Bleak November

Even if it's the equivalent of a participation award, and no bloody help to us now, it's nice to know we were actually quite good and didn't just finish second thanks to a piss easy draw. That obviously helped, but giving The Invincibles their biggest scare in two years is (extremely) minor consolation for losing a Prelim. At the same time, having the greatest 2nd d. 1st upset in history dangled in front of us for three quarters has left me with "it's the hope that kills you" misery that wouldn't have existed if North did as expected and poleaxed us from the first bounce. It's better to have had a chance and lost than never been in the game at all, but this could haunt me more than any AFLW result since the Miss Shop debacle against GWS.

Speaking of trauma, I know he's got bigger issues to worry about at the moment but keep descriptions of this game away from Steven May, who will plunge into PTSDee when he finds out that there's been another final where a Melbourne backline put in a heroic, Siege of Stalingrad-level effort under constant bombardment and it came to nowt because the forward line disappeared into thin air. At least this time we weren't favourites, and I've got nothing but appreciation for the enormous crack our side had at slaying the mythical beast, but as they always say in those website videos, "why not [volume cuts out to cover somebody swearing] us?"

Due to a longer history of pain, suffering, and brief moments of triumph, the swings and roundabouts of Melbourne (M) will always affect me more, I feel an investment in the women's team doing well because it still seems like they're doing it more for the love of the game than as a job. Maybe that's just  me being incredibly patronising towards women in the traditional style of middle aged men everywhere, but the family atmosphere in their videos seems more realistic than the men. Basically, I want them both to win, but feel worse for the W players individually when they don't.

There was extra feeling in this game due to the deep "end of an era" vibes around the club in the last few weeks. Even the coaching conspiracy theory came off, and it looks like he's about to pull the pin. And I can't say I blame Stinear after finding out he's been travelling to Casey from the Surf Coast, presumably not via helicopter or cross-bay hydrofoil, for nine years. If he ends up in charge of Geelong, who have conveniently just lobbed their coach from an upstairs window, the reduced travel time will be well-deserved.

On-field, it's almost certain that Zanker will go, and I won't be surprised if some/all of remaining originals Lampard, Paxman, and Pearce retire. On paper, there's still plenty for a new coach to work with, and after a couple of years at the draft here's to a return to rebuilding on the run by snatching players from less fortunate teams at a discount price.

There were a few minutes in the first quarter when it looked like this post might be less 'end of season retrospective' and more 'fuck yo winning streak', and even though we stopped kicking goals after the first quarter (entirely after half time as it turns out), there was a bit at the start of the last term when one conjured out of nowhere may have been enough to hold on. Even with a minute left we had an 0.001% chance of making a last centre bounce interesting, and within the space of a few paragraphs I've talked myself out of believing that getting close was a consolation prize.

Unlike many others, I hope North wins the Grand Final and stays undefeated until we get another crack at them because I want the chance to get some futile revenge and be the ones who end the streak. And as the AFLW may be the worst scheduled professional league on the planet there's every chance they'll miss an opportunity to set up the obvious game next season and we'll have to play them in a final again. As an example of what a farce/shambles this operation is, the lack of a World Cup-style third/fourth place playoff means we haven't played Carlton since 2022. This must be the longest period any team has gone without facing a particular team after winning a competition (NBL: no, it doesn't count if the team carks it immediately after a'la South Dragons, whose demise is mysteriously not mentioned on the page).

As I've barely had time to watch our games this season, you won't be surprised to know that I've been derelict in keeping up with other teams. The only time I've seen North all year is the last few minutes against Freo when they were going for the record margin. My most recent MFC inclusive memories are that final when they got the party started by pummelling us, and a first-gear win in early 2024 just as the Rent-A-Player crisis was about to peak. I knew we were in trouble though, by reputation, winning streak, and them being $1.05 favourites.

I'm confident in saying that we weren't going to launch a miracle come from behind victory, so a good start was important. My idea of starting a massive brawl was probably not good for football, but if we weren't going to literally punch them in the face I was prepared to accept the metaphorical version instead. Enter Eliza/Elizabeth (delete as applicable) McNamara to win a holding the ball free and put on a short pass to Paxman for the opener. It may have been the last target McNamara hit by foot, but it was a good one.

