So that somebody can set up a local version of this site.
The only problem is that nobody here (with the possible exception of, err, me) wears a disturbingly random number on their jumper.
I'm sure as hell there's somebody out there in either a 1996, #7 Robbie Ah Mat Collingwood jumper or an original Fremantle Dockers spew green #31 Leigh Wardell-Johnson. And god damn it I want to see it.
(P.S - A recap of my all-time jumper number shenanigans,
#54 - Brent Heaver
#31 - Rod Keogh
#13 - Allen Jakovich
#1 - Jamie Shanahan
#28 - Phil Read)
Friday, 23 November 2007
Thursday, 11 October 2007
RIP - The Man Who Couldn't Kick
So it's farewell Travis Johnstone.
TJ was like Saddam Hussein. Always threatened to do something interesting, but only ever really let rip once (Gulf War I = 2002). Now Dean Bailey has done his best GWB impersonation and made the decisive move that his predecessor was unwilling to. Whether it ends up as big of a farce as the second Iraqi excursion is anyone's guess.
If he's a raging success in Brisbane good luck to him. I'd rather see our ex-players playing well than anyone else. Brace yourself, though, for the sort of "I'm never buying a membership again" wankathon that followed the Woewodin trade. How exactly did that end up hurting us in the end? You can question the fact that we payed them for him to play, but the player trade side of it never did us any harm. The club is bigger than any player - we will endure no matter who they sack, and anyone who walks just because somebody has been traded is obviously a tip rat anyway.
It's a good move. I support it. The only problem is the fact that even though Sydney are crawling all over him we've gone and declared Brad Miller as a required player. The New Junkyard Dog, Dean Bailey, had better have something special in store because I fail to see where Miller hasn't already been played with mediocre results.
P.S - Welcome John Meesen. I wouldn't know who he was if he robbed me in the street, but he's a better person for having signed with us.
TJ was like Saddam Hussein. Always threatened to do something interesting, but only ever really let rip once (Gulf War I = 2002). Now Dean Bailey has done his best GWB impersonation and made the decisive move that his predecessor was unwilling to. Whether it ends up as big of a farce as the second Iraqi excursion is anyone's guess.
If he's a raging success in Brisbane good luck to him. I'd rather see our ex-players playing well than anyone else. Brace yourself, though, for the sort of "I'm never buying a membership again" wankathon that followed the Woewodin trade. How exactly did that end up hurting us in the end? You can question the fact that we payed them for him to play, but the player trade side of it never did us any harm. The club is bigger than any player - we will endure no matter who they sack, and anyone who walks just because somebody has been traded is obviously a tip rat anyway.
It's a good move. I support it. The only problem is the fact that even though Sydney are crawling all over him we've gone and declared Brad Miller as a required player. The New Junkyard Dog, Dean Bailey, had better have something special in store because I fail to see where Miller hasn't already been played with mediocre results.
P.S - Welcome John Meesen. I wouldn't know who he was if he robbed me in the street, but he's a better person for having signed with us.
Monday, 17 September 2007
Football Inquest
I miss footy season already (no, I was not aware there are actually two weeks left in this year's comp. I choose to ignore this fact). Despite the abysmal performance of Melbourne on-field this year, like a masochist I'm looking forward to the utter embarassment that is on show for next year. We've had the delistings (round one of many, one can only hope), and there's a draft to be had somewhere. But first it's trade week, and thankfully we've got a media frenzy on offer to keep things amusing and to ensure the hottest week of trading action ever. Even if nothing happens until 3pm Friday as usual.
CARLTON has the front running to snare Brownlow medallist Chris Judd ahead of almost every other Melbourne club.
The Blues have the money to satisfy Judd's financial demands of about $1 million a year, as well as draft selections and players to offer the Eagles.
They could use Brendan Fevola and Josh Kennedy, a former East Fremantle player, as trade bait.
Geelong and the Western Bulldogs are the only two clubs unlikely to pursue him.
Collingwood, Essendon and Hawthorn have all expressed great interest in Judd, but if a deal isn't struck for Judd to cross to the club of his choice, Richmond would have first crack at him in the pre-season draft where he could cross to the Tigers for free.
Judd told his manager Paul Connors on Thursday, the day before West Coast's loss to Collingwood, that he wanted to return to Melbourne after six seasons with the Eagles.
West Coast chairman Dalton Gooding said last night that he was shocked by the decision.
"I didn't see it coming at all, I did not see it," Gooding said.
"It has certainly stunned everyone.
"Knowing Chris, he is a very deep thinker and someone who has given this a lot of thought.
"My gut feeling would be there would be little hope of changing his mind."
Gooding said the Eagles would now have to negotiate a suitable deal for what he described as the best player to leave a club in 20 years.
Asked what Judd was worth for trade, Gooding replied: "Selections, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17.
Let's face it - whether or not he supported us as a kid is irrelevant. Richard Pratt will lie down on the boardroom table at Princes Park and let Judd teabag him* if it means the kid signs a contract. Carlton have the tradeable picks, the money and the influence to land him - we don't. Without trading away the farm he isn't coming to play for us - especially given the shithouse state of our training facilities. It's about as likely as him being courted by North Melbourne and being taken to see Arden Street only to find out that half of it is burned down and it doesn't actually have a stand on one side.
So there's a nice lineup on offer for the Blues for sure, but good luck trying to fit Judd, Murphy, Gibbs, Kruezer, Stevens and Fevola under the cap in a couple of years. With the amount of Carlton players that will be on the VISY payroll next season* you'd hate to run into their team in the corporate competition.
The only way I can guarantee you that Melbourne will land him is if his groin is completely rooted and he's ready to fall apart. Only we could sign the hottest player of a generation moments before his body completely lost the plot. Besides, is there any danger we could snare a key position player sometime in the next millenium? If Robertson quits, and with Neitz falling apart faster than the Middle East Peace Accords (topical! If we're in 1995) we're likely to score under a hundred for the entire season. I know everyone wants to hump Juice Newton, but he's played ten games and taken mark of the year - let's not stake an entire future on him yet.
Ahh, footy. I loathe it, yet I love it. Tips for the Grand Final? The only thing certain is that the half-time entertainment will be complete gash.
* Denotes comments which are very unlikely to happen, especially if you're a lawyer.
CARLTON has the front running to snare Brownlow medallist Chris Judd ahead of almost every other Melbourne club.
The Blues have the money to satisfy Judd's financial demands of about $1 million a year, as well as draft selections and players to offer the Eagles.
They could use Brendan Fevola and Josh Kennedy, a former East Fremantle player, as trade bait.
Geelong and the Western Bulldogs are the only two clubs unlikely to pursue him.
Collingwood, Essendon and Hawthorn have all expressed great interest in Judd, but if a deal isn't struck for Judd to cross to the club of his choice, Richmond would have first crack at him in the pre-season draft where he could cross to the Tigers for free.
Judd told his manager Paul Connors on Thursday, the day before West Coast's loss to Collingwood, that he wanted to return to Melbourne after six seasons with the Eagles.
West Coast chairman Dalton Gooding said last night that he was shocked by the decision.
"I didn't see it coming at all, I did not see it," Gooding said.
"It has certainly stunned everyone.
"Knowing Chris, he is a very deep thinker and someone who has given this a lot of thought.
"My gut feeling would be there would be little hope of changing his mind."
Gooding said the Eagles would now have to negotiate a suitable deal for what he described as the best player to leave a club in 20 years.
Asked what Judd was worth for trade, Gooding replied: "Selections, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17.
Let's face it - whether or not he supported us as a kid is irrelevant. Richard Pratt will lie down on the boardroom table at Princes Park and let Judd teabag him* if it means the kid signs a contract. Carlton have the tradeable picks, the money and the influence to land him - we don't. Without trading away the farm he isn't coming to play for us - especially given the shithouse state of our training facilities. It's about as likely as him being courted by North Melbourne and being taken to see Arden Street only to find out that half of it is burned down and it doesn't actually have a stand on one side.
So there's a nice lineup on offer for the Blues for sure, but good luck trying to fit Judd, Murphy, Gibbs, Kruezer, Stevens and Fevola under the cap in a couple of years. With the amount of Carlton players that will be on the VISY payroll next season* you'd hate to run into their team in the corporate competition.
The only way I can guarantee you that Melbourne will land him is if his groin is completely rooted and he's ready to fall apart. Only we could sign the hottest player of a generation moments before his body completely lost the plot. Besides, is there any danger we could snare a key position player sometime in the next millenium? If Robertson quits, and with Neitz falling apart faster than the Middle East Peace Accords (topical! If we're in 1995) we're likely to score under a hundred for the entire season. I know everyone wants to hump Juice Newton, but he's played ten games and taken mark of the year - let's not stake an entire future on him yet.
Ahh, footy. I loathe it, yet I love it. Tips for the Grand Final? The only thing certain is that the half-time entertainment will be complete gash.
* Denotes comments which are very unlikely to happen, especially if you're a lawyer.
Thursday, 6 September 2007
Season in Review (Part 2)
HITS
Matthew Bate
Some questions remain, most centering around whether or not he can play as a true CHF, but he showed heart throughout the year and impressed up front kicking 19 goals in as many games. Definately a required player in years to come, but the question of where he will be most effective will be one of the most important for Bailey in the next couple of years.
Daniel Bell
Went from a fringe player to a key member of the defence. Was having a great season before being mowed down by Ben Johnson against Collingwood. In the absence of Nathan Brown next season he will be a crucial cog in an undersized backline.
Nathan Brown
Threw himself around across the last six weeks of the season like somebody who had nothing to lose, and then proved it by retiring after the last game. His skills may have been on the slide but there's nobody who could deny that he wasn't going 110% every time he went near the thing throughout the year. His kamikaze attack on the ball, and his opponents, will be sorely missed.
Lynden Dunn
Unbelievably couldn't get a game at times despite a promising debut season, but showed progress when he did play. Three goals against Fremantle first up was his attacking highlight, but also played a role as a tagger occasionally - most notably when he destroyed Chad Cornes in the second half of our narrow loss to Port Adelaide. An interesting year awaits in '08.
Simon Godfrey
A hundred games into his career, and unlikely to last much longer, but had a respectable season as a tagger. Played a couple of great games, and gave us more than we could possibly have imagined in the pre-season. Also provided a handy punching bag for the likes of Adam Goodes and Scott West throughout the year - he might not have the ball skills but he's obviously a master at annoying people.
Brad Green
Repeatedly talked about by fans when it comes to trade talk, Green had a great year in the midfield, and despite playing the least games of any of his eight AFL seasons rode high in our "Player of the Year" voting for most of the season. The highlight was undoubtedly 37 touches against the Crows, but in the shower of shit that was our season his output was more than respectable.
Nathan Jones
The New Next Big Thing (NNBT) enjoyed third place in the Rising Star award on the back of a sensational season that should see him run top 3 in the B&F in just his second season. Undoubtedly a star of the future, and brings a fury to our midfield that we need if we're any hope of bouncing straight back into the 8 next season. We we wait with interest to see how he will cope with the increased attention that he'll suffer next season.
James McDonald
Star. The most consistent performer in the side, and would be a worthy winner of his second B&F in a row. Never failed to have less than 15 disposals a game, and added two 10+ tackle games to the tally as well. One of the most important players on the list, and probably has two good seasons left in him.
Michael Newton
Ironically for a guy who probably would have been delisted if we'd had a good season the Juice has not only become a first team player but could also take home Mark of the Year. In a team where history has proven that when David Neitz is out we struggle to kick goals we hadn't developed a forward prospect who even moderately looked like replacing him - and we're not saying Newton will play 300 games but he certainly looks like a good goalkicking prospect. With ten games of experience behind him, and a few interesting cameos on the wing, it'll be interesting to see how Juice fits in to Bailey's plans for '08.
Ricky Petterd
Was showing some real class before his near-death experience against Carlton. Nine games into his career there's plenty to suggest that if he can stay clear of deadly scenarios on the field that he'll be a quality player in years to come.
Russell Robertson
Padded his figures with a couple of big bags, but despite playing his least games since 1999 he was a towering presence in our forward line and kicked goals in fourteen of fifteen games. No player is bigger than the club, but if he isn't signed up again then we've got every right to crack the sads.
Paul Wheatley
Still a chance to get the bullet at the end of the year, but reinvigorated his career with a series of slashing performances down back after Mark Riley took over. I'll be very disappointed if he's not retained for 2008. Won the Demonblog Marcus Seecamp Medal for defender of the season despite playing just 14 games.
Jeff White
With no support the big man battled valiantly throughout the year, and was the only player to manage all 22 games. Has a couple more years left in him but will prove a massive hole to fill once he goes.
MISSES
The Fans
An already thin group of supporters jumped off at a million miles the moment it became clear that our bad start to the season wasn't going to be followed with a slashing comeback like the year before. Low points included almost being outdrawn by Freo fans at the MCG, and seeing no more than 20,000 show for Neitz's 300th. Watch the teenyboppers and other assorted swine clamber back on board when we start winning again - presumed to be somewhere around 2011.
Nathan Carroll
I like the guy, and I'm not doubting his intensity but if he's a premiership full back then I'm Ian Turpie. We can't afford to play him against the likes of Matthew Pavlich every week. His disposal isn't bad for a key defender but he needs to be the second line defender rather than the leader of the pack.
Aaron Davey
Here's a controversial one. Kicked 24 goals in 18 games but seems to be treading water in his career. Has been a great player over the last four seasons, but other than a handful of excursions into the centre he has not progressed Got himself suspended in ridiculous fashion against Brisbane in what was his best game of the year, before his hamstring went bang for the third time in four years late on and his season ended prematurely. Isn't going anywhere - and I'm not suggesting he should - but 2008 stands as a massive make-or-break year for Flash.
Ryan Ferguson
Who knows what to think about him. With just 47 games in five years, and without a particuarly memorable one since Rd. 1, 2005 you'd expect that he would have been in trouble had we a better backline. Makeweight status in trades notwithstanding he'll survive due to the lack of available defensive quality.
Mark Jamar
Simply not good enough. Gives away free kicks, handballs into the back of people's heads when he gets them himself, kicks the ball in the wrong direction etc.. Needs to be cut adrift.
Chris Johnson
Showed promise here and there, but after three years and just 21 games his chances must be running out. Might not survive the scrutiny of a new coach.
Paul Johnson
Played 16 games, but is not the backup for White that we need. Better than Jamar but still not the sort of player that is going to lead us anywhere. Wins another year on the list due to a lack of competition but will be playing for his life next year. Tried as a key forward at times and showed signs of life but needs to kick straight and present better if he's going to get anywhere. Ended up at full back during the Carlton game, which could prove a frightening portent of things to come in 2008.
Brad Miller
You've read it all on here a million times. It's not a personal vendetta, he's just not the CHF we need right now. It's all well and good to be waiting for him to breakout but he's played 91 games now and there are no more than a handful of memorable ones amongst them. Despite his major benefactor, ND, having left I expect he'll get another year to prove himself. Has the look and physical attributes to be a star, now all he needs is the smarts.
Brent Moloney
Frustratingly injury prone in the last two seasons. Appears as a 'miss' only because we're all waiting to see him back in his 2005 form. The question is whether it's ever going to happen.
Byron Pickett
Disgraced his legacy in the first half of the season before rehabilitating himself somewhat towards the end of the year. The experiment barely cost us anything over the two years, so you can't call it a failure but after a great second half of the year last season we could have expected more of him this year.
Matthew Warnock
Despite our well documented backline fiascos he doesn't appear to have a future at the club. May be the first player with senior experience to be axed at the end of the year. Played a respectable game against Port Adelaide this year but was then dropped and not seen again.
Adem Yze
Dropped for the first time in years after some rubbish form, and then injured for the first time in years when he returned. Probably past his best but will get another season on the list to prove us wrong. Can still bob up and kick enigmatic goals from the MCG carpark but his days of running riot in the midfield are long gone.
NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
Neale Daniher
He's got to take some shit for the state of our KPP, and the time was right for him to move on, but can you really hold any animosity towards a guy who watched his carefully assembled squad collapse around him at a million miles an hour as the season went on. If you go to work tomorrow and they sit you in front of an Apple IIE you're going to struggle as well so cut the guy some slack. Best of luck in the future, unless you're coaching against us and then I hope you get porked.
Dean Bailey
Has a decent list at his disposal but must be smart with drafting and trading if we're going to have any chance of success in the next couple of years.
Mark Riley
Though the team looked lost at times under his leadership, and his record was feathered with two wins against the loveable losers from Carlton, he still earned himself a respectable coaching record. Was never going to get the senior job on a full time basis but will hopefully play a big support role in the brave new Bailey era.
Clint Bartram
With luck like his he may as well change his name to Lee Walker and be done with it already. After playing 22 in a row to open his career he gets injured in the last game of the season before a finals campaign (remember those?) only to return in round one the next year, have five touches and neck himself for the rest of the season. Showed a lot of promise in his first year, here's hoping that he's not subjected to a career of black death injury plagues.
Clint Bizzell
Couldn't get a game until our season was already destroyed, and was subsequently dropped for another five weeks immediately afterwards. Played like a man who had missed an entire season, but showed enough upon his return to think that he would have at least been a chance to stay on the list for one more year given the relative weakness of our defence. Retired, and we wish him the best for the future.
Jace Bode
Showed some talent in his brief cameo at the end of the season, but with the full squad back next year will struggle for a game. Look forward to seeing him develop.
Cameron Bruce
When he played he was good, not great. Highlight was a 35 touch, 2 goal game against North Melbourne but he never stood out. We may be harsh judges of the game, especially given that we're fatter than a house, but you have to expect more from somebody of his quality. It's a harsh NHNT, but reputation counts in this forum.
Simon Buckley
Played six games, didn't particuarly impress but didn't look awful either. Will be back next year to try and consolidate on what he started this season.
James Frawley
Nine games for four wins, which by my reckoning makes him the most successful players on our list this year. Showed glimpses of form but needs to bulk up if he's going to play as a key defender - also has a frighteningly complex kicking action which you can see going horribly wrong once the opposition start studying it.
Colin Garland
Two games and didn't do anything in either of them, but coincidentally they both happened to be interstate games in which barely any teammates fired a shot either. This one's a work in progress.
Ben Holland
Frustratingly enigmatic he alternated between being completely shit, and a useful member of the squad. Was playing his best football in a Melbourne jumper when that big goof Anthony Rocca sat on him and put him out of action. Is never going to win us a premiership, but in an era when we're struggling for key position players at either end of the field it won't hurt to keep him on the list for one more year. Highlight of the season was probably the Collingwood game where despite committing four quarters of assault on Rocca he got away with it and helped us win.
Travis Johnstone
I'd almost have been tempted to paint him as a "miss" if it wouldn't lead to my house being blown to pieces. Yes, he is silky and yes he does add a 'touch of class' to our side but there is no doubting he has peaked. His touches result in more turnovers than anyone gives him credit for, and despite being handicapped by the traditionally shit kick-in systems we deploy I still cringe every time he goes to kick the ball back in after a behind. I want to see him play for us and become the absolute superstar that he threatened to be a few years ago, but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. If we get the right offer - especially one involving a key position player - I say take it, even if it will lead to the biggest outpouring of shambolic grief since we traded Woewodin. There is NO PLACE FOR SENTIMENT IN FOOTBALL. Are we trying to win a flag or make friends?
