Tuesday, 24 July 2007

Notes From A Scandal

Well what else is there to say? The season not only goes from bad to worse on-field, but it's threatening to fall apart something shocking off field as well. Crowd watch? What fucking crowd? Melbourne fans have officially proven themselves to be as weak as piss. Who would have ever thought that we'd have been outdrawn by North in a Melbourne game. The twilight football shite didn't help, but fucking hell there must have been 5000 of our people there at the absolute maximum. If we had a run like Carlton have had for the last five years we'd either be playing on the Gold Coast or in the tip a'la Fitzroy.

The game itself? Well you all know what happened by now. We did nothing after the 20 minute mark of the first quarter, Juice Newton took mark of the year and we mounted the pissiest comeback of all time at the end of the third quarter. Positively thrilling stuff - I don't know why I showed up, but I did because this club runs in my veins like drugs.

There really is nothing else to say. Our season has hit a depressing low and the suggestion that somehow we're going to end up with Chris Connolly as the coach makes it that much worse. Who in their right mind is going to employ him as our coach? What has he ever done at Fremantle? If you can't coach a team with Pavlich up front how are you going to get anywhere with Brad Miller? Fuck that for a joke - I've said it before and I'll say it again I want THE JUNKYARD DOG. When was the last time we had a coach who reminded you of a serial killer? All this softly softly stuff has gotten us nowhere, we need a psycho. Vote 1 JYD.

2007 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes

So? Catch up votes for what I've missed? Why not. For the Carlton and Brisbane games I'll use the top 5 in the BigFooty forum voting. So if you've got any problems with it blame yourself and your peers not me. How the hell was I supposed to know what was actually going on from a dodgy internet cafe half the world away?

vs. Carlton

5 - Wheatley
4 - Bate
3 - McDonald
2 - White
1 - Bizzell

And congratulations to Mark Riley for winning his first game. Odds on he'll do a Greg Hutchison and not win again until Round 22. And then end up at Richmond or something, the poor bastard.

vs. Brisbane/Fitzroy Bears/Lions (delete as applicable)

5 - McLean
4 - McDonald
3 - Brown
2 - Wheatley
1 - Jones

No apologies to Davey who needs a swift kick in the arse for getting himself suspended. If we were legitimate about player discipline he'd come back via the 2nd's - and as an additional bonus all you swine who want us to tank it would be getting something as well.

vs. North Melbourne
5 - Jones
4 - Moloney
3 - Newton
2 - McDonald
1 - Bizzell

Apologies and no apologies simultaneously to Sylvia who went missing in the second quarter after being prominent first up.


And on the back of three straight scores in Cam Bruce's absence the Junior Burger storms to the top of the pops at a million miles an hour. Wheatley also storms out of midfield and into the upper echelon on the back of two top weeks in a row, and takes what might be an unbeatable shock lead in the Seecamp Medal count for defender of the year. Juice Newton scores his first points of the year and with Petterd out for the season the big man is every possible chance of adding the prestigious Jeff Hilton Medal to his Mark Of the Year award.

27 - McDonald
19 - Bruce
18 - Green
15 - Bate
15 - Jones
13 - White
12 - Wheatley (Leader: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
11 - Johnstone
10 - Rivers
10 - Davey
9 - McLean
8 - Miller
8 - Godfrey
7 - Sylvia
6 - Neitz
6 - Robertson
6 - Bizzell
6 - Moloney
5 - Yze
5 - Bell
5 - Petterd (Leader: Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
5 - Brown
3 - Holland
3 - Newton
2 - Dunn
2 - Carroll
1 - Pickett

Next Week
Port Adelaide at Football Park on Sunday. They will beat us like w stole something. Be afraid, be very afraid. To be honest I doubt we'll win another game before Round 22, which will make the game against Carlton VERY interesting. I'd like to think that neither team would chuck the game - in fact I almost know it - but if I have to sit next to some spastic who is cheering against their own side for four quarters I might be moved to glass somebody.

Next Season
Unless we can line up some decent replacements Ward, Wheatley, Godfrey and Bizzell have earned themselves another season in my book. As always though I know fuck all so your opinion and that of the footballing world may differ.

Holland - will go.

Jamar - isn't up to it. Has been passed by Johnson and is looking increasingly like he'll never step up to the plate.

Brown - I appreciate his hard work but he's past it, and has the misfortune of being in a dime-a-dozen position.

Miller - We need to trade Miller him for anything we can get as he will never, EVER be a key player for us.

Yze - Needs to be quietly informed that his time has passed and that he'd be better off pulling the pin.

Carroll - If we could find a better full-back he'd be relegated back to playing Ben Holland as the 2nd string key defender.

Warnock - Only survives because of our criminally shit backline depth.

Johnson - Will get another chance but next year needs to be a breakout year or he'll be lining up in the Diamond Valley league.

Neitz - Will play next year but the poor bastard is rapidly falling apart. How much of the season will he actually manage?

Robertson - See above. Has a bit more in the tank than Neitz but is still likely to completely fall apart at any minute. Get the bulk sticky-tape order ready, it's going to be an interesting year.

White - Has shown a bit in the last few weeks, but doesn't have a tremendously long time left at the top. A ruckman would go nicely alongside a key-position player.

Johnstone - I'll be the first to start the controversy. If we're going to rebuild in even the smallest possible fashion then he is our most expendable senior player. We've got midfielders coming out the arse so if we can use him as part of a ploy to land a key position player or another top 20 pick in the draft then I'm up for it. The naysayers will say nay and the 20,000 members we have who didn't show up on Sunday night will all threaten not to buy memberships next season. Doesn't matter anyway - when Connolly becomes coach nobody will buy one anyway. With apologies - OUT.

Pickett - Cheers for the second half of last year, shame it didn't quite work out. Good luck for the future.

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