Apparently the old supermercado@demonblog.com is no longer active with the new domain. Just the kind of shambles you've come to expect from us. Until I come up with something better please redirect all abusive missives to demonblogger at gmail.com.
Sadly it's the best I could do at short notice, though I feel duty bound to point out that "jurrahcane@gmail.com" is still available if you so desire.
Cheerio and go Dees.
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Sunday, 29 November 2009
Player 0000: Premature P. Anic
I'll admit that on Thursday night I let out an audible "WHO!?" when the name Jordan Gysberts was read out as our #3 pick. Suffice to say he wasn't fancied to go that high, and most of us probably expected a forward with that selection.
Not such a big deal, after all you have to put some faith in the recruiters who are paid to analyse these things but from the reaction of our fans, and various knobs from other clubs, afterwards you'd think that we'd called out the name of the Jordan who married Peter Andre and sported some of the most ludicrous hooters in world history. Cue radio and forums being deluged with "I'm happy we got Scully and Trengove but....."
Now, explain to me what exactly is the point of stressing over the draft order at this stage? How many careers have been made and unmade before the kid has even walked into a training session? Gone are the days when kids would celebrate being drafted first by ripping into the lines and dying.
It's bad enough that people continue this insane obsession with Watts "not being worth it", but have we reached some sort of sick point in our 'cycle' that we're this desperate for instant gratification? If anyone should know about patience it's the fans of a side that has won seven games in two years. And Richmond supporters. It's like people are unable to accept a vision that doesn't include a name they're not comfortable with.
I blame the internet. Years ago you'd just sit back and deal with whatever happened. If they picked a dud they picked a dud, and if they somehow scooped up a star at number 70 then bust out the champers. Gary Moorcroft at #39? Sure, why not. Now we (myself included) spend six months plus trawling draft boards and reading phantom drafts. We read the articles in the paper and listen to endless talkback callers all recycling the same shit. Come draft day we've changed our minds on who and what we want a hundred times, and somebody has always gone ridiculously early on registering forum usernames of the predicted top picks. Then somebody you didn't expect comes out and it's the end of us. We're rooted because we didn't pick some forward that some bloke in a phantom draft said was good.
Undoubtedly we would have taken Butcher if he'd got to 11, but it was never going to happen with Port having two picks in front of us and a rancid forward line.
So with the Butch gone all the talk moved to Talia and Black. Are they any good? Fucked if I know. They're good enough to be in the top 20 of the national draft, which is well better than 1000 other people who nominated - and about 15 million of us fat porkies on their couch. Did our recruiting staff believe they met our needs? Apparently not. So move on. The future might show it as a gigantic cockup, or a stroke of genius. Right now you don't know. What you do know is that the odds of a player in the top twenty of a draft being at least half decent are fairly high. The high priest of phantom draftery Matt Burgan had Gysberts in the 13-29 range - so I'm relatively happy that he's no Luke Williams. Talk to me in two years and I'll decide whether or not to join your in dumping a truckload of chicken manure outside the club offices, but until then deal with it.
Chances are none of us have seen the kid play live, and other than a few clips here and there we probably didn't know he existed. Sometimes we've got to go along for the ride instead of trying to second guess everything. I dare say that if you went back to this time at any year since internet forums became popular there'd be similar threads about our drafts. James Frawley and Colin Garland are poster children for the phenomenon of writing somebody off because they don't dominate in their first year. Injuries aside I don't think many would criticise them now, but a couple of years ago it was on like King Kong. And we're all potentially about to be proven wrong about one C. Sylvia - one time that I'm dying to admit to having stuffed up.
One thing I'll tell you about Luke Tapscott is that he already has a stalker. Twice before the draft, and once immediately afterwards, some guy rang up SEN demanding that Richmond flick Dustin Martin at 3 and pick Lt. LT Smash instead. After explaining how he'd been calling and emailing the club to tell them about his masterplan (surprisingly to no response), he went on to say how Tapscott would be better than both Trengove and Scully. Bizarre claims, and bizarre manlove for an 18-year-old boy but at least somebody cares. About an hour after the draft he was back on saying how filthy he was that Richmond hadn't picked the Taps, and how he was sure they were going to come to regret it. That guy is going to be proven to be a genius, or will have a restraining order slapped on him a'la that bird who ran on the ground to touch Greg Stafford.
The argument really comes down to whether you believe Watts, Jurrah, Miller, Bate, Jamar (!?), Johnson (!!!!), Spencer (just testing) etc.. can kick goals in the future. Does Lynden Dunn finally get sent back to where he might get some respect? Or is he going to be lost to an ill-defined tagging role forever? Will Addam Maric pay off on his undoubted talent? Does THE CELEBRATOR return from a year off and pick up more crumbs than a vaccum cleaner? Who knows. What I am worried about is the Jurrahcane suffering from over-inflated expectations next year, see for instance the story on Channel 7 calling him "the most exciting player in the league"? I think Cyril Rioli would have spat out his cornflakes hearing that. Also realistically next year is Watts' rookie year - I expect him to be a regular, but he's not going to be the full Dial W for Watts sensation yet. Maybe the idea is to go early on a tall next year? Realistically we won't finish any higher than tenth in 2010, and even with the Gold Coast bonanza that gets us pick 17. We're more likely to be at the top end of the bottom four - meaning pick 12/10/8. So don't stress that we're trying to break into the eight next year. Maybe you'll get your monster forward in a year's time - after a season when SCULLGOVE, Gysberts and Tapscott have gained valuable experience. Maybe we'll prove that we don't need one? Who knows. That's the beauty of football. Lie back and think of Waverley.
I understand if people have reservations about what we did. Deep down maybe I do too, but it's enough to make you throw your computer through an upstairs window when you see people who think they're the great undiscovered recruiters of the millenium because they've read the trade boards and a few newspaper articles. At least wait until they get on a training track before you reach for the knife drawer. I imagine that no matter how much they deny it these kids do sneak onto BigFooty and the like for a look at what's be said. It's hard to imagine what an 18 year old, about to embark on an experience that none of us can have any understanding of, must think when they read that ZOMGPIES101 thinks that the club has made a massive error in picking them.
Another ridiculous subplot on the night involved Luke Ball. By Thursday it became abundantly clear that he was going to get his way and land at the Pies. Like a swinging voter I'd gone from not wanting him, to thinking about it, to convincing myself that it wasn't such a bad idea and back again before finally landing at a position of dread that we were going to go into the slave trade and pick him anyway.
When Jordie G's name was read out it seemed even more obvious than ever that we weren't going to pick another midfielder at 18. Which we then proceded to do anyway, and in true dramatic fashion it was somebody called Luke. Barry Prendergast, not previously known as a master of the dramatic arts, even put a pause in there just long enough to make us all - pro and anti - sweat a bit.
So, what's the difference between having a nervous breakdown over taking midfielders and having a nervous breakdown about taking a midfielder? More than you'd think. I've got faith in our recruiters that they're onto a winner - and at least you know that Tapscott has some interest in playing for us and won't be a sook about it. In the end everybody won. We got a good youngster, the Pies got a good senior player and Ball got to pose in front of a Collingwood trophy cabinet that has seen only marginally more action than ours in the last fifty years.
Our refusal to select him, lest he burst into tears and tipped over a table, did lead to one of the most ridiculous pieces of "special comments" in history. Nathan Thompson, speaking on SEN straight afterwards, suggsted that it was a disgrace that we didn't pick him because he would have slotted straight into the leadership group. Pardon? I'm no guru but at what point does refusing to meet a club and all but declaring you don't want to play for them earn you the respect of walking straight into a leadership group? Even Chris Judd's parachuting into the Carlton captaincy was done with some hesitation - and he's a modern champion who made a conscious decision to join the club. I know we've had a rough trot, but we're not so badly devalued that "pretty good but with scant interest in actually being there" gets you into our upper echelon.
The other major highlight of draft night was Michael Voss uttering this very phrase immediately after when quizzed about Matt Maguire and the prospect of him returning to his best. "I know what it's like when I got my rod out" Vossy said, obviously too caught up in the moment to phrase it in a way that perves such as myself wouldn't snicker perversely over.
Lowlight of the evening was the absolutely putrid Fox Sports coverage. How many kids expected to go in the 20's and 30's weren't in the room that night, and instead saw their AFL career launched by a graphic coming up on the bottom of the screen while Jason "Dickhead" Dunstall asked Tom Scully what he was going to do with all his money. That was when I reached for the off button (of the dodgy internet rebroadcast) and went back to trusty SEN. Apparently later they had an indepth chat with Lindsay Gilbee about the 1999 draft while the real thing was going on in the background. As an advert for shelling out for Foxtel it was right up there with the Thigh Blaster and Jamster Mobile Club.
So, the moral of this story is.. Well, I'm not sure. Most of the above seems to contradict itself every second paragraph. All I'm saying is that in this age of instant gratification, email, Farcebook, Twitter (that's @demonblog) and porn at your fingertips 24/7 there are some questions that you can't answer straight away. You can't just look up Wikipedia and find out if we're going to be any good next year or if a player is going to be a champion. Sit back, enjoy the ride and let's wait until somebody gets described as "training the house down" (aka: 'Doing a Meesen') before jumping to ten years worth of conclusions.
Not such a big deal, after all you have to put some faith in the recruiters who are paid to analyse these things but from the reaction of our fans, and various knobs from other clubs, afterwards you'd think that we'd called out the name of the Jordan who married Peter Andre and sported some of the most ludicrous hooters in world history. Cue radio and forums being deluged with "I'm happy we got Scully and Trengove but....."
Now, explain to me what exactly is the point of stressing over the draft order at this stage? How many careers have been made and unmade before the kid has even walked into a training session? Gone are the days when kids would celebrate being drafted first by ripping into the lines and dying.
It's bad enough that people continue this insane obsession with Watts "not being worth it", but have we reached some sort of sick point in our 'cycle' that we're this desperate for instant gratification? If anyone should know about patience it's the fans of a side that has won seven games in two years. And Richmond supporters. It's like people are unable to accept a vision that doesn't include a name they're not comfortable with.
