It's been another week of seismic shocks and surprises in the football world, but none bigger than the Melbourne W injury list shrinking. Surely this unprecedented turn of events involved a few near misses and burst organ scares at training, because this season playing for us has had a lower survival rate than the Eastern Front in World War II. The sick list still says [attach additional pages], but we were down to one Rent-A-Player on the bench and even had the luxury of omitting somebody.
Our slightly less cobbled together than usual lineup took care of Richmond, but while I'm usually fanatical about scheduling the AFLW season after the men's competition is over, it's probably a good thing that this game was overshadowed by finals. Pick your own combination of our diminished lineup, enthusastic but ultimately crap opposition, and/or the usual spectacle destroying Casey wind, but the life choices of any neutrals who watched from start to finish are in question. Late in the third quarter, even a tragic consumer of MFC-related games like me thought it might be better off if the captains just shook hands and agreed on a margin.
I choose to take the safe option and lay most of the blame on the venue. Lucky nobody is reading this, because I wouldn't want the club to be connected to my hatred of Casey Fields but the only good thing about this windswept, turd of a place is our winning record. One day the galaxy of stars will be gone, we'll be the ones with 0.5 at three quarter time, and everyone will be able to admit how crap the place is. But not this week, as we still had enough quality to kick eight goals via brute force forward entries, and opposition that incinerated chances at the temperature of an industrial smelter.
God only knows how many were watching, but for Melbourne fans it was a case of 'we happy few' as the usual legends ran riot. The first bounce went through the hands of Hanks and Hore, and that's pretty much all you need in a game like this. North Melbourne, Hawthorn (?), Adelaide (??) Brisbane (???) etc... will ruthlessly exploit us for reliance on stars, and Collingwood nearly got away with it last week, but you could tell pretty quickly where this game was going.
Getting the ball forward inside 50 is a piece of piss, but conversion could become a problem against non-flotsam/jetsam opposition. This one nearly landed with Zanker, which was the story of the day for most of our forward entries. The diagonal wind didn't help, and yes all outdoor grounds are subject to variable conditions etc... etc... but some of them are more affected than others, and when you're already dealing with thin playing depth stretched across 18 teams, this is just mocking the players and counterproductive to the image of the competition. Even the banner went to bits, and as only 150 more people turned up last time when there were helicopter hijinks, I'm sad that we're probably only playing there because it's cheaper than renting Princes Park.
We had what advantage there was from the wind, but it took a couple of half-chances, and just as many blatant holding/dropping the ball decisions in our favour, to finally remind Richmond that they were engaged in a futile task. Enter Bannan, to casually rip a snap around the corner for the opening goal. All the talls would subsequently get involved, and they'll get the job done against lesser teams most of the time but the lack of crumb will come back haunt us eventually.
Shame you can't do mid-season trades, because we've got so many KPF options that one could turn into multiple players to fix potential problems around the ground. As the game went on I felt a little guilty at having all these forward riches that we couldn't fully take advantage of, while the opposition attack was so comically bad. If you believe Nathan Burke, the AFL blocked trades that didn't benefit expansion clubs, but were obviously having a sickie when we got Harris, Purcell etc... for relatively bugger all. I know GWS aren't allowed to be controversial because they're a protectorate of the league, but I'd like their thoughts on this as a foundation club that celebrated the expansion years by losing a game 97-1.
Don't feel too bad for Richmond though, they played finals last year so technically we were the plucky underdog in this contest. Not that you'd have known watching their struggle to get anything happening here. Other than one burst down the other end, where they likely would've marked in range if the wind didn't drag the ball away from a free player, they barely went across halfway. On some days we'd have blasted through five goals before quarter time, but the door was left open for Richmond if they could get it together. Which they couldn't, but you'd have thought the same last week before Collingwood dug in and had a crack.
They did have one late chance, but it only fed us for a lightning counter-attack which should've ended in a Gall Goal after she stepped around a befuddled opponent, then missed an open goal. They held out for the rest of the quarter, and despite scoring NIL could claim to have done well kicking into the wind. Not like we haven't lost a game before after holding a side scoreless in the opening term. All's well that ended well, but it was a colossal waste of dominance.
Which continued from 0.01 in the second quarter, when we exited the middle at top speed again but it came to nothing. We looked so much better in the middle that this is a game you could imagine us turning one goal into another via centre bounce dominance. Finally, after missing the allegedly 'easy' one at the other end Gall made amends by mastering the conditions with a set shot that hooked violently on the wind. It was a great finish, but showed how difficult it was going to be to convert in the conditions, and suggested we weren't going to win by an enormous margin unless most of the goals were walked in from the square.
Now that the game was obviously slipping away from them, Richmond came up with a new centre bounce strategy and just waited (to put it generously) for Hore to get the ball, then pounced on her. Via various detours, this led to a shot on goal. It missed, but it removed the prospect of them finishing on 0.0.
I think Fitzsimon is our most underrated player, after some obscure off-the-ball free kick her choice of a set shot into the wind seemed optimistic. However, after grabbing a couple of extra metres by playing on, she got her kick high enough to beat everyone and go through. Except apparently she didn't, because once the players were back in the middle we were reminded that there's some sort of Skynet technology in the ball to determine if it was touched or not.
