Travelling like Burke and Wills

After god knows how many games since the first men's practice match of the year I've finally hit the wall for anything short of finals footy. Thanks then to guest reporter Craig T for returning to cover for me. Short thoughts from me at the end, and in random italics mid-post, but otherwise over to our correspondent...

I’ve always felt Brisbane have been able to get 'up' for big matches better than most AFLW teams. When they won the flag two years ago, they lost three of ten H&A games to teams that didn't get within a bull's roar of the finals, but were unbeaten in five matches against Melbourne, Adelaide and North. And given the comments from their camp this past week it was obvious this was a game they were extra focused on.

Now, we shoudl have been just as focused of course, but I get the impression that Mick Stinear's philosophy is more about consistency. Either way, I expected them to come out breathing fire and we'd need to be ready for it. So it transpired, the pressure around the ground was intense with neither team able to string together any controlled possessions, but Brissie did seem a little more direct which always helps in a hot contest. 

Despite this, the first half of the first quarter was pretty even, but in the second half they did pepper the goals, and had several chances. In fairness there was probably only one miss you'd reguarly expect to kick, the rest were rushed snaps that were always going to be iffy. But four points down at quarter time wasn't too bad a return, and I hoped we’d weathered the storm and could take control as things settled.

(This was the third time Brisbane has held us scoreless in an opening quarter, and we'd won both the other games so even though not one other person on the planet considered this a factor, and even I knew it was bollocks, it made me strangely optimistic about winning. Would also be good for the historical record if they lost by a kick after the siren again - A)

We had the better of it once the second quarter started, and Harris got clear of her defender to mark directly in front and kick the first goal of the match. On the night she hit many marking contests but wasn't clunking them as well as she usually does. She's been a bit off for a couple of weeks. The rib bruising probably hasn't helped, but I suspect she's not too far off and will hopefully hit form in the finals. Tayla at her clunking best would make a massive difference when it matters.

Another player who I feel has been a bit down on her usual high standards the last couple of weeks is Hanks. Both this week and last she's been slow to get into it, and I hope it's not the loss of Purcell having pushed her to try and do more that's starting to take a toll. Fitzsimon has tailed off a little as well, possibly for the same reason. Liv’s absence does leave a big hole.

Neither team made much headway for some time, but Brisbane went close, only stopped when Gillard produced a great effort to stop a certain goal, running down and putting just enough pressure on Eleanor Hartill to make her miss from 15 metres out. At this stage Brissie were 0.6 to our 1.2 and I started to wonder if we might be in for a bit of luck with the opposition just not taking their chances. 

(This is the third time this year a team has got to 0.6 against us, which is weird - A)

Shortly, after when Kate Hore was held at a ball up 20 metres out and slotted our second from the resultant free those thoughts intensified, but Brisbane soon went from inside defensive 50 to the other end for an out the back, off the ground, well out of the air to be honest, goal to Smith. We got a quick reply, winning the centre clearance and courtesy of a snap out of traffic via Zanker. Then, in the last few seconds Eden got another, taking a free kick for a hold in a marking contest and slotting it through after the siren. 

This ball movement up to it was possibly our best all night, going Hore to Pearce to Hore to Heath to Zanker. It meant a 14 point lead at half time which was very useful given the intensity of the game. We were looking much more dangerous up forward with controlled shots to Brisbane’s rushed attempts. Unfortunately, the game did not continue in that vein. Brisbane got the first of the quarter early on when Shelley Heath put down Charlotte Mullins a little late after her shot missed. It was probably there, but no more so than Paxy being bowled over in similar fashion after a shot later in the quarter. 

Mullins' goal cut the margin to eight points. It was then after Paxy’s non-free that Brisbane took the ball down the field to Dooley out the back to cut the margin to three points. Generally I don’t like to bag the umps and place too much significance on their errors, but with six minutes to go in the quarter we could we have seen a critical moment. It was still three points our way when Hore wasn’t paid a mark 20 metres out plumb in front that even the commentators called out, and was then pinged for holding the ball. 

Pushing the lead back out to nine points could have taken the sting out of the slight momentum Brisbane had. But it was not to be. The efficiency rate had switched around, and towards the end of the quarter it was noted that despite both teams having similar a number of 50m entries Brisbane had kicked four goals to our one point.

Their last two both came courtesy of Conway snaps, and she was also having a big impact around the ground. She’s someone who, when in range will always try to get the shot off – don't fall for her dummies that she's looking for a team mate as an option!

Brisbane now had a nine point lead and things were becoming serious, but as in the second quarter we nailed a goal after the siren. Harris marked just inside 50 with less than ten seconds remaining, and left it till three to go before she laid off the pass to Chaplin who had to outmark said Conway 20 metres out on a light angle just before the siren sounded. For a defender who had never kicked a goal she slotted it like a pro and we were back within touching distance.