Brock McLean
Nobbled by injury just a quarter into the season he showed flashes of brilliance upon his return, but needs to do more next year. With Jones improving at a rapid rate this year and presumably attracting more attention next season the path should clear a bit for Brock to run riot and show us what he's made of. For somebody touted as a future captain he did have a couple of brain explosions throughout the season but there's no doubt that he's 110% behind the club and will be an important part of it for years to come. 2008 promises to be an interesting one.
David Neitz
Physically struggling but still an imposing presence in our squad. Even if he has to be propped in a wheelchair in the goal square, and is only expected to stand up and charge out a couple of times a quarter we're better with him out there but you've got to question how much he's got left in him. Next year is certain, but whether he can make it the full 22 rounds (plus finals? Surely you jest?) is anybody's guess. Had his worst season goal tally since 2000, but if he can stay on the park he's still a valuable cog in the machine. The emergence of Newton will remove the burden somewhat next year, but we can't expect him to turn around and put 50 on the board without a series of remarkable medical breakthroughs.
Heath Neville
No idea. You tell me.
Jared Rivers
Plagued by injury, but looked good when he did play. Despite being a Rising Star award winner he's still criminally underrated by our fans, and his marking in the backline is a feature of his game when he plays. Another one who is primed for a massive 2008 if he stays fit.
Colin Sylvia
Showed a bit, but not what you'd expect from a #3 selection. You wouldn't be entirely adverse to trading him in the right offer came in, but what are you going to get for a high draft pick who has shown little more than glimpses of stardom in four years? Better to persist and hope that he has a breakout season next year. With over 50 games on the board it's time for him to really shine.
Daniel Ward
Skates perilously close to a miss. I've supported him in the past but I think it's time to move on now - having said that I didn't think he was awful this year, but somebody needs to make way for the draft picks and unfortunately for Wardy he doesn't seem to have a huge future, so he might be the one. If he does survive we'd like to see him try and top the ridiculous moustache that he sported in this year's profile picture.
Isaac Weetra
Took Philthy's number. Played as many games this year as his predecessor.
Matthew Whelan
Blighted by injury and played just five games. Another criminally underrated member of our defensive unit who we missed throughout the year. Will hopefully bounce back next season and play a vital role.
Top 5 Highlights of 2008
1. The final siren against Adelaide. One win felt like a Grand Final.
2. Juice Newton's award winning mark.
3. The comprehensive demolition job
4. Yze's goal from Row Z against Fremantle.
5. Robbo's rampage against the Pies, including a goal after the siren when he was having beer cans lobbed at him by bogans.
The lowlights..
1. The loss against North
2. The loss against Port
3. Losing to Richmond after two weeks of wins had started to restore self confidence
4. Brock necking himself in the first quarter of the first game
5. Seeing Daniher's final game snatched from us with six seconds left.
The Wishlist
A FB, CHB, CHF and a speedy midfielder. I'll take two of the four as long as they're both KPP.
Final report
I hate footy. Stay tuned for more throughout the offseason (this time I promise it will happen), and more of the same wrist slashing nihilism in '08.
Matthew Bate
Some questions remain, most centering around whether or not he can play as a true CHF, but he showed heart throughout the year and impressed up front kicking 19 goals in as many games. Definately a required player in years to come, but the question of where he will be most effective will be one of the most important for Bailey in the next couple of years.
Daniel Bell
Went from a fringe player to a key member of the defence. Was having a great season before being mowed down by Ben Johnson against Collingwood. In the absence of Nathan Brown next season he will be a crucial cog in an undersized backline.
Nathan Brown
Threw himself around across the last six weeks of the season like somebody who had nothing to lose, and then proved it by retiring after the last game. His skills may have been on the slide but there's nobody who could deny that he wasn't going 110% every time he went near the thing throughout the year. His kamikaze attack on the ball, and his opponents, will be sorely missed.
Lynden Dunn
Unbelievably couldn't get a game at times despite a promising debut season, but showed progress when he did play. Three goals against Fremantle first up was his attacking highlight, but also played a role as a tagger occasionally - most notably when he destroyed Chad Cornes in the second half of our narrow loss to Port Adelaide. An interesting year awaits in '08.
Simon Godfrey
A hundred games into his career, and unlikely to last much longer, but had a respectable season as a tagger. Played a couple of great games, and gave us more than we could possibly have imagined in the pre-season. Also provided a handy punching bag for the likes of Adam Goodes and Scott West throughout the year - he might not have the ball skills but he's obviously a master at annoying people.
Brad Green
Repeatedly talked about by fans when it comes to trade talk, Green had a great year in the midfield, and despite playing the least games of any of his eight AFL seasons rode high in our "Player of the Year" voting for most of the season. The highlight was undoubtedly 37 touches against the Crows, but in the shower of shit that was our season his output was more than respectable.
Nathan Jones
The New Next Big Thing (NNBT) enjoyed third place in the Rising Star award on the back of a sensational season that should see him run top 3 in the B&F in just his second season. Undoubtedly a star of the future, and brings a fury to our midfield that we need if we're any hope of bouncing straight back into the 8 next season. We we wait with interest to see how he will cope with the increased attention that he'll suffer next season.
James McDonald
Star. The most consistent performer in the side, and would be a worthy winner of his second B&F in a row. Never failed to have less than 15 disposals a game, and added two 10+ tackle games to the tally as well. One of the most important players on the list, and probably has two good seasons left in him.
Michael Newton
Ironically for a guy who probably would have been delisted if we'd had a good season the Juice has not only become a first team player but could also take home Mark of the Year. In a team where history has proven that when David Neitz is out we struggle to kick goals we hadn't developed a forward prospect who even moderately looked like replacing him - and we're not saying Newton will play 300 games but he certainly looks like a good goalkicking prospect. With ten games of experience behind him, and a few interesting cameos on the wing, it'll be interesting to see how Juice fits in to Bailey's plans for '08.
Ricky Petterd
Was showing some real class before his near-death experience against Carlton. Nine games into his career there's plenty to suggest that if he can stay clear of deadly scenarios on the field that he'll be a quality player in years to come.
Russell Robertson
Padded his figures with a couple of big bags, but despite playing his least games since 1999 he was a towering presence in our forward line and kicked goals in fourteen of fifteen games. No player is bigger than the club, but if he isn't signed up again then we've got every right to crack the sads.
Paul Wheatley
Still a chance to get the bullet at the end of the year, but reinvigorated his career with a series of slashing performances down back after Mark Riley took over. I'll be very disappointed if he's not retained for 2008. Won the Demonblog Marcus Seecamp Medal for defender of the season despite playing just 14 games.
Jeff White
With no support the big man battled valiantly throughout the year, and was the only player to manage all 22 games. Has a couple more years left in him but will prove a massive hole to fill once he goes.
MISSES
The Fans
An already thin group of supporters jumped off at a million miles the moment it became clear that our bad start to the season wasn't going to be followed with a slashing comeback like the year before. Low points included almost being outdrawn by Freo fans at the MCG, and seeing no more than 20,000 show for Neitz's 300th. Watch the teenyboppers and other assorted swine clamber back on board when we start winning again - presumed to be somewhere around 2011.
Nathan Carroll
I like the guy, and I'm not doubting his intensity but if he's a premiership full back then I'm Ian Turpie. We can't afford to play him against the likes of Matthew Pavlich every week. His disposal isn't bad for a key defender but he needs to be the second line defender rather than the leader of the pack.
Aaron Davey
Here's a controversial one. Kicked 24 goals in 18 games but seems to be treading water in his career. Has been a great player over the last four seasons, but other than a handful of excursions into the centre he has not progressed Got himself suspended in ridiculous fashion against Brisbane in what was his best game of the year, before his hamstring went bang for the third time in four years late on and his season ended prematurely. Isn't going anywhere - and I'm not suggesting he should - but 2008 stands as a massive make-or-break year for Flash.
Ryan Ferguson
Who knows what to think about him. With just 47 games in five years, and without a particuarly memorable one since Rd. 1, 2005 you'd expect that he would have been in trouble had we a better backline. Makeweight status in trades notwithstanding he'll survive due to the lack of available defensive quality.
Mark Jamar
Simply not good enough. Gives away free kicks, handballs into the back of people's heads when he gets them himself, kicks the ball in the wrong direction etc.. Needs to be cut adrift.
Chris Johnson
Showed promise here and there, but after three years and just 21 games his chances must be running out. Might not survive the scrutiny of a new coach.
Paul Johnson
Played 16 games, but is not the backup for White that we need. Better than Jamar but still not the sort of player that is going to lead us anywhere. Wins another year on the list due to a lack of competition but will be playing for his life next year. Tried as a key forward at times and showed signs of life but needs to kick straight and present better if he's going to get anywhere. Ended up at full back during the Carlton game, which could prove a frightening portent of things to come in 2008.
Brad Miller
You've read it all on here a million times. It's not a personal vendetta, he's just not the CHF we need right now. It's all well and good to be waiting for him to breakout but he's played 91 games now and there are no more than a handful of memorable ones amongst them. Despite his major benefactor, ND, having left I expect he'll get another year to prove himself. Has the look and physical attributes to be a star, now all he needs is the smarts.
Brent Moloney
Frustratingly injury prone in the last two seasons. Appears as a 'miss' only because we're all waiting to see him back in his 2005 form. The question is whether it's ever going to happen.
Byron Pickett
Disgraced his legacy in the first half of the season before rehabilitating himself somewhat towards the end of the year. The experiment barely cost us anything over the two years, so you can't call it a failure but after a great second half of the year last season we could have expected more of him this year.
Matthew Warnock
Despite our well documented backline fiascos he doesn't appear to have a future at the club. May be the first player with senior experience to be axed at the end of the year. Played a respectable game against Port Adelaide this year but was then dropped and not seen again.
Adem Yze
Dropped for the first time in years after some rubbish form, and then injured for the first time in years when he returned. Probably past his best but will get another season on the list to prove us wrong. Can still bob up and kick enigmatic goals from the MCG carpark but his days of running riot in the midfield are long gone.
NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
Neale Daniher
He's got to take some shit for the state of our KPP, and the time was right for him to move on, but can you really hold any animosity towards a guy who watched his carefully assembled squad collapse around him at a million miles an hour as the season went on. If you go to work tomorrow and they sit you in front of an Apple IIE you're going to struggle as well so cut the guy some slack. Best of luck in the future, unless you're coaching against us and then I hope you get porked.
Dean Bailey
Has a decent list at his disposal but must be smart with drafting and trading if we're going to have any chance of success in the next couple of years.
Mark Riley
Though the team looked lost at times under his leadership, and his record was feathered with two wins against the loveable losers from Carlton, he still earned himself a respectable coaching record. Was never going to get the senior job on a full time basis but will hopefully play a big support role in the brave new Bailey era.
Clint Bartram
With luck like his he may as well change his name to Lee Walker and be done with it already. After playing 22 in a row to open his career he gets injured in the last game of the season before a finals campaign (remember those?) only to return in round one the next year, have five touches and neck himself for the rest of the season. Showed a lot of promise in his first year, here's hoping that he's not subjected to a career of black death injury plagues.
Clint Bizzell
Couldn't get a game until our season was already destroyed, and was subsequently dropped for another five weeks immediately afterwards. Played like a man who had missed an entire season, but showed enough upon his return to think that he would have at least been a chance to stay on the list for one more year given the relative weakness of our defence. Retired, and we wish him the best for the future.
Jace Bode
Showed some talent in his brief cameo at the end of the season, but with the full squad back next year will struggle for a game. Look forward to seeing him develop.
Cameron Bruce
When he played he was good, not great. Highlight was a 35 touch, 2 goal game against North Melbourne but he never stood out. We may be harsh judges of the game, especially given that we're fatter than a house, but you have to expect more from somebody of his quality. It's a harsh NHNT, but reputation counts in this forum.
Simon Buckley
Played six games, didn't particuarly impress but didn't look awful either. Will be back next year to try and consolidate on what he started this season.
James Frawley
Nine games for four wins, which by my reckoning makes him the most successful players on our list this year. Showed glimpses of form but needs to bulk up if he's going to play as a key defender - also has a frighteningly complex kicking action which you can see going horribly wrong once the opposition start studying it.
Colin Garland
Two games and didn't do anything in either of them, but coincidentally they both happened to be interstate games in which barely any teammates fired a shot either. This one's a work in progress.
Ben Holland
Frustratingly enigmatic he alternated between being completely shit, and a useful member of the squad. Was playing his best football in a Melbourne jumper when that big goof Anthony Rocca sat on him and put him out of action. Is never going to win us a premiership, but in an era when we're struggling for key position players at either end of the field it won't hurt to keep him on the list for one more year. Highlight of the season was probably the Collingwood game where despite committing four quarters of assault on Rocca he got away with it and helped us win.
Travis Johnstone
I'd almost have been tempted to paint him as a "miss" if it wouldn't lead to my house being blown to pieces. Yes, he is silky and yes he does add a 'touch of class' to our side but there is no doubting he has peaked. His touches result in more turnovers than anyone gives him credit for, and despite being handicapped by the traditionally shit kick-in systems we deploy I still cringe every time he goes to kick the ball back in after a behind. I want to see him play for us and become the absolute superstar that he threatened to be a few years ago, but I'm afraid it's not going to happen. If we get the right offer - especially one involving a key position player - I say take it, even if it will lead to the biggest outpouring of shambolic grief since we traded Woewodin. There is NO PLACE FOR SENTIMENT IN FOOTBALL. Are we trying to win a flag or make friends?
Brock McLean
Nobbled by injury just a quarter into the season he showed flashes of brilliance upon his return, but needs to do more next year. With Jones improving at a rapid rate this year and presumably attracting more attention next season the path should clear a bit for Brock to run riot and show us what he's made of. For somebody touted as a future captain he did have a couple of brain explosions throughout the season but there's no doubt that he's 110% behind the club and will be an important part of it for years to come. 2008 promises to be an interesting one.
David Neitz
Physically struggling but still an imposing presence in our squad. Even if he has to be propped in a wheelchair in the goal square, and is only expected to stand up and charge out a couple of times a quarter we're better with him out there but you've got to question how much he's got left in him. Next year is certain, but whether he can make it the full 22 rounds (plus finals? Surely you jest?) is anybody's guess. Had his worst season goal tally since 2000, but if he can stay on the park he's still a valuable cog in the machine. The emergence of Newton will remove the burden somewhat next year, but we can't expect him to turn around and put 50 on the board without a series of remarkable medical breakthroughs.
Heath Neville
No idea. You tell me.
Jared Rivers
Plagued by injury, but looked good when he did play. Despite being a Rising Star award winner he's still criminally underrated by our fans, and his marking in the backline is a feature of his game when he plays. Another one who is primed for a massive 2008 if he stays fit.
Colin Sylvia
Showed a bit, but not what you'd expect from a #3 selection. You wouldn't be entirely adverse to trading him in the right offer came in, but what are you going to get for a high draft pick who has shown little more than glimpses of stardom in four years? Better to persist and hope that he has a breakout season next year. With over 50 games on the board it's time for him to really shine.
Daniel Ward
Skates perilously close to a miss. I've supported him in the past but I think it's time to move on now - having said that I didn't think he was awful this year, but somebody needs to make way for the draft picks and unfortunately for Wardy he doesn't seem to have a huge future, so he might be the one. If he does survive we'd like to see him try and top the ridiculous moustache that he sported in this year's profile picture.
Isaac Weetra
Took Philthy's number. Played as many games this year as his predecessor.
Matthew Whelan
Blighted by injury and played just five games. Another criminally underrated member of our defensive unit who we missed throughout the year. Will hopefully bounce back next season and play a vital role.
Top 5 Highlights of 2008
1. The final siren against Adelaide. One win felt like a Grand Final.
2. Juice Newton's award winning mark.
3. The comprehensive demolition job
4. Yze's goal from Row Z against Fremantle.
5. Robbo's rampage against the Pies, including a goal after the siren when he was having beer cans lobbed at him by bogans.
The lowlights..
1. The loss against North
2. The loss against Port
3. Losing to Richmond after two weeks of wins had started to restore self confidence
4. Brock necking himself in the first quarter of the first game
5. Seeing Daniher's final game snatched from us with six seconds left.
The Wishlist
A FB, CHB, CHF and a speedy midfielder. I'll take two of the four as long as they're both KPP.
Final report
I hate footy. Stay tuned for more throughout the offseason (this time I promise it will happen), and more of the same wrist slashing nihilism in '08.
Wednesday, 5 September 2007
Every Day Is Like Sunday: Year In Review
Round 1 vs St. Kilda or "Give Me My Friday Night Back"
Where we lost to St. Kilda and made the prophetic statement "Yes, it's going to be one of those years", after Brock necked himself in the first quarter.
Vote Leader: Neitz (5)
Round 2 vs Hawthorn or "Marjorie Wilson Appreciation Day
Where we gave up a massive start to Hawthorn and almost nailed them in the last quarter before falling apart again and I started to question ND's tenure as coach.
Vote Leader: McDonald (8)
Round 3 vs Geelong or "My Brain Hurts"
Where I discovered that our entire lineup were gumbies, that I hated sports and that we had no fans left.
Vote Leader: McDonald/Bruce (11)
Round 4 vs Fremantle or "Dia De Los Muertos" (Day Of The Dead)
Where everybody else discovered we didn't have any fans either, and to the consternation of fantasy football players everywhere Matthew Pavlich failed to kick 19 despite having chances to do so.
Vote Leader: McDonald/Bruce (11)
Round 5 vs Sydney or "Road Trip Rage"
Where our guest reporter Tom discovered that the family atmosphere at the SCG was rubbish, and that you should never compare Steven Tingay to Darren Kowal in front of a Febey twin.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 6 vs Port Adelaide or "The Spanish Inquisition"
Where we almost broke our losing streak, and I lost the plot with AFL football in one of the biggest sprays of all time. We lost the game, I lost the plot and so it went on. For those of you reading in the future we were zero and fucking six by this point.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 7 vs Footscray or "Watching The Defectives"
Where we lost another close one but apart from punching the ground and almost breaking my hand I felt strangely zen about the whole thing.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 8 vs West Coast or "Throwing yourself off tall buildings is fun"
Where I cracked the shits, wrote the worst report of all time and refused to post a votes leaderboard due to my angst. Peter M later chipped in with a real report, tastefully entitled "Rack up the lines, we're off to Subi"
Vote Leader: Would have been McDonald on 15 had we bothered to do a leaderboard.
Round 9 vs North Melbourne or "Beat Me, Hurt Me"
Where we lost a thriller in the last couple of minutes again, and I had a nervous breakdown which led me to write one of the most bizarre reports of all time featuring mentions of Sylvia Plath and Vichy France.
Vote Leader: Bruce (16)
Round 10 vs Adelaide or "We Fought The War, And We Won (a game..)"