As North players sooked up over free kicks in the same fashion as a billionaire who's just dropped a $20 note, Wotherspoon continued last week's solid form by pulling down a contested mark and we already had two more goals than Hawthorn got against them in the first final. This was the third final in a row at Princes Park where we kicked the opener x2, but it didn't prove a springboard to bigger and better things either of those times so official advice was to shelter in place and wait to see what happened next.

The secret of our success was that North had barely touched the ball so far, and that wasn't going to last forever but at least we'd turned our good start into goals. The second one almost went straight back when a Gillard pass nearly set Paxman up for a clobbering at the top of the 50. It was one of her few mistakes, as she, Chaplin, and Taylor led one of the great holding back the tide performances. 

The irresistible force eventually shifted the immovable objects, but without them we wouldn't have gotten anywhere near as close. I'll also give credit to Bannan, who I've gone off this season but was important in linking play around the ground in the first quarter. I know they weren't going to drop a heart and soul player before the Prelim, but there was an argument for keeping Gall in the side instead, and while it wasn't valid in the first quarter I wonder if we'd have gone better in the rest of the game with somebody who had better influence on contests inside 50.

Sadly, the joy would not last, and when North finally started getting kicks they turned three into goals in quick succession. We got a leg up from a 50 metre penalty, complete with more Mario Ballotelli style "why always me?" histrionics by the North player, but failed to take advantage of them dropping two marks inside 50, and got nothing from Harris being shifted out of the way right in front of goal via a vigorous shove in the back. 

We helped release the pressure when Zanker gave away a 50 by decking our old friend Libby Birch after a mark, then gave her the mocking crying gesture which doesn't look so good now that their schedules next week will be Birch - playing for fourth flag, Zanker - scouring Perth real estate listings. It didn't stand the test of time, but a few seconds later Eden looked like the genius in this situation after the ball returned straight to Harris, who kicked the piss out of a set shot that restored a seven point lead. Not long after, the big game player appeared to have found a big game to play in when she pulled down a knee-in-the-back screamer. And then didn't have much of an impact for the rest of the game.

The Channel 7 commentator had a point in going on repeatedly about what a good game this was, even if that's a bit of a giveaway that they know how many dud matches have happened this season. Shame that after 14 weeks of matches they managed to land the Preliminary Final in direct competition with the second day of an Ashes test where the majority of sports-curious neutrals were busy watching both sides bat like they'd learnt to play in the Grand Duchy of Luxembourg. 

And if you were roped in to watching based on the quarter time scores there was bad news because after quarter time it was OUT - Swashbuckle, IN - Grim struggle. It was good for purists and interested parties, but trying to sell the rest of this game to skeptics would be like convincing them to watch an entertaining 0-0 draw in soccer.

Appropriately, considering what we were about to go through, Gillard was the first person to do something exciting in the second quarter, when he put on another goal saving tackle. We're still waiting for the biggest injustice in history to be corrected, and league to announce she's been given a share of the 2022 (Spring) Grand Final BOG medal.

By now we'd lost control of the game, and North started to get on top with brute force attack. It was our turn to get lucky with kooky umpiring when Goldrick walked the ball into a tackle, then chucked it away without penalty. Then Hore put us back in front and I was willing to buy entirely into the fairytale, before Goldrick suffered karma reversal as she was pinched for high contact which only happened because the opponent lowered the head and charged into her. 

We survived to half time with a two point lead, and could've done without conceding a mark inside 50 in the opening seconds of the third quarter, but we got away with that, and the 1999 Preliminary Final style miracle was still alive. North ended up going scoreless for the quarter, but we missed the chance to take advantage by responding with four behinds. One of them involved Bannan being carried over the line by multiple defenders, which you could technically claim was them deliberately rushing a behind by proxy if you wanted to be difficult.

Each team had chances at the start of the quarter, including Bannan being carried over the line by multiple defenders, which you could technically claim was them deliberately rushing a behind if you wanted to be difficult. I'm not sure one more goal would've helped us hold on, but it can't have hurt. Especially if North still got a free 40 metres out after 10 seconds, then moved the ball closer to a player standing on their own. 

Your friend and mine Chaplin came to the rescue with a saving mark, before a completely stupid passage of play when North got a free, were pinched for playing on, we kicked the ball straight back to them and somehow no scores were registered. Then Heath had to put on a goal saving tackle and I was about to have a coronary. 

