If you're going to get a surprise farewell present from your employer, Simon Goodwin's million dollar payout sure beats the usual trifecta of flowers, card, and awkward morning tea. Even better when the money funds a mid-career break, hanging out on the boundary line of the top team in the competition. In our first meeting with the only living MFC premiership coach, I'm sure Goodwin was more interested in getting a win with his new side than what his exes are up to, but must have been absolutely baffled to see us score 114 points and lose. That used to be good for a six goal win in his glory days. More familiar elements of our performance would've been mad panic bombing to a crowded forward line, a key defender thrashing Charlie Curnow before ending up on the losing side, and some random Kingsley kandidate running riot in a performance he'll never go close to repeating.
Ask me next Sunday how I feel about this result. I'm pleased at the way we ran it out just when it looked like the Swans were going to pile on 15 goals to nil, but the last time we had a game against a NSW side where you had to wait a week to play at Docklands and find out if the form was real, North beat us by 10 goals. So, if we do as expected against a team that's been losing games by a hundred points for fun, I'll admit this was a hard-fought, honourable defeat. If not, it won't matter because I'll be floating face down in Docklands Harbour.
There was a lot to like about this performance, especially after losing the great forward line straightener-upperer to injury early in the first quarter. But then there's also conceding 19.17 to a wide variety of players, many who were at the end of a production line of free men strung from one end of the ground to the other. But no need to be excessively sour, Sydney has achieved Geelong-style unflushable nugget status and bounced back from a down season to be good again. Bring back the shabby 2025 edition we beat so easily that Mrs. Petracca swore on TV (before they still won five more games).
Adjusted for quality of opposition, that was Goodwin's last really good win as coach. Maybe his learnings and connection dossier came in handy for the Swans here? I'd like to think he was a bit downhearted at how many points we were conceding, but I blame the speed the ball went down there at, and all the uncontested possessions along the way. When we slowed them down enough to force contests the backmen were fine - and in the case of Turner, extremely good - but when we turned the ball over they were left trying to guard so many free players we should've called for a head count.
In a week of trying to invoke the Spirit of '21 with an early season off-field purge, it was back to the recently much-loved 3.15 Sunday slot. Different CG, different result, but as if any of us expected to be involved in a top four clash at this (or any) point of the season. Now that I've got a taste for winning, I didn't like the alternative but appreciated fighting it out until the end.
For all the shit Kayo gets for being expensive and unreliable, I appreciated watching this game with one of the all time most sensible commentary teams. Ok, they called Fritsch "Fritz" all day, but otherwise until Jason Bennett's calling career is revived, I'll have Matt Hill and Corbin Middlemas every week. Often, you get one sensible commentator and one person who gives you the shits, but this was sensible people treating a decent game with the respect it deserved, while not trying to pretend it was an all-time classic. More of this combination please. I don't know how long Fox will keep doing its own broadcast, but going back to the likes of BT after this would be torture.
Not that you'd ever know from the outside, but the ex-coach must've been having kittens at a five goal apiece first quarter. It was all very exciting stuff, with players bombing out of the middle like express trains, fast ball movement, and van Rooyen kicking an absolute belter of a snap from the pocket for our opening goal. Unfortunately, he went on to set what must be the all-time AFL record for the highest ratio of a player getting their hands to the ball without taking marks. We know he can do it, but is it time to start casting nervous sideways glances and wondering if he's ever going to be anything more than a handy forward? This became particularly relevant when Mihocek's hammy went early, leaving a JVR/Jeffo forward combination that I'm not sure van Rooyen was ready to be the senior partner in.
The injury meant Gawn spent a lot of time forward, which was a great opportunity for Max Heath to plant the flag as a solid prospect for the future. Replacing Max will be like when Matthew Knights had to follow Kevin Sheedy and all the Essendon fans were like: "Well, why aren't you winning premierships like he did?" about 10 minutes later, but he was really good here. Solid presence in the middle (and even when there was a communication error and he did a fancy backwards tap while everyone else was running forward, the tap was a thing of beauty) and very good around the ground.