The last quarter was back to being a high pressure grind with only the one goal scored. Sadly, it was Brisbane’s, via a wild snap from Ruby Svarc with nine minutes to go. We weren’t without our chances. Zanker missed two sets shots that were eminently kickable, and Hore the type of snap she specialises in. Zanker also had a chance with a snap she didn’t quite connect with, and for much of the last few minutes were were doing all the attacking but just couldn’t nail the goal to get within a kick. (The spirit of the 2022/2023 men's team is strong, probably right down to their finals record - A)

Speaking of Zanker, her contract expires at the end of this season and rumour is she's had a new one sitting in front of her for some time but hasn't signed. Word is she is has a connection out west and is being chased hard by and both the Dockers and Eagles. I wonder if Daisy might be the trump card for West Coast. If she goes it will be a huge loss, one of the best key forwards in the comp at 26 years of age. I have no idea what compensation, if any, we would receive, as when it comes to AFLW trades the AFL seems, to quote Monty Python, "make it up as they go along".

So, in the end a nine point loss. While disappointed, I’m not as down on the result as I might usually be. For all of Brisbane’s endeavour, and from what was said this past week they really got up for the match and we weren’t that far from winning it on their turf. If Kate gets paid that mark, if Eden kicks either of her last quarter misses we could easily have still won. I think they gave it their best shot and still only just got past us. If we meet them again in two weeks at Princess Park, hopefully with Goldie and Georgia Gall back, maybe even Grace Beasley if she’s ready, I will give us a real chance of reversing the result.

Hopefully, the next close one will go our way. And as many as you like after that. If they come in the finals, all the better.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 – Kate Hore
4 – Shelley Heath
3 – Tahlia Gillard
2 – Eden Zanker
1 – Maeve Chaplin

Apologies to Hanks, Pearce, Harris, McNamara and Fitzsimon

Leaderboard
Adam here - and bloody Nora it's getting spicy at the top. Also, based on historical voting patterns for defenders Chaplin's not going to lose the defender award from here so she can put that next to going from fill-in player to flag winner in her most treasured footy memories.

32 - Tyla Hanks, Kate Hore
22 - Maeve Chaplin (WINNER: Defender of the Year)
--- Can still win with three finals ---
16 - Tayla Harris
13 - Eden Zanker
--- Can still win with four finals ---
12 - Eliza McNamara
8 - Megan Fitzsimon
7 - Shelley Heath
--- Can't win ---
6 - Olivia Purcell 
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Tahlia Gillard, Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award), Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Goal of the Week
No real outstanding ones this week. Give it to Chaplin for a nerveless first ever goal after the siren. But I doubt it will remotely challenge the clubhouse leader. (Correct, it did not - Editor)

Next week
Down the highway. We should win, and if we do it probably means a rematch with Brisbane, but this time at Princes Park (Fine time to start playing games at decent - weather permitting - neutral venues - A) not up there. As I said, I'd be reasonably confident we can turn the tables. First things first, we need to beat Geelong. I may head down for my first Kardinia Park match, that I can definitely recall, since Kelvin Templeton kicked eight for us on Easter Monday 1983 and we won from from six goals down at quarter time. And while I am not superstitious, I've been to eight of our women’s matches this year and haven't seen us lose. The three I've watched on the idiot box have been defeats, so just in case I'm the good luck charm I'd better go. 

It's me again (incorporating Final Thoughts)
Thanks again to Craig, and stay tuned for another surprise guest reporter next week. My thoughts on this game are that we got the close, competitive loss against a good team that proves we can beat anyone (well, maybe not those on a record winning streak) on our day. It's just a matter of lining up the right day and a game. Wasn't this one, even with the Lions doing their best to miss everything in the first quarter.

I was watching, but was so distracted that I missed the Chaplin goal while dealing with some generic family crisis. Didn't even find out she'd opened the account until after the game, so it's probably best that I didn't try to pretend to have been fully into it. BUT - have you noticed our last quarters against competent, league-standard opposition have been putrid? Whether we beat Geelong or not, if the fourth quarter is a slog again then I'm going to start printing commemorative MFC Straight Sets Fourpeat merchandise.

That will do nicely

By mid-October, I should be separating the M and F elements of MFC (the meaning of 'C' can be altered to suit your feeling about the organisation at the time), but I assume it's always a bit of a flat week when a couple of premiership winning club legends find/are shown the door. It's sad, but you can't have lost flag heroes without the flag so I'll be happy to go through this again in the future. There's an emergency trade wrap-up post sitting in my drafts, but the energy didn't stretch far beyond using the long-awaited 'Trac runs out' line, and suggesting 'Jiath's Crackers' as a replacement for Howie's Hangers/Hogan's Heroes so I think we'll just park that division of the club until 2026 and come back with fingers crossed so tight we'll all be on the emotional green whistle by June.

After all that I could've done with a week away from all footy topics to be honest, but as Guest Reporter O'Clock hasn't struck yet, I thought this might be a nice palate cleanser. In the end it was, but when two goals down in the first quarter it was looking less like drinking away your man troubles and more like garging Drano.

