Like 2018, this season may end with an interstate final (or it may not, settle down) but this time I won't be flying in (or boating in, or stowing myself inside an interstate freight train) to see it. I'm comfortable with that, it seems we're not going to disgrace ourselves so anything from here is a bonus. Unless you're North Melbourne, holding our first round pick as its value goes down faster than Virgin Australia shares. No matter what happens from here - until the inevitable heartbreaking finish - everything looks better than the driving towards a cliff recreation of 2011 of three weeks ago.
Even after two landslide wins I didn't expect The New Entertainers to reach triple figures here. We had enough trouble doing that in full-length games last year. I was mentally preparing for a slopfest but turns out everything (other than a brief pelting rain) was in our favour - a functioning midfield, surprisingly crisp delivery to a marking forward line, accurate kicking for goal, a dispirited opposition shedding players at a record rate and some of the zaniest umpiring decisions you'll ever see in our favour. After two weeks of umpiring rub you can pretty much lock-in the royal shaft next week.
While the Dees got off to a decent start, my first few minutes were less successful. It was only when I browsed Twitter and saw people hanging shit on AVB for an incident that hadn't yet occurred on my screen that I realised I was about three minutes behind the play. Thanks to the excessively long breaks after goals it only took until quarter time to catch up. I can't stand being delayed, even by a few seconds, knowing things have happened that I don't know about. Sometimes it's unavoidable, this was 100% human error.
The delay meant you saw our wonderfully constructed opening goal before I did, with the previously maligned (mostly by me) Brayshaw and Oliver (maligned at your peril) combining to set The Weid up for a perfect run at the ball right in front of goal. Crucially for his confidence he kicked it, and while he only got one more (two a week will do me nicely) Weid continued to provide an important contest in the air all night, absolutely terrifying defenders who had to jump against him. I thought he was guaranteed a letdown week after getting much-deserved media recognition (no word yet on whether he's going to be the public face - as it were - for my baggy eyes support group) but his re-rearrival continues. After seven appearances his two goal a game average is better than every forward in the league other than the reasonable company of Hawkins and Kennedy.
It was a good contested mark but don't discount the contribution from Oliver's kick. With a defender up his ginger he took the ball, swivelled and immediately dropped it 50 metres to the perfect spot. His kicks don't always work, but whose do? According to last night's stats, Pickett and Sparrow but you see my point. Brayshaw was also good again, put in the middle where he belongs instead of on the outside where his occasionally NQR disposal can do the most damage. If this is what gets him back to his best then bless him and long may it continue. The love/suspicion relationship continues - I don't know if anyone has ever appeared in my votes and potential outs so many times in the same season. This week votes, next week who knows.
After two weeks of conceding unnecessary early goals to flotsam and jetsam, going two up midway through the term was welcome. Brayshaw was in the second as well, launching one of the long bomb set shots that set the competition alight two years ago. As the pass came from Spargo I was forced to disavow unkind comments I'd made about two players at the same time. It was that kind of evening, by the end I was even praising umpires for their avante-garde approach to the laws of the game.
For the second week in a row, Gus celebrated his goal with a quick golf swing, before being immediately shown on the bench under instruction from Goodwin, probably telling him to stamp it out. I'm into it for the novelty value but I can see why coaches would want to stick to the dour old ways of celebrating goals instead of turning the AFL into the WWF. Forget AFLX for getting the internationals interested, embrace smart arse celebrations and excess niggle.
Speaking of characters, I didn't think much of his Don Mattingley in the Simpsons style no-sides haircut, but Preuss was solid. Treated like a Nick Smith 2004 style comedy selection, he more than held his own against a multiple All-Australian. It was not the sort of knockout performance you might have got from Gawn but if that's the best Grundy can do then best of luck paying him a million bucks for the next seven years. Preuss was not only competitive in the taps but held marks around the ground, which came as a surprise to anyone who remembered his crab-handed attempts at marking in late 2019. I'd still send him to the VFL - when it exists again - and try to teach him to take contested marks in front of goal but if he's content to live as a second or third-string ruckman for the rest of his contract he's not the worst 'break in case of emergency' option.