I'm glad we're able to give him solid development time, but in a case of 'be careful what you wish for', it means not playing Maximum to his full advantage when he's got plenty more to give. Not to mention that he's far more likely to suffer some horrendous injury after a tangle of limbs inside 50. I don't give a rat's if he gets another All-Australian because it won't be required to confirm his Hall of Fame status, but I'm torn between preparing for the post-Gawn era and wanting to see him hunting around the ground pulling down contested marks everywhere he goes. Reasonable problem to have, but for the love of all that is holy, on the tragic day when Max pulls up stumps, can the second ruckman be somebody who is primarily a forward but can ruck as well?
Gawn did kick two goals, which was probably taken in some circles as justification that the plan to play him alongside Grundy could've worked. But while I appreciate Brodie's brief stay with us, and how he didn't chuck a plate of fingerfood when overlooked in a final for Schache to be an unused sub, imagine all the Max gold we'd have missed over the last couple of years if he'd spent much more time forward? Maybe he'd have given us a lifelong memory by kicking 9.14 one day, but trying to fit them both into one team was an odd idea. It's like signing the world's best goalkeepers and playing one of them as a striker for half the game.
It was an odd but enthralling (for neutrals anyway) first quarter. At one point, Windsor cancelled their goal that cancelled our goal by flying out of the centre like a greyhound let loose from a trap, only for Sydney to cancel the cancellation of the cancellation. They looked far more likely to score when they got the ball, but so did Gold Coast a few weeks ago and look what we did to them? When Sharp got two in a minute (cue NBA Jam "he's heating up" sound effect), we were 14 points up, but it didn't feel sustainable. Enter, not for the last time, Malcolm Rosas Jr, who had four goals before the second quarter was 50% complete, and five by half-time.
Unless Turnbull did something to us (NBN failure preventing last minute trade?), there's no way we've been done over this badly by somebody called Malcolm since Blight. And even his best was only eight, so this had disaster written all over it. He's only the second Malcolm ever to kick seven in a game, which is no surprise considering the name has been extinct for the last 40 years. I look forward to conceding bags of goals to Keith, Glenn, and Edmund before the end of the season.
After overcoming Mihocek's absence to kick five in the opening quarter, we were back to 2022-2025 style inside 50 stodge. Finally, a long kick landed with Jefferson on the line and he narrowly avoided blooper reel celebrity status by remembering to take a step back before playing on and kicking the goal. I didn't love the rest of his game, but if we're going to be down a key forward for the next few weeks it's an opportunity for development on the go. Same with Laurie, who was better after half time than he has been so far this season, and Pickett (L), who is doing well for somebody barely out of the SANFL Reserves but needs about 40 more games before we work out how high his ceiling is.
We weren't helped by the Swans kicking set shots from every angle, but stiff shit if the opposition does that. Try to stop them from having the shots in the first place. Meanwhile all our forward entries were to a giant clump, followed by the ball usually going the other way at lightning speed. The phrase 'team defence' sounds like the worst footy cliche ever invented, but christ on a bike we could have done some of that here. I exclude Tom Sparrow from those comments, because he was excellent, and had 42 pressure acts. What is a pressure act? Who knows. Is it better than a one percenter? I think so. As far as I can tell the all-time record is somewhere around 50 so he was up there. I don't know if Jack Viney is coming back this year (if not, and if Campbell retires, we could be doing some zany mid-season drafting), but Sparrow has benefited hugely from Bradburying through our traded/injured midfield.
We were hanging on by fingertips in the third quarter. Laurie kicked a nice one off the outside of his boot, which nearly set up another full-pelt Windsor goal out of the middle to keep us within range, but by now I was down to a "let's just not get thrashed" mindset. Then yer man Sparrow got one (NB: 'yer man' = good, 'your mate' = bad), Gawn followed, and we'd only lost the quarter by three points. Which was a lot better than it looked to the naked eye.
Being an absolute poltroon, I had no expectation of launching a comeback. But for once we're interesting, and contributed to a 13 goal last quarter that made Sydney work for it. They started 23 points in front, and I'd have said no way we were going to get within 40 the way things were going but entertainment was provided right up to 6pm. Pickett (K) kicking a goal 20 seconds in made it worthwhile for neutrals to keep watching, but it looked like the big tonk was on again when left-of-your-screen specialist Rosas turned up for number six. But, even though everyone would have understood winding down at this point, we kept having a crack. Maybe Heath was injured/dead from all his efforts earlier in the game, but NFI why he spent the last 31 minutes on the bench. I'm all for Gawn taking over when required, but it had been working alright earlier in the game so I defer to the industry experts on this one.
