If you've never seen any of the Alan Partridge shows then you're robbing yourself. It's almost certainly the funniest character ever invented in the history of anything.
And somewhere a genius decided to merge Partridge and Jurrah. Result = genius.
Friday, 9 October 2009
Sunday, 27 September 2009
End of year thoughts
So the season is officially over then. Could have fooled me, I thought it was done a month ago. Observations from Grand Final Day
* Obviously nobody bothered to check how "Cup Cam" would look on Mark Ricciuto.
* The 'entertainment' was rubbish as usual. Has anyone noticed that other than the title of the song Holy Grail has nothing in common with footy and everything to do with people dying horrifically? Even Mark Seymour was singing it in a half-assed fashion.
* Should we make a Grand Final I'll quite happily sit in Hurricane Katrina-esque conditions to get a seat without paying $5000.
* I'll be having Colin Sylvia for the Brownlow next year but he probably won't be back in the Grand Final Sprint
* But at least he didn't almost go tits up on the starting line like Mike Pyke.
* I take back everything I've ever said on here about Tom Hawkins after I bet on him to kick the first goal of the last quarter.
* Sucked in St. Kilda
And what of Brock McLean? Even though there had been some internet whispers about the deal I've learned that 99% of those are usually total bollocks. It was certainly still a shock when I got in my car and heard it.
I'm not too concerned. Brock is a good player, and will be very handy for Carlton but if we're going to draft one - probably two - of the best midfielders in the country somebody's going to have to shift. McDonald is almost certainly in his last year, but I wouldn't be messing with Moloney, Jones or Sylvia anytime soon so something had to give. He was ordinary this year but with a full pre-season and some class players around him he'll kill it at Carlton. Wouldn't you rather be kicking it at Fev (off the sauce variety) rather than our dog's breakfast forward line? Of course I said the same things about Chris Johnson and he continued to be ordinary but this time we've been compensated. Don't ask me to give you any phantom drafts or wishlists but here's hoping there's a KPF/ruckman around there that we can use the pick on. Everybody - hopefully - wins.
Of course this having come true means that the next 99 rumors you hear (Davey, Jurrah etc..) will be utterly false.
P.S - Demon Wiki is now more than 4100 pages strong. Check it out - I know what I'll be working on in the off-season.
* Obviously nobody bothered to check how "Cup Cam" would look on Mark Ricciuto.
* The 'entertainment' was rubbish as usual. Has anyone noticed that other than the title of the song Holy Grail has nothing in common with footy and everything to do with people dying horrifically? Even Mark Seymour was singing it in a half-assed fashion.
* Should we make a Grand Final I'll quite happily sit in Hurricane Katrina-esque conditions to get a seat without paying $5000.
* I'll be having Colin Sylvia for the Brownlow next year but he probably won't be back in the Grand Final Sprint
* But at least he didn't almost go tits up on the starting line like Mike Pyke.
* I take back everything I've ever said on here about Tom Hawkins after I bet on him to kick the first goal of the last quarter.
* Sucked in St. Kilda
And what of Brock McLean? Even though there had been some internet whispers about the deal I've learned that 99% of those are usually total bollocks. It was certainly still a shock when I got in my car and heard it.
I'm not too concerned. Brock is a good player, and will be very handy for Carlton but if we're going to draft one - probably two - of the best midfielders in the country somebody's going to have to shift. McDonald is almost certainly in his last year, but I wouldn't be messing with Moloney, Jones or Sylvia anytime soon so something had to give. He was ordinary this year but with a full pre-season and some class players around him he'll kill it at Carlton. Wouldn't you rather be kicking it at Fev (off the sauce variety) rather than our dog's breakfast forward line? Of course I said the same things about Chris Johnson and he continued to be ordinary but this time we've been compensated. Don't ask me to give you any phantom drafts or wishlists but here's hoping there's a KPF/ruckman around there that we can use the pick on. Everybody - hopefully - wins.
Of course this having come true means that the next 99 rumors you hear (Davey, Jurrah etc..) will be utterly false.
P.S - Demon Wiki is now more than 4100 pages strong. Check it out - I know what I'll be working on in the off-season.
Tuesday, 15 September 2009
Demonblog's end of season spectacular
Whoa, I almost forgot to do this. Spending too much time working on Demon Wiki. I've been concentrating on the 70's for the last few days. My god if you're like me and weren't even alive that decade then kindly join my in shutting the fark up about having three (four? five?) poor years in a row, because some of the heartbreakers people (you know who you are, and you're hardy souls) had to put up with back then was RIDICULOUS.
Witness for instance Round 22, 1976. Having not played in the finals since 1964 all they needed was to beat bottom placed Collingwood and have minor premiers Carlton rumble Footscray at Princes Park. The Pies were duly dispatched but the Dogs held a lead all day and everyone gets miserable. Carlton fight back and things start getting interesting - they level the scores and... the game ends. A draw and the Dogs are into the five and Melbourne out. Some measure of a reverse was effected in 1987, but Jesus H Christ 9 years and spoons galore are a tough price to pay for some muppets from Parkville not being able to get the job done.
ANYWAY, back to the present. The format for today is as follows. First - links to all the matches this season. Secondly a recap of the awards and full awards history, and finally the "The Good, the Bad and the Neither Here Nor There" awards. And here's your host, TV's Ugly Dave Gray;
And tonight he's joined by the Blankety Blanks Choir. Entertainment truly befitting a spectacular like this I'm sure you'll agree.
PART ONE - That was the season that was
Pre-Season Preview Spectacular - where Ray's Tent City failed to be named major sponsor at 1000-1.
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - "New Year, Same Team" - Where we almost won a meaningless pre-season match against the premiers but threw it away like clowns before losing to a goal kicked from an obvious hand in the back. Little were we to know that the hands in the back rule would get as much respect from the AFL umpiring fraternity in 2009 as Porkys got from Oscar voters in the 80's
Practice Match vs Sydney - "50 Ways to Lose A Match - Where I refused to go to a family reunion so I could attend Princes Park and find out whether or not John Meesen actually existed.
Practice Match vs Brisbane - "Mystery Match Mania" - where I didn't go to Cairns but somehow still managed to come up with votes for the Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance.
Practice Match vs Footscray - "How 'bout That Drought?" - where somehow I managed to not be able to go but Jane, Andy and Gabrielle bravely submitted a match report from conditions not seen since Hurricane Katrina.
Round 1 vs North Melbourne - "One Is The Loneliest Number" - Where a moderately negative tone caused some cockhead to devote a whole thread on BigFooty to whinging about it.
BOG - Kyle Cheney on debut.
Round 2 vs Collingwood - "In the event of a major disaster the season management plan will swing into immediate action" - Where a Pies fan took genuine offence to over-use of the term 'spastic' shortly before one of their spastic fans belted Nathan Jones' dad.
BOG - Aaron Davey
Round 3 vs Port Adelaide - "Chasing AAMI" - Where I went out on the pish in Adelaide alone the night before, had two hours sleep, watched us get thrashed, sat in Adelaide airport for five hours in a depressed state and considered turning Every Day Is Like Sunday into a fringe festival show.
BOG - Brad Green
Round 4 vs Richmond - "Bring Your Quarter To The Slaughter" - where we won, we really did. And the guy sitting next to me was so depressed about being a Richmond fan that it almost made me feel better.
BOG - Brock McLean
Have you ever wondered why I always write players names out in full? I have. Don't want to confuse you with all the other Cheneys, Daveys, Greens and McLeans in our side afterall. It's a legacy from the Febey/Febey, Lovett/Lovett, Viney/Viney era of the early 90's.
Round 5 vs Adelaide - "The Truth is Out There" - where we scored three goals could have won. The government are still investigating the tapes as we speak to work out WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.
BOG - Brent Moloney
The next Saturday I almost ran over Brad Miller who was fanging a BMX around the back streets of St. Kilda. Don't say anything, my mum loves him.
Round 6 vs Geelong - "The Foregone Conclusion Cup" - where we avoided being flogged by a massive margin despite Gary Ablett kicking a goal after 9 seconds. The first sign that Geelong weren't as good as the last couple of years.
BOG - Davey (2)
Round 7 vs West Coast - "Go West. Lose. Come Back. Lose Again" - where we could very well have won our first game west of Victoria for years but botched it. Also where I watched dodgy internet live streaming for the first time and sat there for four quarters wondering what the hell was going on.
BOG - Nathan Jones
Round 8 vs Footscray - "Dog Day Afternoon" - where we pushed the second straight flag contender to a close game and suddenly started to think we weren't so bad after all despite being 1-7.
BOG - Moloney (2)
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - "Armpit vs Deodorant" - where I debuted the #34 Stefan Martin Experience jumper just in time for him to snap one from the pocket. Also the night where Russell Robertson effectively ended his Melbourne career with one of the most ludicrous attempts at playing on in front of goal EVER.
BOG - Colin Sylvia
Round 10 vs St. Kilda - "Golden Showers" - where I pulled out of going because of a lack of money, and thank christ for that too because watching St. Kilda keep us goalless in the second half would have being depressing. First threat of the season to fill my pockets with rocks and walk into the sea. Offered the chance for somebody to write a guest report and for the first time ever nobody wanted to - smart people.
BOG - Jared Rivers
Round 11 vs Collingwood - "Crusty Demons of Shite" - where we shamefully debuted Jack Watts for nothing more than financial gain and were rewarded by being flogged. In a mystic vision of the future I declared that West Coast, Port, Richmond and Fremantle were the only teams we could possibly beat. Three correct and one moral victory. I also won a "Name a Game" DVD off SEN which almost four months later I've still not received.
BOG - Sylvia (2)
Round 12 vs Essendon - "The Royal Shaft" - where Watts kicked his first goal, the Jurrahcane lit the Dome up and we still got belted. Our only Friday night game of the year and rightly so too.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
Round 13 vs Brisbane - "Northern Exposure" - where I was suckered into providing a preview which accurately predicted we'd lose. Spookily accurate. Demonlogy's George_From_The_Outer came through with the guest report and votes but unfortunately for him had to sit through the game to give them. I went to a trivia night and managed to win whilst simultaneously swearing under my breath while listening to the radio.
BOG - Stefan Martin
Then there was a mid-season review which came about three weeks after the middle of the season. It appears that I got so excited writing about Mark Jamar at one point that I completely forgot to finish a sentence.
Round 14 vs West Coast - "One for the Boss" - where we all got a bit teary about Jimmy, and where I managed to scab my way into two corporate boxes at two different games in the same day. End result = blind but that was all at the second game. Yelling "go home you bastards" out the window now seems futile given that there was nobody down there.