I blame the internet. Years ago you'd just sit back and deal with whatever happened. If they picked a dud they picked a dud, and if they somehow scooped up a star at number 70 then bust out the champers. Gary Moorcroft at #39? Sure, why not. Now we (myself included) spend six months plus trawling draft boards and reading phantom drafts. We read the articles in the paper and listen to endless talkback callers all recycling the same shit. Come draft day we've changed our minds on who and what we want a hundred times, and somebody has always gone ridiculously early on registering forum usernames of the predicted top picks. Then somebody you didn't expect comes out and it's the end of us. We're rooted because we didn't pick some forward that some bloke in a phantom draft said was good.
Undoubtedly we would have taken Butcher if he'd got to 11, but it was never going to happen with Port having two picks in front of us and a rancid forward line.
So with the Butch gone all the talk moved to Talia and Black. Are they any good? Fucked if I know. They're good enough to be in the top 20 of the national draft, which is well better than 1000 other people who nominated - and about 15 million of us fat porkies on their couch. Did our recruiting staff believe they met our needs? Apparently not. So move on. The future might show it as a gigantic cockup, or a stroke of genius. Right now you don't know. What you do know is that the odds of a player in the top twenty of a draft being at least half decent are fairly high. The high priest of phantom draftery Matt Burgan had Gysberts in the 13-29 range - so I'm relatively happy that he's no Luke Williams. Talk to me in two years and I'll decide whether or not to join your in dumping a truckload of chicken manure outside the club offices, but until then deal with it.
Chances are none of us have seen the kid play live, and other than a few clips here and there we probably didn't know he existed. Sometimes we've got to go along for the ride instead of trying to second guess everything. I dare say that if you went back to this time at any year since internet forums became popular there'd be similar threads about our drafts. James Frawley and Colin Garland are poster children for the phenomenon of writing somebody off because they don't dominate in their first year. Injuries aside I don't think many would criticise them now, but a couple of years ago it was on like King Kong. And we're all potentially about to be proven wrong about one C. Sylvia - one time that I'm dying to admit to having stuffed up.
One thing I'll tell you about Luke Tapscott is that he already has a stalker. Twice before the draft, and once immediately afterwards, some guy rang up SEN demanding that Richmond flick Dustin Martin at 3 and pick Lt. LT Smash instead. After explaining how he'd been calling and emailing the club to tell them about his masterplan (surprisingly to no response), he went on to say how Tapscott would be better than both Trengove and Scully. Bizarre claims, and bizarre manlove for an 18-year-old boy but at least somebody cares. About an hour after the draft he was back on saying how filthy he was that Richmond hadn't picked the Taps, and how he was sure they were going to come to regret it. That guy is going to be proven to be a genius, or will have a restraining order slapped on him a'la that bird who ran on the ground to touch Greg Stafford.
The argument really comes down to whether you believe Watts, Jurrah, Miller, Bate, Jamar (!?), Johnson (!!!!), Spencer (just testing) etc.. can kick goals in the future. Does Lynden Dunn finally get sent back to where he might get some respect? Or is he going to be lost to an ill-defined tagging role forever? Will Addam Maric pay off on his undoubted talent? Does THE CELEBRATOR return from a year off and pick up more crumbs than a vaccum cleaner? Who knows. What I am worried about is the Jurrahcane suffering from over-inflated expectations next year, see for instance the story on Channel 7 calling him "the most exciting player in the league"? I think Cyril Rioli would have spat out his cornflakes hearing that. Also realistically next year is Watts' rookie year - I expect him to be a regular, but he's not going to be the full Dial W for Watts sensation yet. Maybe the idea is to go early on a tall next year? Realistically we won't finish any higher than tenth in 2010, and even with the Gold Coast bonanza that gets us pick 17. We're more likely to be at the top end of the bottom four - meaning pick 12/10/8. So don't stress that we're trying to break into the eight next year. Maybe you'll get your monster forward in a year's time - after a season when SCULLGOVE, Gysberts and Tapscott have gained valuable experience. Maybe we'll prove that we don't need one? Who knows. That's the beauty of football. Lie back and think of Waverley.
I understand if people have reservations about what we did. Deep down maybe I do too, but it's enough to make you throw your computer through an upstairs window when you see people who think they're the great undiscovered recruiters of the millenium because they've read the trade boards and a few newspaper articles. At least wait until they get on a training track before you reach for the knife drawer. I imagine that no matter how much they deny it these kids do sneak onto BigFooty and the like for a look at what's be said. It's hard to imagine what an 18 year old, about to embark on an experience that none of us can have any understanding of, must think when they read that ZOMGPIES101 thinks that the club has made a massive error in picking them.
Another ridiculous subplot on the night involved Luke Ball. By Thursday it became abundantly clear that he was going to get his way and land at the Pies. Like a swinging voter I'd gone from not wanting him, to thinking about it, to convincing myself that it wasn't such a bad idea and back again before finally landing at a position of dread that we were going to go into the slave trade and pick him anyway.
When Jordie G's name was read out it seemed even more obvious than ever that we weren't going to pick another midfielder at 18. Which we then proceded to do anyway, and in true dramatic fashion it was somebody called Luke. Barry Prendergast, not previously known as a master of the dramatic arts, even put a pause in there just long enough to make us all - pro and anti - sweat a bit.
So, what's the difference between having a nervous breakdown over taking midfielders and having a nervous breakdown about taking a midfielder? More than you'd think. I've got faith in our recruiters that they're onto a winner - and at least you know that Tapscott has some interest in playing for us and won't be a sook about it. In the end everybody won. We got a good youngster, the Pies got a good senior player and Ball got to pose in front of a Collingwood trophy cabinet that has seen only marginally more action than ours in the last fifty years.
Our refusal to select him, lest he burst into tears and tipped over a table, did lead to one of the most ridiculous pieces of "special comments" in history. Nathan Thompson, speaking on SEN straight afterwards, suggsted that it was a disgrace that we didn't pick him because he would have slotted straight into the leadership group. Pardon? I'm no guru but at what point does refusing to meet a club and all but declaring you don't want to play for them earn you the respect of walking straight into a leadership group? Even Chris Judd's parachuting into the Carlton captaincy was done with some hesitation - and he's a modern champion who made a conscious decision to join the club. I know we've had a rough trot, but we're not so badly devalued that "pretty good but with scant interest in actually being there" gets you into our upper echelon.
The other major highlight of draft night was Michael Voss uttering this very phrase immediately after when quizzed about Matt Maguire and the prospect of him returning to his best. "I know what it's like when I got my rod out" Vossy said, obviously too caught up in the moment to phrase it in a way that perves such as myself wouldn't snicker perversely over.
Lowlight of the evening was the absolutely putrid Fox Sports coverage. How many kids expected to go in the 20's and 30's weren't in the room that night, and instead saw their AFL career launched by a graphic coming up on the bottom of the screen while Jason "Dickhead" Dunstall asked Tom Scully what he was going to do with all his money. That was when I reached for the off button (of the dodgy internet rebroadcast) and went back to trusty SEN. Apparently later they had an indepth chat with Lindsay Gilbee about the 1999 draft while the real thing was going on in the background. As an advert for shelling out for Foxtel it was right up there with the Thigh Blaster and Jamster Mobile Club.
So, the moral of this story is.. Well, I'm not sure. Most of the above seems to contradict itself every second paragraph. All I'm saying is that in this age of instant gratification, email, Farcebook, Twitter (that's @demonblog) and porn at your fingertips 24/7 there are some questions that you can't answer straight away. You can't just look up Wikipedia and find out if we're going to be any good next year or if a player is going to be a champion. Sit back, enjoy the ride and let's wait until somebody gets described as "training the house down" (aka: 'Doing a Meesen') before jumping to ten years worth of conclusions.
Saturday, 21 November 2009
Back in Blog
Hey you crazy kids, Demonblog.com is finally back at Demonblog.com. Bad news, unfortunately, for those of you living in China but top news for people who like short URL's.
A big thanks to BigFooty for giving Every Day Is Like Sunday its start, and for five years of hosting. The problem was that nobody could remember how to make any changes to the layout, so it was littered with dead links and graphics that had bored the shit out of me by 2007.
So, what have we missed in the traditional "post nothing during the off-season" time of the year?
* St. Kilda lost a grand final in heartbreaking circumstances. We covered that, but it's funny to see it in writing again.
* Brock McLean was swapped to Carlton where he will presumably go bananas and make us look silly. Still a good move though.
* We then attempted to use pick 11 or 18 on Luke Ball, who has precisely zero interest in joining us. Everyone gets knickers in knot about better than average player.
* Blogging idiot breaks elbow and finger playing in a forum game. Melbourne, at least, win.
* SCULLGOVE all but confirmed as our 1 and 2 picks at the draft. Fans whip themselves into a frenzy about who else we're going to get - every player in the world named at one point or another on an internet forum. I think even I got a mention at some point.
* Kane Tenace and Mitch Thorp train with us. If both drafted - which is about as likely to happen as world peace - that would mean we'd have the following draft picks on our list;
1 - Watts/Scully
2 - Trengove
3 - Sylvia
4 - Morton
5 - (McLean would have been handy here)
6 - Thorp
7 - Tenace
8 - Meesen
And we're still shit..
* I hit the wall working on Demon Wiki. New information is being added, but I've had to take a break from trawling the archives for old stuff. Feel free to chip in.
Anything else? God knows. Make sure to Twitter-up and follow @demonblog for actual proper updates. Over and out.
A big thanks to BigFooty for giving Every Day Is Like Sunday its start, and for five years of hosting. The problem was that nobody could remember how to make any changes to the layout, so it was littered with dead links and graphics that had bored the shit out of me by 2007.
So, what have we missed in the traditional "post nothing during the off-season" time of the year?
* St. Kilda lost a grand final in heartbreaking circumstances. We covered that, but it's funny to see it in writing again.
* Brock McLean was swapped to Carlton where he will presumably go bananas and make us look silly. Still a good move though.