Before the unexpected deficit, there was a reminder that things can always get worse than having a sook in the comfort on your own home. Sinead Goldrick already had a bandage over one eye, and about 25 seconds after the first bounce she was clobbered in a tackle and left the ground clutching her nose as if it was going to disintegrate Michael Jackson style. I disputed the claim of the boundary rider that she'd "gone down to the rooms" as if there's some secret underground lair at Casey (though, to be honest I haven't been there for about 10 years so will stand corrected in the unlikely event etc...), but considering the obvious schnoz discomfort and previous damage in the same area it was lucky her head didn't split open like a ripe tomato. 

I thought that was the last we'd see of Goldrick for the rest of the game, but contrary to the trained medical analysis of Dr. Demonblog, she soon returned without having to resort to the old 'face held together with sticky tape' method like that bloke from GWS. Not even a Mr. Poon-style bandaid under the nose, which was a testament to her resilience, our medical staff, and/or me drastically overreacting [UPDATE - Turns out she had a fractured eye socket, so all of the above?]. The clobbering seemed to save us from a blatant holding the ball, but considering the crimes against correct disposal that went unpunished for the rest of the game there's no guarantee it would've been paid anyway.

We got away with that, but Sydney still got the first goal not long after. Obviously they'd missed the memo about opposition sides at Casey Fields reaching 3/4 time on 0.something. I rationalised that it was ok to concede first because they were kicking with the wind, but it turns out this was just an invention of my demented mind. I don't trust the commentators going on about how still it was when their studio was only 20km closer to the ground than Demonblog Towers, but I'll accept that they had better information from colleagues at the ground. That, and the wind never once being a factor for the rest of the game. In my defence, there was a kick just before this which looked to hold up on the breeze. Additionally in my defence, there's 20+ years of evidence on this site that I've got NFI.

Then, like a repeat of the Freo debacle, we turned a couple of shizen forward entries into conceding again, and seeing the Swans run ointo a loose ball inside 50 was a bit *nervous adjustment of collar*. The collar was gradually loosened over the next two quarters, but while karma, jinxes and all footy mysticism is bullshit, I was cursing the pre-match commentator chat about Hore kicking the four goals needed to become the first AFLW player to the career ton. Let's just get four in total first, and if we didn't it would only be marginally less embarassing than Fox Footy suggesting the men were about to launch a blockbuster Brisbane '24 style comeback and win the flag shortly before losing to St Kilda after kicking about 32 consecutive points.

I was already in 'excuses and complaints' mode, so after our earlier attacking disappointments I thought "surely they could have picked a smaller player" when Georgia Campbell had the ball 50 metres out, before she dropped an absolute ripper of a kick on Zanker at the top of the square. With Zippy Fish on the other side, this may have been footy's biggest day for the letter 'Z' since our first year under Paul Roos.

Goldrick's return from the dead came in time for an audition to join the British and Irish Lions, heaving out the biggest throw of all time to set up Hore to kick an absolute ripper in the forward pocket. As she bounced it through from an obscure angle I thought we'd signed off the Goal of the Year award, only for the title to be snatched from her grasp less than two quarters later. I know what he meant, but Daniel Harford's post-goal declaration that "She's a little bit special" was somewhat politically incorrect. 

Related - I quite enjoyed Harford's off the chain commentary, regularly hanging shit on umpiring and taking a relaxed attitude to calling players the right name. You wouldn't accept it over the Grand Final, but if there's ever a time for pissfarting around on the call it's when the viewing audience would be lucky to reach five figures. It was also good that they kept having to mention the Sydney player called 'Sargeant-Wilson' because it made it seem like you were watching an episode of Blue Heelers.

If I knew Sydney was going to stop dead after their third goal I'd have taken it a lot better. In the week of Taj Woewodin's delisting there was nearly something for Daniher-era parents when Rigoni had a shot that was touched through in the last minute. This left us trailing at quarter time, which was good for football I suppose, and now you know the result it was a better pre-finals rev up than spending four quarters punching down on slop.

I thought Rigoni had just wandered forward to get a kick, but it turns out she was actually following Sydney's improbably named Z. Fish around, and this led to her to be in the right place to mark Hore's kick 20 metres out directly in front. I'm not entirely anti-joy, but find iot unnecessary for players to charge from the other end of the ground to celebrate a first career goal. Conserve your energy and offer congratulations with a hearty handshake at the next break of play thanks. She didn't do much else, but it's interesting that they're trying non-Pisano options in the forward line when she's a #5 pick contracted until the end of 2027. Not like Melbourne to neck ourselves with a long term contract is it?

The goal by a famous relative opened the relative floodgates, and Zanker got another straight after despite the Sydney fan yelling "AWW COME AWN!" straight into the effects mic after a free kick in the build-up. I wonder if they identify people who can be clearly heard and send somebody over to say "for god's sake, don't drop the C bomb or do any sort of 'ism", because one day extra spicy talk will go to air, and given that commentators always react when loudmouth yelling is heard they can't feign surprise that such a thing could ever be heard on their broadcast. I'm offering direct entry into our folklore for anyone who shouts 'Demonblog', 'Demonwiki', or 'I saw Mark Jamar kick five goals' loud enough for it to be heard on national television.