BOG - Jack Grimes
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - "Here I am! Rock You Like A Jurrahcane!" - when Port proved themselves to be the flakiest bunch of slops ever born and the lost man Lynden Dunn managed to rort the worst 50/free-kick of all time out of Chad Cornes. Somehow Port still almost made the 8.
BOG - Cameron Bruce
Round 16 vs Geelong - "Back to Life, Back to Reality" - where the antics of the Geelong based commentary team made me want to commit felonious homicide, but where we learnt that Geelong has a different husband/wife team of idiots advertising Wombat Gully Plant Farms. Also when I left ludicrously early for the first time since 1990.
BOG - Davey (3)
Round 17 vs Sydney - "Capital Punishment" - where nobody watched us at the game, and after quarter time nobody watched us in the pub I was at. We almost won but it took noted goalkicker Matthew Whelan to float forward and boot one to do it. Take note forwards.
BOG - Cale Morton
Round 18 vs Richmond - "2009 Melbourne International Tank Festival" - where I made the most inspired decision in history to leave at half time for a star studded movie premiere and somehow missed the most potentially soul destroying finish in the history of footy.
BOG - James McDonald
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - "You Can't Stop The Horror" - where Rohan Bail had the shortest AFL career in history (30 seconds), Lynden Dunn continued to get shafted in stupid matchups and Darren Crocker actually won a match. Nobody was there, it was shit.
BOG - Matthew Bate
Round 20 vs Fremantle - "Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you" - where I made a last minute decision to ditch a lucrative day of work and join 13,000 other idiots in getting wet and cold. Thank christ too because we played our most slashing football in years, I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
BOG - Davey (4)
Round 21 vs Carlton - "Monumental Moments in History" - where we suffered one of the better big losses over the past few years and Jamar finally had 6 kicks in a game. Not to mention five goals. MAIGOD!
BOG - Mark "The Beast" Jamar of course
Round 22 vs St. Kilda - "It was all a dream" - where we scared everyone, including our own fans, into thinking we were going to win for a quarter before falling to pieces and winning at the draft. Jamar upped his PB to 7 kicks and I fell in love. Then we got all a bit teary again about Robbo, Wheats and Wheels leaving.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
And that was that. Let's take a moment to look at those we've lost this year.
PART TWO - The Awards Ceremony
Welcome back, and welcome our special guest host for this part of the night. The Dancing Man of Kew Junction.
Who is, coincidentally, a massive Melbourne fan. No wonder he lost the plot. Now, a recap of the leaderboard.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
The honour boards are therefore as follows (brackets indicate opening price)
Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year
2005 - Travis Johnstone
2006 - Brock McLean
2007 - Nathan Jones
2008 - Cameron Bruce
2009 - Aaron Davey ($8)
Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year
2005 - Nathan Carroll and Ryan Ferguson (shared)
2006 - Jared Rivers
2007 - Paul Wheatley
2008 - Matthew Whelan
2009 - James Frawley ($22)
Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year
2005 - No players eligible.
2006 - Matthew Bate
2007 - Ricky Petterd and Michael Newton (shared)
2008 - Cale Morton
2009 - Jack Grimes ($4 fav)
Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year
2005 - Jeff White
2006 - Jeff White [2]
2007 - Jeff White [3]
2008 - Paul Johnson
2009 - Mark Jamar ($3)
Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
2008 - Aaron Davey
2009 - Cameron Bruce
The All-Time Leaderboard is as follows,
125 - Cameron Bruce
121 - Brad Green
109 - James McDonald
104 - Brock McLean
81 - Nathan Jones
80 - Aaron Davey
72 - Travis Johnstone
68 - Matthew Bate
66 - Brent Moloney
64 - Russell Robertson
59 - Colin Sylvia
49 - Jared Rivers
43 - Brad Miller, David Neitz
35 - Jeff White
34 - Cale Morton, Adem Yze
31 - Nathan Carroll, Matthew Whelan
24 - Nathan Brown
23 - Paul Wheatley
21 - Mark Jamar
18 - Shane Valenti
17 - Lynden Dunn and Byron Pickett
16 - Chris Johnson (ineligible for anything due to being a ****) and Ricky Petterd
15 - Ben Holland, Stefan Martin, Daniel Ward, Paul Johnson
12 - Clint Bizzell, James Frawley, Colin Garland, Jack Grimes
11 - Simon Buckley, Ryan Ferguson, Matthew Warnock
10 - Daniel Bell, Austin Wonaeamirri, Liam Jurrah
8 - Clint Bartram, Simon Godfrey
6 - Shannon Motlop
5 - Michael Newton, Kyle Cheney
4 - Alistair Nicholson, Phil Read (oh philthy, why did I mark you so harshly?), Jamie Bennell
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Addam Maric, Guy Rigoni
Thanks Dancing Man, we'll be back after these ads.
"Buy a membership you clowns"
PART THREE - The other awards
HITS
- The Stynes Administration
Goes for him, McLardy, Schwab etc.. Finally everyone is on the same page behind a universally respected figure. Record membership and making in-roads into debts. Hopefully he's recovered and back in the drivers sooner rather than latter. If you're a Twitterer make sure to follow the great man @jimstynes . Then follow us @demonblog
- Matthew Bate
Already a key member of the side. Takes a good mark, kicks a good set shot and brings other players into the game. Does all the things I dreamed one B. Miller would do. Completely unknown to opposition fans but threatening to break out and do all sorts of crazy shit next year.
- Aaron Davey
Had a bad run when opposition teams worked out what was up to but is still one of our most reliable players. Still, I miss his freakish goalkicking. Can I not dream of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri/Davey forward setup?
- James Frawley
Great year. Developing into one of our better defenders and threatening to become part of a new Jurassic Pack in the backline when Garland returns next year.
- Brad Green
Part of him is probably wondering why he didn't go to Collingwood, where he'd rightfully be regarded as one of the mid-range stars of the comp. With us he gets nothing but deserves plenty of credit for a good year.
- Jack Grimes
A mid-range hit who promises to go absolutely triple-platinum supernova if he can stay fit. West Coast game was a revelation.
- Mark Jamar
Never in one season have I gone from wanting to get rid of somebody to wanting to get their number on my jumper. Consider the fact that he only played a handful of games as well. Got his disposal right (i.e handball everything), got more of it, had some killer performances in the centre and provided one of the moments of the season when his 5th went in against the Blues.
- Liam Jurrah
What more can we say? Here's hoping he doesn't suffer a second year comedown in a forward line without Robbo to take the best defender.
- Brent Moloney
The biggest hit since the Beatles. Finally played the best part of a full season and showed some of what we were given a taste of in '05. Potential captain material.
- Ricky Petterd
His best season to date. Not hard considering that the others have been destroyed by injury, but a good year nonetheless. WE WANT MORE!
- Jared Rivers
Like Moloney he finally played an almost full year and we benefited greatly. When he went off on the stretcher against the Eagles I'm sure everyone threw their hands up in the air and swore loudly but somehow the porcelain man survived and thrived.
- Colin Sylvia
The second half of his season was 10 times better than the first five years of it. Potential to go ape-shit crazy and do terrific things over the next couple of years. If I'd said to you two years ago that he really would be the better pick from the '03 draft you would have kicked me in the cruetts.
- Matthew Warnock
The final member of the Jurassic Pack. Angry, angry man. One of my favourites.
MISSES
- Our Bandwagon Fans
I know the people reading this are true. I know most of the people posting on Big Footy, the 'ology and the 'land are legit. But I also know that there are thousands of people out there who will jump straight back on when we start winning again. Knobs. WE DID THE HARD YARDS.
- Daniel Bell
Has never been the same since Ben Johnson killed him. Our attempts to put him in the shop window against Port failed miserably when he gifted them a goal and then necked himself.
- Paul Johnson
Lost the plot in epic fashion compared to last year. Bizarrely saved his best performances for clashes with Cox and Sandilands.
- Brock McLean
Only because I've got high standards for him. Deserves a full pre-season to come back next year and cause some chaos.
- Brad Miller
Like Johnson he got worse in a team that got better. Has the attributes to dominate but we're just not getting it. Trade bait perhaps?
- Michael Newton
I want to love him, but alas I cannot. Why in god's name did we sign him to a 2 year contract last season?
- The Trumpeteer
Embarassing and dresses like a goose. Get rid of him immediately.
THE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
- Dean Bailey
Ok, we've lived through the slop. The list has been turned over and now it's time to fire up. If we're pox come Queen's Birthday next year I expect the drums will start beating. As long as it doesn't just lead to Garry Lyon waltzing in and taking over after all the hard work has been done.
- Nick McCallum
Great enthusiasm, and obviously does a lot of free work for the club but lost the plot with his speech on Queen's Birthday. It's a bloody hard job to pump up a meagre crowd who think they're going to lose but may I suggest that doing it from the middle of the ground facing the members stand is not the way to go about it? And having to introduce the cockhead with the trumpet can't help.
- Simon Buckley
There were questions that were going to be resolved this year, but due to early injury we never found out. Telling that he didn't even sneak in for a novelty game at the end of the year despite being back at Casey.
- Lynden Dunn
One of my favourite players but rarely given any sort of opportunity to show what he's made of. If I was him and any other club showed interest I'd tell Melbourne to get stuffed and walk out. The matchup vs Todd Goldstein against North was a farce, and leaving him in the 2's for half of the season was beyond belief.
- Neville Jetta and Jamie Bennell
One showed some good signs at the start of the season, and the other at the end but god knows where they'll play in the future. If he was a stock I'd say HOLD.
- Addam Maric
Second season and suffered injuries but hasn't done much yet. Has just signed a new two year contract so we've got faith in him. Roll on '10. Could almost have been a miss if I was in a harsh marking mood.
- The Stefan Martin Experience.
Better than average as a ruckman, and still good as a backman but seemingly destined for a future up forward. Doesn't look comfortable there yet but I have faith in the power of the SME.
- John Meesen
Proved he existed and then looked good in his first few games before dropping out for the year with stress fractures. Is g-a-w-n GAWN next year if he doesn't have a good season so needs to come back all guns blazing.
- Cale Morton
Good at what he did, but was what he did particuarly useful? I like him as a player but we've got to throw him into a more damaging role next year.
- James Strauss and Sam Blease
Next year please.
- Jack Watts
Given that he's young enough to be an 18th century chimney sweep he did enough in limited time to stamp himself as a good player in the making. Criticised only by drug addicts, internet spastics and senile ex-coaches.
- Austin Wonaeamirri
Liam Jurrah watch out - the second year curse ran rampant on THE CELEBRATOR this year.
- The Rookies
Valenti played some decent football and deserves an upgrade, Spencer was very ordinary and it's too early to tell with McKenzie. Danny Hughes has one more year to get a game, Rhys Healey was injured too often and Trent Zomer is the biggest monty for delisting since Isaac Weetra.