* We then attempted to use pick 11 or 18 on Luke Ball, who has precisely zero interest in joining us. Everyone gets knickers in knot about better than average player.
* Blogging idiot breaks elbow and finger playing in a forum game. Melbourne, at least, win.
* SCULLGOVE all but confirmed as our 1 and 2 picks at the draft. Fans whip themselves into a frenzy about who else we're going to get - every player in the world named at one point or another on an internet forum. I think even I got a mention at some point.
* Kane Tenace and Mitch Thorp train with us. If both drafted - which is about as likely to happen as world peace - that would mean we'd have the following draft picks on our list;
1 - Watts/Scully
2 - Trengove
3 - Sylvia
4 - Morton
5 - (McLean would have been handy here)
6 - Thorp
7 - Tenace
8 - Meesen
And we're still shit..
* I hit the wall working on Demon Wiki. New information is being added, but I've had to take a break from trawling the archives for old stuff. Feel free to chip in.
Anything else? God knows. Make sure to Twitter-up and follow @demonblog for actual proper updates. Over and out.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Liquid Football '09
If you've never seen any of the Alan Partridge shows then you're robbing yourself. It's almost certainly the funniest character ever invented in the history of anything.
And somewhere a genius decided to merge Partridge and Jurrah. Result = genius.
And somewhere a genius decided to merge Partridge and Jurrah. Result = genius.
Sunday, 27 September 2009
End of year thoughts
So the season is officially over then. Could have fooled me, I thought it was done a month ago. Observations from Grand Final Day
* Obviously nobody bothered to check how "Cup Cam" would look on Mark Ricciuto.
* The 'entertainment' was rubbish as usual. Has anyone noticed that other than the title of the song Holy Grail has nothing in common with footy and everything to do with people dying horrifically? Even Mark Seymour was singing it in a half-assed fashion.
* Should we make a Grand Final I'll quite happily sit in Hurricane Katrina-esque conditions to get a seat without paying $5000.
* I'll be having Colin Sylvia for the Brownlow next year but he probably won't be back in the Grand Final Sprint
* But at least he didn't almost go tits up on the starting line like Mike Pyke.
* I take back everything I've ever said on here about Tom Hawkins after I bet on him to kick the first goal of the last quarter.
* Sucked in St. Kilda
And what of Brock McLean? Even though there had been some internet whispers about the deal I've learned that 99% of those are usually total bollocks. It was certainly still a shock when I got in my car and heard it.
I'm not too concerned. Brock is a good player, and will be very handy for Carlton but if we're going to draft one - probably two - of the best midfielders in the country somebody's going to have to shift. McDonald is almost certainly in his last year, but I wouldn't be messing with Moloney, Jones or Sylvia anytime soon so something had to give. He was ordinary this year but with a full pre-season and some class players around him he'll kill it at Carlton. Wouldn't you rather be kicking it at Fev (off the sauce variety) rather than our dog's breakfast forward line? Of course I said the same things about Chris Johnson and he continued to be ordinary but this time we've been compensated. Don't ask me to give you any phantom drafts or wishlists but here's hoping there's a KPF/ruckman around there that we can use the pick on. Everybody - hopefully - wins.
Of course this having come true means that the next 99 rumors you hear (Davey, Jurrah etc..) will be utterly false.
P.S - Demon Wiki is now more than 4100 pages strong. Check it out - I know what I'll be working on in the off-season.
* Obviously nobody bothered to check how "Cup Cam" would look on Mark Ricciuto.
* The 'entertainment' was rubbish as usual. Has anyone noticed that other than the title of the song Holy Grail has nothing in common with footy and everything to do with people dying horrifically? Even Mark Seymour was singing it in a half-assed fashion.
* Should we make a Grand Final I'll quite happily sit in Hurricane Katrina-esque conditions to get a seat without paying $5000.
* I'll be having Colin Sylvia for the Brownlow next year but he probably won't be back in the Grand Final Sprint
* But at least he didn't almost go tits up on the starting line like Mike Pyke.
* I take back everything I've ever said on here about Tom Hawkins after I bet on him to kick the first goal of the last quarter.
* Sucked in St. Kilda
And what of Brock McLean? Even though there had been some internet whispers about the deal I've learned that 99% of those are usually total bollocks. It was certainly still a shock when I got in my car and heard it.
I'm not too concerned. Brock is a good player, and will be very handy for Carlton but if we're going to draft one - probably two - of the best midfielders in the country somebody's going to have to shift. McDonald is almost certainly in his last year, but I wouldn't be messing with Moloney, Jones or Sylvia anytime soon so something had to give. He was ordinary this year but with a full pre-season and some class players around him he'll kill it at Carlton. Wouldn't you rather be kicking it at Fev (off the sauce variety) rather than our dog's breakfast forward line? Of course I said the same things about Chris Johnson and he continued to be ordinary but this time we've been compensated. Don't ask me to give you any phantom drafts or wishlists but here's hoping there's a KPF/ruckman around there that we can use the pick on. Everybody - hopefully - wins.
Of course this having come true means that the next 99 rumors you hear (Davey, Jurrah etc..) will be utterly false.
P.S - Demon Wiki is now more than 4100 pages strong. Check it out - I know what I'll be working on in the off-season.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Demonblog's end of season spectacular
Whoa, I almost forgot to do this. Spending too much time working on Demon Wiki. I've been concentrating on the 70's for the last few days. My god if you're like me and weren't even alive that decade then kindly join my in shutting the fark up about having three (four? five?) poor years in a row, because some of the heartbreakers people (you know who you are, and you're hardy souls) had to put up with back then was RIDICULOUS.
Witness for instance Round 22, 1976. Having not played in the finals since 1964 all they needed was to beat bottom placed Collingwood and have minor premiers Carlton rumble Footscray at Princes Park. The Pies were duly dispatched but the Dogs held a lead all day and everyone gets miserable. Carlton fight back and things start getting interesting - they level the scores and... the game ends. A draw and the Dogs are into the five and Melbourne out. Some measure of a reverse was effected in 1987, but Jesus H Christ 9 years and spoons galore are a tough price to pay for some muppets from Parkville not being able to get the job done.
ANYWAY, back to the present. The format for today is as follows. First - links to all the matches this season. Secondly a recap of the awards and full awards history, and finally the "The Good, the Bad and the Neither Here Nor There" awards. And here's your host, TV's Ugly Dave Gray;
And tonight he's joined by the Blankety Blanks Choir. Entertainment truly befitting a spectacular like this I'm sure you'll agree.
PART ONE - That was the season that was
Pre-Season Preview Spectacular - where Ray's Tent City failed to be named major sponsor at 1000-1.
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - "New Year, Same Team" - Where we almost won a meaningless pre-season match against the premiers but threw it away like clowns before losing to a goal kicked from an obvious hand in the back. Little were we to know that the hands in the back rule would get as much respect from the AFL umpiring fraternity in 2009 as Porkys got from Oscar voters in the 80's
Practice Match vs Sydney - "50 Ways to Lose A Match - Where I refused to go to a family reunion so I could attend Princes Park and find out whether or not John Meesen actually existed.
Practice Match vs Brisbane - "Mystery Match Mania" - where I didn't go to Cairns but somehow still managed to come up with votes for the Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance.
Practice Match vs Footscray - "How 'bout That Drought?" - where somehow I managed to not be able to go but Jane, Andy and Gabrielle bravely submitted a match report from conditions not seen since Hurricane Katrina.
Round 1 vs North Melbourne - "One Is The Loneliest Number" - Where a moderately negative tone caused some cockhead to devote a whole thread on BigFooty to whinging about it.
BOG - Kyle Cheney on debut.
Round 2 vs Collingwood - "In the event of a major disaster the season management plan will swing into immediate action" - Where a Pies fan took genuine offence to over-use of the term 'spastic' shortly before one of their spastic fans belted Nathan Jones' dad.
BOG - Aaron Davey
Round 3 vs Port Adelaide - "Chasing AAMI" - Where I went out on the pish in Adelaide alone the night before, had two hours sleep, watched us get thrashed, sat in Adelaide airport for five hours in a depressed state and considered turning Every Day Is Like Sunday into a fringe festival show.
BOG - Brad Green
Round 4 vs Richmond - "Bring Your Quarter To The Slaughter" - where we won, we really did. And the guy sitting next to me was so depressed about being a Richmond fan that it almost made me feel better.
BOG - Brock McLean
Have you ever wondered why I always write players names out in full? I have. Don't want to confuse you with all the other Cheneys, Daveys, Greens and McLeans in our side afterall. It's a legacy from the Febey/Febey, Lovett/Lovett, Viney/Viney era of the early 90's.
Round 5 vs Adelaide - "The Truth is Out There" - where we scored three goals could have won. The government are still investigating the tapes as we speak to work out WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.
BOG - Brent Moloney
The next Saturday I almost ran over Brad Miller who was fanging a BMX around the back streets of St. Kilda. Don't say anything, my mum loves him.
Round 6 vs Geelong - "The Foregone Conclusion Cup" - where we avoided being flogged by a massive margin despite Gary Ablett kicking a goal after 9 seconds. The first sign that Geelong weren't as good as the last couple of years.
BOG - Davey (2)
Round 7 vs West Coast - "Go West. Lose. Come Back. Lose Again" - where we could very well have won our first game west of Victoria for years but botched it. Also where I watched dodgy internet live streaming for the first time and sat there for four quarters wondering what the hell was going on.
BOG - Nathan Jones
Round 8 vs Footscray - "Dog Day Afternoon" - where we pushed the second straight flag contender to a close game and suddenly started to think we weren't so bad after all despite being 1-7.
BOG - Moloney (2)
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - "Armpit vs Deodorant" - where I debuted the #34 Stefan Martin Experience jumper just in time for him to snap one from the pocket. Also the night where Russell Robertson effectively ended his Melbourne career with one of the most ludicrous attempts at playing on in front of goal EVER.
BOG - Colin Sylvia
Round 10 vs St. Kilda - "Golden Showers" - where I pulled out of going because of a lack of money, and thank christ for that too because watching St. Kilda keep us goalless in the second half would have being depressing. First threat of the season to fill my pockets with rocks and walk into the sea. Offered the chance for somebody to write a guest report and for the first time ever nobody wanted to - smart people.