Despite having a break-even ruckman and a midfield that ultimately won the game, the Pies got the ball out of the centre comfortably early before dropping their bundle. The problem was their kicking into the forward 50 was a Melbourne level of haphazard. On the night we suddenly started connecting with targets left, right, and centre they were doing panic dump kicks that were swiftly rebounded. Even Lever finally took a towering contested mark when he could have just punched the ball away. He later spoiled the goodwill by handballing straight to a Pies player for a gift a goal but I appreciated it at the time.
If we're doing a BABBA style tribute to 2018, this was the note-perfect version of the first finals quarter against Geelong. Absorbing pressure then striking back with furious vengeance, and with enough Weid content to keep even the most cynical fan smiling for a week. There was added crumb, with Pickett pouncing on a loose ball to make it three goals to nil. Our forward pressure was top shelf, and Spargo deserves credit for being involved in this one as well. He had some decent games in his first season but this half was the best he's ever played. By half time Pies fans were flicking through their Kingsley equivalent trying to find other Melbourne players who'd had career-best days against them (Darren Cuthbertson doesn't count).
There were also missed opportunities, as we ran rings around them inside and out, and cleared the ball with the greatest of ease. Even when they had a fully fit forward line they didn't look like kicking a decent score. If nothing else it was clear we weren't going to lose a shootout. If we could play a couple of good quarters in a row and ease our score out to 50 or 60 we'd likely win. Easier said than done, how many times have we followed one promising term with 0.3?
After quarter time the Geelong 2018 comparisons were limited. It lacked Sam Frost (or a replacement) telling the equivalent of Sam Frost to "pull your fucking head in", but had the added drama of an opposition player being knocked into next week in a collision. Shithouse news for him, and we hope he's ok, but after two games of taking full advantage of the other side losing a player to injury early in the game I was finally ready to admit this might work in our favour.
Even after a quarter of near-complete domination in all aspects of the game, tensions still rose when the clock ticked towards DemonTime. If there's ever been a modern side that has conceded more goals in the last 90 seconds of quarters than us I'm yet to meet them. Even when we were attacking with a minute left you just knew the Pies - so far restricted to 0.1 - would probably get another go. And so it was, ironically via a ludicrous decision in our favour. Holding the ball is as big a lottery now as ruck infringements, but I'd have thought Melksham gathering, taking a couple of steps and feigning to handball before being tackled constituted prior opportunity. Later Viney got one free for diving at Steele Sidebottom's legs, then got another for a Collingwood player doing the same thing to him. Always good to see the rich and powerful (clubs) get stitched up.
Milkshake was so surprised not to be pinged that he just blindly hooked it into space, allowing the Pies down the other end and kick the last goal of the term. It almost made you want to destroy furniture, but not as much as conceding another 30 seconds after the break when the weight of Jay Lockhart's ludicrous moustache caused him to topple forwards and leave his opponent unguarded in front of goal. Other than his poor choice of facial hair Lockhart was very good again, and has all but killed off the much loved Nifty Nev. Earlier in the year, I said I didn't want to watch him learn to be a defender on the job but I didn't know he was going to pick it up so quickly.
This made things a bit ropey for us. It's a cliche but it would have been easy for players to be disheartened, drop their heads and waste all the good work of the first 15 minutes. Instead, a surprise attacking juggernaut was about to break out, as we came out on top 7-4 in an 11 goal quarter that even neutrals would have to admit was genuinely exciting to watch. Especially after watching the world's most boring one point in the earlier game.
That was about as far as the wonky decisions went for the Pies. You can only imagine the pain of suffering of their fans (dry your eyes on a flag) when Petracca unsuccessfully tried spelunking through three men, disposed of the ball by [SCENE MISSING] and still contributed to a goal. Tomlinson, Sparrow and Jones had a hand in the buildup, but the finish was a joint Milkshake/Weid production. I don't know if Melksham was having a shot, or intended for his around the corner kick to land at the top of the square, but it curled perfectly for Weideman to run back with the flight and mark in the square. When you're a commentator it's more important to be first than right so there was brief consternation that he hadn't just let it go through, until the replay revealed that's because the Collingwood defender would have spoiled it. No matter the evidence to the contrary I choose to believe Melksham 100% meant to drop the ball on him in that spot and it was an act of genius.