Theoretically Sydney were still in range, but now we'd tightened up at the back and there was no more casual wandering into an open goal. On the other hand we'd clearly fired up, and got the next one when Rigoni and Bannan kept the ball alive in front of goal long enough for celebrity finger victim Heath to sneak in and crumb one through traffic. Even more people got involved with the next goal, as it went through Fitzsimon, McNamara, and Hore, before Johnson fumbled fortuitously to Wotherspoon's advantage, before Harris got it from the square.

This was more like it, and we spent the last few minutes of the half smashing the door down for what may have been the sealer. It never came, but we did survive their player running an ultra-marathon through the middle of the ground for what would've been the moral counterweight to us getting our first goal from a gigantic throw. But it missed, Sydney never got another goal, and the second half was a gentle version of procession mode. Apparently their plane was hit by lightning twice, which still isn't as good an excuse as us having four players stuck in a lift last week. The commentary box treated this news like they were all lucky to be alive, as if half the 20,000 planes in the air as you're reading this aren't being randomly pelted with lightning without plummeting to earth.

We needed the death blow, and it was provided by Zanker from close range. I still think it's sensible to cash in one of our tall forwards for shit hot picks or players, but under no circumstances should it be Zanker. But I'm not going to tell you who I think it should be, because refer previous comments about having NFI. About the only controversial opinion I've got self-confidence about is that this league would get a much better airing if it didn't interact at all with the men's season, and I choose to claim a crowd of a few hundred better than usual as justification.

Once we had the first goal post-break it was obvious where this game was going. Sydney had enough about them to avoid being steamrolled, but there was a clear difference between our kicking to spare players, and their "oh shit" panic booting of the ball as far forward as possible. They'd stopped scoring, but had some claims to being unlucky about the next goal. After already conceding the Hore goal from a ridiculous angle, somehow there was an even more ridiculous one to follow. 

With all respect to the captain, if they could only pick one of ours for a Goal of the Week nomination (and as Tayla Harris 2/3 in a recent MOTY, this is unlikely) not choosing Zanker should be subject to a Royal Commission. She had to pick a crap handball up off the ground, had a first shot from the boundary line smothered, then regathered and instantly chipped it through from a ridiculous angle. Hore's was good, this was great and whoever choses the weekly options should be keelhauled for not selecting it.

The tall forward goal collection was completed by Bannan, and after those ropey few minutes in the opening quarter we were pissing this in, going back into second on the ladder courtesy of a 109% gap over Hawthorn that acts less as a tiebreaker and more of a tiedestroyer. And, err, then not much happened for the next quarter and a half. It was the middle point between Gold Coast, when your grandmother could get a shot at goal in the final term, and Richmond/West Coast when the job was done and feet went up. 

We had six scoring shots for six points, while Sydney had nil for nil. We keep waiting for the day when Zanker really goes on with a game and kicks nine, but you won't find me complaining about four from anyone in any Melbourne side. After the dicey start we were pretty good, and as much as I find the idea of playing finals at Casey offensive it may be our best chance of going through. For now we know top eight is sealed, and unless something really wacky happens in the next fortnight the next question is finishing 2nd, 3rd, or 4th and the accompanying finals implications. I'd be happy to play next week and just skip straight to working out who gets the flag if that's ok with everyone else.

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Eden Zanker
4 - Kate Hore
3 - Megan Fitzsimon
2 - Tyla Hanks
1 - Tahlia Gillard

Apologies to Chaplin, Heath, McNamara, Paxman, and Pearce.

Leaderboard
It's semi-back on at the top, as Hore closes the gap to one straight BOG. Alas it looks like curtains for the surprise Chaplin challenge, but she's all but unbeatable from here in the defender award. At a conservative estimation of 20 votes left, it means the line of elimination has taken out another group of contenders further four contenders.

32 - Tyla Hanks
27 - Kate Hore
21 - Maeve Chaplin (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Defender of the Year)
16 - Tayla Harris
12 - Eliza McNamara
--- Abandon all hope below here ---
11 - Eden Zanker
8 - Megan Fitzsimon
6 - Olivia Purcell 
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick, Shelley Heath
1 - Tahlia Gillard, Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award), Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Goal of the Week
Hore from the pocket was beaten by Hore from the pocket, before being swept out of the top two entirely by a goal that deserves direct entry to the Hall of Grouse.

Edo's on fire at Casey! 🔥#AFLWDeesSwans pic.twitter.com/230VeGLcoD

— Melbourne AFLW (@MelbourneAFLW) October 18, 2025

Next Week
Not often you get a season defining game when second on the ladder with two games to play, but an away game against Brisbane is it. Our only top four opposition of the season, having beaten up on the downtrodden, but lost in almost exactly the same way to a couple of fringe finals contenders. If we win decently I'll get excited about finals glory, if we lose in drab fashion I'll paint a yellow stripe down my back and mentally concede another straight sets finals exit, and if it's close either way then for god's sake skip the last round and get on with the important stuff ASAP.  

Final thoughts
Still not sure this transfers to beating top sides, but happy to be proven wrong. I think some variation fo this has been the final thought about four times already this year, hopefully next week gives some answers. 