Where we finally won a game (IN JUNE FOR FUCK SAKE) and unbridled joy ran riot at the MCG. It was honestly like we'd won the Grand Final, not limped to 1-9.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 11 vs Collingwood or "From the Rubble to the Ritz"
Where we won two in a row, Robbo ran riot, Pies fans blamed the umpires for everything despite getting more free kicks and people started to think that we'd turned the corner and were going to win the flag.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 12 vs Richmond or "Why bother?"
Where it all came crashing down in a screaming heap during a second quarter that was described by David Stratton of the Movie Show as "an excremental zero star performance that nobody should ever be forced to sit through again without access to hard drugs and a suicide machine".
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 13 vs Essendon or "The hits just keep on coming"
Where Neale Daniher quit and almost got the send off a lifetime until we lost with six seconds left in the match. We also saw the debut of the cult hero of the millenium one Mr.MJ Newton.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 14 vs Carlton
Where I was overseas listening to the game from a Bangkok internet cafe and missed us actually winning. Instead I got to see the Australian soccer team lose instead - inept bastards.
Round 15 vs Brisbane
Where I extracted myself from a dodgy Thai taxi driver in time to get to an internet cafe at the 20m mark of the first quarter, only to find out that we were 40-0 now. Cuntarific!
Round 16 vs North Melbourne or "Notes From A Scandal"
Where we were played off the park in front of about 13 people in Jeff White's 250th, and I tried to lobby (ultimately unsuccessfully) for Dean Laidley to be appointed as coach.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 17 vs Port Adelaide or "Character Assasination"
Where we went to Adelaide and got massacred whilst wearing a "clash strip" that actually clashed more with the opposition than our normal one would have. For the first time in a decade we went 100 points down before recovering for a "respectable" 80 something point loss. Adam almost slashes wrists in loungeroom while watching.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 18 vs Sydney or "Roadtrip Fever"
Where I went to Manuka and wrote a report before totally forgotting to post it. Therefore the above link is it's world premiere.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 19 vs Footscray or "Saturday Night Fever"
Where Ben Holland ran riot up front, and we handed out a spanking to a completely mediocre side in Russell Robertson's 200th in front of another abysmal crowd.
Vote Leader: Jones (29)
Round 20 vs Collingwood or "We could have been a contender"
Where we suffered the biggest injury crisis in recorded history and yet still almost managed to mow Collingwood down from 40 points behind. There were spontaneous outbursts of pride amongst our fans at the showing - except that 90% of our fans didn't bother to show up even though it was Neitz's 300th because they're spineless dogs.
Vote Leader: McDonald (32)
Round 21 vs Fremantle or "Super Saturday Slops"
Where we went to Perth and were competitive for the first 20 minutes before falling apart like a Russian apartment block and completely embarassing ourselves again.
Vote Leader: McDonald, Green, Jones (32)
Round 22 vs Carlton or "Thank god that's over. When does next year start?"
Where despite playing an absymal team of rejects who didn't actually want to win we showed enough to provide optimism for next year, and to send Biz, Brown and Pickett off in the right fashion
Vote Winner: Jones (34)
Where we lost to St. Kilda and made the prophetic statement "Yes, it's going to be one of those years", after Brock necked himself in the first quarter.
Vote Leader: Neitz (5)
Round 2 vs Hawthorn or "Marjorie Wilson Appreciation Day
Where we gave up a massive start to Hawthorn and almost nailed them in the last quarter before falling apart again and I started to question ND's tenure as coach.
Vote Leader: McDonald (8)
Round 3 vs Geelong or "My Brain Hurts"
Where I discovered that our entire lineup were gumbies, that I hated sports and that we had no fans left.
Vote Leader: McDonald/Bruce (11)
Round 4 vs Fremantle or "Dia De Los Muertos" (Day Of The Dead)
Where everybody else discovered we didn't have any fans either, and to the consternation of fantasy football players everywhere Matthew Pavlich failed to kick 19 despite having chances to do so.
Vote Leader: McDonald/Bruce (11)
Round 5 vs Sydney or "Road Trip Rage"
Where our guest reporter Tom discovered that the family atmosphere at the SCG was rubbish, and that you should never compare Steven Tingay to Darren Kowal in front of a Febey twin.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 6 vs Port Adelaide or "The Spanish Inquisition"
Where we almost broke our losing streak, and I lost the plot with AFL football in one of the biggest sprays of all time. We lost the game, I lost the plot and so it went on. For those of you reading in the future we were zero and fucking six by this point.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 7 vs Footscray or "Watching The Defectives"
Where we lost another close one but apart from punching the ground and almost breaking my hand I felt strangely zen about the whole thing.
Vote Leader: McDonald (12)
Round 8 vs West Coast or "Throwing yourself off tall buildings is fun"
Where I cracked the shits, wrote the worst report of all time and refused to post a votes leaderboard due to my angst. Peter M later chipped in with a real report, tastefully entitled "Rack up the lines, we're off to Subi"
Vote Leader: Would have been McDonald on 15 had we bothered to do a leaderboard.
Round 9 vs North Melbourne or "Beat Me, Hurt Me"
Where we lost a thriller in the last couple of minutes again, and I had a nervous breakdown which led me to write one of the most bizarre reports of all time featuring mentions of Sylvia Plath and Vichy France.
Vote Leader: Bruce (16)
Round 10 vs Adelaide or "We Fought The War, And We Won (a game..)"
Where we finally won a game (IN JUNE FOR FUCK SAKE) and unbridled joy ran riot at the MCG. It was honestly like we'd won the Grand Final, not limped to 1-9.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 11 vs Collingwood or "From the Rubble to the Ritz"
Where we won two in a row, Robbo ran riot, Pies fans blamed the umpires for everything despite getting more free kicks and people started to think that we'd turned the corner and were going to win the flag.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 12 vs Richmond or "Why bother?"
Where it all came crashing down in a screaming heap during a second quarter that was described by David Stratton of the Movie Show as "an excremental zero star performance that nobody should ever be forced to sit through again without access to hard drugs and a suicide machine".
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 13 vs Essendon or "The hits just keep on coming"
Where Neale Daniher quit and almost got the send off a lifetime until we lost with six seconds left in the match. We also saw the debut of the cult hero of the millenium one Mr.MJ Newton.
Vote Leader: Bruce (19)
Round 14 vs Carlton
Where I was overseas listening to the game from a Bangkok internet cafe and missed us actually winning. Instead I got to see the Australian soccer team lose instead - inept bastards.
Round 15 vs Brisbane
Where I extracted myself from a dodgy Thai taxi driver in time to get to an internet cafe at the 20m mark of the first quarter, only to find out that we were 40-0 now. Cuntarific!
Round 16 vs North Melbourne or "Notes From A Scandal"
Where we were played off the park in front of about 13 people in Jeff White's 250th, and I tried to lobby (ultimately unsuccessfully) for Dean Laidley to be appointed as coach.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 17 vs Port Adelaide or "Character Assasination"
Where we went to Adelaide and got massacred whilst wearing a "clash strip" that actually clashed more with the opposition than our normal one would have. For the first time in a decade we went 100 points down before recovering for a "respectable" 80 something point loss. Adam almost slashes wrists in loungeroom while watching.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 18 vs Sydney or "Roadtrip Fever"
Where I went to Manuka and wrote a report before totally forgotting to post it. Therefore the above link is it's world premiere.
Vote Leader: McDonald (27)
Round 19 vs Footscray or "Saturday Night Fever"
Where Ben Holland ran riot up front, and we handed out a spanking to a completely mediocre side in Russell Robertson's 200th in front of another abysmal crowd.
Vote Leader: Jones (29)
Round 20 vs Collingwood or "We could have been a contender"
Where we suffered the biggest injury crisis in recorded history and yet still almost managed to mow Collingwood down from 40 points behind. There were spontaneous outbursts of pride amongst our fans at the showing - except that 90% of our fans didn't bother to show up even though it was Neitz's 300th because they're spineless dogs.
Vote Leader: McDonald (32)
Round 21 vs Fremantle or "Super Saturday Slops"
Where we went to Perth and were competitive for the first 20 minutes before falling apart like a Russian apartment block and completely embarassing ourselves again.
Vote Leader: McDonald, Green, Jones (32)
Round 22 vs Carlton or "Thank god that's over. When does next year start?"
Where despite playing an absymal team of rejects who didn't actually want to win we showed enough to provide optimism for next year, and to send Biz, Brown and Pickett off in the right fashion
Vote Winner: Jones (34)
Sunday, 2 September 2007
Thank god that's over. When does next year start?
So, another season of wasted dreams comes to an end. At least in one of the rarest occurances in VFL/AFL history both sets of fans left the stadium happy tonight - we realised that being a couple of draft picks higher in the order is essentially fruitless and sent Bizzell, Pickett and Brown off in great fashion, and the spineless dogs on the other side of the ledger got to punt against their own side and get a prized draft pick.
After an early scare for everyone when Lance Whitnall was taking marks inside 50 at will we all realised that he couldn't kick straight if his life depended on it and while they racked up behinds left, right and centre we banged on seven at the other end without reply. The dream scenario of beating them by so much that it went from a triumph to a humiliation was starting to look like it was in with a chance until they decided to show some fight at the end of the first and the start of the second. Travis Johnstone was running around getting possessions at will, Nathan Jones was cleaning everything out of the centre, Jamar was enjoying his best game of the season (albeit against a ruck division with less prospects for 2008 than Fitzroy), and Miller was playing a good game against a defence with a combined age of 13.
The game ebbed and flowed a couple of times but it pretty much remained the same, somewhere between 20 and 40 points. The players on both sides were trying to win, but it was obvious that only half of the fans really cared. Thankfully none of our fans were stupid enough to be sitting there punting the enemy home but the Carlton fans certainly were. Calling for holding-the-balls on your own team is such an obvious gag that it's always going to get some reaction. When you do it once it's funny, when you do it for four quarter it's fucking irritating you twat. I condemn these people to the same circle of hell that will have the people who ironically demand deliberate for everything for the rest of the game after their team has copped it once.
Juice Newton will enjoy an extended pre-season break after nailing one of the Carlton players with a perfectly pointless bump to the back after he'd marked. In Benny Hill style scenes one of the umpires then reversed the free after a melee and tried to award Juice a 50 before somebody else stepped in and pointed out that he'd just run through a guy at a million miles an hour and been reported for it, so Carlton had better take the free. Speaking of frees is it some kind of record that we didn't score one until halfway through the second quarter? I didn't think they missed too much, and it wasn't hurting us on the scoreboard but it was an unusual stat.
Meanwhile if I were a Carlton fan I'd be worried that Kreuzer was going to neck himself rather than be forced to play for them, because they were a rabble. I know they're all about 13 years old, and that they've got Stevens and Fevola to come back but let's hope for everyone's amusement that they manage to somehow keep wrecking themselves and subjecting us to the grim spectacle of chucking an entire second half of the season year after year.
Crowd Watch
Not sure how 26000 ended up showing. 30 minutes before the first bounce there would have been no more than 5000 in the ground. Ross "arrive early to avoid disappointment" Oakley would have been slashing his wrists. Except that every Melbourne fan is already used to disappointment anyway so we tend to rock up at the last minute as a matter of principle.
In a final example of what a crazy night it was, as we were walking out some granny in a Carlton scarf started with something along the lines of "arghh I thought Robertson was supposed to be good. He only kicked five goals". Obviously she'd hobbled out to put her false teeth in before he nailed his sixth on the siren, but I was so speechless at this random and nonsensical commentary that I never even managed to tell her to piss off and take her medication. All I managed was a casual "What do you want him to do next time? Kick 15?" This is probably for the best, as the last time I verbally abused a senior citizen at Waverley Park in Round 2, 1999 I was almost beaten to death by a platoon of St. Kilda fans.
Congratulations also to the Carlton cheersquad for belting out their song after they'd lost, and proving once and for all why cheersquads of all persuasions should be taken into Port Phillip Bay in a boat and then sunk.
So it's farewell to the Brown Dog, Bizz and Choppy Pickett. Obviously Browny spent the longest with the club, and has been an inspirational figure with his courage. Word is that he's going back to Adelaide for good, which is a shame because he would have been great to have around the club in some capacity and we'll miss him, but you may as well go out playing decent football rather than exiled in the seconds.
Clint Bizzell played a great role in defence over the years. He missed last year entirely, and was in and out of the team this year but provided a vital part of our (relatively) successful 2004/05 squads. A genuinely nice guy who will be missed.
Finally Byron spent the least time with us of the three retirees, but for a guy who was almost universally loathed by our fans when he played for Port, and who showed at the club with an arse bigger than Greenland he won our hearts. The writing was on the wall the moment he was dropped midway through the year, but his mere presence in our squad has been positive over the last couple of years. Having said that it's strange to farewell somebody who has won two flags, and played most of his senior football at other clubs. You almost expected him to rip off the MFC jumper and have a North/Port version underneath.
Good luck to all the boys in whatever they choose to do next.
Finally, a big vote of thanks to Mark Riley as well. I was critical of the team's direction in a couple of matches but I like the guy's attitude and I hope he stays around and plays a big role under the Bailey Adminstration.
Votes
A crucial set of choices given the traffic jam at the top of the leaderboard, but we're happy to say that somebody has snuck in for a vote tonight and taken this year's title home.
5 - Johnstone
4 - Robertson
3 - Jones
2 - McLean
1 - Miller
Apologies to Bate, Bode, Brown, Bruce, Dunn, Green, Chris Johnson, Newton and White.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal - Final Results
34 - Jones
32 - McDonald
32 - Green
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
17 - Johnstone
16 - White
16 - Wheatley
15 - McLean
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
10 - Brown
10 - Robertson
9 - Neitz
9 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd
5 - Newton
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Nathan joins previous winners Travis Johnstone (2005) and Brock McLean (2006) in capturing the most prestigious award in world sports. Congratulations to this exciting new superstar, and we're sure there are many more honors to come in his career.
In other news Paul Wheatley captures his first Marcus Seecamp Award for defender of the year, joining Nathan Carroll/Ryan Ferguson (2005) and Jared Rivers (2006) on the honor roll, whilst Ricky Petterd and Juice Newton share the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award, which was won by Matthew Bate in 2006.
Next Week
Demonblog will have a year-in-review post collection and a hits/misses/neither here nor there analysis of the squad before presumably buggering off again all summer and leaving the impression that the whole site has been shut down. Hopefully I can climb off my ass at some point to cover delistings, draft and trade week. Then it's smooth sailing again until the glorious pre-season and our inevitable Bailey-led revival in '08.
Apparently there's some kind of finals series on in the next few weeks. Bollocks to that, I'd rather play Club Cluedo and try and guess which one of our players will make headlines on Mad Monday. I'll go for Nathan Carroll with the fire extinguisher in Bar 20.
Next Year
We do have a frightening amount of people to come back... And if we don't re-sign Robertson I'll have a nervous breakdown.
After an early scare for everyone when Lance Whitnall was taking marks inside 50 at will we all realised that he couldn't kick straight if his life depended on it and while they racked up behinds left, right and centre we banged on seven at the other end without reply. The dream scenario of beating them by so much that it went from a triumph to a humiliation was starting to look like it was in with a chance until they decided to show some fight at the end of the first and the start of the second. Travis Johnstone was running around getting possessions at will, Nathan Jones was cleaning everything out of the centre, Jamar was enjoying his best game of the season (albeit against a ruck division with less prospects for 2008 than Fitzroy), and Miller was playing a good game against a defence with a combined age of 13.
The game ebbed and flowed a couple of times but it pretty much remained the same, somewhere between 20 and 40 points. The players on both sides were trying to win, but it was obvious that only half of the fans really cared. Thankfully none of our fans were stupid enough to be sitting there punting the enemy home but the Carlton fans certainly were. Calling for holding-the-balls on your own team is such an obvious gag that it's always going to get some reaction. When you do it once it's funny, when you do it for four quarter it's fucking irritating you twat. I condemn these people to the same circle of hell that will have the people who ironically demand deliberate for everything for the rest of the game after their team has copped it once.
Juice Newton will enjoy an extended pre-season break after nailing one of the Carlton players with a perfectly pointless bump to the back after he'd marked. In Benny Hill style scenes one of the umpires then reversed the free after a melee and tried to award Juice a 50 before somebody else stepped in and pointed out that he'd just run through a guy at a million miles an hour and been reported for it, so Carlton had better take the free. Speaking of frees is it some kind of record that we didn't score one until halfway through the second quarter? I didn't think they missed too much, and it wasn't hurting us on the scoreboard but it was an unusual stat.
Meanwhile if I were a Carlton fan I'd be worried that Kreuzer was going to neck himself rather than be forced to play for them, because they were a rabble. I know they're all about 13 years old, and that they've got Stevens and Fevola to come back but let's hope for everyone's amusement that they manage to somehow keep wrecking themselves and subjecting us to the grim spectacle of chucking an entire second half of the season year after year.
Crowd Watch
Not sure how 26000 ended up showing. 30 minutes before the first bounce there would have been no more than 5000 in the ground. Ross "arrive early to avoid disappointment" Oakley would have been slashing his wrists. Except that every Melbourne fan is already used to disappointment anyway so we tend to rock up at the last minute as a matter of principle.
In a final example of what a crazy night it was, as we were walking out some granny in a Carlton scarf started with something along the lines of "arghh I thought Robertson was supposed to be good. He only kicked five goals". Obviously she'd hobbled out to put her false teeth in before he nailed his sixth on the siren, but I was so speechless at this random and nonsensical commentary that I never even managed to tell her to piss off and take her medication. All I managed was a casual "What do you want him to do next time? Kick 15?" This is probably for the best, as the last time I verbally abused a senior citizen at Waverley Park in Round 2, 1999 I was almost beaten to death by a platoon of St. Kilda fans.
Congratulations also to the Carlton cheersquad for belting out their song after they'd lost, and proving once and for all why cheersquads of all persuasions should be taken into Port Phillip Bay in a boat and then sunk.
So it's farewell to the Brown Dog, Bizz and Choppy Pickett. Obviously Browny spent the longest with the club, and has been an inspirational figure with his courage. Word is that he's going back to Adelaide for good, which is a shame because he would have been great to have around the club in some capacity and we'll miss him, but you may as well go out playing decent football rather than exiled in the seconds.
Clint Bizzell played a great role in defence over the years. He missed last year entirely, and was in and out of the team this year but provided a vital part of our (relatively) successful 2004/05 squads. A genuinely nice guy who will be missed.
Finally Byron spent the least time with us of the three retirees, but for a guy who was almost universally loathed by our fans when he played for Port, and who showed at the club with an arse bigger than Greenland he won our hearts. The writing was on the wall the moment he was dropped midway through the year, but his mere presence in our squad has been positive over the last couple of years. Having said that it's strange to farewell somebody who has won two flags, and played most of his senior football at other clubs. You almost expected him to rip off the MFC jumper and have a North/Port version underneath.
Good luck to all the boys in whatever they choose to do next.
Finally, a big vote of thanks to Mark Riley as well. I was critical of the team's direction in a couple of matches but I like the guy's attitude and I hope he stays around and plays a big role under the Bailey Adminstration.