If you're a Collingwood fan make sure you watch the highlights because every second one features your side being rorted by the umpires, including Viney blatantly dropping the ball in a tackle seconds before vandenBerg's perfectly legal flying spoil ended in Collingwood player head being violently introduced to Gabba turf. He had eyes for nothing but the ball but I expect there were still Pies fans at home demanding an ANB style excessive suspension. Wouldn't have happened if they'd paid the obvious free right before.
After a break to cart the injured player off, we continued the demolition job, complete with Preuss thumping a long kick to McDonald for another goal. As we wait for the much-anticipated All The Goals video, it's negligent of the AFL not to include this in their highlights package. He may never do a kick that good again in his career, it deserved to be spotlighted. I still don't understand how every goal doesn't count as a highlight in the lowest scoring season (no longer our fault) since 1923.
Via Lever's wonky handball gifting Jamie Elliott a goal (consider it a special gift for even half-considering joining us in the off-season) it was time for one of the most unusual cameos of the seasons. Enter Charleston Spargo, the man who looked like he was in his mid-40s at 18. He is starting to more realistically resemble his age and was about to have the time of his life. I don't know what's going on in his personal life but I doubt he's had a better 10 minutes since whatever he breached lockdown protocols for.
Charlie was solid last week, but this was his version of Woodstock (coming soon: Weidstock), kicking three goals in 10 minutes. It was hard to judge whether his second or third goals was better. The first involved juggling a mark, following up with pressure on his opponent, then snatching it back to snap from a distance I didn't even know he could make. The third was from much closer range, but was arguably better, snatching a nearly-mark from McDonald, jinking around defenders, and poking past a half-hearted attempt at goalkeeping by a defender. Hibberd would have dived full stretch and tipped it around the corner for a point but not everyone has a burning desire to be in the nets for a fictional International Rules team.
In the middle of Spargo-mania, Preuss did launch another big kick that generated a goal, via another McSizzle juggle that sat the ball up perfectly for Melksham to stuff home out of mid-air. This one made the highlights but it wasn't as good a kick. It was still more than most of us expected Preuss to do though. He's too one dimensional to play if Gawn is fit but if you were a fair to middling side who needed a #1 ruckman this might have made you ponder trading for him.
Even after six goals and further evidence that we had Collingwood's number, I think we all knew what was going to happen late in the quarter. Lo and be-fucking-hold the traditional DemonTime goal crossed the line just inside the famous 90 second range. Forget somebody at this club having a sexual fetish for blowing four goal leads, there's a raging horn on for letting goals in at the end of quarters. Unusually, for the second time in recent weeks we conceded at one end, then stormed out of the middle to cancel it. Even more likely, the reply came from Langdon, who celebrated with an expression that gave away that he knew just how many ridiculous near misses he'd had before then.
That made the half-time margin 32 points, and we were either going to win or come out looking like the biggest buffoons (non-Adelaide division) of 2020. In theory, the rain that started falling during the break should have worked in our favour, but the way we usually treat precipitation it may as well have been acid rain. For a few minutes the script was followed to the letter, adjusting to the conditions via a series of dropped marks, fumbled ground balls and handballs to nobody. Ok, that happens in the dry too.
Our plans had been interrupted by the wet, but it quickly became clear that the opposition were even more miserable in the conditions. It was the perfect opportunity for somebody you've never heard of before to have a quick 30 touches and four goals to join Dick, Oxley and Cox as Collingwood Kingsleys but their spirit had already been torn out and strewn across the Gabba turf like a Mortal Kombat fatality.
