director wildly cutting between cameras as it was passed to Kate Hore because they had NFI where the ball was going once airborne.</p><img border="0" data-original-height="423" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhdEqO4_l_6jGB94zEYXWUTAjWsy4utBGvI_r1PvuQo0HWEiBeNCN2MzXvqyqfJO3ezpQMIR9UBA18lZyC9E6T5YYehPutNN5NxRkTGjc7lec2d8gmQPSmAxndNI6vF2w_JSKJnmBUosUPWwPbVyYKN1-KWVORIv607Cf5TXwp_FCOXD9RmBfnV_FmhR6w/s16000/actionfootage.jpg" /><br /><p>It was a bit farcical but didn't stop us from booting more. As Casey Sherriff went down with the AFLW Worse Than It Looked Injury Scare Of The Week, the previous titleholder Bannan found a way to take the sun out of the equation by storming into an open goal with nobody near her. Fans of MackinMania will note that it came from Aimee's perfect pass. Helps that you could have driven Fairstar The Fun Ship through the gaps in Hawthorn's defence, but I've seen worse kicks to more open players by people who have played the game for years. </p><p>The procession mode button was hit after half time, with Tyla Hanks running around the midfield like Gary Ablett Jr. and more free players than we knew what to do with. Luck was no longer required but it kept coming, like McNamara's set shot veering right at the last minute as if remotely controlled, before her surgically repaired back was tested by a bearhug in the celebrations.</p><p>We'll never beat keeping West Coast <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2022/10/business-as-usual.html" target="_blank">to a point</a> last year, but I was still hopeful of getting to the end of this without conceding a goal. That went out the window in novelty fashion when Bannan accidentally kicked the ball over the line after mysteriously finding herself at the wrong end. It went down as a charitable donation before being wiped out multiple times over in the next few minutes. Zanker went bang x3, and for all the other nonsense being spoken on commentary I'm upset nobody did a "She's on Fire!" NBA Jam reference. Or, if I'm risking cancellation again, "They/Them's On Fire!" Either way, somebody scoring three in a row absolutely demands 'on fire' getting mentioned in some format.</p><p>Zanker's third said all you needed to know about our ruthlessness. Pearce was enjoying a night mostly off in the forward line and chased to put on a smother that nobody would have complained about if she let it go, then gathered and dropped it on Zanker in the square. This, and Libby Birch trying to fight half Hawthorn's side singlehandedly, is everything you could ask for in a team.</p><p>By the last quarter the sun had finally gone and viewers could easily concentrate on us trying to pile up as big a score as possible. When Hore got her second in the opening minute I had visions of a triple figure romp, but things went into a holding pattern from there. Harris marked one at a range she couldn't miss from, and played on just in case, but that was it. </p><p>All the action was - for the first time all night - at the other end, and the question of whether Hawthorn could kick a second goal. Discovering via last week's post that we hadn't conceded a last quarter goal in any of the 12 wins was the highlight of my September. So even though this game had been over for three quarters I was still heavily over-invested in keeping that streak alive. There was a scare with one set shot from 30 metres out directly in front but it failed to score and they got nil for the quarter. </p><p>This is the eighth time since the start of last season we've kept opposition to 0.0 in the fourth, so it's not all about the extended quarters but they're doing their bit this year. They had a chance in the dying seconds, but time ran out before a player who looked like she was about to die from exhaustion could get rid of it, and by the look on her face it was lucky that ball even contacted boot.</p><p>I'm getting greedy and would enjoyed piling on a few more goals, but when it's got to the stage of being semi upset about kicking 10.10 and holding the opposition to a score of 11 you know things are going well.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Tyla Hanks<br />4 - Shelley Heath<br />3 - Eden Zanker<br />2 - Tahlia Gillard<br />1 - Eliza West</p><p>Apologies to Hore, Sherriff, Purcell, Harris, and Birch</p><p><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>This week we've got a different H in partnership with Hanks, giving Tyla the all-important break that extends the lead to more than a full BOG. No other alterations to the overall picture, except for breaking the logjam of players on three.</p><p>19 - Tyla Hanks<br />13 - Kate Hore<br />7 - Shelley Heath<br />4 - Tayla Harris<br />3 - Sarah Lampard (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year), Eden Zanker<br />2 - Tahlia Gillard<br />1 - Eliza West</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />The accidental Mackin family goal was good but comedy value can only be counted if it helps win a game in hilarious fashion. Due to almost all our goals coming from set shots I'm going to pick Bannan motoring into goal as the weekly winner, with no impact on the season leaderboard.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br />3rd - Shelley Heath (Q4) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>There's only one way to follow a first game against 2022 competition entrants, and that's by playing... err... 2019 competition entrants. Yes, all these years later it's Geelong at last, coinciding with them (seemingly) being good and having a shitload of our old players. On paper we should get our strongest challenge since the first half against Collingwood but I'd still think our record stacks up against them comfortably beating 3x dregs and losing to North. And if you thought 5.05pm Friday was a weird time, what about 6.15pm Thursday? It's the only game I'll be getting excited about next weekend, everyone else can GAGF.</p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />I'm sure this won't rank amongst the top 100 beatings in Frankston this weekend but it was exactly what we needed it to be at this stage of the season. On to the big ones.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-17707952910627818722023-09-21T10:37:00.003+10:002023-09-21T10:37:36.663+10:00Emergency Broadcast System<p><i>We already covered my guilt over letting my angst at men's results cloud my experience of watching the women <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2023/09/its-five-oclock-somewhere.html" target="_blank">last week</a>, but you can double/triple/multiple by infinity when we had a game less than 24 hours after 10 months of emotional commitment was nuked in the blink of an eye <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2023/09/down-two-then-left.html" target="_blank">on Friday night</a>. I could have done without football, and perhaps sports in general, for a long time but am so drawn to anything with MFC written on it that I powered through the sweat-heavy drench of misery to back up the next day.</i></p><p><i>Thanks then to MFCW enthusiast Craig T for stepping in with a surprise guest report. Welcome to the family Craig, and over to you. I'll be back in the italics, then permanently from the leaderboard section onwards.</i></p><p>I'll start by saying that a team must be doing reasonably well, or my expectations are too high, when you walk away somewhat disappointed by a 42 point win. But as I trudged through the Casey Fields car park on my way to the 897 bus stop outside that's exactly how I felt.</p><p>My main disappointment was allowing the Dogs to score as freely as they did for the first three quarters. I've become accustomed to this team being incredibly stingy (last season we were, on points conceded per game, the best team in AFLW history), but there they were sitting on 41 points at three quarter time. Perhaps I need to put that into perspective - two goals came (one directly/one indirectly) from dropped marks, including one from the usually highly reliable Tahlia Gillard. Another was, how shall I put it politely.... "arsey", as Kirsty Lamb picked the ball up a fair way out on the boundary, went bang in the general direction of goal without looking, only to see it sail through. And another followed a textbook holding the ball/incorrect disposal that wasn't paid. Maybe it was my Demon Bias coming through, but we seemed to be getting a hell of a bad run with the bounce of the ball.</p><p>Despite these irritating goals, I always had the feeling we'd eventually pull away, which of course we did in the last quarter <i>(Current fourth quarter record for 2023, including practice games- 20.12 to 0.5. Ouch)</i>. We just had too many avenues to goal for them to cover, the loss of Alyssa Bannan to injury and their fortunate forward success notwithstanding. Two goals each to Gay, Mithen, and Paxman, none usually known for their scoring power, underlined our offensive capacity.</p><p>The worst moment of the match was when Bannan went down in front of goal when tackled while snapping. Amidst the tangle of legs and bodies, even from my distant position on the wing I could see it didn't look good. The way she was in obvious pain convinced me she'd done the dreaded ACL. A quick glance at the video on the AFLW website at half time did nothing to dissuade me of that fear. Time for Aimee Mackin, highly touted sister of Blaithin, to be unleashed next week perhaps <i>(One report, one prediction correct. Puts my 13% strike rate to shame)</i>.<i> </i></p><p>You can imagine my relief when I returned home after the three day trip to Casey to discover it wasn't a knee but an ankle, and coach Mick was even talking up the possibility of her being back next week. I know Bannan is young, fit, and probably heals at a rate an old codger like me can only dream about, but given how she looked when being helped off it would be the greatest comeback since Lazarus. I'd be betting on a week or two, but having her back for the matches against Geelong and Adelaide would be greatly appreciated, thank you very much.</p><p>What can be said about Kate Hore? It was obvious when we recruited her in 2018 that she was a great natural athlete and had promise as a mid-sized forward, but to see her become the complete footballer she is now has been amazing. With two goals here she became the outright leading goalkicker in the history of the comp, which is outstanding for someone who spends as much time on the ball as forward.</p><p>Ellie Blackburn, as always, was outstanding for the Dogs, but as has become tradition an opposition midfielder tore it up in the first half until Shelley Heath significantly quelled her influence while winning plenty of the ball herself. I can't speak highly enough of Heath. To quote the Bard, though she be little, she is fierce.</p><p>There are times I can't help think this team plays like millionaires (or should that be billionaires these days?), knowing they'll always have enough in reserve to cover any eventuality. This victory gave them 12 straight wins, a competition record, and in that time they haven't conceded a single last quarter goal. It's hard to criticise that performance, but I feel they've dropped off a little in defence this year and conceded a few too many easy goals. Perhaps Sarah Lampard spending more time out of defence and Heath busy shutting down midfielders has come at a cost. Libby Birch seems a little off, and I can't help wonder if Gabby Colvin wouldn't add a bit of true defensive steel and shutdown ability. When we play North and their three tall forwards I think Gabby is a must to return. </p><p><i>I concur and endorse all of the above, but would late to wave two offensive fingers at Kayo for randomly jumping forward a few minutes at the end of the second quarter, spoiling the surprise that we let them kick two goals, then wiped one of them out from the middle with seconds left. Otherwise, it was as professional a performance as you could ask for, and more proof that while teams that tormented us in the early years of the competition have dropped off we'll keep operating at full power under the league breaks us up like Standard Oil.</i></p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes<br /></b>5 - Tyla Hanks<br />4 - Kate Hore<br />3 - Tayla Harris<br />2 - Lauren Pearce<br />1 - Shelley Heath</p><p>Apologies to Gay, Paxy, Mithen, Zanker and Mackin.<br /><br /><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>Yeah, everyone except H&H (related - I only just found out that H&H Bagels from Seinfeld was a real company. The more you know) is stuffed. There's still around 50 votes available but you'll do well to pick off a two BOG lead this early in the piece. And can anyone seriously object? They're miles ahead of anyone else. And please, enjoy the roadblock of contenders on three. I don't think I've ever seen that before.</p><p>14 - Tyla Hanks<br />13 - Kate Hore<br />4 - Tayla Harris<br />3 - Shelley Heath, Sarah Lampard (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Blathin Mackin, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Defender of the Year)</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b></p><p>There was more crumb on offer than the Tip Top factory, but the best was Hore's in Q1 where she gathered a rolling inside 50 on her toes, turned around and kicked the snap. And because she deserves all the medals (no, I'm not guilty about underrating her in last year's medal count, not at all) that's a new leader in the season award.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br />3rd - Shelley Heath (Q4) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>I'm so late with the post it's become 'this week'. It was only when I realised we were playing Friday night that it put a rocket up me to do this. We already know Aimee Mackin is debuting a month after arriving in Australia, a process that worked well for her premiership winning/future life member sister, but does feel like a bit of "we don't think the Hawks are any good". And given that our pre-season meeting ended with them <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2023+AFLW+practice+match+vs+Hawthorn" target="_blank">goalless</a> that may be valid. All will be revealed at the offensive time of 5.05pm. I know they're trying to jam it in before the men's final but I don't think Collingwood in a Prelim needs the help, how about something for those of us who really, really, REALLY want alternative viewing. Stranger things have happened but this time we win comfortably. </p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />I've got a blank space on my wall where certain other premiership merchandise will not be going, this team more than deserves to take it.</p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-91934620496760539722023-09-19T23:54:00.000+10:002023-09-19T23:54:25.307+10:00Down two then left<p>I feel guilty for not being more angry about what happened on Friday night. It was an undisputed fiasco, thrown away in a fashion that you'd point fingers at if the Pakistani cricket team was involved, and a fourth consecutive finals loss that leaves us the only side in the top eight era to go out in straight sets twice in a row. But at the time of writing the overwhelming feeling is sadness.</p><p>Maybe it'll hit me in mid-December and I'll be arrested for headbutting a shopping centre Santa, but right now I feel bad for Michael Hibberd seeing his career die on the spot after retiring during the week, for Steven May playing another great defensive game only to be let down by others, and for everyone in a leadership position who has to go for another top four finish in 2024 knowing that we're all expecting them to botch it in September.</p><p>If we had to blow the season in ludicrous circumstances there weren't many better Melbourne 2023 ways to do it. Throwing away a three goal lead, piling up bulk inside 50s for little reward, booting a shitload of behinds, wasting a heroic individual performance, keeping opposition who were patiently waiting to be killed off alive until the last minute, and losing a thriller. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wJSZqSfloEE&ab_channel=PrimeVideoAU%26NZ" target="_blank">That's a bingo</a>. It's one thing to have done all this on our home ground, after starting favourites but I could have done without one potential sealer falling about centimetres short, and others missing by various methods before a beloved hero did the clanger of a lifetime, leaving our top goalkicking defending 2-on-1 in front of goal with a minute left. </p><p>So how come I haven't kicked an inanimate object to death yet? I had a little foul-mouthed sook at the siren, and might have gone harder if not hemmed in by 96,000 people on all sides, but otherwise haven't been able to muster the energy to join a lynch mob. With respect to people who believe the story isn't complete until we win one at the MCG, I can tell you that if we didn't have flag in the bank I'd be floating down the river right now. There were already serious doubts we'd have won 2021 under traditional circumstances anyway, and as far as I'm concerned this proves it.</p><p>Remember the bleak feeling when Sydney beat us by 21 points last year? Compared to what's followed that may as well have been 186, because we've followed up with defeats by 13, 7, and 2. If delusion helps in this distressing time you could say it's good that we're getting closer. But for the second year in a row we were amongst the four best sides entering finals, then not made it that far when the real stuff started.</p><p>In the many years we were rotten I never thought you could mix (relative) success with Herculean struggle to the point where there's almost a sense of "thank god that's over" after being evacuated from the premiership race at warp speed, but this season has been a slog. We were always good enough to be in the mix at the end, won plenty more than we lost, and reached the finals in reasonable form but never really felt like potential premiers. Similar to 2021 I suppose, so who cares as long as you get hot at the right time. The difference is that the novelty value of being very good for once helped carry me through that year until things got spicy. This started with an eye-opening thrashing of the Dogs, randomly delivered happy memories, but was always a few steps from disaster and lacked a great ending. </p><p>It's not healthy that we didn't have a solid, easy win against anyone since Round 9. And even that involved the shutters being slammed down after Hawthorn were finished by half time. We lacked scoring power and killer instinct and it cost us when it counted. Injuries played their part, but while being so close in two finals shows we were almost there, anyone who thinks we had a repeat of the 2021 finals in us had a more vivid imagination than me.</p><p>The magic number for the week was 10. Not just because we're all thinking of Angus Brayshaw in his recovery from a 'football incident', but because that's how many times we had games decided by that many points or less. If you feel your central nervous system has been tested more than most other years that's our most since <a href="http://demonwiki.org/1968" target="_blank">1968</a>. 10 is also for Round 10, which started a run of losses by 4, 7, 15, 2, 4, 7 and 2 points. Even the 15 came after leading at three-quarter time, so while the Grim Reaper is going to be following this group until they win another MCG final (though at this stage any will do), when your last seven losses are by an average of under a goal, despite injury, suspension, and horribly malfunctioning forward structure, you can't have been far away from getting it right. But we didn't, and unless there's a 5th/6th place playoff against Port Adelaide - another shaky team you wouldn't invite to join the Bomb Disposal Squad - the season is over.</p><p>It would be easier to channel feelings into anger if we'd gone out without firing a shot in either game like Port, but as painful as it is to go close twice in a row I'm glad we did. It will be hard to watch the rest of the season (if you choose to) knowing we could easily have been in the mix, but I'll give them limited credit for twice being on the verge of the Prelim Final most would have called par for the season.</p><p>Friday night ended a shithouse week to be anything to do with Melbourne, coming after a week of Collingwood's dregs trawling the internet like a Russian troll farm, defending Maynard via barely literate arguments with anyone they could find only for him to be found not guilty at the first attempt. The endless replays of him bulldozing Brayshaw didn't shift my original opinion that even if accidental it deserved some sort of token sanction, but when their fanbase from top to bottom went off in such undignified fashion I wanted him to get several weeks just to annoy them. By the end they'd shed their dignity to such a degree that some were arguing without irony that Gus was responsible for his own doom. You would not want these people on a jury.</p><p>Collingwood's PR team did a ripper job in making the defendant look like the Australian of the Year, including stories about him being a <a href="https://www.3aw.com.au/brayden-maynards-kind-act-to-help-woman-in-need/" target="_blank">kindly citizen</a>, and everything short of a friend to furry woodland creatures. Then we cut to Eddie McGuire celebrating the acquittal as if Lindy Chamberlain had just been freed, then responding to criticism by saying he wanted to bring 'fun' back to footy, and I felt really guilty about going for them in 2011 just to stop St Kilda breaking their drought before us.</p><p>The bad news is that this low-rent MAGA mob and their canned ham Trump substitute leader are in the box seat to end the season with the biggest siege mentality win since Stalingrad. I've still got nothing against Maynard but the obvious comedy situation is that he does something shambolic to cost them the Prelim. That's about all we've got left going for us in the men's game this year, but please join me for Queen's Birthday next year, in a world where Brayshaw is fit to play and hordes of strugglers show their true colours by booing the shit out of him.</p><p>It's our own fault we're not there to stop the dread scenario of a Pies flag, but if we can't have the ideal alternative of GWS, or the slightly less ideal Brisbane, I'll have the Blues as a clear third place option. We've had our issues with them before, and a few years at the top will make them as painful as any other supporters in the league, but the romantic element of them coming from the dead appeals to me. And after they turned Brendon Bolton from the smiliest character in the game to a dour miserablist who's never been heard of again, premiership coach Voss would be a win for smiley happy coaches everywhere. Also, your experiences may vary but I appreciate that the bay of Carlton fans going off their tits at the end were more happy about their own success than hanging shit on us. </p><p>The sad thing is that I shouldn't be writing about our season in post-tense. We had a handy lead early, led by seven points at the last change, had various chances to extend the margin over a goal in the dying minutes, and even when that failed we had one red-hot chance to run the clock down with the ball at our end, but somehow found a way to stuff it all up.</p><p>Even though I always expect to lose, I understood the logic behind why we <i>should </i>win. You'd never have convinced me we'd do it easily. After two low-scoring games against the Blues this was always going down the path of another extreme sports, risky attempt to win with defence. I lived in hope of something out of the box happening - Carlton finally hit the wall, we unexpectedly strike gold inside 50, red and blue aliens land on the MCG etc... Instead, the side on the run of a decade recovered from early nerves to beat recent premiers who clammed up thinking about all the shit that would be flung at them for the next 12 months. </p><p>The blame game started about four seconds after the siren, and while I've seen enough clickbait disasters over the years not to instantly fall for this I'd like to understand the context:</p>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Reports "senior" Melbourne figures believe Angus Brayshaw's concussion "derailed" their finals run, with players left "shell shocked"<a href="https://t.co/7vLeLeFjtu">https://t.co/7vLeLeFjtu</a></p>— Fox Footy (@FOXFOOTY) <a href="https://twitter.com/FOXFOOTY/status/1703719455774425190?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 18, 2023</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
<p>I choose to believe we didn't really open the Chris Scott 2021 Prelim Excuse Omnibus, and journos are mischievously conflating 'Brayshaw injury forces unwanted early sub/no obvious replacement for the next game' with 'players shell-shocked by losing a thriller', because otherwise the trauma must have only kicked at three goals to nil. You can't even claim Pickett's excitable first half was related when he's got form for playing angry against Carlton. We just flubbed it and have to wear the embarrassing consequences of being nearly but not quite good enough two years in a row.</p><p>The first omen of a weird night was the mysterious elevation of Josh Schache to sub, after two non-consecutive games against lowly sides this year, with the last as a fourth quarter substitute. I'm still not sure why he was there - if there was any question over Gawn's injured toe then Grundy was the obvious choice, and if it was cover for McDonald not being 'better for the run' I don't know what more evidence they needed from the first three quarters. Maybe Fritsch's foot was being held together with sticky tape? Maybe we're just SHIT at special ops moves. So overall a good night for Josh, qualifying for our list of <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Most%20Finals" target="_blank">finals players</a> (pending manual update, we're not running a professional AFL Tables style operation here), but not wearing any of the blame for an ugly loss.</p><p>You couldn't pay me to watch any of the post-match content, so I don't know if anyone asked the obvious sub question in the press conference but I assume they thought we were winning, so why mess with the forward formula. Which would be the dumbest idea of all time after we'd gone back to hit and hope kicking + missing opportunities from every angle. Taking McDonald off (and was there any other realistic option?) would leave us without a backup ruckman, but once Gawn had his rest midway through the last quarter surely this wasn't an issue anymore? We'd already used Petracca in forward 50 stoppages or not bothered several times, so all you were guarding against was being caught short at a centre bounce, most of which we lost with Gawn contesting anyway. It's all a bit strange. If club and coach have to get sued for off-field stuff can we waste court time and ask them under oath what was going on here? </p><p>If we'd done sensible things and survived to win then all the selection drama would have been reduced to "we got away with that", before trying to find a way to beat the Lions. Dumping Hibberd from the team entirely minutes after his retirement seems harsh, but I'm sure he'd have been back to resume battle with Charlie Cameron if necessary, and Tomlinson was a long way down on the blame list so I can accept that. Jordon probably had to come in for Brayshaw as the last surviving midfielder, and Spargo had his best game of an ordinary year so in some ways they did pick a side to beat Carlton. Which is fine, because magnets could have been thrown in the air madly after winning by the proverbial any means necessary.</p><p>With JVR suspended, the selection call that will be debated forever is McDonald over Grundy. Only one of them has any previous form as a forward, but on evidence from this year neither was going to lead us home with a heroic bag. Ignoring Grundy as starter or substitute is the best thing we've done for him post-dropping, now he's off to Sydney with everyone thinking he would have made a difference here just because the alternative was so unsuccessful. </p><p>The Grundy/Gawn partnership didn't live up to expectation, but was hardly the disaster it's being made out to be. In the end, we bought the wrong Pies ruckman, Mason Cox gives people the shits but we'd have been better suited with somebody who can kick goals/contest forward and ruck a bit, rather than the other way around. Once we'd got Max to September with his body intact (before he joined the growing ranks of Munted Foot Collective victims. Anybody double qualified as a sports psychiatrist and chiropodist?) and it was conclusively proven that Brodie had NFI how to be key forward I had no objections to dropping him.</p><p>But if there was ever a time to pull on the emergency Grundies it was after losing Melksham to injury, van Rooyen to suspension, McDonald to a late career black hole, with Gawn under an injury cloud, and literally not a single other ruckman on our list other than a <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Kyah%20Farris-White" target="_blank">19-year-old basketballer</a> with a Beatles haircut who barely played for Casey. Everyone from Majak Daw, to Braydon Preuss, and Nick Smith would have risked their own toe injury kicking the couch at missing their opportunity this year. But then again, we had a former All-Australian in reserve here and instead picked a sub whose previous finals experience was getting a sore neck watching us kick goals over his head in 2021 so who knows what they were thinking.</p><p>I feel horrible burying The Sizzle because he features in many of my greatest footballing memories, but while gambling on him last week was understandable, doubling down without adequate cover on the bench, against two ruck opposition was Goodwin's worst bet since 2007. Once they decided to replace JVR with Spargo, and have left-hand pinch from right by sending Petracca forward, it makes my brain bleed trying to work out why you wouldn't make either Grundy or McDonald the sub and swap one for the other if it wasn't working, instead of leaving a fringe player sitting on his arse all night while we displayed the killer instinct of Mother Teresa. </p><p>This year has killed off the old philosophy that you can tell how we're going to go from the opening minutes. Shame, because for once this would have been a good thing. We got the first three goals, despite having a likely one taken away due to Pickett trying to fight with everyone, Smith was having the quarter of his life, Lever pulled down everything that came into his area code, and while the score wasn't a fair representation of how the game was going until then it was a serious advantage. One of the goals came from a questionable free but that was somebody else's job to whinge about later. Now none of their fans care what happened in Q1 because they're busy thinking about Saturday evening on the Gabba.</p><p>Pickett's reversed free kick was only part of a first half crime spree also involving a one week suspension for a bump, a fine for striking, and a needless 50 metre penalty. This was backed up with f. all concerning the actual playing of the sport. He was influential in the second half, but started dreadfully to the point where I was in half a mind to drop him next week even if he got off at the tribunal. </p><p>For all the questions about our depth players, Spargo was very good early. I still don't know if you can have him and Chandler in the same side, but I'd like to test this theory in a game where Kade gets inside 50 at some point. Remember early in the year when he was taking marks and kicking goals? How does that end up as 'let's maroon him somewhere been centre and half-forward' by the end of the season when our attack was misfiring like a Russian car? Meanwhile, Spargo's reward for being amongst the most influential when we were doing well was to play 59% of the game. In the spirit of 'everything we do is wrong', maybe Toby Bedford was a better long-term prospect than both of them?</p><p>If you can ever be convinced by a three goal lead in the first quarter, things were going spectacularly in our favour after Petracca blundered his way into being called play-on after a mark, then casually belted the kick through from an obscure angle anyway. What a way to take the heat out of the crowd, and to convince a nervy as anything opposition that they were outmatched. Carlton teetered on the brink of the latter for much of the night, fortunate that the opposition had no idea how to take advantage. </p><p>The good times ended, ironically, with a second-string ruckman kicking goals. Even better, Tom De Koning came in with seven from 17 games this season, which statistically made him an even less likely goalkicker than Brodie Grundy (10 in 17), and here he was getting them back into the game. First he managed to get into a marking contest with Bowey, before being assisted by a shove from Tomlinson. The second one had full Acting Football League mayo applied, but that's what you get for forcing contact instead of booting the ball straight down a defender's throat all night. This restored full volume to a partisan crowd that had previously been dulled, and they were never silenced again.</p><p>Letting them drag our early advantage down to seven points at quarter time was irritating, but hardly fatal. After last week, three goals in the opening term was a luxury and other than their two in 30 seconds Carlton didn't look particularly threatening. As long as we didn't do something stupid like going back to a no forward line policy, then conceding the first three goals after the break. By the time Charlie Curnow finally escaped May for his first we were two kicks behind and I was considering rolling down from Row CC of the Olympic Stand.</p><p>In a rare outbreak of centre clearance glory we wiped that last one out at the earliest opportunity, then looked to have pinched the lead back through ANB. But it's not a game against Carlton without video review shenanigans, so after waiting long enough that you thought everything was fine they held the ball up in the middle to show it coming off a defender on the way past. I hate this, because mentally you're convinced the goal is going to count once all clear has been declared but it's still funny when people lustily boo after a replay that indicates it never should have counted in the first place. The closest we got to another goal before half time were a couple of wild snaps that should have tipped us off to how the game was going to end.</p><p>By now our forward line had gone back to full Collingwood-style disarray. Petracca was being called on to help in the middle more than was planned for, but what did they expect against a Cripps/Walsh etc.., midfield? That he'd be surplus to requirements, even with Brayshaw applying ice to his scone at home? Oliver and Viney got touches but were beaten overall, and Gawn's preferred centre bounce tactic of grabbing it out of the had been swizzed by the Blues, so we had nothing left to try and stop them. When they got the opening goal of the third quarter I was in full, abject, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=phnUHcP6oXk&ab_channel=RewindTV" target="_blank">Johnny Nice</a>-style misery.