Driving Off Miss Daisy

* Headline presented for novelty purposes only, we encourage Daisy to return to Melbourne as coach eventually.

After publishing last week's post, I felt bad about getting frustrated at the giant gulf between the top and bottom AFLW players. It's true that over-expansion created a ridiculous gap between the league's best and worst players, but after 9.5 years of loyal league patronage it felt like the sporting equivalent of saying you don't like the people marching for [insert your least favourite political cause here], but "they have some good points". Obviously, I'm pro-W, I just think there's about 100 players who'd be better served playing in a second division competition than on national television. Also, fair chance I was just sour after an unexpected loss. 

The moral ledger was corrected this week when I went to some of the most extreme lengths to avoid spoilers in AFLW history. I was always going to be watching on delay due to family commitments, so thought there was no point rushing home and I might as well go full Fat Parent and take the kids for a Maccas on the way home. And of all the things they could be showing on the TV with the sound up, you can guess what was on.

Given that the result was never in doubt, would it have really hurt to know the score at what I think was just before three quarter time? Well, a little bit yes because I'd probably have gone home rubbing my hands together in glee about kicking six goals to nil in the last quarter and winning by a hundred only to see us go into "that'll do" mode and let the Eagles kick several token goals. As I somehow managed to lock eyes on the screen without taking in the score, the poor baffled children were reversed out the door and forced to eat chicken nuggets in the car via the drive-through. Fairly shit parenting, but score blackout integrity is important.

I could've guessed that the score at that point of the game was going to be Melbourne LOTS, West Coast MUCH LESS, because that's happened every time we've ever played them. After a break last season when we probably couldn't take advantage anyway, this was a return to the series of games now stretched over seven seasons where we'd previous won by 59-79 points and restricted them to three goals in twelve quarters. It says something when this became their best ever performance against us after no goals for three quarters, and letting Eden Zanker put frighteners into the estate of Fred Fanning before half time.

Like all the dud sides in the competition, they'll be good eventually and all we'll have is the memory of the walkovers. Fortunately, we've now got four of them to consider. The last quarter wasn't as violent as it might've been, but it would be rude to complain considering the level of domination before that. This is one competition where you can honestly say the Eagles are a better side than ever, and we wish Daisy as well as you can anyone associated with such a born to rule operation, but it was still going to take a major reversal of fortune and/or disaster to beat us.

With the Eagles already up against it, the interests of competitive balance were not served by us kicking with a four goal wind in the first quarter. Obviously, both sides would get their chance to use it etc.. etc.. etc.. but the last thing they needed after playing Darryl Cullinan to Shane Warne in our previous meetings was to be chasing down a big lead. 

For once, the wind was blowing practically straight down one end instead of east, west, north, and south at random times, and the chance of the visitors kicking a competitive score was made more difficult by the return of Australia's all-time #1 most popular Gillard to our backline. So when we kicked three goals in the opening minutes it was thanks heaps to the opposition for travelling across the country and then taking the more arduous journey to Cranbourne, but they were designated as cannon fodder. I can't argue their commitment, and keeping us down to four goals despite the breeze was a reasonable achievement but you could fit Argentina through the gaps they left for the goals to Zanker x2 and Harris, so it didn't bode well for keeping scores respectable.

At least they could look forward to a bit of wind-assisted attack in the second quarter, and though I doubted they had it in them to take full advantage there was a mark at the top of the 50 from the first bounce. That only turned into a point, before they got a reminder how futile their task was when we went down the other end and a Hanks snap that was never going to make the distance bounced over a defender and into Zanker's hands for a third. Then, after a West Coast player randomly kicked backwards from the next bounce Paxy stuffed the ball down Zanker's throat for four, and Daisy was in danger of becoming surely the first coach in history to preside over the loss of their own club record for most goals in a game.

When Zanker's fifth goal went in halfway through the quarter, the record she jointly held with Pearce, Bannan and Hore looked like being demolished by half time. Especially with the use of the wind in the third quarter, and the way she beat multiple defenders to pull down an up the chimney snap by Bannan on the line when they had every chance to punch it through. It's a miracle and/or credit to the fighting spirit of the opposition that she only had one more decent chance for the rest of the game.

Those of you who watched live would have been aware long before me that we'd already done our best work, but unlike last week there was something to be said for having so many talls. They could switch their entire backline onto Zanker and it would just open the door for Bannan, Gall, Harris etc.. to run riot. The record nearly went before the break, but as Zanker's shot fell short, Channel 7's effects mic started picking up random conversations of fans on the boundary line. We must be close to a repeat of that time the live feed of the draft caught a kid saying they'd shit themself. Based on things heard later in the game these voices may have been coming from the West Coast bench, which makes the "oh no" even funnier.