Now that he had a taste for it, nerves were settled by another Langdon goal. This time via TWO dubious frees (👍), before Petracca kicked one of those goals from the boundary line that you feel he's more likely to get than from 20 metres directly in front. For degree of difficulty, it was nowhere near the Carlton bloke having to relocate half a Ted's Cameras store, various cables and a plastic chair before kicking the winning the goal after the siren, but Truck still managed to have snippy words with a photographer before landing it from an obscure angle. I love him deeply.
Now we were next to no chance of losing, but with the elusive Chris Sullivan Line still one goal away you weren't going to catch me claiming victory. Especially when they ended the quarter (not, for once, in the dying seconds) with a nonsense goal from a wild snap that dropped like an anchor into a forward's arms at the top of the square. It was unlikely to have any impact on the six goal margin, especially as they'd just lost another player to injury, but as you well know the best thing to do with Melbourne is expect the worst and hope to be pleasantly surprised.
Six goals up, on a wet ground, against a side with two days less break and two crocked players be buggered, I was still nervous that we'd find a way to lose, or at least allow them to get close enough that it no longer felt like an important victory. Those of us with little faith were quickly put back in our box. Burgess Ball didn't have the same sadistic streak that it did against the rock-bottom rancid sides, but it still ended in a much-appreciated runaway victory.
Everything was coming up Melbourne. After an otherwise ordinary night, Fritsch got his first when the ball skidded past intended target Weideman and landed perfectly with him to turn around and kick the goal. He added a second, but not before the ultimate entry in the "it's funny when it happens to somebody else" file. There was Jake Melksham minding his own business at the top of the forward 50 when Collingwood Player #1 mistakenly kicked the ball about eight metres straight to him. Understandably, Collingwood Player #2 thought there was no way the umpire would pay a mark for such a sawn-off kick and tackled him only to be pinged for a 50.
Think of history's greatest comedians - Hicks, Carlin, Bloody Wilson, and ask yourself if they have ever created anything more humorous than those two decisions put together. No matter what the margin was, if we'd been dudded in the same circumstances I'd have punched on Paying the mark is one thing - as pointed out in commentary the umpire had clearly decided he was going to allow the original kick and had a brain fade when it was intercepted - but the 50 was just insulting. Even if it was technically there it would have been an appropriate time to realise the initial mistake and issue a warning instead. Oh well, stiff shit.
Of all the scenarios that could have provided the cherry on top, I didn't expect it to involve Tom Sparrow leading majestically down the middle of the 50 like one of the great full forwards. I dare say he wouldn't have been given as much space against a defence that still had its life force but it was great movement nonetheless, capped off by another well taken set shot. Sparrow is probably keeping Harmes in half-back purgatory, but I've enjoyed his performances since he came back. If it doesn't work in the midfield get him leading inside 50.
Sparrow gets credit for the lovely lead but I really enjoyed the dainty kick from 100 Games of Salo (wait until you see the party we've got planned for 120). I've been critical of his accuracy recently but this was his best game in a few weeks, and this was as good a kick from the position he was in that you'll see, not even trying to stand up after gathering before pinging it straight to the oncoming forward. In the immortal words of Gavin Wood, "you'll bar up".
That's 15.11 to 1.3 in last quarters over three weeks, with a percentage of 1233.3. Darren you magnificent bastard. Credit also to Mr. Learnings and Connection, who has learnt something and improved our connection. Whether it stands up under scrutiny from better, fitter, teams is anybody's guess but I'm much happier to be in this position than the way it was going
In a surprise twist on last week, the unusual hours I keep ended with me watching part of the game in a car park again. This time, though, it wasn't just a throwaway first quarter before I could get comfortable for the rest of the match, this was the whole second half. I was truly at the mercy of 4G reception. One day I'm going to have to watch a close finish under these circumstances and will be found dead of an aneurysm. Politely, the tenuous connection between Optus and Kayo carried me until halfway through the last quarter when the result was confirmed before shitting itself, regularly leaving me 15/30 seconds behind again.