It was obvious what the result of the review was when the umpire took a call from the reviewer (who must have the easiest job in Australia, considering how few times this gimmick has been activated) and gestured for players to return left of screen for a kick-in, but to add to the confusion the first replay showed this:
... when the replay didn't matter because everyone already knew what was happening because the ball chip had already made the decision. Just as the Richmond player was just break protocol by kicking in after this alleged goal, they found the right button and this came up.
This stroke of luck nearly turned into a Richmond goal, as they went down the other end and got a free 30 metres out. With the use of the wind, this was a viable distance for a set shot. Except we'll never know, because another player got a rush of blood, snatched the ball off the ground, and tried to thrash it through off a step. Not the best decision they'll ever make, especially after it led to us going the other way for Hore to kick our third. I'll never trust an M lead again, but for an AFLW game this was as close as I'd ever get to betting a kidney that we'd win when just 23 points up.
Or 29, when one of their rare promising attacks fell to bits, and a botched handball sent us the other way where Pearce was just hanging out in the square on her own. They had another shot at the end but missed the lot, and that was it for the half as the umpire wasn't stupid enough to fall for the player going to ground in a theatrical Cam Rayner style under light contact.
The only non-participant fans watching would be lovers of the game, and I'm sure they were hoping Richmond was going to find inspiration during the break and come out firing. Kate Hore said "lol, no" and kicked a goal in the first minute. It didn't have the power and fury of North beating Freo by a hundred, but was still threatening to get perverse. Richmond wasn't that bad, and we weren't that good, but they were so poor in attack that even I was starting to get frustrated. Finally, they landed a mark on a player right in front of goal. It missed, but they got a free in the pocket to make up for it. And that missed too for god's sake.
The backline was a little big more traditional this week with Colvin back, but for all of Richmond's botched attempts at goal they were still under regular pressure and held up well. Fitzsimon may be our official most underrated player, this was Saraid Taylor's best game by a mile, unlocking the coveted 'stitch up the club that sacked you' achievement. And it goes without saying that Chaplin was ace as always.
After all their struggles to introduce ball and middle posts, there was further insult to injury for the Tigers when Campbell went forward, took a mark, and kicked straight. We already had the tallest forward line in history, now the rucks had two bonus goals. There was a chance for old mate G. Train and her zany, hunched over run-in, but that went the same way as all their other shots. Not that we were piling on misery at the other end, but they were 0.5 at three quarter time and should file an official complaint to the league if any more "how grouse is the high scoring?" propaganda pieces come out of head office this week.
By now I was happy just to avoid injuries, which wasn't helped by footage of heart rate fiasco survivor Heath hobbling around with a sore ankle. Turned out to be nothing and she was back for the start of the last quarter, but I'll be expecting to find out there's been a midweek amputation. Considering our record with these things, it'll turn out that all the damage was done by coming back onto the ground in a dead rubber.
Richmond finally brought up six points, but unfortunately for them that was entirely made up of behinds. They were well beyond the solitary, sad point of the 2022 Eagles, and their next miss moved them the long way into equal second with the 1.1s previously kicked by West Coast (them again), and GWS. The good news is that point led to a goal, albeit to Zanker, who became the latest player to waltz into an open goal.
Meanwhile, they had a chance to kick one entirely by fluke but as it bounced towards goal the ball took a big comedy leg break. They did get a real one not long after, which was probably good for football but disappointing for fans of novelty statistics. Fitzsimon got her stolen goal back, but sadly our percentage dipped below 300 when they got a second one later in the game. No need to show off, the job had been done long before then.
This was quite good considering the shouse conditions, but it's hard to judge how good we are while playing against the equivalent of cardboards cutouts. One day we'll be on the other side of the ledger, and I'll be sure to show humility then. Or blame outside forces and conspiracies.
2025 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Kate Hore
4 - Tyla Hanks
3 - Maeve Chaplin
2 - Eliza McNamara
1 - Saraid Taylor
Apologies to Ebert, Fitzsimon, Gall, Harris, O'Hehir, Paxman, Pearce, and Rigoni.
Leaderboard
It's already a two-person race at the top, and Chaplin is building a handy lead in the defender award, so all the action this week is in the Rising Star. Taylor qualifies under the four games or less at the start of the year rule, and while I think she'll probably be overrun by O'Hehir at some stage it must be a real highlight of the career CV to have temporarily led one of these awards.
16 - Tyla Hanks
14 - Kate Hore
7 - Maeve Chaplin (LEADER: Defender of the Year)
6 - Tayla Harris, Olivia Purcell
5 - Paxy Paxman
3 - Shelley Heath
2 - Eliza McNamara
1 - Megan Fitzsimon, Saraid Taylor (LEADER: Rising Star Award)
Goal of the Week
The Bannan opener, even if her goals are always boosted by the elite celebrating advantage. Hore from the pocket against Collingwood retains the overall lead.
Next Week
It's Port Adelaide for the first time in a league game. So far, they've lost to the very good North by 70 and beaten the very bad Gold Coast by 70 so it would be an understatement to say anything could happen. If Heath's ankle is fine and nobody is hit by flying debris during a Casey hurricane, we'll be able to field pretty much the same team, which is a luxury considering the extensive collection of players you won't be seeing for several weeks/at all. I like to think we'll win, but am also concerned we're vulnerable to playing an absolute stinker at some point.
Final thoughts
I got nothing. Up the 'mons.
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