BOG - Jared Rivers
Round 11 vs Collingwood - "Crusty Demons of Shite" - where we shamefully debuted Jack Watts for nothing more than financial gain and were rewarded by being flogged. In a mystic vision of the future I declared that West Coast, Port, Richmond and Fremantle were the only teams we could possibly beat. Three correct and one moral victory. I also won a "Name a Game" DVD off SEN which almost four months later I've still not received.
BOG - Sylvia (2)
Round 12 vs Essendon - "The Royal Shaft" - where Watts kicked his first goal, the Jurrahcane lit the Dome up and we still got belted. Our only Friday night game of the year and rightly so too.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
Round 13 vs Brisbane - "Northern Exposure" - where I was suckered into providing a preview which accurately predicted we'd lose. Spookily accurate. Demonlogy's George_From_The_Outer came through with the guest report and votes but unfortunately for him had to sit through the game to give them. I went to a trivia night and managed to win whilst simultaneously swearing under my breath while listening to the radio.
BOG - Stefan Martin
Then there was a mid-season review which came about three weeks after the middle of the season. It appears that I got so excited writing about Mark Jamar at one point that I completely forgot to finish a sentence.
Round 14 vs West Coast - "One for the Boss" - where we all got a bit teary about Jimmy, and where I managed to scab my way into two corporate boxes at two different games in the same day. End result = blind but that was all at the second game. Yelling "go home you bastards" out the window now seems futile given that there was nobody down there.
BOG - Jack Grimes
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - "Here I am! Rock You Like A Jurrahcane!" - when Port proved themselves to be the flakiest bunch of slops ever born and the lost man Lynden Dunn managed to rort the worst 50/free-kick of all time out of Chad Cornes. Somehow Port still almost made the 8.
BOG - Cameron Bruce
Round 16 vs Geelong - "Back to Life, Back to Reality" - where the antics of the Geelong based commentary team made me want to commit felonious homicide, but where we learnt that Geelong has a different husband/wife team of idiots advertising Wombat Gully Plant Farms. Also when I left ludicrously early for the first time since 1990.
BOG - Davey (3)
Round 17 vs Sydney - "Capital Punishment" - where nobody watched us at the game, and after quarter time nobody watched us in the pub I was at. We almost won but it took noted goalkicker Matthew Whelan to float forward and boot one to do it. Take note forwards.
BOG - Cale Morton
Round 18 vs Richmond - "2009 Melbourne International Tank Festival" - where I made the most inspired decision in history to leave at half time for a star studded movie premiere and somehow missed the most potentially soul destroying finish in the history of footy.
BOG - James McDonald
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - "You Can't Stop The Horror" - where Rohan Bail had the shortest AFL career in history (30 seconds), Lynden Dunn continued to get shafted in stupid matchups and Darren Crocker actually won a match. Nobody was there, it was shit.
BOG - Matthew Bate
Round 20 vs Fremantle - "Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you" - where I made a last minute decision to ditch a lucrative day of work and join 13,000 other idiots in getting wet and cold. Thank christ too because we played our most slashing football in years, I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
BOG - Davey (4)
Round 21 vs Carlton - "Monumental Moments in History" - where we suffered one of the better big losses over the past few years and Jamar finally had 6 kicks in a game. Not to mention five goals. MAIGOD!
BOG - Mark "The Beast" Jamar of course
Round 22 vs St. Kilda - "It was all a dream" - where we scared everyone, including our own fans, into thinking we were going to win for a quarter before falling to pieces and winning at the draft. Jamar upped his PB to 7 kicks and I fell in love. Then we got all a bit teary again about Robbo, Wheats and Wheels leaving.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
And that was that. Let's take a moment to look at those we've lost this year.
PART TWO - The Awards Ceremony
Welcome back, and welcome our special guest host for this part of the night. The Dancing Man of Kew Junction.
Who is, coincidentally, a massive Melbourne fan. No wonder he lost the plot. Now, a recap of the leaderboard.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
The honour boards are therefore as follows (brackets indicate opening price)
Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year
2005 - Travis Johnstone
2006 - Brock McLean
2007 - Nathan Jones
2008 - Cameron Bruce
2009 - Aaron Davey ($8)
Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year
2005 - Nathan Carroll and Ryan Ferguson (shared)
2006 - Jared Rivers
2007 - Paul Wheatley
2008 - Matthew Whelan
2009 - James Frawley ($22)
Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year
2005 - No players eligible.
2006 - Matthew Bate
2007 - Ricky Petterd and Michael Newton (shared)
2008 - Cale Morton
2009 - Jack Grimes ($4 fav)
Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year
2005 - Jeff White
2006 - Jeff White [2]
2007 - Jeff White [3]
2008 - Paul Johnson
2009 - Mark Jamar ($3)
Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
2008 - Aaron Davey
2009 - Cameron Bruce
The All-Time Leaderboard is as follows,
125 - Cameron Bruce
121 - Brad Green
109 - James McDonald
104 - Brock McLean
81 - Nathan Jones
80 - Aaron Davey
72 - Travis Johnstone
68 - Matthew Bate
66 - Brent Moloney
64 - Russell Robertson
59 - Colin Sylvia
49 - Jared Rivers
43 - Brad Miller, David Neitz
35 - Jeff White
34 - Cale Morton, Adem Yze
31 - Nathan Carroll, Matthew Whelan
24 - Nathan Brown
23 - Paul Wheatley
21 - Mark Jamar
18 - Shane Valenti
17 - Lynden Dunn and Byron Pickett
16 - Chris Johnson (ineligible for anything due to being a ****) and Ricky Petterd
15 - Ben Holland, Stefan Martin, Daniel Ward, Paul Johnson
12 - Clint Bizzell, James Frawley, Colin Garland, Jack Grimes
11 - Simon Buckley, Ryan Ferguson, Matthew Warnock
10 - Daniel Bell, Austin Wonaeamirri, Liam Jurrah
8 - Clint Bartram, Simon Godfrey
6 - Shannon Motlop
5 - Michael Newton, Kyle Cheney
4 - Alistair Nicholson, Phil Read (oh philthy, why did I mark you so harshly?), Jamie Bennell
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Addam Maric, Guy Rigoni
Thanks Dancing Man, we'll be back after these ads.
"Buy a membership you clowns"
PART THREE - The other awards
HITS
- The Stynes Administration
Goes for him, McLardy, Schwab etc.. Finally everyone is on the same page behind a universally respected figure. Record membership and making in-roads into debts. Hopefully he's recovered and back in the drivers sooner rather than latter. If you're a Twitterer make sure to follow the great man @jimstynes . Then follow us @demonblog
- Matthew Bate
Already a key member of the side. Takes a good mark, kicks a good set shot and brings other players into the game. Does all the things I dreamed one B. Miller would do. Completely unknown to opposition fans but threatening to break out and do all sorts of crazy shit next year.
- Aaron Davey
Had a bad run when opposition teams worked out what was up to but is still one of our most reliable players. Still, I miss his freakish goalkicking. Can I not dream of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri/Davey forward setup?
- James Frawley
Great year. Developing into one of our better defenders and threatening to become part of a new Jurassic Pack in the backline when Garland returns next year.
- Brad Green
Part of him is probably wondering why he didn't go to Collingwood, where he'd rightfully be regarded as one of the mid-range stars of the comp. With us he gets nothing but deserves plenty of credit for a good year.
- Jack Grimes
A mid-range hit who promises to go absolutely triple-platinum supernova if he can stay fit. West Coast game was a revelation.
- Mark Jamar
Never in one season have I gone from wanting to get rid of somebody to wanting to get their number on my jumper. Consider the fact that he only played a handful of games as well. Got his disposal right (i.e handball everything), got more of it, had some killer performances in the centre and provided one of the moments of the season when his 5th went in against the Blues.
- Liam Jurrah
What more can we say? Here's hoping he doesn't suffer a second year comedown in a forward line without Robbo to take the best defender.
- Brent Moloney
The biggest hit since the Beatles. Finally played the best part of a full season and showed some of what we were given a taste of in '05. Potential captain material.
- Ricky Petterd
His best season to date. Not hard considering that the others have been destroyed by injury, but a good year nonetheless. WE WANT MORE!
- Jared Rivers
Like Moloney he finally played an almost full year and we benefited greatly. When he went off on the stretcher against the Eagles I'm sure everyone threw their hands up in the air and swore loudly but somehow the porcelain man survived and thrived.
- Colin Sylvia
The second half of his season was 10 times better than the first five years of it. Potential to go ape-shit crazy and do terrific things over the next couple of years. If I'd said to you two years ago that he really would be the better pick from the '03 draft you would have kicked me in the cruetts.
- Matthew Warnock
The final member of the Jurassic Pack. Angry, angry man. One of my favourites.
MISSES
- Our Bandwagon Fans
I know the people reading this are true. I know most of the people posting on Big Footy, the 'ology and the 'land are legit. But I also know that there are thousands of people out there who will jump straight back on when we start winning again. Knobs. WE DID THE HARD YARDS.
- Daniel Bell
Has never been the same since Ben Johnson killed him. Our attempts to put him in the shop window against Port failed miserably when he gifted them a goal and then necked himself.
- Paul Johnson
Lost the plot in epic fashion compared to last year. Bizarrely saved his best performances for clashes with Cox and Sandilands.
- Brock McLean
Only because I've got high standards for him. Deserves a full pre-season to come back next year and cause some chaos.
- Brad Miller
Like Johnson he got worse in a team that got better. Has the attributes to dominate but we're just not getting it. Trade bait perhaps?
- Michael Newton
I want to love him, but alas I cannot. Why in god's name did we sign him to a 2 year contract last season?
- The Trumpeteer
Embarassing and dresses like a goose. Get rid of him immediately.
THE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
- Dean Bailey
Ok, we've lived through the slop. The list has been turned over and now it's time to fire up. If we're pox come Queen's Birthday next year I expect the drums will start beating. As long as it doesn't just lead to Garry Lyon waltzing in and taking over after all the hard work has been done.