Against the odds it was a fun night. There was no 'big' moment like the timeless 2018 Watts goal, but it was the widest margin we've beaten the Pies by in 20 years. Jeff Farmer's nine in the second half that day narrowly shade Charlie Spargo's three in the first this time but both work in their own way.
Things are looking up but there's no time for complacency. If this is a condensed version of 2018 we'll still need to drop out of the eight (indeed, by the time you read this we probably already have) and fight our way back in the hard way, including two games in Fortress Cairns and playing through to the end while everyone else has a bye.
Some would say it shows a lack of ambition to be happy about temporarily sitting eighth, I say try following Melbourne for 30 years and see how your perspective changes. It may only last a week but we're nudging from mid-table mediocrity towards finals lottery ticket holders - and that's all you need to be a chance. I'm convinced this side is still nowhere near a chance of winning it all. This comforts me when I think that we might (MIGHT) make finals at the same time Victoria is treated like a plague state where death squads pick you off for doing a Kentucky run after 8pm BUT am hopeful that it's a tuneup for our proper crack at glory next year. Either that or another 17th place finish.
2020 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year
5 - Clayton Oliver
4 - Angus Brayshaw
3 - Ed Langdon
2 - Christian Petracca
1 - Christian Salem
Apologies to almost everyone, but especially Hibberd, Lockhart, May, Melksham, Spargo, Weideman and Viney.
4 - Angus Brayshaw
3 - Ed Langdon
2 - Christian Petracca
1 - Christian Salem
Apologies to almost everyone, but especially Hibberd, Lockhart, May, Melksham, Spargo, Weideman and Viney.
Leaderboard
More of the same for the big hitters, with Petracca ceding points off the lead but remaining more than a full BOG ahead of The Hamburglar. If there are only six games left, the best any of the zero vote people can do is tie for the title, if there's more The Wagnii are still a chance.
No change in the minors, except for Salem narrowing the gap on May, but in the unlikely event of him scoring 21 or more points Preuss is now eligible for the Stynes. And the Hilton continues to be a bit of a shambles, especially now that Luke Jackson's blown his hamstring and is out for the rest of the year.
More of the same for the big hitters, with Petracca ceding points off the lead but remaining more than a full BOG ahead of The Hamburglar. If there are only six games left, the best any of the zero vote people can do is tie for the title, if there's more The Wagnii are still a chance.
No change in the minors, except for Salem narrowing the gap on May, but in the unlikely event of him scoring 21 or more points Preuss is now eligible for the Stynes. And the Hilton continues to be a bit of a shambles, especially now that Luke Jackson's blown his hamstring and is out for the rest of the year.
35 - Christian Petracca
21 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Viney
11 - Ed Langdon, Steven May (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
29 - Clayton Oliver
11 - Ed Langdon, Steven May (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Angus Brayshaw
8 - Christian Salem
8 - Christian Salem
6 - Michael Hibberd, Sam Weideman
2 - Jake Melksham
1 - Mitch Hannan, Jake Lever, Jay Lockhart, Kysaiah Pickett (JOINT LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Trent Rivers (JOINT LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)
I have noticed that in this 16th (!!!) running of the Jakovich we're tracking to break last year's record for the least individual players to score votes. It remained reasonably steady through good and bad from 2005 to 2018 then tightened up over the last couple of seasons.
2005 - 27
2006 - 24
2007 - 29
2008 - 28
2009 - 28
2010 - 26
2011 - 29
2012 - 27
2013 - 30
2014 - 26
2015 - 29
2016 - 26
2017 - 27
2018 - 26
2019 - 21
2020 - 16
What does it all mean? No idea, do I look like Champion Data to you?
Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year
I enjoyed Petracca's goal from the fence but am going with Spargo's Pickettesque dance steps and finish in the second quarter. Truck retains the overall lead for his barnstorming goal of the middle last week, but Charlie wins the weekly hotel related prize of a Corby Trouser Press, to be dismantled at his leisure.