Votes
A crucial set of choices given the traffic jam at the top of the leaderboard, but we're happy to say that somebody has snuck in for a vote tonight and taken this year's title home.
5 - Johnstone
4 - Robertson
3 - Jones
2 - McLean
1 - Miller
Apologies to Bate, Bode, Brown, Bruce, Dunn, Green, Chris Johnson, Newton and White.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal - Final Results
34 - Jones
32 - McDonald
32 - Green
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
17 - Johnstone
16 - White
16 - Wheatley
15 - McLean
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
10 - Brown
10 - Robertson
9 - Neitz
9 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd
5 - Newton
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Nathan joins previous winners Travis Johnstone (2005) and Brock McLean (2006) in capturing the most prestigious award in world sports. Congratulations to this exciting new superstar, and we're sure there are many more honors to come in his career.
In other news Paul Wheatley captures his first Marcus Seecamp Award for defender of the year, joining Nathan Carroll/Ryan Ferguson (2005) and Jared Rivers (2006) on the honor roll, whilst Ricky Petterd and Juice Newton share the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award, which was won by Matthew Bate in 2006.
Next Week
Demonblog will have a year-in-review post collection and a hits/misses/neither here nor there analysis of the squad before presumably buggering off again all summer and leaving the impression that the whole site has been shut down. Hopefully I can climb off my ass at some point to cover delistings, draft and trade week. Then it's smooth sailing again until the glorious pre-season and our inevitable Bailey-led revival in '08.
Apparently there's some kind of finals series on in the next few weeks. Bollocks to that, I'd rather play Club Cluedo and try and guess which one of our players will make headlines on Mad Monday. I'll go for Nathan Carroll with the fire extinguisher in Bar 20.
Next Year
We do have a frightening amount of people to come back... And if we don't re-sign Robertson I'll have a nervous breakdown.
Saturday, 25 August 2007
Super Saturday Slops
Well every man and his dog knew we were going to lose this week anyway, so I don’t think any of us are surprised at the result today but what a traditionally Melbourne move to tease us by playing a competitive first 20 minutes before completely falling apart. I’m so disillusioned by this season that despite looking at the teams on Thursday night and Friday I was still surprised that Buckley and Johnson were playing – nothing against them personally I just want it all to be over.
So for most of the first quarter Fremantle looked flat and we were more than a match for them. Usually I’m terrifically negative about football, but every once in a while even I get sucked in and start to think that maybe something remarkable is going to happen. But this is Melbourne we’re talking about here so it didn’t. In fact after taking a two goal lead in the first quarter it went horribly wrong.
So wrong in fact that the Dockers kicked their highest second quarter score ever. Not tremendously impressive given that they’ve only been around for 12 years, and have spent most of that time losing, but significant nonetheless. Internet connection in Australia almost overloaded during the week from everyone making Pavlich the captain of their fantasy footy team, and he didn’t let them down by ripping Carroll to shreds. You can’t blame NC, after all Pavlich is a freak, but what other options have we got? Ferguson has put on weight this year but still appears to be more emaciated than an anorexic who has been on a desert island for ten years.
I half expected that at any minute Jakovich (not the good one), Shaw or Casey would start talking about how Chris Connolly built the Freo team, and how he could do the same to Melbourne as well. That would have been the cue to pick up the phone and start abusing some poor call centre monkey at Foxtel. Somebody has to feel the wrath for this season, and if it has to be some poor bastard in a call centre in Micronesia who can’t tell the difference between a footy and a coconut then so be it.
For the person who wrote in last week to whinge about my massive anti-Brad Miller agenda and claimed that I never blamed anybody else for being useless this one’s for you. Mark Jamar must go – he is completely inept. Jeff White massacred it in the centre during the first quarter, then the moment he went off for his ‘rest’ and Jamar came on it all started going backwards. We had Paul Johnson in the side as well and it took until we’d copped about five goals in a row until he got a chance. Sad. Miller was surprisingly respectable, but at the same time there is no way that we will have him in our team next year if we’re serious. Johnson ended up on Chris Tarrant at the start of the second half, which is exactly the point he should have walked out, told Mark Riley to piss off and never come back – it’s one thing being played wildly out of position but when it’s on the shittest player ever you have to make some sort of statement. Daniel Ward would be another one dissecting the Adelaide phone book to find an SANFL club to play for next season – he is pretty much G-A-W-N GONE. Though who fucking knows what’s going to happen next year – we’ll probably end up with the same team and win the flag with Miller kicking 12 in the Grand Final for all I know.
The tide was stemmed in the third quarter, but like the woman in The Club who was belted for saying the old guy got shaded in the grand final, the damage was already done. It was good to see some of our guys randomly starting fights to keep themselves amused while the world crumbled around them. The best move was Neita running from inside 50 to belt Ryan Crowley for daring to rough up Lynden Dunn. Nobody believes that we’ve got a team of hard-nuts, but the least we can see is a bit of violence no matter how manufactured it is.
Shockingly enough we actually outplayed Freo in the third, but just like the first we couldn't put the goals on the board to get it closer than five goals. Then the Norwood bound Ward gave away a completely pointless fifty that led to a Jeff Farmer goal and the door was well and truly jammed shut. Against the odds Ferguson did alright on Pavlich, and the wrists of fantasy football players all over the nation were slashed. Ward gave away another free kick, leading to another Farmer goal and Daniel ignored his opportunity to at least leave a legacy by not walking over and dropping the crunt. What's a ten week suspension when you're getting the sack anyway? Suddenly they kicked four in nine minutes and we were 50 points behind again. Either it's a cruel sport or we're inept - and I know which one I favour.
There were signs today. Ignore the second quarter and we went alright. There's some danger, injury plague notwithstanding, that we might be competitive next year. I wouldn't talk finals unless I was extremely drunk but I think 10th or 11th is realistic.
Random Thoughts
Have you ever wanted to go to Subi, find the guy who rings the bell whenever Peter Bell gets it and STAB HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE WITH A BROKEN BOTTLE? I sure have.
How unattractive is Jace Bode's designer stubble? The key to footballing nirvana is not to look like George Michael in the Faith video.
Crowd Watch
In my loungeroom – 2. One left at quarter time, but it still gets counted in the official attendance. After that it was just me and a compulsion to go to the bottle shop next door, buy a truckload of Scotch, neck it and jump under a train.
At Subiaco – Who cares. Win, lose or draw they weren’t making the 8 anyway and we’ll be lucky to make the Top 15. Roll on 2008.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Brad Green
4 - Brock McLean
3 - Jeff White
2 - Nathan Jones
1 - Nathan Brown
Apologies to Robertson, Johnstone, Johnson, Ferguson and Bruce (2nd half only)
Leaderboard
I pledge that this isn't rigged. It's just turned out this way. The way we're going none of them will play next week and it will be a wild 3-way tie.
32 - McDonald
32 - Green
32 - Jones
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
13 - McLean
12 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
10 - Brown
9 - Neitz
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Newton (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Next Week
Against Carlton at the MCG in what promises to be the worst game ever played. You know that the players won’t want to throw the game, but can you be so sure about the coaching staff? Maybe Mark Riley’s ruckman wankfest this week is designed to the hide the fact that we’re going to tank in Round 22? When the AFL start investigating the club will go “but he had no idea last week either”. Roll on a new coach, even if it is Chris Connolly – I just want to see somebody from outside the club come in and make changes. We can’t afford to have a coach in the chair who has loyalties to players already on the list.
I've been saying for weeks if you don't want us to win next week don't show up. Now even I'm starting to wonder. I'll put it this way - I won't complain if we do. Somebody will and they will hopefully be bashed by everyone in the ground no matter what team they support. I've got to admit it will be funny to see Carlton fans break down if they win.
Next season
Roll on!
So for most of the first quarter Fremantle looked flat and we were more than a match for them. Usually I’m terrifically negative about football, but every once in a while even I get sucked in and start to think that maybe something remarkable is going to happen. But this is Melbourne we’re talking about here so it didn’t. In fact after taking a two goal lead in the first quarter it went horribly wrong.
So wrong in fact that the Dockers kicked their highest second quarter score ever. Not tremendously impressive given that they’ve only been around for 12 years, and have spent most of that time losing, but significant nonetheless. Internet connection in Australia almost overloaded during the week from everyone making Pavlich the captain of their fantasy footy team, and he didn’t let them down by ripping Carroll to shreds. You can’t blame NC, after all Pavlich is a freak, but what other options have we got? Ferguson has put on weight this year but still appears to be more emaciated than an anorexic who has been on a desert island for ten years.
I half expected that at any minute Jakovich (not the good one), Shaw or Casey would start talking about how Chris Connolly built the Freo team, and how he could do the same to Melbourne as well. That would have been the cue to pick up the phone and start abusing some poor call centre monkey at Foxtel. Somebody has to feel the wrath for this season, and if it has to be some poor bastard in a call centre in Micronesia who can’t tell the difference between a footy and a coconut then so be it.
For the person who wrote in last week to whinge about my massive anti-Brad Miller agenda and claimed that I never blamed anybody else for being useless this one’s for you. Mark Jamar must go – he is completely inept. Jeff White massacred it in the centre during the first quarter, then the moment he went off for his ‘rest’ and Jamar came on it all started going backwards. We had Paul Johnson in the side as well and it took until we’d copped about five goals in a row until he got a chance. Sad. Miller was surprisingly respectable, but at the same time there is no way that we will have him in our team next year if we’re serious. Johnson ended up on Chris Tarrant at the start of the second half, which is exactly the point he should have walked out, told Mark Riley to piss off and never come back – it’s one thing being played wildly out of position but when it’s on the shittest player ever you have to make some sort of statement. Daniel Ward would be another one dissecting the Adelaide phone book to find an SANFL club to play for next season – he is pretty much G-A-W-N GONE. Though who fucking knows what’s going to happen next year – we’ll probably end up with the same team and win the flag with Miller kicking 12 in the Grand Final for all I know.
The tide was stemmed in the third quarter, but like the woman in The Club who was belted for saying the old guy got shaded in the grand final, the damage was already done. It was good to see some of our guys randomly starting fights to keep themselves amused while the world crumbled around them. The best move was Neita running from inside 50 to belt Ryan Crowley for daring to rough up Lynden Dunn. Nobody believes that we’ve got a team of hard-nuts, but the least we can see is a bit of violence no matter how manufactured it is.
Shockingly enough we actually outplayed Freo in the third, but just like the first we couldn't put the goals on the board to get it closer than five goals. Then the Norwood bound Ward gave away a completely pointless fifty that led to a Jeff Farmer goal and the door was well and truly jammed shut. Against the odds Ferguson did alright on Pavlich, and the wrists of fantasy football players all over the nation were slashed. Ward gave away another free kick, leading to another Farmer goal and Daniel ignored his opportunity to at least leave a legacy by not walking over and dropping the crunt. What's a ten week suspension when you're getting the sack anyway? Suddenly they kicked four in nine minutes and we were 50 points behind again. Either it's a cruel sport or we're inept - and I know which one I favour.
There were signs today. Ignore the second quarter and we went alright. There's some danger, injury plague notwithstanding, that we might be competitive next year. I wouldn't talk finals unless I was extremely drunk but I think 10th or 11th is realistic.
Random Thoughts
Have you ever wanted to go to Subi, find the guy who rings the bell whenever Peter Bell gets it and STAB HIM IN THE FUCKING FACE WITH A BROKEN BOTTLE? I sure have.
How unattractive is Jace Bode's designer stubble? The key to footballing nirvana is not to look like George Michael in the Faith video.
Crowd Watch
In my loungeroom – 2. One left at quarter time, but it still gets counted in the official attendance. After that it was just me and a compulsion to go to the bottle shop next door, buy a truckload of Scotch, neck it and jump under a train.
At Subiaco – Who cares. Win, lose or draw they weren’t making the 8 anyway and we’ll be lucky to make the Top 15. Roll on 2008.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Brad Green
4 - Brock McLean
3 - Jeff White
2 - Nathan Jones
1 - Nathan Brown
Apologies to Robertson, Johnstone, Johnson, Ferguson and Bruce (2nd half only)
Leaderboard
I pledge that this isn't rigged. It's just turned out this way. The way we're going none of them will play next week and it will be a wild 3-way tie.
32 - McDonald
32 - Green
32 - Jones
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
13 - McLean
12 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
10 - Brown
9 - Neitz
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Newton (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Next Week
Against Carlton at the MCG in what promises to be the worst game ever played. You know that the players won’t want to throw the game, but can you be so sure about the coaching staff? Maybe Mark Riley’s ruckman wankfest this week is designed to the hide the fact that we’re going to tank in Round 22? When the AFL start investigating the club will go “but he had no idea last week either”. Roll on a new coach, even if it is Chris Connolly – I just want to see somebody from outside the club come in and make changes. We can’t afford to have a coach in the chair who has loyalties to players already on the list.
I've been saying for weeks if you don't want us to win next week don't show up. Now even I'm starting to wonder. I'll put it this way - I won't complain if we do. Somebody will and they will hopefully be bashed by everyone in the ground no matter what team they support. I've got to admit it will be funny to see Carlton fans break down if they win.
Next season
Roll on!
Friday, 17 August 2007
We could have been a contender
I can't remember too many times when I have been prouder of a loss than I am tonight. Against a team fighting for a top four birth, and after a first half that only be described as execrable the boys came out of the blocks at a million miles an hour in the second half and almost pulled off the biggest comeback since the proverbial.
It seemed that everyone had been schooled in the Brad Miller school of playing on unnecessarily and handballing to a teammate's back. The Pies were already three goals up before we'd had more than a handful of touches, and it was shades of the Port Adelaide match again. Luckily the backline stood up (yes, read that again - the backline. Stood up.) and eventually we added goals of our own, to drag us back into the contest despite being completely shit for most of the quarter. Meanwhile why exactly is Mark Jamar in our team? I don't give a toss that he almost took mark of the year in the third quarter, he's shit.
Collingwood's tactic to have Harry O drag Robbo to all parts of the ground worked a treat in the first half, and the rare site of Russell Robertson playing in the backline was a rare moment that those of us who were there are likely to forget within a few days, before bringing it up in the pub when pissed in about five years time.
The second quarter saw us not only fail to kick a goal, but also lose Ben Holland possibly for the last time after he was sat on by the less talented of the Rocca brothers. Broken arm, dislocated shoulder, kracked kollarbone - whatever it is he's done for the year and after playing two great games, and outplaying Rocca across the first quarter the poor bastard left the ground looking as if he'd had his arm driven over by a jeep. As I said last week I support giving him another year on the list, but I wonder if this injury will wreck his chances.
The third quarter continued in the same vein as the second, and when Pendlebury goaled to put the Pies 41 points in front it looked like we were going to get massacred. Then in what is likely to be the biggest talking point in the media this week Ben Johnson massacred Daniel Bell and strangely things began to turn around. There will be general anti-Johnson outrage and the suggestion that he should be crowbarred in a carpark, but at the risk of being controversial I won't be involving myself. First things first we employ Byron Pickett, and if that's not enough said on the issue of players who belt people for no apparent reason I don't know what is, but the fact of the matter is that no matter how bad it looked it wasn't deliberate. A reckless piece of play that could have had tragic conseqeuences, but not the worst thing ever done on a footy field. The guy will cop his fair whack from the tribunal with a four game suspension that will mean he won't play again before the Grand Final if the Pies make the top 4 and win in the first week.
So that was two players down. When Robbo went down clutching his knee in the forward line it looked like things couldn't get any worse. He bounced back but was clearly not 100%. Somewhere in the midst of all this Aaron Davey went off with a hamstring injury and wasn't seen again - leaving us with the one fit player on the bench. For whatever reason this spurred us on to our massive comeback - Neita finally kicked straight after some serious wonk in the first quarter, and with Sylvia, Brock and Pickett chipping in we were just two goals down at the last change. I think everyone knew that we were going to get run-over one way or the other, but 20 minutes into the last quarter - with just one goal apiece added to the 3/4 time score we were still a chance. The boys were absolutely dead on their feet but they were still trying their hearts out. Robbo and Neitz both had shots to put us in front during the middle of the quarter but both of them were so out of it they couldn't convert.
Then Medhurst continued the Collingwood tradition of the shittest forward destroying us (see Tarrant, Chris) and kicked the goal that ended the contest. Jace Bode almost got us back within a goal but his shot was touched on the line. Game over.
Was good to see Juice Newton running riot right across the ground. He, along with everyone else, was run into the ground by the end of the game but he played a few great cameos in the backline. Definately one for the future - when the appropriate time of mourning has passed and I can retire the #28 Philthy Phil jumper, I'm almost certainly going up a number and #29'ing it up.
Meanwhile in the grandest "You give a guy a wrap...." tradition, just seconds after we declared that Paul Wheatley was in the the best form of his career the future winner of the Marcus Seecamp award turned into a poor bastard who had a night where every second kick went to an opposition player.
Random Observations
As you know I don't usually take any notice of what other clubs do but how good was Didak's bicycle kick in the 3rd quarter? If that had gone in it would have been the greatest goal ever. But if my uncle had tits he'd be my auntie - it didn't, and the title still remains with Allen Jakovich for his horizontal scissor kick against North Melbourne at the MCG in 1991.
Doesn't a little part of you die every time Jones or McLean get nailed holding the ball? God forbid they should get any help other than from James McDonald who is always there week in and week out doing his stuff.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - McDonald
4 - Brown
3 - Neitz
2 - Newton
1 - Jones
Apologies to Dunn, Green, Johnstone and Sylvia.
Leaderboard
32 - McDonald
30 - Jones
27 - Green
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
12 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
9 - McLean
9 - Brown
9 - Neitz
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Newton (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Crowd Watch
What a shithouse crowd. I blame the Collingwood fans as much as ours - at least they've got finals to play for - but how many of our fans sat at home when this was the night to come out and pay tribute to one of the great champions of our club? So it was an away game - so you had to pay for $20 to get in. Boo-fucking-hoo. It's no wonder we're a laughing stock. I can't wait to see the 15-year-old teenie boppers and other assorted fucksticks climb back on board when we're winning again. We must have the weakest fanbase in the competition - see you all when we're playing as the Bangkok Demons in a few years.
Next Week
Fremantle in Perth. Now I didn't think we'd win last week, and I didn't think we'd get within ten goals tonight - especially when the Black Death injury plague hit - but surely next week a rejuvenated Freo possibly playing for a finals place will smack us like we stole something. Once again all we ask for is a 100% effort, but is there actually anyone else left to play? Our interstate record is shithouse as it is this year, but it could be about to get a whole lot worse. I hate this season, but I know that the moment it ends I'll be counting down the seconds until the 2008 comp. Sad - very sad.
It seemed that everyone had been schooled in the Brad Miller school of playing on unnecessarily and handballing to a teammate's back. The Pies were already three goals up before we'd had more than a handful of touches, and it was shades of the Port Adelaide match again. Luckily the backline stood up (yes, read that again - the backline. Stood up.) and eventually we added goals of our own, to drag us back into the contest despite being completely shit for most of the quarter. Meanwhile why exactly is Mark Jamar in our team? I don't give a toss that he almost took mark of the year in the third quarter, he's shit.