Pickett (L) also got a goal, but not that you knew instantly, thanks to this game having the director who thinks he's Martin Scorsese and does a lot of unnecessary close-ups. He ran into the open goal and kicked over the lower third of the posts, leaving the poor bastards calling from a studio - and probably not even the same studio - waiting to find out what had happened. Channel 7 can waffle on about sending commentators to the ground, but I've come to terms with the Fox studio call, as long as they've got the vision to work off. This was quickly followed by Rosas getting #7, and if he doesn't send a thank you card to the MCG/AAMI Park/Casey Fields/Caulfield/Waverley/wherever we're based this week he's ungrateful.
Now we were free to do whatever crazy shit we liked because the game was presumed lost. Like the old 'handoff to a defender for the long bomb' move that traditionally works about 7% of the time. This time, Turner channelled his anger about beating one of the league's best forwards and still losing into one of the most violent exhibitions of footy abuse you'll ever see. That didn't make it interesting yet, but van Rooyen's recovery from a dropped mark to snap cut the margin to three goals with time left, and stranger things have happened.
When the TV showed Sydney only had three interchanges left with a few minutes to go, I hoped that might become relevant. Bit desperate, but that's how my deranged mind works. And it nearly did, because the remaining Sydney players looked like they'd just finished the Paris to Dakar on pushbike. Under the same circumstances, I could easily see a dud team collapsing in the last few minutes. And as Langford kicked one to make the margin two goals, maybe a good team was going to die in the arse as well?
Sadly, they were not, but when we went straight back inside 50, I was open to pulling off the second draw of the weekend. As the comeback team we'd have had the all-important moral high ground of the shared points. Doesn't get you anything extra, but at least you end the game feeling like you've snatched two points instead of throwing them away. And extra time can GAGF.
If this was SwansBlog (and I think there was one at the same time I started in 2005. Well done to them for finding something better to do), I'd be talking about nearly losing my lunch when a rushed behind made the margin 11 points. Also, the post headline would be a 'Rose' related gag not already claimed by the papers. That was as close as we got. There was a moment where the ball was going towards van Rooyen and I thought he was about to pull off the "even if it's not your day it can be your moment" cliche, but no mark was forthcoming, we gave away a free, and the moment was lost. Somebody called 'Cootee' whose name would've been piss funny for primary school kids 30 years ago tried to keep us in it with some shite defending, but we couldn't take advantage. The way this game went, we were more likely to score from the ball getting to the middle of the ground then rebounding back to goal then plucking one from our fundament inside 50.
And once they cleared the ball, that was it. We made sure of the result by giving away a 50 and certain goal at the other end. The free that started it was dubious, but Howes merrily played on - either not hearing the whistle or not believing it was a free in the first place, and they were off to the square to make absolutely certain of it. For unnecessary 50s that ended games we weren't going to win anyway, it couldn't beat Lever's odd twirling around in that Brisbane final. Don't suppose hearing the umpire's whistle was as much of an issue during the pre-season 'two minute drill' simulations played in front of 278 people.
So, we lost. Which is not ideal, but the performance is enough to realise that a) as much as it will hurt to farewell the greatest player of this/possibly any generation, there's life after Gawn, and b) we could be quite good quite quickly if the defence around the ground is tightened up. Now that the real deal finals are down to six teams, I can't see us finishing that high on the ladder but there's a growing feeling that we're just the sort of team the Wildcard Wankfest was invented for. I'd love to be more dismissive of this, but finishing 10th or better would actually be quite good for the future, if we can turn the publicity into a lure for experienced free agents and trade targets to join the cause and address needs.
Now, come back next week when I'll be doing a u-turn, moaning about us having missed the boat and suggesting we'll be relocated to Joondalup after Tasmania come in.
2026 Allen Jakovich Medal votes
5 - Tom Sparrow
4 - Daniel Turner
3 - Kysaiah Pickett
2 - Max Gawn
1 - Harry Sharp
Apologies to Heath, Howes, Sharp and Tholstrup.
