Horisker for the experience

Appropriately, our 100th home and away game was celebrated with a semi-accurate historical recreation of the first. It was a different venue, different result, and the lightning only threatened instead of chasing everybody off for 30 minutes, but what it had in common was four quarters of sloggy slog in rain that was variously 'falling', 'bucketing down', and 'stopping for a bit before going off again'.

The Big Whizz contributed enough towards our win that it should nearly be eligible for votes. Who knows how much trouble we'd have got from Footscray, led admirably in the MFC tradition by one of our ex-assistants, in dry weather, but they did almost everything right here except converting chances. These went begging at an industrial rate, as the wet ball skewed hither and yon off boots, fingertips, and chests inside 50 all night. We made scoring look difficult, but with the key difference of forward targets who could successfully catch a damp ball without comically botching it.

Whether it was the wet wot won it, or if we'd have just piled on a few more goals in regular conditions, the path to victory means bugger all compared to the result on finals calculations. This doesn't guarantee a top four finish, but makes it far more likely than had we cocked this one up. The odds are on the big Stinear reunion against Geelong coming in a final. The general public will say "who?" and "what?", but that's marquee stuff for the sort of enthusiasts who'd be reading this.

For sponsorship purposes, the Western Oval is now known as 'Mission Whitten Oval' - abbreviated on screen as MWO, in violation of rules stating that in any three letter acronym, 'WO' must stand for 'World Order'. I reject the new name, but still had a 'MWO is us' headline warmed up in case of tragic defeat. In its glory days, this ground made the violent winds at Casey look like a gentle breeze, but has since been redesigned/mostly knocked down so you don't get games where all 27 goals are kicked to one end of the ground. 

The lack of a grandstand on the side that the cameras point offers a lovely view of the city, and in this case a skyline that suggested the game could be abandoned due to flood emergency at any moment. Best get on with it before the rain comes then. In the early stages, the only electricity on offer was the lightning looming just outside the range that causes players to go off for 30 minutes, leaving boundary riders, fans, and the guy selling kebabs out of a van to fend for themselves if the ground cops a direct hit.

From my safe vantage point indoors, well away from any potential zotting from the sky, the most exciting bit about the early stages was a rampant start by emerging cult figure Aoife Horisk. She was in absolutely everything early, including one dance through traffic that looked like it was done by a native footy player, forward pressure on the last line that scared the bejesus out of a Footscray defender, and a lightning one-two handpass with Hanks to set up the opening goal.  

I have an unprovable theory (the best kind) that Aimee Mackin was going to be a star before injuries did her in, and by halfway through the first quarter, all emotional investment in that defunct project officially transferred to a new player. Have I mentioned how shit it will be when there's no room left to enjoy storylines like this because we're playing curtain-raisers against the Dogs at 10.50am inside an empty Docklands? Now, all this excitement means she'll probably never get a kick again, so sorry in advance, and no pressure to deliver against some very good teams in finals but I'm all in for what we'd call Horisk and Reward if her surname was pronounced as spelt. 

Also - already on the verge of toppling rent-a-player Tex Perkins' record for most goals in #33 if you're into that sort of thing. Speaking of records, the staff at Demonblog would like to congratulate Maggie Mahony for taking advantage of the conditions to set the Melbourne AFLW for the most free kicks given away in a single game. Her six offences (and if you account for the standard of AFLW umpiring, half of them probably weren't there, or she should've given away 12) snaps a five way tie stretching from Elise O'Dea in Round 6, 2019, to Tyla Hanks last year - and taking in Sinead Goldrick x2. And where else are you going to get this kind of obscure statistical news? Given that the league is young enough for records to regularly tumble, Champion Data should hit a big red button and cause a commotion on the telecast whenever something like this happens.