</p><p>Then Pickett nearly went from villain of both sides to hero of ours. Fritsch had barely gone near it until then but pushed up the ground and hit a rocket of a pass to Pickett's magnificent, straight down the middle lead. If he's going to kick like that Fritsch is welcome to play up the ground, but you'd be entitled to ask why the best lead came from the crumber. Pickett helped set up the next two, and kick one of his own to put us ahead again. Neutrals were free to enjoy another close game between these clubs, I wanted to heave over the seat in front of me.</p><p>It all led to a very uncomfortable three-quarter time, where I'd like to have had a better distraction than the gimmick where fans can vote on which song to listen to. God knows who's got enough interest to participate, but lucky I didn't hang shit on Pies fans for picking AC/DC last week because the same thing happened in what was nominally our home game. They should have held another vote three minutes into the last quarter and offered the Benny Hill Theme or Circus Music, because we came out of the three-quarter time break as if it was spent huffing paint fumes from a plastic bag. If this felt familiar, it's because that's exactly what happened in our last meeting, where a tight game was burst open by a few minutes of dominance, leaving the team who prefers defence chasing madly to catch up.</p><p>Speaking of great defence, this was another exhibition of Steven May playing like full back of the century while all around him filled their shorts. He was good all night but went up another gear in the finals quarter and would be justified calling players and coaches alike a bunch of bastards in the rooms. In our four finals of doom he's now cleaned up Franklin and Curnow (combined Coleman Medals - lots) and come away with nothing to show for it.</p><p>For the purposes of coping by getting really angry, maybe it would have been better if we'd just gone fully tits up at this point. Instead we made sure defeat was even more painful by getting back in front first. In the last few minutes before he was refused entry to the playing surface, Spargo set up Pickett's second, then Fritsch put us back in front. </p><p>Cue the most farcical efforts at killing a game off since the last one. It's easy to question selection now, but maybe this was the time to throw Schache on. It looked like we might kick a goal at some point, but I'm almost certain he can't have done any worse than the alternative. If nothing else it would have made Carlton reassess their matchups, possibly cracking open space for somebody else. Maybe if he's there Joel Smith is the one trying to take on two players in front of Carlton's goal instead of Fritsch? Results are rarely determined by choice of sub but this still comes across as a cock-up. Then, and this is my favourite bit, Schache, McDonald, and Spargo spent the last 11 minutes sitting next to each other on the bench.</p><p>While this will go down as a lost last quarter, there's no doubt that after the opening burst we were well on top. It just needed a finish that never came. In all the chaos that followed I'd totally forgotten that we were still two kicks in front before they plucked one of out nowhere to make it interesting. Now it didn't matter how much better we'd been for most of the quarter, any tiny incident could kill us off, against opposition with nothing to lose, and the majority of people in the stadium ready to go up in flames with excitement.</p><p>This epic piss-take of a result was made even better by the several minutes of the margin sitting under a goal and nobody scoring anything. We had peak May at one end, they had us madly booting kicks inside forward 50 and hoping for the best. Somewhere in this Tom Sparrow tried to liven things up by throwing one of them into the fence but we were doing so well defensively that it didn't come back to haunt us.</p><p>It wasn't Oliver's best game, certainly not compared to his rampant comeback against the same opposition a few weeks earlier, but he had the chance of heroics after getting HTB on BOG Walsh. 50 metres out hard on the boundary didn't suit him a bit, but he must have seen nobody of any height except Gawn guarding the line, decided setting it up was only going to end in tears and had a shot. And it nearly came off, touched as on the line as you can get. Unfortunately for us it was touched by Gawn, but it looked like if he didn't get it the defender probably would have so I can see why in the heat of the moment he may have thought trying to tap the ball back into play was a better option. If he'd done that straight into some much-needed crumb we'd have been lauding him as a genius. It would have been irrelevant anyway if the Frantic Last Minute Pickett Snap Of The Week hadn't hit the post.</p><p>That made the margin five points. You know exactly what I was thinking about that margin, and was proven correct. Consistent with the rest of the game we had chances to run time down but again displayed the poise of a greyhound with balls slathered in Hot English Mustard. I absolutely refuse to watch the 'highlights' in full, so can't remember if there was a switch that Lever could have used to take more time off the clock, but his 'get this thing away from me' kick somehow ended (via what method I don't know or care) with Viney pelting forward. I'm told he could have thrown a handpass to Petracca, after which we'd probably have been able to keep the ball at that end. Instead he unloaded the standout worst kick at the worst time I've ever seen, straight to an opponent in the middle of the ground, letting them go forward before we could set up the defensive wall. And you know what happened next. </p><p>As the decisive mark was completed I look down in agony and missed the unnecessarily quick play-on. It took until early this week to accidentally see footage and realise that he'd gone absurdly close to blowing it. What a moment that would have been. You say Bradbury, I say yes please. I'd have transported heroin up my arse from Thailand to win at this point. God knows why he didn't take all the time in the world for the set shot, leaving us as little possible time for the reply. Surely he wouldn't have missed from that distance, but we were in such a state that even the lifeline of the century would probably have ended up coming straight back for the winning goal anyway.</p><p>I'd been so laser-focused on what was happening on the ground that I didn't even realise it was somewhere around the 33 minute mark. Anybody who refuses to know how much time there is left in their own side's games only has themselves to blame for the inevitable massive heart attack. The people around me weren't interested in surprises, phones were in hand with the AFL app all over the place trying to work out how long there was to pinch the lead back.</p><p>The answer was 'long enough if good enough'. And after two weeks of kicking points left, right, and touched through the centre, all we needed was to force one through to get extra time. Unlike Collingwood, where the sense was that we'd have run over the top of them in the added minutes by any combination of goals or points, I can't be certain the same would have happened here but like everything else this finals series just getting there would have been a start.</p><p>To get the minimum required point we probably had to go against the trend of the evening and win a centre clearance. I don't expect Machiavellian moves at this stage of a thriller with the season on the line, but maybe it would have helped to force a fake 6-6-6 violation, make Carlton stew for a few more seconds and guarantee a ball-up. Instead we lost more time because the umpire did a Melbourne, lost his nerve at the wrong time and had to recall the bounce. I'm usually into tradition but either throw the bloody thing up or let them play no matter how farcically off-centre the ball goes.</p><p>No matter how the game was restarted, this would have been the perfect time for a tap into the path of a player motoring past at a million miles an hour. Or even Gawn finally pulling off the grab/punt violently technique. There's every chance the kick forward would have been picked off anyway, but it's better than the suspicion that there was at least one point left in the game being proven true... by Carlton going the other way and rolling through a slow, time-wasting, behind to finish us off.</p><p>There was no time for a coast-to-coast miracle, nobody got prematurely excited and biffed one of our forwards in the face 20 metres out from goal, and at the siren there was a noise somewhere between a jumbo jet taking off directly over your head and an extinction level event asteroid strike. This was my 'you can pinpoint the moment his heart rips in half' moment, I just shouted a couple of obscenities then sat there for a few minutes watching the celebrations. </p><p>Harder people than me would have been cursing Carlton fans at that point but I couldn't help feel a tiny bit impressed at the wild scenes. The other 97% of me was divided between jealousy and outright self-pity. Last year when we blew the Semi Final from a winning position it felt like a near-certainty that we'd have been poleaxed by Geelong the next week anyway (and Brisbane did everything to prove the theory right), but this time I was confident we'd have given a good account of ourselves. </p><p>The Lions would have rightly started favourites but for all the 'thank god that's over' sentiment, it's better having a ticket in the lottery than not. Maybe the absence of Pickett would have made somebody else step up, JVR might have returned with something to prove, or swallowed pride led to a Grundy Does The Gabba forward miracle. If nothing else we'd have had a week to dream about the bad-feelings Grand Final of a lifetime against the Pies, now we're pulling the virtual pud with all the other losers. It's still better this way than the dreck of a decade earlier but the last two weeks have scorched my soul. </p><p>Explaining my feelings would be a lot easier if I'd ended the night fuming at umpiring decisions, trying to sack the coach, and signing up for a joint Peter Lawrence/Glenn Bartlett boardroom revolution but it's impossible to accurately describe my emotional void. Knowing that about 9 million worse things happened in the world that night helps keep it in perspective but I'm cursing the change of AFLW season dates because now I'm struggling to balance supporting our perennially good value women's team and not wanting see another game of Australian Rules football this yer. I tuned in for the end of Port vs GWS just to see the league's other shaky unit join us in straight sets disgrace, and suppose I'll be roped into some part of the remaining three games of the year because it feels mandatory but at the moment I'm bust.</p><p>After a good 10 minutes staying in my seat, sort of wanting to stay put until security had to carry me out around midnight, I reluctantly walked back to the city in the middle of the biggest celebrations since D-Day. The last thing I wanted to do was go to bed and wake up the next morning to hear about it again so ended up driving around the suburbs for nearly three hours listening to the blandest, inoffensive AM classic hits available. Then, at about 2.30am my petrol hit 'you're in trouble soon' levels of blink and all my one-foot-in-the-grave, middle aged brain could come up with for a last self-destructive act was to eat a McFlurry. Then their machine was broken and I went home empty-handed. What an appropriately shit end to a shit night.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Steven May<br />--- All the known space in the galaxy ---<br />4 - Jake Lever<br />3 - Joel Smith<br />2 - Clayton Oliver<br />1 - Charlie Spargo</p><p>Apologies to McVee, Neal-Bullen, Petracca, Pickett, Tomlinson, and Viney</p><p><b>Leaderboard</b><br />It's over 10 votes before it should have been and the results were as expected. The only live contest was the Hilton (and even though there were no objections I am getting queasy about that name), but as McVee was the only player out there eligible to poll he was home with a loss. Doubt that will be much consolation, but it's some reward for a very good first season. In all the post-match carnage last week I forgot there's a 'best finals player', and May's BOG gives him some redemption for playing another epic (wasted) game last year and being pipped by the unlikely combo of Oliver and Petty.</p><div><div>70 - Christian Petracca (WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />40 - Jack Viney<br />35 - Steven May (WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year, WINNER: Garry Lyon Medal for Finals Player of the Year)<br />32 - Clayton Oliver<br />26 - Max Gawn (WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)</div><div>22 - Jake Lever<br />18 - Trent Rivers<br />14 - Angus Brayshaw, Kysaiah Pickett</div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Jake Bowey, Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler</div><div>9 - Bayley Fritsch<br />8 - Lachie Hunter, Jake Melksham</div><div>7 - Harrison Petty<br /></div><div>4 - Michael Hibberd, Judd McVee (WINNER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Christian Salem, Joel Smith, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown, Alex Neal-Bullen</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Charlie Spargo, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>It must be Petracca in the first quarter, even if he was at fault for getting himself called to play on in the first place, the finish was exquisite. If he'd done that in the last 20 seconds it would have automatically leapt into first place on context alone. Viney holds on to win it all for his snatch 'n grab special against the Lions. </div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett (the second one) vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Next year</b><br /><div>The carnage count is currently Hibberd and Dunstan retired, D. Smith d. listed, Grundy all but traded, and Jordon 'exploring options' (and on the basis of this game, please explore widely) + Melksham crocked for 12 months, and the suspicion that Brown is permanently broken. Harmes is contracted, but after sticking with us last year there's no way he'll stay if there's a chance to play regularly elsewhere. Otherwise, Tomlinson has been told he's staying and McDonald wouldn't have generated too much list manager excitement recently so will probably play out his remaining year, and that's probably where we're at - at least five gone, with a minimum of one on the long term injured list. </div><div><br /></div><div>The term 'mini-rebuild' is fraught with danger, but we've got solid draft picks and somehow money in the salary cap so there's a chance to address needs. Let's do it in a controlled, conservative way this time instead of going 'that guy's cheap, we'll make it work'. From my limited interest in other clubs I take it Shane McAdam slapped the trade request in as soon as Melksham went down, which leaves our immediate needs as a key forward (if Petty's not fit by Round 1), a second ruckman who can either kick goals or provide serious forward contest, and as unusual as it sounds somebody who can win the ball in the middle of the ground. And then we look to the future - May and Gawn are irreplaceable but we better start thinking about trying soon. While I expect to sulk through most of last year I'm excited to see what they do with the list before then. I can't believe we've gone flag, top four, top four, and still gone back to trading and drafting being the most exciting part of the year. </div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>In Memoriam</b></div><div>I can't add anything to the Ron Barassi story that won't be written elsewhere, but I submit this article as the greatest psychological study ever written in so few words. </div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Vale RDB. Everyone else will be talking about his legendary accomplishments as player and coach, I want to remember phone chess with Brent Crosswell. <a href="https://t.co/j5Dx8W7zvN">pic.twitter.com/j5Dx8W7zvN</a></p>— Adam 1.0 (@Demonblog) <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1702976495357161677?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 16, 2023</a></blockquote><div><b>Final thoughts</b></div><div>Thank you again for another season of taking interest. Next year will be the 20th of Demonblog, and as difficult as it's becoming to get posts out as quickly as I want to, this is my own only outlet for making dated references and in-jokes that only make sense to me so don't think it'll be going away anytime soon. Besides, the lineage of the awards is too deep now so I'm too far down the rabbit hole. May as well ride this out until I cark it or get sued for defamation. Just in case, please help the legal defence fund by <a href="https://bruntonavenuepublishing.bigcartel.com/" target="_blank">buying a book</a>, but otherwise until then I'll see you for another two months of AFLW coverage, then take a much-needed break until the pre-season games. </div><div><br /></div><div>And remember, no matter what stitch-ups this club pulls at either end of the ladder, at least we're not going around with a velcro Hawk on the jumper. Cheerio and Go Dees.</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-2015221301034793102023-09-13T15:00:00.004+10:002023-09-13T15:00:34.543+10:00It's five o'clock somewhere <p>As the only Melbourne team to win more than they lost for 7+ consecutive seasons since Norm Smith, it feels rude to lump our AFLW team in with the men, but that's what you get for starting a season at the same time as the finals. All those dead rubber years where I'd have been happy to roll straight out of the last home and away round into something more enjoyable, now I'm both mentally exhausted, and in too much panic about what's going to happen on Friday to give this team the energy it deserves.</p><p>Even pre-flag I had nothing but love for this branch of the MFC family, and look forward to getting right into it when the fallout of the other season is over. It doesn't help your emotional commitment when two rounds in half the competition is in confirmed disarray. I'm always happy to win, and unlike 30 years of expecting the men to lose every week there are now times that I can be absolutely certain we're going to win at AFLW. Maybe the real excitement is in worrying about failure, which made Round 1 so good, and left me doing the time-honoured "get on with it" hand gesture waiting for the big matches - and dare I say finals.</p><p>Suffice to say, playing post-local derby embarassment GWS at 5.05pm on Sunday, in Canberra, at a ground where every single spectator was on the broadcast side didn't qualify as a big one. Not that I expected to pile on the third highest score in history, but it makes sense that if we could turn the turbo on against decent opposition last week, that things might get ugly for a team which scored 1.0.6 in our last meeting.</p><p>The Giants haven't always been poleaxeable, we did have to pull that <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2020/03/miracles-in-emergency.html" target="_blank">finals win</a> from the arse against them in 2020, but when everyone else turned up they were left scrambling for players, with help from a draft that allows players to say what state they're willing to play in. Then the AFL let the last four expansion clubs thieve players for free, and not only weren't they able to participate but one of the freebie four are their cross-town rivals. Best of British luck fixing that up. Meanwhile we've been at the top of the ladder for seven plus years, eventually won a flag, watched all the other original clubs have a poor run somewhere, and have practically never lost a big name player. It's got to end eventually, but until then it's been great viewing. </p><p>Other than the furious vengeance unleashed on tired, poor, huddled masses in the last quarter, this game will be most notable as the first without a direct thread to Round 1, 2017. Even Mick Stinear missed a game, but Paxy had been ever-present since day one. After brief rumours about shifting interstate post-flag, the rebrand only lasted one game before injury and late withdrawal. No good comes from losing a five time All-Australian, but we still have star players out the yin yang so I knew it would take some outrageous scenario to lose. Then somebody with the biggest headband since Carl Ditterich kicked their first goal about 10 seconds in and I thought "that's what you get for being overconfident". </p><p>All's well that ends well, and while GWS clung on for longer than expected that turned out to be the classic counterproductive goal that looks good at the time but leads to the other team scoring two out of the middle, leaving you six points behind where you'd have been if the ball got trapped in the forward pocket for five minutes.</p><p>Enter the greatest individual AFLW quarter in our history, featuring Kate Hore kicking three goals, missing another shot on the siren, and also randomly bobbing up middle and back as required. And between all that you've got Zanker crumbing the bejesus out of one, and Bannan ready to jump in when it was her turn. If Harris starts kicking straight again this may (and I say may, because we've got to play somebody good eventually) be the season that makes up for all the years of labouring to kick - and often win with - small scores.</p><p>We didn't have it all our way early. Big Carl had a set shot for a second but stuffed it out on the full, before repeat entries doubled their tally from the last meeting before quarter time. Turns out a more open game probably didn't the Giants. Congratulations for not just stacking everyone behind the ball and trying to bore out a 30-12 loss, but they clearly didn't have four quarters in them. Two and a half was all that could be mustered before we engaged wallop mode and went for the landslide.</p><p>To only be slightly condescending, this was such an easy win that we could afford to not go close to the interchange cap, and use Paxman-replacement Wilson, and Campbell for only 40% of the game each. The cautionary tale to our ongoing success is that our depth is at fish-pond levels. If Wilson is next cab off the rank when Paxman and Fitzsimon are injured then you wouldn't want to be battling an injury crisis. It can't have helped trying to get going on that little game time, behind the ball in a game where the opposition was slowly sinking into quicksand. </p><p>If it was going to look like nobody was there, and without the live broadcast where Fox Sports had to show people to prove they weren't using the old Channel 7 fake noise machine, at least Hore's golden quarter took place facing a grandstand. Imagine if you'd played the greatest wing game in competition history and all the highlights featured a side of the ground with all of one security guard in it.</p><p>The Giants should lobby for this competition to be played under AFLX rules, because they were more than competitive in the first quarter. They got the ball down our end enough, usually winding up in the hands Gillard, who should still be bitter than she didn't win the BOG medal in the Grand Final due to not being a midfielder. They eventually turned the mass inside 50s into a second goal, but the turnover that set up Hore's third showed that they couldn't stay out of their own way long enough to trouble us. </p><p>It's almost not fair (but bad luck) that we got to wheel Purcell in from Geelong to go alongside homegrown superstars in the making like Hanks, but credit to whoever's running the Irish recruiting division because Mackin and Goldrick have continued to be good this year. The latter kicked the opening goal of the second quarter and now I was even more certain about where this was going. The Giants were put in full defensive mode keeping us to just three goals. We missed a couple of easy shots, but I don't think it would have helped them going back to the middle.</p><p>By the time Lampard (previous tally - 3 in 53 games) became the Shelley Heath style unusual goalkicker of the week, the Giants were holding on for dear life. To their credit, after we missed another pair of shots to open the quarter they did have several very good minutes which included a third and final goal. Then right at the end, even with a lead in the late 20s that we weren't going to lose without the most random sequence of events in football history, Hore pulled down another mark for her fourth and their best part of the day - other than the first 10 seconds - had been wasted in the blink of an eye.</p><p>And then the hammer of the gods came down on them, starting with Purcell picking off another turnover, and going through a Bannan goal not longer after to officially kick off party time. Hooray for longer games when you're running them out against the less fortunate. A 7.2 quarter even beat the best in our <a href="http://demonwiki.org/2022+AFLW+summer+season+Round+9" target="_blank">record win against Freo</a>, and they had the excuse of players called on at a few hours' notice as COVID replacements. Hore's tally equalled Daisy Pearce's club record for goals from that day, meaning that we're now in the interesting situation where we've had 2x five goal performances, 0x four goals, and 20x three goals. Interesting to me anyway, your views may vary.</p><p>As a joyous massacre of innocents it was great, I preferred last week for proof that we're going to be a top finals contender again. On paper the first half of the year should be fairly easy, but with the exception of West Coast being as putrid as their men's side, all the action comes from Round 5 onwards. If everyone stays fit and unsuspended I'm hoping we can finally win a Grand Final in the state of Victoria.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Kate Hore<br />4 - Tyla Hanks<br />3 - Sarah Lampard<br />2 - Olivia Purcell<br />1 - Lauren Pearce</p><p>Apologies to Bannan, Gillard, Mackin, McNamara, Mithen</p><p><b>Leaderboard<br /></b>Two games in and there's already a mega-gulf between Superstar A, Superstar B, and everyone else. Best of luck to the chasing pack, we will judge each game on its merits but if a third party wins the big one I'll be flabbergasted.</p><p>9 - Tyla Hanks, Kate Hore<br />3 - Sarah Lampard (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Blaithin Mackin<br />2 - Shelley Heath, Olivia Purcell<br />1 - Tayla Harris, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />There was more crumb on offer than the Tip Top factory, but the best was Hore's in Q1 where she gathered a rolling inside 50 on her toes, turned around and kicked the snap. And because she deserves all the medals (no, I'm not guilty about underrating her in last year's medal count, not at all) that's a new leader in the season award.</p><p>1st - Kate Hore (Q1 #2) vs GWS<br />2nd - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br />3rd - Shelley Heath (Q4) vs Collingwood<br /></p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>It's the Bulldogs, now believed to be no good but always stay on high alert anyway, at Casey on Saturday. If you've ever dreamed about joining the ranks of Demonblog guest reporters this could be your chance, because one way or the other I'm going to be worn out after the night before. I'll still be watching so will be able to do an emergency report if required but will be happy to hand the keys over to anybody up to and including Helen Demidenko.</p><p>If either Paxman or Fitzsimon are fit that's Wilson done for. Halfway through I was also considering whether to call for the long-delayed Rhiannon Watt debut in place of Campbell, but being interviewed by Fox Sports midway through inspired her to bigger things. Otherwise, no alterations required if everyone's upright. I'm still relatively scarred by the Dogs keeping us out of a Grand Final <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2018/03/dont-fear-reaper.html" target="_blank">in 2018</a>, and the wildcard element of a 25 degree day (probably with the sort of roaring breeze that starts bushfires) has me on my toes. We win but not as easily as this.</p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />As they used to say in the <i>Wogs Out Of Work</i> (NB: I am not doing a racism, this was a real thing) ad that I can't for the life of me find online... It. Was. Really. Good.<br /></p>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-58193495833529347952023-09-10T12:48:00.003+10:002023-09-10T12:48:29.478+10:00Did Not Qualify<p>When you're always waiting for something to go wrong, losing a thriller to the best side in the competition shouldn't feel so bad. But the occasion, the struggle, and the tease of an all-time great comeback in a hostile environment has left me dying on the inside. Win or lose we'd have been playing our next game without a safety net, and if we do the sensible thing next week the only harm done is having to travel for a prelim, but right now I'm paralysed by fear about Friday night becoming <i>Straight Sets II: The Smell Of Fear</i>.</p><p>The few minutes near the end where we might have pulled off the filthiest finals win in years was great, but 'it's the hope that kills you' is the truest footy cliche of all. It's better that we gave ourselves a chance, and left them with something to think about if there's a rematch, but I'd probably have been in a better emotional state if we'd lost by five goals. Now I know we matched or beat Collingwood in every category except poise, forward organisation and forcing early substitutions, so feel cheated that we wasted a golden chance to outrun them by scoring bugger all until the last quarter.</p><p>With respect to the very good defence standing in our way, we had so many failed attempts to score that I considered calling this post 'Shooting yourself in the foot', before realising we'd have been left uninjured on a bullet-riddled floor. Never before has a crowd this size gathered to see shit thrown at a wall and fail to stick. </p><p>Most inside 50 counts are meaningless, but this one should be attached to use like the stone of shame. You'll never beat the counterproductivity of turning a 72-48 advantage into an <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+2+2019" target="_blank">80 point loss</a>, but adjusted for the importance of the event this was much worse. Watching us try to beat a well-drilled, military precision defence by insanely flinging the ball forward like ice addicts on a three week binge must have tested the resolve of neutrals who felt they had to watch because it was a final. Then, just as things were getting ugly and the 'close-knit' home crowd was so aroused that they were ready to slaughter outsiders, the oppressed minority rose up and nearly pinched it.</p><p>Purists would have been diving out of windows like Wall Street 1929 if we'd pulled it off, but the last half an hour was basically just wailing on an opposition who'd run out of juice and were desperately holding on until the siren. The funniest win in history would probably have set off the biggest riot the MCG has ever seen, but you get what you deserve for trying to chase down a three quarter time margin five points short of your entire score.</p><p>After 34 years without a final against Collingwood, a guaranteed massive crowd, and the prize of a guaranteed Preliminary Final you'd think I'd have spent the week with stress levels so high they could be detected by random breath test. Deep down there was a bit of melt, but calm on the surface. Plenty of sensible people were tipping us, and if we started red hot favourites I'd have been leaking from every orifice, but felt the gap between the sides was enough to merit 'expect to lose and you'll be right or surprised' status.</p><p>I thought we could win, just that it was unlikely. It helps that my senses were been deadened by flag, but even after three seasons of evidence suggesting we can beat anyone, anywhere (except in a final at the MCG apparently) it's how I am and always will be. Apologies if you're the sort of person who thinks bad vibes mysteriously transfer to players.</p><p>We're all coming at this from different angles, but I guarantee that if footy fans were mass-tested for self-confidence we'd be at the other end of the table from Collingwood. All week I was trying to balance my inner-turmoil with fans popping up Whack-A-Mole style to go on endlessly about how they were going to win, with some insincere "it should be a good game" included to seem even-handed. If I'd followed the extended family and bravely following the most popular team in Australia it would have been a terrible personality fit. Either that or the rising tide would have lifted all boats, helping me achieve my childhood career goals of being a) Premier of Victoria, b) a WWF manager, or preferably both.</p><p>My strategy for avoiding fatal brain pop was to engage in as little of the build-up as possible. This was interrupted by the latest Fritsch Foot Drama, where what looked like a near miss in Sydney suddenly threatened to keep him out after all. With Petty and Melksham already on the KIA list, this would have left our forward line in disarray. Maybe it would have inspired us to try something different, but probably not. That was bad enough, then the weather report predicted pissing rain for Thursday night and I thought about holding a seance to contact Demonblog's official patron saint of water disasters, Tony Bullimore.</p><p>Regardless of conditions, both coaches were happy to reveal in advance that they were going to play the talls. I believe McDonald would have played no matter what, but even with the AFL's <a href="https://resources.afl.com.au/afl/document/2023/03/01/82776a92-9a26-41b3-94e8-ccff96bf0e47/Amended-AFL-Regulations-effective-28-February-2023.pdf" target="_blank">anti-fun policies</a> making it difficult to make late changes I'm convinced Collingwood would done some dark art shit to get the required medical certificate if we were set for four quarters of pelt.</p><p>It came down in sheets for about an hour, covering most of my walk from city to ground, but was well gone by game time. Still not sure how they saw what was coming and thought we needed all of McSizzle, JVR and Smith in the same slippery forward line. If you could still make panic changes I'd have seen van Rooyen dropping everything in the warm up, withdrawn Spargo from the hot dog queue and promoted Laurie to the starting lineup. And then we'd have kicked it over his head for four quarters like everyone else.</p><p>No doubt the plan was to sub out one of the talls later in the game, but in a 20x more people watching version of the Alice Springs debacle we lost that option to injury, leaving ineffective forwards trying to work miracles from horrible kicks. Yet somehow we were in the frame to either win this or take it to extra time with two minutes left. It wasn't the best night for our defenders but they should still feel aggrieved at another loss where we kept the opposition to a manageable score but couldn't cover it.</p><p>I'll reluctantly admit that as used and abused as I felt by the end, there was a tremendous atmosphere. But unless you're a neutral, or your team wins where does that get you? I'd play finals against Gold Coast in Ballarat if it meant proceeding directly to the Prelim. Even with the rotten weather and a key train line blown to bits by lightning 90 minutes before the bounce, 92,000+ narrowly beat the <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2018/09/weid-people.html" target="_blank">2018 Elimination Final</a> for the largest MFC crowd I've been in. After arriving early through the better-designed Ponsford tht yer, I didn't think much of entering a Southern Stand bottleneck and shuffling around with hundreds of people, waiting for somebody to yell fire and get us all trampled. I dispute the claim in the Jim Beam ad that 'people are good for you' at the best of times, this didn't help the rapidly building nerves.