Hello, it's your usual correspondent, back from my nervous breakdown just in time for finals. And what says 'uplifting comeback story' better than Melbourne blowing the first part of a double chance? If you consider the entire scope of human existence, it's not that long since we last won a flag under those circumstances... in 1957.
Thanks again to the guest reporters for keeping the red and blue end up over the last fortnight, but I'm here for as long as we keep our finals adventures alive. They're morally obligated to give us another go next week, and having come this far in 2025 I'm prepared to go for another three weeks if it means rising from the dead to make a Grand Final via beating the most unstoppable force in the competition's history.
By now, I'm pretty sure the only people reading this are fellow nutters who also spent the whole week thinking how SHIT it would be to lose eight consecutive finals across the genders. But you can't lose eight until you've lost seven, which is where our old chums Brisbane come in. If somebody can prove there's been a mystical 'flags for finals losses' trade-off it would all be worth it, but as no such thing exists I reserve the right to be morbid and miserable.
As somebody who always expects the worst but hopes to be pleasantly surprised, I went into this game thinking about pre-ordering commemorative 0-8 merchandise from a foreign sweatshop (not sure who'd buy it, but go with me), and obviously thought "here we go" in record time when the Lions got a free at the opening bounce.
The return of the mystery midweek injury - previously seen destroying our 2024 season - claimed Maeve Chaplin, and I was not keen on the ball spending any more time than necessary in a Chapless backline, so it wasn't ideal handing the ball over to them with an invitation to wallop it inside 50. Speaking of absent defenders, it's not my place to tell them who to pick (well, not in the women's game anyway, I'll go to the electric chair for selection whinges March - September August) but I felt bad for Laela Ebert that she'd been roped in as an injury replacement, played every game of the season, then got the Tijuana when finals turned up.
The free kick was confirmation bias gold, but inadvertently led to our first goal. They tried to get it inside 50 and test our Gillard and *makes ehhhhh side-to-side hand wobbling gesture* backline, but a pox kick went straight to O'Hehir [insert sound of deviant British laughter], and by not paying a 50 when the ball was slapped from her hands, the umpire helped get the ball to Heath, who got a free for a high tackle. She was well beyond her range, but Brisbane obviously thought she'd have a red hot go anyway because they ignored Harris strolling past for a handoff/goal on the run combo. Not, as it turns out, the start of a huge day out for Tayla against her old side.
We were suspiciously (and misleadingly) dominant early, and another chance soon came via the high tackle/offload method. In this case, Hore graciously declined a long-distance opportunity for her 100th career goal and passed to Fitzsimon. She missed, but at the second opportunity Hore did register the career ton. Which is a great achievement by our reigning greatest player ever, but more importantly at this time put us 13 points up in a final.
The excitement was diminished a bit by Zanker departing the ground with what looked to me at first like the old "I can still walk but my ACL is mincemeat" scenario, until it turned out she was hobbling while trying to regain composure after a head knock. She passed the concussion test, but was ruled out of the game anyway, which was the safest option after we got away with sending Goldrick back on with a fractured eye socket.
We remained on top until quarter time, and held them to a single point. Maybe it was just the home ground advantage that caused us to lose to Brisbane a few weeks ago? Nothing to do with a forward line subject to more downhill skiing references than Sonny Bono, and finishing games like a car running out of petrol I'm sure.
Given our very average last quarters this year, I was keen to have some sort of buffer to work with at the end here, and we'd have got a third if Wotherspoon had passed to Bannan or walked a bit further into an open goal instead of trying to roll it through from 30 metres like Ryleigh Pickett. If it went through via any means we'd have been in "hello, what's going on here?" territory, but that miss was the beginning of the end. Next thing you knew the ball was at the other end, where Taylor failed the Acting Football League test of pretending you REALLY wanted to keep the ball in play and instead gently rolled it over like a lawn bowler. Sure, a Lions player had just hoiked the ball in the air seconds earlier, but AFLW umpires have all but decriminalised incorrect disposal so it's not surprising they missed it.
Unfortunately for Taylor, who has been very good this season, and did well in other parts of this game, her over-lingering tackle immediately after helped Brisbane to their second and our first quarter successes had been wiped out. It was back to three points, and remained that when Brisbane converted another free/goal. As she was closest to the ball when it was paid I was worried for a second that Taylor had done a one-person reverse Mad Minute and given away three goals in a row, but thankfully for her the alleged offence had already occurred. Didn't make any difference overall, by now our Zankless forward line had practically ceased trading, and Brisbane were doing all the attacking.
That's more like how I expected things to go, and a reminder not to do stupid things like feel positive about winning off the back of a couple of early goals. The good news is that the Lions got it out of their system and didn't get another before half time, but neither did we, and watching our attacks die horrible deaths probably brought joy to all those lowly teams we'd beaten the tar out of earlier in the season. Maybe I don't want a two division system as much as I thought?
Despite Herculean, Gawnesque efforts by Hore to lift her side, we came back from halftime flatter than the proverbial plateful of piss and conceded first. It was just the sort of goal from thin air that we don't do enough, and instead of the finals slogan 'Bring the Heat', I'd suggest they try to 'Bring the Crumb'. I've wrestled all year with which one of the forwards has to make way, and unless the decision is made for us by Zanker going west, I've regrettably landed on Bannan. I will always cherish only knowing we'd won the Grand Final by seeing her celebrate in our general direction, but we've got to get some ground level players down there, and she lacks the versatility of Harris.