- Nick McCallum
Great enthusiasm, and obviously does a lot of free work for the club but lost the plot with his speech on Queen's Birthday. It's a bloody hard job to pump up a meagre crowd who think they're going to lose but may I suggest that doing it from the middle of the ground facing the members stand is not the way to go about it? And having to introduce the cockhead with the trumpet can't help.
- Simon Buckley
There were questions that were going to be resolved this year, but due to early injury we never found out. Telling that he didn't even sneak in for a novelty game at the end of the year despite being back at Casey.
- Lynden Dunn
One of my favourite players but rarely given any sort of opportunity to show what he's made of. If I was him and any other club showed interest I'd tell Melbourne to get stuffed and walk out. The matchup vs Todd Goldstein against North was a farce, and leaving him in the 2's for half of the season was beyond belief.
- Neville Jetta and Jamie Bennell
One showed some good signs at the start of the season, and the other at the end but god knows where they'll play in the future. If he was a stock I'd say HOLD.
- Addam Maric
Second season and suffered injuries but hasn't done much yet. Has just signed a new two year contract so we've got faith in him. Roll on '10. Could almost have been a miss if I was in a harsh marking mood.
- The Stefan Martin Experience.
Better than average as a ruckman, and still good as a backman but seemingly destined for a future up forward. Doesn't look comfortable there yet but I have faith in the power of the SME.
- John Meesen
Proved he existed and then looked good in his first few games before dropping out for the year with stress fractures. Is g-a-w-n GAWN next year if he doesn't have a good season so needs to come back all guns blazing.
- Cale Morton
Good at what he did, but was what he did particuarly useful? I like him as a player but we've got to throw him into a more damaging role next year.
- James Strauss and Sam Blease
Next year please.
- Jack Watts
Given that he's young enough to be an 18th century chimney sweep he did enough in limited time to stamp himself as a good player in the making. Criticised only by drug addicts, internet spastics and senile ex-coaches.
- Austin Wonaeamirri
Liam Jurrah watch out - the second year curse ran rampant on THE CELEBRATOR this year.
- The Rookies
Valenti played some decent football and deserves an upgrade, Spencer was very ordinary and it's too early to tell with McKenzie. Danny Hughes has one more year to get a game, Rhys Healey was injured too often and Trent Zomer is the biggest monty for delisting since Isaac Weetra.
And that's it for this year. See you all again in the pre-season. We'll go out tonight with a production number created by A. Random
See you in trade week!
Witness for instance Round 22, 1976. Having not played in the finals since 1964 all they needed was to beat bottom placed Collingwood and have minor premiers Carlton rumble Footscray at Princes Park. The Pies were duly dispatched but the Dogs held a lead all day and everyone gets miserable. Carlton fight back and things start getting interesting - they level the scores and... the game ends. A draw and the Dogs are into the five and Melbourne out. Some measure of a reverse was effected in 1987, but Jesus H Christ 9 years and spoons galore are a tough price to pay for some muppets from Parkville not being able to get the job done.
ANYWAY, back to the present. The format for today is as follows. First - links to all the matches this season. Secondly a recap of the awards and full awards history, and finally the "The Good, the Bad and the Neither Here Nor There" awards. And here's your host, TV's Ugly Dave Gray;
And tonight he's joined by the Blankety Blanks Choir. Entertainment truly befitting a spectacular like this I'm sure you'll agree.
PART ONE - That was the season that was
Pre-Season Preview Spectacular - where Ray's Tent City failed to be named major sponsor at 1000-1.
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - "New Year, Same Team" - Where we almost won a meaningless pre-season match against the premiers but threw it away like clowns before losing to a goal kicked from an obvious hand in the back. Little were we to know that the hands in the back rule would get as much respect from the AFL umpiring fraternity in 2009 as Porkys got from Oscar voters in the 80's
Practice Match vs Sydney - "50 Ways to Lose A Match - Where I refused to go to a family reunion so I could attend Princes Park and find out whether or not John Meesen actually existed.
Practice Match vs Brisbane - "Mystery Match Mania" - where I didn't go to Cairns but somehow still managed to come up with votes for the Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance.
Practice Match vs Footscray - "How 'bout That Drought?" - where somehow I managed to not be able to go but Jane, Andy and Gabrielle bravely submitted a match report from conditions not seen since Hurricane Katrina.
Round 1 vs North Melbourne - "One Is The Loneliest Number" - Where a moderately negative tone caused some cockhead to devote a whole thread on BigFooty to whinging about it.
BOG - Kyle Cheney on debut.
Round 2 vs Collingwood - "In the event of a major disaster the season management plan will swing into immediate action" - Where a Pies fan took genuine offence to over-use of the term 'spastic' shortly before one of their spastic fans belted Nathan Jones' dad.
BOG - Aaron Davey
Round 3 vs Port Adelaide - "Chasing AAMI" - Where I went out on the pish in Adelaide alone the night before, had two hours sleep, watched us get thrashed, sat in Adelaide airport for five hours in a depressed state and considered turning Every Day Is Like Sunday into a fringe festival show.
BOG - Brad Green
Round 4 vs Richmond - "Bring Your Quarter To The Slaughter" - where we won, we really did. And the guy sitting next to me was so depressed about being a Richmond fan that it almost made me feel better.
BOG - Brock McLean
Have you ever wondered why I always write players names out in full? I have. Don't want to confuse you with all the other Cheneys, Daveys, Greens and McLeans in our side afterall. It's a legacy from the Febey/Febey, Lovett/Lovett, Viney/Viney era of the early 90's.
Round 5 vs Adelaide - "The Truth is Out There" - where we scored three goals could have won. The government are still investigating the tapes as we speak to work out WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.
BOG - Brent Moloney
The next Saturday I almost ran over Brad Miller who was fanging a BMX around the back streets of St. Kilda. Don't say anything, my mum loves him.
Round 6 vs Geelong - "The Foregone Conclusion Cup" - where we avoided being flogged by a massive margin despite Gary Ablett kicking a goal after 9 seconds. The first sign that Geelong weren't as good as the last couple of years.
BOG - Davey (2)
Round 7 vs West Coast - "Go West. Lose. Come Back. Lose Again" - where we could very well have won our first game west of Victoria for years but botched it. Also where I watched dodgy internet live streaming for the first time and sat there for four quarters wondering what the hell was going on.
BOG - Nathan Jones
Round 8 vs Footscray - "Dog Day Afternoon" - where we pushed the second straight flag contender to a close game and suddenly started to think we weren't so bad after all despite being 1-7.
BOG - Moloney (2)
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - "Armpit vs Deodorant" - where I debuted the #34 Stefan Martin Experience jumper just in time for him to snap one from the pocket. Also the night where Russell Robertson effectively ended his Melbourne career with one of the most ludicrous attempts at playing on in front of goal EVER.
BOG - Colin Sylvia
Round 10 vs St. Kilda - "Golden Showers" - where I pulled out of going because of a lack of money, and thank christ for that too because watching St. Kilda keep us goalless in the second half would have being depressing. First threat of the season to fill my pockets with rocks and walk into the sea. Offered the chance for somebody to write a guest report and for the first time ever nobody wanted to - smart people.
BOG - Jared Rivers
Round 11 vs Collingwood - "Crusty Demons of Shite" - where we shamefully debuted Jack Watts for nothing more than financial gain and were rewarded by being flogged. In a mystic vision of the future I declared that West Coast, Port, Richmond and Fremantle were the only teams we could possibly beat. Three correct and one moral victory. I also won a "Name a Game" DVD off SEN which almost four months later I've still not received.
BOG - Sylvia (2)
Round 12 vs Essendon - "The Royal Shaft" - where Watts kicked his first goal, the Jurrahcane lit the Dome up and we still got belted. Our only Friday night game of the year and rightly so too.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
Round 13 vs Brisbane - "Northern Exposure" - where I was suckered into providing a preview which accurately predicted we'd lose. Spookily accurate. Demonlogy's George_From_The_Outer came through with the guest report and votes but unfortunately for him had to sit through the game to give them. I went to a trivia night and managed to win whilst simultaneously swearing under my breath while listening to the radio.
BOG - Stefan Martin
Then there was a mid-season review which came about three weeks after the middle of the season. It appears that I got so excited writing about Mark Jamar at one point that I completely forgot to finish a sentence.
Round 14 vs West Coast - "One for the Boss" - where we all got a bit teary about Jimmy, and where I managed to scab my way into two corporate boxes at two different games in the same day. End result = blind but that was all at the second game. Yelling "go home you bastards" out the window now seems futile given that there was nobody down there.
BOG - Jack Grimes
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - "Here I am! Rock You Like A Jurrahcane!" - when Port proved themselves to be the flakiest bunch of slops ever born and the lost man Lynden Dunn managed to rort the worst 50/free-kick of all time out of Chad Cornes. Somehow Port still almost made the 8.
BOG - Cameron Bruce
Round 16 vs Geelong - "Back to Life, Back to Reality" - where the antics of the Geelong based commentary team made me want to commit felonious homicide, but where we learnt that Geelong has a different husband/wife team of idiots advertising Wombat Gully Plant Farms. Also when I left ludicrously early for the first time since 1990.
BOG - Davey (3)
Round 17 vs Sydney - "Capital Punishment" - where nobody watched us at the game, and after quarter time nobody watched us in the pub I was at. We almost won but it took noted goalkicker Matthew Whelan to float forward and boot one to do it. Take note forwards.
BOG - Cale Morton
Round 18 vs Richmond - "2009 Melbourne International Tank Festival" - where I made the most inspired decision in history to leave at half time for a star studded movie premiere and somehow missed the most potentially soul destroying finish in the history of footy.
BOG - James McDonald
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - "You Can't Stop The Horror" - where Rohan Bail had the shortest AFL career in history (30 seconds), Lynden Dunn continued to get shafted in stupid matchups and Darren Crocker actually won a match. Nobody was there, it was shit.