</p><p>The magnitude of what was happening finally arrived as I took my spot halfway down an aisle in the exact same spot I pay to sit in the rest of the year but never do. Then I didn't move until the siren, partially not wanting to take on the crowds to do anything, mostly due to tension. Now I was ready to get involved in something massive, a win that would instantly vault us to premiership favouritism. </p><p>It was never likely to be easy (when was the last time we comfortably beat the Pies when they were good?) but I was willing to believe in nice things happening. Then the bell rang. Cox jumping all over Gawn at the first bounce set the table for what was to come. It might have been a free, but if the remaining 99.9% of the game was anything to go by we'd have just wasted our chance anyway. Even if Max got multiple 50s and goalled from the line I still can't see a scenario where we kicked a great score without several of their defenders spontaneously combusting first. </p><p>The early stages were pure struggle, and while we've been in similar spots recently there's a big difference between a Hawthorn side full of randoms and pressure cooker finals. Didn't mean I had to like it though, and we didn't have many winners early. The best way to take the sting out of it would have been to nick an early goal, but you were already getting a sense that it was going to be a long night. I'd have been happy winning a putrid slopfest 45-44 but it was never likely.</p><p>When people waffle on joyfully about umpires "putting the whistle away" in finals, they probably don't mean deleting holding the ball from the Laws of the Game. This worked in our favour when Lever somehow got away with being tackled after breaking into a trot across defence. When that happened I had a quick fantasy about winning via unbelievably lucky umpiring until their fans were queuing to jump the fence at the final siren. Then we gave the first goal up to a free kick 20 metres out directly in front, so that worked well. It showed that if you kept the ball alive in front of goal you might get frees that turn into goals. We saw this, said "that's nice", and went back to attacking from as high an angle as possible. </p><p>All year I've feared being turned over by the Play School sounding trio of Billy, Bobby and Jamie. This came 33% true here. The first was dropped, and the last didn't do much, but 'Bobby' got the first two goals and things were looking grim. We couldn't effectively clear the ball out of defence, and the few times it did shamble forward they were turning it back with the greatest of ease. Then you had Steele Sidebottom, so old his Tax File Number is single digits, romping up and down the wing with all the energy of a 20-year-old after 300 and something games. We've had two players get to triple figures and both were basically dead by then, so this was about as welcome as the time Brent Harvey celebrated three decades in the game by kicking a career-best haul.</p><p>If there's anything to be said for the second goal it's that it led to a decent centre clearance. Still, the only way we turned it into a shot was the downfield free kick for Brayshaw being obliterated by a failed smother. I'm not saying the umpires were off their game, and certainly not blaming them for losing, but how did they allow Fritsch to take his kick when Brayshaw was motionless, in an unknown state of medical trouble a few metres behind him? They bet correctly that the set shot would make the distance, but what if he'd scuffed it and the ball stayed live? It was weird, but ended in a goal so I was happy to take it.</p><p>Then the focus went to Gus, who has dodged a lot of concussion bullets over recent yers but was in all sorts here. Without knowing what had happened from the other end of the ground I shit myself as random medical people started running onto the ground after the usual club people had been attending to him for a while. Less concerned, the people doing a 'Collingwood' chant to fill in time like it was the Mexican Wave. They are a more insular community than some cults.</p><p>The way we'd started, I appreciate players waiting to steam in to remonstrate until after Fritsch kicked straight, but the only action came from Jack Viney, while the non-Corey branch of the Maynard family desperately pled innocence. Nothing says Melbourne vs Collingwood like teammates not standing up for a fallen colleague, but Jack Watts was certainly sitting at home wishing a guy like Viney had been around when he debuted. </p><p>Even though Maynard basically landed the Roman Reigns superman punch, I'm certain it wasn't a planned assassination. Which is morally nice, but not how the process works. Because just handing out the penalty would cut a few days from the media circus he's been sent straight to the tribunal. I'm predicting it'll start at a Grand Final eliminating two weeks, then Collingwood will 'reluctantly' accept him getting one after a full-scale media circus. </p><p>If they resist the temptation to roll over and do whatever the most popular team wants I look forward to another week of wall-to-wall coverage as Jeff Browne pleads their case before the Court Of Arbitration For Sport in Lausanne. Until then stand by for the AFL to ignore various 'outcome not intention' precedents and do their best to make sure he's available if they make the big one. This will come as a surprise to the Pies fans who told me with a perfectly straight face the next day that the umpiring was part of a rort to set up a blockbuster Carlton vs Collingwood final next week. Sorry for interrupting the conspiracy by kicking like arseholes.</p><p>If cramming more than 90,000 people together for a crucial game between traditional rivals wasn't enough, this added an element of spite to it. It became the equivalent of a political rally where our fans would lose their mind every time Maynard went near it, and the other lot tried drowning that out by greeting him like Nelson Mandela. I used to think Essendonians were the most likely to be swept up by Trump-style populism, but while they're probably still #1 for thinking there's a microchip in the COVID vaccine, this showed Pies fans would be first in line to overturn the results of a democratic election by force. I understand getting defensive about one of your players being treated like a war criminal, but the normal reaction is not to double down with a standing ovation whenever he's around.</p><p>Controversial tribunal cases are footy's version of an ink blot test. If Brayshaw had gone through him like a freight train they'd have been baying for blood while we'd have been going through the Zapruder Film frame-by-frame trying to prove he shouldn't be rubbed out. JVR spoiling the Gold Coast player's head off was much closer to a 'football incident' than this (and will probably form part of the defence here, which is ironic because van Rooyen later got a week for elbowing some galoot in the jaw) but some of our fans were ready to cut anyone who suggested he was responsible.</p><p>It's ok to admit that one of your lot played close to the edge, made a mistake and has to pay the price. I don't believe Bugg meant to biff the Sydney player in the head but once his misdirected jumper punch landed on the chin he had to face the consequences. It's stupid for Pies fans to try and play it down like there's no case to answer, but equally bad for us to pretend we wouldn't see it differently if circumstances were reversed. This is not at a popular view, so I'll be checking my brake cables before leaving home tomorrow morning. </p><p>We might have been struggling to stay in touch, one key player down, and any pre-arranged plan for the substitute ruined, but at least I wasn't interacting with any of the people around me. Then, after years of faithful service the batteries in my radio finally gave in on the one night I couldn't move. My fault for not doing the smart thing and changing them at some point since 2021 but any danger of this happening 27 minutes into the last quarter against Hawthorn, not roughly an hour of use later? This left me stuck between two people who were up for a chat, one who spoke at an absurdly loud volume, yelled out stupid shit, and thought every under-the-breath-muttering was an invitation to join in. </p><p>As the game went on I didn't mind emergency bonding with the quiet one, but the other gave me the shits. I'm not going to hold being enthusiastic against anyone just because I'm damaged goods, but was paranoid that somebody would think I endorsed this nonsense, or even worse that he was my dad. Now that the MCG has a Prayer Room and a Sensory Room, they should also open a Misery Room, where you can still see the game while shielded from other humans.</p><p>This looked like the biggest sink in a hotly anticipated final since the 2018 Prelim. This year we had a goal before half time, but that downfield free was our only score of the first quarter. The ball got forward enough, but when it wasn't being picked off via marks, it would soon be in a chain of free players and I was pondering when to bite into a concealed cyanide pill.</p><p>Collingwood's defence deserves credit for turning so much back, and we need to have frank and open conversations (e.g. throwing of a kettle) about the delivery, but our forward line looked awful. If there's anything even marginally positive for Melksham's career-altering injury it's just we can believe that he'd have made a difference, even after recent evidence of a promising home and away finish not translating to September. I think he'd have helped, we really lacked a player to fill the gap between Fritsch and the talls. Presumably that's why the bloke from Adelaide has spotted a gap in the market and asked for a trade. He may have had second thoughts watching the way the ball was arriving down there.</p><p>Now that it's happened I was probably wrong about McDonald replacing Melk off the back of five goals against mid-table slop in a VFL fake final. More so when the game was going to be played in or adjacent to rain, but what other options did we have? The popular choice now is Grundy, even with zero evidence that he'd offer anything in attack. Even before the Brayshaw decapitation strike Pies fans were so spicy they'd have chaired Joffa off as a hero, so the only benefit I can see is that we might have capitalised on the drama of him playing against his old side. There were only half-hearted boos when he was shown on the screen, but on the way out of the ground somebody who fancied himself as funny was yelling "Wherrrrrrrrrrrrre's Grundy?" The answer was being plenty by your club to sit on his arse in the stands. </p><p>And if not him, then who? A fit Brown's octopus arms would have been handy for contesting the mad long bombs but he was last seen moving like the elderly, Schache is so 'break in case of emergency' that he should be kept behind plastic, and that's about as far as our medium to tall forward stocks go. If I had any faith we'd have lowered the eyes (cliche!) I might have started Laurie (not knowing he'd have one kick in 3.5 quarters), or picked Spargo but until there's analysis from somebody who knows what they're talking about I'm as upset at the ideas as the personnel.</p><p>On the topic of forwards, did Chandler ever set foot inside the forward 50? Every time I saw him he was contesting at half-forward. Other than the Crows game he hasn't done much in the second half of the year, but I reckon you'd get more out of him running into scoring positions. And with Pickett barely holding on under the 'could do anything at any time' rule, we were desperately lacking danger at ground level. Maybe we find out the Pies strangled us with the greatest defensive tactics of all time but until then I'm in the camp that we did more to lose this than they did to win it.</p><p>It didn't need to be like that, other than surviving a couple of dud set shots at the other end we won the next 10 minutes. The problem was that it came to 0.0.0, before they got one from beyond 50 via a defender who'd previously kicked one all year. That's the sort of goal from nowhere that we were sorely lacking. Even a score from nowhere would have been nice, after a quarter where promising moves died by the dozen.</p><p>We almost got to quarter time with the chance of keeping scores so embarrassingly low that our issues didn't matter. Then our response to that goal was to let them sweep straight out of the middle, where their version of the hit and hope long bomb just happened to land in the arms of a guy facing in the other direction. Occupied or not, the seat in front was in danger of being kicked to shards. Famous last words but while I could take a loss, I couldn't face humiliation.</p><p>This left us 20 points down, without a mark inside 50, and looking like we'd be lucky to beat their score in four full quarters. Other than some moments of outright stupidity in the third quarter we never played worse, but it didn't leave much room for error. We came back from slightly less against them on Queen's Birthday, and more at the end against Brisbane but you can't do it against good teams all the time.</p><p>From here, Oliver and Petracca turned up, and Gawn clearly took it on himself to try and make a difference but my first half favourite was Bowey. He's been blah recently, but was brilliant here and helped launch a few attacks that eventually came to nothing. We were doing so much better now, but failure to convert meant several minutes of dominance was wasted when Collingwood got the first goal anyway. The only thing Channel 7 like more than fans doing their block over umpiring is catching them having a personal crisis, and on the weekend of holding the camera on a Saints fan just long enough to catch the tear coming out of her eye thank god they didn't catch me sulking here. They could have got both in one artistic shot, there was a guy down the front who was so animated that he nearly went over the railing a few times.</p><p>Our attack got so bad that Lever of all people was left trying to work out which part of the rotating clump to kick at, thought he'd try something different, and booted it 20 metres directly to a defender standing on his own. It was bad but unique. It took a rare moment of space for Pickett to mark, get our second, and keep up the average of one goal per quarter. </p><p>There were two more points, and god knows how many fails to score, but importantly we were clinging on, not letting them ruin it all by going down the other end and kicking a goal. We gave more of the same after half time, and even I saw a legitimate path back. And then another period on top went out the window when they kicked a goal. As the next followed shortly behind I hated myself for believing.</p><p>The problem with scoring bugger all is that you can win (see Carlton part one and Queen's Birthday), but more likely won't (see GWS, Carlton part two, this, and probably Carlton Part three). Either way, it means a lot of uncomfortably tight finishes. No wonder we're up to nine games decided by 10 points or less, all since Round 8. You never know when randoms will go crazy and start booting them from everywhere September 25 style, but right now I seriously doubt our capacity to finish the year with three consecutive winning scores.</p><p>For all the shit poured on our coaches about the failed forward line, I've got some sympathy for them. The Grundy + Gawn = Goal plan was always ambitious, but they got Brown to Round 1 fit and firing before he fell apart, then had Petty and Melksham offering various degrees of The Answer before exploding, so in a way what were they supposed to do? In another way, could they not have done something other than this?</p><p>This is where things got stupid. Sparrow plucked a much-needed goal from a forward stoppage, before we ruined the momentum by letting them answer immediately. But then we cancelled that one quickly, only to let them fang out of the middle for another and end back where it started. If we'd somehow pulled a win out of our arse you'd look back at stuff like this with glorious bemusement instead of sad regret. Like when Fritsch got a free late in the quarter while we were five goals down and on life support, putting his hand up to say he'd like the shot, only for Smith and Langdon to try playing on, ending in a low percentage miss from an angle. That made me mentally walk out, leaving a three quarter time break bitterly watching some dickhead not win a TV, in the last of some of the lowest rent 'matchday experience' segments you'll ever see.</p><p>We did so much farcical stuff that getting within seven points was some sort of achievement, but watching us batter them for the next 30 minutes just made me angry about being closer. The comeback took a couple of minutes to get going, via Cox taking his revenge on Petracca for Queen's Birthday by landing on his leg, temporarily making me think Trac had been seriously injured too. That would have been cause to watch the rest with head in hands while wondering which sport I was going to switch to in 2024, but led to the belated arrival of McDonald, who took an extra step on a close-range shot that would have gone down like a fart in an elevator if he'd been tackled.</p><p>That was a start, and when we finally got some luck from a ball dropping right into the path of a sliding Smith even a confirmed sporting emo like me had to admit we might land a famous victory, with burst tyres, on a pitch-black runway ringed by landmines. </p><p>Then we went back to burning chances like pyromanics. The McSizzle revival would have been alive if he hadn't missed the sort of set shot he'd have kicked while blindfolded a few years ago, before Fritsch marked in the pocket for his chance to cut the margin to single digits with shitloads of time left. I was halfway through thinking "Surely to god the man who kicked six in a Grand Final isn't going to be overawed by the occasion", then *boing* it shot off on the full at right angles. That said all you needed to know about this fiasco. Unless his foot fell apart again as ball met boot there was no excuse for a set shot that bad, but I'm willing to lay partial blame on Joel Smith running off the ground straight past him on the boundary side as he lined up. The player on the mark was also wandering around like the lost tribes of Israel but none of that was bad enough to justify such violent shank.</p><p>We may never know why Fritsch waited until then to do the worst set shot of his career, but as far as I'm concerned it's evidence for my theory that we'd never have won 2021 if the finals were played here. If they can't handle the expectation now, imagine what it would have been like when the drought was still live. Spending a month in a Perth cult compound was the best thing that's happened to us since Neil Crompton went forward in '64. Maybe it's a good thing that all the focus will be on Carlton next week, and hopefully Brisbane for the Prelim. Maybe it won't help a bit, I don't know anymore. </p><p>After warming up with that terrific clanger, Fritsch made amends by marking amongst Collingwood's rapidly cracking backline and it was back to seven points with enough time to challenge. I was up for extra time if that's what it took, so would probably have died on the spot if they'd gone straight out of the middle for a goal. </p><p>Instead, our last quarter dominance continued, and as I was reduced to checking the remaining time on the AFL app Pickett swept onto the ball, turned to snap and my footy life flashed before my eyes just long enough to realise that it was going out on the full, still leaving us two scores short of doing anything except losing. Collingwood could have done something stupid from the free, but got the ball safely as far away from goal as possible, ran the clock down and it was over. Cue mass hysteria, and in at least one case fans <a href="https://twitter.com/Collin_G_Wood/status/1699992363022827593" target="_blank">punching shit out of each other</a>. </p><p>I was as flat as a tack and just wanted to get home as soon as possible, only to be stuck trying to negotiate a crowded stairwell in not-at-all-safe fashion, contemplating gouging the eyes of the fuckstick neutral (?) who was lecturing our fans for negativity because "you only lost by seven". In a condescending, deserving of a gouge way that should have been kept to himself, numnuts had a point. This wasn't the 2000 GF, 2018 PF etc... where you could replay it 50 times and never win. Other than the obvious flaw of only scoring 53 we were more than a match for them, and would fancy our chances in the unlikely event of a Grand Final rematch. We'll have to go the long way to find out, and for now I reserve the right to focus on the worst case scenario.</p><p>After stressing about the prospect of getting home amongst 90,000+ people, then having to get up frighteningly early the next morning all that saved me from grabbing the overhead wires at Jolimont was immediately getting on a train that wasn't packed so tight you could feel your internal organs liquefying. If only one miracle finish was available I'd have gladly gone home via replacement horse and cart at 4am after a win. </p><p>See you in 12 months for another go at making the double chance count. </p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes<br /></b>5 - Max Gawn<br />4 - Jake Bowey<br />3 - Christian Petracca<br />2 - Clayton Oliver<br />1 - Steven May</p><p>Apologies to Hibberd, Lever, McVee, Sparrow, and Viney for punching on when nobody else would.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />Petracca had this won ages ago, but he has now tied Oliver 2022 for the highest score in competition history. It doesn't feel like a record season but the numbers don't lie. Elsewhere, with anywhere between 5 and 15 votes left, Gawn now can't do worse than a share of the Stynes and by christ if Grundy gets the required 3x BOG to tie him something bloody remarkable will have happened. May could still lose the Seecamp to Lever or Rivers but refer previous statement about remarkability. That means the only real action in the Rising Star. van Rooyen's suspension is great news for McVee, who still clings to a narrow lead. Still time for anyone down to Kyah Farris-White (NB: this is a real person) to snatch it with one BOG. </div><div><b> </b></div><div>70 - Christian Petracca (WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />40 - Jack Viney<br />30 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year), Clayton Oliver<br />26 - Max Gawn (WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)</div><div>18 - Jake Lever, Trent Rivers<br />14 - Angus Brayshaw, Kysaiah Pickett<br /></div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Jake Bowey, Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler</div><div>9 - Bayley Fritsch<br />8 - Lachie Hunter, Jake Melksham</div><div>7 - Harrison Petty<br /></div><div>4 - Michael Hibberd, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown, Alex Neal-Bullen</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>It could so easily have been Pickett at the end, but on a night of slim pickings I'm going for Sparrow's quick goal out of the pack when it looked like we may never kick another. </div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett (the second one) vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>Next week</b><br /><div>Get your blocky VGA through a 14.4k modem score review system ready, it's Carlton again. Like us in 2018 they're going off like a volcano after winning a first final in years, taking things a frightening step further and nearly throwing it away at the end. Here's to their cover version of that season-ending before eliminating a top four side. It'll just save them being humiliated in an interstate prelim. </div><div><br /></div></div><div>Carlton might have fallen over the line against the luckiest finals side since they themselves replaced the disqualified Essendon, but it's a new game on Friday. No Harry McKay is a bonus, probably cracking the door open for somebody you've never heard of before to kick five, but I'm worried about arriving with our forward structure in disarray against a side that's already held us to 61 and 56 points. On the other hand, we won't lose another final to Sydney, and it should mean a spike in discussion of the much-loved <a href="https://demonwiki.org/Qualifying+Final+2000" target="_blank">2000 Qualifying Final.</a> Best not rely on another comeback from 30 something points down in the third quarter this time.</div><div><br /></div><div>We beat them the first time (generously helping boot some life back into them before Voss was sacked), and might have done it again later in the year if not for goal umpires and reviewers playing Choose Your Own Adventure, but I'm on red alert for another rotten score. I'll take a win by anything up to forfeit or disqualification, but until it happens I can't believe we'll successfully hold them to 44 again.I'd like to say they just played their Grand Final and are set to gently ease out of a season that was narrowly saved from disaster, but I don't trust either side to do as expected. With no other big Victorian clubs playing next week, Maynard Tribunal Watch is the only thing that will sap the mind-altering frenzy around them. Stand by for the inevitable 'Ron Barassi wears two scarves' photo on the cover of the <i>Herald Sun</i>. </div><div><br /></div><div>Brayshaw's concussion and JVR's suspension leave us needing to fill two spots from a bare-bones collection of remaining senior players. Now that Casey's season is over we're down to judging the form of replacements from a VFL kickaround where Harmes did a hammy. So that leaves Brown, Grundy, Jordon, Schache, Spargo, Tomlinson, Turner and Woewodin as the only remaining senior players. Which doesn't really inspire confidence.</div><div><br /></div><div>Unless we do something left field and zany, Jordon will probably replace Brayshaw and will hopefully turn up with something to prove. If poor Dunstan's knee had help him that might have been his chance. Turner and Tomlinson (who must have booted the TV in when McKay went down) aren't what we need, which leaves the rest of them scrapping for one spot in the forward line and a presumed replacement for Laurie on the bench. He took a few steps forward in Sydney but couldn't get near it in 3.5 quarters here, so even though we don't know how Woewodin will go as an impact sub I'll have him instead.</div><div><br /></div><div>All the focus will be on the forward line, and while he is in no way the answer to the problem, JVR's suspension may set off an unlikely #bradburyplan route for Grundy to return. We'll need a second ruckman, and it gives us the option of parking Gawn at full forward if things get desperate. I appreciate his service and couldn't give half a shit that he's already meeting with his future employees, but can't see how he helps. He's not going to do much with tumbling, 'get this thing away from me' kicks dropping 10 metres to his right at speed, so it's on the rest of them to improve the way they get the ball down there. It doesn't have to be marked every time, just not shot out like a laser beam.</div><div><br /></div><div>Grundy also gives us the chance to pull off one of the great end of season storylines. We've lost the Academy Award winning potential of premiership heroes May and Melksham embracing on the dais (although... May wins premiership, tries to gives medal to Melk, all cry, *roll credits* would still be good), but Grundy fixing up future employers Port in a Prelim, then the club that's still paying part of his wages in the Grand Final would be good too. Or it will fail miserably and he'll be a convenient scapegoat because he's leaving anyway. </div><div><br /></div><div>So if that happens, then the question is what to do with McDonald. He struggled, and with apologies for time missed due to injury hasn't played a really good game against anyone except West Coast since mid-2021. My first instinct is to turf him, but I don't want Schache, and even if Brown is fit how many intercept marks will we feed them with him and Grundy as the key talls. The left-field option for the forward line is to stick Petracca there, but you've already lost one midfielder so it's a lot of pressure on the rest of them. This went alright earlier in the year but I doubt we'd have the grapefruits to try it while staring down a fourth straight finals loss. </div><div><br /></div><div>That's about it, other than being right on the verge of ditching Chandler for Spargo. I'd rather let him go inside 50 first, rather than expecting him to play up the ground. And I'm not enamoured with Salem right now, but what are you going to do?</div><div><br /></div><div>IN: Grundy, Jordon, Woewodin (sub)<br />OUT: Brayshaw (inj), van Rooyen (sus), Laurie (omit)<br />LUCKY: Chandler, McDonald, Salem<br />UNLUCKY: Spargo</div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>We should win but don't bet your life savings on it. And if we do, is there any half chance of it being comfortable? The ground will be packed with opposition fans in an incredible state of excitement and I'd like to remove them from the equation as soon as possible. </div><div><br /></div><div>And if you need a reason to think twice about joining the ticket queue on Monday... </div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">New warning to be played before our MCG finals <a href="https://t.co/eXscpQnVVM">pic.twitter.com/eXscpQnVVM</a></p>— Adam 1.0 (@Demonblog) <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1700106008855806098?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">September 8, 2023</a></blockquote><div>You win some (home and away games), you lose more (finals). I haven't got the excuse of work to avoid watching us lose again this year so I'll turn up, hope for the best, and end the night under heavy sedation.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b></div><img border="0" data-original-height="856" data-original-width="610" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7TiIVHb_gGmbbq4_GaGyAUUfdg6v_BhADYn5VBjtju8pYVX_aRfsbMy3CM-CI442KMjKfItVU5idU9IwL2d-0GZC4WkR6-fXfA3zSzOH8Qg5sMHcUdMQ5uvKDgf5z2eyOyRd59-xShSAW3CXTXkMtyl9jI-yBx7nb5TRJoC91CpB52a68A_jRfTLdcaU/w285-h400/Screenshot%202023-09-09%20195924.png" width="285" /><br />Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-72741116968608916682023-09-03T00:26:00.000+10:002023-09-03T00:26:02.912+10:00The best premiership defence is a good offence...<p>... even if it takes 40 minutes to warm up, and is assisted by the opposition playing like they'd seen a ghost at half time. In a 10 game season every win is vital, and coming back from two goals down to stomp a finals contender into dust is about as good a start to the season as you'll get.</p><p>This didn't always look like happening, at one point we were heading for a disappointing night against Collingwood on the level <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2018/02/the-sound-of-rapidly-deflating-balloon.html" target="_blank">of when</a> Mo Hope became the first AFLW Kingsley. Then, after a speech from the coach that must have been quoted liberally from the lyrics of My Chemical Romance the Pies came back for the third quarter in a state of total misery and were dismantled in expert fashion.</p><p>The real milestone was not the unfurling of flag #1, it was that after seven full seasons I finally got to a live game in Victoria. It helped when somebody recognised that a marquee match was best played at a civilised venue instead of the furthest of outer suburbs. I'm sure there's a Casey local who's been there for every game rain, hail or shine and felt slighted at the flag going up at Princes Park, I say they got 8500 people to this and should play big Friday night games there every week. Instead there's one jammed into 5pm next week so it doesn't get in the way of the men's finals, then Friday night coverages switches to hotspots like Frankston and Cairns. </p><p>You wouldn't get this many people every week, it was certainly boosted by Round 1 + flag raising + general Melbourne vs Collingwood excitement. I don't think they expected to more than double the crowd of last year's opener, leaving the queues for everything inside the ground in such an unruly state that they were tangling with each other and causing total chaos. Having the hot dog fans intertwine with the schnitzel faction and the queue for the whizzer is still better than Collingwood playing Essendon on their training ground at 11.05am Grand Final day. Here's to that being their only involvement on 30 September, but christ knows why you wouldn't play that at a decently accessible ground in prime time. For better or worse there's a public holiday on Friday, play it at Princes Park on Thursday night and see how many you get. They probably tried to before the Pies sooked about playing a home game at Carlton's ground. Make them play there against Port in prison bar jumpers and if they don't like it FO and start a new competition.</p><p>Anyway, not much has changed in AFLW land since that glorious day in some obscure part of Brisbane last December. Our list is basically the same, despite the league introducing the long predicted rule that allowed the shit teams to swipe anybody who'd agree to join them. Plenty of other clubs lost players to this, we won a flag and kept the whole side intact except for the retiring Daisy Pearce. With minimal list alterations the biggest news out of our camp was the Paxman rebrand that sees her now referred to as Paxy Paxman (according to the website), or simply 'Paxy' (according to the team introductions at the ground) like a Brazilian soccer player. I'll be going off <a href="https://twitter.com/MrPeterHolden/status/1694611331805302870" target="_blank">this advice</a>, before inevitably botching it and being cancelled by Round 4. The same people who happily call players 'Dusty', 'Buddy' and 'Jeffy' will scoff but what somebody wants to be called is the least of my worries. However, I'm not altering history so don't get snippy on behalf of other people if see the 2017-2022 vintage name crop up on an old post. </p><p>One change I'll never involve myself with is calling this stadium 'Ikon Park'. Maybe Optus Oval for nostalgia purposes, but otherwise bootleg sounding sponsor names for venues can get in the bin. It's nice to see the place has had a little bit of a sprucing up since I was last there <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2011/03/let-good-times-roll.html" target="_blank">several million years ago</a> years ago. You still wouldn't want to be there with many more than 8500 people but it's come a fair way since the days when I still had free time, went to a Casey/Northern Blues game, and found a disused washing machine at the bottom of the Legends Stand.