Leaderboard
More votes for the top two, but Sparrow has burst into double figures and staked a claim for the outrageous comeback victory. And I was almost going to activate the Rising Star, before Heath missed the whole last quarter.
25 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
20 - Kysaiah Pickett
14 - Jack Steele
12 - Tom Sparrow
7 - Daniel Turner (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
6 - Caleb Windsor
5 - Kade Chandler, Ed Langdon, Harvey Langford
4 - Jacob van Rooyen
3 - Koltyn Tholstrup
2 - Bayley Fritsch, Blake Howes, Jake Melksham, Brody Mihocek, Harry Sharp
1 - Jai Culley, Jake Lever
Next week
The lowest key fixture on our calendar strikes again, as it's off to Docklands to play misery era West Coast. Last year, we turned up for this game after a major disaster, pissed it in, then sacked the coach. I'm not calling anything in advance, but there's only one of those elements which has a chance of coming true. Mind you, we're in administrative assassination season so SKing might just have to look at somebody the wrong way to be handed a massive payout and sent on his way.
If there's any downside to Moosemania, it's that they might decide to stick with extended stints of Forward Gawn, thus negating the need to give the people what they want and debut Ken T. Field. After our difficulties in kicking to a forward's advantage in this game, I remind you that Ken's lone contribution to the pre-season, before being felled by a bionic elbow smash to the scone, was a great lead and mark straight up the middle of the forward 50. He should've debuted at the end of last year, and we've missed the chance to make the S&M mask famous but surely it's now Kent O'Clock.
After Bowey had to waste an extra week in the world's most pointless reserves competition I must have him back next week, and even if they're not a straight swap, it can be at the expense of Jiath, who I've been entirely uninspired by so far.
All I'm going to say about the potential result is that we should win by some margin 1+. The more the merrier, but I won't be surprised if King Harley Race and all their other top draftees decide to have a proper crack out of shame after losing to Richmond. If you accept we should start favourites and win, any chance of stomping on the Eagles in the first quarter instead of leaving the door open for a prospective shambles?
IN: Bowey, Kentfield
OUT: Mihocek (inj), Jiath (omit)
LUCKY: Laurie, L. Pickett
UNLUCKY: Moniz-Wakefield, Taylor
Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year
Apologies to Laurie off the outside of the boot, and anything involving the Pickett family, but even if he did stuff all for the next two and a half quarters, you had to appreciate van Rooyen's snap in the first quarter. Pickett (Kysaiah) vs Carlton (Krap) still leads overall.
CE-No
When the news of Guerra's demise came in, it showed just how well I'd go in a totalitarian dictatorship. I thought "Oh well, they have their reasons I suppose", just like you would if the Stasi arrested your neighbours. Then, in a story featuring juicy leaks from gee I wonder where, it was suggested the CEO fell victim to the Caulfield pro-tunnel lobby, and now that we had something in common, I decided to believe he was hard done by. Some later 'golly, I wonder who let that out' reports pointed to hard feelings over the invitation list for a lunch, which, if true, could be the most farcical scenario involving our administration since someone found unpaid tax bills in the desk drawer.
I wonder if there was anything to him being turfed a year to the day after being hired? What chance we had a one year get out clause, botched the timing by not doing the axing a day earlier, and Guerra will end up alongside Brayshaw, Goodwin and Oliver in the MFC contract payout lounge. What he really needs is a lawyer with footy club experience.
The good news is that our rigorous search for a replacement stretched all the way to... the same building. His name is Dan, he currently works for Stan, and if he's got any commitment to gimmicks he'll release a five-year plan. But not yet, because he doesn't start until the end of the year - because that sort of arrangement obviously worked a treat for us last time.
That's 2x interim CEOs and one interim President in the last two years, so lucky things are going relatively well on field, or we'd look like a bunch of tits. Apparently he was lined up two weeks earlier, which must've led to a lot of polite nodding and side-eyeing each other whenever Guerra was talking during that time.
Forget the Caulfield pipedream, the first challenge of the new boss will be to try and go a year without paying out somebody's contract. Save your cash for the tunnel fund.
Final thoughts
I still prefer this season to last, but I sense a shithouse end to it once injuries and fatigue kick in, so for god's sake please win the games you're supposed to now and let's hope these concerns are just me being a nervous viewer as usual.
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