BOG - Matthew Bate
Round 20 vs Fremantle - "Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you" - where I made a last minute decision to ditch a lucrative day of work and join 13,000 other idiots in getting wet and cold. Thank christ too because we played our most slashing football in years, I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
BOG - Davey (4)
Round 21 vs Carlton - "Monumental Moments in History" - where we suffered one of the better big losses over the past few years and Jamar finally had 6 kicks in a game. Not to mention five goals. MAIGOD!
BOG - Mark "The Beast" Jamar of course
Round 22 vs St. Kilda - "It was all a dream" - where we scared everyone, including our own fans, into thinking we were going to win for a quarter before falling to pieces and winning at the draft. Jamar upped his PB to 7 kicks and I fell in love. Then we got all a bit teary again about Robbo, Wheats and Wheels leaving.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
And that was that. Let's take a moment to look at those we've lost this year.
PART TWO - The Awards Ceremony
Welcome back, and welcome our special guest host for this part of the night. The Dancing Man of Kew Junction.
Who is, coincidentally, a massive Melbourne fan. No wonder he lost the plot. Now, a recap of the leaderboard.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
The honour boards are therefore as follows (brackets indicate opening price)
Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year
2005 - Travis Johnstone
2006 - Brock McLean
2007 - Nathan Jones
2008 - Cameron Bruce
2009 - Aaron Davey ($8)
Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year
2005 - Nathan Carroll and Ryan Ferguson (shared)
2006 - Jared Rivers
2007 - Paul Wheatley
2008 - Matthew Whelan
2009 - James Frawley ($22)
Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year
2005 - No players eligible.
2006 - Matthew Bate
2007 - Ricky Petterd and Michael Newton (shared)
2008 - Cale Morton
2009 - Jack Grimes ($4 fav)
Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year
2005 - Jeff White
2006 - Jeff White [2]
2007 - Jeff White [3]
2008 - Paul Johnson
2009 - Mark Jamar ($3)
Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
2008 - Aaron Davey
2009 - Cameron Bruce
The All-Time Leaderboard is as follows,
125 - Cameron Bruce
121 - Brad Green
109 - James McDonald
104 - Brock McLean
81 - Nathan Jones
80 - Aaron Davey
72 - Travis Johnstone
68 - Matthew Bate
66 - Brent Moloney
64 - Russell Robertson
59 - Colin Sylvia
49 - Jared Rivers
43 - Brad Miller, David Neitz
35 - Jeff White
34 - Cale Morton, Adem Yze
31 - Nathan Carroll, Matthew Whelan
24 - Nathan Brown
23 - Paul Wheatley
21 - Mark Jamar
18 - Shane Valenti
17 - Lynden Dunn and Byron Pickett
16 - Chris Johnson (ineligible for anything due to being a ****) and Ricky Petterd
15 - Ben Holland, Stefan Martin, Daniel Ward, Paul Johnson
12 - Clint Bizzell, James Frawley, Colin Garland, Jack Grimes
11 - Simon Buckley, Ryan Ferguson, Matthew Warnock
10 - Daniel Bell, Austin Wonaeamirri, Liam Jurrah
8 - Clint Bartram, Simon Godfrey
6 - Shannon Motlop
5 - Michael Newton, Kyle Cheney
4 - Alistair Nicholson, Phil Read (oh philthy, why did I mark you so harshly?), Jamie Bennell
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Addam Maric, Guy Rigoni
Thanks Dancing Man, we'll be back after these ads.
"Buy a membership you clowns"
PART THREE - The other awards
HITS
- The Stynes Administration
Goes for him, McLardy, Schwab etc.. Finally everyone is on the same page behind a universally respected figure. Record membership and making in-roads into debts. Hopefully he's recovered and back in the drivers sooner rather than latter. If you're a Twitterer make sure to follow the great man @jimstynes . Then follow us @demonblog
- Matthew Bate
Already a key member of the side. Takes a good mark, kicks a good set shot and brings other players into the game. Does all the things I dreamed one B. Miller would do. Completely unknown to opposition fans but threatening to break out and do all sorts of crazy shit next year.
- Aaron Davey
Had a bad run when opposition teams worked out what was up to but is still one of our most reliable players. Still, I miss his freakish goalkicking. Can I not dream of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri/Davey forward setup?
- James Frawley
Great year. Developing into one of our better defenders and threatening to become part of a new Jurassic Pack in the backline when Garland returns next year.
- Brad Green
Part of him is probably wondering why he didn't go to Collingwood, where he'd rightfully be regarded as one of the mid-range stars of the comp. With us he gets nothing but deserves plenty of credit for a good year.
- Jack Grimes
A mid-range hit who promises to go absolutely triple-platinum supernova if he can stay fit. West Coast game was a revelation.
- Mark Jamar
Never in one season have I gone from wanting to get rid of somebody to wanting to get their number on my jumper. Consider the fact that he only played a handful of games as well. Got his disposal right (i.e handball everything), got more of it, had some killer performances in the centre and provided one of the moments of the season when his 5th went in against the Blues.
- Liam Jurrah
What more can we say? Here's hoping he doesn't suffer a second year comedown in a forward line without Robbo to take the best defender.
- Brent Moloney
The biggest hit since the Beatles. Finally played the best part of a full season and showed some of what we were given a taste of in '05. Potential captain material.
- Ricky Petterd
His best season to date. Not hard considering that the others have been destroyed by injury, but a good year nonetheless. WE WANT MORE!
- Jared Rivers
Like Moloney he finally played an almost full year and we benefited greatly. When he went off on the stretcher against the Eagles I'm sure everyone threw their hands up in the air and swore loudly but somehow the porcelain man survived and thrived.
- Colin Sylvia
The second half of his season was 10 times better than the first five years of it. Potential to go ape-shit crazy and do terrific things over the next couple of years. If I'd said to you two years ago that he really would be the better pick from the '03 draft you would have kicked me in the cruetts.
- Matthew Warnock
The final member of the Jurassic Pack. Angry, angry man. One of my favourites.
MISSES
- Our Bandwagon Fans
I know the people reading this are true. I know most of the people posting on Big Footy, the 'ology and the 'land are legit. But I also know that there are thousands of people out there who will jump straight back on when we start winning again. Knobs. WE DID THE HARD YARDS.
- Daniel Bell
Has never been the same since Ben Johnson killed him. Our attempts to put him in the shop window against Port failed miserably when he gifted them a goal and then necked himself.
- Paul Johnson
Lost the plot in epic fashion compared to last year. Bizarrely saved his best performances for clashes with Cox and Sandilands.
- Brock McLean
Only because I've got high standards for him. Deserves a full pre-season to come back next year and cause some chaos.
- Brad Miller
Like Johnson he got worse in a team that got better. Has the attributes to dominate but we're just not getting it. Trade bait perhaps?
- Michael Newton
I want to love him, but alas I cannot. Why in god's name did we sign him to a 2 year contract last season?
- The Trumpeteer
Embarassing and dresses like a goose. Get rid of him immediately.
THE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
- Dean Bailey
Ok, we've lived through the slop. The list has been turned over and now it's time to fire up. If we're pox come Queen's Birthday next year I expect the drums will start beating. As long as it doesn't just lead to Garry Lyon waltzing in and taking over after all the hard work has been done.
- Nick McCallum
Great enthusiasm, and obviously does a lot of free work for the club but lost the plot with his speech on Queen's Birthday. It's a bloody hard job to pump up a meagre crowd who think they're going to lose but may I suggest that doing it from the middle of the ground facing the members stand is not the way to go about it? And having to introduce the cockhead with the trumpet can't help.
- Simon Buckley
There were questions that were going to be resolved this year, but due to early injury we never found out. Telling that he didn't even sneak in for a novelty game at the end of the year despite being back at Casey.
- Lynden Dunn
One of my favourite players but rarely given any sort of opportunity to show what he's made of. If I was him and any other club showed interest I'd tell Melbourne to get stuffed and walk out. The matchup vs Todd Goldstein against North was a farce, and leaving him in the 2's for half of the season was beyond belief.
- Neville Jetta and Jamie Bennell
One showed some good signs at the start of the season, and the other at the end but god knows where they'll play in the future. If he was a stock I'd say HOLD.
- Addam Maric
Second season and suffered injuries but hasn't done much yet. Has just signed a new two year contract so we've got faith in him. Roll on '10. Could almost have been a miss if I was in a harsh marking mood.
- The Stefan Martin Experience.
Better than average as a ruckman, and still good as a backman but seemingly destined for a future up forward. Doesn't look comfortable there yet but I have faith in the power of the SME.
- John Meesen
Proved he existed and then looked good in his first few games before dropping out for the year with stress fractures. Is g-a-w-n GAWN next year if he doesn't have a good season so needs to come back all guns blazing.
- Cale Morton
Good at what he did, but was what he did particuarly useful? I like him as a player but we've got to throw him into a more damaging role next year.
- James Strauss and Sam Blease
Next year please.
- Jack Watts
Given that he's young enough to be an 18th century chimney sweep he did enough in limited time to stamp himself as a good player in the making. Criticised only by drug addicts, internet spastics and senile ex-coaches.
- Austin Wonaeamirri
Liam Jurrah watch out - the second year curse ran rampant on THE CELEBRATOR this year.
- The Rookies
Valenti played some decent football and deserves an upgrade, Spencer was very ordinary and it's too early to tell with McKenzie. Danny Hughes has one more year to get a game, Rhys Healey was injured too often and Trent Zomer is the biggest monty for delisting since Isaac Weetra.
And that's it for this year. See you all again in the pre-season. We'll go out tonight with a production number created by A. Random
See you in trade week!
Sunday, 30 August 2009
I believe the children are our future
If there's any justice in the world we'll wake up in a second and it will be Grand Final Day 2004. We snuck past Essendon, got back into some form and beat Geelong in the Semi before taking care of the Lions in a prelim. And surely we can beat Port. Alas this isn't an episode of Dynasty and we can't wipe out five years of storylines with one clumsily delivered plot device. Face facts that we fell into the finals in '05 (albeit via the best three weeks EVER) then got belted, blew another chance in '06 and then fell apart like democracy in Afghanistan throughout '07, '08 and '09.