1 - Mitch Hannan, Jake Lever, Jay Lockhart, Kysaiah Pickett (JOINT LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal), Trent Rivers (JOINT LEADER: Jeff Hilton Rising Star Medal)
I have noticed that in this 16th (!!!) running of the Jakovich we're tracking to break last year's record for the least individual players to score votes. It remained reasonably steady through good and bad from 2005 to 2018 then tightened up over the last couple of seasons.
2005 - 27
2006 - 24
2007 - 29
2008 - 28
2009 - 28
2010 - 26
2011 - 29
2012 - 27
2013 - 30
2014 - 26
2015 - 29
2016 - 26
2017 - 27
2018 - 26
2019 - 21
2020 - 16
What does it all mean? No idea, do I look like Champion Data to you?
Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year
I enjoyed Petracca's goal from the fence but am going with Spargo's Pickettesque dance steps and finish in the second quarter. Truck retains the overall lead for his barnstorming goal of the middle last week, but Charlie wins the weekly hotel related prize of a Corby Trouser Press, to be dismantled at his leisure.
For once, there's not much to say here. See what happens when Fox Footy supply an adult, professional commentary team instead of people who go off like a pork chop for four quarters.
A couple of times during the first half I didn't have the commentary on for a few minutes (could people not interrupt me during a Dwayne or BT call?) instead, but was there one mention of Sam Weideman's family connections to Collingwood. Not only did Eddie McGuire have to watch his team go tits up but they didn't even take note of the 12 pages of Pies references he supplied.
There was, for unclear reasons, a half-time highlights package of Jeremy Howe marks despite the fact that he hasn't played for six weeks. I guess somebody had gone to the trouble of making it so they thought best not let it go to waste. Because the half time score was superimposed over the score of the games where the marks were taken you were free to enjoy some of his screamers for the first time without being reminded that we were 82 points behind. I still prefer a gentle chest mark that leads to or stops a goal. Give me The Weid tracking Melksham's kick back to the square over Howe standing on a Sydney player's head then turning it over every day of the week.
I know the Fox production team must be working like prisoners of war with all these back-to-back games but you'd have preferred a hastily assembled collection of Lynden Dunn's angriest moments. Hurling abuse while standing on the mark, bullying younger players, provoking Brent Harvey into cheating. For his finest non-niggle related performance you can either have the five goals against Richmond in 2010 that opened the door (soon slammed shut) on an unlikely finals run OR the enormous defensive performance against Essendon in the Salem game. I don't care that he was seen celebrating after the Pies toppled us out of the finals in 2017, he'll always be welcome back.
A couple of times during the first half I didn't have the commentary on for a few minutes (could people not interrupt me during a Dwayne or BT call?) instead, but was there one mention of Sam Weideman's family connections to Collingwood. Not only did Eddie McGuire have to watch his team go tits up but they didn't even take note of the 12 pages of Pies references he supplied.
There was, for unclear reasons, a half-time highlights package of Jeremy Howe marks despite the fact that he hasn't played for six weeks. I guess somebody had gone to the trouble of making it so they thought best not let it go to waste. Because the half time score was superimposed over the score of the games where the marks were taken you were free to enjoy some of his screamers for the first time without being reminded that we were 82 points behind. I still prefer a gentle chest mark that leads to or stops a goal. Give me The Weid tracking Melksham's kick back to the square over Howe standing on a Sydney player's head then turning it over every day of the week.
I know the Fox production team must be working like prisoners of war with all these back-to-back games but you'd have preferred a hastily assembled collection of Lynden Dunn's angriest moments. Hurling abuse while standing on the mark, bullying younger players, provoking Brent Harvey into cheating. For his finest non-niggle related performance you can either have the five goals against Richmond in 2010 that opened the door (soon slammed shut) on an unlikely finals run OR the enormous defensive performance against Essendon in the Salem game. I don't care that he was seen celebrating after the Pies toppled us out of the finals in 2017, he'll always be welcome back.
Next Week
Now that we've broken through in one part of South East Queensland, time to tick off the other and win at Carrara. We play Footscray, only a marginally less wacky fixture than Collingwood in Brisbane, in another crucial mid-table game. Their percentage is shithouse, so a win could all but kill them off. On recent form we should win, but it's usually when you start to believe in this side that they stitch you up so I'm staying vigilant.