And that's it for this year. See you all again in the pre-season. We'll go out tonight with a production number created by A. Random
See you in trade week!
Witness for instance Round 22, 1976. Having not played in the finals since 1964 all they needed was to beat bottom placed Collingwood and have minor premiers Carlton rumble Footscray at Princes Park. The Pies were duly dispatched but the Dogs held a lead all day and everyone gets miserable. Carlton fight back and things start getting interesting - they level the scores and... the game ends. A draw and the Dogs are into the five and Melbourne out. Some measure of a reverse was effected in 1987, but Jesus H Christ 9 years and spoons galore are a tough price to pay for some muppets from Parkville not being able to get the job done.
ANYWAY, back to the present. The format for today is as follows. First - links to all the matches this season. Secondly a recap of the awards and full awards history, and finally the "The Good, the Bad and the Neither Here Nor There" awards. And here's your host, TV's Ugly Dave Gray;
And tonight he's joined by the Blankety Blanks Choir. Entertainment truly befitting a spectacular like this I'm sure you'll agree.
PART ONE - That was the season that was
Pre-Season Preview Spectacular - where Ray's Tent City failed to be named major sponsor at 1000-1.
NAB Cup Round 1 vs Hawthorn - "New Year, Same Team" - Where we almost won a meaningless pre-season match against the premiers but threw it away like clowns before losing to a goal kicked from an obvious hand in the back. Little were we to know that the hands in the back rule would get as much respect from the AFL umpiring fraternity in 2009 as Porkys got from Oscar voters in the 80's
Practice Match vs Sydney - "50 Ways to Lose A Match - Where I refused to go to a family reunion so I could attend Princes Park and find out whether or not John Meesen actually existed.
Practice Match vs Brisbane - "Mystery Match Mania" - where I didn't go to Cairns but somehow still managed to come up with votes for the Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance.
Practice Match vs Footscray - "How 'bout That Drought?" - where somehow I managed to not be able to go but Jane, Andy and Gabrielle bravely submitted a match report from conditions not seen since Hurricane Katrina.
Round 1 vs North Melbourne - "One Is The Loneliest Number" - Where a moderately negative tone caused some cockhead to devote a whole thread on BigFooty to whinging about it.
BOG - Kyle Cheney on debut.
Round 2 vs Collingwood - "In the event of a major disaster the season management plan will swing into immediate action" - Where a Pies fan took genuine offence to over-use of the term 'spastic' shortly before one of their spastic fans belted Nathan Jones' dad.
BOG - Aaron Davey
Round 3 vs Port Adelaide - "Chasing AAMI" - Where I went out on the pish in Adelaide alone the night before, had two hours sleep, watched us get thrashed, sat in Adelaide airport for five hours in a depressed state and considered turning Every Day Is Like Sunday into a fringe festival show.
BOG - Brad Green
Round 4 vs Richmond - "Bring Your Quarter To The Slaughter" - where we won, we really did. And the guy sitting next to me was so depressed about being a Richmond fan that it almost made me feel better.
BOG - Brock McLean
Have you ever wondered why I always write players names out in full? I have. Don't want to confuse you with all the other Cheneys, Daveys, Greens and McLeans in our side afterall. It's a legacy from the Febey/Febey, Lovett/Lovett, Viney/Viney era of the early 90's.
Round 5 vs Adelaide - "The Truth is Out There" - where we scored three goals could have won. The government are still investigating the tapes as we speak to work out WHAT THE HELL WAS GOING ON.
BOG - Brent Moloney
The next Saturday I almost ran over Brad Miller who was fanging a BMX around the back streets of St. Kilda. Don't say anything, my mum loves him.
Round 6 vs Geelong - "The Foregone Conclusion Cup" - where we avoided being flogged by a massive margin despite Gary Ablett kicking a goal after 9 seconds. The first sign that Geelong weren't as good as the last couple of years.
BOG - Davey (2)
Round 7 vs West Coast - "Go West. Lose. Come Back. Lose Again" - where we could very well have won our first game west of Victoria for years but botched it. Also where I watched dodgy internet live streaming for the first time and sat there for four quarters wondering what the hell was going on.
BOG - Nathan Jones
Round 8 vs Footscray - "Dog Day Afternoon" - where we pushed the second straight flag contender to a close game and suddenly started to think we weren't so bad after all despite being 1-7.
BOG - Moloney (2)
Round 9 vs Hawthorn - "Armpit vs Deodorant" - where I debuted the #34 Stefan Martin Experience jumper just in time for him to snap one from the pocket. Also the night where Russell Robertson effectively ended his Melbourne career with one of the most ludicrous attempts at playing on in front of goal EVER.
BOG - Colin Sylvia
Round 10 vs St. Kilda - "Golden Showers" - where I pulled out of going because of a lack of money, and thank christ for that too because watching St. Kilda keep us goalless in the second half would have being depressing. First threat of the season to fill my pockets with rocks and walk into the sea. Offered the chance for somebody to write a guest report and for the first time ever nobody wanted to - smart people.
BOG - Jared Rivers
Round 11 vs Collingwood - "Crusty Demons of Shite" - where we shamefully debuted Jack Watts for nothing more than financial gain and were rewarded by being flogged. In a mystic vision of the future I declared that West Coast, Port, Richmond and Fremantle were the only teams we could possibly beat. Three correct and one moral victory. I also won a "Name a Game" DVD off SEN which almost four months later I've still not received.
BOG - Sylvia (2)
Round 12 vs Essendon - "The Royal Shaft" - where Watts kicked his first goal, the Jurrahcane lit the Dome up and we still got belted. Our only Friday night game of the year and rightly so too.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
Round 13 vs Brisbane - "Northern Exposure" - where I was suckered into providing a preview which accurately predicted we'd lose. Spookily accurate. Demonlogy's George_From_The_Outer came through with the guest report and votes but unfortunately for him had to sit through the game to give them. I went to a trivia night and managed to win whilst simultaneously swearing under my breath while listening to the radio.
BOG - Stefan Martin
Then there was a mid-season review which came about three weeks after the middle of the season. It appears that I got so excited writing about Mark Jamar at one point that I completely forgot to finish a sentence.
Round 14 vs West Coast - "One for the Boss" - where we all got a bit teary about Jimmy, and where I managed to scab my way into two corporate boxes at two different games in the same day. End result = blind but that was all at the second game. Yelling "go home you bastards" out the window now seems futile given that there was nobody down there.
BOG - Jack Grimes
Round 15 vs Port Adelaide - "Here I am! Rock You Like A Jurrahcane!" - when Port proved themselves to be the flakiest bunch of slops ever born and the lost man Lynden Dunn managed to rort the worst 50/free-kick of all time out of Chad Cornes. Somehow Port still almost made the 8.
BOG - Cameron Bruce
Round 16 vs Geelong - "Back to Life, Back to Reality" - where the antics of the Geelong based commentary team made me want to commit felonious homicide, but where we learnt that Geelong has a different husband/wife team of idiots advertising Wombat Gully Plant Farms. Also when I left ludicrously early for the first time since 1990.
BOG - Davey (3)
Round 17 vs Sydney - "Capital Punishment" - where nobody watched us at the game, and after quarter time nobody watched us in the pub I was at. We almost won but it took noted goalkicker Matthew Whelan to float forward and boot one to do it. Take note forwards.
BOG - Cale Morton
Round 18 vs Richmond - "2009 Melbourne International Tank Festival" - where I made the most inspired decision in history to leave at half time for a star studded movie premiere and somehow missed the most potentially soul destroying finish in the history of footy.
BOG - James McDonald
Round 19 vs North Melbourne - "You Can't Stop The Horror" - where Rohan Bail had the shortest AFL career in history (30 seconds), Lynden Dunn continued to get shafted in stupid matchups and Darren Crocker actually won a match. Nobody was there, it was shit.
BOG - Matthew Bate
Round 20 vs Fremantle - "Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you" - where I made a last minute decision to ditch a lucrative day of work and join 13,000 other idiots in getting wet and cold. Thank christ too because we played our most slashing football in years, I wouldn't have wanted to miss that.
BOG - Davey (4)
Round 21 vs Carlton - "Monumental Moments in History" - where we suffered one of the better big losses over the past few years and Jamar finally had 6 kicks in a game. Not to mention five goals. MAIGOD!
BOG - Mark "The Beast" Jamar of course
Round 22 vs St. Kilda - "It was all a dream" - where we scared everyone, including our own fans, into thinking we were going to win for a quarter before falling to pieces and winning at the draft. Jamar upped his PB to 7 kicks and I fell in love. Then we got all a bit teary again about Robbo, Wheats and Wheels leaving.
BOG - Sylvia (3)
And that was that. Let's take a moment to look at those we've lost this year.
PART TWO - The Awards Ceremony
Welcome back, and welcome our special guest host for this part of the night. The Dancing Man of Kew Junction.
Who is, coincidentally, a massive Melbourne fan. No wonder he lost the plot. Now, a recap of the leaderboard.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
The honour boards are therefore as follows (brackets indicate opening price)
Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year
2005 - Travis Johnstone
2006 - Brock McLean
2007 - Nathan Jones
2008 - Cameron Bruce
2009 - Aaron Davey ($8)
Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year
2005 - Nathan Carroll and Ryan Ferguson (shared)
2006 - Jared Rivers
2007 - Paul Wheatley
2008 - Matthew Whelan
2009 - James Frawley ($22)
Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year
2005 - No players eligible.
2006 - Matthew Bate
2007 - Ricky Petterd and Michael Newton (shared)
2008 - Cale Morton
2009 - Jack Grimes ($4 fav)
Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year
2005 - Jeff White
2006 - Jeff White [2]
2007 - Jeff White [3]
2008 - Paul Johnson
2009 - Mark Jamar ($3)
Paul Prymke Plate for Pre-Season Performance
2008 - Aaron Davey
2009 - Cameron Bruce
The All-Time Leaderboard is as follows,
125 - Cameron Bruce
121 - Brad Green
109 - James McDonald
104 - Brock McLean
81 - Nathan Jones
80 - Aaron Davey
72 - Travis Johnstone
68 - Matthew Bate
66 - Brent Moloney
64 - Russell Robertson
59 - Colin Sylvia
49 - Jared Rivers
43 - Brad Miller, David Neitz
35 - Jeff White
34 - Cale Morton, Adem Yze
31 - Nathan Carroll, Matthew Whelan
24 - Nathan Brown
23 - Paul Wheatley
21 - Mark Jamar
18 - Shane Valenti
17 - Lynden Dunn and Byron Pickett
16 - Chris Johnson (ineligible for anything due to being a ****) and Ricky Petterd
15 - Ben Holland, Stefan Martin, Daniel Ward, Paul Johnson
12 - Clint Bizzell, James Frawley, Colin Garland, Jack Grimes
11 - Simon Buckley, Ryan Ferguson, Matthew Warnock
10 - Daniel Bell, Austin Wonaeamirri, Liam Jurrah
8 - Clint Bartram, Simon Godfrey
6 - Shannon Motlop
5 - Michael Newton, Kyle Cheney
4 - Alistair Nicholson, Phil Read (oh philthy, why did I mark you so harshly?), Jamie Bennell
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Addam Maric, Guy Rigoni
Thanks Dancing Man, we'll be back after these ads.