We weren't going to win this in an orgy of goalkicking brutality, but just one from fluke, luck, or flat-out thievery might have given us the necessary breathing space. The problem was we could barely get the ball across halfway, and when we did it was usually kicked straight to a defender in acres of space. It was down to the defenders to try and save it and Gillard had another great moment, grabbing her opponent by the arm and swinging her around like a wrestler doing the Irish Whip, and if she'd played the start of the season there's every chance some of our opponents would've scored 0.0.

If we had to lose, I'd like to have forced North to win via the modern equivalent of that time their men's team ran down our six point lead by kicking points, but they opted to do it the traditional way and kick goals. It was time for the forwards to fire up after not being seen since the first quarter, but they didn't get a chance because the ball went straight back down North's end from the bounce. 

There, Taylor and Chaplin got in each other's way, and may I suggest we introduce road rule style 'give way to Maeve' laws inside our defensive 50. The subsequent ball-up saw the Roos pluck a goal out of their arse and our chances of winning had gone from 'unlikely' to 'mad finish required'. Soon after, Chaplin's muscles were the ones giving way and she was left huffing pickle juice on the boundary line to stave off cramp. I'd rather her out there than not, but as we were at the point of having to kick goals to win, plenty of others had the chance to temporarily recover from being half dead and do something memorable.

For all the massive efforts being put on try and make the finish interesting, the entire space from the right of centre circle was a giant chasm where our dreams went to die. We were probably already dead when Taylor found herself pelting forward, but never got the chance to find out if we could've Mad Minuted the finish because she was too far out to score, and apparently our forwards had disappeared into the Princes Park department of the Bermuda Triangle. Once she was run down we were officially finished, and whatever happened in the final seconds is a mystery to me because I cracked the shits and stopped watching in a big sulk.

Considering we didn't even make the finals last year, I can't complain with second place, and a battling Prelim loss to the greatest women's team ever convened, but let's see what happens next. We won't get the same walkover draw, and the Round 1 team next year may look a lot different to what we've just seen. I think things will turn out alright, but the paper-thin lists in this league mean you're never far away from having to call up overmatched VFL players to have a crack so who knows what will happen next. Here's to me not being mentally fried to bits by the time the 2026 AFLW season starts so that I might have a proper crack at reporting on it and/or check posts for mad errors before publishing.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Maeve Chaplin
4 - Tahlia Gillard
3 - Kate Hore
2 - Saraid Taylor
1 - Tyla Hanks

Apologies to Harris, Paxman, Pearce and Wotherspoon

Leaderboard    
And there you have it. Congratulations to the captain for a much-deserved victory. She's also gets to double-up by winning via the Finals POTY award which I forgot I existed until now. Hore's second win draws her level with Tyla Hanks on two victories, still a fair way short of Paxy's five in a row between 2018 and 2022 (Summer).

In the other categories, we already knew Chaplin and Pearce were going to win their categories but it's good news for Saraid Taylor, whose contribution to our backs-to-the-wall defensive effort here carried her back to the top of the Rising Star table.

47 - Kate Hore (WINNER: 2025 Daisy Pearce Medal for Player of the Year, WINNER: 2025 Finals Player of the Year)
40 - Tyla Hanks
27 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
17 - Eden Zanker
16 - Tayla Harris
15 - Tahlia Gillard, Eliza McNamara
12 - Shelley Heath
11 - Megan Fitzsimon
5 - Paxy Paxman, Olivia Purcell
4 - Lauren Pearce (WINNER: Ruck of the Year), Ryleigh Wotherspoon
3 - Sinead Goldrick, Saraid Taylor (WINNER: Rising Star Award)
1 - Maggie Mahony

Goal of the Week
The Harris set-shot wins here, but our overall winner is Zanker from the pocket vs Sydney. That didn't even get nominated for the overall Goal of the Week let along Year, which just goes to show you can't trust public voting.

Next Week
I hope everyone has a good time and Zanker finds a nice place to live.

Final thoughts
And that's me done - at last - for 2025. Thanks for your support, and I'll see you when the men play some tepid pre-season slopfest at a local park. Maybe I'll finally do the 1964 Grand Final rewatch at some point during off-season?