Saturday, 18 June 2005

Cover My Ass Corner

Did you know? Of Melbourne's four losses this season I've been present for one and a half quarters. Alternatively I've seen us win everything else bar, I think, North in Canberra. Now that's what I call a good luck charm. My only blogworthy moment of the day was desperately trying to find somewhere to watch (or listen to) the last quarter in Port Melbourne, stumbling into Rex Hunt's Ye Olde Fish Shoppe (or whatever it's called) thinking that it's the most obvious place in the world for it - only to find them pumping out shitty Top 40 music at a million decibels. Shattered.

So on that note we're proud to present the inaugural Every Day Is Like Sunday guest report. From Peter of Glutbusters. Read this report first, then read that as well. I heartily concur with his analysis regarding the Perfect Strangers theme song and would recommend that Port Adelaide adopt a version of it immediately.

Erm.. anyway. Here he is,


Let me start off this special guest match report by stating
officially for the record that Chris Heffernan is not a footballer.
Certainly, he does an excellent impression - all neat uniform and
silky skills. However, that key footballing attribute - the ability,
nay, desire, to obtain the football - is absent from Heffernan's
player profile. Sure, if the ball is to come his way, and he is able
to grab it without exerting a great deal of effort, he might just
grab it. He may even pass it on to a team mate. Any more than that,
I'm afraid, is dreaming.

Memo Neale: Steven Armstrong, Daniel Ward, Daniel Bell. Think about
it. God, even consider Luke Williams. At least he wants it occasionally.

So. To the G. Things were looking bad when our banner ripped, in the
words of Gerard Whately, like one of Hulk Hogan's T-shirts. Think
back to the '87 elimination final against North. Their banner did the
same thing. Result: Dees by 20 goals. We had been forewarned.

But, you know what, it didn't look all that bad from the start. It
was a bit ominous early, with Matera snagging one and Judd looking
generally destructive. But Brucey sooned quietened him down and we
got a bit of a run on - 4 on the trot in fact. Even big Ben Holland
(all's forgiven, Ben, I didn't mean a word) drilling a monster from
55. Davey had it on a string. Damn, we were looking good. But then...
Matera. Bobbed up for another 3. Whelan as loose as granny's
underpants. Dees go into quarter time 9 points down.

And to be honest, it didn't get much better. Travis racked up
possession after possession, but damaging? No. Coughing it up twice
going into half-forward? Yep. Dees slow, behind, missing targets by
hand and by foot. White getting towelled by Cox. No targets up
forward. Yze, shame shame shame, hanging back for easy kicks. Not
chasing, not contesting, and worst of all, missing two MASSIVE set
shots from the pockets in the third. If there wasn't that consecutive
games record that we're hanging onto BY RIGHTS (Jim Stynes, I will
always love you, you big lug), I'd suggest a run in the twos. Harsh?

The last saw me faced with that most hideous of choices: with a
comeback on the cards, did I emotionally invest? Could I bear not
only an afternoon's worth of sub-standard midfield work, but to have
my heart broken as our run home was snuffed out as well? Could I do
it? Could I fuck. Brucey had a million touches, Trav hitting tit
again. Wheels in the forward line and doing alright. Robbo putting
everything on the line and being the key forward target that Ben
Holland, bless his heart, just wasn't up to. Judd who?

Ah, fuck it. Robbo hit the post. Daniel Kerr got a million clearances
and we were gone. Five day break, my arse. We missed targets and we
missed them all day. No excuses.

The worst thing? Not only do we get done but we have to listen to
that FUCKING TERRIBLE SONG. I'd rather be beaten by Richmond. At
least you get the "yellow and black!".

The Demonblog / Glutbusters votes:

5. Travis Johnstone - again.
4. Russell Robertson - is there a limit to this man's workrate? No.
3. Brad Green - worked his arse off and got nothing for it.
2. Aaron Davey - 4 goals. Did his job.
1. Paul Wheatley - pretty much shut Matera down after quarter time
and got a few kicks himself.

Honourable mentions: Ben Holland - good bustling, Nathan Brown - ran
hard, Cameron Bruce - but one great quarter is not enough, Brad
Miller - presented as always, Colin Sylvia - showed a bit of toe -
he'll be a superstar, and then go to Adelaide (no, Scott, the wounds
have not yet healed).

Cheers Peter. Even if the Luke Williams comment caused me anguish. The Player of the Year leaderboard - now complete with new leader - looks like this,

22 - Travis Johnstone
17 - Cameron Bruce
15 - Brad Green
12 - Russell Robertson
11 - Adem Yze
9 - Brock McLean
6 - Ryan Ferguson, Clint Bizzell
5 - Brent Moloney, Jared Rivers, Aaron Davey
4 - Alistair Nicholson
3 - James McDonald, Brad Miller, Nathan Brown
2 - Paul Wheatley
1 - Russell Robertson, Colin Sylvia, Matthew Whelan

Next Week: Nothing at all. Let's all go and watch Sandringham or Prahran in the Amateurs or something. The week after, however, TSP is on tour in Brisbane. Full preview, action, reaction and court summary after that game.

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