"Buy a membership you clowns"
PART THREE - The other awards
HITS
- The Stynes Administration
Goes for him, McLardy, Schwab etc.. Finally everyone is on the same page behind a universally respected figure. Record membership and making in-roads into debts. Hopefully he's recovered and back in the drivers sooner rather than latter. If you're a Twitterer make sure to follow the great man @jimstynes . Then follow us @demonblog
- Matthew Bate
Already a key member of the side. Takes a good mark, kicks a good set shot and brings other players into the game. Does all the things I dreamed one B. Miller would do. Completely unknown to opposition fans but threatening to break out and do all sorts of crazy shit next year.
- Aaron Davey
Had a bad run when opposition teams worked out what was up to but is still one of our most reliable players. Still, I miss his freakish goalkicking. Can I not dream of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri/Davey forward setup?
- James Frawley
Great year. Developing into one of our better defenders and threatening to become part of a new Jurassic Pack in the backline when Garland returns next year.
- Brad Green
Part of him is probably wondering why he didn't go to Collingwood, where he'd rightfully be regarded as one of the mid-range stars of the comp. With us he gets nothing but deserves plenty of credit for a good year.
- Jack Grimes
A mid-range hit who promises to go absolutely triple-platinum supernova if he can stay fit. West Coast game was a revelation.
- Mark Jamar
Never in one season have I gone from wanting to get rid of somebody to wanting to get their number on my jumper. Consider the fact that he only played a handful of games as well. Got his disposal right (i.e handball everything), got more of it, had some killer performances in the centre and provided one of the moments of the season when his 5th went in against the Blues.
- Liam Jurrah
What more can we say? Here's hoping he doesn't suffer a second year comedown in a forward line without Robbo to take the best defender.
- Brent Moloney
The biggest hit since the Beatles. Finally played the best part of a full season and showed some of what we were given a taste of in '05. Potential captain material.
- Ricky Petterd
His best season to date. Not hard considering that the others have been destroyed by injury, but a good year nonetheless. WE WANT MORE!
- Jared Rivers
Like Moloney he finally played an almost full year and we benefited greatly. When he went off on the stretcher against the Eagles I'm sure everyone threw their hands up in the air and swore loudly but somehow the porcelain man survived and thrived.
- Colin Sylvia
The second half of his season was 10 times better than the first five years of it. Potential to go ape-shit crazy and do terrific things over the next couple of years. If I'd said to you two years ago that he really would be the better pick from the '03 draft you would have kicked me in the cruetts.
- Matthew Warnock
The final member of the Jurassic Pack. Angry, angry man. One of my favourites.
MISSES
- Our Bandwagon Fans
I know the people reading this are true. I know most of the people posting on Big Footy, the 'ology and the 'land are legit. But I also know that there are thousands of people out there who will jump straight back on when we start winning again. Knobs. WE DID THE HARD YARDS.
- Daniel Bell
Has never been the same since Ben Johnson killed him. Our attempts to put him in the shop window against Port failed miserably when he gifted them a goal and then necked himself.
- Paul Johnson
Lost the plot in epic fashion compared to last year. Bizarrely saved his best performances for clashes with Cox and Sandilands.
- Brock McLean
Only because I've got high standards for him. Deserves a full pre-season to come back next year and cause some chaos.
- Brad Miller
Like Johnson he got worse in a team that got better. Has the attributes to dominate but we're just not getting it. Trade bait perhaps?
- Michael Newton
I want to love him, but alas I cannot. Why in god's name did we sign him to a 2 year contract last season?
- The Trumpeteer
Embarassing and dresses like a goose. Get rid of him immediately.
THE NEITHER HERE NOR THERE
- Dean Bailey
Ok, we've lived through the slop. The list has been turned over and now it's time to fire up. If we're pox come Queen's Birthday next year I expect the drums will start beating. As long as it doesn't just lead to Garry Lyon waltzing in and taking over after all the hard work has been done.
- Nick McCallum
Great enthusiasm, and obviously does a lot of free work for the club but lost the plot with his speech on Queen's Birthday. It's a bloody hard job to pump up a meagre crowd who think they're going to lose but may I suggest that doing it from the middle of the ground facing the members stand is not the way to go about it? And having to introduce the cockhead with the trumpet can't help.
- Simon Buckley
There were questions that were going to be resolved this year, but due to early injury we never found out. Telling that he didn't even sneak in for a novelty game at the end of the year despite being back at Casey.
- Lynden Dunn
One of my favourite players but rarely given any sort of opportunity to show what he's made of. If I was him and any other club showed interest I'd tell Melbourne to get stuffed and walk out. The matchup vs Todd Goldstein against North was a farce, and leaving him in the 2's for half of the season was beyond belief.
- Neville Jetta and Jamie Bennell
One showed some good signs at the start of the season, and the other at the end but god knows where they'll play in the future. If he was a stock I'd say HOLD.
- Addam Maric
Second season and suffered injuries but hasn't done much yet. Has just signed a new two year contract so we've got faith in him. Roll on '10. Could almost have been a miss if I was in a harsh marking mood.
- The Stefan Martin Experience.
Better than average as a ruckman, and still good as a backman but seemingly destined for a future up forward. Doesn't look comfortable there yet but I have faith in the power of the SME.
- John Meesen
Proved he existed and then looked good in his first few games before dropping out for the year with stress fractures. Is g-a-w-n GAWN next year if he doesn't have a good season so needs to come back all guns blazing.
- Cale Morton
Good at what he did, but was what he did particuarly useful? I like him as a player but we've got to throw him into a more damaging role next year.
- James Strauss and Sam Blease
Next year please.
- Jack Watts
Given that he's young enough to be an 18th century chimney sweep he did enough in limited time to stamp himself as a good player in the making. Criticised only by drug addicts, internet spastics and senile ex-coaches.
- Austin Wonaeamirri
Liam Jurrah watch out - the second year curse ran rampant on THE CELEBRATOR this year.
- The Rookies
Valenti played some decent football and deserves an upgrade, Spencer was very ordinary and it's too early to tell with McKenzie. Danny Hughes has one more year to get a game, Rhys Healey was injured too often and Trent Zomer is the biggest monty for delisting since Isaac Weetra.
And that's it for this year. See you all again in the pre-season. We'll go out tonight with a production number created by A. Random
See you in trade week!
Sunday, 30 August 2009
I believe the children are our future
If there's any justice in the world we'll wake up in a second and it will be Grand Final Day 2004. We snuck past Essendon, got back into some form and beat Geelong in the Semi before taking care of the Lions in a prelim. And surely we can beat Port. Alas this isn't an episode of Dynasty and we can't wipe out five years of storylines with one clumsily delivered plot device. Face facts that we fell into the finals in '05 (albeit via the best three weeks EVER) then got belted, blew another chance in '06 and then fell apart like democracy in Afghanistan throughout '07, '08 and '09.
And so here we are. Another year that ends at Round 22 with nowt to show for it but a top draft pick. Except this time we get two top draft picks, and by christ I hope that means we don't have to put up with another two seasons like this for another 20 years. My mum unwittingly delivered line of the day when discussing the career of Nathan Brown. "How many players careers have we ruined?" she asked. Well snapping Brown's leg in two was one thing but it's nothing compared to what we're about to do to Tom Scully and PLAYER TO BE NAMED.
Everyone knew we were going to lose this week. St. Kilda were hardly going to make the same mistakes as they did against Essendon/North, and god forbid we got too close it would be wacky coaching moves a-go-go and/or a desperate attempt to put too many players on the ground for a headcount. Dean Bailey isn't an idiot, from the Richmond game on he knew that he wanted the top two picks and wasn't going to lose them. Now he has to deliver or risk having less credibility than Mark Harvey.
Like last week we started well. Amazingly there were no bizarre last minute changes, and even with Spencer as the starting ruckman we looked much better than the ladder would have you believe. Miller got the first before proceding to do nothing for the next three quarters, and despite the ball going inside the Saints 50 continually Frawley and Rivers were doing a mighty job in keeping them from scoring. The retiring players weren't having the best of time - Robbo was trying a bit too hard to kick a goal and Whelan was so crocked that he spent the game in the forward line - but who really cared? Reminded me of the 2005 finals when we had so many injuries Wheatley was forced to go back on despite being crocked and somehow kicked 2 goals.
We led at quarter time and surprisingly there wasn't a riot. Mainly because people knew that we'd still lose one way or the other but I'd like to think there were some people there who genuinely wanted us to get up. I must admit that I almost snuck into that category - after all we've already got pick 1, let's not be completely greedy bastards. There's something palatable about having the moral high ground of not having to rely on priority picks and that's been in the back of my mind for months. Unfortunately the reality is that as of next year the draft will be a complete farce and we had to lose. It's a shit system but what could we do?
At least we got to see the Jurrahcane kick his customary goal of the week contender with the biggest overhead snap since Robbo about ten years ago at Subiaco. The concept of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri forward line next year is hotter than the sun. Alas without Robertson to take the best defender it might be harder for the 'Cane to dominant. Having said that he has the biggest octopus arms in history so who's betting on him not just wrapping them around Matthew Scarlett's head and taking grabs?
The last six weeks of this season were our Springtime for Hitler. A secret plot to make massive losses in order to actually get in front financially. Bialystock and Bloom (to be played by Bailey and Connolly) were trying to lose money to avoid tax, we were losing footy games to get draft picks. This means that the role of Frank Liebkind, insane zealot and sympathiser for a failed system, will be taken by one Andrew Demetriou. Here's our end of season video,
"We're marching to a faster pace. Look out here comes the master race" etc.. Which is ironic considering how many blonde, blue eyed Germans we were playing against today.
Err anyway, you'll be surprised to know it didn't last. We did almost sneak to half time with a lead, which would have been a big fuck you to everyone who went for a half time/full time St. Kilda double to try and get themselves a bit of value. Sadly we didn't quite manage it and fell behind in the last couple of minutes. Our third quarters are rubbish at the best of times, so when the Saints got the first three of the term it appeared they were going to fire up and smash us. The Jurrahcane got a couple to keep it tidy though and somehow we were only 16 down going into the last change.