</p><p>Regular national TV exposure from AFLW coverage has also helped Carlton land a full complement of sponsors around the back of the stand. Some of them look like companies one step off a Ponzi Scheme, but every dollar helps when it cost the Blues millions to build the thing before the league 'gently encouraged' them to stop playing there. I would like to draw your attention to the pissweak state of the signage for this well-known ball manufacturer:</p><img border="0" data-original-height="562" data-original-width="615" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtzAP7TPl_X3aVgathfAhHM0q5U6ux7ljcKY-D-P7QbKrM8IBftk1i-K1XsJEJYK6vVwsaLWrOn6hVg8ynmysTzdmn0Wj-fk5DRayCUBI8WsvTFKTmfnrPfm8UE-_1UFreek8moy-vii4MbLH0d3Lx-viE-Q6JgOFqNUmeOgIHo4HcTG71r28bCC5FvlM/s320/RossFaulkner.jpg" width="320" /><p>It's the grown-up version of kids sticking felt letters on fuzzy paper, and compares unfavourably to the sleek, canvas Puma ad to its right. Of all the letters to remove I can't believe somebody's tried to prise away 'U', when the obvious thing to do would be to make the bottom like say 'F_U_K_ER'.</p><p>Then there's this mystery company who must have stopped sending cheques:</p><p></p><img border="0" data-original-height="296" data-original-width="476" height="199" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgP1pUO2BZEhDJPFd2Bkm41CEww3RBZzETJFsdVii3j6EaOYzIxs17shTD8Y5CnLLtfKy6sR09HpZn_TqyBhVmPS-h86rpmLMwIkuiwjJLv59Aypm5iq-l1oACnOP2b414G3fAfAwd0MglyDufX-HwRC7ajAEqNEDvERKXi1ayVXX4iho-s_K9lbDPqAoc/s320/tarp.jpg" width="320" /><div><br /></div><div>And as for Ideal Fasteners, I'm sure they're great if you need something fastened but my philosophy is to never trust any organisation that still puts www. in its website address.</div><div><br /></div><div>I was especially keen to see the flag raising live, before that plan was nearly destroyed by my near suicidal decision to try and park in a nearby street. It meant just getting to the top of the stairs as the all-important bit of cloth was hoisted. Can't say why it matters to me, but it does. Somewhere in a personality psychologists would have a field day with lurks a sentimentalist at heart. There was a further heartwarming moment when my kid (who remained surprisingly keen to attend until losing interest just as we started playing like the Harlem Globetrotters), insisting we sit as far back as possible. I'd never outlined my Row MM philosophies to her, it must just carry down in the DNA. Technically there was one row further back that only had two seats, but the novelty value of that was overwhelmed by a giant pole obstructing the half the field.</div><div><br /></div><div>After barely having time to watch All The Goals videos in 2023, the combination of watching a game at that ground for the first time in over a decade, supervising a nine-year-old, and driving back to Parkville after first passing through at 4am that morning meant I couldn't do this game even the usual levels of justice without a replay. I was discombobulated in a way that hasn't happened since my contact lenses went troppo while we were playing St Kilda <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/welcome-to-leisuredome.html" target="_blank">in 2010</a> and most of the game was like trying to watch SBS via aerial on Channel 28 in 1989. This meant I got to enjoy the live experience and Channel 7 teasing me with Jason Bennett before restoring the usual cast of sub-Footy Show buffoons for the big finals. We'll always have the 2021 Prelim, which is the night they should have handed Brian Taylor a map to VFL venues and informed him that they'd found somebody else.</div><div><br /></div><div>If you're looking for consistency between the men's and women's game, winning here required coming back from the brink of death to win after wasting a truckload of forward chances. Eight seasons in I've come to terms with being patient and waiting for something to come of our inside 50s, but there was still a rush when the new era of Paxmania opened with a turbo burst from the middle and immediate forward entry. Maybe this would be the year we'd go into attacking juggernaut mode. It actually did happen later this evening, but not here. </div><div><br /></div><div>Like most of the early attacks we got nowt out of it, but even if it took us time to find the formula, and she missed a chance to snap the first goal, Harris was in absolutely everything forward. Freed from having to be the second ruck helped set up a night of marauding around the front half of the ground getting involved in everything. I'd argue this was one of her better games for us. </div><div><br /></div><div>All this early attack only resulted in points, including Sherriff missing a sitter from 30 metres directly in front, and I was sourly thinking that any minute they'd get a lucky one and waste all our early dominance. Enter human highlight reel Alyssa Bannan, the most exciting celebrator in years. Even if she never got another kick I'd think back fondly to realising we'd won the Grand Final because of her celebrations, but if she plays/reacts like this all year it will be the local equivalent of box office gold. </div><div><div><br /></div><div>I felt bad for our MC/hype person, who was appropriately over the top enthusiastic but had to scramble after every goal to work out who'd kicked it. Set shots allowed plenty of time for pre-perusing of names, but open play goals were usually followed by awkward silence while you knew she was yelling "who the bloody hell kicked that?" off air. This isn't an isolated thing, last week your friend and not mine BT left several seconds of dead air while he frantically tried to identify Bailey Laurie. Our equivalent had the misfortune of scanning for #16, accidentally merging with #18 and telling us that the first goal of the year was kicked by 'Casey Bannan'. Still better than my two game stint as a ground announcer before self-reporting as shit at the job.</div><div><br /></div><div>9-0 was a much better reflection of the game before things went undeniably tits up for the next quarter and a bit. It was nice to see Eliza McNamara lay on the assist, I can't even imagine the process of fracturing my spine, and considering the headline of her return video was "<a href="https://www.afl.com.au/aflw/video/1015978/i-had-to-learn-to-walk-again-elizas-road-back-from-spinal-injury?videoId=1015978&modal=true&type=video&publishFrom=1692746656001" target="_blank">I had to learn to walk again</a>" it's amazing that she's playing contact sport again less than 12 months later with no obvious side-effects. And because they AFL's attempts to break up the good teams failed on us we get to roll a very good player straight into a premiership winning side.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our player retention makes us worthy premiership favourites, but my gender-interchangeable theory of being vulnerable to relying on low scoring, defensive wins looked spot on for the rest of the half. Our backline was so good last year that the season ended with a winning Grand Final score of 19, but they were all at sea in the first half. When the ball was evacuated from defence it usually worked well, but once it was trapped at their end we looked more vulnerable than any time in recent memory.</div><div><br /></div><div>Having said that, the first goal wasn't their fault, with Purcell dragging the ball in like a fishing net. I'm prepared to whinge about umpiring decisions, but that was gratuitous. In went the goal, up went a pair of horns in tribute to former Pies legend Brodie Grundy, and we'd torched 15 minutes of dominance. Being clearly the better side to that point was rendered useless when they hit the lead right before quarter time. Never mind, you thought, if we hammer the ball down there enough somebody's going to have to kick goals. Then they got the first two after the break and our post-flag homecoming was in shambles.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>I'd have been prepared to go under oath in footy court to argue that we were still the better side, even with Brianna Davey hoovering up possessions and clearances at a seemingly unstoppable rate. It's just that at the time I had zero faith that we'd kick another three goals, let alone hold them to a low enough score to win but from there things almost entirely went our way. </div><div><br /></div><div>Collingwood's hadn't disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle yet so they were still making us work hard. We did get a stroke of luck when Sabrina Frederick ruined her status as Most Likely To Kingsley favourite with every betting agency in Australia by missing a point blank snap through an unguarded goal from the square. She flirted with W. Kingsley status but kicking three of her 26 goals from 60 games against us in 2018, but thankfully GWS did their usual witches hat impression two weeks later, let her get four, and we were off the hook. </div><div><br /></div><div>For now things were going so badly that we gave away a holding the ball free on the line because it was too locked in to be rushed. I'm sure Goldrick would have gotten away with it if she'd done some pantomime fake attempting to handball. By now even I was ready to admit that the Pies were on top, as we looked to be in full 'escaping a burning building' panic mode. The bit where their leading goalkicker went off injured probably helped.</div><div><br /></div><div>Our comeback started from an unlikely source, as Georgia Campbell achieved a rare feat only previously known to have been done by Colin Sylvia. She goalled with her first kick in her second game, and in a unique twist it was stretched across two seasons. The commentators didn't mention it but we know it was her first kick because she only had one for the game but it's a start. You couldn't fault the competitiveness, or contribution to Harris' menacing roaming around the forward 50. It was a developmental performance but there were positive signs.</div><div><br /></div><div>People keep thinking her dad is Tony, which would be good because she could pay tribute by a) wearing a glove, b) looking like an extra in Underbelly, and c) having a failed tilt at an NFL career, but is not true. I'm not surprised that Adrian Campbell's two game stint with us (<a href="http://demonwiki.org/Adrian Campbell" target="_blank">five goals though</a>) at the end of a putrid season has been forgotten, but thanks to the loose as a goose father/daughter rules she could pick us over the Bulldogs. Even the great man Bennett's research failed him, announcing Adrian had played for us first before joining Footscray. I forgive him because he didn't double down by talking four quarters of pure SHIT like most other Channel 7 callers.</div><div><p>I remember Campbell Sr. purely for participating in our <a href="https://demonwiki.org/Round+21+1993" target="_blank">slaughter of Richmond</a> on the day a bird shat on my hand at three quarter time. Sadly it seems the YouTube account that posted the first highlights I'd ever seen of that game since (including Channel 7 being dickheads and skipping an eight goal last quarter) has been terminated. It's not quite as big a loss as the off-air Sunday Footy Show clip of Dermott Brereton talking about "the big tits", or Ted Whitten introducing the Austin McCrabb Medal but not far off.</p><p>The luck continued when that goal was nearly given back by letting one of them walk out of a string of attempted 'tackles' before another close range miss. Maybe we'd have still steamrolled them after the break but a goal here would have ramped up the degree of difficulty. Instead we got to the half a manageable eight points down. With Shelley Heath put on Torment Davey duties, you thought that if we started taking opportunities they could still win. She did, we did, they did, all in spectacular fashion.</p><p>By this stage I was so tired that the drive home threatened to look like an episode of Highway Patrol, before being shaken back to life by some of the best play in AFLW history. Teams have scored more, but usually against putrid opposition that couldn't defend themselves. This was fantastic, not only digging out of a hole but surging to a match-winning lead.</p><p>The party started straight out of the middle, where Davey won the first clearance but kicked it straight to us due to having Heath hanging off her the whole time. Next thing you know Zanker's getting a favourable novelty bounce to boot a goal over the head, and we were within a kick. One turned back attack later and the Pies went "that'll do us", letting Heath storm into an open goal. She was lucky not to be hurt after the attempted smother smashed her into the ground, before the concussion risk trebled with a mobbing from teammates. Shelley survived, went back to tagging the BOG elect into the ground, and came back to double her career goal tally later in the game.</p><p>A lot of the focus was on the superstars but Mackin had a great game. She was about the only defender I had any confidence in early, but played the third quarter like she's been at this game for a lifetime. It would take a lot of smarts on top of natural talent to pick up a completely foreign game but we should recruit an Irish male player ASAP just to retry the same training program she was on. Mackin's sister is also on our list now, and if she turns out to be as good then we should open an office over there. </p><p>Last year my votes underrated Kate Hore's season more than any best and fairest winner before, but she celebrated her elevation to the captaincy with another great performance. We're used to her as a forward, but she went behind the ball and controlled the game like a general here. Her calm under fire at either end of the ground was one of the key reasons we went bananas before three quarter time.</p><p>Now that you know what happens, Zanker missing from barely any distance or angle isn't so bad but you could read on her face after that she'd lost confidence in her set shots. In a roundabout way it turned into a seven point play when the captain tired of saving us at one end, and went forward for a goal. Via a lovely centre clearance started by Hanks, we were straight back inside 50 again, eventually leading to Harris making good for the missed snap in Q1 and somehow leaving us 17 points in front. </p><p>We missed another shot but things were going so well that it wasn't long before the ball was back down there again. Next thing Harris dropped a kick on Bannan at the top of the square and the party atmosphere was in such full force that the big smile and 'thank you' point for the assist came before taking the shot.</p><p>In Mad Minute fashion there was nearly another via the spelling adjacent Tyla/Tayla combination. Hanks picked off a handball in the middle and hit Harris with the most beautiful pass possible. It was the best bit of another first class game from Hanks. </p><p>The kick hitting the post was only a minor downer on probably the best 10 minutes this league has ever seen. If you're one of the weird characters still trying to force people on the scale between skeptical and hostile to get excited about AFL I'd be wary of waving this around as an example in case you're countered with one of the many slopfests that will happened in a still drastically unbalanced competition. Still think a few years of two divisions would have been good for everybody but it's too late for that now. Easy to say when your side would be a confirmed D1 starter in any season of the competition.</p><p>I was a little worried when they had a shot in the opening seconds of the last quarter, but it fell short and any hope they had of launching a challenge soon fizzled out. Not before Zanker might have gotten herself suspended for what looked more like just jamming two knees into an opponent's back for the sake of it. If things come to that she'll probably struggle to launch an "I was trying to mark it" defence due to never actually putting her arms up. There was also a Bannan knee injury scale that looked a lot worse on the replay than at the ground. I thought she was just battling cramp, but the TV footage would have made you think her ACL had exploded like a hand grenade. It had not, and for the sake of entertainment value in the league it had better not.</p><p>The fun continued with Heath running through a half-arse tackle for her second, capping off a great second half. Davey continued to get the ball all night but was never as dangerous again after Shelley went to her. The Pies were playing like they hated life, and had to wear goals from Zanker and a back from the death Bannan (+ further elite celebrations) before they could go home and wonder where it all went wrong.</p><p>This was not very good for a bit, then it was world class. I can't see an Essendon 2000-style unstoppable rampage to the flag but it's hard to see how we don't end up at the good end of the ladder again. Imagine how unusual it will be when they finally force equalisation on this competition and we have to come to terms with being shite for the first time. The good news is that neither of those will happen anytime soon so sit back and continue to enjoy the show.</p><p><b>2023 Daisy Pearce Medal votes</b><br />5 - Tyla Hanks<br />4 - Kate Hore<br />3 - Blaithin Mackin<br />2 - Shelley Heath<br />1 - Tayla Harris</p><p>Apologies to Bannan, Mithen, Paxman and Zanker</p><p><b>Goal of the Week </b><br />I've got a fondness for either of the runners up, but I can't help but enjoy a player kicking a goal over their head from the square. I don't expect it to survive in this spot until the end of the season but it's got the glory of an early clubhouse lead. </p><p>1st - Eden Zanker (Q2) vs Collingwood<br />2nd - Shelley Heath (Q4) vs Collingwood<br />3rd - Alyssa Bannan (Q1) vs Collingwood</p><p><b>Next week<br /></b>Goodbye blockbuster fixturing, hello a team not from Canberra in Canberra at 5.05pm on Sunday. GWS somehow finished above seven teams last year despite being total piss. With no interesting players traded in, and the national draft reduced to nearly zero importance you wouldn't think they'd give us much trouble but stranger things have happened. I'd like to firm up the backline by getting Chaplin back, but otherwise all is well. Like most teams in this competition we've got fish pond depth so may as well try to stick with a settled side while we can. Dees win by more than enough.</p><p><b>Website watch<br /></b>There was much celebration when prize money was (sort of) equalised with the men's competition, and hopefully we end up pocketing the jackpot in both divisions. As far I'm concerned the greatest step forward is that they're finally displaying AFLW match stats in the same format at men's games. No more base level stats that belong in 1970s newspaper reports, unsortable columns, and insultingly patronising tooltips explaining what each stat means. If you're still not sure what a kick is you'll need to do your own research.</p><p><b>Final Thoughts</b><br />That's 50% of the Humiliate Collingwood double ticked off. Let's have more of the same, without the first half scare, on Thursday night.</p></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-36099729786548373582023-08-29T01:02:00.003+10:002023-08-29T10:52:16.650+10:00Return of the Great Australian Free Hit<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZFbuYhsmIknhvzFgp8DR5KHMEIlX_wqDgh06aPE-nWjK-objYN2TfliCrKX6ZdZthJ9Q2ogAYGv_jY2bg_Rk4pL2xVOguXYhL42dhUDYvQQSFrmUUJiputxxIQT2_062ELeKGYy4J3w/s236/WHAP.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="236" data-original-width="200" height="236" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiQZFbuYhsmIknhvzFgp8DR5KHMEIlX_wqDgh06aPE-nWjK-objYN2TfliCrKX6ZdZthJ9Q2ogAYGv_jY2bg_Rk4pL2xVOguXYhL42dhUDYvQQSFrmUUJiputxxIQT2_062ELeKGYy4J3w/s1600/WHAP.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>Five years and a day before this game the <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2018/08/the-great-australian-free-hit.html" target="_blank">original</a> free hit was declared. Back then I was so happy just to make finals that it didn't matter what state they were played in. This caused me to ignore the fact that it wasn't really the stress-free occasion that it felt like after winning. We still needed to win to get a home final, which set off the glorious chain of events that featured 90k going off their tits at the MCG, the Weid randomly running riot, Sam Frost swearing at Joel Selwood, and Hannan's iconic sealer, another massive crowd against Hawthorn, Gee God Boy Wow, and err... stinking up a Prelim in Perth.<div><br /></div><div>Who knows what other great memories would have been made if we'd gone through the 2018 finals the other way, but the sense of liberation was so strong you were just happy to be involved. On the other hand, Round 24, 2023 was confirmed shortly before the bounce to have no impact whatsoever on where we'd finished or who'd we play. The value of the performance to our season will be judged later, and I think it will be looked back on positively, but the fact was we were going to finish fourth and play Collingwood no matter what happened.<div><div><div><br /></div><div>There were a few moments earlier that afternoon where things weren't so simple. Port Adelaide's natural urge to do stupid things had them trailing a dead-in-the-water Richmond, meaning we'd only get a home final by losing. Thankfully they wobbled home, because I was mortified by the idea of people punting home a loss like 2009 all over again. If you thought Collingwood at the MCG was a higher percentage option than Brisbane away you'll get to test half the theory next week, but as flag aspirants I was happy to play anyone, anywhere, and at any time other than Thursday night.</div><div><br /></div><div>It was a good weekend to ponder season manipulation, just as North took advantage of Gold Coast's status as the most useless club since University to dodge the wooden spoon. Good for them, there's a gulf of difference between picking first <i>or</i> second and our famously hamfisted scheme to get both but let the archives show, that my preferred option that year was to retain some dignity by getting the priority pick without finishing last. Then you don't get Scully > Hogan > May > flag, and MFC draftee Dustin Martin would probably have faded away playing for Aberfeldie. It's also funny that presumptive top draft pick King Harley Race probably thought he'd been saved drafting by the Eagles before being screwed by the Suns. I'll hold off on hanging too much shit on him until it's confirmed we're not trading for pick one. </div><div><br /></div><div>Morally, the people who want to play the last round simultaneously have a point, they just can't explain how you do it without Brisbane, Geelong, Gold Coast, Hawthorn, North, GWS, and Sydney always ending the year with a home game. The 'luck' of the 'draw' got the Swans a finish at home here, and thanks to the worst goal umpiring blunder since the last one they'd already qualified for finals. The only positional interest left was whether they could stay at home in the first week by winning. They couldn't not, but only after the best part of three quarters of making life difficult. </div><div><br /></div><div>This season is so wacky that Sydney could end up beating GWS in the Grand Final and I wouldn't be surprised, but it was a timely reminder that we can still run down good teams. The important part is to not let them get too far in front first, and I wouldn't want to be trying this sort of thing in a final. For now let's hope that in a few days we're fondly comparing a tough, come-from-behind win with Collingwood slapping a depressed Essendon for a bit, then jamming on the handbrake at half time.</div><div><br /></div><div>We've had last round games with no impact on the ladder before, but when we started the final game of 2013 three wins adrift of the next best side I was still fanging to win. Mostly because we were 2-19. This also had me watching with the frantic disposition of a withdrawing heroin addict, but with the safety net of a) rediscovering our dignity in recent years, and b) knowing there's a minimum of two games left. My brain said relax, my heart still doesn't like losing, which should lead to some choice meltdowns the next time we're right at the Richmond-style junction of good and ready to die at any moment.</div><div><br /></div><div>After revealing the ridiculous number of our games decided by 10 points or less this year I've got no earthly idea how this didn't turn out the same way. It's inconceivable to me that they fizzed out so badly at the end, like a replay of the second Richmond game but with Fritsch running riot instead of the dearly remembered Harrison Petty. Maybe we were being set up for a Muhammed Ali style rope-a-dope just in case there's a September rematch. It was weird that John Longmire didn't use the sub when the game was in the balance, and ultimately at all. I thought it had to be a first, but the man who once sent Mark Seaby on as his secret weapon has already done it <a href="https://twitter.com/fuzzybluerain/status/1695967699657224208" target="_blank">this year</a>. Goes to show how much notice I take in other clubs if we're not involved.</div><div><br /></div><div>After 25 match reviews covering the pre and regular seasons I'm both exhausted from what's happened, and terrified about the future. There's excitement in there somewhere, just wrapped up tightly in a cocoon of fear. For that reason, and the fact that everyone's moved on, in-depth analysis will not follow.</div><div><br /></div><div>Comparisons to other Round 24 games are limited by this only being our third ever. We all remember The Ox <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+24+1994" target="_blank">kicking nine</a>, but I was almost certainly there when we kicked 20.10 and <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+24+1992" target="_blank">still losing</a> two years earlier and can't remember a second of it. Halfway through the third quarter I doubted our capacity to spread nine goals across 23 players. It started from the first bounce, where we turned a long kick towards goal and several ground level possessions into a stoppage 20 metres back from the where the ball landed in the first place. </div><div><br /></div><div>There wasn't much wrong with us for the first 2.5 quarters, it looked like a repeat of Carlton where we'd keep them to a respectable score but left ourselves vulnerable by kicking stuff all ourselves. The breakthrough eventually came but I'm skeptical of winning via defence every week until late September. </div><div><br /></div><div>Things just felt difficult, and we hadn't yet discovered that Fritsch was going to return in top shape, narrowly avoid more serious injury, then finish the game like it was a Grand Final. He got us going with a delightful lead and mark, as straight down the middle as you like. There were a few years where we didn't do that once all season, and a good reminder of what he brings to the side. Then, in the worst welcome back present of all time we fumbled our way from getting first hands on the ball at the centre bounce to Sydney kicking a goal on the run. </div><div><br /></div><div>Have I told you how much I hate letting the other side immediately reply? I think you'll find as many mentions of the phrase "straight back" this year, as 'farce', 'shambles' or '#fistedforever' a decade ago. Yes, the old 6-6-6 is designed for teams to hammer out of the middle but we're letting this happen too much. No drama letting a few go cheaply if you're going to kick 130 points per week, but we've only cracked the ton three times in the second half of the season so every score should be sacred.</div><div><br /></div><div>Fritsch, still #1 most hated player amongst balding, broken-down, middle-aged men, got our second as well. He looked the only half likely forward, until Melksham somehow left us in front by nearly knocking himself out running into the post while marking. Counter-intuitively, being carted off with a head knock - missing the final the AFL helpfully scheduled within the concussion protocol window - would have been better for his career than what happened later. </div><div><br /></div><div>Even after watching more of the replay than almost any game this year (e.g. about 75% of the Kayo Mini) I'm still not sure how we were in front, but it helped that Sydney's goalkicking was in full peg leg mode. Credit also to a half-tackle, half-bump on the goalline from McVee that saved almost certain disaster. I'm almost certainly setting him up to lose a final via tragic blunder, but the kid has ice in his veins and doesn't seem to be slowing down after 23 games. I still get a rush when they raise the spectre of violent crime by calling him 'Knives'. Sure the ball came straight back for a goal, but it wasn't like he kicked it straight to them.</div><div><br /></div><div>For once we looked more like kicking goals from marks than open play, to the point where even May had one of his rare shots on goal. Finally Brayshaw plucked one from thin air to extend the margin to nine. This didn't feel right, but when we survived the last few minutes without conceding again I was happy to grind out any sort of bullshit win. </div><div><br /></div><div>Two sides defending their arses off wasn't much of a lead-in to a halftime ceremony for one of the greatest goalkickers in the game's history, but if they didn't want to ruin the day with defence they shouldn't have invited us. I wondered if Franklin was thinking that he'd gone early retiring when the Swans looked finished and was now pondering getting on the PA and doing a <i>Wolf Of Wall Street </i>style "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g07Xxr20L9s" target="_blank">I'm not leaving</a>" speech.</div><div><br /></div><div>On resumption, everything went tits up for 20 minutes. They got a goal from a player throwing a boot at a loose ball before landing on his head, then went back-to-back via another centre bounce where we briefly had hands on ball before it was swept in the other direction. Then it went completely Mad Minute, as their third made it back-to-back-to-back. </div><div><br /></div><div>This time there was no false alarm when it looked like we'd go forward, they just grabbed it off the deck and pelted forward for a goal while we stood around with thumb in arse. Or, in Gawn's case finger in eye trying to make sure it was still there after being poked Three Stooges style in the ruck contest. At first I didn't realise what had happened and mistook Max's "I'm flexing my face to make sure it's still intact" look with "I've got a traumatic brain injury and think I'm King Edward III", leading to a few seconds of massive panic. Then, just as he came back they cut to Fritsch hobbling off like his foot had cracked in seven places. So we had that going for us, as well as a fourth unanswered goal via a questionable 50 metre penalty.</div><div><br /></div><div>You'd never have guessed it at the time, but things only got better from there. On the scoreboard anyway, because it was carnage on the personnel front. We were already sweating on Fritsch's faulty foot when Melksham departed in what looked like much better condition but turned out to be an ACL. The random explosion of his knee out of nowhere proves that no matter how dead you play nothing can rule out a serious injury. There goes the much-coveted, already delayed by a year, final shot of the movie where he and May embrace on the dais after teaming up to deliver flag. I'm sad about this, he deserved his spot in the finals and is now probably questionable to even have a job next year. Probably worth parking him on the long term crocked list just in case we need an emergency forward who knows what he's doing late next year.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now that a minimum of one, if not both, of our most important forwards were finished, I'd have laughed at the idea of running down a three goal deficit. Next thing Bowey's clutching his shoulder and the season flashed before my eyes. Of the four potential victims we're probably best placed to replace him but it was all about the "who's next?" vibe of players dropping like flies. Then, just as SCG management was faxing next week's pie order we regenerated like the T-1000 and ran out surprisingly easy winners. It was liquid metal football, and even if I'm not 100% sure how it happened I know it was enjoyable. Nobody else was crippled, nobody shirtfronted an opponent into oblivion, job done, and stiff shit home fans.</div><div><br /></div><div>In a game without many memorable individual performances, Viney and Petracca deserve as much credit for helping us fight back into the game as Fritsch does for winning it. They activated warrior mode, and Trac's goal opened the door for Pickett to put us within a kick at three quarter time. Now we could win without having to find a shitload of goals, and unless we lost more players I was as confident as I'll ever get that we'd finish over the top.</div><div><br /></div><div>It's a sign of good character that we went hard until the final siren, including Neal-Bullen putting on a couple of the best tackles you'll see. He's so homebrand that he didn't even get a mention in the post for his 150th game, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. I'm as guilty as anyone of focusing on the occasional howlers and ignoring four quarters of important effort but you need players like this. Not too many mind you, but he fits the bill perfectly. I've been tempted to drop him many times but in a team that values system over everything else he's the ultimate system player.</div><div><br /></div><div>We got in front early in the final term, but the real razzle dazzle took a bit to get going. There was a delay when what looked like a Smith hanger in the square was taken away due to a JVR block. This eventually led to a goal from the blocker, and Sydney were stopping so suddenly the airbags were about to deploy. </div><div><br /></div><div>Sydney's sub must have thought this was his time to shine, but even with the starting squad rapidly dying in the arse the poor bastard was completely ignored. Maybe Longmire was dazzled by the quick run of chances they had to get back in it, all ruined via shithouse kicking. It didn't cost us, but we arguably did the worst of them all when Hunter tried the worst squaring kick of all time. Nobody didn't expect him to kick it from a bizarre angle like he was the lost Pickett brother but he wouldn't have been vilified for having a ping. My ultimate blind spot with footy players is what foot they kick with but if he could get enough juice on the ball to propel it towards the square it would probably have made a little bit more distance.</div><div><p>We weren't safe, but near enough to when Fritsch walloped through another two for the exclamation point. I got far more excited that was necessary at the second one and yelled "fuck your home final!" at the TV, as if the collective SCG crowd could hear me. Then it was time to go into 2018 Prelim mode and protect the stars on the bench. Bayley's status has gone through the roof since then, leaving him alongside Gawn, Oliver and Petracca in the top four. May and Lever should have been with them, but we weren't far enough ahead to go the Hardwick pre-season option of playing short.</p><p>And while the stars sat it out, Sydney missed the sitter that would have given them an 0.1% chance of making it interesting. For the third successive year we've finished in the top four sides of the competition, historically giving us a red hot chance of winning the flag. That it's gone 1st, 2nd, 4th is not my concern now, every contender is flawed in some way so there's never been a better time to bust through the pack Jack Viney style and win another cup. No alternative scenarios will be entered into at this time.