And so here we are. Another year that ends at Round 22 with nowt to show for it but a top draft pick. Except this time we get two top draft picks, and by christ I hope that means we don't have to put up with another two seasons like this for another 20 years. My mum unwittingly delivered line of the day when discussing the career of Nathan Brown. "How many players careers have we ruined?" she asked. Well snapping Brown's leg in two was one thing but it's nothing compared to what we're about to do to Tom Scully and PLAYER TO BE NAMED.
Everyone knew we were going to lose this week. St. Kilda were hardly going to make the same mistakes as they did against Essendon/North, and god forbid we got too close it would be wacky coaching moves a-go-go and/or a desperate attempt to put too many players on the ground for a headcount. Dean Bailey isn't an idiot, from the Richmond game on he knew that he wanted the top two picks and wasn't going to lose them. Now he has to deliver or risk having less credibility than Mark Harvey.
Like last week we started well. Amazingly there were no bizarre last minute changes, and even with Spencer as the starting ruckman we looked much better than the ladder would have you believe. Miller got the first before proceding to do nothing for the next three quarters, and despite the ball going inside the Saints 50 continually Frawley and Rivers were doing a mighty job in keeping them from scoring. The retiring players weren't having the best of time - Robbo was trying a bit too hard to kick a goal and Whelan was so crocked that he spent the game in the forward line - but who really cared? Reminded me of the 2005 finals when we had so many injuries Wheatley was forced to go back on despite being crocked and somehow kicked 2 goals.
We led at quarter time and surprisingly there wasn't a riot. Mainly because people knew that we'd still lose one way or the other but I'd like to think there were some people there who genuinely wanted us to get up. I must admit that I almost snuck into that category - after all we've already got pick 1, let's not be completely greedy bastards. There's something palatable about having the moral high ground of not having to rely on priority picks and that's been in the back of my mind for months. Unfortunately the reality is that as of next year the draft will be a complete farce and we had to lose. It's a shit system but what could we do?
At least we got to see the Jurrahcane kick his customary goal of the week contender with the biggest overhead snap since Robbo about ten years ago at Subiaco. The concept of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri forward line next year is hotter than the sun. Alas without Robertson to take the best defender it might be harder for the 'Cane to dominant. Having said that he has the biggest octopus arms in history so who's betting on him not just wrapping them around Matthew Scarlett's head and taking grabs?
The last six weeks of this season were our Springtime for Hitler. A secret plot to make massive losses in order to actually get in front financially. Bialystock and Bloom (to be played by Bailey and Connolly) were trying to lose money to avoid tax, we were losing footy games to get draft picks. This means that the role of Frank Liebkind, insane zealot and sympathiser for a failed system, will be taken by one Andrew Demetriou. Here's our end of season video,
"We're marching to a faster pace. Look out here comes the master race" etc.. Which is ironic considering how many blonde, blue eyed Germans we were playing against today.
Err anyway, you'll be surprised to know it didn't last. We did almost sneak to half time with a lead, which would have been a big fuck you to everyone who went for a half time/full time St. Kilda double to try and get themselves a bit of value. Sadly we didn't quite manage it and fell behind in the last couple of minutes. Our third quarters are rubbish at the best of times, so when the Saints got the first three of the term it appeared they were going to fire up and smash us. The Jurrahcane got a couple to keep it tidy though and somehow we were only 16 down going into the last change.
In a ridiculous scenario we were so close to the minor premiers and still a chance of rolling them but were actually punting them home to lose. The only thing that mattered in the last quarter was Robbo kicking a goal, Wheatley letting rip with a couple of trademark bombs and Whelan hitting somebody (preferably somebody with a name that starts with M and ends with ILNE). We got two of three, and Robbo's goal brought the house down. Brock McLean would have been beaten up by 5000 people in an on-field invasion if he hadn't thrown the handball over to him to kick it. The poor bastard was trying so hard today that he couldn't get near it other than a couple of misses.
We got the Wheatley show courtesy of a couple of torps into the centre square from kick-ins. Presumably he lined them up as not only a farewell to the crowd but for his NFL audition tape. He even managed to kick a goal with one of his 'trademark' bombs from outside 50. As much as commentators like to talk him up as the first man to ever kick a 9pt goal (as if 9pt goals are actually important) the term 'trademark' is a bit deceptive considering the set-play to handball it to him outside 50m move has a lifetime strike rate of about 28%. I'm glad they managed to get it right one last time in the last quarter of his last game. I've never been a massive Wheatley fan but he's always seemed like a genuinely nice guy so I'm pleased that he got himself into the highlight reel.
Unfortunately we didn't get the best of Wheels mainly because he could barely move. History will show that he's one of the, if not THE, most underrated players we had this decade. His on and off-field leadership has been invaluable and it's only injury that has kept him from playing more games. Lest we ever forget his murderous hit on Luke Ball in Round 1 2007;
And he got zero weeks for that one Hawthorn fans. Unfortunately from 2-2 in the first quarter we have had three seasons of slop since that moment, but it was still classic.
It's shame that after Wheatley's goal that we turned off and the Saints started piling on the goals to make it look far more respectable from their perspective. We deserved to be closer, but you can't blame a team who have been beaten from pillar to post all season for looking for the finish line. At least they put in a 1000 times more respectable performance than the slop that was R22 last year.
And that was it. Goodbye season 2009. As much as I hate St. Kilda they were pretty classy to wait ten minutes on the ground after the game to form a guard of honour for the retiring players. I must admit that I almost lost it when the woman leant over the fence and hugged Robbo. That was it. On went the sunnies to hide my shame - it was up there with when Daniher went off after his last game or when I found out Philthy had been delisted. Actually the last one was just obscenities and kicking over chairs.
Did anyone else feel a bit strange hearing the theme song belt out at the end? It was a nice touch but they could have played it once instead of belting it out 20 times.
Crowd Watch
One of the rare occasions I've been to a St. Kilda match and not ended up sitting next to people who have had (or deserve) a frontal lobotomy.
Retirement Rundown
Wheatley reckons he wants to go on. I can't see it happening, but surely he's got to have a crack at the NFL. I want to turn my TV on and see him roosting them for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Sav Rocca and Ben Graham don't look so out of place because they were big names but it would spin my head to see Wheats giving it a torp on ESPN.
Whelan is done but apparently wants to play local footy. We had better keep him on in some sort of role.
Then there's Robbo. He had a pretty awful game today but can you blame him? He wasn't doing 'the team thing' (which is pretty overrated I reckon) but why should he? He's given us 420+ goals and great memories, and he knows as much as anyone that nobody really wanted us to win anyway. As much as I've been frustrated by him at times I can't quite believe we're giving him the arse. One more season would have been perfect. I honestly hope that wherever he goes next year that he wins a flag - like Greg Wells he can go and win his premiership elsewhere but we'll always know he's Melbourne at heart.
But where will he go? The interstate teams probably wouldn't be interested (although as a wild card what about Port? Their forward line is pretty ordinary. Westhoff? Which one? Who cares they're both shit), and you can wipe out any side who aren't going to make the 8 next year. It basically comes down to Geelong and Carlton. I just can't see it but I hope he gets a gig somewhere.
He could even go to St. Kilda. At least then they could have a small forward who doesn't start sweating and fidgeting nervously during respect to women lectures.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Colin Sylvia
4 - Cale Morton
3 - Mark Jamar
2 - Liam Jurrah
1 - James McDonald
Apologies to Dunn (disposal was pox but was great at getting it), Bartram, Moloney, Cheney, Rivers and Frawley. The defenders got slapped late but they were killing it early on.
Final Leaderboard
Moloney might have snuck in for a vote but it wouldn't have helped. Davey's first half of the year has carried him to his first Jakovich Medal victory.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Congratulations to the winners, they join the following luminaries on the Demonblog leaderboard. I'd also like to announce that from next year the Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year will be the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award to take into account that any player who debuts in the last month of the season before is eligible to win it. Good news for Tom McNamara and Rohan Bail who are in with a shot next year.
2005
Jakovich - Johnstone
Seecamp - Carroll/Ferguson
Hilton - Nobody (No players eligible)
O'Dwyer - White
2006
Jakovich - McLean
Seecamp - Rivers
Hilton - Bate
O'Dwyer - White (2)
2007
Jakovich - Jones
Seecamp - Wheatley
Hilton - Petterd/Newton
O'Dwyer - White (3)
2008
Jakovich - Bruce
Seecamp - Whelan
Hilton - Morton
O'Dwyer - Johnson
2009
Jakovich - Davey
Seecamp - Frawley
Hilton - Grimes
O'Dwyer - Jamar
A full statistical analysis will follow later but as we speak the all-time biggest vote getter is Cam Bruce (125) all the way down to Guy Rigoni and Addam Maric on 2 apiece. 52 players have received votes since 2005. Davey's winning score of 30 is the second lowest in history - Travis Johnstone's 38 in 2005 is still the best result.
Giveaway Corner
I've still never seen the people who give away Friskies cat food, but judging by the 'everything must go' end of season clearance quantities that people were trying to carry after the game today they must be keen to shift heaps of the stuff. One or two packets is fine - as long as you've got a cat - but trying to balance five while walking through a wet car park is just undignified.
Next Week
Casey are in the finals. I'll be there. Apparently there's some sort of other top 8 contest going on over the next few weeks. How funny would it be if Matthew Lloyd somehow got off? Hawthorn fans would explode en masse. Hillarious. Shame Lloyd is pretty much fucked. Let's just hope the AFL don't do something stupid like schedule Hawthorn vs Essendon in R1 2010. Wait until Lloyd is back and then bring on the hate! Meanwhile I'd love a crunt of a player like Campbell Brown. Somebody is just angry and unbalanced. Rod Grinter apparently has a son who can play...
Next Season
Well it can't be worse than the last two can it? There are signs. My god there are signs. Have we not suffered enough?
Demonblog will be back with the Allen Jakovich Medal stats and an end of season review in the next week or so and then, pending any reports on Casey games, it'll be the usual process of forgetting to post again until January next year.