Collingwood's tactic to have Harry O drag Robbo to all parts of the ground worked a treat in the first half, and the rare site of Russell Robertson playing in the backline was a rare moment that those of us who were there are likely to forget within a few days, before bringing it up in the pub when pissed in about five years time.
The second quarter saw us not only fail to kick a goal, but also lose Ben Holland possibly for the last time after he was sat on by the less talented of the Rocca brothers. Broken arm, dislocated shoulder, kracked kollarbone - whatever it is he's done for the year and after playing two great games, and outplaying Rocca across the first quarter the poor bastard left the ground looking as if he'd had his arm driven over by a jeep. As I said last week I support giving him another year on the list, but I wonder if this injury will wreck his chances.
The third quarter continued in the same vein as the second, and when Pendlebury goaled to put the Pies 41 points in front it looked like we were going to get massacred. Then in what is likely to be the biggest talking point in the media this week Ben Johnson massacred Daniel Bell and strangely things began to turn around. There will be general anti-Johnson outrage and the suggestion that he should be crowbarred in a carpark, but at the risk of being controversial I won't be involving myself. First things first we employ Byron Pickett, and if that's not enough said on the issue of players who belt people for no apparent reason I don't know what is, but the fact of the matter is that no matter how bad it looked it wasn't deliberate. A reckless piece of play that could have had tragic conseqeuences, but not the worst thing ever done on a footy field. The guy will cop his fair whack from the tribunal with a four game suspension that will mean he won't play again before the Grand Final if the Pies make the top 4 and win in the first week.
So that was two players down. When Robbo went down clutching his knee in the forward line it looked like things couldn't get any worse. He bounced back but was clearly not 100%. Somewhere in the midst of all this Aaron Davey went off with a hamstring injury and wasn't seen again - leaving us with the one fit player on the bench. For whatever reason this spurred us on to our massive comeback - Neita finally kicked straight after some serious wonk in the first quarter, and with Sylvia, Brock and Pickett chipping in we were just two goals down at the last change. I think everyone knew that we were going to get run-over one way or the other, but 20 minutes into the last quarter - with just one goal apiece added to the 3/4 time score we were still a chance. The boys were absolutely dead on their feet but they were still trying their hearts out. Robbo and Neitz both had shots to put us in front during the middle of the quarter but both of them were so out of it they couldn't convert.
Then Medhurst continued the Collingwood tradition of the shittest forward destroying us (see Tarrant, Chris) and kicked the goal that ended the contest. Jace Bode almost got us back within a goal but his shot was touched on the line. Game over.
Was good to see Juice Newton running riot right across the ground. He, along with everyone else, was run into the ground by the end of the game but he played a few great cameos in the backline. Definately one for the future - when the appropriate time of mourning has passed and I can retire the #28 Philthy Phil jumper, I'm almost certainly going up a number and #29'ing it up.
Meanwhile in the grandest "You give a guy a wrap...." tradition, just seconds after we declared that Paul Wheatley was in the the best form of his career the future winner of the Marcus Seecamp award turned into a poor bastard who had a night where every second kick went to an opposition player.
Random Observations
As you know I don't usually take any notice of what other clubs do but how good was Didak's bicycle kick in the 3rd quarter? If that had gone in it would have been the greatest goal ever. But if my uncle had tits he'd be my auntie - it didn't, and the title still remains with Allen Jakovich for his horizontal scissor kick against North Melbourne at the MCG in 1991.
Doesn't a little part of you die every time Jones or McLean get nailed holding the ball? God forbid they should get any help other than from James McDonald who is always there week in and week out doing his stuff.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - McDonald
4 - Brown
3 - Neitz
2 - Newton
1 - Jones
Apologies to Dunn, Green, Johnstone and Sylvia.
Leaderboard
32 - McDonald
30 - Jones
27 - Green
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
12 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
10 - Holland
9 - McLean
9 - Brown
9 - Neitz
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Newton (Equal Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Carroll
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Crowd Watch
What a shithouse crowd. I blame the Collingwood fans as much as ours - at least they've got finals to play for - but how many of our fans sat at home when this was the night to come out and pay tribute to one of the great champions of our club? So it was an away game - so you had to pay for $20 to get in. Boo-fucking-hoo. It's no wonder we're a laughing stock. I can't wait to see the 15-year-old teenie boppers and other assorted fucksticks climb back on board when we're winning again. We must have the weakest fanbase in the competition - see you all when we're playing as the Bangkok Demons in a few years.
Next Week
Fremantle in Perth. Now I didn't think we'd win last week, and I didn't think we'd get within ten goals tonight - especially when the Black Death injury plague hit - but surely next week a rejuvenated Freo possibly playing for a finals place will smack us like we stole something. Once again all we ask for is a 100% effort, but is there actually anyone else left to play? Our interstate record is shithouse as it is this year, but it could be about to get a whole lot worse. I hate this season, but I know that the moment it ends I'll be counting down the seconds until the 2008 comp. Sad - very sad.
Saturday, 11 August 2007
Saturday Night Fever
Well that was completely unexpected. Having gone for broke in my tipping this week, picking both Richmond and Melbourne I was, for obvious reasons, the focus of considerable mockery in the workplace. Having now pulled off a tipping double that is likely to go down in AFL/VFL history I will be strutting through the door on Monday morning, announcing "fuck you all" and crying when I realise I'm still ten points off the lead with only three rounds to play.
More importantly than farcical tipping anecdotes is the fact that we won a game. Bugger me there's a surprise etc.. And having been overseas for the Carlton game I at least got to see Mark Riley win one in person. Usually when we're winning games and are presented with a side with weaknesses everywhere we shit ourselves and get dragged down to their level. Tonight the enemy exposed their weaknesses, we knifed them and it was a thing of beauty. Let's hope that the vicious "search and destroy" gangtackling mentality that we saw on offer tonight is a marker of things to come in the future.
You knew something was going to go horribly wrong for the Dogs when Ben Holland booted two goals in the first quarter. Is it just me or has he turned it up 100% in the last fortnight? Both he and Pickett need to be retained next year, but they also need to know that they're not automatic selections anymore. While the likes of Newton and Frawley are learning their trade we need at least some experienced players in the wings to step in if they crumble physically or mentally. Besides for those of you who care about Sandringham's fortunes it should pretty much guarantee them another flag.
It would be optimistic to say that Davey and Robbo "ran riot" but they were more than handy in a game where Neita was well down on form. It would also be fanciful to claim a great victory for our backline in a game where the opposition were playing without a 50 goal full-forward, but there's no doubt that Carroll and Ferguson both looked good and that Paul Wheatley absolutely massacred it. I'm actually shocked that his performance has met with so much apathy across the board - you can understand when the papers ignore the unfashionable players and give votes to the "big names" because they've been doing it for years but even our own fans are showing no love for the man who has rejuvenated his career and become the red hot favourite for the 2007 Marcus Seecamp Defender Of The Year Award. The hand off "9 point" play at the end was the icing on the cake given that it hasn't worked for about two years before this game.
Jace Bode went alright. He'll be back for more in the future. I certainly don't forsee him doing a Michael Clark and playing in one game for one win and never being seen again.
Crowd Watch
Good game. Shame, then, that nobody was there to see it as both set of 'fans' sat at home watching Iron Chef instead. A pitiful crowd of 18.5k was as good as result as you could have expected when just half an hour before the first bounce the live attendance counter had just over 10,000 in the ground. At least our supporters have some sort of excuse (though I would argue this), what was with the Bulldogs fans? You could tell after the game when the boys were doing their lap of honor that it was at least a 50/50 split inside the ground. This is a team who are, at least theoretically, top eight contenders. Whatever - this isn't the place for a football inquest about why everyone is so fucking soft these days, it's a place for celebration. We're in the Top 14!
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Jones
4 - Wheatley
3 - Holland
2 - Green
1 - Johnstone
What a novelty to have to leave people out for once rather than struggling to fill the 2 and 1 spots. Apologies tonight to (deep breath) Robertson, McDonald, Davey, White, Carroll, Pickett, Dunn and Bell. And, seriously, HOW MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN MILLER IS JUICE NEWTON? He might not have kicked a bag, but he threw more big tackles tonight than Miller has in his career. It was a joy to watch a big forward running around, chasing and threatening people like he was Aaron Davey. Magnificent.
Leaderboard
29 - Jones
27 - Green, McDonald
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year), White
12 - Johnstone
10 - Davey, Holland, Rivers
9 - McLean8 - Godfrey, Miller
7 - Sylvia
6 - Bizzell, Moloney, Neitz, Robertson
5 - Bell, Carroll, Brown, Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year), Yze3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
1 - Ferguson, Frawley, Pickett
Next Week
Suddenly we have an interesting one. You'd expect that having learnt their lesson from earlier in the season, and stinging from a shock defeat this week that the Pies would come out and obliterate us. After tonight's result, though, there's suddenly at least some doubt that the obvious scenario will be played out. The big question is whether Holland, after one of his best games for us in the forward line, suddenly ends up down back playing on Anthony Rocca again after treating him like a prison bride in their last two meetings. Who knows, but one way or the other BE THERE for Neita's 300th. Doesn't it freak you out a bit that in 111 years there has never been a Melbourne player who has managed the triple-century of games? What a champion - it's just a shame that he's destined to join Flower, Lyon and Stynes as great champions of our club who will leave the game without having won a flag.
More importantly than farcical tipping anecdotes is the fact that we won a game. Bugger me there's a surprise etc.. And having been overseas for the Carlton game I at least got to see Mark Riley win one in person. Usually when we're winning games and are presented with a side with weaknesses everywhere we shit ourselves and get dragged down to their level. Tonight the enemy exposed their weaknesses, we knifed them and it was a thing of beauty. Let's hope that the vicious "search and destroy" gangtackling mentality that we saw on offer tonight is a marker of things to come in the future.
You knew something was going to go horribly wrong for the Dogs when Ben Holland booted two goals in the first quarter. Is it just me or has he turned it up 100% in the last fortnight? Both he and Pickett need to be retained next year, but they also need to know that they're not automatic selections anymore. While the likes of Newton and Frawley are learning their trade we need at least some experienced players in the wings to step in if they crumble physically or mentally. Besides for those of you who care about Sandringham's fortunes it should pretty much guarantee them another flag.
It would be optimistic to say that Davey and Robbo "ran riot" but they were more than handy in a game where Neita was well down on form. It would also be fanciful to claim a great victory for our backline in a game where the opposition were playing without a 50 goal full-forward, but there's no doubt that Carroll and Ferguson both looked good and that Paul Wheatley absolutely massacred it. I'm actually shocked that his performance has met with so much apathy across the board - you can understand when the papers ignore the unfashionable players and give votes to the "big names" because they've been doing it for years but even our own fans are showing no love for the man who has rejuvenated his career and become the red hot favourite for the 2007 Marcus Seecamp Defender Of The Year Award. The hand off "9 point" play at the end was the icing on the cake given that it hasn't worked for about two years before this game.
Jace Bode went alright. He'll be back for more in the future. I certainly don't forsee him doing a Michael Clark and playing in one game for one win and never being seen again.
Crowd Watch
Good game. Shame, then, that nobody was there to see it as both set of 'fans' sat at home watching Iron Chef instead. A pitiful crowd of 18.5k was as good as result as you could have expected when just half an hour before the first bounce the live attendance counter had just over 10,000 in the ground. At least our supporters have some sort of excuse (though I would argue this), what was with the Bulldogs fans? You could tell after the game when the boys were doing their lap of honor that it was at least a 50/50 split inside the ground. This is a team who are, at least theoretically, top eight contenders. Whatever - this isn't the place for a football inquest about why everyone is so fucking soft these days, it's a place for celebration. We're in the Top 14!
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Jones
4 - Wheatley
3 - Holland
2 - Green
1 - Johnstone
What a novelty to have to leave people out for once rather than struggling to fill the 2 and 1 spots. Apologies tonight to (deep breath) Robertson, McDonald, Davey, White, Carroll, Pickett, Dunn and Bell. And, seriously, HOW MUCH FUCKING BETTER THAN MILLER IS JUICE NEWTON? He might not have kicked a bag, but he threw more big tackles tonight than Miller has in his career. It was a joy to watch a big forward running around, chasing and threatening people like he was Aaron Davey. Magnificent.
Leaderboard
29 - Jones
27 - Green, McDonald
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year), White
12 - Johnstone
10 - Davey, Holland, Rivers
9 - McLean8 - Godfrey, Miller
7 - Sylvia
6 - Bizzell, Moloney, Neitz, Robertson
5 - Bell, Carroll, Brown, Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year), Yze3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
1 - Ferguson, Frawley, Pickett
Next Week
Suddenly we have an interesting one. You'd expect that having learnt their lesson from earlier in the season, and stinging from a shock defeat this week that the Pies would come out and obliterate us. After tonight's result, though, there's suddenly at least some doubt that the obvious scenario will be played out. The big question is whether Holland, after one of his best games for us in the forward line, suddenly ends up down back playing on Anthony Rocca again after treating him like a prison bride in their last two meetings. Who knows, but one way or the other BE THERE for Neita's 300th. Doesn't it freak you out a bit that in 111 years there has never been a Melbourne player who has managed the triple-century of games? What a champion - it's just a shame that he's destined to join Flower, Lyon and Stynes as great champions of our club who will leave the game without having won a flag.
Wednesday, 8 August 2007
Roadtrip Fever
After we lost to Brisbane two years ago I said I wouldn't go interstate for football the next year. Then I went to Sydney and we won in the Jared Rivers farcical 50 match. That was suitably wild so suddenly I had the fever and announced that this year I was going to go to EVERY SINGLE GAME no matter where it was. Thank fuck that concept was shelved because it's been bad enough watching us get slapped by everyone in Victoria without travelling to Sydney, Perth, Adelaide and Brisbane to see it as well.
Having never been to Manuka Oval before I was suckered into spending a weekend going there and coming back by car. Why did I bother? I always knew we were going to be shit. I didn't even notice at the time that Byron Pickett had channelled the spirit of Terry Wheeler and decided to kick into the wind in the first quarter. Maybe, like Terry, a fisherman told him that the wind was going to swing around? But where the fuck do you find a fisherman in the ACT?
We kicked the first two scores. That was nice. Then they started to massacre us, which was severely depressing. By the time we started kicking goals it was people who probably shouldn't even be there like Holland and Jamar who were doing it. You could tell that there was something seriously wrong when we had a Miller/Holland/Jamar combination for a goal. Why are any of these people in our first 22? Injuries or not I have serious doubts that they should even be on the list. At least you can argue that Holland gives 110% every time and Jamar is learning but what's Miller's excuse? He's just shit.
Five goals down and marooned in the middle of a bunch of Sydney fans. Could life have gotten any better? At least the ground itself was nice.
Fucked if I know what else to say. It's all just... Depressing.
We got smashed, but not by as much as you'd think. Looked to me like the Swans put the cue in the rack in the last quarter and resisted the temptation to put us to the sword like Port had the week before. We have, however, kicked the last two goals in both of our last two games - which might be helpful if we could stay within 12pts of the opposition longer than two minutes into the first quarter.
Crowd Watch
It was a ludicrously 'multicultural' crowd. We spotted at least one person wearing the colors of every single team in the league as well as the Brisbane Bears and Fitzroy. Then there was the Canberra Raiders (natch), Canterbury Bulldogs, Wests Tigers, Washington Capitals, New York Yankees, Anaheim Mighty Ducks and about 25 different local footy teams. Nobody cared that we got tonked but thanks for helping prop the club up - see you next season.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Jones
4 - Holland
3 - Carroll
2 - Green
1 - Ferguson
Leaderboard
With Bruce gone it looks as if we're down to a three-way race for the most undeserved championship in world sports. McDonald would have to be favourite on consistency alone, but Jones is climbing the leaderboard at a rapid rate and could pull off a shock victory.
In other awards Wheatley looks home in the defender of the year, and Petterd will hold on for rookie of the year unless Juice Newton can pull something special out of the bag in the next few weeks.
Everything that needs to be said about this season can be seen in the fact that Miller only has one vote less than the man who we've all decided is the saviour of the club. God I hate footy.
27 - McDonald
25 - Green
24 - Jones
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
12 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
7 - Holland
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
5 - Carroll
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Next Week
We got smacked by Footscray. Then Collingwood, Freo and Carlton. Apparently this is a good thing - fuck that I want to WIN WIN WIN.
Having never been to Manuka Oval before I was suckered into spending a weekend going there and coming back by car. Why did I bother? I always knew we were going to be shit. I didn't even notice at the time that Byron Pickett had channelled the spirit of Terry Wheeler and decided to kick into the wind in the first quarter. Maybe, like Terry, a fisherman told him that the wind was going to swing around? But where the fuck do you find a fisherman in the ACT?
We kicked the first two scores. That was nice. Then they started to massacre us, which was severely depressing. By the time we started kicking goals it was people who probably shouldn't even be there like Holland and Jamar who were doing it. You could tell that there was something seriously wrong when we had a Miller/Holland/Jamar combination for a goal. Why are any of these people in our first 22? Injuries or not I have serious doubts that they should even be on the list. At least you can argue that Holland gives 110% every time and Jamar is learning but what's Miller's excuse? He's just shit.
Five goals down and marooned in the middle of a bunch of Sydney fans. Could life have gotten any better? At least the ground itself was nice.
Fucked if I know what else to say. It's all just... Depressing.
We got smashed, but not by as much as you'd think. Looked to me like the Swans put the cue in the rack in the last quarter and resisted the temptation to put us to the sword like Port had the week before. We have, however, kicked the last two goals in both of our last two games - which might be helpful if we could stay within 12pts of the opposition longer than two minutes into the first quarter.
Crowd Watch
It was a ludicrously 'multicultural' crowd. We spotted at least one person wearing the colors of every single team in the league as well as the Brisbane Bears and Fitzroy. Then there was the Canberra Raiders (natch), Canterbury Bulldogs, Wests Tigers, Washington Capitals, New York Yankees, Anaheim Mighty Ducks and about 25 different local footy teams. Nobody cared that we got tonked but thanks for helping prop the club up - see you next season.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Jones
4 - Holland
3 - Carroll
2 - Green
1 - Ferguson
Leaderboard
With Bruce gone it looks as if we're down to a three-way race for the most undeserved championship in world sports. McDonald would have to be favourite on consistency alone, but Jones is climbing the leaderboard at a rapid rate and could pull off a shock victory.
In other awards Wheatley looks home in the defender of the year, and Petterd will hold on for rookie of the year unless Juice Newton can pull something special out of the bag in the next few weeks.
Everything that needs to be said about this season can be seen in the fact that Miller only has one vote less than the man who we've all decided is the saviour of the club. God I hate footy.
27 - McDonald
25 - Green
24 - Jones
19 - Bruce
17 - Bate
16 - White
12 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
7 - Holland
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
5 - Carroll
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
1 - Ferguson
Next Week
We got smacked by Footscray. Then Collingwood, Freo and Carlton. Apparently this is a good thing - fuck that I want to WIN WIN WIN.
