Thanks Hanks

In another week where people who aren't really interested are getting their undergarments in a knot over the standard of AFLW, we're tackling the big issues at Demonblog.com. For instance, if you've got a 'Pride Round' that takes place within 'Week 7' of the season why not just call it 'Pride Week'? We must have been bursting with pride because they picked us to play twice. 

From a purely football perspective it's lucky we don't have any of the pride jumper conscientious objectors because we're already short on depth without players chucking a double sickie under circumstances best handled between them and their teammates, not random munters off the internet. As for those of us looking in from the outside, I think the key takeaway is to avoid being an insufferable wanker about other people's life choices.

We're on the verge of the AFL doing a panicky league reconstruction just to placate sad middle-aged men in the Facebook comments, so here's to it meaning the 'compressed fixture' is compressed until it's flat enough to be slid under the door never to be seen again. And if they come up with a two division system now then I want a) royalty money, and b) a legal challenge if we end up in the bottom section after one pox season from nine. 

If we had to play twice in four days things couldn't have gone any better - first a shock win, then the reintroduction of three premiership players. Last week pulled our season off the edge of a cliff, and just as the Ms. Bradbury Plan got the slightest bit of life about it here came Paxman, Purcell and Zanker fresh and ready to contribute. It would have been an even more aesthetically pleasing list if Pearce was there too, but after the Campbell/Watt duo reached their highest point last week I was content with them having another go. 

Fans of obscure statistics please note that Watt is now the second oldest person to play a senior game for Melbourne at 36 years, 310 days. After leading the campaign for Delany Madigan - despite spelling her first name wrong all the time - we're backing an assault on Jack Leith's record of 39y, 296d. I'll admit to rarely knowing opposition players before they join us, but I wasn't surprised to discover that one of Watt's best career games was on that horrific night at Moorabbin when we were red hot favourites then kicked for goal as if deranged. Sure, she played against a ruck division consisting of Harriet Cordner and a barely 20-year-old Eden Zanker, but they won and she never had more hitouts in a game until this month.

On that dreadful night in 2020 (in front at 3/4 time after kicking 1.8, then failing to score in the final term) there was genuine surprise at losing, but now that the ravages of time have finally caught up with us we started as underdogs. 'Changing of the guard' is a massive cliche but we've suffered a record loss to Essendon, Hawthorn is on top of the ladder, and Footscray have gone from our arch nemesis to trying to brick up games like a village team playing against Brazil 1970, so some form of equalisation is working. The only problem is that some of the teams have been equalised into dust, which is where we were heading a couple of weeks ago. Now after two wins, this was a good chance to test where we were at after the reintroduction of P, P and Z. On ladder position alone, the Saints were in the same bracket as Fremantle and Essendon, and considering the violently opposing directions those games took there was no telling what was going to happen here - other than a good chance of not scoring in the final quarter.

The outer at Moorabbin looked so much like Casey Fields that I had a moment of doubt at the first bounce and thought we might have been playing at home. Both grounds have their own Mt. Variable Weather style ecosystem, in this case causing one of the pre-match cameras to bounce up and down enough to make you queasy, but the key advantage of this place (other than not being 50 minutes closer to the city) was a ferris wheel. You might not let your kids ride the thing, but it added literal carnival atmosphere to the game.

The big wheel took some time to be revealed because all the early play was happening at our end. As usual getting the ball inside 50 was not the issue, but landing it with a teammate or at least forcing a contest was proving more difficult. This coupled with St. Kilda's commitment to Stalingrad style defence suggested this wasn't the day we'd cast off the shackles and kick another big score. It also didn't help kicking into a wind that made the ball randomly sink like a stone out of mid-air, so under the circumstances kicking our highest score of the year was an achievement. 

Following recent trends, we did all our best scoring work at the start of the game then clammed up and tried to survive at the end. With that strategy any assistance from opponents is welcome, so cheers to the one whose optimistic attempt to run out of difference was met with a Goldrick tackle and another Bannan goal. Banno didn't do much else after this, but for all my early season whinging she is now equal top goalscorer so do please carry on. Mind you, it's not exactly Lockett vs Dunstall vs Modra for that honour, and shortly after Georgia Campbell cracked the top five with her second of the season.

Nobody had any idea what GC got the ruck free kick for, and the not-so-subtle suggestions by the commentators that they'd appreciate seeing a replay were ignored. Regardless, the theory that Campbell will kick goals if given chances was furthered as she nine-ironed her set shot through against the wind.

I can't see a situation where I'd ever trust a two goal first quarter lead, but it's sure better than the alternative. It's a little easier to trust when you've got good players back in the side. Purcell's mask was even more severe than I'd hoped for, but as much as I'm prepared to back the medical staff (no matter how much King's Birthday-related defamation they've suffered) it felt risky for somebody to have to play with a glorified ice cream lid wrapped around their face. When she hit the deck in the first quarter and didn't come up with a bit I obviously went straight to catastrophe and was worried that it had backfired and rebroken her face. Thankfully not, and she was not only ok to continue but played a game that helped remind you what we've been missing for the first seven rounds/weeks/eras.

Nobody was expecting miracles from a player returning from their face melding back together, but Purcell's comeback helped take heat off midfielders who have been flat-out trying to do it all recently. Hanks and McNamara have had very good moments this season but they'd have enjoyed having another serial ball-getter in the side, and responded by racking up bulk possessions. Funny how much better everything looks when you get swathes of your first choice side back together.