Fried Round

Contrary to popular belief, you can win every week. But only under the name North Melbourne. In the week of an absurdly premature story about looking ahead to playing them in finals, it turns out we're still vulnerable to middle of the table opposition in alternative timezones. Doesn't help when four top players get stuck in some bullshit faulty lift, but we've had games this year where they could've walked across hot coals and still romped to victory  

Like the Port game, it involved failing to chase down a bad start, but in this case against opposition who suffered a 186-style blowout on the same ground earlier in the year. Unlike certain other teams that were slaughtered after running into a juggernaut at the wrong time, they didn't respond by blowing the club up for years to come. Which is nice for them, not much help to us now.

Before commencing usual programming (now with much less mockery of underwhelming opposition), can I risk straightsplaining Pride Round and ask why we didn't wear the special jumper here? I guess the idea is to debut it at home, but isn't a bit weird to have a jumper for a cause, then deliberately not wear it in the round dedicated to that cause? Why not just have it in both games, it's not like they're going to debut it at Casey Fields for the benefit of thousands of people ready to trample each other for the chance to buy one. (Update - ok, it's a two round thing. So wear it in both? Update update - possible jumper clash issue. Needs to go full rainbow next year for the benefit of people who'd unnecessarily blow their stack).

Lucky it wasn't 'Survivors Of An Air Raid' Round, because we were back at the place where the siren makes a noise like the warning of imminent nuclear attack. And it may as well be for Mick Stinear, who has a 70-something percent winning record, a flag, and a life membership waiting for him, but hasn't coached a win at Fremantle Oval since 2018. We've won once there since, but he missed the game because his wife was giving birth (and fair enough too), and I'm sure the nearly seven year old kid is gutted that dad has never coached another win since - including two consecutive losses by under a goal.

Last year's loss in this fixture could be blamed on injuries before the game, this time you could argue we were hurt by injuries during, but both times we could've and probably should've won regardless. The key difference is this time we've already done the work to get established in the top eight (let's dial it back a bit on the top four hopes), while last year there was a lot more injury crisis to get through before we ran out of time to rescue the season. It was a cock-up, but as long as do the right thing for the rest of the year the only serious implications on our finals chances are an enhanced chance of having to play North first up.

The ground didn't just have a novelty siren, in the first quarter we kicked towards a sign suggesting 'The best things in life are Freo'. This was appropriate, because our performance was heavily influenced by the latter part of the surname Vandross. It was, as they say in the classics, flatter than a plateful of piss. Looked good in the opening minutes mind you, where we went forward and did everything but score. In warm and windy conditions (only one of which we'd be familiar with), I'd prefer to put the fear of god into the underdogs ASAP than leave the door open for an upset. That's how you end up relying on Collingwood to miss multiple set shots in the last minute to hang on and win.

Instead, this was less thrashing through bulk goals against hapless opposition and more the 2nd-4th quarters of last week. For all my propaganda about having two divisions, maybe it's good that we get to enjoy clobbering some strugglers instead of risking having to prove ourselves every week. Sorry for not getting more excited by humiliating Gold Coast at the time, but I'm happy to settle for something in the middle. It wasn't happening here, because the Dockers came up with the most effective way of beating us - taking your chances. Expected score can generally get in the bin, but I'd like to know the chances of our previous opposition this season kicking any of the first goals Freo got here. And they were deserved, but many other goals against us this year would've been if the chances hadn't been butchered in spectacular fashion.

The first came from a nice set shot, and by the time the second we'd lost Georgia Gall to an ankle injury where nobody knew who it was because the commentators were calling off a screen in South Melbourne, and they couldn't get a shot on her face or number. You couldn't even tell it was a tall player from the angle she'd collapsed on, so as far as viewers knew it could be anyone from Gall, to Hanks, to Helen of Troy. As it happened on the far side of the ground the in-person boundary rider was no help either, and as she had earlier gone with the formal but lesser used 'Elizabeth McNamara' earlier, I suggest she'd have been about as much use identifying our players without their number as I would be picking Dockers players from a lineup. 

Eventually somebody thought to show a replay, which dramatically solved the mystery like the all-time least watched episode of Law and Order. We were down one of our (literal) Big Four forwards for the rest of the game, but look at our points for column, what could possibly go wrong? Turns out the answer is 'playing against competent opposition'. Like when their second goal was delivered on a platter to a leading forward. If we kicked like that, Gold Coast would've lost by 300. Now it was "I didn't think this would so difficult" panic bombs inside 50 for no score. 

The spirit of just hoofing it wherever transferred to the backline, where a clearing kick was stuffed right down the gob of somebody - and if you've watched any version of Melbourne this won't surprise you - somebody who previously had two goals in 73 games but easily steered their set shot through. There was too much Chaplin up the ground for my liking, regularly taking our steadiest hand away from defence, and creating an eligibility headache for our Defender of the Year award.