Sunday, 29 July 2007
Character Assasination
The die was well and truly cast for Melbourne vs Port Adelaide on Thursday night at the selection table.
Dear Clint Bizzell, congratulations on reinvigorating your career over the last few weeks and being one our best defenders – your reward is to be dropped and play against Bendigo in the VFL.
Dear Nathan Carroll, we know your glory era lasted for 10 rounds last season and that you’ve done precisely fuck all this season but we’re also aware that we’ve really got nobody else to play fullback. So we’ll play without one. Off you go.
Dear Paul Johnson, two ruckmen in a team are a luxury these days. We know you’re trying to prove yourself as a second ruckman. So prove it at Sandringham.
Dear Ben Holland, there’s no chance in hell you’ll be on our list next year if we’re anywhere near serious about bouncing back. So please be at the airport at 3.30pm because you’re playing.
What a fucking shambles. It would break my heart in two to think that we’re deliberately throwing it away deliberately, and we did bring back Bruce and Bell, but how else can you explain all of this? Are they trying to get Holland a run in the SANFL next year? One more run in front of his hometown crowd before he’s cast on to the football scrapheap?
And if the result wasn’t abundantly clear then it became obvious that we were sunk before the first bounce when the usual suspects (Godfrey, Miller etc..) tried the always ineffective tactic of roughing their opponents up. The sad thing was you could see that their hearts weren’t really in it – Matthew Bate was bumping off guys without even looking in their eyes. Nobody is scared of us – we’re shit.
Then the game itself started and after a minute we were two goals down, and by the time Port added a third we had a grand total of 1 kick and 1 hitout. An absolute embarrassment was on the cards. And an absolute embarrassment it was. God knows how many goals Juice Newton needs to kick to actually start on the ground. He finally got on and, like the rest of our squad, had no idea. Six goals down at quarter time and you'd almost walk out if you've paid to see it. Don't feel too bad, the players pretty much walked out and they're being paid to be there.
To be entirely honest Holland wasn't awful in the first quarter, but what's wrong with using the players who are going to form a key part of the squad next year? I'm not saying pick a bunch of 13-year-olds and get smashed by 200 but the likes of Johnson and even god forbid Jamar will be on our list next year - surely Holland will not. One thing I will say for him is that at least he gives an honest showing, which is more than you can say for some.
The second quarter was a slight improvement, and by half time we'd actually had more inside 50's than Port. The only difference was that they went inside and kicked goals, and we screwed it up. Port must have taken that stat as a slap in the face as they came out in the third quarter and wrecked us - 8 goals to none in a vicious porking. Good luck getting a decent coach if we keep playing like this for the next week - even Connolly won't want to waste his time in charge of this slop. If you've coached Southern League Division 3 reserves you might just be willing to take a chance with us next year, but if you think somebody like a Michael Voss is going to turn their back on Dick Pratt and his millions of dollars to try and turn our disgraceful list around with a membership that will probably just top 23. Even Glen Jakovich announced that he'd rather coach Carlton than us - why Glen? Bring your brother back for a dreamteam coaching panel.
Much of the justification by people who didn't show up last week was "I don't like watching us get thrashed". Stupidest line of logic ever, and the reason a club like Fitzroy went down the tubes, but I can almost see a point in it. Sadly for me as we have previously discussed it is in my blood like drugs and I simply must sit there and watch no matter what - must seek out dodgy internet cafes halfway across the world just to listen to us concede 40 points to none in the first quarter against Brisbane. I just have to do it.
If the pain of the scoreboard wasn't enough we were treated to some tart screeching over the PA at the start of the last quarter. You've taken our dignity you bint, don't take our hearing.
An interesting moment in the last when Bell decked some crunt with a shepherd and convicted felon Dean Brogan fronted up to him. Instead of pushing back, belting him or showing some sort of balls Bell stood there and 'argued' with Brogan about he hadn't done anything. It was like watching somebody who has stepped on the foot of a bikie in a bar and is frantically apologising to avoid getting murdered. The difference is that in the real world you might end up in a shallow grave in the Otways, but on an AFL field the worst you can get is a bit of a slap around the head. So SHOW SOME FUCKING BALLS.
Interesting allegations from the commentary team as well that our main contact with Michael Voss so far has been a text message. Surely that was Clinton Grybas injecting some color into the call to stop us all from changing channels to the Simpsons rather than legitimate fact. If it's true then sack the board and the football department as well. In fact just shut the whole fucking club down, I've had enough.
There's some upside I suppose. Don't know where it is but it's there somewhere. As much as I can see that his defensive work is emerging please don't let James Frawley ever kick under pressure. I haven't seen a style like that since James Manson - he takes an extra half a second than everyone else to get the ball on the boot.
The first reaction is to lose the plot and demand everybody be sacked. So that's what I'm going to do. Fuck them all off pretty much to a man - of the people who played tonight I'd suggest that if new coach Mr. X is serious we are unlikely to see half of them next year. You have to wonder just how much Neitz has left in the tank - the last few weeks have seen him looking like a shell of his former self. I honestly doubt he'll even make it to the end of next year the way it's going.
Miller must go. I can't stress this enough. He bounces from one end of the field to the other on a weekly basis and isn't good enough to play either - we've got to send him to another club for the good of both parties.
Votes
These are very forced. I don't think anybody deserves one, but lets just hand some out anyway.
5 - Green
4 - Jones
3 - White
2 - Bate
1 - Frawley
Apologies to Holland (at least he had a crack), Wheatley, small children who may have been traumatised for life, and anyone who wasted their money going to Adelaide to watch this.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Leaderboard
27 - McDonald
23 - Green
19 - Bruce
19 - Jones
17 - Bate
16 - White
12 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
3 - Holland
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
2 - Carroll
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
Loungeroom Watch
I didn't break anything. What's the point?
Fashion Watch
Why the fuck were we wearing the "away" shirt? Since when has red and blue clashed with teal and black? Who makes these decisions anyway? Crackheads.
Next Week
Sydney at Manuka. I'm going. Why? Fucked if I know. Depending on the result I might come back via the Belangalo State Forest and stay there. Barry Hall vs Ryan Ferguson? Oh fuck me surely you're kidding - I guess they may as well drag Miller out for the one job he can actually do without making a dick of himself.
Dear Clint Bizzell, congratulations on reinvigorating your career over the last few weeks and being one our best defenders – your reward is to be dropped and play against Bendigo in the VFL.
Dear Nathan Carroll, we know your glory era lasted for 10 rounds last season and that you’ve done precisely fuck all this season but we’re also aware that we’ve really got nobody else to play fullback. So we’ll play without one. Off you go.
Dear Paul Johnson, two ruckmen in a team are a luxury these days. We know you’re trying to prove yourself as a second ruckman. So prove it at Sandringham.
Dear Ben Holland, there’s no chance in hell you’ll be on our list next year if we’re anywhere near serious about bouncing back. So please be at the airport at 3.30pm because you’re playing.
What a fucking shambles. It would break my heart in two to think that we’re deliberately throwing it away deliberately, and we did bring back Bruce and Bell, but how else can you explain all of this? Are they trying to get Holland a run in the SANFL next year? One more run in front of his hometown crowd before he’s cast on to the football scrapheap?
And if the result wasn’t abundantly clear then it became obvious that we were sunk before the first bounce when the usual suspects (Godfrey, Miller etc..) tried the always ineffective tactic of roughing their opponents up. The sad thing was you could see that their hearts weren’t really in it – Matthew Bate was bumping off guys without even looking in their eyes. Nobody is scared of us – we’re shit.
Then the game itself started and after a minute we were two goals down, and by the time Port added a third we had a grand total of 1 kick and 1 hitout. An absolute embarrassment was on the cards. And an absolute embarrassment it was. God knows how many goals Juice Newton needs to kick to actually start on the ground. He finally got on and, like the rest of our squad, had no idea. Six goals down at quarter time and you'd almost walk out if you've paid to see it. Don't feel too bad, the players pretty much walked out and they're being paid to be there.
To be entirely honest Holland wasn't awful in the first quarter, but what's wrong with using the players who are going to form a key part of the squad next year? I'm not saying pick a bunch of 13-year-olds and get smashed by 200 but the likes of Johnson and even god forbid Jamar will be on our list next year - surely Holland will not. One thing I will say for him is that at least he gives an honest showing, which is more than you can say for some.
The second quarter was a slight improvement, and by half time we'd actually had more inside 50's than Port. The only difference was that they went inside and kicked goals, and we screwed it up. Port must have taken that stat as a slap in the face as they came out in the third quarter and wrecked us - 8 goals to none in a vicious porking. Good luck getting a decent coach if we keep playing like this for the next week - even Connolly won't want to waste his time in charge of this slop. If you've coached Southern League Division 3 reserves you might just be willing to take a chance with us next year, but if you think somebody like a Michael Voss is going to turn their back on Dick Pratt and his millions of dollars to try and turn our disgraceful list around with a membership that will probably just top 23. Even Glen Jakovich announced that he'd rather coach Carlton than us - why Glen? Bring your brother back for a dreamteam coaching panel.
Much of the justification by people who didn't show up last week was "I don't like watching us get thrashed". Stupidest line of logic ever, and the reason a club like Fitzroy went down the tubes, but I can almost see a point in it. Sadly for me as we have previously discussed it is in my blood like drugs and I simply must sit there and watch no matter what - must seek out dodgy internet cafes halfway across the world just to listen to us concede 40 points to none in the first quarter against Brisbane. I just have to do it.
If the pain of the scoreboard wasn't enough we were treated to some tart screeching over the PA at the start of the last quarter. You've taken our dignity you bint, don't take our hearing.
An interesting moment in the last when Bell decked some crunt with a shepherd and convicted felon Dean Brogan fronted up to him. Instead of pushing back, belting him or showing some sort of balls Bell stood there and 'argued' with Brogan about he hadn't done anything. It was like watching somebody who has stepped on the foot of a bikie in a bar and is frantically apologising to avoid getting murdered. The difference is that in the real world you might end up in a shallow grave in the Otways, but on an AFL field the worst you can get is a bit of a slap around the head. So SHOW SOME FUCKING BALLS.
Interesting allegations from the commentary team as well that our main contact with Michael Voss so far has been a text message. Surely that was Clinton Grybas injecting some color into the call to stop us all from changing channels to the Simpsons rather than legitimate fact. If it's true then sack the board and the football department as well. In fact just shut the whole fucking club down, I've had enough.
There's some upside I suppose. Don't know where it is but it's there somewhere. As much as I can see that his defensive work is emerging please don't let James Frawley ever kick under pressure. I haven't seen a style like that since James Manson - he takes an extra half a second than everyone else to get the ball on the boot.
The first reaction is to lose the plot and demand everybody be sacked. So that's what I'm going to do. Fuck them all off pretty much to a man - of the people who played tonight I'd suggest that if new coach Mr. X is serious we are unlikely to see half of them next year. You have to wonder just how much Neitz has left in the tank - the last few weeks have seen him looking like a shell of his former self. I honestly doubt he'll even make it to the end of next year the way it's going.
Miller must go. I can't stress this enough. He bounces from one end of the field to the other on a weekly basis and isn't good enough to play either - we've got to send him to another club for the good of both parties.
Votes
These are very forced. I don't think anybody deserves one, but lets just hand some out anyway.
5 - Green
4 - Jones
3 - White
2 - Bate
1 - Frawley
Apologies to Holland (at least he had a crack), Wheatley, small children who may have been traumatised for life, and anyone who wasted their money going to Adelaide to watch this.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Leaderboard
27 - McDonald
23 - Green
19 - Bruce
19 - Jones
17 - Bate
16 - White
12 - Wheatley (Shock Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
3 - Holland
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
2 - Carroll
1 - Frawley
1 - Pickett
Loungeroom Watch
I didn't break anything. What's the point?
Fashion Watch
Why the fuck were we wearing the "away" shirt? Since when has red and blue clashed with teal and black? Who makes these decisions anyway? Crackheads.
Next Week
Sydney at Manuka. I'm going. Why? Fucked if I know. Depending on the result I might come back via the Belangalo State Forest and stay there. Barry Hall vs Ryan Ferguson? Oh fuck me surely you're kidding - I guess they may as well drag Miller out for the one job he can actually do without making a dick of himself.
Tuesday, 24 July 2007
Notes From A Scandal
Well what else is there to say? The season not only goes from bad to worse on-field, but it's threatening to fall apart something shocking off field as well. Crowd watch? What fucking crowd? Melbourne fans have officially proven themselves to be as weak as piss. Who would have ever thought that we'd have been outdrawn by North in a Melbourne game. The twilight football shite didn't help, but fucking hell there must have been 5000 of our people there at the absolute maximum. If we had a run like Carlton have had for the last five years we'd either be playing on the Gold Coast or in the tip a'la Fitzroy.
The game itself? Well you all know what happened by now. We did nothing after the 20 minute mark of the first quarter, Juice Newton took mark of the year and we mounted the pissiest comeback of all time at the end of the third quarter. Positively thrilling stuff - I don't know why I showed up, but I did because this club runs in my veins like drugs.
There really is nothing else to say. Our season has hit a depressing low and the suggestion that somehow we're going to end up with Chris Connolly as the coach makes it that much worse. Who in their right mind is going to employ him as our coach? What has he ever done at Fremantle? If you can't coach a team with Pavlich up front how are you going to get anywhere with Brad Miller? Fuck that for a joke - I've said it before and I'll say it again I want THE JUNKYARD DOG. When was the last time we had a coach who reminded you of a serial killer? All this softly softly stuff has gotten us nowhere, we need a psycho. Vote 1 JYD.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
So? Catch up votes for what I've missed? Why not. For the Carlton and Brisbane games I'll use the top 5 in the BigFooty forum voting. So if you've got any problems with it blame yourself and your peers not me. How the hell was I supposed to know what was actually going on from a dodgy internet cafe half the world away?
vs. Carlton
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bate
3 - McDonald
2 - White
1 - Bizzell
And congratulations to Mark Riley for winning his first game. Odds on he'll do a Greg Hutchison and not win again until Round 22. And then end up at Richmond or something, the poor bastard.
vs. Brisbane/Fitzroy Bears/Lions (delete as applicable)
5 - McLean
4 - McDonald
3 - Brown
2 - Wheatley
1 - Jones
No apologies to Davey who needs a swift kick in the arse for getting himself suspended. If we were legitimate about player discipline he'd come back via the 2nd's - and as an additional bonus all you swine who want us to tank it would be getting something as well.
vs. North Melbourne
5 - Jones
4 - Moloney
3 - Newton
2 - McDonald
1 - Bizzell
Apologies and no apologies simultaneously to Sylvia who went missing in the second quarter after being prominent first up.
Leaderboard
And on the back of three straight scores in Cam Bruce's absence the Junior Burger storms to the top of the pops at a million miles an hour. Wheatley also storms out of midfield and into the upper echelon on the back of two top weeks in a row, and takes what might be an unbeatable shock lead in the Seecamp Medal count for defender of the year. Juice Newton scores his first points of the year and with Petterd out for the season the big man is every possible chance of adding the prestigious Jeff Hilton Medal to his Mark Of the Year award.
27 - McDonald
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
15 - Bate
15 - Jones
13 - White
12 - Wheatley (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
3 - Holland
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Next Week
Port Adelaide at Football Park on Sunday. They will beat us like w stole something. Be afraid, be very afraid. To be honest I doubt we'll win another game before Round 22, which will make the game against Carlton VERY interesting. I'd like to think that neither team would chuck the game - in fact I almost know it - but if I have to sit next to some spastic who is cheering against their own side for four quarters I might be moved to glass somebody.
Next Season
Unless we can line up some decent replacements Ward, Wheatley, Godfrey and Bizzell have earned themselves another season in my book. As always though I know fuck all so your opinion and that of the footballing world may differ.
Holland - will go.
Jamar - isn't up to it. Has been passed by Johnson and is looking increasingly like he'll never step up to the plate.
Brown - I appreciate his hard work but he's past it, and has the misfortune of being in a dime-a-dozen position.
Miller - We need to trade Miller him for anything we can get as he will never, EVER be a key player for us.
Yze - Needs to be quietly informed that his time has passed and that he'd be better off pulling the pin.
Carroll - If we could find a better full-back he'd be relegated back to playing Ben Holland as the 2nd string key defender.
Warnock - Only survives because of our criminally shit backline depth.
Johnson - Will get another chance but next year needs to be a breakout year or he'll be lining up in the Diamond Valley league.
Neitz - Will play next year but the poor bastard is rapidly falling apart. How much of the season will he actually manage?
Robertson - See above. Has a bit more in the tank than Neitz but is still likely to completely fall apart at any minute. Get the bulk sticky-tape order ready, it's going to be an interesting year.
White - Has shown a bit in the last few weeks, but doesn't have a tremendously long time left at the top. A ruckman would go nicely alongside a key-position player.
Johnstone - I'll be the first to start the controversy. If we're going to rebuild in even the smallest possible fashion then he is our most expendable senior player. We've got midfielders coming out the arse so if we can use him as part of a ploy to land a key position player or another top 20 pick in the draft then I'm up for it. The naysayers will say nay and the 20,000 members we have who didn't show up on Sunday night will all threaten not to buy memberships next season. Doesn't matter anyway - when Connolly becomes coach nobody will buy one anyway. With apologies - OUT.
Pickett - Cheers for the second half of last year, shame it didn't quite work out. Good luck for the future.
The game itself? Well you all know what happened by now. We did nothing after the 20 minute mark of the first quarter, Juice Newton took mark of the year and we mounted the pissiest comeback of all time at the end of the third quarter. Positively thrilling stuff - I don't know why I showed up, but I did because this club runs in my veins like drugs.
There really is nothing else to say. Our season has hit a depressing low and the suggestion that somehow we're going to end up with Chris Connolly as the coach makes it that much worse. Who in their right mind is going to employ him as our coach? What has he ever done at Fremantle? If you can't coach a team with Pavlich up front how are you going to get anywhere with Brad Miller? Fuck that for a joke - I've said it before and I'll say it again I want THE JUNKYARD DOG. When was the last time we had a coach who reminded you of a serial killer? All this softly softly stuff has gotten us nowhere, we need a psycho. Vote 1 JYD.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
So? Catch up votes for what I've missed? Why not. For the Carlton and Brisbane games I'll use the top 5 in the BigFooty forum voting. So if you've got any problems with it blame yourself and your peers not me. How the hell was I supposed to know what was actually going on from a dodgy internet cafe half the world away?
vs. Carlton
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bate
3 - McDonald
2 - White
1 - Bizzell
And congratulations to Mark Riley for winning his first game. Odds on he'll do a Greg Hutchison and not win again until Round 22. And then end up at Richmond or something, the poor bastard.
vs. Brisbane/Fitzroy Bears/Lions (delete as applicable)
5 - McLean
4 - McDonald
3 - Brown
2 - Wheatley
1 - Jones
No apologies to Davey who needs a swift kick in the arse for getting himself suspended. If we were legitimate about player discipline he'd come back via the 2nd's - and as an additional bonus all you swine who want us to tank it would be getting something as well.
vs. North Melbourne
5 - Jones
4 - Moloney
3 - Newton
2 - McDonald
1 - Bizzell
Apologies and no apologies simultaneously to Sylvia who went missing in the second quarter after being prominent first up.