In a ridiculous scenario we were so close to the minor premiers and still a chance of rolling them but were actually punting them home to lose. The only thing that mattered in the last quarter was Robbo kicking a goal, Wheatley letting rip with a couple of trademark bombs and Whelan hitting somebody (preferably somebody with a name that starts with M and ends with ILNE). We got two of three, and Robbo's goal brought the house down. Brock McLean would have been beaten up by 5000 people in an on-field invasion if he hadn't thrown the handball over to him to kick it. The poor bastard was trying so hard today that he couldn't get near it other than a couple of misses.
We got the Wheatley show courtesy of a couple of torps into the centre square from kick-ins. Presumably he lined them up as not only a farewell to the crowd but for his NFL audition tape. He even managed to kick a goal with one of his 'trademark' bombs from outside 50. As much as commentators like to talk him up as the first man to ever kick a 9pt goal (as if 9pt goals are actually important) the term 'trademark' is a bit deceptive considering the set-play to handball it to him outside 50m move has a lifetime strike rate of about 28%. I'm glad they managed to get it right one last time in the last quarter of his last game. I've never been a massive Wheatley fan but he's always seemed like a genuinely nice guy so I'm pleased that he got himself into the highlight reel.
Unfortunately we didn't get the best of Wheels mainly because he could barely move. History will show that he's one of the, if not THE, most underrated players we had this decade. His on and off-field leadership has been invaluable and it's only injury that has kept him from playing more games. Lest we ever forget his murderous hit on Luke Ball in Round 1 2007;
And he got zero weeks for that one Hawthorn fans. Unfortunately from 2-2 in the first quarter we have had three seasons of slop since that moment, but it was still classic.
It's shame that after Wheatley's goal that we turned off and the Saints started piling on the goals to make it look far more respectable from their perspective. We deserved to be closer, but you can't blame a team who have been beaten from pillar to post all season for looking for the finish line. At least they put in a 1000 times more respectable performance than the slop that was R22 last year.
And that was it. Goodbye season 2009. As much as I hate St. Kilda they were pretty classy to wait ten minutes on the ground after the game to form a guard of honour for the retiring players. I must admit that I almost lost it when the woman leant over the fence and hugged Robbo. That was it. On went the sunnies to hide my shame - it was up there with when Daniher went off after his last game or when I found out Philthy had been delisted. Actually the last one was just obscenities and kicking over chairs.
Did anyone else feel a bit strange hearing the theme song belt out at the end? It was a nice touch but they could have played it once instead of belting it out 20 times.
Crowd Watch
One of the rare occasions I've been to a St. Kilda match and not ended up sitting next to people who have had (or deserve) a frontal lobotomy.
Retirement Rundown
Wheatley reckons he wants to go on. I can't see it happening, but surely he's got to have a crack at the NFL. I want to turn my TV on and see him roosting them for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Sav Rocca and Ben Graham don't look so out of place because they were big names but it would spin my head to see Wheats giving it a torp on ESPN.
Whelan is done but apparently wants to play local footy. We had better keep him on in some sort of role.
Then there's Robbo. He had a pretty awful game today but can you blame him? He wasn't doing 'the team thing' (which is pretty overrated I reckon) but why should he? He's given us 420+ goals and great memories, and he knows as much as anyone that nobody really wanted us to win anyway. As much as I've been frustrated by him at times I can't quite believe we're giving him the arse. One more season would have been perfect. I honestly hope that wherever he goes next year that he wins a flag - like Greg Wells he can go and win his premiership elsewhere but we'll always know he's Melbourne at heart.
But where will he go? The interstate teams probably wouldn't be interested (although as a wild card what about Port? Their forward line is pretty ordinary. Westhoff? Which one? Who cares they're both shit), and you can wipe out any side who aren't going to make the 8 next year. It basically comes down to Geelong and Carlton. I just can't see it but I hope he gets a gig somewhere.
He could even go to St. Kilda. At least then they could have a small forward who doesn't start sweating and fidgeting nervously during respect to women lectures.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Colin Sylvia
4 - Cale Morton
3 - Mark Jamar
2 - Liam Jurrah
1 - James McDonald
Apologies to Dunn (disposal was pox but was great at getting it), Bartram, Moloney, Cheney, Rivers and Frawley. The defenders got slapped late but they were killing it early on.
Final Leaderboard
Moloney might have snuck in for a vote but it wouldn't have helped. Davey's first half of the year has carried him to his first Jakovich Medal victory.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Congratulations to the winners, they join the following luminaries on the Demonblog leaderboard. I'd also like to announce that from next year the Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year will be the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award to take into account that any player who debuts in the last month of the season before is eligible to win it. Good news for Tom McNamara and Rohan Bail who are in with a shot next year.
2005
Jakovich - Johnstone
Seecamp - Carroll/Ferguson
Hilton - Nobody (No players eligible)
O'Dwyer - White
2006
Jakovich - McLean
Seecamp - Rivers
Hilton - Bate
O'Dwyer - White (2)
2007
Jakovich - Jones
Seecamp - Wheatley
Hilton - Petterd/Newton
O'Dwyer - White (3)
2008
Jakovich - Bruce
Seecamp - Whelan
Hilton - Morton
O'Dwyer - Johnson
2009
Jakovich - Davey
Seecamp - Frawley
Hilton - Grimes
O'Dwyer - Jamar
A full statistical analysis will follow later but as we speak the all-time biggest vote getter is Cam Bruce (125) all the way down to Guy Rigoni and Addam Maric on 2 apiece. 52 players have received votes since 2005. Davey's winning score of 30 is the second lowest in history - Travis Johnstone's 38 in 2005 is still the best result.
Giveaway Corner
I've still never seen the people who give away Friskies cat food, but judging by the 'everything must go' end of season clearance quantities that people were trying to carry after the game today they must be keen to shift heaps of the stuff. One or two packets is fine - as long as you've got a cat - but trying to balance five while walking through a wet car park is just undignified.
Next Week
Casey are in the finals. I'll be there. Apparently there's some sort of other top 8 contest going on over the next few weeks. How funny would it be if Matthew Lloyd somehow got off? Hawthorn fans would explode en masse. Hillarious. Shame Lloyd is pretty much fucked. Let's just hope the AFL don't do something stupid like schedule Hawthorn vs Essendon in R1 2010. Wait until Lloyd is back and then bring on the hate! Meanwhile I'd love a crunt of a player like Campbell Brown. Somebody is just angry and unbalanced. Rod Grinter apparently has a son who can play...
Next Season
Well it can't be worse than the last two can it? There are signs. My god there are signs. Have we not suffered enough?
Demonblog will be back with the Allen Jakovich Medal stats and an end of season review in the next week or so and then, pending any reports on Casey games, it'll be the usual process of forgetting to post again until January next year.
Final Thoughts
+
=
And so here we are. Another year that ends at Round 22 with nowt to show for it but a top draft pick. Except this time we get two top draft picks, and by christ I hope that means we don't have to put up with another two seasons like this for another 20 years. My mum unwittingly delivered line of the day when discussing the career of Nathan Brown. "How many players careers have we ruined?" she asked. Well snapping Brown's leg in two was one thing but it's nothing compared to what we're about to do to Tom Scully and PLAYER TO BE NAMED.
Everyone knew we were going to lose this week. St. Kilda were hardly going to make the same mistakes as they did against Essendon/North, and god forbid we got too close it would be wacky coaching moves a-go-go and/or a desperate attempt to put too many players on the ground for a headcount. Dean Bailey isn't an idiot, from the Richmond game on he knew that he wanted the top two picks and wasn't going to lose them. Now he has to deliver or risk having less credibility than Mark Harvey.
Like last week we started well. Amazingly there were no bizarre last minute changes, and even with Spencer as the starting ruckman we looked much better than the ladder would have you believe. Miller got the first before proceding to do nothing for the next three quarters, and despite the ball going inside the Saints 50 continually Frawley and Rivers were doing a mighty job in keeping them from scoring. The retiring players weren't having the best of time - Robbo was trying a bit too hard to kick a goal and Whelan was so crocked that he spent the game in the forward line - but who really cared? Reminded me of the 2005 finals when we had so many injuries Wheatley was forced to go back on despite being crocked and somehow kicked 2 goals.
We led at quarter time and surprisingly there wasn't a riot. Mainly because people knew that we'd still lose one way or the other but I'd like to think there were some people there who genuinely wanted us to get up. I must admit that I almost snuck into that category - after all we've already got pick 1, let's not be completely greedy bastards. There's something palatable about having the moral high ground of not having to rely on priority picks and that's been in the back of my mind for months. Unfortunately the reality is that as of next year the draft will be a complete farce and we had to lose. It's a shit system but what could we do?
At least we got to see the Jurrahcane kick his customary goal of the week contender with the biggest overhead snap since Robbo about ten years ago at Subiaco. The concept of a Jurrah/Wonaeamirri forward line next year is hotter than the sun. Alas without Robertson to take the best defender it might be harder for the 'Cane to dominant. Having said that he has the biggest octopus arms in history so who's betting on him not just wrapping them around Matthew Scarlett's head and taking grabs?
The last six weeks of this season were our Springtime for Hitler. A secret plot to make massive losses in order to actually get in front financially. Bialystock and Bloom (to be played by Bailey and Connolly) were trying to lose money to avoid tax, we were losing footy games to get draft picks. This means that the role of Frank Liebkind, insane zealot and sympathiser for a failed system, will be taken by one Andrew Demetriou. Here's our end of season video,
"We're marching to a faster pace. Look out here comes the master race" etc.. Which is ironic considering how many blonde, blue eyed Germans we were playing against today.
Err anyway, you'll be surprised to know it didn't last. We did almost sneak to half time with a lead, which would have been a big fuck you to everyone who went for a half time/full time St. Kilda double to try and get themselves a bit of value. Sadly we didn't quite manage it and fell behind in the last couple of minutes. Our third quarters are rubbish at the best of times, so when the Saints got the first three of the term it appeared they were going to fire up and smash us. The Jurrahcane got a couple to keep it tidy though and somehow we were only 16 down going into the last change.
In a ridiculous scenario we were so close to the minor premiers and still a chance of rolling them but were actually punting them home to lose. The only thing that mattered in the last quarter was Robbo kicking a goal, Wheatley letting rip with a couple of trademark bombs and Whelan hitting somebody (preferably somebody with a name that starts with M and ends with ILNE). We got two of three, and Robbo's goal brought the house down. Brock McLean would have been beaten up by 5000 people in an on-field invasion if he hadn't thrown the handball over to him to kick it. The poor bastard was trying so hard today that he couldn't get near it other than a couple of misses.