With two decent breaks to come there doesn't seem to be any reason to rest players unless there's something wrong with them, and other than McSizzle having looked half-crippled for 18 months, none of the big guns seem to be struggling so we'll let the side roll for the Dogs game. I'm not crazy about AVB but now that they've got Brayshaw going in the middle I'm happy not tinkering too much with the midfield mix.
Tomlinson worries me in defence, but until you can come up with a better alternative than Oscar (resurgence cancelled) he'll have to do. We'd best use what picks we do have this year to draft or pick some big defenders - one ready to play immediately, one developing big bastard to take over from May in 3/4 years time. Your suggestions please on potential trade targets, I'm not interested enough in other teams to know who the suitable options are. Alternatively, apply essential oils to whatever ails Tom McSizzle and put him back down there.
For now, Sizzle offers enough around the ground that he should hold his place ahead of Preuss if Gawn returns. This is no slight on Old Comedy Moustache Lips but what are you going to do with him if Maximum is in the side? McDonald 2020 is no McDonald 2018 but he's still more likely to kick goals forward.
Appropriately, the Bulldogs were the first opponents to hold us to a normal score after we ran riot for three weeks in 2018. Still won by plenty, even after giving them a three goal start. More of that without a 20-1 first quarter deficit and Lever blowing his ACL on a concrete surface please.
With two decent breaks to come there doesn't seem to be any reason to rest players unless there's something wrong with them, and other than McSizzle having looked half-crippled for 18 months, none of the big guns seem to be struggling so we'll let the side roll for the Dogs game. I'm not crazy about AVB but now that they've got Brayshaw going in the middle I'm happy not tinkering too much with the midfield mix.
Tomlinson worries me in defence, but until you can come up with a better alternative than Oscar (resurgence cancelled) he'll have to do. We'd best use what picks we do have this year to draft or pick some big defenders - one ready to play immediately, one developing big bastard to take over from May in 3/4 years time. Your suggestions please on potential trade targets, I'm not interested enough in other teams to know who the suitable options are. Alternatively, apply essential oils to whatever ails Tom McSizzle and put him back down there.
For now, Sizzle offers enough around the ground that he should hold his place ahead of Preuss if Gawn returns. This is no slight on Old Comedy Moustache Lips but what are you going to do with him if Maximum is in the side? McDonald 2020 is no McDonald 2018 but he's still more likely to kick goals forward.
Appropriately, the Bulldogs were the first opponents to hold us to a normal score after we ran riot for three weeks in 2018. Still won by plenty, even after giving them a three goal start. More of that without a 20-1 first quarter deficit and Lever blowing his ACL on a concrete surface please.
IN: Gawn
OUT: Preuss (omit)
LUCKY: Tomlinson, vandenBerg
UNLUCKY: Bennell, Hannan, Rivers
The Return of the Bradbury Plan
We've been down the long and winding road since the last time this feature was last live, after we completely buggered it up against the Swans at the MCG. Long odds that the next week we'd win in Perth and make it all irrelevant, much less win two finals in front of a combined 185,000 people soon after. I don't know where it ends this time but we won't see that many fans combined until about Round 3 next year.
So, after it was only spoken about in the broadest terms after we won two in a row to get to 3-5 last year, the world-famous Bradbury Plan is officially back. Remember, it's open source so I'm only dreaming big enough for us to finish seventh or eighth, but you can adjust your predictions if you think we'll finish higher. It's not an exact science, I once had Port Adelaide in the rock solid out-of-sight, win everything column and they proceeded to miss the eight.