Due to watching on a savage delay, there was no time for the quarter break festivities. These appeared to be a non-stop tribute to Daisy Pearce. Fair enough as far as I'm concerned, the more talk about that Grand Final the better. If you ever needed proof that the AFL don't really care about this competition, it's that they didn't find a way to direct her to a coaching job in Victoria. Whether she can coach or not I have zero idea (and won't base anything on this fiasco), but how do they let the biggest name in the code waste away in the provinces when there's promotional opportunities to be had in the game's heartland. Not to mention the opportunity to retain one of the few people on Channel 7's coverage who don't make you want to put your head in the dishwasher.

The Eagles finally got a spot of luck at the start of the third quarter when a Wotherspoon shot that could easily have bounced through sat up and allowed them to escape. Except that kick didn't go far enough to a defender who refused to believe it hadn't been paid, and was pinged holding the ball. Somehow they got out of all this by only conceding points, but for all their tackling intensity and what I'll patronisingly call 'endeavour' they didn't look likely to reach their one goal a game average. 

This was more of a glorified training drill than a serious trial for playing finals, but it was another four points towards qualifying, which is better than trying to storm back from disaster last year. West Coast managed to hold us out for the first few minutes, at the expense of never looking like kicking a goal of their own. Our non-stop attack finally turned into Harris booting the shit out of a snap and the margin went beyond 50. I'm surprised Lower Plenty McDonalds still had it on at this point and hadn't switched to ads for Fillet O'Fish. 

On a day where our best players had the opportunity to fill their boots, it was pleasing that for once Hore and Hanks were just guests at the party rather than the driving forces. Still, Hore nicked out the back for a second goal, and when Pisano got one too we were half a chance of a record score. Sadly (for us), the wrong half. 

There was still a wind to kick into in the last quarter, but as it didn't make much of a difference the first time you could see it getting ugly. Especially when into-the-breeze specialist Zanker marked directly in front, but despite huge post-mark celebrations by Bannan (showing full team spirit considering her part of the record was potentially about to disappear), but she pushed it wide and never went close again. From here it was - against the odds - all West Coast. They finally got a goal, and just to prove that we can be charitable even while winning in a canter, it went to somebody who had previously kicked one in 30-something games.

This kicked off a bit of junktime, which led to West Coast's second goal via a free kick that would never be paid if the result was doubt. The season is a marathon (well, a lengthy fun run) not a sprint etc... so I won't hold it against them for not going full pelt to the final siren. Other than seeing if Zanker could kick six, I was most interested in the people chatting on the boundary line, including the guy angrily telling somebody (or perhaps a dog) to "get off" something. That's all the publicity the league needs in Grand Final week, footage of a canine vigorously humping someone's leg on the boundary line. 

Sadly there was to be no record-breaking goal, but we did our bit for the credibility of the competition by letting the Eagles kick as many goals for the quarter as their previous 15 against us. Bit of a flat finish, but it's a fifth win out of six in a 12 game season, and I'm not suggesting we're going to win anything this year but the opposition ahead for the rest of the season is flat enough that I'm sure we're going to get a shot in finals, hopefully relatively injury free, and here's hoping to catch the otherwise unassailable North on a bad day. 

2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Eden Zanker
4 - Eliza McNamara
3 - Maeve Chaplin
2 - Tayla Harris
1 - Tyla Hanks

Apologies to Fitzsimon, Hore, Gillard and Taylor

Leaderboard
A week after declaring the rest of the list NO CHANCE of catching the leaders, Chaplin and Harris chip slightly into the gap and keep it interesting. Hanks narrowly pinches the lead, and in this shortened season of 12 games + surely to god at least one final, we're not far away from shutting the gate on anyone who hasn't scored yet. No change in the minor awards, but we're not far away from Chaplin being declared provisional DOTY winner. 

20 - Tyla Hanks
19 - Kate Hore
12 - Maeve Chaplin (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Tayla Harris
6 - Eliza McNamara, Olivia Purcell
5 - Paxy Paxman, Eden Zanker
3 - Shelley Heath
1 - Megan Fitzsimon, Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award), Eden Zanker

Goal of the Week
No offence to any of the Zanker Five, but I love when somebody kicks a snap like it owes them money so this week's winner is T. Harris. Hore from the pocket vs Collingwood still leads.,

Next Week
We complete the Coast to Coast at Casey double with a visit from the Gold variety. As much as I usually despise any type of double header, explain how it makes any sense to be playing a public fixture on Mt. Variable Weather when Princes Park isn't being used until 5pm? Sorry to the people who live locally, but you can either have 2000 of the same people who go every week, or at least the same number of fans from around the city at a ground not generally subject to gale force winds.   

On paper, Gold is even worse than West, but I'm taking nothing for granted. To be fair, they did nearly beat Adelaide this week before dead-set evapourating in the final quarter. We should win, and hopefully after Daisy's unhappy return, it's Lily Mithen's turn to get flashbacks to past thumping wins at Casey.  

Final thoughts
Don't know if this did anything for the league's credibility, but it was more fun than losing.