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Bayley Fritsch<br />4 - Jack Viney<br />3 - Christian Petracca<br />2 - Steven May<br />1 - Alex Neal-Bullen</p><p>Apologies to Brayshaw, Lever, McVee, Melksham, Oliver and Rivers.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />With the main result long decided, and two of the three minors as good as beyond reach, the excitement has disappeared and we're left with players jockeying for spots on the podium, and hoping JVR wins the Hilton by kicking shitloads when it counts. Viney's got second tied up, but May's striking a blow for non-midfielders everywhere by jumping Oliver for third. </div><div><b> </b></div><div>67 - Christian Petracca (WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />40 - Jack Viney<br />29 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />28 - Clayton Oliver<br />21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)</div><div>18 - Jake Lever, Trent Rivers<br />14 - Angus Brayshaw, Kysaiah Pickett<br /></div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler<br />9 - Bayley Fritsch<br />8 - Lachie Hunter, Jake Melksham</div><div>7 - Jake Bowey, Harrison Petty<br /></div><div>4 - Michael Hibberd, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown, Alex Neal-Bullen</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>The Fritsch one at the end was ace, but I'm going for the long range Petracca ripper that got us back into it. No change to the top three.</div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett (the second one) vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b></div><div>Join us for another year of our award-winning (?) AFLW coverage. After never getting to a live game until a Grand Final somewhere in the suburbs of Brisbane I'm planning to take advantage of Round 1 not being played in Cranbourne and attend. Original recipe child is extraordinarily keen, even after a brief lull when it was revealed that Princes Park probably won't have a screen let alone Dance Cam but all signs point to seeing another flag raised.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>The week after that</b><br /><div>In a 34 year delayed replay of the first game I ever went to, it's Collingwood in a final again. We're as far from the <a href="https://demonwiki.org/Elimination+Final+1989" target="_blank">1989 Elimination Final</a> as that was from the 1955 flag season, which feels wrong. I can't remember anything about that game, except going with a family of Pies fans who didn't say much on the way home. As Waverley is unavailable, it'll be our first final against them at the MCG since the 1964 Grand Final for god's sake (<i>UPDATE - </i>False, thank you to anonymous in the comments for pointing out there was a <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Semi%20Final%201988" target="_blank">1988 Semi Final at the G</a>. I forget this as I was was all in on a cheap plug <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/p/the-last-hurrah.html" target="_blank">for the book</a>).</div></div><div><br /></div><div>First order of business is replacing Melksham. It won't be with Grundy, regardless of three goals in Casey's VFL Wildcard Round (*spit*) demolition of North, and as good as Laurie was when he came on I'd be happy for him to stay as sub. That means it's time to heat up the BBQ and introduce Sizzle. He's got big game experience, something to prove, and fits our Total Football aspirations. Subject Pickett to a no-fly zone, use the talls to crack open space for Fritsch and hope for the best.</div><div><br /></div><div>At the other end, I didn't think Turner was bad but don't know what Tomlinson did wrong to require instant omission for a third gamer. The people in charge know better than I do but I'll go for experience in these dramatic times. On that note, I'm almost tempted to go for Hibberd over Bowey but will retain control of my bundle for now. It's not easy, the Taylor Swift style ticket buying experience doesn't start until Tuesday and I'm already in shambles.</div><div><br /></div><div>A word too, in the VFL section of our program, for Luke Dunstan. He was the warm-up act on ACL Sunday, which has almost certainly finished his time with us. Jordon was probably still ahead, but after barely playing a game for us over two years he was within hopeful range of playing finals if one of the main midfielders fell over. I still don't know why he joined a team with a stacked midfield, coming off a season where he scored 11 Brownlow votes and could have been a full-timer at any number of dud clubs, and can't actually remember a single moment of his five games for us but feel bad for him anyway. If Gridley's still a thing in 10 years you'll get good points for putting him on the MFC/St Kilda axis. I'll still be rotating between Peter Kiel and Sean Charles. </div><div><br /></div><div><div>IN: McDonald, Tomlinson<br />OUT: Melksham (inj), Turner (omit)<br />LUCKY: Bowey<br />UNLUCKY: Hibberd, Jordon, Laurie (stays sub), Woewodin</div></div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div>It's too stressful an occasion to make predictions, but if we win it would be the best moment in the state of Victoria since separation from New South Wales. That would put us on the Brisbane/Port/GWS/St Kilda side of the draw, while a loss would mean playing Carlton or Sydney again. In this weird season that we find ourselves in, I don't know what to expect but am willing to nearly die before finding out.</div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b></div></div></div><div>Please let something remarkably good happen in the next month.<br /></div></div></div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-37496978619668948972023-08-21T16:19:00.000+10:002023-08-21T16:19:32.209+10:00Spontaneous frustration<p>Sometimes it's ok when a win is as convincing as get well wishes from Jack Kevorkian. When all you need for the big picture are the premiership points, everything that led to getting them can quickly be forgotten.</p><p>This was a confirmed case of getting what we wanted eventually, but not before several hints of blowing it against the 16th place side when anything from a draw up would ensure the double chance. Hawthorn may be the best team to finish third last since our 1900 flag side, but hopes that they'd reached their limit and would gently stand aside didn't pan out. They couldn't string it across four quarters, but when the goal went through 10 seconds into the last quarter I was shitting it big time. </p><p>We've <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2017/08/home-and-broken-hearted.html" target="_blank">got form</a> for unexpectedly dying against also-rans in Round 23 at the MCG and this looked headed the same way a couple of times. Any chance - for the umpteenth consecutive week - of just winning easily? Maybe I was bitter having watched GWS piledrive a past-their-limit Essendon, who beat us when they were still fresh, but other than home soil flags the only thing our glory years lack are a ruthless, triple-figure disembowelling of hapless victims.</p><p>It probably wasn't going to happen this week, since we last played them Hawthorn has recovered to the point where people are comfortable hanging shit on Leigh Montagna for calling bullshit on their rebuild earlier in the year - as if Richmond, Essendon, St. Kilda etc... haven't spent years turning the corner only to fall off a cliff. After they beat Collingwood the frenzy for their future was nearly at women's soccer style "knock down barriers, trample people" levels, so you can't complain about having to work hard. Our premiership hopes are probably better served by a challenge. Remember Geelong winning their last two games of 2018 by a combined 150 points then <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2018/09/weid-people.html" target="_blank">failing to show up</a> in the first quarter of the Elimination Final? I certainly do. Now that we've had the scare and survived I'm all for it, at the time I was cursing leaving the house.</p><p>The extra degree of difficulty was, for once, not rain but the latest *SHOCK REVELATIONS* from the Glenn Bartlett vs Everyone lawsuit. I'm not going into any depth lest I get dragged into the mess, but it's certainly not the first time somebody's suggested a coach was on the rack. The lawyers will work it out, but unless there's secret recordings of Goody flipping a table, or Bartlett's associate scooped up a beaker full of the coach's piss for lab testing we may never know the full story.</p><p>Luckily for Goodwin, whatever drastic twists and turns his life went through in late 2020/early 2021, we stood by him and - in a decidedly non-MFC turn, were rewarded. Winning will make people forgive you for anything short of airplane hijacking, but imagine things had gone badly at the start of that year and we'd ended up with Yze by Anzac Day as I half-expected. Once this came out we'd probably look back at the still reigning Bartlett as a hero and speak of Goodwin only slightly more fondly than Mark Neeld. Now all is well, and I hope the coach is too. As lucrative as the job is, coaching would be a stressful enough job under normal circumstances without having your personal life trawled around the internet for clicks.</p><p>As for Bartlett, he may be right for all I know (and I still stand by his right to crack the shits after that putrid 2020 Port game) but hasn't made any friends during this saga. I don't think much of his post-presidency shenanigans, but the tits up nature of his departure shouldn't detract from his administration putting the club in a good position. I doubt Alan Stockdale and his sausage sizzle powered recovery plan would have left us the same way. May all interested parties sort this out privately instead of regularly throwing hand grenades towards our very much ongoing flag campaign.</p><p>To balance the love/hate ledger, we had Max Gawn's 200th game. As Twitter continues to decay I'll submit my backed up archives for forensic certification to prove I was pro-Max from day one. <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2011/06/violent-mood-swings.html" target="_blank">Looking back</a> at that night it seems incomprehensible that he (and Jeremy Howe) were probably only picked because Juice Newton was injured, but in a rare correct prediction I identified Maximum as a monster player and massive cult figure on the spot. Couldn't stretch my imagination to our next premiership captain, but also didn't think that person had been born yet.</p><p>Max showed a lot of promise that night, including the massive mark taken over Dustin Fletcher that makes all the career highlight packages, followed by the violent close-range shank that is politely excluded. With Mark Jamar at the short but sweet peak of his career, he only played four games in 2011, and missed the next year with a knee injury. After that I was always trying to pick him when fit, but he didn't truly reach the tipping point until that 2015 win <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2015/06/road-warriors.html" target="_blank">at Kardinia Park</a> and never looked back. This may turn out to be his last milestone game, but you don't need to play 250+ games to achieve legendary status. I flinched a bit when they made him captain, but he's been brilliant at it, and no matter what else happens he was the man who held the cup for flag #13, so beat that for a legacy.</p><p>I'm not a fan of omens, but midway through the first quarter Gawn's kid having a meltdown while being carried onto the ground seemed apt. We were letting a lowly, long-finished team do whatever they liked unchallenged. Their dinky, chippy, switch at all costs methods would have killed anyone who still thinks you've got to move the ball forward no matter what but it was working. Every free possession ended with them surgically dissecting us from one side of the ground to the other. I doubted they'd be able to do it all day, but was scared that we'd be like Collingwood and let them build too much of a gap before fizzing out. </p><p>The good news, at first, was that they struggled to turn the festival of possession into decent chances for an understrength forward line. This usually ended in the ball either being stuffed down the throat of May or Lever, or breaking down via a failed kick on the way. Problem was that if either side looked like scoring via brute force forward entries it was them. Even with Melksham doing his best to try and contest every long kick we didn't look even remotely potent. His leaping at the ball was appreciated, especially to try and stop their intercept marking, but somebody please have a chat with Pickett and tell him that he's best suited to waiting for the crumbs rather than trying to join in. He jumps for such ridiculous stuff that it's like somebody's being held hostage and the ransom is 1x Mark Of The Year.</p><p>Our chances were reduced to quick snaps that didn't make the distance, later becoming a raft of set shots that fell short. It was such a weird day that I'm genuinely surprised we didn't lose in weird circumstances again. Maybe there was something in the tactics of the Har Mar Superstar looking Hawthorn fan in front of me who tried hexing all our set shots by holding his arm at head height and vigorously giving the thumbs down.</p><p>For all the space we were leaving around the ground, the regular avenues to Hawthorn's goals were still shut tight enough for now that they had to get the first two via crumb. Now I was having nightmare flashbacks to that zero tackle fiasco against Collingwood. This time we weren't getting close enough to lay a tackle. It should have been three goals to nil, if not for a set shot that missed everything. This got us going, setting up an end-to-end move that ended with Smith goalling from the square. Having to rely on the kindness of 16th placed strangers in the second last round isn't where I thought we were going, but here we were.</p><p>I remember a lot of games in our past where we'd kick the first couple then hoist a white flag the moment one went in at the other end, but not here. They got the third, before we responded with the ultimate tribute to doing everything the hard way, as Viney and Brayshaw nearly buggered up a pair of handballs before Gus found space for the goal. Nervous types like me could have done without novelty golfing celebrations before the game was won. </p><p>Then we had a spot of luck when JVR just pulled in a juggling mark before getting pushed in the back, turning what would otherwise have been a gettable set shot into an absolute certainty. Which was nice, but only survived an instant reply because Hawthorn missed three free targets when bursting out of the centre. That bought us an extra 20 seconds before Sparrow, who was otherwise very good, got caught holding the ball and we were back to where we'd started. By the end they had late inclusion first gamers kicking goals, led by six points, and while it wasn't nearly as bad as 2017 you knew we weren't going to win without a struggle.</p><p>If the other side's going to kick around you, better win the ball at ground level. So Petracca and Oliver having three touches between them in the first quarter wasn't ideal. Petracca looked like he was playing with the flu, and after his triumphant comeback last week, Clayts had to deal with the clampiest of tags. It's not like he hasn't laughed in the face of them before, but it did the job for three quarters on Sunday. He didn't get much help from the rest of the team though, I know they're all trying to avoid being suspended on the cusp of finals but something better than the performative jostling at quarter time might have helped.</p><p>On a weekend where Adelaide got fatally ripped off by the video review system, we got some minor payback for last week when what seemed like a goal from a ridiculous angle was disallowed for contacting the post. While the Hawks were still mid-celebration we were bolting down the other end for Melksham to eventually kick his first after four misses, by giving up on normal goals and just throwing his boot at a ground ball. Any moaning about Hawthorn's goal being disallowed should take in the fact that Viney was well outside the boundary line when tackled for holding the ball in the first place. It was at the exact spot where they missed van Rooyen being tripped last week, so maybe that's an umpiring blind spot? Remember that in case we can use it to cheat in finals.</p><p>By now we were in a much better state, before surprise starter Henry Hustwaite went for a Marcus Baldwin style provisional Kingsley with his second. Then they got another from the bounce, led again, and there were genuine fears of a major cockup. Even when we were paid a nine metre kick inside 50 the shot failed to score. Melksham's second got us in front again at the half, but even in an off chops season like this two points was not nearly enough of a lead to feel good.</p><p>At the same time we were never really threatened in the second half, nor comfortable for most of it. For example, when a random appearance in the ruck by Oliver ended up spilling to Sparrow for a goal we couldn't have given it back any quicker out of the middle. Even if there was a downfield free kick that stopped the clock it would have physically taken longer to get the ball down there and for the player to go through a set shot routine than this took to move from the middle to through the goals.</p><p>There's a bit of wobble in our backline at the moment, but you can't help conceding when the ball comes arrives at that pace. It's in our interest for attacks to come as slowly, and kicked as high as possible and adjusted for playing against homebrand forwards, Lever was tremendous here. More worryingly, at ground level I've got more faith in McVee than either Salem or Bowey at the moment. There was one bit where he bounced out of traffic like a grizzled veteran, and I can't wait for his turn at the Fritsch 2018 treatment of playing every game before being dropped for the Prelim.</p><p>After Melksham got his third it was on the verge of breaking open but we couldn't capitalise. Finally all that unrewarded attacking paid off when one of them did an unnecessary shepherd on JVR as a hopeful punt forward was proceeding directly into the hands of another defender. This should have given back via a horror turnover but we were saved by a novelty bounce. They weren't getting nearly as much free space now, so another couple of goals would have probably made sure of it. This happened eventually, but not before a few minutes where we could have been dragged into something unpleasant.</p><p>No matter what had happened in the first quarter we were never more than a couple of goals down, so at this stage of the game it would have been comical to give away a 13 point lead. That's why them running straight out of the middle (do you sense a pattern?) to kick the first goal within seconds had me clenching like I was in a Turkish prison. It made me wonder if any team has ever stretched a straight sets exit across five games.</p><p>Things went alright after that, they didn't have the legs to keep us running around all day, and as their short kicks slowly became more chaotic we could take advantage. Just 'could', not 'did'. The downside to picking Schache as sub, vaulting him out of the Wayne Moose Henwood Club for one game imports, was that he wasn't really needed, and we had to do a reshuffle to take Tomlinson off, and send Mr. Total Football Smith back. </p><p>I know they'd have cooked this up during the week so he'd have been prepared for all potential opponents, but I'm not sure about voluntarily changing the composition of your backline with the game in the balance. After two goals, I could have done with keeping Smith down there. Instead Schache came on just as we started piling on the pressure, and only got one kick for a missed set shot. He had a go, as you would when trying to save a career, but can't see why you'd pick him again. Looks like it's up to Lachie Hunter to redeem Footscray's losing 2021 Grand Final team.</p><p>Even when van Rooyen's third put the game back to where it was before the last break we weren't safe from something truly ludicrous happening. Enter Oliver, shed of his tag for unknown reasons, and able to pinch a goal from a stoppage to make it safe. Then on cue, Petracca made it even safer and we were free to pile on a few more goals. Or, more accurately, to not score again. After tormenting the score worm a few times recently, the last few minutes of this game look like the heart rate of somebody who's just been taken off life support. But who cares, it did what it was meant to do. I'd like to have piled on a bit of misery but shit in one hand, wish in the other, and see which fills up first. It's not what happened here that's important, it's what follows.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Jake Lever<br />4 - Jake Melksham<br />3 - Trent Rivers<br />2 - Jack Viney<br />1 - Judd McVee</p><p>Apologies to Gawn, Langdon, Neal-Bullen, May, Smith, Sparrow, Tomlinson, and van Rooyen.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />And that is indeed it, with a maximum of 25 votes available Petracca is YOUR outright Jakovich winner. It's his second win, leaving him alongside Nathan Jones (x5) and Clayton Oliver (x4) as multiple champions, and once again making me feel old that I've been doing this so long.</div><div><br /></div><div>We all knew the main event was over, but there's hope for the defenders that May's lead is not insurmountable. I can't see Lever or Rivers mowing down nine votes from here but hope they have fun trying. And the Hilton (retaining its name due no objections received) is very much up for grabs, with any of the rookies able to grab the lot with a single BOG. Best case scenario is JVR to win it by kicking eight in a Grand Final.</div><div><b> </b></div><div>64 - Christian Petracca (WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />36 - Jack Viney<br />28 - Clayton Oliver<br />27 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br /></div><div>21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)<br /></div><div>18 - Jake Lever, Trent Rivers<br />14 - Angus Brayshaw, Kysaiah Pickett<br /></div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler<br />8 - Lachie Hunter, Jake Melksham</div><div>7 - Jake Bowey, Harrison Petty<br /></div><div>4 - Bayley Fritsch, Michael Hibberd, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Alex Neal-Bullen, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>As much as I enjoyed the Melksham super toe-poke that broke his duck, for quality + context and invoking memories of Viney vs Brisbane I'd like a slice of Oliver's stoppage goal in the last quarter.</div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett (the second one) vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Social Media Watch</b><br /><div>I've always had sympathy for footy club social media people, especially when they accidentally <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1691351517956030464" target="_blank">linked to</a> IKEA furniture instead of the team changes. For a frighteningly low wage you've not only got to post every time something happens, but deal with replies from people who think they're speaking directly to the coach, captain and CEO combined. For however long Twitter survives they can, and should, ignore the replies, but now that you're liable for what's posted on your Facebook page they've got to moderate all those mad comments. Especially while defamation is a flaming hot topic at HQ. I wouldn't be surprised to find they've added a filter to automatically block any mentions of a certain ex-stakeholder.</div><div><br /></div><div>Now that we've established my sympathy for these people, what in the name of Adobe Photoshop is going on with our match preview images? They always look like AI gone mad, and this week... </div><blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Turning the 'G pink for <a href="https://twitter.com/BCNAPinkLady?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">@BCNAPinkLady</a>. 💕<br /><br />🏟 | <a href="https://t.co/b8OiRQCUdy">https://t.co/b8OiRQCUdy</a> <a href="https://t.co/OhnTayAmJA">pic.twitter.com/OhnTayAmJA</a></p>— Melbourne Demons (@melbournefc) <a href="https://twitter.com/melbournefc/status/1693035117856591947?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 19, 2023</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
</div><div>... looked halfway between a tribute to the Field of Women, and an invitation to join a futuristic death cult. You've got to watch the quiet ones, but I'd like to know what Ed thinks about being pictured like the modern-day Marshall Applewhite.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b>The All New Bradbury Plan's Final Siren</b></div><div>Now it's down to who you want to play and where. I'd prefer Port also win so we finish fourth and play Collingwood at the MCG, but will take whatever's offered. There's also one last twist for the popular Draft Bradbury, where we'd like Freo to lose to Hawthorn, then drop below Gold Coast after they beat North. Having said that, the Suns are such a shambolic organisation that they'll probably find a way to stuff it up.</div><div><br /></div><div>A special Bradbury Time mention for whoever decides free agent compensation, and has to deal with North's attempt at getting a James Frawley-style priority pick by any other name for Ben McKay. If that comes at the top of the draft it pushes us down one spot, so here's to them getting shafted for our benefit. Either way, enjoy all the simple people complaining about what Hawthorn got for Franklin, not considering that they lost him after winning the bloody flag.</div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b><br /><div>After just enough games to kill off the most exciting finals race in years, we know that there's a minimum of two finals on the cards, and 6/7 of the teams who might stop us, but not yet who we'll play and where. We're the second last game of the round so the result might be irrelevant, but the last time we played at the SCG in Round 24, The Ox kicked nine so let's have a bit more of that.</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div>Unless Brisbane jump Collingwood and we need to win to get an MCG final it's practically a free hit. There's a free week before finals so no need to roll out the randoms, but a little bit of tinkering is fine. For instance, bringing Woewodin in for Laurie, who eventually did enough to suggest he might be handy next year but doesn't seem ready for finals. Spargo is also around somewhere but Chandler's got the "he'll only get seven touches but they'll all be good" market sewn up.</div><div><br /></div><div>We've developed a fetish for substitutes who can play at either end, so I'm going to move from Smith, to Hibberd (who was concussed at Casey, so is out of the equation), to Schache, and onto McSizzle. I still think you run the risk of snookering yourself in having to find a spot for the tall sub where none is available, but if we're going to do it I have faith that he can step back in and do a job.</div><div><br /></div><div>I genuinely have no idea what's going to happen, the Swans have come back from the dead to be finals qualified with a week to go, may be trying to get a home final, and will be desperate to show off in front of the parading Lance Franklin before he leaves and never gives them a second thought again. I'm so down on our record at the SCG that I think they might sneak it. But remember, we struggled to 1.5 wins against the Hawks and turned in a turd in Sydney during 2021 as well. </div><div><br /></div><div>IN: Woewodin, McDonald (as sub)</div></div><div>OUT: Laurie, Schache (omit)<br />LUCKY: Nil<br />UNLUCKY: Grundy, Spargo</div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b><br />What? Me worry?</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-85455525971364531192023-08-15T18:40:00.003+10:002023-08-15T18:40:28.069+10:00Losing on the lottery<p>I can think of about 150 Melbourne games over the years where the rest of the country had something better to do, but it's never been related to Australia simultaneously playing a knockout World Cup game. At some point in the late 90s (<a href="https://twitter.com/j_foreigner/status/1689443446027923456" target="_blank">probably</a> Round 21, 1997) the MCG scoreboard flashed "WE WON!" alongside a netball result, but fair to say there wasn't the same level of frenzy. </p><p>Association Football fever boiled over so much that it even caused a pause in the Codewars, with the MCG showing the women's game (never 'The Matildas', only the second worst nickname in Australia until 'Socceroos' is abolished) on the big screen. At least until they'd convinced a lot of people to leave home, before <a href="https://twitter.com/CorbinMiddlemas/status/1690285568440320001" target="_blank">pulling the pin</a> 40 minutes before the bounce and returning to the regular programming of Wacker McStagbag giving tips from inside a fake McCafe.</p><p>Delaying the start of our game by 10 minutes was one thing, but anyone who thought the AFL of all people would hold until the soccer had been decided was a) delusional, and b) not counting on an epic shootout that went through almost every available player. The non-sports section of the family was more invested in a result than they'd ever been so I kept the insanity in Brisbane on the TV, and watched glanced the inanity in Melbourne on my phone. Besides, I knew the crowd would react when something happened, so live TV would have given it away before it happened on the streaming.</p><p>Unless you're the sort of person who says things like "go woke, go broke" with no hint of irony, it's hard not to get invested in Australia's run to the semis. You're perfectly welcome to have no interest, but I like to think there was a bitter man somewhere in the MCG complaining about people getting excited over a low scoring game just before watching us stay on nil for 95% of the first quarter.</p><p>I really wanted the team that needs a new nickname to win while our game was in play, just for the Western Oval 1987 style roar of the crowd. Instead, they missed from the spot so often that it wasn't decided until quarter time. This let Channel 7 do a "we'd definitely still be showing this if somebody else had the rights" video of their commentators going nuts, including Daisy Pearce receiving a vigorous hug that she didn't seem particularly keen on. This not at all self-interest related conversion to the world game would have set off people who still upset that the same network didn't show Sydney Olympic vs Brisbane Strikers in prime time 20 years ago.</p><p>The most exciting event in women's sports since we won AFLW left as little focus as possible on a Round 21 game with serious finals implications. If anyone was helped by the distraction it was probably the team who publicly exploded when they got a sniff of finals last year. And they got it right this time, but not before a tremendous scare. It must have come as a delight to all the fans who've recently thought they were rorted against us that we were probably dudded by an umpiring howler. That's bad, but we had more chances to win a game than all of 2013 combined, so as they say in the fighting sports "never leave it in the hands of the judges. </p><p>Turns out that trying to win via comeback every week isn't as successful against reborn sides in red-hot form. It didn't need to come to that, you're literally not going to win many games kicking 8.8.56. Last time was Essendon 2012 when a) it continued to piss down during the game, and b) they kicked for goal as if part of the methadone program. Even then Colin Garland spearheaded us to 58. The last time we won a proper game with a total this low was <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+21+1991" target="_blank">Round 23, 1991</a>. I have innocent childhood memories of everything about that season being great, but Terry Wheeler upset enough about us making the finals to say:"If that's what the final six is encouraging then maybe we are barking up the wrong tree". Terry must fall off his chair every time a Wildcard Round is suggested.</p><p>Carlton has now held us to two of our three lowest scores of the year, which either implies that they've got our number or were just lucky to meet us again just after Petty's foot exploded. Nobody expected to be mourning the loss of a converted defender like this, but I choose to believe that the Petty Effect was real. He wasn't the only factor behind our improved scoring as it had been trending in the right direction since Alice Springs, but without him we barely looked like taking a contested mark in attack. </p><p>If anyone knows what they were going for by picking Grundy please write in at the usual address. It can't have been to help keep Gawn fresh as he still rucked enough to have 47 hitouts, and I don't think we ever aimed a kick at him inside 50 so he can't have been there to kick goals/help bring the ball to ground. Since Saturday he's been unfairly treated with less respect than early Spencil, but even he must have known it was weird to play off no VFL game, after average form when Casey did play, in a system that had recently been abandoned because it wasn't working. </p><p>JVR was fine as Gawn's understudy, Max was doing well, I don't get it. Even when the degree of difficulty for big men was lifted by pre-match rain we chickened out on another chance for a tactical late change, not considering the varying chances of emergencies Spargo, Harmes, or Schache to contribute in the conditions. Maybe even go straight to Smith forward, Hibberd back, without waiting half a soggy, slippery game to work out that things weren't going as planned.</p><p>While many potential viewers were otherwise occupied, these teams did the polite thing and made sure almost nothing happened. If you chose shitout over shootout, you saw us absorb an inordinate level of early pressure while looking no chance to kick a good score. We can pile goals on in a rush but you appreciate an early indication that they might come at a regular pace as well. I'd just like to win a game by quarter time again, it feels felt we've been involved in far too many thrillers this year, and on further investigation we have. Last year there were two games decided by 10 points or less, six in 2021, and nothing like this since the early 1970s. I hope this is leading to us winning finals by an unexpected shitload again. Not sure how, but let me dream.</p><p>The biggest news of the opening term was Pickett finally pulling down a screamer. It looked good, but happened on the wing, and didn't end in a score. As we weren't doing anything but turning back attacks I was only paying a little more attention to it than a neutral game so not sure if it even ended with an inside 50. This is a bullshit stat, but it felt appropriate when the graphic came up to show that the Blues had 10 in a row. They were all over us, and as well as we did to hold on until Langdon of all people could get on the end of a mark in the square I'd lost all confidence in scoring enough to win.