We got the Wheatley show courtesy of a couple of torps into the centre square from kick-ins. Presumably he lined them up as not only a farewell to the crowd but for his NFL audition tape. He even managed to kick a goal with one of his 'trademark' bombs from outside 50. As much as commentators like to talk him up as the first man to ever kick a 9pt goal (as if 9pt goals are actually important) the term 'trademark' is a bit deceptive considering the set-play to handball it to him outside 50m move has a lifetime strike rate of about 28%. I'm glad they managed to get it right one last time in the last quarter of his last game. I've never been a massive Wheatley fan but he's always seemed like a genuinely nice guy so I'm pleased that he got himself into the highlight reel.
Unfortunately we didn't get the best of Wheels mainly because he could barely move. History will show that he's one of the, if not THE, most underrated players we had this decade. His on and off-field leadership has been invaluable and it's only injury that has kept him from playing more games. Lest we ever forget his murderous hit on Luke Ball in Round 1 2007;
And he got zero weeks for that one Hawthorn fans. Unfortunately from 2-2 in the first quarter we have had three seasons of slop since that moment, but it was still classic.
It's shame that after Wheatley's goal that we turned off and the Saints started piling on the goals to make it look far more respectable from their perspective. We deserved to be closer, but you can't blame a team who have been beaten from pillar to post all season for looking for the finish line. At least they put in a 1000 times more respectable performance than the slop that was R22 last year.
And that was it. Goodbye season 2009. As much as I hate St. Kilda they were pretty classy to wait ten minutes on the ground after the game to form a guard of honour for the retiring players. I must admit that I almost lost it when the woman leant over the fence and hugged Robbo. That was it. On went the sunnies to hide my shame - it was up there with when Daniher went off after his last game or when I found out Philthy had been delisted. Actually the last one was just obscenities and kicking over chairs.
Did anyone else feel a bit strange hearing the theme song belt out at the end? It was a nice touch but they could have played it once instead of belting it out 20 times.
Crowd Watch
One of the rare occasions I've been to a St. Kilda match and not ended up sitting next to people who have had (or deserve) a frontal lobotomy.
Retirement Rundown
Wheatley reckons he wants to go on. I can't see it happening, but surely he's got to have a crack at the NFL. I want to turn my TV on and see him roosting them for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Sav Rocca and Ben Graham don't look so out of place because they were big names but it would spin my head to see Wheats giving it a torp on ESPN.
Whelan is done but apparently wants to play local footy. We had better keep him on in some sort of role.
Then there's Robbo. He had a pretty awful game today but can you blame him? He wasn't doing 'the team thing' (which is pretty overrated I reckon) but why should he? He's given us 420+ goals and great memories, and he knows as much as anyone that nobody really wanted us to win anyway. As much as I've been frustrated by him at times I can't quite believe we're giving him the arse. One more season would have been perfect. I honestly hope that wherever he goes next year that he wins a flag - like Greg Wells he can go and win his premiership elsewhere but we'll always know he's Melbourne at heart.
But where will he go? The interstate teams probably wouldn't be interested (although as a wild card what about Port? Their forward line is pretty ordinary. Westhoff? Which one? Who cares they're both shit), and you can wipe out any side who aren't going to make the 8 next year. It basically comes down to Geelong and Carlton. I just can't see it but I hope he gets a gig somewhere.
He could even go to St. Kilda. At least then they could have a small forward who doesn't start sweating and fidgeting nervously during respect to women lectures.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Colin Sylvia
4 - Cale Morton
3 - Mark Jamar
2 - Liam Jurrah
1 - James McDonald
Apologies to Dunn (disposal was pox but was great at getting it), Bartram, Moloney, Cheney, Rivers and Frawley. The defenders got slapped late but they were killing it early on.
Final Leaderboard
Moloney might have snuck in for a vote but it wouldn't have helped. Davey's first half of the year has carried him to his first Jakovich Medal victory.
30 - Aaron Davey (WINNER: 2009 Allen Jakovich Medal for Player of the Year)
27 - Brent Moloney
25 - Colin Sylvia
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Cale Morton
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (WINNER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Rising Star Award)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (WINNER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
10 - Liam Jurrah, James McDonald
9 - Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Congratulations to the winners, they join the following luminaries on the Demonblog leaderboard. I'd also like to announce that from next year the Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year will be the Jeff Hilton Rising Star award to take into account that any player who debuts in the last month of the season before is eligible to win it. Good news for Tom McNamara and Rohan Bail who are in with a shot next year.
2005
Jakovich - Johnstone
Seecamp - Carroll/Ferguson
Hilton - Nobody (No players eligible)
O'Dwyer - White
2006
Jakovich - McLean
Seecamp - Rivers
Hilton - Bate
O'Dwyer - White (2)
2007
Jakovich - Jones
Seecamp - Wheatley
Hilton - Petterd/Newton
O'Dwyer - White (3)
2008
Jakovich - Bruce
Seecamp - Whelan
Hilton - Morton
O'Dwyer - Johnson
2009
Jakovich - Davey
Seecamp - Frawley
Hilton - Grimes
O'Dwyer - Jamar
A full statistical analysis will follow later but as we speak the all-time biggest vote getter is Cam Bruce (125) all the way down to Guy Rigoni and Addam Maric on 2 apiece. 52 players have received votes since 2005. Davey's winning score of 30 is the second lowest in history - Travis Johnstone's 38 in 2005 is still the best result.
Giveaway Corner
I've still never seen the people who give away Friskies cat food, but judging by the 'everything must go' end of season clearance quantities that people were trying to carry after the game today they must be keen to shift heaps of the stuff. One or two packets is fine - as long as you've got a cat - but trying to balance five while walking through a wet car park is just undignified.
Next Week
Casey are in the finals. I'll be there. Apparently there's some sort of other top 8 contest going on over the next few weeks. How funny would it be if Matthew Lloyd somehow got off? Hawthorn fans would explode en masse. Hillarious. Shame Lloyd is pretty much fucked. Let's just hope the AFL don't do something stupid like schedule Hawthorn vs Essendon in R1 2010. Wait until Lloyd is back and then bring on the hate! Meanwhile I'd love a crunt of a player like Campbell Brown. Somebody is just angry and unbalanced. Rod Grinter apparently has a son who can play...
Next Season
Well it can't be worse than the last two can it? There are signs. My god there are signs. Have we not suffered enough?
Demonblog will be back with the Allen Jakovich Medal stats and an end of season review in the next week or so and then, pending any reports on Casey games, it'll be the usual process of forgetting to post again until January next year.
Final Thoughts
+
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Saturday, 22 August 2009
Monumental Moments in History
1 January 1901 - The Australian constitution comes into force and the colonies became states of the Commonwealth of Australia
2 September 1945 - The signing of the Japanese surrender on the deck of the USS Missouri
22 November 1963 - John Fitzgerald Kennedy goes for a drive through the streets of Dallas
22 August 2009 - Mark Jamar has seven kicks for five goals.
And no I'm not even going to bother resizing that. It's THAT SORT OF MOMENTOUS OCCASION
They used to ask where you were when man walked on the moon, from now on they will ask you where you were when a bloke who looks a bit like Alex Ischenko ran riot up front. I was in the front row of the third level of the Coventry End of Etihad Stadium.
Apparently we got thumped in the match too. Who gives a shit?
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
Not much juice in these votes today. A few racked up possessions but didn't have any great impact, therefore I'm going for the forward line power twins. The Russian wins the countback for going into the ruck at the end.
5 - Mark Jamar
4 - Russell Robertson
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Aaron Davey
1 - James Frawley
Apologies to McDonald, Sylvia, Bate, Davey, Moloney, Valenti, Rivers
Leaderboard
Pending a BOG performance from Moloney next week, Davey should be safe to win his first Jakovich. Jamar is home in the Strawbs, Frawley has got a 2 vote lead on Rivers in the Seecamp and Grimes can only lose the Hilton if the Jurrahcane picks up 5 votes next week.
30 - Aaron Davey
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - James McDonald, Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Liam Jurrah, Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Next Week
St. Kilda @ the MCG. We'll get porked, end of story.
Final Thoughts
Notwithstanding the fact that he's playing decent football, how does McDonald get a one year contract at the same time we're giving Robbo the arse for being too old?
2 September 1945 - The signing of the Japanese surrender on the deck of the USS Missouri
22 November 1963 - John Fitzgerald Kennedy goes for a drive through the streets of Dallas
22 August 2009 - Mark Jamar has seven kicks for five goals.
And no I'm not even going to bother resizing that. It's THAT SORT OF MOMENTOUS OCCASION
They used to ask where you were when man walked on the moon, from now on they will ask you where you were when a bloke who looks a bit like Alex Ischenko ran riot up front. I was in the front row of the third level of the Coventry End of Etihad Stadium.
Apparently we got thumped in the match too. Who gives a shit?
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
Not much juice in these votes today. A few racked up possessions but didn't have any great impact, therefore I'm going for the forward line power twins. The Russian wins the countback for going into the ruck at the end.
5 - Mark Jamar
4 - Russell Robertson
3 - Neville Jetta
2 - Aaron Davey
1 - James Frawley
Apologies to McDonald, Sylvia, Bate, Davey, Moloney, Valenti, Rivers
Leaderboard
Pending a BOG performance from Moloney next week, Davey should be safe to win his first Jakovich. Jamar is home in the Strawbs, Frawley has got a 2 vote lead on Rivers in the Seecamp and Grimes can only lose the Hilton if the Jurrahcane picks up 5 votes next week.
30 - Aaron Davey
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones
17 - Mark Jamar (WINNER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd, James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - James McDonald, Jared Rivers, Russell Robertson
8 - Liam Jurrah, Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Neville Jetta
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Next Week
St. Kilda @ the MCG. We'll get porked, end of story.
Final Thoughts
Notwithstanding the fact that he's playing decent football, how does McDonald get a one year contract at the same time we're giving Robbo the arse for being too old?
Sunday, 16 August 2009
Interstate visitors, Melbourne welcomes you
At 11am this morning I wasn't going to the game today. For the first time EVER I'd chosen non-compulsory work over a game. Need the money, meaningless end-of-season slopfest etc.. Then suddenly an opportunity to do a runner presents itself and I decide that keeping my ridiculous streak of seeing every game in Victoria when not overseas needed to continue no matter how much it was going to cost me in lost wages. And by christ thank god I did.
The last time we won a game by more than ten goals, Matthew Bate was playing his 4th, Neita kicked 6 and Hawthorn were fielding players like Ben Kane and Harry Miller. It has been a long time. 1186 days to be precise.
Nobody was there of course, but I think we all expected that. Somehow they managed to get just over 13,000 but if that wasn't at least moderately massaged then I'm not here. It wouldn't have been a surprise figure in a normal game much less one threatening to be played in aquatic conditions. If only Freo had kept Shipp and Gale. Imagine how few people would have been there if we'd beaten Richmond? Some goose rang up SEN at half time and claimed he couldn't go because he didn't want to have to cheer for Freo. How drunk/stupid/senile would you have to be to think that we're a chance to win either of our remaining games? Today was like a school muck-up day (with less maimed animals) - the last day of real fun you have before you cruise through the last two weeks with no effort. The only problem is we're too dense to be invited to the final exams.