So, initial team rankings:
No threat to us, win everything - Brisbane, Port, Geelong, North, Adelaide
Likely no threat, can do us favours by beating other mid-table teams - West Coast, St. Kilda, Richmond, Sydney, Hawthorn
Outside threat. Beat some mid-table teams, lose to everyone else - Carlton, Fremantle
Big threats, lose everything until further notice (matches between them to be decided on a case-by-case basis) - Collingwood, GWS, Essendon, Footscray, Gold Coast
If you consider Collingwood, GWS, Essendon, Footscray and Gold Coast the likely contenders, the good news is that none of them play each other until Collingwood/Gold Coast in Round 17 - by which point one of them is hopefully dead and buried to the point where we can openly go for the other. St. Kilda/GWS in the last round is also a concern, but there's generally a clear run from here where you should be able to clearly identify your preferred winner. We can also do ourselves favours by beating the Saints, Giants and Bombers. Difficult to comprehend that this would even be a topic for discussion after the Port debacle but there you go.
Here's your cut out and keep guide to where I think games should go between now and the time I'm likely to finish next week's post.
Adelaide d. Bulldogs (fail)
St. Kilda d. Essendon (pass - though there is a St Kilda plummet theory that meant I could have got something out of it with an Essendon win)
Hawthorn d. WCE
Richmond d. Suns
Carlton d. Suns
Hawthorn vs Port - no interest
Richmond d. Essendon
Sydney d. Freo (with scant interest)
Adelaide d. Geelong
Brisbane d. St Kilda
WCE d. GWS
OUT: Preuss (omit)
LUCKY: Tomlinson, vandenBerg
UNLUCKY: Bennell, Hannan, Rivers
The Return of the Bradbury Plan
We've been down the long and winding road since the last time this feature was last live, after we completely buggered it up against the Swans at the MCG. Long odds that the next week we'd win in Perth and make it all irrelevant, much less win two finals in front of a combined 185,000 people soon after. I don't know where it ends this time but we won't see that many fans combined until about Round 3 next year.
So, after it was only spoken about in the broadest terms after we won two in a row to get to 3-5 last year, the world-famous Bradbury Plan is officially back. Remember, it's open source so I'm only dreaming big enough for us to finish seventh or eighth, but you can adjust your predictions if you think we'll finish higher. It's not an exact science, I once had Port Adelaide in the rock solid out-of-sight, win everything column and they proceeded to miss the eight.
So, initial team rankings:
No threat to us, win everything - Brisbane, Port, Geelong, North, Adelaide
Likely no threat, can do us favours by beating other mid-table teams - West Coast, St. Kilda, Richmond, Sydney, Hawthorn
Outside threat. Beat some mid-table teams, lose to everyone else - Carlton, Fremantle
Big threats, lose everything until further notice (matches between them to be decided on a case-by-case basis) - Collingwood, GWS, Essendon, Footscray, Gold Coast
If you consider Collingwood, GWS, Essendon, Footscray and Gold Coast the likely contenders, the good news is that none of them play each other until Collingwood/Gold Coast in Round 17 - by which point one of them is hopefully dead and buried to the point where we can openly go for the other. St. Kilda/GWS in the last round is also a concern, but there's generally a clear run from here where you should be able to clearly identify your preferred winner. We can also do ourselves favours by beating the Saints, Giants and Bombers. Difficult to comprehend that this would even be a topic for discussion after the Port debacle but there you go.
Here's your cut out and keep guide to where I think games should go between now and the time I'm likely to finish next week's post.
Adelaide d. Bulldogs (fail)
St. Kilda d. Essendon (pass - though there is a St Kilda plummet theory that meant I could have got something out of it with an Essendon win)
Hawthorn d. WCE
Richmond d. Suns
Carlton d. Suns
Hawthorn vs Port - no interest
Richmond d. Essendon
Sydney d. Freo (with scant interest)
Adelaide d. Geelong
Brisbane d. St Kilda
WCE d. GWS
Final Thoughts
By Monday morning, Eddie will be scrambling to find anything to distract from his side turning in a stinker. While you wait for him to deliver an ill-considered opinion on a ninth placed breakfast show I advise you think about nothing but this game. If you haven't got four quarters to spare just remember the Melksham 50 and laugh heartily at the rage and frustration it must have caused their supporters. If it happened to us I'd have vandalised AFL House.
