Expert Preview

Well you'll get more talk about football than on The Footy Show anyway. You know that show was never the same after Jakovich left - just saying. Anyway, this week it's Footscray (now trading as "Gimmick Name Bulldogs") at the Docklands Stadium (now trading as "The Gimmick Name Dome") on Saturday (pretty much the same day it's always been).

Will we win? I seriously doubt it. I'm not going to make ridiculous pronouncements about how we've got no chance because everyone knows Melbourne are the sort of basket case who will run wild against the on fire teams and lose to the duds. I'm predicting a six goal loss but as the Danish say "who knows what the fuck will happen".

CHANGES
In: Chris Johnson, McLean, Wheatley
Out: Paul Johnson, Brown, Motlop

A much better lineup already. Johnson was a complete flop last week after an encouraging pre-season, Brown has really hit the wall in his career and Motlop seemed to turn the ball over every time he touched it last week. I still support The Mot but he needs to go back and tear it up at VFL level for a couple of weeks before pressing for selection again. The additions to the side excite me greatly - Demonblog's third favourite player, and former Brownlow Medal count leader, Brock "The Rock" McLean is back to add some much needed balls to the midfield, Chris Johnson is a top player in the making and our BigFooty.com "Adopt a Player" Wheatley is always reliable in defence which will come in handy after Carroll and Ferguson were bombarded with absolutely no support from anyone last week.

I'm more confident in holding the Bulldogs forwards than I was Carlton's, but given that our midfield was cut to shreds by the assorted party bag of hacks employed by the Blues last week I'm not entirely sure that they can do much against the Dogs. I'll pay forever for suggesting that Nathan Eagleton would end up playing for Doveton a few years back, he'll wreck us again I'm sure. And have you noticed that other than Farmer '00, Neitz '02 (with apologies to 03/04) and Robertson '05 our "much vaunted forward line", operational since 1998, hasn't really done that much? You'd think from the way it's described that they were some sort of wrecking crew who dismantle teams single handedly week in, week out. I love everyone who puts on our jumper (yes, even Scott Chisholm and Brent Grgic when I was trying to get them humanely put down) but would the media just fuck off and leave us alone. We know you don't care - stop faking it you bastards.

The good news for VFL fans is that Chris Lamb makes his return for Sandringham on Sunday against Port Melbourne at Trevor Barker Oval. The masterplan is IN MOTION for him to make a triumphant return to the Melbourne list next year and captain us to Premiership glory. Sadly I'll be unable to make it as I'll be watching another sporting club who have lost the plot but I'm sure the great man will respond accordingly. Our own Philthy Phil was also be in attendance and we hope to see him back in the starting lineup ASAP.

2.10pm. Be there. I will unfortunately. Hands up who else expects that we'll start winning just when I can't go to the games due to work. If it meant going 21-1 I'll stay home for the whole year.