All this, including holding St Kilda scoreless, came against the wind but I've been dudded before by thinking we'd mastered the conditions only for things to still go sour. The party temporarily continued when Zanker was gifted a goal via another free seemingly plucked from thin-air, complete with definitive proof from a replay this time. The moral repayment came when Gillard's year of saving our bacon finally turned and she was beaten for a mark and goal. Two years ago she comprehensively fixed up the same opponent in a Grand Final and was ROBBED out of BOG honours so I was happy to trade minor disappointment in a mid-season, mid-table, mid-everything contest for a hands-down win when it really mattered.

One of the underrated highlights of AFLW is hearing people yell weird things from the crowd, and the cry of "Let's go Temu" was either a topical nickname or niche guerilla marketing. See also the St Kilda player called J'Noemi, who may be the first person in VFL/AFL history named after a brand of sewing machine (yes, I checked for anybody called Singer, Brother, or PFAFF). And on the subject of names, after our recent problems with Natalie Wood, the theme of Hollywood tragedy continued with them fielded Grace Kelly. Who's next, Jayne Mansfield or Lupe Valez?

We've sorely missed goals from nowhere this year, so Goldrick shuffling away from a defender then whacking it on the boot from 40 metres out was nice - and a rare example of the wind actually helping us. Alas we ended the quarter pretty much where it started after their lone-hand forward got a second. Given how we've been finishing games I was happy enough holding a two goal advantage, but it still felt like if you gave each team 100 of the same forward entries they'd make more of them. Good thing it doesn't work that way.

Surviving the wind once then falling victim the second time is one of footy's great stitch ups, so when we conceded the first two goals after the break I thought "here we go" and stopped pondering miracle finals runs. For the second time a suspect ruck contest free saved us, this time off the ball to Purcell at the top of the square, giving her teammates the chance to risk reinjury by vigorously patting her around the head. We can't be sure if it was the worst free of the day because they never replayed the first one, but in combination with the Zanker one. I sense fans of the home team may have been a touch frustrated at the umpiring. 

To further annoy the locals, the Purcell free wouldn't have happened without Zanker doing a huge shove of an opponent moments before. Her chance came from a great kick from Paxman, who delivered another lovely pass to Hore that made you realise that even at the tail end of a great career we were hasty in trying to pack away Paxy in the back pocket. I don't know how much life there's left in our season, but if there's anything to be had from it Paxman could be an important contributor.

We went into the last quarter 10 points ahead, and if you believe in the magical power of wind we should have been right. I prefer hard evidence and the combination of our lack of scoring power and flat last quarters had me nervy. The first goal settled some nerves, and in another great moment for umpiring conspiracy theories Campbell's big jump at the ball that made it was probably - to the letter of the law - an unrealistic attempt. After he best ruck game last week, this was probably the first time Campbell looked like making a difference forward, and sure this was a big agricultural but it opened the door for Zanker to kick the SHIT out of a snap and create some breathing space.

The lead was nearly three goals but nowhere near safe in what was mostly an even game, and they had the best forward on the ground in Wardlaw - who regained some more lost dignity from the Grand Final with a third goal. But for the third week in a row we left the door unlocked and the opposition declined to push it open. 

Via some of the most extreme candy selling of all time Hanks extended the margin to 12, before we got the all-important Handy Point courtesy of a defensive meltdown that allowed Paxy to smother, then bounce one towards goal. It went the wrong way but vital time had been wasted and we were safe, not without a couple of moments of concern. I doubt they had enough time for three goals, but one would have made it interesting had they not foolishly played on after a free kick and run straight into a monster Gillard tackle. 

The ball remained up at our end with no time for three goals and for all the abject misery, picking every fit person on the list and activating Rent-A-Player we've won three in a row and even with the handicap of a putrid percentage the season has officially been extended for another week. Which was nice.

2024 Daisy Pearce Medal votes
5 - Tyla Hanks
4 - Eliza McNamara
3 - Kate Hore
2 - Olivia Purcell
1 - Paxy Paxman

Apologies to Chaplin, Goldrick, Mithen, Zanker

Leaderboard
If you take the view that we're too far back to make finals there's only 15 votes left, so the dreaded dotted line makes its first appearance. At the top, the captain has opened a nice lead that should see her home from here but stay tuned because you never know what sort of weird and wonderful things will happen. All the minor awards are still up for grabs too, so feel free to embrace the drama. 

19 - Kate Hore
14 - Tahlia Gillard (LEADER: Defender of the Year), Sinead Goldrick, Eliza McNamara
13 - Maeve Chaplin, Tyla Hanks
9 - Sinead Goldrick
8 - Kate Hore, Blaithin Mackin
5 - Paxy Paxman
4 - Lily Mithen
--- Not without finals ---
3 - Lauren Pearce (LEADER: Ruck of the Year)
2 - Alyssa Bannan, Megan Fitzsimon, Georgia Gall (LEADER: Rising Star), Shelley Heath, Sarah Lampard, Olivia Purcell
1 - Georgia Campbell, Rhiannon Watt

Goal of the Week
With apologies to Zanker's howitzer snap, I'm going with the Goldrick one. But not enough to topple Hore in Geelong as the clubhouse leader.

Next Week
It's the novel idea of playing one game per round, and that will be at home against fringe top four contenders Richmond on Saturday. They're exactly where I thought we'd be, comfortably making finals but no obvious prospects of doing anything once they get there. It's curtains if we lose this, which we may very well do but I'm more confident than any time in the last few weeks of playing to our full capabilities.

Final thoughts
I - once again - love this stuff.