We finally got a chance via a Wotherspoon free, but the thinnest headband in footy missed the lot. She did make amends with a very good mark of the top of the square. With respect to Gall, this was Ryleigh's chance to really get amongst it, but after a promising first half she disappeared into the Bermuda Triangle.

The comeback was shortlived before we conceded a goal to somebody called 'Tunisha', which is also the answer to a drunk person's favourite North African country. And as proof that inside 50s can go and piss up a rope, we'd had more of them by quarter time despite conceding a higher score than some fortnights this season.

You'd almost think all our problems were wind-related based on the second quarter, if the fourth didn't exist to contradict that theory. After a week stuck in the goal waiting queue, Bannan got a much needed one, before we got lucky when a Freo player was coathangered in a tackle and somehow deemed to have been holding the ball by an umpire standing a couple of metres away. Thanks for that. This led to a Zanker shanker set shot that was fortunately near enough to goal that it didn't matter, and we were 2/3 of the way to filling the remaining tall forward bingo card.

Now the margin was under a goal but things still looked ropey. But before long, as my Kayo feed went on and off like a tap, the scores were level. It came good just as a Hore set helicoptered into the hands of bingo wildcard Pearce at the top of the square. I've seen her miss from closer, but through it went and via a few awkward minutes at the end we got to the break just a point down. It was hardly hurricane force breeze, so time to go on with it yeah? Not really. Various early chances went awry, but at least for now our attacks were better value than just generating scores at the other end. In one way you could see us running away with it, in another it makes sense that we lost a thriller.

Our problem was conversion, and after about 12 minutes of attacking for no reward, Freo kicked one against the run of play. The coverage nearly missed the kick while replaying the mark, then celebrated the heartwarming return of a 3x ACL victim by cutting to a glum-looking Melbourne child who clearly couldn't give a fat rat's clacker about the comeback story. 

The kid would've chucked his hat over the fence if the Freo player hadn't missed an absolute sitter straight after, doing that classic AFLW move of turning around to find an empty square then excitedly botching the snap. A second goalless quarter to the left of screen had us five points down at the last change, but there was always the wind to save us. That didn't take into account giving away a free and 50 from the first bounce. Another player with two goals in 70+ games missed, but our reply was to kick OOF, then they did the same, and the contest was in full 'hardcore fans only' territory.

Finally, it was the old 'everyone get out of the way and leave it to the stars', when Hore snapped the goal to put us ahead. Harris will get the goal assist, but it never happened without our flavour of the month Fitzsimons standing up in a tackle and keeping the ball moving. It was very much not over, especially when they got a free in the middle of the ground and the player metres away from where it was paid got to pelt off - about 25% further than you're allowed to run without bouncing - and punt it inside 50. There it rolled into the behind post, preserving our one point lead.

We'd probably have sealed it if the ball didn't take a comedy bounce with Bannan running onto it inside 50, but instead it went down the Vandross End and they got a goal to make things difficult again. The challenge of kicking a goal against non-dreck opposition went up when Harris departed after a heavy collision, and you'd like to think if either she or Gall had been out there we may have got better value from the last two minutes of optimistic long kicks straight to Freo defenders. 

Sadly it was not to be, and we ran out of time. If the Pakistani cricket team did it you'd call for an enquiry, but we'll just put it down as not travelling well and hope for better next time. 

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Tyla Hanks
4 - Lauren Pearce
3 - Sinead Goldrick
2 - Eliza McNamara
1 - Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Apologies to Chaplin, Fitzsimon, Hore and Paxman. 

Leaderboard
Assuming there are 25 votes still available (three scheduled games and a minimum of two finals), it's cactus for anyone more than that far from the lead. Now that Hanks holds a lead of +1 BOG she'll be hard to shift from here. But if anyone can do that it'll be Hore, despite long-term evidence of underappreciation in this award. In minor categories news, congratulations to Pearce for staking a claim on the ruck award. 

30 - Tyla Hanks
23 - Kate Hore
21 - Maeve Chaplin (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Defender of the Year)
16 - Tayla Harris
12 - Eliza McNamara
6 - Olivia Purcell, Eden Zanker
5 - Megan Fitzsimon, Paxy Paxman
--- Abandon all hope below here ---
4 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
3 - Sinead Goldrick, Shelley Heath
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award), Ryleigh Wotherspoon

Goal of the Week
None of them memorable, so you know Hore vs Collingwood is still the clubhouse leader. Writing this bit the next morning (and depending on how long it takes to do the rest of this post that will give an insight to what order things are done in) I had to go back and check who kicked them and how. On the occasion of her first career vote, let's go for Wotherspoon due to the quality of the mark which preceded it.

Next Week
It's 9th placed Sydney, as we finally complete the set of playing all 17 opposition teams. On current interstate form, if it wasn't at Casey I'd be worried about a fiasco. For the endless shit I pour on our home ground, at least we win there much more often than not. Here's to ending next weekend completely overinflated about our flag prospects based on beating an average team. I assume Gall will be out, and probably Harris too, which will require some rethink about the forward line but this may not be a bad thing because there's no way one of the (literally) big four isn't getting cashed in for shitloads of picks and/or players at the end of the season. 