Leaderboard
And on the back of three straight scores in Cam Bruce's absence the Junior Burger storms to the top of the pops at a million miles an hour. Wheatley also storms out of midfield and into the upper echelon on the back of two top weeks in a row, and takes what might be an unbeatable shock lead in the Seecamp Medal count for defender of the year. Juice Newton scores his first points of the year and with Petterd out for the season the big man is every possible chance of adding the prestigious Jeff Hilton Medal to his Mark Of the Year award.
27 - McDonald
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
15 - Bate
15 - Jones
13 - White
12 - Wheatley (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
3 - Holland
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Next Week
Port Adelaide at Football Park on Sunday. They will beat us like w stole something. Be afraid, be very afraid. To be honest I doubt we'll win another game before Round 22, which will make the game against Carlton VERY interesting. I'd like to think that neither team would chuck the game - in fact I almost know it - but if I have to sit next to some spastic who is cheering against their own side for four quarters I might be moved to glass somebody.
Next Season
Unless we can line up some decent replacements Ward, Wheatley, Godfrey and Bizzell have earned themselves another season in my book. As always though I know fuck all so your opinion and that of the footballing world may differ.
Holland - will go.
Jamar - isn't up to it. Has been passed by Johnson and is looking increasingly like he'll never step up to the plate.
Brown - I appreciate his hard work but he's past it, and has the misfortune of being in a dime-a-dozen position.
Miller - We need to trade Miller him for anything we can get as he will never, EVER be a key player for us.
Yze - Needs to be quietly informed that his time has passed and that he'd be better off pulling the pin.
Carroll - If we could find a better full-back he'd be relegated back to playing Ben Holland as the 2nd string key defender.
Warnock - Only survives because of our criminally shit backline depth.
Johnson - Will get another chance but next year needs to be a breakout year or he'll be lining up in the Diamond Valley league.
Neitz - Will play next year but the poor bastard is rapidly falling apart. How much of the season will he actually manage?
Robertson - See above. Has a bit more in the tank than Neitz but is still likely to completely fall apart at any minute. Get the bulk sticky-tape order ready, it's going to be an interesting year.
White - Has shown a bit in the last few weeks, but doesn't have a tremendously long time left at the top. A ruckman would go nicely alongside a key-position player.
Johnstone - I'll be the first to start the controversy. If we're going to rebuild in even the smallest possible fashion then he is our most expendable senior player. We've got midfielders coming out the arse so if we can use him as part of a ploy to land a key position player or another top 20 pick in the draft then I'm up for it. The naysayers will say nay and the 20,000 members we have who didn't show up on Sunday night will all threaten not to buy memberships next season. Doesn't matter anyway - when Connolly becomes coach nobody will buy one anyway. With apologies - OUT.
Pickett - Cheers for the second half of last year, shame it didn't quite work out. Good luck for the future.
Sunday, 8 July 2007
International
Ask yourself this. Why, when our season is as depressingly shit as it is, am I in an internet cafe in Bangkok listening to the Carlton game? Good question. Answers will become clear if we win.
Saturday, 30 June 2007
The hits just keep on coming
You'd think that after having had my heart broken by football on a near weekly basis for the last twenty years that I'd be over it by now. To a certain degree you'd be right, now that we've at least won two games this season I'd be less inclined to have a coronary at losing a game with six seconds left in the last quarter, but it's still like a dagger to the heart given the circumstances surrounding the match.
If we had won tonight it would have sent Daniher off the right way and provided a neat ending to a chapter that began all those years ago in Wellington, New Zealand of all places (it's true, look it up). Last week this result wouldn't have haunted me, and next week I'll probably throw my hands up and go "who cares, we always lose to Carlton" but to see the boys throw themselves into the game at a million miles an hour in the last three quarters tonight and to be beaten like that is a heartbreaker of the highest order.
The initial reaction was to question (once again) the wisdom of hiring the fitness guru with the unpronounceable name to help us run games out, but in retrospect I suppose the boys had run themselves into the ground so spectacularly in the second half that it was inevitable that they'd fall apart at the end. It didn't help when Robertson and Neitz suddenly forgot how to kick straight when it really counted - though under the circumstances I choose to believe that they were so desperate to ice the game as a mark of respect to ND that they psyched themselves out of it. Yet somehow we almost got away with it - had somebody just got a fist on that last ball we all we would have had to do is get one kick in right and we would have taken the points in a fairytale result. Yes, I know we rarely get kick-ins right at the best of times but with just six seconds left they could have chipped it short and milked the clock openly.
And who didn't feel like doing exactly what Nathan Brown did after the final siren? Lucky he had (alleged) turf underneath him when he started beating the ground because if we tried that it would have ended in a tragic cavalcade of flying seats and blood splattered across concrete. In the grand scheme of things the result meant absolutely nothing but in context it was so important. Next year/month/week we might not give a toss but at the time it was the footballing equivalent of finding your prom date making out with your dad.
I realised we were in trouble when Brown did his patented "turn around and rush the thing from 30 metres out" move. That's fine against your slop teams but against a highly professional outfit coached by the inventor of pretty much every dubious move in the playbook it's like pouring blood into a shark tank. Then we tried the bullshit 'chip it around' move against a team who do it better than anyone in the game and obviously know how to play against it. Cue it ending in tears and costing us the game.
Yes, before Lucas kicked the goal that put them within six points we were ripped off out of a free kick when Cameron Bruce had the figure four leglock put on him just outside 50, but given that we were on the receiving end of two of the worst free-kicks ever throughout the night I'm not complaining about anything. There was probably some arcane rule that explained the one in the third quarter where the Essendon player bumped Matthew Bate with his body and somehow got done for a push in the back but I must confess, along with 45,000 other people, I was mystified. Then there was a perfect tackle laid on somebody (McDonald? Bruce? Green? Ormond-Allen? I can't farking remember) which was also pinged for in the back. Cue righteous indignation and whispers of a conspiracy from the opposition fans - once again I ask that if the umpires are corrupt in your favour and you're 2-10 how bad would you be if they were AGAINST you? Idiots.
Crowd Watch
To be entirely honest for a club with so many fans I rarely run into a peanut Bomber fan at a game. They're undoubtedly out and about, and let's face it we've got our fair share of nutbags too, but I've had the good fortune to avoid them all. Extra points to the two guys in front of me who were drinking from 1 litre bottles of Solo that clearly did NOT just have Solo in them. Then when they ran out two bottles of Pasito appeared. Smuggling your alcohol through the gate inside the most unfashionable soft drink ever invented? What an angle. If only they'd had the same bag inspection guy that I had ("Want to see my bag?" *silence*) they could have dragged an entire bar in. Ironic given that the the Dome isn't much more than a glorified bar for corporate scum.
Juice Newton Watch
Oh, the player? Well he was alright. The mark he dropped in the last quarter was absolutely criminal but at least he showed life, which is more than you can say for the usually heavily sedated B. Miller. Will undoubtedly get better in the weeks to come if given enough of a chance.
Dome Watch
It's the new Optus Oval - decent enough when half full but an absolute nightmare when a crowd show up. Despite having a reserved ticket it still took me forty minutes to get into the ground
Interesting enough they showed the crowd figure with a special mentioned for the 6000 odd "Ticketed Absentees" who paid their money and didn't bother to turn up. This is definitely something I've never seen before. It might turn into the 2007 equivalent of the St. George kick predictor piece of shit and give bored fans the chance to come up with a random number off the top of their head and then pretend to have a well developed knowledge of football when they get within 50% of the actual answer. Either way I can't believe that so many people actually forked over $'s and didn't bother to show. Obviously here and there people are going to have family emergencies or pick up in the bar before they even get to the ground but 6000 of them? Madness. Interesting a vast number of these empty seats were on the ludicrously expensive Level Two. If you're that keen at throwing your money away feel free to cut me a cheque you elitist bastards.
So yes, we were shit, then we were very good, then we were average, then we were good again, then we were shit again and then the siren went. Another wasted evening that could have been spent with my head in the oven.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
I'm going to be controversial here. I have been a vocal critic of tonight's five point player but apart from anything he actually did with the ball tonight he played his heart out defensively and went into everything like his life depended on it. Put the chicken wire net up to stop the broken bottles hitting me square in the face and step forward,
[4-1 edited the next day due me being a crackhead and forgetting Jeff White]
5 - Simon Godfrey
4 - Jeff White
3 - James McDonald
2 - Travis Johnstone
1 - Russell Robertson
Apologies to Sylvia, Green, Davey, Bate, Bruce, Ward and god knows who else.
Leaderboard
And it's a new leader. Wonderful - now can we start 2008 already?
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
18 - McDonald
11 - Johnstone
11 - Bate
11 - White
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Davey
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Holland
2 - Moloney
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
I've got to get away from football - it's doing my head in. I sit here thinking "one flag and I can at least walk away for a couple of years", but what if the one flag never comes? There was probably a South Melbourne fan saying exactly the same thing in 1952, and you can be sure that he died a week before they finally won the fucking thing. It's the same principle of slaving for forty years to pay off a mortgage and then getting hit by a bus as you cross the road to walk into the bank with the final cheque.
Next Week
You lot can do as you like, I'll be at the Asian Cupsoccer football tournament. Guest reporters will hopefully be filling the not inconsiderable void. If you're lucky they might even bother to analyse the game.
If we had won tonight it would have sent Daniher off the right way and provided a neat ending to a chapter that began all those years ago in Wellington, New Zealand of all places (it's true, look it up). Last week this result wouldn't have haunted me, and next week I'll probably throw my hands up and go "who cares, we always lose to Carlton" but to see the boys throw themselves into the game at a million miles an hour in the last three quarters tonight and to be beaten like that is a heartbreaker of the highest order.
The initial reaction was to question (once again) the wisdom of hiring the fitness guru with the unpronounceable name to help us run games out, but in retrospect I suppose the boys had run themselves into the ground so spectacularly in the second half that it was inevitable that they'd fall apart at the end. It didn't help when Robertson and Neitz suddenly forgot how to kick straight when it really counted - though under the circumstances I choose to believe that they were so desperate to ice the game as a mark of respect to ND that they psyched themselves out of it. Yet somehow we almost got away with it - had somebody just got a fist on that last ball we all we would have had to do is get one kick in right and we would have taken the points in a fairytale result. Yes, I know we rarely get kick-ins right at the best of times but with just six seconds left they could have chipped it short and milked the clock openly.
And who didn't feel like doing exactly what Nathan Brown did after the final siren? Lucky he had (alleged) turf underneath him when he started beating the ground because if we tried that it would have ended in a tragic cavalcade of flying seats and blood splattered across concrete. In the grand scheme of things the result meant absolutely nothing but in context it was so important. Next year/month/week we might not give a toss but at the time it was the footballing equivalent of finding your prom date making out with your dad.
I realised we were in trouble when Brown did his patented "turn around and rush the thing from 30 metres out" move. That's fine against your slop teams but against a highly professional outfit coached by the inventor of pretty much every dubious move in the playbook it's like pouring blood into a shark tank. Then we tried the bullshit 'chip it around' move against a team who do it better than anyone in the game and obviously know how to play against it. Cue it ending in tears and costing us the game.
Yes, before Lucas kicked the goal that put them within six points we were ripped off out of a free kick when Cameron Bruce had the figure four leglock put on him just outside 50, but given that we were on the receiving end of two of the worst free-kicks ever throughout the night I'm not complaining about anything. There was probably some arcane rule that explained the one in the third quarter where the Essendon player bumped Matthew Bate with his body and somehow got done for a push in the back but I must confess, along with 45,000 other people, I was mystified. Then there was a perfect tackle laid on somebody (McDonald? Bruce? Green? Ormond-Allen? I can't farking remember) which was also pinged for in the back. Cue righteous indignation and whispers of a conspiracy from the opposition fans - once again I ask that if the umpires are corrupt in your favour and you're 2-10 how bad would you be if they were AGAINST you? Idiots.
Crowd Watch
To be entirely honest for a club with so many fans I rarely run into a peanut Bomber fan at a game. They're undoubtedly out and about, and let's face it we've got our fair share of nutbags too, but I've had the good fortune to avoid them all. Extra points to the two guys in front of me who were drinking from 1 litre bottles of Solo that clearly did NOT just have Solo in them. Then when they ran out two bottles of Pasito appeared. Smuggling your alcohol through the gate inside the most unfashionable soft drink ever invented? What an angle. If only they'd had the same bag inspection guy that I had ("Want to see my bag?" *silence*) they could have dragged an entire bar in. Ironic given that the the Dome isn't much more than a glorified bar for corporate scum.
Juice Newton Watch
Oh, the player? Well he was alright. The mark he dropped in the last quarter was absolutely criminal but at least he showed life, which is more than you can say for the usually heavily sedated B. Miller. Will undoubtedly get better in the weeks to come if given enough of a chance.
Dome Watch
It's the new Optus Oval - decent enough when half full but an absolute nightmare when a crowd show up. Despite having a reserved ticket it still took me forty minutes to get into the ground
Interesting enough they showed the crowd figure with a special mentioned for the 6000 odd "Ticketed Absentees" who paid their money and didn't bother to turn up. This is definitely something I've never seen before. It might turn into the 2007 equivalent of the St. George kick predictor piece of shit and give bored fans the chance to come up with a random number off the top of their head and then pretend to have a well developed knowledge of football when they get within 50% of the actual answer. Either way I can't believe that so many people actually forked over $'s and didn't bother to show. Obviously here and there people are going to have family emergencies or pick up in the bar before they even get to the ground but 6000 of them? Madness. Interesting a vast number of these empty seats were on the ludicrously expensive Level Two. If you're that keen at throwing your money away feel free to cut me a cheque you elitist bastards.
So yes, we were shit, then we were very good, then we were average, then we were good again, then we were shit again and then the siren went. Another wasted evening that could have been spent with my head in the oven.
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
I'm going to be controversial here. I have been a vocal critic of tonight's five point player but apart from anything he actually did with the ball tonight he played his heart out defensively and went into everything like his life depended on it. Put the chicken wire net up to stop the broken bottles hitting me square in the face and step forward,
[4-1 edited the next day due me being a crackhead and forgetting Jeff White]
5 - Simon Godfrey
4 - Jeff White
3 - James McDonald
2 - Travis Johnstone
1 - Russell Robertson
Apologies to Sylvia, Green, Davey, Bate, Bruce, Ward and god knows who else.
Leaderboard
And it's a new leader. Wonderful - now can we start 2008 already?
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
18 - McDonald
11 - Johnstone
11 - Bate
11 - White
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Davey
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Holland
2 - Moloney
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
I've got to get away from football - it's doing my head in. I sit here thinking "one flag and I can at least walk away for a couple of years", but what if the one flag never comes? There was probably a South Melbourne fan saying exactly the same thing in 1952, and you can be sure that he died a week before they finally won the fucking thing. It's the same principle of slaving for forty years to pay off a mortgage and then getting hit by a bus as you cross the road to walk into the bank with the final cheque.
Next Week
You lot can do as you like, I'll be at the Asian Cup
Thursday, 28 June 2007
End of an era
So that's it then. Neale Daniher has resigned, Mark (who?) Riley will take over as coach for the rest of the year, and the new broom that we were all crying out for is on the way. Just who will be wielding the broom is anybody's guess, and as I'm sure my application won't even be considered I've got no insight into the selection process.
Tomorrow night marks the end of an era that began in the 1998 pre-season and took us from some massive highs (Rd 20, 2005 anyone? 2000 prelim? When we porked Adelaide in the 98 finals?) to some desperate lows (Last week? Most of the 2003 season? Scott Chisholm?) with pretty much everything in between.
Notwithstanding the fact that we never won anything, and have been abysmal this season even when our best players are on the park, I will be the first to rise to applaud Daniher at the conclusion of tomorrow night's game. The man has been a wonderful ambassador for our club in the last few years, and I appreciate what he's done even if I haven't always agreed with it. To be honest there might even be a tear in the eye - after all the man's reign has spanned almost my entire modern football watching life. 1998 is still my favourite season ever and Daniher played a massive part of that.
Amazing isn't it - after being 0-9 we won two in a row and even as much as we knew it wasn't going to happen we let our minds wander for a second to a massive winning streak and the greatest comeback of all time. Then with one solitary performance, against a side that despite being six points behind on the ladder was arguably only one massive thrashing away from being our equal so far this year, all the optimism was swept away in a tidal wave of bitterness and recriminations. Everyone knows ND had lost the fans, but I think it's fair to say that everybody was ten times more bitter with him during the 2003 season than they are now - three straight years of finals will do that for you.
Make no mistake this is the best thing for the club. It's like one of those marriages where both parties realise that after years together that it's all gone completely tits up and that it's better to go their seperate ways. Everyone's still friends - they might hook up with other people in the next couple of years but there will be family reunions and they might get together at Christmas. Maybe they'll talk on the phone - who the fuck knows, I'm really starting to struggle now.
Tomorrow night should be a laugh. Remember if you're planning on going that due to Essendon's deal with the Corporate Dome you've got to buy a reserved ticket. Isn't that farcical? I hate the Dome but I wouldn't miss tomorrow night for the world - goodbye ND, we hardly knew ye. Except that we did.
Tomorrow night marks the end of an era that began in the 1998 pre-season and took us from some massive highs (Rd 20, 2005 anyone? 2000 prelim? When we porked Adelaide in the 98 finals?) to some desperate lows (Last week? Most of the 2003 season? Scott Chisholm?) with pretty much everything in between.
Notwithstanding the fact that we never won anything, and have been abysmal this season even when our best players are on the park, I will be the first to rise to applaud Daniher at the conclusion of tomorrow night's game. The man has been a wonderful ambassador for our club in the last few years, and I appreciate what he's done even if I haven't always agreed with it. To be honest there might even be a tear in the eye - after all the man's reign has spanned almost my entire modern football watching life. 1998 is still my favourite season ever and Daniher played a massive part of that.
Amazing isn't it - after being 0-9 we won two in a row and even as much as we knew it wasn't going to happen we let our minds wander for a second to a massive winning streak and the greatest comeback of all time. Then with one solitary performance, against a side that despite being six points behind on the ladder was arguably only one massive thrashing away from being our equal so far this year, all the optimism was swept away in a tidal wave of bitterness and recriminations. Everyone knows ND had lost the fans, but I think it's fair to say that everybody was ten times more bitter with him during the 2003 season than they are now - three straight years of finals will do that for you.
Make no mistake this is the best thing for the club. It's like one of those marriages where both parties realise that after years together that it's all gone completely tits up and that it's better to go their seperate ways. Everyone's still friends - they might hook up with other people in the next couple of years but there will be family reunions and they might get together at Christmas. Maybe they'll talk on the phone - who the fuck knows, I'm really starting to struggle now.