Chances to add a vital second goal before the storms came were spurned, but thanks to our usual stout defensive effort, a cavalcade of Footscray inside 50s came to nothing, before they finally sludged one through from close range. Even that started with them punting it straight at Gillard, who just missed what would've been her god-knows-how-manyth intercept mark of the year. As we got action footage of an AFL official working the phones to work out how likely it was that he'd be amongst the victims of a lightning strike, the locals nearly took the lead. Missing a 30m set shot from directly in front set the tone for their 'kicking as if pissed to the eyeballs' wastefulness in front of goal. And for that, we say thanks.

According to the commentators, lightning had been detected within range to halt the game, so I thought it was a bit convenient that the game got to quarter time without delay. But then everyone just came back after the break and got on with it, with no further mention of potential electrical carnage. This wasn't much help early in the second quarter, as the Dogs had all the play but still none of the finishing, before a counter-attack saw your new favourite Irish player set up Hore at close range (aided, to be fair, by the defender giving away a needless free). 

The former mystery neck injury victim missed, and ended the night with the wonky season record of 6.11, leaving the game on what you'd call - if going for the world cliche record - a knife edge. I didn't fancy losing under any circumstances due to the potential top four implications, but certainly not to a player ripping off Purcell's plastic face gimmick, and another called Gutnecht, who should be considered for a remake of The Man With The Golden Gun.

Unfortunately, the Kayo app won't let me take a screenshot, and I CBF watching the replay to capture it, so you'll just have to take my word for it that at this point it had started raining heavily again and we got a shot of a woman in the crowd forced to hold a jumper over her head because the bloke under the umbrella was stuffing his gob with a hot dog. Which is the sort of scenario we'll miss when games are taken away from glorified local parks.

The conditions ensured this wouldn't be the sort of game you'd put on the highlight reel for new fans, but if teams punting the ball from left to right and back again between the arcs is your thing, this would've been heaven. I'm not against it. The tension of a low scoring game that makes every goal crucial is underrated. But you're not going to remember it even remotely fondly without winning, and in a goalless second quarter we only led at half time courtesy of kicking six behinds to two.

A dud kick in defence nearly brought us undone at the start of the third quarter, but we survived thanks to a dropped mark. Despite the ball clearly coming off hands, the goal umpire definitely considered calling it a goal before sanity prevailed. I'd like to have seen how one of their "did you see anything? No, did you?" reviews would've handled that.

To the audible disgust of some home supporters, we got the second half opener instead after Hore matrixed out of a number of attempted tackles before setting up Bannan. The upset people failed to appreciate that part of the process of winning a holding the ball free is either sticking the tackle, or forcing an incorrect disposal. This was another good performance by Bannan, who did stuff all at the start of the season but is finding form at the right time. Unfortunately, by the time we'd conceded two behinds immediately from the next centre bounce, the value of her goal was reduced to four points. 

It should've turned into -1, because one of the misses saw a Footscray player blundering a kick off the ground through an unguarded square. Then Bannan returned for another courtesy of an opponent hanging off her like somebody ringing ye olde church bells. This was followed by one of her elite celebrations that we've missed so far this year.

So, everything seemed to be going well. Except you're never more than five minutes away from a Dees injury, and in quick succession we lost Goldrick (knee) and Heath-Barker (concussion). This didn't bode well for defending a lead in the last quarter after three quarters of sloshing around in slop. Under the circumstances, Gall's missed set shot would've made me feel a lot better about what was to follow. 

You shouldn't be scared of a team on 1.6 at the final change, but our 13 point lead didn't seem all that secure, considering how many good opportunities they'd blown to that point. There was another one featuring a player dithering for so long over a bouncing ball that Gillard was able to intervene, and what may have ended in the margin being reduced to single digits instead ended with Hore kicking a set shot at the other end. None of this happened without a lovely kick from Allen, who continues to look like one of the great draft thefts.

It was nearly time to relax (as best possible) when the Dogs finally got their second, via instinctive snap that didn't leave enough time to think about it before doing something stupid. The margin was only two goals, we had as many players out injured, and there was plenty of time left. Naturally, my shambles detector went off when the Dogs barged straight out of the centre, before returning to normal background levels when they ran into a Hanks smother. 