And if Gall and/or Harris are out, any danger of just playing Pisano no matter what? She hasn't done much yet, but is a high draft pick and isn't going to develop kicking the ball around at training. There are players elsewhere on the ground getting games due to lack of other options, I feel bad for her being regularly shelved because we've got 500 forwards. The question of "but who are you going to drop?" has been answered for the next couple of weeks at least, time to invest in her future and related cliches.

In other news, I'm just about cooked for writing about Australian Rules football in 2025, so if you're amongst the handful of people who read this far and want to have a crack at immortality by doing a guest report get in touch via email, socials, or by knocking on the front door. Usually I'd say your votes could be decisive in deciding where the Daisy goes, but at this stage the best you can do is keeping the race alive.

Final thoughts
Even with the injury excuses and travel considerations, this was crap performance against a fringe side but like the Port game it need not be fatal to the rest of the season. Still, I wouldn't be whacking your next house payment down on us winning any final, let alone the flag. But, in a generally predictable competition we represent the 'this could go anywhere' party so keep calm and hope that this turns out to be the loss we had to have, before eventually romping through the finals in swashbuckling fashion.

One piece at a time

In a week where our men's team tried to shed as many premiership players as possible, the job of temporarily calming things down fell to the section of the club that pioneered the old flag 'n turf. There was a time early in the 2024 season when Birch, Gay, Sherriff and West were gone, half the list was broken, and things looked extremely ropey. Adjusting for a lot of cardboard cutout style opposition so far this season, things seem to have turned out ok. Which is something to consider when you're about to drink furniture polish around June next year.

For all the excuses about a 'see attached pages' injury list, the lowest point of that season was when Essendon tore us to shreds. It says something for how well we've done in practically every other game played in competition history that despite being our all-time biggest loss and lowest score, we've done a lot worse to many opposition sides. Clawing back to the edge of the finals after that was impressive, and in just over a year we're back to where we were against the Bombers before that fiasco. Melbourne is the good team, Essendon is the mid-tablish side we should beat without it being detrimental to the league's reputation. 

On the occasion of randomly playing a home game at a decent venue in whatever level of prime time you get on 7Mate immediately after a show with somebody called 'Chumlee', it would've been good for football if we'd been dragged into a high quality thriller. So apologies to the AFL and Channel 7 for all but winning the game with three quick first quarter goals, then holding the opposition at bay until most neutral viewers had gone to bed or opened their third slab. Personally, I'd have been happy to win by 87 again, but never let it be said that I'm not thinking about the health of this competition.

Improvements to the viewing experience from not playing in a public park were offset by the putrid Essendon clash jumpers, with a sash randomly ending near the top instead of looping around. It was a fashion crime on the same scale as that silver shit our men used to wear in away games back when we struggled to pay the electricity bill.

Despite what happened last time, it briefly looked like another five star thumping was on the cards when we went three goals up in the blink of an eye. The most fascinating thing about us this year is how the forwards are rotating the goals between them, this week it was the turn of Harris x2 and Gall, while Zanker, Bannan, and for once Hore went home empty handed. I don't want to lose any of these players but something has to give at the end of the year, because it's an absurdly top heavy attack that will surely (hopefully not) come back to haunt us in the end. 

All this and you've got Campbell out of the team when she's the medium (?) term replacement for Pearce. Love for the club and all, but at least one of them has to decide they don't want to be second or third banana at the end of the year. I'll be sad when they go, but bring on the top draft picks from teams desperate to get off the bottom of the ladder. I'm sure if Daisy coached a Victorian club she'd have talked a few of the stars out by now, so thank god she's in charge of the geographically equal least appealing club in the competition.   

The answer of 'how many more people can you get to attend by playing in a stadium' was only about a thousand, and I don't know if makes it more financially rewarding to battle bullshit wind at 1pm in Cranbourne but every extra person also added a percentage point of how much more professional it looked. There was also a Taylor Swift album promotion featuring two Las Vegas showgirl characters standing behind Tom McDonald, which you'd never have seen at Casey.

Best wishes to Ms. Swift in making a billion dollars, but the only Tayl* I'm interested in following ends in 'a Harris'. By now the ad with the eye jumper has surely been seen more times than the video for Shake It Off. Speaking of things my kid likes, I was baffled that she suddenly wanted to watch this game instead of muppets talking shite on TikTok. In absolute 100%, no DNA tests required proof that this is my offspring it turns out she was trying to pay off a gag that involved the numbers six and seven standing next to each other. There were a couple of post-goal moments early on when Bannan and Harris just needed to turn their back to camera and all would be revealed, but sadly by the time it actually happened child had lost interest and gone off to do cyberbully somebody/whatever else 11-year-olds do on the internet. 

Forget whatever's funny about 6 meeting 7, I'm only into MFC related gimmicks. Like how we always facilitate great moments for random players. In this case it meant conceding the first career goal to a former New Zealand rugby international. To be fair it was via a thumping set shot, so as we seem to have given up on Ireland maybe this could be the next frontier in recruitment. The players may also be sturdier and not break down all the time.