Send letterbombs c/o Demonblog Towers, but please attach your case for using all of Zanker, Bannan, Gall and Harris (+ Campbell/Pearce at times) inside 50. And any danger of playing Pisano again? She hasn't set the world on fire, but if you draft somebody at #5 and have them under contract for two more years there must be a better end to their season than playing in half-baked scratch matches. NFI if she'd have made a difference against Brisbane, but if she plays next week I'll be heavily invested in her doing something useful so this paragraph doesn't make me look like a cock.
Just as we seemed to be swirling around the u-bend, enter Supreme Leader to stick a kick down Mahony's throat and get things going again. I doubt many established teams have three games in a row where somebody kicks their first career goal, but I'd have preferred that as a fun fact to Channel 7's helpful graphic about how Brisbane had never beaten us in a final. Which is not that big an achievement considering there had only previously been two. And when we gave back the Mahony goal soon after, it was time to erase the stat from Talkingpointpedia entirely.
Stranger things have happened than us kicking a run of goals, but I'd all but put up the white flag and wondered if we could change the course of the game by somebody heroically sacrificing their season by going the biff. The Lions look like a team that would enthusiastically throw themselves into stoush and forget about footy, but sadly the theory was never tested.
Other than Hore being dudded out of an open goal by a bounce/close checking opponent, our forward line remained unseen - and the captain was so good everywhere else on the ground she gets a full pardon from being implicated. I'm sure things would've looked a lot better if Zanker was down there, but it doesn't mean the moment she departs (and if she doesn't play this week the departure may already have happened) everyone else goes out in sympathy.
McNamara was well down the list of people I'd expect to be marking inside 50, and as it's not her job to kick set shots I won't hold a miss against her. Still, as long as we kept the margin under 10 at three quarter time you never know right? And then we let Brisbane go end-to-end in the dying secondsfor a goal where ball hit boot between the on-screen clock expiring and the siren going off. There was a fair push in the back in the lead-up, but that's no excuse for being in that situation to begin with.
There's always a chance of weird shit happening, but fat chance. It will be retrospectively funny if we win next week and somehow beat RoboNorth in the Prelim but at this stage I'd be willing to bet a kidney against that happening. With nothing else happening in attack Campbell went forward, but her attempting to recapture the Zank magic was like trying to fill the Grand Canyon by chucking in some loose rocks.
After partially starting the rot in the first quarter, Wotherspoon had the chance to inject some life into things but missed, and I reckon it's risky relying on set shot goals so much in a competition where only about 10 players can comfortably kick over 40 metres. The 'spoon agreed with my idea and crumbed one straight through the middle. Of course, this was all for nothing when a minute later four (4) Brisbane players were left running onto a loose ball in the square that may have bounced through on its own anyway. Some teams would've blown it by crashing into each other, or trying to share the ball unnecessarily two metres out from goal but none who were playing in Qualifying Finals.
It all started with a player wading through a tackle in the middle of the ground, and with 10 minutes go, this was fatal. But not as fatal as conceding another one straight after. I'd like to see the ball tracker evidence that the ball went far enough to be paid a mark, but it was morally no less than we deserved. It said everything about our day when Gillard threw a boot at a loose ball on the half back flank, only for it to shoot off at right angles and out of bounds. If I wasn't obliged to keep watching, I'd have walked out of my TV at that point.
Gall got one to cut the margin to 13 again, but instead of piling on the pressure just in case, we let them get the ball straight back down their end and nearly kick a goal. It didn't happen then, but the death blow didn't follow far behind. Bannan got one at the end, which was nice for her but too bloody late to be any help for our chances of winning. Which we didn't do, landing us on the edge of another double finals disaster, and on the same side of the draw as a team we probably won't kick a goal against. Just think, if this comp was still played over summer we'd be a few weeks away from Round 1, refreshed and ready for a big season. Now I feel like I want us to win the flag but would be guiltily satisfied to get a start on ignoring footy for the next few months.
2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Kate Hore
--- Incredible distance ---
4 - Tahlia Gillard
3 - Eliza McNamara
2 - Tyla Hanks
1 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon
Apologies to Fitzsimon, Mackin and Taylor.
Leaderboard
It's a completely natural grandstand finish that I'm prepared to take a lie detector test to prove was not rigged to create drama. It would be fitting if they shared the award, but as that would likely involve us losing next week and neither being in the top five players (explaining the loss) then let's hope for alternatives. They are officially now the only potential winners.
39 - Tyla Hanks, Kate Hore
--- Cannot win ---
22 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
17 - Eden Zanker
16 - Tayla Harris
15 - Eliza McNamara
11 - Megan Fitzsimon
8 - Tahlia Gillard, Shelley Heath
6 - Olivia Purcell
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick
2 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award)
Goal of the Week
It's the Wotherspoon crumb just for being a rare goal to come unexpectedly instead of first relying on a mark or free inside 50. Zanker vs Sydney remains the leader.
Next Week
The world tour of all the teams we've lost finals to before continues with a return to playing Adelaide. Here's to Bannan bringing back her move from last time of running around the mark for a goal on a run, then sticking two fingers up towards me for trying to trade her. It's just a team balance thing, I promise. The Crows are obviously not what they used to be, but are a cut above the mid-table strugglers we usually dispatch with moderate ease (in Victoria) so this could go anywhere. NFI if Chaplin is coming back, and I seriously doubt Zanker will play, but Goldrick would be a welcome addition in defence and maybe the loss of our best tall forward will accidentally encourage us to do something else in attack. I'll foolishly predict a win but without any confidence.
Final thoughts
It's better to make finals and lose them than not making them at all, because it means you had 12-24 good weeks and only a couple of shit ones at the end, but I'm fanging for a hit of glory so if I promise not to get upset when we die without a trace against North can we just win one more game this year please?