This was a good time for the old handy point, but almost ended up conceding the very much not handy goal, stopped only when they kicked the ball up a chimney from close range, allowing it to land safely with Bannan in the square. Still, good of the opposition to finally turn up while we were defending a lead while two players down. They charitably lost one as well, but were suddenly full of the joy of potential comeback.

It was time for the home crowd to blow up again when the umpire pointed the wrong way for a free, though they were noticeably less offended when Harris got away with being tripped straight after. But never fear, because this led straight to Horisk picking up a loose ball 40 metres out, wheeling around, and thumping it through for the moral sealer. It's not particularly helpful to compare players, but her performance in this game probably seals Pisano's fate. Hooray for the Irish takeaway program, where you can import somebody who does more in their third game at any level than a top draft pick has in three seasons. 

Thus followed more Horisk action, as she stormed towards goal, fumbled an attempted handball over the top, then ran right through the defender who was leaning down to gather the loose ball. If Dogs fans wanted to get upset over anything, it should've been not getting a free kick out of that.

And that was it. There was no moist mad minute revenge from the Bulldogs five years on from you-know-what, and for the 7th of 9 times since the league started, the oldest enemy was dismissed. No Hampson-Hardeman Cup for you, at least until a potential rematch in the finals.

2026 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Maeve Chaplin
4 - Olivia Purcell
3 - Jordyn Allen
2 - Alyssa Bannan
1 - Aoife Horisk

Apologies to Fitzsimon, Gillard, Hanks, Hore and Mahony

Leaderboard
It's on at the top, and in the much-sought-after defender award. Purcell draws to within a game of her joint 2022 Spring season Daisy winner in the race for the big one, and the Chaplin three-peat is now also very much on - except the club is calling her a midfielder, and we are expecting the committee to hear an eligibility challenge from the pro-Gillard faction this week. Meanwhile, even though we've now got a second Rising Star on the board, I'd like to see anyone chase down Allen in the remaining games, so we're upgrading her to provisional winner status.

36 - Tyla Hanks
32 - Olivia Purcell
--- Needs three finals ---
18 - Maeve Chaplin (LEADER: Defender of the Year)
16 - Tahlia Gillard
--- Needs four finals ---
12 - Kate Hore
--- Nah ---
9 - Jordyn Allen (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Rising Star Award), Mia Austin
8 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon
7 - Tayla Harris, Eliza McNamara
3 - Alyssa Bannan, Georgia Campbell (LEADER: Ruck of the Year), Megan Fitzsimon
1 - Shelley Heath-Barker, Aoife Horisk

Goal of the Week
Horisk scores nominations with her first two goals, which is the first time this has happened since [surely it has at some point, but I've got no time to look it up. I remember Sam Blease kicking a streak of funky goals early in his career before moving into real estate].

Next week
It's Sunday at Unley Oval, the only ground that sounds like the last sound you make before spewing. Adelaide is no longer a powerhouse, but if Hawthorn lose to the Eagles on Saturday they'll still be playing for a spot in the finals so there could be mass clenching of buttock here - especially if we're any half chance of slipping out of the eight because another game has ended 234-0.

The All-New W. Bradbury Plan
Best to win, because other results don't look likely to go our way. Nevertheless, get into a bit of: 

Footscray d. Geelong to potentially give us whatever benefits you get for finishing second instead of third - as long as the Dogs don't somehow gain 40%
Richmond d. North in a way that unexpectedly slices about 60% off their percentage
Brisbane d. Carlton
GWS d. Gold Coast
Freo d. Sydney - who also need to pick up an unrealistic chunk of percentage to challenge us.
Hawthorn d. West Coast to shut the gate on Adelaide's finals chances

And one large plate of fishheads for the other dead-rubber contests. 

Final thoughts
Yes. Good. Keep going. Even if by the time we win the flag the squad will look like survivors of the Siege of Stalingrad.