That goal may have been the trigger for Essendon to invoke the spirit of '24 and storm back into the game. But it wasn't. The next three quarters was basically just them thumping the ball forward hoping for the best and seeing it turned back immediately (usually by 'All Australian Or We Riot' Maeve Chaplin), while holding up well enough to stop us romping away with it.

Other than winning, the best part of the night was commentators going rogue and hanging shit on the new holding the ball rule. At least until realising they might get rotated off the coverage if anyone from the AFL was watching and throwing in disclaimers about how we have to get used to it etc... There was also a halftime interview with Gawn where I'm pretty sure they'd been told not to ask any difficult questions about his teammates disappearing like South American political dissidents in the 1970s.

Though we'd only conceded one goal in a half again, the door was ever so slightly ajar considering the better standard of opposition. Then we kicked the only goal for a quarter and a half, the game was won a mile out, and as the commentators couldn't make spicy comments about rule interpretations anymore but didn't have the BT style buffoon rating to fill time by talking crap, it all went a bit going through the motions. So with nothing else to say, as she kicked our only goal of the second half I'd like to announce that Megan Fitzsimon has officially achieved Neville Jetta status as somebody who is so underrated that they've become rated. She is having her career best season by some distance, and has years left for further development. Which is nice.  

All that was left to do was run out the game, and for a return to our early season policy of players mysteriously carking it. The Rent-A-Player rewards card has been packed away for now, but best keep the Medicare one hand with this side because something unusual is always just around the corner. Just weeks after Heath had to depart a game with Super Heart Rate, Goldrick departed midway through the final term with illness. Essendon got their second goal not long after, making the margin 19 with nine minutes left, and while a comeback was unlikely there was more chance than the 0.0% when we got that far in front against either Coast but more chance than the 0.0% percent when we were that far in front against either Coast.

More concerning was the sight of Heath regaining the strange injuries title when seeing lying down with legs elevated on a seat, hooking into the green whistle. Turns out she was just coping with a dislocated finger and there's no long term issues. Digit injuries give me the ick so I can sympathise with her, if mine ever go out of place I'd need the whistle, Lifeline, and a near-fatal dose of heroin. 

The incident also offered a perfect 'over it' picture for future use, so not all bad news eh Shelley? He says forgetting she used to be a taekwondo champion and may kick my head in.

At two players down and with the game long won, we reintroduced the "that'll do" spirit of the West Coast game and let them kick another goal. That cut the margin to 13 with a couple of minutes left, and talk about your handy point because I'd have been packing it at the prospect of being mown down in another epic comeback. I bet Maeve Chaplin wouldn't have let the Docklands Disaster happen, and there was to be no such fiasco here. The ball spent enough time at our end to run the clock down and all was well. 

Bit of a change from last week to be semi-falling over the line instead of booting an opposition to death, but you can't play flotsam and jetsam every week. Put it down as a good, honest, important win and cross your undislocated fingers that we got something out of it for the important end of the season.

With four games left we're three wins and a couple of hundred percentage points ahead of 9th, so you can lock away a return to the finals. As we know North will finish top unless DQed for salary cap violations or witchcraft, so it's just a matter of landing second or third and avoiding playing them in the first final. If I was paid to be peppy and positive I'd say bring it on, let's embrace the challenge of trying to KO the big hitters as soon as possible but no thank you, we've lost six consecutive finals across the genders so while nothing's guaranteed I'm happy to embrace the less treacherous side of the draw if possible. 

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Maeve Chaplin
4 - Tayla Harris
3 - Kate Hore
2 - Megan Fitzsimon
1 - Eliza McNamara

Apologies to Gall, Hanks, Heath, Paxman and Pearce

Leaderboard
Suddenly, a new contender emerges, just weeks after I said there was no chance of anyone other than Hanks or Hore winning. Now, watch them both poll solid numbers in the league B&F while Chaplin gets nil. If nothing else, she'll romp the Defender of the Year award here. Still, it's on like the proverbial in this one. Even Harris is within striking range of making it interesting.

25 - Tyla Hanks
23 - Kate Hore
21 - Maeve Chaplin (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Defender of the Year)
16 - Tayla Harris
10 - Eliza McNamara
6 - Olivia Purcell, Eden Zanker
5 - Megan Fitzsimon, Paxy Paxman
3 - Shelley Heath
1 - Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award)

Goal of the Week
The Wotherspoon one was enjoyable, but Hore from the Pie pocket remains your clubhouse leader.

Next Week
First leg of our (hopefully) gentle ride into finals is a return to Fremantle Oval, scene of last year's after the siren disaster. They lost to North by 100 at the same venue earlier this season and sit 13th but are still a chance of sneaking into the eight due to the ludicrously top-heavy nature of the competition. So after we did all our best scoring work in about eight minutes this week I'm not taking anything for granted. Can win, should win, but after Richmond pulled off the one massive upset of the season I need to see hard evidence that this is going well before getting excited.

Final thoughts
More of the same please, and I hope Charlie Spargo takes up all North's AFLW parking spots.