Sunday, 3 July 2005

Rubbish exported

Must we? Really? I could sum it all up in a few brief sentences. The entire state of Queensland is for the tip, interstate football should be abolished and Melbourne's status as 2005 Premiership contenders has been downgraded to "You're kidding".

After three days in the Sunshine Coast (more like the Pissing down with rain and enough humidity to kill an elephant Coast) I'd lost the plot by the time I'd even entered the city of Brisbane. I then proceeded to drive around the place in circles at the whim of their thousands of one way streets. I ended up on the same random freeway twice before I even found the Gabba. Then I promptly lost it again. By the time I got there, still hours.. HOURS early I was off the planet. It was all a case of "let's lose already so I can go home".

The game kicks off and I'm lucky enough to be sitting next to one of those immensely annoying opposition fans who clearly has NO idea what he/she is watching and just cheers when everyone else does. The only problem being that this clown was there with six or seven Melbourne fans who not only indulged him but did their own version of it. Terrible.

So the game starts and within a few minutes we're three goals down and Daniel Bradshaw is running riot. By quarter time he'd run the suddenly unfashionable A. Nicholson around like an adult playing footy with a kid and helped himself to five goals. That's the last thing I needed - to see a record go down and watch some idiot kick 21. The only thing I can think at this point (other than "this state should be closed down") is "It's probably better to get flogged than to lose a close one" Then the 2nd starts, Nicholson sits on the bench, Miller goes back onto Bradshaw instead and things begin to pick up. Suddenly by the 20 minute mark we're in front. In the words of internet kiddies everywhere... WTF! Totally undeserved, and five minutes later we're three goals down again. Nice while it lasted I suppose, and we were hardly dead come the long break.

Now.. Could they have tried Holland on Brown and Rivers on Bradshaw? I've never pretended to be a cultural observer of the game - so feel free to point out if my grand scheme is bollocks - but it would have been worth a try. We did make a significant comeback when Miller took Bradshaw but it wasn't to much avail as we kept getting slaughtered in that last kick before 50.

The "Premiership Quarter" (as complete wankers are want to say) really finished us off. Eight goals to two and Captain Clown next to me was starting to fire up. Probably something to do with the colossal intake of alcohol that he'd racked up throughout the evening. In fact I was seated in knobhead central. It was full of idiot locals just yelling out stupid things and laughing heartily. I think I'd rather go to Adelaide and get my head kicked in out the back of the carpark than have to put up with another year of completely ignorant Sydney or Brisbane fans sitting around me.

We went to the last change 38 points down. I attempted to console myself with the fact that I'd seen us throw away a bigger 3/4 time lead (once in 15 years) and that we were at least some chance. Then we copped seven goals to two and were pounded into the ground unmercifully. Just get off. I've totally forgotten what else happened - the only other thing I remember was finally biting on one of the "witty" comments from bandwagon idiot next to me. As the two Melbourne fans in front of me fled, lest they see signs of unbridled passion from the pissed crunts around them, he let rip with a bit of the old "Hrrr hrrr hrr GO HOME.. Hrr hrr hrr. Mexicans!" and I just lost the plot with a big "YEAHTHEQUICKERWEGETOUTOFTHISSHITHOUSESTATETHEBETTER" and just turned away so if I was to get any response it would be a right hook to the head. Disappointed to go unbeaten. Badge of honor and all that shit.

They won and surprise, surprise the words to the song STILL come up on the scoreboard. Three flags and four grand finals in a row and they still don't know the words. What an embarassment. May as well have slammed the Brisbane Bears ("DARE TO BEAT THE BEAR") song on instead and see if anyone could tell the difference.


5 - Colin Sylvia (We instantly looked better when he came on.
4 - Travis Johnstone (In his weekly appearance...)
3 - Brad Green (Pff.. I don't know. He kicks straight)
2 - Russell Robertson (Still playing his best season yet)
1 - Brent Moloney (Fell in by default because he went at it all night)


26 - Travis Johnstone
18 - Brad Green
17 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Russell Robertson
11 - Adem Yze
9 - Brock McLean
6 - Ryan Ferguson, Clint Bizzell, Colin Sylvia, Brent Moloney
5 - Jared Rivers, Aaron Davey
4 - Alistair Nicholson
3 - James McDonald, Brad Miller, Nathan Brown, Russell Robertson
2 - Paul Wheatley
1 - Matthew Whelan

Negatives to Nathan Brown (worst game in years), Al Nicholson (erase all memories of the night from your mind) and Queensland as a whole. Biggest minus points ever to me - for the second time this season - for completely forgetting to find anywhere to stay and ending up sleeping for an hour in a car outside the airport. Farcical.

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