Final Thoughts
+
=
And so here we are. Another year that ends at Round 22 with nowt to show for it but a top draft pick. Except this time we get two top draft picks, and by christ I hope that means we don't have to put up with another two seasons like this for another 20 years. My mum unwittingly delivered line of the day when discussing the career of Nathan Brown. "How many players careers have we ruined?" she asked. Well snapping Brown's leg in two was one thing but it's nothing compared to what we're about to do to Tom Scully and PLAYER TO BE NAMED.
Everyone knew we were going to lose this week. St. Kilda were hardly going to make the same mistakes as they did against Essendon/North, and god forbid we got too close it would be wacky coaching moves a-go-go and/or a desperate attempt to put too many players on the ground for a headcount. Dean Bailey isn't an idiot, from the Richmond game on he knew that he wanted the top two picks and wasn't going to lose them. Now he has to deliver or risk having less credibility than Mark Harvey.
Like last week we started well. Amazingly there were no bizarre last minute changes, and even with Spencer as the starting ruckman we looked much better than the ladder would have you believe. Miller got the first before proceding to do nothing for the next three quarters, and despite the ball going inside the Saints 50 continually Frawley and Rivers were doing a mighty job in keeping them from scoring. The retiring players weren't having the best of time - Robbo was trying a bit too hard to kick a goal and Whelan was so crocked that he spent the game in the forward line - but who really cared? Reminded me of the 2005 finals when we had so many injuries Wheatley was forced to go back on despite being crocked and somehow kicked 2 goals.
We led at quarter time and surprisingly there wasn't a riot. Mainly because people knew that we'd still lose one way or the other but I'd like to think there were some people there who genuinely wanted us to get up. I must admit that I almost snuck into that category - after all we've already got pick 1, let's not be completely greedy bastards. There's something palatable about having the moral high ground of not having to rely on priority picks and that's been in the back of my mind for months. Unfortunately the reality is that as of next year the draft will be a complete farce and we had to lose. It's a shit system but what could we do?
At least we got to see the Jurrahcane kick his customary goal of the week contender with the biggest overhead snap since Robbo about ten years ago at Subiaco. The concept of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri forward line next year is hotter than the sun. Alas without Robertson to take the best defender it might be harder for the 'Cane to dominant. Having said that he has the biggest octopus arms in history so who's betting on him not just wrapping them around Matthew Scarlett's head and taking grabs?
The last six weeks of this season were our Springtime for Hitler. A secret plot to make massive losses in order to actually get in front financially. Bialystock and Bloom (to be played by Bailey and Connolly) were trying to lose money to avoid tax, we were losing footy games to get draft picks. This means that the role of Frank Liebkind, insane zealot and sympathiser for a failed system, will be taken by one Andrew Demetriou. Here's our end of season video,
"We're marching to a faster pace. Look out here comes the master race" etc.. Which is ironic considering how many blonde, blue eyed Germans we were playing against today.
Err anyway, you'll be surprised to know it didn't last. We did almost sneak to half time with a lead, which would have been a big fuck you to everyone who went for a half time/full time St. Kilda double to try and get themselves a bit of value. Sadly we didn't quite manage it and fell behind in the last couple of minutes. Our third quarters are rubbish at the best of times, so when the Saints got the first three of the term it appeared they were going to fire up and smash us. The Jurrahcane got a couple to keep it tidy though and somehow we were only 16 down going into the last change.
In a ridiculous scenario we were so close to the minor premiers and still a chance of rolling them but were actually punting them home to lose. The only thing that mattered in the last quarter was Robbo kicking a goal, Wheatley letting rip with a couple of trademark bombs and Whelan hitting somebody (preferably somebody with a name that starts with M and ends with ILNE). We got two of three, and Robbo's goal brought the house down. Brock McLean would have been beaten up by 5000 people in an on-field invasion if he hadn't thrown the handball over to him to kick it. The poor bastard was trying so hard today that he couldn't get near it other than a couple of misses.
We got the Wheatley show courtesy of a couple of torps into the centre square from kick-ins. Presumably he lined them up as not only a farewell to the crowd but for his NFL audition tape. He even managed to kick a goal with one of his 'trademark' bombs from outside 50. As much as commentators like to talk him up as the first man to ever kick a 9pt goal (as if 9pt goals are actually important) the term 'trademark' is a bit deceptive considering the set-play to handball it to him outside 50m move has a lifetime strike rate of about 28%. I'm glad they managed to get it right one last time in the last quarter of his last game. I've never been a massive Wheatley fan but he's always seemed like a genuinely nice guy so I'm pleased that he got himself into the highlight reel.
Unfortunately we didn't get the best of Wheels mainly because he could barely move. History will show that he's one of the, if not THE, most underrated players we had this decade. His on and off-field leadership has been invaluable and it's only injury that has kept him from playing more games. Lest we ever forget his murderous hit on Luke Ball in Round 1 2007;
And he got zero weeks for that one Hawthorn fans. Unfortunately from 2-2 in the first quarter we have had three seasons of slop since that moment, but it was still classic.
It's shame that after Wheatley's goal that we turned off and the Saints started piling on the goals to make it look far more respectable from their perspective. We deserved to be closer, but you can't blame a team who have been beaten from pillar to post all season for looking for the finish line. At least they put in a 1000 times more respectable performance than the slop that was R22 last year.
And that was it. Goodbye season 2009. As much as I hate St. Kilda they were pretty classy to wait ten minutes on the ground after the game to form a guard of honour for the retiring players. I must admit that I almost lost it when the woman leant over the fence and hugged Robbo. That was it. On went the sunnies to hide my shame - it was up there with when Daniher went off after his last game or when I found out Philthy had been delisted. Actually the last one was just obscenities and kicking over chairs.
Did anyone else feel a bit strange hearing the theme song belt out at the end? It was a nice touch but they could have played it once instead of belting it out 20 times.
Crowd Watch
One of the rare occasions I've been to a St. Kilda match and not ended up sitting next to people who have had (or deserve) a frontal lobotomy.
Retirement Rundown
Wheatley reckons he wants to go on. I can't see it happening, but surely he's got to have a crack at the NFL. I want to turn my TV on and see him roosting them for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Sav Rocca and Ben Graham don't look so out of place because they were big names but it would spin my head to see Wheats giving it a torp on ESPN.
Whelan is done but apparently wants to play local footy. We had better keep him on in some sort of role.
Then there's Robbo. He had a pretty awful game today but can you blame him? He wasn't doing 'the team thing' (which is pretty overrated I reckon) but why should he? He's given us 420+ goals and great memories, and he knows as much as anyone that nobody really wanted us to win anyway. As much as I've been frustrated by him at times I can't quite believe we're giving him the arse. One more season would have been perfect. I honestly hope that wherever he goes next year that he wins a flag - like Greg Wells he can go and win his premiership elsewhere but we'll always know he's Melbourne at heart.
But where will he go? The interstate teams probably wouldn't be interested (although as a wild card what about Port? Their forward line is pretty ordinary. Westhoff? Which one? Who cares they're both shit), and you can wipe out any side who aren't going to make the 8 next year. It basically comes down to Geelong and Carlton. I just can't see it but I hope he gets a gig somewhere.
He could even go to St. Kilda. At least then they could have a small forward who doesn't start sweating and fidgeting nervously during respect to women lectures.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Colin Sylvia
4 - Cale Morton
3 - Mark Jamar
2 - Liam Jurrah
1 - James McDonald
Apologies to Dunn (disposal was pox but was great at getting it), Bartram, Moloney, Cheney, Rivers and Frawley. The defenders got slapped late but they were killing it early on.
Final Leaderboard
Moloney might have snuck in for a vote but it wouldn't have helped. Davey's first half of the year has carried him to his first Jakovich Medal victory.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Congratulations to the winners, they join the following luminaries on the Demonblog leaderboard. I'd also like to announce that from next year the Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year will be the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award to take into account that any player who debuts in the last month of the season before is eligible to win it. Good news for Tom McNamara and Rohan Bail who are in with a shot next year.
2005
Jakovich - Johnstone
Seecamp - Carroll/Ferguson
Hilton - Nobody (No players eligible)
O'Dwyer - White
2006
Jakovich - McLean
Seecamp - Rivers
Hilton - Bate
O'Dwyer - White (2)
2007
Jakovich - Jones
Seecamp - Wheatley
Hilton - Petterd/Newton
O'Dwyer - White (3)
2008
Jakovich - Bruce
Seecamp - Whelan
Hilton - Morton
O'Dwyer - Johnson
2009
Jakovich - Davey
Seecamp - Frawley
Hilton - Grimes
O'Dwyer - Jamar
A full statistical analysis will follow later but as we speak the all-time biggest vote getter is Cam Bruce (125) all the way down to Guy Rigoni and Addam Maric on 2 apiece. 52 players have received votes since 2005. Davey's winning score of 30 is the second lowest in history - Travis Johnstone's 38 in 2005 is still the best result.
Giveaway Corner
I've still never seen the people who give away Friskies cat food, but judging by the 'everything must go' end of season clearance quantities that people were trying to carry after the game today they must be keen to shift heaps of the stuff. One or two packets is fine - as long as you've got a cat - but trying to balance five while walking through a wet car park is just undignified.
Next Week
Casey are in the finals. I'll be there. Apparently there's some sort of other top 8 contest going on over the next few weeks. How funny would it be if Matthew Lloyd somehow got off? Hawthorn fans would explode en masse. Hillarious. Shame Lloyd is pretty much fucked. Let's just hope the AFL don't do something stupid like schedule Hawthorn vs Essendon in R1 2010. Wait until Lloyd is back and then bring on the hate! Meanwhile I'd love a crunt of a player like Campbell Brown. Somebody is just angry and unbalanced. Rod Grinter apparently has a son who can play...
Next Season
Well it can't be worse than the last two can it? There are signs. My god there are signs. Have we not suffered enough?
Demonblog will be back with the Allen Jakovich Medal stats and an end of season review in the next week or so and then, pending any reports on Casey games, it'll be the usual process of forgetting to post again until January next year.
Final Thoughts
+
=
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