Tomorrow night should be a laugh. Remember if you're planning on going that due to Essendon's deal with the Corporate Dome you've got to buy a reserved ticket. Isn't that farcical? I hate the Dome but I wouldn't miss tomorrow night for the world - goodbye ND, we hardly knew ye. Except that we did.
Sunday, 24 June 2007
Why bother?
There's no report that can do justice to how bad Friday night was. Richmond turned it up a notch, we turned it down several and unlike last week the umpiring wasn't almost criminally in our favor.
Despite everyone in the world knowing he wouldn't play the master of mind games ND named Neitz anyway. Juice Newton was named as an emergency so after kicking 40 odd goals in the 2nd's this year, and our desperate need to groom a new forward you'd expect he would have played against the bottom team wouldn't you? Instead step forward Adem Yze who did nothing and reinjured himself. We got Paul Johnson at FF instead and he was completely inept in almost every way. So inept in fact that after getting towelled up in the first half down back Ben Holland was thrown up front after half-time. Richmond took this move so seriously that they didn't even give him an opponent until he kicked a goal. Somehow he managed three, but despite our best wishes we were unable to see this in the papers the next day,
Neale Daniher threw much-maligned defender Ben Holland forward after half-time in a cavalier move which saw the Demons charge back from ten goals at the long break to record a hard-fought four point victory. Holland added a career best eight goals including a dramatic winner from 50m on the stroke of the final siren.
Obviously fiction is the only thing we have left this season. Instead we mounted something of a comeback, didn't get back within six goals and were comprehensively tonked by a team who hadn't won in three months. Awful - the difference between our coaching staff and theirs was that obviously Wallace and Co had watched the tape of Queen's Birthday a hundred times, pinpointed every single weakness we had and exploited the fuck out of it. One person who didn't watch the video was the aforementioned B. Holland who tried to do the same armbar he had on Anthony Rocca on Richo and was duly pinged. Did he not think that after a week of every TV show on the face of the planet highlighting just how lucky he was to get away with it that this time he probably wouldn't get away with it. Still, he's actually going to get votes so you can tell how bad this night was.
I got so bored I started spraying our own fans. Memo - when you sit there for four quarters giving opposition fans shit about being poor and living in cardboard boxes you are contributing to everything that people hate about our fans. The moment you open the stereotype file then it's your duty to bend over and cop every ill-informed cliche about Range Rovers and skiing trips that the other lot dish out - YOU HAVE NO MORAL HIGH GROUND. Stupid people need to be told they're stupid.
Apparently the players want to keep Daniher. I've got a simple way to get around that - get some new players.
Votes
Jesus this will be hard
5 - Jeff White (?)
4 - Matthew Bate (??)
3 - Brad Green (???)
2 - Aaron Davey (????)
1 - Ben Holland (?????????????????????????????????????????????)
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Leaderboard
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
15 - McDonald
11 - Bate
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year - any danger he might be seen again before the new millenium?)
10 - Davey
9 - Johnstone
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
7 - Sylvia
7 - White
6 - Neitz
5 - Yze
5 - Robertson
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Godfrey
3 - Holland
2 - Moloney
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Next Week
After being torn up by Richmond what do you think Lloyd and Lucas are going to do to us? I'm going to slash my wrists in level three of the Corporate Dome ten minutes into the first quarter.
Despite everyone in the world knowing he wouldn't play the master of mind games ND named Neitz anyway. Juice Newton was named as an emergency so after kicking 40 odd goals in the 2nd's this year, and our desperate need to groom a new forward you'd expect he would have played against the bottom team wouldn't you? Instead step forward Adem Yze who did nothing and reinjured himself. We got Paul Johnson at FF instead and he was completely inept in almost every way. So inept in fact that after getting towelled up in the first half down back Ben Holland was thrown up front after half-time. Richmond took this move so seriously that they didn't even give him an opponent until he kicked a goal. Somehow he managed three, but despite our best wishes we were unable to see this in the papers the next day,
Neale Daniher threw much-maligned defender Ben Holland forward after half-time in a cavalier move which saw the Demons charge back from ten goals at the long break to record a hard-fought four point victory. Holland added a career best eight goals including a dramatic winner from 50m on the stroke of the final siren.
Obviously fiction is the only thing we have left this season. Instead we mounted something of a comeback, didn't get back within six goals and were comprehensively tonked by a team who hadn't won in three months. Awful - the difference between our coaching staff and theirs was that obviously Wallace and Co had watched the tape of Queen's Birthday a hundred times, pinpointed every single weakness we had and exploited the fuck out of it. One person who didn't watch the video was the aforementioned B. Holland who tried to do the same armbar he had on Anthony Rocca on Richo and was duly pinged. Did he not think that after a week of every TV show on the face of the planet highlighting just how lucky he was to get away with it that this time he probably wouldn't get away with it. Still, he's actually going to get votes so you can tell how bad this night was.
I got so bored I started spraying our own fans. Memo - when you sit there for four quarters giving opposition fans shit about being poor and living in cardboard boxes you are contributing to everything that people hate about our fans. The moment you open the stereotype file then it's your duty to bend over and cop every ill-informed cliche about Range Rovers and skiing trips that the other lot dish out - YOU HAVE NO MORAL HIGH GROUND. Stupid people need to be told they're stupid.
Apparently the players want to keep Daniher. I've got a simple way to get around that - get some new players.
Votes
Jesus this will be hard
5 - Jeff White (?)
4 - Matthew Bate (??)
3 - Brad Green (???)
2 - Aaron Davey (????)
1 - Ben Holland (?????????????????????????????????????????????)
2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Leaderboard
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
15 - McDonald
11 - Bate
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year - any danger he might be seen again before the new millenium?)
10 - Davey
9 - Johnstone
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
7 - Sylvia
7 - White
6 - Neitz
5 - Yze
5 - Robertson
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Godfrey
3 - Holland
2 - Moloney
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Next Week
After being torn up by Richmond what do you think Lloyd and Lucas are going to do to us? I'm going to slash my wrists in level three of the Corporate Dome ten minutes into the first quarter.
Monday, 11 June 2007
From the Rubble to the Ritz
It's obvious to anyone that Collingwood have become our customers over the last few years, but even if you account for actually winning a game last week did you really think we'd knock them over today? I tipped us but my performance in that field is so awful this year that you had to go for upsets in a round like this. But we did, so there you go. A neat win for sure, but not without it's nervous moments and certainly not without having the benefit of some truly shit umpiring going our way for the first time this season.
A moment please, before we begin, for my mate who bet on Matthew Bate to kick the first goal at 17-1. We know he's not great off a set shot but 40m out directly in front you would have expected him to kick it and set off wild scenes. Takes the mark, botches the kick and tears almost rolled inside the top deck of the Southern Stand. Could have set the tone for the whole day but instead provided the launching pad for a riotous first quarter where we played the Pies off the park and looked more and more like the Melbourne of old. When Simon Godfrey sidestepped half the Pies team and kicked a goal in the early minutes of the 2nd quarter we were 5+ goals up and looking comfortable. Naturally we all knew it'd go backwards, and it did, but as long as you get a result in the end who gives a toss?
From the "it's funny when it doesn't happen to us" file was the reaction of the Pies fans to the serious of farcical umpiring decisions across the first half which completely rorted them. Of course the problem becomes that once people are convinced there's a conspiracy against them (and fuck me if there's corruption in favor of us it's not exactly helping this year, I'd hate to see what it would be like if they were 'against' us) then they become even more irrational about things to the point where they're insufferably annoying and refuse to accept even the most blatant free-kick in history. The only thing worse is the insistence of claiming 'deliberate' on anything that goes even near the boundary line after their side has been pinged.
The sad fact about deliberate decisions is that they're so randomly dragged out that nobody has confidence in them - this does not mean that it's funny to shout "DELIBERATE" two quarters later, and after your side has been on the lucky end of one. Then there's the disgraceful human beings who were yelling it every time the ball even went NEAR the fucking boundary line. Gas the lot of them. Naturally the moment the third quarter began and they got a series of shocking decisions it was all applause and good tidings - the dirty hypocrites.
Congratulations to the umpires for rewarding this hypocrisy by turning around and rorting them again in the final term. The biggest winner of the day was Ben Holland who should have given away at least three free kicks to Anthony Rocca and somebody got away with all of them. At one point he had him in an armbar that would get you a start in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Somewhere Rickson Gracie was on his feet applauding the pure submission power of the man, but the umpire in charge had absolutely no interest in it. An absolute scandal but who cares eh fellow fans? *wink* *wink* Though had it been on the other hand we'd have been throwing molotov cocktails at Andrew Demetriou's car.
We really should have put the game away in the second quarter. Robertson had already added three before he hit the post and missed a couple of difficult ones, and both Paul Johnson (x2), Brock, Jones and Bizzell missed extremely kickable shots during the half. The trend continued in the third and by the time we turned for the last break we'd added 3.8 to 7.8 after the first quarter. They were within three points and you would have expected them to run right over the top - obviously nobody told Russell Robertson and in his finest performance since the greatest game ever he added another two in the opening minutes of the last term to give us breathing space. Davey kicked another and we were seemingly home.
Had "hey, it worked once in the NAB Cup" set-play where you handball it to Wheatley outside 50 and he belts one worked after a mark to James McDonald it could have been signed, sealed and delivered. As it was the Pies were still in it. Ben Johnson kicked one to make it interesting, after Brock copped a 50 for assaulting a row of seats with a football (we still love you son...) and Leon Davis did something for the first time all day to make it a 7pt game and it started to get a bit close for my liking. Brad Green then stood up with two massive marks inside 50 to repel the Pies and despite Nathan Jones briefly forgetting how to play and launching two farcical kicks out of defensive 50, we held on to win with Robbo booting his seventh after the siren and after some mutant had lobbed a can at him.
Cue the 20,000 legitimate fans we have going bananas, the 10,000 once a year bandwagon scum clapping politely and trying not to drop their prawn sandwiches and 40,000 other idiots going AWOL about the umpiring. Sadly there's only so much you can blame the officials for - was it their fault that Toovey fell on his arse twice in the last quarter and gifted Robbo goals? Is it part of the great AFL conspiracy that Travis Cloke can snag one from 50m out but miss from 15? What about when Simon Godfrey sells a dummy on your backline and kicks a goal? Idiots.
Random notable highlights of the day were quality spin-moves executed by Jones and McLean. It was like some terrible 80's video game where you pressed a button and your player darted around the opposition. Jones' in particular was quality - he needs to calm down a bit towards the end of the game but fark the New Next Big Thing is a top talent. Sylvia was also selling dummies left, right and centre - he is starting to wind up and if he can avoid getting injured for more than ten minutes at a time should feature prominently next year.
God Save The Queen? Well I don't support either of the institutions they represent but as it means a cheap four points every year then I'll be front row centre for it.
2007 ALLEN JAKOVICH MEDAL VOTES
5 - Robertson
4 - McLean
3 - Wheatley
2 - Holland (!?)
1 - Bate
Apologies to Bell, Bizzell, Bruce, Green, Johnson, Jones, McDonald, Sylvia and Ward. I thought Davey was fairly rotten on the day but you can never fault him for putting in the effort, and it's impossible to gauge defensive pressure by reading a stats sheet. So he's still tops in my book.
LEADERBOARD
19 - Bruce
15 - McDonald
15 - Green
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - Johnstone
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
8 - Davey
7 - Sylvia
7 - Bate
6 - Neitz
5 - Yze
5 - Robertson
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Godfrey
2 - Moloney
2 - Holland
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - White
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Crowd Watch
Mutants to a man. The Ugly Dave Gray award for worst sledge of the week goes to the clown who thought "Cameron BOOOOOOOOOOS" was quality comedy. The day I crack a million dollars in the lottery (which will be hard seeing as I never enter it..) is the day I buy a superbox and get away from 'the people' forever.
Next Week
Nothing - just when we start winning as well. The split round means a break until Friday week when we will SURELY rumble Richmond at the G. However now that you expect a victory they'll probably get rolled. At least those of you who like to get amongst it with opposition supporters can finally invite somebody to "look at the ladder".
Miller kicked six for Sandringham but is as unlikely to repeat that in the 1's as I am of being elected Secretary General of the UN so he can stay there.
Next Year
Whether or not we end up with a new coach or not (and the way we're going ND will pull off the biggest comeback since Lazarus and survive) there is everything to look forward to next year. Barring another black death injury plague McLean, Sylvia, Bate, Jones, Dunn, Petterd, Dunn and Moloney are going to run riot over the next couple of years - all we need is another FF option for when Neitz's body inevitably falls apart, a CHF (although... Bate?) and another key defender to play the Holland role when he is inevitably given the big A at the end of the year.
Anything else to add? Err, we're 14 games away from winning the flag if you want to look at it that way...
A moment please, before we begin, for my mate who bet on Matthew Bate to kick the first goal at 17-1. We know he's not great off a set shot but 40m out directly in front you would have expected him to kick it and set off wild scenes. Takes the mark, botches the kick and tears almost rolled inside the top deck of the Southern Stand. Could have set the tone for the whole day but instead provided the launching pad for a riotous first quarter where we played the Pies off the park and looked more and more like the Melbourne of old. When Simon Godfrey sidestepped half the Pies team and kicked a goal in the early minutes of the 2nd quarter we were 5+ goals up and looking comfortable. Naturally we all knew it'd go backwards, and it did, but as long as you get a result in the end who gives a toss?
From the "it's funny when it doesn't happen to us" file was the reaction of the Pies fans to the serious of farcical umpiring decisions across the first half which completely rorted them. Of course the problem becomes that once people are convinced there's a conspiracy against them (and fuck me if there's corruption in favor of us it's not exactly helping this year, I'd hate to see what it would be like if they were 'against' us) then they become even more irrational about things to the point where they're insufferably annoying and refuse to accept even the most blatant free-kick in history. The only thing worse is the insistence of claiming 'deliberate' on anything that goes even near the boundary line after their side has been pinged.
The sad fact about deliberate decisions is that they're so randomly dragged out that nobody has confidence in them - this does not mean that it's funny to shout "DELIBERATE" two quarters later, and after your side has been on the lucky end of one. Then there's the disgraceful human beings who were yelling it every time the ball even went NEAR the fucking boundary line. Gas the lot of them. Naturally the moment the third quarter began and they got a series of shocking decisions it was all applause and good tidings - the dirty hypocrites.
Congratulations to the umpires for rewarding this hypocrisy by turning around and rorting them again in the final term. The biggest winner of the day was Ben Holland who should have given away at least three free kicks to Anthony Rocca and somebody got away with all of them. At one point he had him in an armbar that would get you a start in the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Somewhere Rickson Gracie was on his feet applauding the pure submission power of the man, but the umpire in charge had absolutely no interest in it. An absolute scandal but who cares eh fellow fans? *wink* *wink* Though had it been on the other hand we'd have been throwing molotov cocktails at Andrew Demetriou's car.
We really should have put the game away in the second quarter. Robertson had already added three before he hit the post and missed a couple of difficult ones, and both Paul Johnson (x2), Brock, Jones and Bizzell missed extremely kickable shots during the half. The trend continued in the third and by the time we turned for the last break we'd added 3.8 to 7.8 after the first quarter. They were within three points and you would have expected them to run right over the top - obviously nobody told Russell Robertson and in his finest performance since the greatest game ever he added another two in the opening minutes of the last term to give us breathing space. Davey kicked another and we were seemingly home.
Had "hey, it worked once in the NAB Cup" set-play where you handball it to Wheatley outside 50 and he belts one worked after a mark to James McDonald it could have been signed, sealed and delivered. As it was the Pies were still in it. Ben Johnson kicked one to make it interesting, after Brock copped a 50 for assaulting a row of seats with a football (we still love you son...) and Leon Davis did something for the first time all day to make it a 7pt game and it started to get a bit close for my liking. Brad Green then stood up with two massive marks inside 50 to repel the Pies and despite Nathan Jones briefly forgetting how to play and launching two farcical kicks out of defensive 50, we held on to win with Robbo booting his seventh after the siren and after some mutant had lobbed a can at him.
Cue the 20,000 legitimate fans we have going bananas, the 10,000 once a year bandwagon scum clapping politely and trying not to drop their prawn sandwiches and 40,000 other idiots going AWOL about the umpiring. Sadly there's only so much you can blame the officials for - was it their fault that Toovey fell on his arse twice in the last quarter and gifted Robbo goals? Is it part of the great AFL conspiracy that Travis Cloke can snag one from 50m out but miss from 15? What about when Simon Godfrey sells a dummy on your backline and kicks a goal? Idiots.
Random notable highlights of the day were quality spin-moves executed by Jones and McLean. It was like some terrible 80's video game where you pressed a button and your player darted around the opposition. Jones' in particular was quality - he needs to calm down a bit towards the end of the game but fark the New Next Big Thing is a top talent. Sylvia was also selling dummies left, right and centre - he is starting to wind up and if he can avoid getting injured for more than ten minutes at a time should feature prominently next year.
God Save The Queen? Well I don't support either of the institutions they represent but as it means a cheap four points every year then I'll be front row centre for it.
2007 ALLEN JAKOVICH MEDAL VOTES
5 - Robertson
4 - McLean
3 - Wheatley
2 - Holland (!?)
1 - Bate
Apologies to Bell, Bizzell, Bruce, Green, Johnson, Jones, McDonald, Sylvia and Ward. I thought Davey was fairly rotten on the day but you can never fault him for putting in the effort, and it's impossible to gauge defensive pressure by reading a stats sheet. So he's still tops in my book.
LEADERBOARD
19 - Bruce
15 - McDonald
15 - Green
10 - Rivers (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - Johnstone
9 - Jones
8 - Miller
8 - Davey
7 - Sylvia
7 - Bate
6 - Neitz
5 - Yze
5 - Robertson
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Wheatley
4 - Bizzell
4 - McLean
3 - Godfrey
2 - Moloney
2 - Holland
2 - Dunn
2 - Brown
2 - White
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett
Crowd Watch
Mutants to a man. The Ugly Dave Gray award for worst sledge of the week goes to the clown who thought "Cameron BOOOOOOOOOOS" was quality comedy. The day I crack a million dollars in the lottery (which will be hard seeing as I never enter it..) is the day I buy a superbox and get away from 'the people' forever.
Next Week
Nothing - just when we start winning as well. The split round means a break until Friday week when we will SURELY rumble Richmond at the G. However now that you expect a victory they'll probably get rolled. At least those of you who like to get amongst it with opposition supporters can finally invite somebody to "look at the ladder".
Miller kicked six for Sandringham but is as unlikely to repeat that in the 1's as I am of being elected Secretary General of the UN so he can stay there.
Next Year
Whether or not we end up with a new coach or not (and the way we're going ND will pull off the biggest comeback since Lazarus and survive) there is everything to look forward to next year. Barring another black death injury plague McLean, Sylvia, Bate, Jones, Dunn, Petterd, Dunn and Moloney are going to run riot over the next couple of years - all we need is another FF option for when Neitz's body inevitably falls apart, a CHF (although... Bate?) and another key defender to play the Holland role when he is inevitably given the big A at the end of the year.
Anything else to add? Err, we're 14 games away from winning the flag if you want to look at it that way...
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