</p><p>Other than surviving until quarter time less than a kick behind, the only thing to recommend this part of the game was Clayton Oliver turning up after 10 weeks of fluctuating injury drama, without a warm-up game of any sort, and carrying on like he'd never been away. Even if they had been involved in a hamfisted plan to cover up a suspension for running guns to Nairobi, you could have expected a bit of rust. It wasn't his best game, but it wasn't anyone's on our side, I'm just happy to know that he hasn't lost the ability to hoover up bulk possessions. </p><p>In a game that was high on pressure instead of thrilling excitement, he also did his bit tackling everything that moved. As did Viney, but with the sort of firehose-like disposal that would get more coverage if Brayshaw did it. He got shitload of the ball, coaches votes and the fan award, but burnt it at a record rate. I don't expect laser-like disposal in a high pressure game but didn't need to see the 38% efficiency figure to know it wasn't happening for him. I did expect more from Salem, who has done more weird, clearing straight to a defender kicks since he came back than for multiple years before combined. Throw in Bowey looking ropey, and it's fair to say we didn't cope with their pressure all that well. </p><p>Adjusted for the midfield being beaten overall, Gus was very good again. There will be posts from last year where I declared with certainty that defence was the place for him, but this probably is where he's at his best. Nice to have another member of the Joel Smith Total Football Academy that we can move around as required though. Find the balance with Petracca and Pickett rotating through the middle and profit. Still doesn't mean we'll kick a score, but might keep the ball away from the opposite end for longer.</p><p>It was back to the TV after the break, and almost certainly the first time I've ever watched a game on 7Mate. Do they always slap an 'HD' over the logo that looks like it was made in Microsoft Paint? This coincided with the brief period where we looked half a chance of scoring above 60. It still involved much toil, even the one from an unguarded square reached Chandler in an unconvincing, one sideways bounce from disaster way. We had the best of the quarter, but still went into half time marginally on the wrong side of a 23-21 score that would have had Seven executives running for the open window if they hadn't just scored their biggest rating since Cathy Freeman on the other channel.</p><p>The less said about the actual gameplay the better, but we got a hint of what was going to come in the last quarter by conceding two goals right after half time. The first was a welcome back present for Oliver, pinched in front of goal after one of his handballs that might have hit the hand, but not enough to convince the umpire. Where was this guy when we needed a no contact decision later?</p><p>Before the season started I wouldn't have bet on Hunter outliving Grundy in our best 22, but he was in everything during the third quarter. Not just fancy outside stuff, but getting coalface contested ball as well. Says it all about this game, more grunt than Melbourne Zoo but only generating the bare minimum score. We clambered back to level the scores at three quarter time, but it best demonstrated how we were going that one of the goals came directly via Melksham dropping a mark.</p><p>Getting to the last change level after being played off most parts of the park all night might have been inspiration to start the last quarter well. You can't fault nearly four full quarters of effort, they just didn't cover the opening minutes here. We got hands to the ball in the middle before Carlton ripped it away and went forward faster than any team since 25/09/21. I was bleeding from every orifice by the time the third went in unanswered. Suspicions that we'd left too much of a gap to catch them were true, but not without a decent go at another return from the dead.</p><p>Last week we had to turn to a Pickett special in lieu of well-constructed first quarter goals, this time it came at the opposite end of the game, as he snuck one out of a pack to keep it interesting. Then Smith kicked one from an angle that makes you think he could be a decent break in case of emergency option, and even a permanently suspicious miserablist like me was prepared to entertain the idea of pinching it. </p><p>I'd have taken a draw, which would have all but sealed the double chance, but the 'there should be a shootout in footy' aftermath would have been unbearable. It's hard to tell if Patrick Dangerfield was <a href="https://twitter.com/dangerfield35/status/1690303807081865216" target="_blank">serious</a> because he does some of the lowest quality humour outside <i>The Bounce</i>, but you can add this to the footy cliche bingo card along with going wobbly over the actually ordinary New Zealand anthem on Anzac Day, and trying to bring back State of Origin whenever the NRL do it. <i> </i></p><p>Last year we set off Carlton's spectacular chain reaction by snatching a game from them in the dying seconds, and it nearly happened again. We were within an alleged touch of hand from hitting the lead in the final minute, but not before Salem was gifted the sort of running shot from 50 that he's kicked more than once over the years. Somehow it fell short for nothing, but the comedy comeback was still very much on. </p><p>Shame we'd 90% necked ourselves in five stupid minutes at the start of the quarter, because if we'd hit the front after 10 minutes this could have been Richmond all over again. The key difference - other than Carlton having a vastly better night - is that it may actually be No Petty, No Melbourne. JVR didn't have a shot after the first quarter, Melksham didn't have one at all, and surely there's no way we'll have a better functioning forward line than that (eventually) wonderful day any time before Round 1, 2024.</p><p>Enter a goal umpire finishing us off by taking the safest possible option. Petracca marked on 50, and knowing we were probably stuff all chance of a contested mark just flogged it at goal with all his might. I fully expected an intercept mark, before it beat everyone (?) and went through. You can't judge reactions without turning it into the Acting Football League, but the defender didn't put on much of a show about touching it. Compare to Lever pleading like he was an innocent man facing the guillotine last week. </p><p>The bad news was that this time the disputed decision came in the dying seconds of a thriller, it had gone somewhere within literal touching distance of a hand, and in the moment the goal umpire probably didn't want to look like a fool if it was revealed to have clearly come off a hand. As the AFL still uses Zero Definition review cameras we'll never know if it really was, so as soon as the goal umpire's call was a point I knew it wouldn't be overturned. </p><p>If he'd thought it was a goal old mate in the replay bunker could search for the slightest bit of contact, now they were left having to prove conclusively that it didn't scrape off a hand, finger, wrist, or dick on the way through. I'm not angry, any time from 1897 to 2012 he'd have called it a point and we'd have got on with things. This time he thought it might be a point, nobody was ever going to find otherwise, and we still had time to win. Besides, who knows what would have happened out of the middle with 41 seconds left. We were just as likely to let them walk one straight inside 50 as luckily blunder to the siren like the Collingwood or Brisbane games.</p><p>Everyone knows the review system is shit so I feel more robbed out of a great comedy moment than premiership points. As long as we're not on the losing side, please let something like that decide a Grand Final then stand back to enjoy absolute, unfettered carnage.</p><p>No doubt somebody's going to discover that the goal umpire's second cousin once used the public toilets in Princes Park so we were robbed, but if you need conspiracies to pin down losing a game where we were on the back foot from the first bounce, kicked a rotten score, and had to come from three goals down in the last quarter, I'd prefer Charlie Curnow <a href="https://twitter.com/laceoutofficial/status/1690342123277864960" target="_blank">wandering around on the mark</a> while May was ready to kick. I'd also have preferred if May looked to his left and saw Michael Hibberd standing in about 100 metres of space.</p><p>Desperate times when you're relying on May or Hibberd (combined MFC goals - 5 in 201 games) for a winner, but that's about as much faith as I had in another Melksham Miracle. The 11th penalty taker just won a World Cup game, why not snatch the points here via an unexpected goalscorer? It wasn't going to be won by Chandler or Neal-Bullen, both of who sat on the bench for the last 10 minutes while we searched for a winner. </p><p>This would have been a good time for Smith to pay tribute to his dad with his own Mark of The Century, but with about 15 opposition players inside the defensive 50, a goal from open play was more likely. I was already into the 'acceptance' phase while we were still half a chance, but also thought how hilarious it would be if Pickett dudded them in the final seconds again. </p><p>That kick was safely turned back, booted far enough away to waste more time, but leaving us enough time for a final Hail Mary kick forward. That didn't go anywhere either, we lost and top two is probably stuffed, but there's still everything to play for so I'm not proceeding directly to the ocean with rocks in pocket yet.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Angus Brayshaw<br />4 - Clayton Oliver<br />3 - Lachie Hunter<br />2 - Trent Rivers<br />1 - Christian Petracca</p><p>Apologies to Chandler, Gawn, Langdon, Lever, May and Viney</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />First, a word regarding the recent death of <a href="https://t.co/ctTEodrFuo" target="_blank">Jeff Hilton</a>. Without trawling the archives, I've got no idea why the Rising Star award is named after him. It makes even less sense when you consider that a lot of his MFC career happened after I'd lost interest in early 1995. If I had to guess, it was to follow the heavy 1990s theme kicked off by the top award being called the Jakovich, and he had the sort of classy name that lent itself to the occasion. It was certainly never intended as a pisstake, and if anybody has taken it that way and thinks the medal should be renamed then send objections to the usual address.</div><div><br />Back to the present, the big news is that Christian Petracca cannot in any way be beaten for the main prize. If Viney strung together BOGs from here, going the long way to Grand Final and Trac got nil they'd tie, but it's morally all over. No change in any of the minors, other than Rivers nudging to within outside range of May in the Seecamp. And if Grundy outscores Gawn by 11+ from here I'll eat somebody else's hat. </div><div><b> </b></div><div>64 - Christian Petracca (WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />--- Needs four finals to win ---<br />34 - Jack Viney<br />--- Done for ---<br />28 - Clayton Oliver<br />27 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br /></div><div>21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)<br /></div><div>15 - Trent Rivers<br />14 - Angus Brayshaw, Kysaiah Pickett<br />13 - Jake Lever</div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler<br />8 - Lachie Hunter</div><div>7 - Jake Bowey, Harrison Petty<br /></div><div>4 - Bayley Fritsch, Michael Hibberd, Jake Melksham</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Alex Neal-Bullen, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>I liked the clutch value of Neal-Bullen's set shot, but you can't beat a surprise kick out of a pack so Pickett wins. We didn't, so I reserve the right not to get all that excited about it. No change to the leaderboard.</div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett (the second one) vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>The All New Bradbury Plan</b></div><div>Suddenly we're back to chasing Brisbane and Port, and with half an eye on the Blues potentially running us down for fourth. Otherwise, everyone is too far behind to make a difference so you're tipping for strategy only.</div><div><br /></div><div>North d. Richmond (only relevant if you're desperate to keep Richmond out of the eight) <br />Collingwood d. Brisbane (for the top two plan)<br />Gold Coast d. Carlton (for the top four plan)</div><div>GWS d. Essendon (if one of them's got to make it back the one you don't know any fans of)</div><div>St Kilda d. Geelong (willing to risk the minimal chance of the Saints catching us to keep Geelong out)</div><div>Adelaide d. Sydney (although, maybe you want the Swans confirmed in the eight before the last game. I don't)</div><div>West Coast d. Footscray (fat chance)</div><div>Fremantle d. Port Adelaide (regrettable for the Draft Bradbury, but probably won't happen anyway)</div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b><br /><div>Speaking of teams in better shape than last time we played them, it's Hawthorn off the back of beating Collingwood and Footscray. Any chance of catching somebody in uncontrollable freefall? Even Richmond didn't drop their bundle and start retiring the legends until we'd taken three quarters to beat them.</div><div><br /></div><div>All things considered, we should win, but their recent form + the last half our second meeting and our recent loss of forward power has me even more worried than usual. Unless there's some double-secret plot behind picking him, I can't see why you'd keep Grundy in the side. I'll return to last week's suggestion of Smith forward, Tomlinson/Hibberd back, and fingers crossed for the best. </div><div><br /></div><div>Surprisingly, Casey played this week so we've got some (losing) form against a proper AFL reserve side to judge the other changes on. It was losing form that's left them on the edge of the dreaded Wildcard Zone, but it's probably better for their form than playing Coburg, Flotsam, or Jetsam. There doesn't need to be a raft of inclusions, but while we're crying out for somebody to grab the forward spot none of them did much to demand inclusion. McSizzle might be a chance after another week just for experience value, otherwise nada. </div><div><br /></div><div>I thought Jordon getting the giant Muppet Show-style hook didn't bode well for him, but who else are you going to pick? Dunstan is regularly having a million touches but I don't know if he's any sort of replacement. Maybe bang him in the middle and free Brayshaw up a bit? I don't know. Otherwise it will probably be Harmes, and with respect, we've done that recently and it didn't work. I'd still like to see more of Woewodin too, but will remain conservative for now, rest Hibberd for one more week as side and hope for the best.</div></div><div><br /></div><div>IN: Tomlinson<br />OUT: Grundy (omit)<br />LUCKY: Bowey, Jordon<br />UNLUCKY: Woewodin</div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts<br /></b>On a night of fairytale results, I suppose 'Carlton not completely botching a chance to play finals' fit the script so good luck to them. You wouldn't want to be trapped in a lift with 99% of their fans who are shown on TV but even if we've got to be the victim I can't deny anyone the joy of seeing their side come good after years in the wilderness. It was not great for us, but nor is it fatal. Maybe we'll get the same goal umpire in a final and he'll subconsciously do something strange to make up for this?</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-13327888959065877252023-08-08T20:40:00.002+10:002023-08-12T22:44:47.046+10:00Could've been worse<p>If you watch long enough you'll eventually see your team lose as red-hot favourites. It's probably a good sign that for everything we've done wrong this century it's hard to think of truly catastrophic upset defeats. Sure, we were so bad for so long that it was almost statistically impossible to do anything historically remarkable but to prove anyone can be involved we did give GWS their <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2013/08/abandon-ship.html" target="_blank">only win</a> of 2013. Given they'd had about 115 less years to build their side the Giants were probably still occupying the moral highground anyway.</p><p>The historical gold standard for upsets will always be letting St Kilda <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+1+1900" target="_blank">win</a> their first VFL game in 49, but as there's nobody left on the planet who was alive that day it's about as relevant as the Battle
of Thermopylae. Even the trifecta of Sydney-related debacles from <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+7+1992" target="_blank">1992</a> <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+13+1993" target="_blank">to</a> <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+9+1994" target="_blank">1994</a> are strictly for middle-aged enthusiasts by now. That leaves us with <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2006/04/no-future.html" target="_blank">either</a> <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2006/08/what-fuck-was-that.html" target="_blank">of</a> the Carlton '06 losses (but mainly the second one, by which time we knew they were shite), or <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2016/04/the-mouse-that-bored.html" target="_blank">falling over</a> against the Essendon reserves a decade later. None would have been as improbable as going down to a team on a 17 game losing streak while playing for second spot.</p><p>Given that we'd have played finals, possibly still with a double chance, this would have been worse on paper than anything for nearly 30 years, but still not as hurtful as punching a gift horse in the mouth at the end of 2017. The good news is we diced with death, but still came back to win comfortably. That's four vital premiership points, an excellent reminder for everyone involved not to let their guard down, and justification for me never automatically assuming a win, no matter the state of the opposition, for several more decades.</p><p>My nerves weren't helped by the surprise return of Alastair Clarkson. I've got no time for any footy media these days so had no idea this was happening until Sunday morning. Now we had to deal with new coach bounce, against a guy who's dismantled us more times over the years than anyone other than Ross Lyon, with a squad full of players trying to avoid being executed at the end of Mad Monday. Nice of him to fondly mention his time with us in the pre-game interview, doubt he'll sit next to Phil Egan at a past player gathering.</p><p>By this point of the weekend we'd already seen Hawthorn beat Collingwood with surprising ease, and Port lose after a bunch of players went down with the trots, so I was already on high alert for weird circumstances that might affect what should have been a regulation win. It got to the point of checking the Hobart weather report to make sure there wasn't going to be a Casey Fields-style nine goal breeze to one end. Even if North Melbourne 1925 turned up (and speaking of upsets, we did nearly stuff up a finals campaign by <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+16+1925" target="_blank">losing to them</a> that year) I'd be waiting for seven of our players to fall victim to modern concussion rules by quarter time.</p><p>All this made it a lot easier to take teetering on the brink of disaster at five goals down before half time. You'd like to think a 60 point turnaround that ended in last quarter self-preservation mode indicates even another goal the other way would have been recoverable, but it would have cranked the difficulty level up to uncomfortable levels. Some people derive sexual pleasure from launching comebacks, and I think they may also be working for Collingwood on the side, but not me. It's good when they happen, but if we could go back to nice, easy wins that would be great.</p><p>It was an undignified position to find ourselves in after another weekend where most results went our way. If we did as expected it would shore up the double chance, and give us the advantage in a now very real three-corner battle for second place. Sadly West Coast fell agonisingly short of what would have been a piss funny win over Essendon, leaving them on the bottom and giving North no reason to go full Melbourne 2009 and make absolutely sure of losing. </p><p>It shouldn't have needed that anyway. Anyone who counts chickens pre-hatch and talks about boosting percentage should be arrested, but four quarters of good, clean fun isn't too much to ask for. Think about all the times we followed the script in interstate games while no good. There was <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2014/05/demonblogs-500th-post-spectacular.html" target="_blank">Adelaide Oval 2014</a>, the win that made Crows fans escape like the fire alarms had gone off, but even that only followed a two game losing streak. Mind you, later that year we <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com.au/2014/07/quicksand-incorporated.html" target="_blank">nearly toppled</a> top four chasing Port at the same venue so I suppose out of the box, near misses against strugglers do happen.</p><p>For a team that hasn't won since Round 2, North have been reasonably competitive. They've only lost by over 70 three times, never by the ton (thanks to us packing up at the end last time), and four of the 17 losses have been by under 10 points, including the last two. Yes, they just lost to a West Coast side who are still 2.3% percentage points worse than us in 2013 but the point remains that they're not as historically awful as you'd expect from a side that with that sort of losing streak. </p><p>Maybe all they need to get going is for the other side to turn up like they're in a coma, and that's where we came in. Last week I nearly got cancelled for calling bullshit on 'expected score', so this time I'm not saying anything about the 'Pressure Gauge', except that you probably didn't need a number to know that we started loose as a goose. I'm sure standing near an opponent contributes to the overall number, but any bonuses from tackling, smothering, or general corraling were reduced by them merrily kicking around us.</p><p>Occasionally they'd kick it straight back, at which point we'd hammer the ball inside 50 as quickly as possible, straight into the loving arms of an intercepting defender. We obviously got a bit excited by Richmond leaving the Grand Canyon inside 50 last week and thought there'd be more of the same here. The problem was that all the kicks were going to 30 metres out directly in front, which any AFL team will eat for breakfast.</p><p>After surviving a video review entirely because Lever looked genuine about touching it, we had to reach deep into the novelty file for the opener. When all the obvious avenues to goal are shut, Dial P for Pickett and he'll do something bonkers from the boundary line. He's so good that (as far as I'm concerned) this only ended the day as his second-best finish.</p><p>If that didn't convince North that they were involved in a futile struggle, maybe the bit where we cannoned out of the middle, and had a free shot on the run from 40 would have helped. On a rare day where it wasn't blowing a mega gale to one end, that would have been a nice early strike against opposition who probably arrived just hoping to reach the final siren with their dignity intact. </p><p>Instead, we got a brief, horrifying flashback to the day Goldstein kicked five in Hobart. This didn't require much effort, May tried another short kick-in that didn't go where it was supposed to, Bowey fell over reaching for it, and the sound of circus music could be heard gently wafting across Bass Strait. Like Adelaide all over again, the opposition responded to an own-goal by the world's greatest full back with several more. Next time let's have Bowey doing the dinky kick to May. Even better, just hoof it as far away from goal as possible.</p><p>Enter Eddie Ford, somebody who I genuinely had no idea existed before Sunday. That's no comment on him personally, he may have a big future in the game but I haven't watched a neutral game as anything more than background noise for a decade. Surely I'd have remembered somebody who sounds like a country music pioneer, now he will forever be remembered as an inducted member of the Kingsley Klub.</p><p>His first goal came from Lever trying his luck after winning on the video review and doing the most obvious block in history. Then he was left floundering around in space while Ford marked uncontested. This will probably set the blueprint for other teams trying to negate Lever, but won't be the first time somebody's thought they've got the answers to our backline before we change the questions. Remember that loss to the Bulldogs in 2021 when their forwards were running around like ice addicts trying to throw off the matchups? That didn't last long, and hopefully neither does this.</p><p>Things got very ropey, very quickly as they looked like an attacking juggernaut and we were back to an Alice Springs level of potency. This time you couldn't blame the weather, not only was it dry but there wasn't a hint of the usual Casey Fields South winds that generally make games there unwatchable. We were just outplayed, and being picked apart at every turn.</p><p>At four goals to one I was thinking things were getting out of hand, before thumping the big red Kingsley button so hard that plastic flew off in every direction when Ford stamped his induction by saying "please sir, may I have another?" at the end. The effect was multiplied several thousand times over by the revelation that his career record was 0-18. Even at our lowest we didn't subject anyone to a start like that. The Spencil took four years to get a win, but even that only stretched to 12 losses. </p><p>It's hard to think of any other obvious North inductees. One was declared in a Docklands game sometime after Twitter (never, ever, under any circumstances 'X') was invented because an indignant North fan wrote in to complain that it was a false nomination. Maybe it was, because I can't work out who he was. We did concede six to Aaron Edwards in a season where he averaged less than two goals a game, but he doesn't feel like a contender. If I've got more free time at the end of the season, AFLW flag defence commitments notwithstanding, I'll come up with a definitive list of contenders for us to debate over summer.</p><p>If you'd just floated over from Easter Island, nothing could possibly convince you that we were the premiership contenders. Other than the May kick-in fiasco it wasn't even like being beaten by fluky goals or zany umpiring decisions. We were just being played off the park, and the score was rapidly ticking towards a critical point. This was a high degree of difficulty test of the theory that teams can't go with us for a full four quarters. It wasn't abandon all hope yet, we were further behind than last week, but with respect to them kicking our brains in for a bit the opposition was not as good.</p><p>That was all painful viewing, but you'd think quarter time would have been time to work out what was going on and correct it. Then they kicked the first goal after the break, the margin was beyond 30, and things were getting so ludicrous that I couldn't help but laughing. In the spirit of standing there at the end of <i>186 </i>thinking "they may as well kick another goal so I can say I was here for the record margin", there was a bit of "this is shit but at least it'll provide good content for years to come".</p><p>For once there was a historical precedent for <i>not </i>worrying. Two years ago we turned up unbeaten, gave an unnecessarily good start to a rock-bottom North, then ran them down with relative ease. This time I could have seen winning, but not without a colossal struggle. Once they were only six goals I doubted our capacity to reach that total, let alone stop them from scoring freely from every angle.</p><p>The comeback started with Petty contesting a long ball to the square in the exact fashion we've been missing all year (I was wrong etc...), ending in a goal to Pickett. Then he got one himself, the All Australian selectors started consulting the rules to see if he could be picked at full forward, and it looked like all was well in the world. Until Smith either (delete as applicable) dropped a mark in the square, wasn't paid a mark in the square, or had a mark in the square knocked out of his hands at the last minute, leading to them crumbing another and refilling my sense of dread.</p><p>That really was as good as it got for North, and by half time we'd wound the margin back to a more manageable level. This included a goal from Pickett turning Jack Ziebell inside and out multiple times in one passage of play. Somehow chief Foxtel miserablist Gerald Healy decided it Ziebell's fault that he was danced into the ground by an artist.</p><p>The real gold came right at the end, when they should have walked through a steadier but stuffed it up, then let us go the length of the field for van Rooyen to kick one after the siren. Jayden Stephenson is the reverse of a Kingsley, every time he gets the ball I feel like he'll do something comically silly. If this was NorthBlog I'd have thrown the couch through a wall at a two goal turnaround like this. You're barely holding on to what might be the upset of the year, and even if there's a definite hint that it won't last, you get the chance to put it back into double figures and do that. Putrid. But good news for us.</p><p>Now that we'd worked our way back into it, half time brought the real relief we were after. It took a little bit to get rid of them, but the tide was obviously now running in our favour and North had the staggers. They started the second half bleeding a centre clearance, botched an exit kick, then let Jack Viney of all people pull down a screamer. That led to five minutes of attacking for nowt but points, and even if the Roos were the footy equivalent of the guy who arranged to be eaten over the internet we were struggling to build up the appropriate appetite.</p><p>It took Petty doing his Tony Lockett impersonation and kicking one from the boundary line to put us in front, and at this point I was ready to carve off one or more limbs for him. Which makes what happened next so tragic (as far as sporting tragedies go). We'd already added another and were looking like walking the rest of the game when a pox kick to his lead saw him stumble and detonate his foot for the second time this season. He got away with several weeks on the sidelines when stepped on against Hawthorn, this one is reportedly at "oh fuck" level. Please refer to George Costanza for further details:</p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><img border="0" data-original-height="548" data-original-width="558" height="314" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWkIW_EBGPm2ZmYKVIawMbQWTLqJ6Phg1L1my5X7E3b5tfv4_Qe3Vn4khPl5XqW2_OF2yDEXo5VKTB_j4QtqikcrWCrFNuacuDpuc7eLhi83nzv8doyKbQ15v4Yyy9Jah_acfReYZhdXyh7xsnnsC4z1vso4w3v5nJNgJ2AQNylimTJUT2Z8iorI1qzII/s320/Farkaduck.jpg" width="320" /></div><br /><p>This was very bad for the rest of our season, but in the short term we could always rely on noted goalkicking substitute... Michael Hibberd. As long as we keep all our woes to key position players, this is the benefit of having Smith in the side. He didn't do a massive amount when thrown forward, but fans of statistical oddities will be pleased to know that whatever one percenters are, he had more than any of our players since 2019. At the same time Brayshaw was enjoying the freedom of the midfield to rack up the most handballs on record by anyone not called Oliver or Viney. So that's something to remember the day by.</p><p>I was still sulking about the Petty injury when Petracca and the Anal-Bullet pushed the margin beyond 20, and it had gone 2021 a lot quicker than possible. Even when North goalled from their first decent chance of the quarter they immediately left Gawn pissbolt from the middle and land the ball on JVR at the top of the square with a defender hanging off him for dear life. </p><p>It was basically game over, but to be remembered by anyone outside of sickos like me we needed to romp to victory, or almost lose in hilarious (for neutrals) fashion. They burst out of the middle at the first bounce, King of Comedy Stephenson missed again, and that was the opening ceremony for one of the dullest last quarters you'll ever see.</p><p>We spent the next 10 minutes with the ball parked at our end for three behinds, any of which would probably have convinced North to give in. According to the on-screen graphic we'd had 98% time in forward half, and I've got no idea where the remainder came from. </p><p>After all that North kicked the first goal and I'll admit to being a little bit scared. But not as much as when they went straight out of the middle for Eddie Kingsley to nearly pull in a mark. That would have left it a bit too close for comfort, before it drifted back into 'forgettable' territory, as it became clear they couldn't do a repeat of the first quarter and we started rotating stars to the bench en masse 2021 Prelim style. If anyone was still watching we'd have been charged with bringing the game into disrepute.</p><p>Under normal circumstances, I'd barely be comfortable with a 26 points lead and six minutes left but North's adventure was over. They'd done enough to avoid Tasmania turfing them out for being inept like Canberra did to us. Still, for all the World Cup related soccer references on offer losing the last quarter 1-0 would have left a bit of a sour taste. Lucky it wasn't close, because the quality of the coverage started fluctuating between 2023 and 2003 quality and making it hard to work out what was going on. I thought it was my internet, then I tuned into the next game and it broadcast in glorious HD with no interruptions or downscaling, so thanks for that Kayo. Why not raise prices again?</p><p>Somewhere in the middle of all this Real Player through Internet Explorer viewing Chandler got the one in 1.6, and the only concern of the last few minutes was not crippling any other key players. The only legacy of this game is that was a bit weird, and whatever happens to Petty's foot. You can't even look back at standout performances. Usually, I do the votes first then the rest of the post (which rarely ever explains why they were handed out in that order), but at the time of writing everything's filled in except them, and the order has been troubling me since Sunday.</p><p>About 10 players could justifiably get one, none who really warranted five, so if you're outraged by the next bit don't say I didn't give it much more thought than usual. This is probably a good thing, there's been a few times this year that our top bracket have done the hard work and the fringe struggled. This was one time you can call a performance flat across the board and take it as a compliment. I won't say more of the same please, but it's sure better than the alternative.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Jack Viney<br />4 - Christian Petracca<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett<br />2 - Angus Brayshaw<br />1 - Alex Neal-Bullen</p><p>Large apologies to Gawn and Hunter. Others to especially Chandler, May, McVee, Petty (*sob*) and Smith.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />If you've been with us long enough you'll know that there's always a point in the season where I audit the votes and realise the leaderboard isn't right. It doesn't usually happen this late, so it's a good thing there's not a shred of drama at the top of the table. Next year I'm going to keep a spreadsheet from Round 1 to avoid a farce like this, but the end result is Petracca -1, Oliver -2 (has he not suffered enough?), May -1, Langdon -1 and Brayshaw -2, but +1 to Rivers. This may be the shoddiest record keeping since Essendon's supplement program, but I promise we've got correct weight now.</div><div><br /></div><div>There are now at most 35 votes available, and only if we play all the finals. That means everyone below Jack Viney is gonski, and we could be less than a week away from doing a reverse IRA and changing from 'provisional' to 'official'. No alterations in the minors, with the McVee vs JVR vs Surprise Contender battle for the Hilton remaining the only live contest.</div><div><b> </b></div><div>63 - Christian Petracca (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />--- Needs four finals to win ---<br />34 - Jack Viney<br />--- Done for ---<br />27 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />24 - Clayton Oliver</div><div>21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)<br /></div><div>14 - Kysaiah Pickett<br />13 - Jake Lever, Trent Rivers</div><div>12 - Ed Langdon</div><div>11 - Brodie Grundy</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler</div><div>9 - Angus Brayshaw<br />7 - Jake Bowey, Harrison Petty<br />5 - Lachie Hunter</div><div>4 - Bayley Fritsch, Michael Hibberd, Jake Melksham</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Alex Neal-Bullen, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>Pickett's first goal will get the official GOTY nomination, but I really enjoyed the second because it had the added aesthetic beauty of a grizzled veteran being run into the ground as he tried to keep up. Where was that sort of contempt for North life members the day we let Brent Harvey kick six in Hobart? </div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Kozzy Pickett is out here breaking ankles 😮💨<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AFLNorthDees?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#AFLNorthDees</a> <a href="https://t.co/gDKyIVBw6t">pic.twitter.com/gDKyIVBw6t</a></p>— AFL (@AFL) <a href="https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1688045430569832448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2023</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