I was a bit surprised that we went in as underdogs in this one. I know we were slop last week and they flogged Port, but surely the bookies were setting themselves up for a bit of a beating offering 2.20's on us during the week? Yes, we are the only team they ever beat at the MCG but were bookies living in some sort of fantasy world where we weren't rorting the system for the past fortnight.
Before we get to the game, an apology. I was severely deluded to suggest that Freo would come out at 110% and be physical after seeing us assume we were going to beat them for the last two weeks. What I forgot is that they're the flakiest football team of all time and probably didn't even mention it once before the match. Sure they got the first goal, and yes they were in the mix for most of the first half but it was as close to zero intensity as you can possibly get. I may be the only person in Melbourne who actually likes their theme song but there was no need to hear it again on the back of a soft performance like what they threw up today. The usual suspects (Pavlich and Sandilands) were handy, and the usual suspects (pretty much everyone else and players you've never heard of) were terrible. And where was Tim Ruffles, the first VFL/AFL player ever to be named after a potato chip?
Certainly not soft was Ricky Petterd, who gets more and more impressive every week. The advantage to him is that since we unearthed Jurrah it's meant that he no longer needs to be a forward every week, we can use him elsewhere and he can chip in for goals up forward when required. His mark for the first goal today was a pearler running back into a pack. Didn't do an enormous amount for the rest of the game but has been very impressive overall this year.
Another player who has impressed me enormously, but mainly over the last two weeks, has been Shane Valenti. He was robbed not to play more games earlier in the year but took his medicine, went back to the 2's and dominated there before coming into the 1's and playing good football. My only disappointment was that the moment when he was running straight at Sandilands he didn't perform a kamikaze manoevure and just throw himself into the wall of man in front of him. Lucky Nifty Nev Jetta did have a crack at an irresistable force/immovable object inferface later and actually pulled the tackle off. It was tops. Valenti did have his own highlight when he jumped over two much bigger Freo players from a ludicrous kick to contest and marked.
Brock McLean added two in a row after the Petterd goal before Luke McPharlin benefited from all-round farce twice in two minutes. First he got a free-kick 70m off the ball directly in front because James Frawley breathed on him, then he marked on the point post and somehow got to kick from a ridiculously front-on angle. The free kick was interesting - it might have legitimately been there under the AFL's rubbish new directive about off the ball incidents but what a pissweak directive. Did somebody at headquarters realise that the new rushed behind rule has been well received - against all odds - and decide that they had better come up with something stupid and confusing to annoy the fans with?
McNamara put us ahead at quarter time with his first career goal, even though he clearly had NO INTEREST in kicking it at the time. After he calmed down and stopped trying to find an option everywhere he went back and slotted it perfectly. A couple of decent games to start his career for the old T-Mac. Hopefully he can play out the next two weeks and get some vital experience under his belt before next year.
From thereon in it was all us. Even Paul Johnson, the man who has lost the plot something chronic this season, was plucking the ball out of ruck contests and dribbling goals through. Robbo tried to take Mark of the Year twice and got it right once. Won't win but could run top ten. Miller kicked one just before half time to extend the margin to more than three goals but I still felt like Freo were going to come out and fire up in the third quarter. Once again expecting Freo to do anything that a normal side would do is just pure stupidity. They remained putrid.
I quite like the Dockers, but they really are a colossal basketcase and have been pretty much since they played their first game. Remember Round 22, 1997 - when all they had to do was beat us (16th) to make the 8? Remember trading Pick 1 for Trent Croad? Remember Damian Drum? Ludicrously enough Drum is now a Victorian State MP. Hopefully he uses the same sort of foul language in parliament that he did in the coaches box at a practice game against us at Victoria Park once. I walked past as we thrashed them and the air was turning blue. True to form we almost lost that game.
So they kicked the first goal of the second half and I my blood pressure shifted up a notch (which is saying something considering that it's already higher than the world record Pac Man score). No need - the Jurrahcane came to the party which his second before Robbo and Davey before Bate, who could very well win the B&F this season, kicked his first.
38 points ahead at three quarter time. You could have had $1.02 on us with Luxbet, but as regular readers will know I'm never comfortable under we're beyond the Glenn Lovett Line (lest we forget his goal which put us 48 points in front in the last quarter against Essendon in 92 before they came back to win by a point). Jurrah got his third, thanks to a random 50m penalty bringing him right to the line, and then Sylvia - the SEN Supergoal specialist (call 9429 1116 to win a free DVD from name a game. Still waiting for mine from Queen's Birthday) - drilled one on the run to take us past the magic mark and allow us to put the feet up and enjoy the show.
And show it was. Robbo got another before Jurrah kicked one of the more random goals of the year. I saw it in person, watched it on the AFL website five times and just saw again on the news and still don't quite comprehend what happened. He was on the ground and somehow managed to grab the ball off the deck and kick it over his head with half the Dockers defence about to leap on him. Surely not a goal of the year contender, especially considering that Leon Davis will probably finish 1st to 5th, but right up there as a contender in the newly created Andrew Lamprill Award for Goal of the Year.
Bate capped off a great game with a couple of goals before Valenti snuck in for a well deserved one to put the margin beyond 70 points. Sadly Freo decided to show some heart 28 minutes into the last quarter and add a couple of goals to make it look a little less ridiculous.
A win and proof undeniable that we're at least 4pts better than last season. Not that I particually wanted to sing it but how come you can't hear the theme songs in the top deck of the Olympic Stand? They only redid the place a couple of a years ago, at least install some speakers. Strangely enough you can hear Susan the Providore in the CGU ads with no issues.
Random Thoughts
Imagine how well we would have been done if we hadn't been stooged by the umpires for four quarters? A lopsided free kick count doesn't mean shit if the frees weren't actually there but my god how many could we have had in the first half? The novelty 50 to Jurrah in the last quarter helped a bit but it was a complete slopfest before that.
Media Whore Corner
Watching the highlights on the AFL website - once I got them to actually work - proved why being at a game is always better than watching any commentary team involving Dwayne Russell and Liam Pickering. Leigh Colbert is the Fox Footy 1.10 equivalent to Pavlich, somebody who should just tell everyone around him that they're shit and storm out in disgust.
Kontract Korner
Every week I change my mind on Robbo. This week, not surprisingly, I think he should be given one more year. Just like Petterd he's looked a lot better with Jurrah thrown into the forward mix. He's not always having five defenders hang off him. Sure he shouldn't be allowed
Crowd Watch
And just to prove I was actually there when everybody is claiming it in the future, here's a candid snap from the post match kickaround shenanigans.
Ladies, calm thyselves.
Eating with the Stars
I went to get a hot dog at half time and stood in the same line as Jordie McKenzie. Jamie Bennell was waiting outside, obviously not wanting to soil his body with the sort of slop they sell at the footy (or not being able to afford it on his wage). Then David Neitz and Al Nicholson walked past and Jack Watts stood at the bottom of the escalator talking to some kid. It was half time bizarro world in the bottom deck of the Southern Stand.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Aaron Davey
4 - Matthew Bate
3 - Shane Valenti
2 - James McDonald
1 - Liam Jurrah
Apologies to (deep breath please) Bartram, Cheney, Dunn, Frawley (2nd-4th quarters), Johnson, Jones, Miller, Moloney, Morton, Petterd, Rivers, Robertson and Sylvia. And about five of them could have snuck in for a vote.
Leaderboard
What a change a week makes. We have a new leader as Davey bursts back into form with a cracker of a game and Bate joins the party at the top of the leaderboard as well. Moloney had 30 touches but just failed to slide in for a point which would have kept him equal first.
28 - Aaron Davey
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Mark Jamar (LEADER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd
10 - James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - James McDonald,Jared Rivers
8 - Liam Jurrah, Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney, Russell Robertson
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Next Week
Carlton will smack us. The week after that St. Kilda will do the same. Sadly we'll finish last again but there's no doubt that we're a far better team than last year, and when you throw picks 1 and 2 on top of that as well then there's some optimism for the future. I'd still like to fast forward a couple of years without the priority and see how we'd go with our dignity intact, but you can't have everything - may as well play it safe and take the loot while it's on offer.
Final Thoughts
This is the first time ever, as far as I can work out that four of my top five sports teams have won on the same day. Atlanta Falcons are excused due to not having a game, but Wimbledon, Wests Tigers and Wellington Phoenix (no, I will not be signing on with West Sydney) all did the job. It's a beautiful day. Next stop, punting the Dogs/Crows home in the finals and then trade week/draft day. Before you know it we'll be watching an intra-club game at Casey Fields in February next year. Maigod I can't wait.
The last time we won a game by more than ten goals, Matthew Bate was playing his 4th, Neita kicked 6 and Hawthorn were fielding players like Ben Kane and Harry Miller. It has been a long time. 1186 days to be precise.
Nobody was there of course, but I think we all expected that. Somehow they managed to get just over 13,000 but if that wasn't at least moderately massaged then I'm not here. It wouldn't have been a surprise figure in a normal game much less one threatening to be played in aquatic conditions. If only Freo had kept Shipp and Gale. Imagine how few people would have been there if we'd beaten Richmond? Some goose rang up SEN at half time and claimed he couldn't go because he didn't want to have to cheer for Freo. How drunk/stupid/senile would you have to be to think that we're a chance to win either of our remaining games? Today was like a school muck-up day (with less maimed animals) - the last day of real fun you have before you cruise through the last two weeks with no effort. The only problem is we're too dense to be invited to the final exams.
I was a bit surprised that we went in as underdogs in this one. I know we were slop last week and they flogged Port, but surely the bookies were setting themselves up for a bit of a beating offering 2.20's on us during the week? Yes, we are the only team they ever beat at the MCG but were bookies living in some sort of fantasy world where we weren't rorting the system for the past fortnight.
Before we get to the game, an apology. I was severely deluded to suggest that Freo would come out at 110% and be physical after seeing us assume we were going to beat them for the last two weeks. What I forgot is that they're the flakiest football team of all time and probably didn't even mention it once before the match. Sure they got the first goal, and yes they were in the mix for most of the first half but it was as close to zero intensity as you can possibly get. I may be the only person in Melbourne who actually likes their theme song but there was no need to hear it again on the back of a soft performance like what they threw up today. The usual suspects (Pavlich and Sandilands) were handy, and the usual suspects (pretty much everyone else and players you've never heard of) were terrible. And where was Tim Ruffles, the first VFL/AFL player ever to be named after a potato chip?