<div>Welcome Kysaiah back to the season leaderboard, which has gone recency bias crazy and is now made up entirely of goals from the last month.</div><div><br /></div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Kysaiah Pickett vs North Melbourne</div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Media Watch</b></div><div>For many years Anthony Hudson was my favourite TV commentator, so I need to watch some replays and confirm that the Dwayne style pre-planned 'funnies' have only been introduced to his routine recently.</div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet" data-partner="tweetdeck"><p dir="ltr" lang="fr">C’mon Kozzy c’mon 🚮</p>— Steve (@Roger_the_Sheep) <a href="https://twitter.com/Roger_the_Sheep/status/1688026806295912448?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">August 6, 2023</a></blockquote><p>I know he's probably hoping one of the Channel 7 callers falls down a well and he can get back into the big time, but this is the worst decline of a once great caller since late-period McAvaney thought he had to play along with BT's buffoon routine.</p><div><div><b>The All New Bradbury Plan</b></div><div>Due to Port finishing the season with the structural integrity of a third world apartment block the plan now covers a top two finish, as well as the usual tactical voting to influence the rest of the finalists. It's also getting to the point where we have to consider what happens if we don't get a home final. I'd rather not play Brisbane and risk ruining the legacy of a great home and away win for the second consecutive year.</div><div><br /></div><div>Collingwood d. Geelong (we're not going to finish top, try to get rid of the side most likely to win the flag from outside the top four)</div><div>North Melbourne d. Essendon (arguably, an Essendon win affects the likelihood of Geelong making it but I'm prepared to overlook this in the interests of spite)</div><div>Gold Coast d. Sydney (Likewise, this is counterproductive to not wanting Geelong to make it but we're at the junction between the Swans taking R24 seriously or giving up and playing randoms so let's hope they're demoralised. Also good for them staying ahead of Freo)</div><div>Adelaide d. Brisbane (Finally, somebody who can put Geelong away and do the right thing by us)</div><div>Hawthorn d. Footscray</div><div>Richmond d. St Kilda</div><div>GWS d. Port</div><div><br /></div><div>... and West Coast over Freo for obvious reasons.</div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b><br />Last time we played Carlton they were in absolute freefall, barely resisting sacking the coach to appease nuffies. Probably a bit harsh to refer to them as a '<a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2023/06/gently-kicking-dead-horse.html" target="_blank">dead horse</a>' at the time, now they're the infamous form team of the competition. I liked the other version better. Fans of references to the 2021 Hobart comeback will also note that we bled bulk goals in a loss to Adelaide the next week.</div><div><br /></div><div>Due to the VFL being a shambolic competition Casey had the week off again so it's hard to justify changes. Sounds like Oliver's coming straight back, barring any more random setbacks or hospital visits. This will either end in him playing so well that internet dickheads are even more convinced of a conspiracy (though it would be the most hamfisted one since 2009), or dying of exhaustion halfway through. I doubt he'll start as sub, so hopefully we have plans B, C and D available just in case. </div><div><br /></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFedtAcdZ2qe7MkRUZ8EmHFdTVtIHQBXN34jN8MDHrURQoDNxJF49hNL-ya6C9vW_qRCY8YFlxIh0wklN-HQMNfXHpMJjcvan00EZuMZLfPoq6YTHTPWIoOjVSiSDry67AvhnRiLAFhMebeGq8JzAOlC9v18hfFCwa36F7cGEeiBGJiaSCiB_VBNvRFiw/s183/oldmate.jpg" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="183" data-original-width="181" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhFedtAcdZ2qe7MkRUZ8EmHFdTVtIHQBXN34jN8MDHrURQoDNxJF49hNL-ya6C9vW_qRCY8YFlxIh0wklN-HQMNfXHpMJjcvan00EZuMZLfPoq6YTHTPWIoOjVSiSDry67AvhnRiLAFhMebeGq8JzAOlC9v18hfFCwa36F7cGEeiBGJiaSCiB_VBNvRFiw/s1600/oldmate.jpg" width="181" /></a></div></div><div>My fantasy scenario is that he runs out of juice after the sub has already been used, goes forward, kicks four in the last quarter, then reunites with this guy.</div><div><br /></div><div>As for the Petty replacement, good luck finding one. Brown is regrettably cactus, Grundy is not a goalkicker, Jefferson is too young, McSizzle is only just returning from injury, and unless you're into one of the wildest comebacks in history I don't think Schache's going to help. So for me it's Smith forward, Tomlinson or Hibberd back, and hope for the best. If he can compete in the air and bring some of our bullshit forward 50 entries to ground that might be enough. Not sure that's what we want to be building the rest of the season around, but it doesn't look like we're going to have many other options.</div><div><br /></div><div>If Carlton are in any way serious they'll give us a massive scare here, and I wouldn't rule out having to spin the result as a 'loss we had to have', but it'll get me through the week in a better state to assume we'll struggle but win.</div><div><br /></div><div>IN: Oliver, Tomlinson<br />OUT: Harmes (omit), Petty (inj)<br />LUCKY: Nil<br />UNLUCKY: Anyone who couldn't put themselves in the window at Casey.</div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b></div><div>I'd rather be served poisonous mushrooms than watch this again, but it did its job of confirming finals, getting us a step closer to top four, increasing the chance of hosting an interstate team at home in the finals (because that worked so well last year), and generally adding to the pre-September foundations. Now, throw the master tapes off the Spirit Of Tasmania and move on.</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-54431179483129488452023-07-31T22:47:00.001+10:002023-07-31T22:47:03.760+10:00Countdown to ecstasy<p>If you've been watching Melbourne long enough, you'll have reacted to the events of Saturday the same way I did - by expecting something to go wrong. The weekend started badly when Collingwood breathed life into Carlton's unlikely top four challenge, before wall-to-wall football errors in our favour the next day. I can't remember a set of fixtures that came out better in our favour Even when future pick trading ruined the comedy value of Freo beating Geelong at Kardinia Park, the very next game saw it restored by Gold Coast beating Brisbane, and when Port's usual end-of-season freefall continued, the lights were back on along our path to a top two finish.</p><p>This was all great, but wouldn't have meant anything without us beating an in-form Richmond who are doing the late 2010s Hawthorn style clinging on for dear life before inevitable disintegration. It'll be fun to kick them while they're down then, but as of 2023 they're still more than capable of beating us. We already had to come from behind to beat them <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2023/04/not-so-good-then-much-better.html" target="_blank">once this year</a>, and now they had the added incentive of returning to the finals race after three straight wins.</p><p>I've got nothing in particular against the Tigers, even if I was going for the other team in two of their Grand Finals due to the All Victorian Sides Except Us Can Get Stuffed rule, but it would be nice to thrash them again one day. There was an eventually comfortable win in <a href="https://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2021/04/the-nathan-jonestown-massacre.html" target="_blank">Jones 300</a>, but even that took a bit to wind up. I don't remember a genuinely rampant win over them since <a href="http://mfcdemonblog.blogspot.com/2010/04/direct-from-hell.html" target="_blank">early 2010</a>, and even that involved going 12-0 down behind to a team of <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/games/2010/111420100418.html#p0" target="_blank">three first gamers</a>. Then we followed an eight goal first quarter with 0.6, meaning even a nine goal win didn't come easily. We couldn't even convincingly throw that game against them in 2009, having to rely on a kick after the siren. When Nathan Jones was reminded of this during Channel 7's pre-match he did an admirable job of pretending he was hurt by the result more than being used as a pawn to pull off major rorts. </p><p>That all seems like yesterday to me, because I'm increasingly old and decrepit, but so much time has passed since the self-induced Jordan McMahon fiasco that Richmond's coach once played for a team that didn't join the competition until two years later. I confirmed reaching the age of no return after selecting Sean Charles as my <a href="https://footygrid.com/" target="_blank">FootyGrid</a> crossover player for Melbourne/St Kilda, then finding out the most popular community selection was Luke Dunstan. You'd be forgiven for forgetting James Frawley's two game cameo with them, but Dean Kent? Stephen Powell? Apparently not. If you're also past it, please consider that Judd McVee was born the day before Jared Rivers debuted. It was a major milestone when all the players were older than me, when the coach is too that might be time to consider retirement.</p><p>On a more cheerful note, we're still in what passes for a glory era for us and are set for a third consecutive double chance finish for the first time since Norm Smith. Bonus drama points for staring into the abyss twice here, before charging away in the last quarter to confound expectations by all of: a) winning as favourites, b) taking advantage of the misfortune of others, and c) coming out on the right side of another shootout. We've pretty much got a) right over the last couple of years, but surviving another high scoring game was surprising. God knows what's happened other than sending Grundy to play against teams with less annual turnover than his salary, but suddenly we're kicking goals out the yin yang. Conceding a few more than you'd want, but as long as you're in front at the final siren etc... </p><p>The game was played to a surprisingly high standard considering rugby unionists were rucking and mauling on the same turf the previous night. Nobody did their knee in a divot, so you could afford to treat it as a nostalgic throwback to the early 90s when the MCG had more sand on it than the Gobi Desert. Next time hold a monster truck rally on Sunday morning and really make things interesting.</p><p>I'll tell you who does interesting things, he says in a not-at-all awkward segue, Kysaiah Pickett. He's not entirely responsible for us scoring nearly double what we were a month ago, but there's some correlation between that and them selectively introducing him to centre bounces again. This time he plucked the first one and set Petracca up for a snap 15 seconds in. He was thieved out of a goal assist when Trac's snap failed to account for having all the time in the world to turn around and bang it through. Undeterred, Pickett then dropped a kick on JVR in the middle of three defenders for the opening goal before almost entirely dropping off the face of the planet until the last quarter. What he did early was brilliant though, and he doesn't need much of a look to change games. </p><p>This was all very good, and every early Richmond forward entry was dealt with efficiently. We should have seen tiny red flags falling from the sky when they went in with only Riewoldt as a traditional tall. Usually, we want all the key forwards teams can find so attacks can be chopped off, turned around, and used against them. This turned out to be an example of why we're vulnerable to smaller attacks, but not before Jordon failed to capitalise on finding one of several gaping holes in their defence.</p><p>Richmond did get their first goal from a tall straight after, but it took their ruckman doing what you'd refer to as a 'massive shepherd' on Gawn at a ball-up first. Last week all the Adelaide fans thought we won the umpiring as part of a massive conspiracy to hold the interstate clubs down and return to the VFL. This time Richmond fans thought they'd been rorted because... they can't handle returning to earth after years at the top? If the league did try to rig ladder position via umpiring I know which of these sides they'd be looking after.</p><p>Even allowing for the legally dubious nature of his dismissal, this was part of a rocky start for Maximum. When Gawn emerged up from this 'contest' holding his jaw I was temporarily worried, before remembering that Port had just redefined the scale for testing concussions so there wasn't going to be an issue from something this minor. They pinged straight out of the middle for a second one, and when he dropped a mark that turned into a goal, Grundy must have sat bolt upright on the couch. Then the captain roared back with one of his greatest halves and Brodie went back to browsing the massive house section of the Adelaide real estate pages. </p><p>It was a rare example of us bringing a high-quality, high-scoring game to Channel 7. They've had our thrillers, but usually with a goalkicking tally that makes the advertising department try to drink poison. If we'd lost I'd have hated it, but as far as reasonably low-stakes home and away games go, Richmond's death spiral at the end was all that stopped it being the perfect example for curious internationals to fall in love with, before going back to whatever sports are played in their prime time.</p><p>It's not entirely fair to say Pickett went missing from the opening minutes until the last quarter, he did place a lovely pass to the advantage of Petty to pull down a great mark in the square. Dear Ben Brown, I will always love you but if Harrison (never Harry) keeps doing that then you're probably free to pursue a life of spiritual fulfillment away from the AFL. We'll always have the first goal of the last quarter 25/09/21.</p><p>Petty was so good, both kicking goals and in the contest, that I'm prepared to do a dramatic U-turn and accept him as a forward forever if we find a convincing replacement for May. There's not one on the list at the moment, allowing for Turner to play more than two games before he can be judged, so I'm into the Geelong plan of swiping readymade players from other clubs. After giving them Preuss, Bedford, and in a roundabout way Hogan, it must be about time to swipe another GWS player.</p><p>For three quarters the most dangerous place to be was in our backline immediately after a goal, and Petty's first would have lasted until literally the next kick if not for a hit post. I don't like giving goals straight back, but if it has to happen let's go through the lottery of a set shot, or have somebody dish off a handball first, not just ruck contest, grab ball, leg into space and boot it through from distance.</p><p>It felt a bit like last week if Adelaide hadn't kicked like dickheads for most of the game, so I was scathing when Harmes missed a sitter from 30 metres. I know set shots aren't his job, and instead of Petty kicking it to him they should have been the other way around, but this was not good. He probably knows he's only there until Sparrow and/or Oliver return, and even if he's done enough to earn a crack at another club this whole game wasn't one for the audition tape.</p><p>When you can't get goals out of the midfield, why not turn to a tall defender? In the spirit of Tom McSizzle booting set shots from everywhere when he first went forward, Petty gently rearranged a defender, marked an end-to-end move and got a second. And like peak forward McDonald, his goal was nearly undone as quickly as possible. We got away with the forward entry straight from the middle, but it only took one half-arse foray in our direction for the ball to come back and find Dustin Martin hanging out on his own in the square. </p><p>Martin almost got another shortly after, stopped only by Hunter's most last-minute of touches on the line. Somewhere a Melbourne fan was probably lamenting how silly we were not to draft him, as if he'd have emerged the same player after landing at a club where our players once cancelled a training session because CBF. Maybe - unlike one of the two players drafted ahead of him - he'd have taken the challenge in the right spirit, but in the end he got three flags, we collectively scored one and counting (?), so let's agree that via a few grim twists and turns everyone involved with this transaction won at either football, finance or both, except McMahon and poor Jack Trengove.</p><p>When Martin set up their next good as well my thoughts were firmly on the present-day question of what Michael Hibberd was doing, and why wasn't it happening here. Because we won, McVee being run around by a future Hall of Famer was probably good for his experience. He was kept quiet enough from there, but at the time I was terrified of another <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/players/B/Brent_Harvey.html" target="_blank">Brent Harvey-style</a> 'one for the road' bag. Similar concerns about Lance Franklin ended with him retiring after injury, which is a shame because I was counting on the Swans wheeling him out in Round 24 while clearly unfit a'la us and Matthew Whelan in 2009.</p><p>Another goal right at the end was a blow. While we hadn't played badly by any means, and an 11 point deficit is practically nothing these days, the loose nature of their five goals was a worry. Riewoldt had one, but I didn't mind if they kept trying to go through him, it's when ball contacted grass that things got dodgy. North and Hawthorn have nothing left to lose playing us, one should try an all-small forward line, then try to roll every inside 50 kick either into open space. Never forgot 2021 when the Hawks were cactus but still got a draw against us off the back of attacking like they were drunk when they didn't mean to. Alternatively, just boot it long at the forwards and we'll take to it like an all-you-can-eat buffet.</p><p>This was not our backline's greatest day, May was good in the air and with ball in hand but seemed a touch ropey at ground level (possibly not 100% fit? Some chance of a 'what's the worst that can happen?' spot of 'managing' against North?), while the Tomlinson hype express blew a sprocket and had to be shunted off for maintenance. After taking so long to get interested in him again I'm not giving up immediately, but this told me that he's far better suited to the Adelaide style of having the ball booted down his throat, than having to put up with fierce forward pressure.</p><p>I'm hoping for the chance to be really patronising next week, so not going to waste my best stuff on a recent triple-banger premiership side but they were worryingly fierce for the first part of the game. I had faith that we could run them down if things didn't get too out of hand, but it was stress-testing the hypothesis that mid-table clubs (in a season where that extends from 5th to 14th) could go with us, but not for a full four quarters.</p><p>The key for being able to rope-a-dope sides is not going so far behind that the margin can't be run down (e.g. Brisbane part 1). In the spirit of new statistical measurements, I'd like to know the average tipping point for a comeback is. I just arbitrarily declared it as 24 points when introducing the Stranglewank, but there must be a point where your likelihood of either coming back to at least make a game of it, falls off the cliff. Get the boffins onto this instead of bullshit like Expected Scores that <a href="https://twitter.com/AFLxScore/status/1685576184300720129" target="_blank">assume</a> Petracca missing after 15 seconds still leads to Lachie Hunter standing in the same place for a set shot with 15 seconds left with the exact same margin.</p><p>I might have gone into full panic mode if that man Martin hadn't missed another one at the start of the second quarter. Like I did when Hunter randomly took on kicking duties for the first time (?), played on, then ran an absurd distance before kicking it. I'll retrospectively do something for outraged Crows fans and say that after their guy was nabbed in similar circumstances at the same end, this was identical. No harm done, but let's never end up in a situation again where one of May, Salem, Bowey, Rivers etc... isn't around to do it. </p><p>The safest place for players to have a go at something new is the ruck, where most of the time we do worse when the other team fails to contest. At least until Gawn introduced his popular new tactic of grabbing the ball out of the air and heaving it forward, removing the risk of it being swept away at ground level. I still can't believe they let ruckmen do this, every other element of holding the ball is shrouded in controversy and mysticism and the AFL would kill stoppages tomorrow if they had the chance, but at the same time rucks can choose to pull the ball in and get away with being tackled. This isn't really relevant to Gawn because he's so large </p><p>they struggle to tackle him before he gets the ball away, but if there was a free on the cards you'd just have somebody go straight for him the moment the ball was in the air.</p><p>This quickly led to Petty's third goal from a mark, and JVR getting a gift from Chandler (via a lovely tap-on from Melksham) that he was lucky didn't bounce away from him in the square, and it's hard to work out how we still had to come back from 20 points down to win this. Then you remember why, as the ball went straight towards Richmond's goal, and didn't come out until a wacky bounce beat May and the other Pickett, for somebody else to toe-poke through an unguarded goal. Neutrals would have been having a great time watching this but it was giving me the shits.</p><p>It didn't take long for the Tiges to get their next one either, but not before a cavalcade of comedy inside our defence 50, featuring players punching the ball in the air, running over it on the ground, and missing/not even pretending to try tackles, until it eventually allowed a free snap. I still had belief that we good enough to win, but was starting to wonder how we'd stop them scoring long enough to do it. Turns out the answer was not to worry about what they did and concentrate on kicking a shitload of goals ourselves.</p><p>The only thing worse than giving goals straight back out of the middle is conceding them in the final minutes, and bless Richmond for doing that 2x just as we were teetering on the brink. There was an assist from a 50 on the first, before Viney and Petracca combined to brute force exit one out of the middle, somehow allowing us to win the quarter. It could have been better, with a Mad Minute style third only denied by the umpire ignoring Melksham being unconstitutionally rooted in the square.</p><p>Meanwhile, 50s were being paid at the fastest rate since the pre-season game when we gifted Carlton about five goals by opting out of the new dissent rule. First to Brayshaw, who kept running, tried to thump it through from distance, instead landing the ball just inside the boundary line about 15 metres to the right of its intended target. Then we gave one away too, and things were getting so administrative that the crowd should have been invited to do their tax returns at half time.</p><p>If we were going to activate turbo thrust and run away with it, my health would have appreciated starting right after the break. Instead we turned an attack from the first bounce into the conceding within a minute. There was a bit where the ball was so far out of bounds it was nearly cleaned up by the 4:52 to Glen Waverley but that didn't excuse them kicking towards three unguarded players, and getting away with choosing the worst option. Loose defending is one thing, this was getting a bit free range for my liking.</p><p>Then, if anyone should try and blame rugby for affecting the turf it was James Jordon, whose stumble in front of goal cost us the next one. I don't think there was a surprise chasm involved, he just tried to run through a gap, tipped too far forward, and fell over. He's ahead of Harmes at the moment, but is probably as likely to be elsewhere next year. When you've got this many midfielders something's got to give. And we'll have so many draft picks that it's inevitable more are on the way, so he may as well take advantage of the weird situation of being a free agent at the end of every contract due to a previous delisting and cash in on the 'he can't get a game in a good side' theory elsewhere. Best go to a shit team who need to pay ridiculous money to artificially reach minimum salary cap and play regularly. Or do a Weid and leave for a fresh start, then end up in the reserves anyway. Let's remain on good terms just in case.</p><p>Those goals wiped out all the ground we'd clawed back at the end of the second quarter, and deep down I was ready to consider surrender terms. Finally it was our chance to wreck one of their goals at warp speed, and when Chandler booted one over his head you just never knew... Until they recovered that from the bounce and you did. Or at least you thought you did, if you're a nervous coward like me. Their reply was helped by one of the worst unrecalled bounces you'll ever see. The bounce should be abolished, but if it has to stay I'd go all the way to the other end of the spectrum and recall nothing, so it's hard to take any sort of moral highground on being disadvantaged by it flinging off to the other side's advantage.</p><p>By now I was so wound up about everything going against us that when a van Rooyen mark was greeted by a random downpour my first thought was how typical it was that we'd get a good chance just the moment the weather turned against set shots. My weather-related sooking was interrupted by JVR lobbing the shot through like it was bone dry. Which was nice. </p><p>Then the rain disappeared, and I went from Pity Party to Petty Party when the new Tony Lockett stuck a knee in his opponent's back and kicked his fourth. We'd had to endure a defence optional near-miss after JVR's goal, and the Jack Viney Shoulder Injury Scare Of The Week, but now things were finally rolling. Petty celebrated with a Hulk Hogan style ear-cup to the crowd, and as it seems most in the vicinity were ours I think it was just general triumph rather than Bugg-esque tormenting of the opposition.</p><p>I've got no idea what percentage of Petty/JVR working well is down to a) them, b) Richmond leaving a shitload of space inside 50, or the c) the cameo work of Melksham, but this was combining to be the most unusual haul of goals against the Tigers since Andy Lovell kicked eight. Then Melk went from supporting player to headliner with two of his own, and against all odds and logic we were up by nine.</p><p>The second involved a defender shitting himself in a tackle and handballing over the line in a fashion not even people dressed as Tigers could reasonably argue. Petty did the tackle, but as hot as he was from regulation angles I'm glad they decided it was Melksham's kick because I've got more faith in him doing funky around-the-corner shots from the boundary. He delivered the goods again, in what could be the greatest career revival since... himself 12 months ago. Let's hope this one's got a finals series in it, and that if Fritsch comes back (and after the Oliver debacle I'm not sure) they complement each other rather than getting in the way.</p><p>This was a very silly game, so the natural reaction to us finally being ahead by more than a kick was for a second gamer to come on and goal about nine seconds later. We'd already introduced Smith for Tomlinson, and he continued to prove useful enough at either end that it will stereotype him as a sub. Conceding here was frustrating because we'd dominated for 20 minutes, it still left us ahead at three quarter time and looking more likely but nothing could be taken for granted.</p><p>The rookie might have kicked it, but the goal didn't happen without Riewoldt putting down a mark. And now he's on the downside of a great career, the countdown has started to ensuring he never has a massive day out against us. On the occasion of Lance Franklin retiring as the <a href="https://twitter.com/maxlaughton/status/1685851878486413314" target="_blank">era-adjusted</a> greatest goalkicker of all time (I don't mind this measurement, games and goals are the only thing you can judge from 1897 to the present, so it's fair enough to use stats to compare players from different times. Better than when somebody's assigned an 'all time' record based on stats that didn't exist until 1998), I ran the career goalkicking statistics of four great 21st century forwards to check my belief that we'd well held three of them. The results were as expected:</p>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Comparing the record vs Melbourne of Franklin, Riewoldt, Kennedy and Kingsley. First two well-held (and surprisingly inaccurate), Kennedy average, Kent worthy of the honour that carries his name. <a href="https://t.co/akLsEJNk7e">pic.twitter.com/akLsEJNk7e</a></p>— Adam 1.0 (@Demonblog) <a href="https://twitter.com/Demonblog/status/1685896521739337728?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 31, 2023</a></blockquote> <script async="" charset="utf-8" src="https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js"></script>
<p>After kicking 11.0 since quarter time of course we started the last quarter with multiple points. It wouldn't have been as much 'fun' if I'd known what was going to happen, but like every game since Hawthorn the fatal blow took longer than you'd like. By the time it was over there were a lot of fingerprints on the candlestick that killed Richmond in the middle of the MCG. Gawn had been tremendous for the whole second half, and by the last quarter he was taking the piss, filling the Clayton Oliver medical mayhem void by playing like him.</p><p>There was a quick break to fill your shorts when Richmond reacted to five minutes on the back foot with the opening goal. And a second when our defenders tried to tackle a player on the line as if they were sliding barefoot across an ice rink. There is not the remotest chance I've had believed in a five goal win from here, it just seemed impossible that we'd stop them scoring long enough to get ahead and stay there. Then we kicked the last five goals to 0.0, nil, not a cracker. Didn't see that coming.</p><p>Nor did Gawn see the unpenalised eyepoke that indirectly led to Petty's fifth. The novelty value of going down to the most unlikely five goal haul since Sam Blease was obviously all the Tigers could take. Melksham got his fourth, before a moderately contentious free put them away for good. A defender took the high-risk option of trying to fend Pickett in the goalsquare, and when it caused him to be clobbered above the shoulders the umpire said bad luck for getting yourself in that position, gave the free and we were all but home. It might have been technically correct but even I was a bit embarrassed to get a goal under those circumstances.</p><p>Barring any absurd calamities we were already home before Petty took the 'most unexpected haul since....' competition beyond Jamar, Blease and McDonald at Subiaco with his sixth. After five set shots he decided to throw a snap around the corner into the mix, and why not? We knew he was capable of goals - and could have had this many against Hawthorn if it wasn't for injury - but via the AFL Tables list of <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/biglists/bg6.txt" target="_blank">all</a> 5+ performances I deem it our most unlikely sixer of the century. Everyone else who's done in my lifetime it was either a full time forward, or in McSizzle's case already had form. Next cab off the rank is some Tasmanian rando called <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Michael%20Reynolds" target="_blank">Michael Reynolds</a> who got six as a late replacement in 1983 and not many after.</p><p>Between them, Petty, JVR and Melksham now had 13 straight, which is unlikely to happen every week. Got us over the line here though, and once we'd gone into victory lap mode all the action revolved around whether Petty could get another, and watching Gawn rampage around like Genghis Khan, doing anything he wanted. At one point he had more clearances for the quarter than all of Richmond, opening the debate of how much of the season you've got to play to be the All Australian ruckman. May as well just pick him as a pure midfielder at this rate. Shame he missed the shot that would have allowed them to stop the coverage and acknowledge him as the greatest leader in Australia's history, but that was only a minor blemish on an otherwise bonkers performance.</p><p>After the best combined day for our forwards in god knows how long, it somehow ended with Hunter kicking the exclamation goal right at the end, and we'd won surprisingly easy. Didn't feel like it was going that way most of the day, but thank god for finally was nice to put a side away for good instead of generously giving them every chance to get back into the game. </p><p>If this is another square on the way to collecting $200 and flag in Footy Monopoly, we'll look back on it as one of the most important performances of the season. For now, we know dick all about where this year is heading, and in a season that's delivering so many wacky results it'll probably end up as a GWS vs St Kilda Grand Final I don't dare to make any bold predictions but I think we can beat anyone on our day. It's just a matter of making sure that day coincides with the ones finals are being played. </p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Harrison Petty<br />4 - Max Gawn<br />3 - Jack Viney<br />2 - Christian Petracca<br />1 - Jacob van Rooyen </p><p>Massive apologies to Melksham. Normal variety apologies to Bowey, Hunter, Langdon, Lever and Pickett.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />There are 20 points left in the home and away season, and somewhere between 5 and 20 in the finals. That means if you're more than 40 behind the lead now you're stuffed. Like poor Gawn, who pockets five for one of his great performances and is still left on the verge of elimination. As a consolation, I'm comfortable in declaring him the near-certain winner of a 10th Stynes. All eyes on next week, where the main event will be decided if Petracca scores three more than May or Viney but realistically we're just delaying the inevitable.</div><div><br /></div><div>And in the minors, van Rooyen finally escapes the apologies, and becoming by my count the 137th player to get a vote since Jakoviching commenced in Round 1, 2005.</div><div><b> </b></div><div>60 - Christian Petracca (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />--- Needs three finals to win ---<br />29 - Jack Viney<br />28 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />26 - Clayton Oliver</div><div>--- Needs four finals to win ---<br />21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)<br />--- Also Gawn ---</div><div>13 - Ed Langdon, Jake Lever</div><div>12 - Trent Rivers<br />11 - Brodie Grundy, Kysaiah Pickett</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler</div><div>9 - Angus Brayshaw</div><div>7 - Jake Bowey, Harrison Petty<br />5 - Lachie Hunter</div><div>4 - Bayley Fritsch, Michael Hibberd, Jake Melksham</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Adam Tomlinson, Jacob van Rooyen</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>You can make an argument for Melksham pissbolting into the pocket to mark, or for Chandler booting one over his head, but the only winner here can be Petty's joy-inducing snap. What a man, what a performance.</div><div><br /></div><div>Season leaderboard:</div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Christian Petracca vs Gold Coast</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>The All New Bradbury Plan</b></div><div>It's another big week for implications. Now that we've done the right thing you can afford to ease off a bit on the teams below us and hope for Brisbane/Port to stack it. The race for the top eight is magnificently insane, but I'm hoping we're one win away from being able to treat those fringe games with the same left of contempt as Kayo suggesting I watch Malawi vs Barbados netball instead of the end of North/West Coast.</div><div><br /></div><div>Richmond d. Footscray (because Dogs have an easier run home)</div><div>West Coast d. Essendon (because spite)</div><div>Gold Coast d. Adelaide (because their percentage is worse)</div><div>Geelong d. Port (because top two)</div><div>GWS d. Sydney (controversial this one, but I'm hoping the Swans get to R24 with so little interest they roll over and let JVR do his version of Schwarz kicking <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+24+1994" target="_blank">9 in '94</a>)</div><div>Carlton d. St Kilda (bit risky given that we have to play the Blues still, but let's back ourselves to do the right thing again and bump off the nearer contender)</div><div>Fremantle d. Brisbane (now that they're a game and percentage in pick four.. err I mean 15th.. Jacko and the Dockers can do us a favour here)</div><div>Hawthorn d. Collingwood (just to induce pre-finals wobble)</div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b><br />After a couple of near-misses in their 16 straight losses, I really thought North would beat fellow footballing abortion West Coast but they lost a thriller. Which means one more will equal the number of times they beat us in a row from 2007 to 2017. The bad news is that instead of playing them at a proper venue we're off to Casey Fields South where there will probably be a degree of difficulty boosting nine goal breeze to one end. </div><div><br /></div><div>You might think there's absolutely no chance this goes bad, and on paper I'd agree with you but please refer to that <i><a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+13+1993" target="_blank">other</a> </i>traumatic game of my childhood and understand why I won't be engaging in any loose talk about boosting percentage. There's a slight difference in that Sydney had another 10 losses, and we were shit in 1993 anyway but please respect my sporting PTSD.</div><div><br /></div><div>Casey warmed up for a game they won't be involved in by playing in violent wind and losing to the Oscar McDonald-powered Williamstown by a point. Going off nothing but the <a href="https://www.afl.com.au/vfl/matches/5260#player-stats" target="_blank">stats</a>, Dunstan and Hibberd had a shitload of it, Laurie tackled everybody, and they apparently had two players in #0. In the interests of rewarding form, and assuming that Oliver's just days away from another injury setback, I'd like to give forgotten man Dunstan a chance at getting involved in a Cinderella story, but if Sparrow is fit he comes straight back in. Sadly it looks like Harmes is joining Brown in the premiership legend knackery, but both will be metaphorically carried off on our shoulders at the end of the year.</div><div><br /></div><div>The Grundy forward experiment was reportedly binned, probably because they knew he'd spend half the game down the end where nothing was happening. And if that didn't harm his chances of a recall, Petty and Gawn both going bananas a couple of hours later made sure of it. I feel bad for him, and think he'd do a good job if called on, but we're not running a charity he can wait. If it ends in a trade this would surely be the first time three clubs combined to pay a salary. There was talk about tempting fate and resting Gawn next week and I'll have none of it now, then secretly complain that we didn't do it if something goes wrong. Knowing us we'll try to get tricky and play Max at full forward for a rest only for some journeyman galoot to fall across his leg. </div><div><br /></div><div>So as far as I can see there's not much else from the VFL, and not a lot we need to change in the ones. For all his endeavour ANB may as well invest in a butcher's apron, but he has such a bash that I'm willing to accept the 'role' masks a few clangers. Chandler didn't set the world alight but is still ahead of Spargo, and while I'd almost rather Smith to Tomlinson it feels a bit knee-jerk to ditch Tomo after one down game. Joel will just have to sit and wait for somebody at either end to fall over. We've had a great run being able to take off key position players in the last few weeks but I'd love to know what Plan B is if he's needed to replace a runner. Speaking of people who run, Jordon didn't float my boat this week but I'll stick with him, and there's got to be a spot for Hibberd soon if he can remain upright long enough.</div><div><br /></div><div>On the balance of things we should win without too much stress but I'll believe it when I see it. Another eight goal to one first quarter would help. And if we do win, leaving Brett Ratten's caretaker coaching record on par <a href="https://afltables.com/afl/stats/coaches/Alan_McConnell.html" target="_blank">with Alan McConnell</a>, give the man credit for a top job coaching our midfield in 2004.</div><div><br /></div><div><div>IN: Sparrow<br />OUT: Harmes (omit), Smith (back to sub)<br />LUCKY: Jordon, Tomlinson<br />UNLUCKY: Dunstan, Grundy, Hibberd</div></div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b><br />This was very good, coming back from multiple setbacks to run over the top of an in-form, not dead yet great side. Maybe you can convince me we're a chance of winning it all, but at the moment I'm still relying on other teams self-destructing rather than us winning. If we get to Saturday *consults calendar* 30 September and the other side loses via explosive decompression, are you going to give the flag back?</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6408965100294016330.post-8670865060836254472023-07-26T03:53:00.003+10:002023-07-26T03:53:25.602+10:00Snack on danger, dine on death<p>Sir Edmund Hillary had less stress on his way up Mt. Everest than I did getting to the MCG on Sunday, so at what mercifully became the last centre bounce there was much bitterness that I'd missed our greatest modern-day comeback and instead turned up to see us fold like a house of cards in nearly equally shambolic fashion.</p><p>It lacked the spontaneous combustion of Brisbane, but there would still have been immense pain at losing to an eight goal last quarter, against a team who only had six before that, after twice being on the verge of putting them away. After our top four (two? three? certainly not one) campaign was boosted at every other turn over the weekend, all we needed to do was win as favourites to have a two win + percentage advantage in the double chance race, now the unmistakeable air of farce was hanging over the ground like morning fog.</p><p>We got away with it by means fair or foul (delete as applicable to your state of origin), but even after predicting victory only after life and death struggle this was a bit much. We should be honorary holders of the Hippocratic Oath for the number of times Adelaide were revived before nearly rumbling us.</p><p>Even with what passed as a decent home crowd for us against them, there was no need to sit in Row MM, but as I clambered up level four of the Ponsford for just the second time this season it just felt right to keep going. There would have been enough room for free expression of views anywhere from Row Z down, but the back row is my comfortable place. This came in handy during the various terrifying moments of the last quarter when I could stand up if things got too tense, and maniacally pace back and forth as required. </p><p>Forget climate change, inflation, and the general collapse of western civilisation, my greatest fear in life is that TV cameras will catch me in one of these moments of agony. That's the risk of leaving the house, but after a year of not going near another human while we're playing it's going to end in tragedy when there's a 99,000 crowd for us against Collingwood in the first final. Hard to know whether I'd rather be stuck next to one of their fans, or ours doing 'comedy' about Jordan De Goey, Mason Cox etc...</p><p>The Taylor Swift-esque brawl for tickets will be fun, but we've got to get there first. Otherwise it could be GWS in front of 30,000. It's advantage us at the moment, thanks to spots 5-12 on the ladder being occupied by the biggest collection of mid-table mediocrities ever to breathe air. What a week for the journalists who flog themselves senseless over the NBA to try and bring in Wildcard Round, as if the world is fanging for Gold Coast's finals chances to be kept alive as long as possible. Then the old 6-6-6 season split was wheeled out, and you wondered if maybe there was a major international sporting event happening in Australia that the AFL was keen to steer discussion away from.</p><p>I wasn't violently opposed to playing everyone once then splitting the league in three when it was last discussed five or six years ago. Now that we'll seemingly never get rid of Gather Round they've got the excuse to do 17 games + one 'rivalry match' (they'll probably use order of formation to make sure we still have to go to Kardinia Park every year), but this all ignored that there's supposed to be a 19th team in a few years. Either they're not that confident of the Tasmanian stadium being sorted, have contingency plans to neck a Victorian team to balance numbers, or more likely have absolutely no interest in the idea but please look over here and not be distracted by any major events occurring in your city.</p><p>As much as I could have done without the stress of trying to get to the ground on time with 5000 things going on and train works that had me parking 1km from A. Random Station just to avoid replacement buses, but at middle-aged and broken down I appreciate just getting there and being left in peace for a couple of hours. Even when I went to leave home and it was pissing down raining, the prospect of us playing like the Tony Bullimore Express again didn't put me off.</p><p>Staying at home would have been good for my blood pressure and bank balance but I'd have missed our player intros. I always think this stuff is unnecessary, just because you've watched a documentary about the Chicago Bulls is doesn't translate to reading 23 names. The crowd can't stretch full enthusiasm until the end of premiership players being introduced, good luck getting them through to the last player in Round 19. </p><p>This had the added difficulty level of the ground announcer alternating with a child, who clammed up and caused #2 Jacob van Rooyen to be shown in silence, before they recovered the format from Petracca on. As part of the same theme that saw a Thomas The Tank Engine ride nearly bowling over dozy idiots outside the ground, the usual profile photos were replaced by drawings by the kiddies. Everyone except Kade Chandler, who they forgot to commission one for and had to show a generic 'Go Dees' picture with a backwards S that looked a bit "shit, we forgot one. Somebody draw something that looks like a kid did it".</p><p>All of this is a lot more interesting than the first quarter, where both sides took turns battering away at each other's backlines for no reward. We looked better, but it felt like one of those days where we'd do everything right except kicking a decent score. When all the normal forward entry tactics had been tried and failed, it took Pickett merrily thumping the ball off the ground in the general direction of Gawn to get us going. I'm prepared to argue for his genius, and think kicks off the ground are a valid tactic but he got a bit lucky that the ball landed between two defenders. </p><p>After kicking one so high to the same end last week that it altered weather patterns, Max got onto this with slightly less oomph but no less accuracy. It didn't kick off another record-breaking game, but he was more than fine playing solo ruck with JVR as apprentice. It didn't bode well the prospects of Grundy getting a recall any time soon.</p><p>The reluctance to drop Pickett into the midfield for even the shortest spell when he was down on form deserves scrutiny, and he was in everything from the first bounce here. Sometimes you've got to accept that he gets overexcited, like playing on from a free to Melksham and trying to kick a goal on the run from the boundary line, and a silly 50 at a crucial point of the last quarter but as a whole this was his best game since Round 1. They've rediscovered the right balance between playing him forward and midfield, and would be mad to give up on it now.</p><p>Once we'd had our turn at throwing everything but the kitchen sink at them for one goal, it was time for the Crows to spend several minutes with the ball at their end. It was all good when long kicks came in, and their forward line of Walker, the other guy and the other other guy, were easily covered, but we looked vulnerable when unable to get clear. It took a spot of Rankin' Wankin' gold to get them on the board, doing a one-two along the boundary line and blatantly going out of bounds before finishing from an obscure angle. Fair enough. I'd rather concede goals like that against the Crows than let them have set shots. He's probably still upset that we cost him a win on debut in front of <a href="http://demonwiki.org/Round+6+2020" target="_blank">250 people</a>, but by ditching Gold Coast for the Crows he halved the SA market for Pickett so he's good in my book.</p><p>Somebody called Pedlar, which is the most suspect-sounding sports name since Johnny Raper, missed a shot from close range but otherwise it looked like we were winding up to take over. Which would have been nice considering we haven't had an entirely stress free win since Hawthorn. van Rooyen got the next, and we were easily dealing with everything that came in contact with the defence. Tomlinson in particular was great, in a solid follow-up to the '<a href="https://www.foxsports.com.au/afl/afl-2023-trade-whispers-out-of-contract-players-free-agents-esava-ratugolea-adam-tomlinson-draft-picks/news-story/95d9f4dab4ae99916a14417980b3354b?recommendedCount=0" target="_blank">come and get me</a>' story that just happened to make its way to the press this week. For now, all their three tall forwards were quiet, but I didn't fancy seeing what happened if we let the ball get down there too often.</p><p>I wasn't calmed by the first goal after the break, but it helped. I'm glad it went to Chandler, who hadn't kicked one for weeks, and helped proved my contentious theory that you can have him or Spargo in the side but not both. If being kept out of the side at this time of the year causes Charleston to join Grundy, Jordon and Tomlinson (+ Harmes and McDonald?) in the exodus to get a regular game elsewhere it'll be sad but on the whole Chandler has been far more dangerous this year.</p><p>I foolishly thought kicking three in a row might have encouraged opposition with two late changes and a debutant to give in, especially when the second immediately begat the third from the bounce. Then we almost lost after they added an ACL and a burst hamstring to their issues. The latest comeback started with a shitload of chances and two goals in the last few minutes before half time, giving them permission to come back after the break with hope of keeping their season alive.</p><p>The Row MM lifestyle isn't for everyone, but you certainly see a lot of stuff you wouldn't otherwise. For instance, the actual play when the ball is on the other side of the ground. Other than making a wanker of yourself on camera after free kicks, the appeal of sitting right on the fence is lost on me. This way you can see three kicks out which player is going to be running into the forward 50 on his own, and in one case I got a spectacular aerial view of Gawn being kept out of a contest in the square because he had his hands held behind his back as if under arrest. It was a genius move because no umpire with the power to pay a free could see it, and it stopped him from being in position if the ball dropped at the top of the square.</p><p>After Pickett did another basketball style bounce past hapless defenders we had our second chance to put them away in the third quarter after the Bowey > Woewodin > ANB masterclass of ball movement. It was only our second goal of the three kicked so far in the third but still felt like the Crows were being blindfolded and offered the chance to say last words. Then the new and improved short Steven May kick-in went awry, the Crows got a goal, and it was on again. Now you see why he always used to roost it long and left where it couldn't instantly backfire. </p><p>I preferred when May put the ball on the ground to signal Gawn to wander into space, then pissbolt back into the middle of ground at the last minute. It was so obviously out of the ordinary the first time that you wondered if it was a sign, so when he put the ball on the ground a second time nobody except Adelaide was surprised when he did the exact same kick. Max pulled down marks both times, but best come up with a new secret code before next week. And maybe leave the darting short kicks to Salem and/or Bowey.</p><p>We got the last goal of the quarter, and it should be noted that Brown made it with a lovely pass for Gawn. It was a rare highlight for BBB, who tried hard but moved like he's got a degenerative disease. I can't defend keeping him in the side, but the people who greeted one of his marks with Bronx Cheers should have been escorted out. He might be sliding downhill at pace but the man kicked three goals in the Grand Final so feel free to show some respect you peanuts.</p><p>The difference between confidence and a three-quarter time break terrified of something truly weird happening was another Pickett snap that hit the post on the siren. I thought it had gone in, so thank god for being in the back row where nobody could mock my interrupted, fist-swinging celebration. Now we were in the dangerous position of holding a solid but not insurmountable lead against a side who'd generated plenty of opportunities but hadn't been able to convert for shit. It showed they could kick goals if they got going. I didn't expect the going to be gotten so quickly. </p><p>Perhaps you thought a four goal lead was enough, and historically you'd probably be right, but this went very bad, very quickly. After a week of their team being likened to every famous sporting choker, Brisbane fans would have been pissing themselves watching us give back all four goals in machine gun fashion. It was all going a bit 2002 Semi Final for my liking, but all of sudden we slammed the brakes on, and seemed to be running away with it again. I had correctly sensed the weirdness in the air, now it was coming down like poison mist.</p><p>Joel Smith is well suited to substituting at either end of the ground, which came in handy as Petty broke two weeks in a row, but I'd like to know what we'd do with our overload of talls if somebody smaller gets injured. You could see a long way out that he was going to replace Brown, which made it strange that we sent him out again after three quarter time, only to deliver a <i>Muppet Show-</i>style <a href="https://muppet.fandom.com/wiki/Stage_hooks" target="_blank">hook</a> after the Crows went nuts. Unless there were suspicions of a key defender was fit to burst in those opening minutes it's hard to see any other sub that would have made sense, so they may as well have gotten on with it from the start.</p><p>Then, in a great moment for all of us (but more specifically the Bronxing dickheads), Smith's arrival hadn't even been announced on the scoreboard yet when he was pulling down a mark at the top of the square. It was already at an unmissable angle (I remember his dad missing from a similar spot in the 1998 Reserves Final, but he had just landed on his head). but the improbably named 'Hinge' made absolutely sure of it by gobbing off and giving away a token 50. To be fair, Melksham did impact the contest in slightly dodgy fashion. If only the Crows had got Hinge and Lever together they really could have built something.</p><p>We'd been carved up so severely in the opening minutes that it hardly rated as a steadier, but Adelaide did stop scoring for a bit. Smith almost had a second one. The goal umpire was happy with it but the field umpire decided to get himself some airtime by launching a wildcat review. Our case wasn't helped by Petracca immediately signalling touched, so when the camera angles proved completely useless the Margaret and David in the review booth were able to take the ump's opinion with a clear conscience.</p><p>It was a great day for wacky video replays. I'm still skeptical about reviewing anything other ball crossing line or hitting post, and this was not helped by the one that was sent to adjudicate whether Bowey touched it, only for them to come back and confirm that yes, the Adelaide player kicked the ball, which is not what anyone was interested in to start with. I doubt he did touch it, because there was absolutely no reaction, but really enjoyed May berating the goal umpire after as if it was her fault</p><p>Foolishly, once Woewodin and Chandler kicked more goals I partially relaxed and thought surely we'd finally done them. Then the Crows put on a masterclass of death and glory footy, including the guy 40 metres out directly in front handpassing to Taylor Walker to have a shot on the run from 50 instead. It was an odd decision but it worked, and when we failed to capitalise on a shithouse defensive kick straight after it was - unfortunately - on in every sense of the word.</p><p>When Rankin's hamstring exploded I thought surely that removed their most likely source for ripping a pair of late goals. Then Pickett ever so slightly blotted a great game by giving away a stupid inside 50, setting up a mark for Walker at the top of the square. I suspect many of our fans who happily turned a blind eye to every on/off field scandal involving our players spent the day reminding Walker that he'd done a racism. He nearly ended the day by replying "how's that working for you?" but did us a bit of a favour by running down a few seconds adjusting his socks before kicking it.</p><p>That cut the margin to less than a goal. Forgot rewatching entire games, or even quarters, I haven't even had time to see the last two minutes again yet so NFI how much time was left but I was metaphorically shitting through the eye of a needle. And nearly followed through literally when they went forward straight out of the middle, but Tomlinson held his nerve in a one-on-one to punch it through for a point. Given the responsibility of the kick-in, Rivers didn't muck around with any special moves and just hoofed it to the general direction of Gawn. </p><p>From memory Hunter did a handball that skirted legality to get the ball down our end, and Pickett nearly thumped through an exclamation mark goal off the deck with a few seconds left. Lucky there were only a few seconds, because they had the ball in the middle of the ground and were going forward again at the siren. This time we didn't need the argument over a mark, time ran out with the ball and mid-air and we were somehow safe.</p><p>You can't take the moral highground on umpiring when our fans recently greeted a win by whinging about the free kick count, but I was thrilled to leave the ground and find the internet smoking with 'right in front of me' style outrage from Crows fans. It's funny when it happens to somebody else. Shame on the Adeladians in the Ponsford for glumly dealing with the result post-siren instead of charging down the stairs to try and hang over the fence to yell at an umpire Essendon fan style. </p><p>I'm not here to defend all the decisions, but this is a convenient time to point out that free kicks are like missed shots on goal, if the first one is paid differently, the rest don't happen. Maybe some muppet plays on unnecessarily and gives up a goal, maybe you continue to get rolled in many and varied ways until the final siren but there is literally no path you can take from the first allegedly incorrect free to the last. So you can moan about them individually (and I reserve the right to in future), and if they cost goals, but interstate fans framing the whole thing as some Victorian-led conspiracy is a bit rich considering what these teams get at home. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WTc_Qbgbvwk&ab_channel=AFL" target="_blank">Justice for Fitzroy</a> I reckon.</p><p><b>2023 Allen Jakovich Medal votes</b><br />5 - Kysaiah Pickett<br />4 - Jack Viney<br />3 - Angus Brayshaw<br />2 - Kade Chandler<br />1 - Adam Tomlinson</p><p>Apologies to Gawn, Langdon, Lever, McVee, Rivers, Salem. Sparrow - and again adjusted for time on ground Smith.</p><div><div><b>Leaderboard</b><br />Nothing for either of the top two, leaving one less week worth of votes to overhaul Petracca with. Poor old Chandler and Brayshaw are swallowed by the dreaded dotted line just as they get back in the votes. No change in the minors.</div><div><b> </b></div><div>58 - Christian Petracca (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)<br />--- Needs at least two finals to win ---<br />28 - Steven May (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)<br />26 - Clayton Oliver, Jack Viney</div><div>--- Needs four finals to win ---<br />17 - Max Gawn (LEADER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)</div><div>13 - Ed Langdon, Jake Lever</div><div>--- Done for ---</div><div>12 - Trent Rivers<br />11 - Brodie Grundy, Kysaiah Pickett</div><div>10 - Kade Chandler</div><div>9 - Angus Brayshaw</div><div>7 - Jake Bowey</div><div>5 - Lachie Hunter</div><div>4 - Bayley Fritsch, Michael Hibberd, Jake Melksham</div><div>3 - James Jordon, Judd McVee (LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Christian Salem, Tom Sparrow</div><div>2 - Ben Brown, Harrison Petty</div><div>1 - Tom McDonald, Adam Tomlinson</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year</b></div><div><div>It's got to be Pickett in the third quarter, look at him dash off on the poor bastard trailing behind. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWyTK5xcVpc&ab_channel=AWAstuff" target="_blank">And that is all the people need to know.</a> In the spirit of recency bias there's an argument for it going to third on the overall table, but I'd like to keep him hungry to come up with something truly outrageous by the end of the season.</div>
<blockquote class="twitter-tweet"><p dir="ltr" lang="en">Kozzy Pickett kicks an absolute beauty!<a href="https://twitter.com/hashtag/AFLDeesCrows?src=hash&ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">#AFLDeesCrows</a> <a href="https://t.co/SBtUOSxUpV">pic.twitter.com/SBtUOSxUpV</a></p>— AFL (@AFL) <a href="https://twitter.com/AFL/status/1683011434572140544?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw">July 23, 2023</a></blockquote><div>Season leaderboard:</div><div>1 - Jack Viney vs Brisbane<br />2 - Jake Melksham vs Brisbane<br />3 - Christian Petracca vs Gold Coast</div></div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>The All New Bradbury Plan</b></div><div>I'm not sure if this is even mathematically possible, so you'll just have to follow me on the vibe, but while Port's loss ever so slightly opened the door on a top two plan, Brisbane's win made the top three plan less likely. At this stage I think we're almost certain to finish fourth, setting up a first final against Collingwood that will blow the lid off the MCG. At the moment we're aiming to get as high as possible on the ladder, so your cards for Round 20 - which is not as close to the end of the year as it used to be:</div><div><br /></div><div>Collingwood d. Carlton (hopefully demoralising the Blues before we play them again)</div><div>Fremantle d. Geelong (but if we end up winning the next day I'll hope Geelong won for the draft implications)</div><div>GWS d. Footscray (this is a spicy one, but as the Dogs play more of the rock bottom teams it's best that they lose this one before we turn on GWS next week) </div><div>Gold Coast d. Brisbane (I'll eat a surfboard if this happens)</div><div>Sydney d. Essendon (neither likely to make up enough ground to get involved in the top eight struggle so I'm judging this on the Swans being half a game further back and personal spite)</div><div>Adelaide d. Port</div><div>Hawthorn d. St Kilda</div><div><br /></div><div>... and you can judge whether North finally winning a game after 16 weeks just before they play us is a good or bad thing, but if they don't beat West Coast it might be time to draw the shutters and give us the keys for Arden Street.</div><div><br /></div><div><div><b>Next week</b></div><div><div>Last time you couldn't judge the performance of the fringe players because Casey had the bye, this time you couldn't because they played one of the witches' hat standalone sides. I feel for Coburg, Preston and Frankston but being a walkover in a competition that already has a ludicrous number of teams in it doesn't seem like a recipe for long-term survival. Given that Footscray beat the Bullants 161-4, a 42 point win over Coburg doesn't seem that impressive - even if they do have a player called 'Ingo Dammersmith' who has obviously been recruited from the Marvel Universe. </div><div><br /></div><div>Somehow Coburg has won two less games than Preston (e.g. nil), but have a 15 point better percentage so who knows what's going on in this bullshit competition. It doesn't inspire confidence that anything that happened will translate to the seniors. We took it so seriously that Grundy was <a href="https://www.afl.com.au/vfl/matches/5245#line-ups" target="_blank">named</a> at full back with Harmes and Spargo in the pockets, Schache at centre half back, and Jefferson on a half back flank. I thought somebody must have read sent the teamsheet backwards, but Hibberd is the sixth man in the backline so somebody's vigorously extracting the piss.</div><div><br /></div><div>Harmes and Dunstan (remember him?) had a shitload of possessions, but really the only interest was in Hibberd staying in one piece, and whether Grundy would plunder the part-timers for 10 goals. One did, one didn't, and regardless of a good performance from Spargo he's probably shot while Chandler is doing well. I'm also enjoying Woewodin, he doesn't get heaps of it yet but what he does do is good. Until somebody does something better against competent reserves opposition he stays in.</div><div><br /></div><div>It breaks my heart to shoot Bambi, but this might have been the end for Ben Brown. Sorry Ben, I will cherish that goal at the start of the last quarter on 25/09/21 amongst the most important of my life, but it's just not happening. He got stooged by a couple of rancid inside 50 kicks here, but if we're going to keep doing hit-and-hope forward entries he's not in a position to make the required contests. If the other options fall over I'd rather bring him back than follow the Chris From Camberwell plan and rush Jefferson into the side (yes, this was a real talkback call) but I'd like to go against everything I said several weeks ago and replace him with Petty. </div><div><br /></div><div>Taking Petty out of my favourite backline of all time goes against all my key beliefs, but the newfound level of confidence in Tomlinson makes me think it might turn out ok at either end. I assume Harrison is fit and just missed this week as a precaution. He doesn't get a mention on the website's injury report, but then again at the time of writing that's dated <a href="https://www.melbournefc.com.au/news/injury-updates" target="_blank">Tuesday 26 June</a> and features Clayton Oliver as 1-2 weeks so could have been written any time in the last two months. Massive apologies to Smith, who has just had two of the best quarters of his career at opposite ends of the ground but I'd just like to try Petty and Tomlinson at either and see what happens.</div><div><br /></div><div>IN: Petty<br />OUT: Brown (omit), Smith (back to sub)<br />LUCKY: Nil<br />UNLUCKY: Grundy, Harmes, Spargo</div></div></div></div></div><div><br /></div><div><b>Final thoughts</b></div><div>I don't know if this was a demonstration of potential premiers, but Adelaide fell short of Collingwood by a similar margin and everyone's expecting them to win the flag in a canter so who knows. Cast a voodoo spell to bring Oliver and Fritsch back to life, find a key forward that causes fear in the hearts of opponents, do enough for a double chance and this year could still end where you want it to.</div>Adam 1.0http://www.blogger.com/profile/06498241414808475703noreply@blogger.com4