Certainly not soft was Ricky Petterd, who gets more and more impressive every week. The advantage to him is that since we unearthed Jurrah it's meant that he no longer needs to be a forward every week, we can use him elsewhere and he can chip in for goals up forward when required. His mark for the first goal today was a pearler running back into a pack. Didn't do an enormous amount for the rest of the game but has been very impressive overall this year.
Another player who has impressed me enormously, but mainly over the last two weeks, has been Shane Valenti. He was robbed not to play more games earlier in the year but took his medicine, went back to the 2's and dominated there before coming into the 1's and playing good football. My only disappointment was that the moment when he was running straight at Sandilands he didn't perform a kamikaze manoevure and just throw himself into the wall of man in front of him. Lucky Nifty Nev Jetta did have a crack at an irresistable force/immovable object inferface later and actually pulled the tackle off. It was tops. Valenti did have his own highlight when he jumped over two much bigger Freo players from a ludicrous kick to contest and marked.
Brock McLean added two in a row after the Petterd goal before Luke McPharlin benefited from all-round farce twice in two minutes. First he got a free-kick 70m off the ball directly in front because James Frawley breathed on him, then he marked on the point post and somehow got to kick from a ridiculously front-on angle. The free kick was interesting - it might have legitimately been there under the AFL's rubbish new directive about off the ball incidents but what a pissweak directive. Did somebody at headquarters realise that the new rushed behind rule has been well received - against all odds - and decide that they had better come up with something stupid and confusing to annoy the fans with?
McNamara put us ahead at quarter time with his first career goal, even though he clearly had NO INTEREST in kicking it at the time. After he calmed down and stopped trying to find an option everywhere he went back and slotted it perfectly. A couple of decent games to start his career for the old T-Mac. Hopefully he can play out the next two weeks and get some vital experience under his belt before next year.
From thereon in it was all us. Even Paul Johnson, the man who has lost the plot something chronic this season, was plucking the ball out of ruck contests and dribbling goals through. Robbo tried to take Mark of the Year twice and got it right once. Won't win but could run top ten. Miller kicked one just before half time to extend the margin to more than three goals but I still felt like Freo were going to come out and fire up in the third quarter. Once again expecting Freo to do anything that a normal side would do is just pure stupidity. They remained putrid.
I quite like the Dockers, but they really are a colossal basketcase and have been pretty much since they played their first game. Remember Round 22, 1997 - when all they had to do was beat us (16th) to make the 8? Remember trading Pick 1 for Trent Croad? Remember Damian Drum? Ludicrously enough Drum is now a Victorian State MP. Hopefully he uses the same sort of foul language in parliament that he did in the coaches box at a practice game against us at Victoria Park once. I walked past as we thrashed them and the air was turning blue. True to form we almost lost that game.
So they kicked the first goal of the second half and I my blood pressure shifted up a notch (which is saying something considering that it's already higher than the world record Pac Man score). No need - the Jurrahcane came to the party which his second before Robbo and Davey before Bate, who could very well win the B&F this season, kicked his first.
38 points ahead at three quarter time. You could have had $1.02 on us with Luxbet, but as regular readers will know I'm never comfortable under we're beyond the Glenn Lovett Line (lest we forget his goal which put us 48 points in front in the last quarter against Essendon in 92 before they came back to win by a point). Jurrah got his third, thanks to a random 50m penalty bringing him right to the line, and then Sylvia - the SEN Supergoal specialist (call 9429 1116 to win a free DVD from name a game. Still waiting for mine from Queen's Birthday) - drilled one on the run to take us past the magic mark and allow us to put the feet up and enjoy the show.
And show it was. Robbo got another before Jurrah kicked one of the more random goals of the year. I saw it in person, watched it on the AFL website five times and just saw again on the news and still don't quite comprehend what happened. He was on the ground and somehow managed to grab the ball off the deck and kick it over his head with half the Dockers defence about to leap on him. Surely not a goal of the year contender, especially considering that Leon Davis will probably finish 1st to 5th, but right up there as a contender in the newly created Andrew Lamprill Award for Goal of the Year.
Bate capped off a great game with a couple of goals before Valenti snuck in for a well deserved one to put the margin beyond 70 points. Sadly Freo decided to show some heart 28 minutes into the last quarter and add a couple of goals to make it look a little less ridiculous.
A win and proof undeniable that we're at least 4pts better than last season. Not that I particually wanted to sing it but how come you can't hear the theme songs in the top deck of the Olympic Stand? They only redid the place a couple of a years ago, at least install some speakers. Strangely enough you can hear Susan the Providore in the CGU ads with no issues.
Random Thoughts
Imagine how well we would have been done if we hadn't been stooged by the umpires for four quarters? A lopsided free kick count doesn't mean shit if the frees weren't actually there but my god how many could we have had in the first half? The novelty 50 to Jurrah in the last quarter helped a bit but it was a complete slopfest before that.
Media Whore Corner
Watching the highlights on the AFL website - once I got them to actually work - proved why being at a game is always better than watching any commentary team involving Dwayne Russell and Liam Pickering. Leigh Colbert is the Fox Footy 1.10 equivalent to Pavlich, somebody who should just tell everyone around him that they're shit and storm out in disgust.
Kontract Korner
Every week I change my mind on Robbo. This week, not surprisingly, I think he should be given one more year. Just like Petterd he's looked a lot better with Jurrah thrown into the forward mix. He's not always having five defenders hang off him. Sure he shouldn't be allowed
Crowd Watch
And just to prove I was actually there when everybody is claiming it in the future, here's a candid snap from the post match kickaround shenanigans.
Ladies, calm thyselves.
Eating with the Stars
I went to get a hot dog at half time and stood in the same line as Jordie McKenzie. Jamie Bennell was waiting outside, obviously not wanting to soil his body with the sort of slop they sell at the footy (or not being able to afford it on his wage). Then David Neitz and Al Nicholson walked past and Jack Watts stood at the bottom of the escalator talking to some kid. It was half time bizarro world in the bottom deck of the Southern Stand.
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Aaron Davey
4 - Matthew Bate
3 - Shane Valenti
2 - James McDonald
1 - Liam Jurrah
Apologies to (deep breath please) Bartram, Cheney, Dunn, Frawley (2nd-4th quarters), Johnson, Jones, Miller, Moloney, Morton, Petterd, Rivers, Robertson and Sylvia. And about five of them could have snuck in for a vote.
Leaderboard
What a change a week makes. We have a new leader as Davey bursts back into form with a cracker of a game and Bate joins the party at the top of the leaderboard as well. Moloney had 30 touches but just failed to slide in for a point which would have kept him equal first.
28 - Aaron Davey
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Matthew Bate
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Mark Jamar (LEADER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd
10 - James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - James McDonald,Jared Rivers
8 - Liam Jurrah, Matthew Warnock
7 - Brad Miller
6 - Shane Valenti
5 - Kyle Cheney, Russell Robertson
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Next Week
Carlton will smack us. The week after that St. Kilda will do the same. Sadly we'll finish last again but there's no doubt that we're a far better team than last year, and when you throw picks 1 and 2 on top of that as well then there's some optimism for the future. I'd still like to fast forward a couple of years without the priority and see how we'd go with our dignity intact, but you can't have everything - may as well play it safe and take the loot while it's on offer.
Final Thoughts
This is the first time ever, as far as I can work out that four of my top five sports teams have won on the same day. Atlanta Falcons are excused due to not having a game, but Wimbledon, Wests Tigers and Wellington Phoenix (no, I will not be signing on with West Sydney) all did the job. It's a beautiful day. Next stop, punting the Dogs/Crows home in the finals and then trade week/draft day. Before you know it we'll be watching an intra-club game at Casey Fields in February next year. Maigod I can't wait.
Sunday, 9 August 2009
You Can't Stop The Horror
First things first, the raffle results. For those of you who bought a ticket in the "What key player will mysteriously suffer an injury and withdraw from the team" fundraising lottery the winning number is #27 J.RIVERS. Please collect your prize from the club office during business hours.
Well it's been an interesting week. We've been whipped from pillar to post for the tactical 'experimentation' which seemingly cost us the Richmond game. At least Bailey, who can't please anyone at the moment, came out and said that he'd keep bringing the freaky deaky moves for the rest of the year - thus giving us some reason to keep turning up and watching this shit.
And the wild experimentation started at the selection table. Rohan Bail came in straight from the Casey 2's, and Tom McNamara was picked after a blockbusting 4 possession performance for their seniors the week before. No sign yet of Danny Hughes or, god forbid, Trent ZOMG but give it a couple of weeks. Injuries to Blease and Healey aside, this year has all the hallmarks of that season at Essendon where every single player on the list got a game except one - and he was due to debut in the last round before doing a hamstring at the last training session.
So, the least we could expect was some wacky positional manoevures. They owed the 15 Melbourne fans who actually showed up to the ground that at least. And what an atmosphere - it was as if every single person in the ground had been lobotomised. No wonder our fans were depressed, we lined up with a relatively normal structure and still played like shit. Luckily in the early going North weren't much better. Our players looked pretty flat, which is not so surprising in Round 19 of an often futile season, but I'll bet you it had everything to do with them wondering when they were going to be thrown into some ludicrous position that they had no experience playing.
First things first if you blinked you probably missed Rohan Bail's debut game. He got a kick in the first minute, did his thigh and was never seen again. To be honest I blinked and missed his kick. Poor guy - what a way to debut. At the other end of the spectrum McNamara spent most of the game on the ground and wasn't too bad. He didn't do anything spectacular but looked solid enough for a first gamer.
Of course one quarter is all you get with this side. We didn't manage a goal in the 2nd and barely even registered a score. It was painful viewing. To be entirely honest I tuned right out. All I remember is hugh swathes of play where both sides turned it over to each other about twenty times before North finally got a goal. Absolutely rubbish football.
The second half was like Argentina in the late 70's, people who had been prominent were just disappearing with no explanation and never being seen again. Jetta and Valenti had been good all day but vanished off the face of the earth while North ran riot. We fired up a bit and even Juice managed to take his tally to 2 goals without missing a sitter (not surprisingly he didn't make it to 3). It looked as if they were going to have a big crack in the last quarter, unencumbered, and at least go down with a respectable (nay honourable) loss. Wrong. Cue a ten goal loss to a team who hadn't won in a million years and were, frankly, ordinary.
Highlight of the day was undoubtedly Jake Spencer's first career shot on goal. For those of you who missed it think of Jamar in the goalsquare against Essendon last year, Robbo against Hawthorn this year and then double it. This time Spence took a beautiful (!) pass (?) by Newton (!?) 40m out on a slight angle. He went back to have a ping at the set-shot, started walking in... and dropped the ball cold on the ground. The poor bastard recovered to get a quick snap off but it didn't even score. Welcome to the blooper reel for the rest of your life. He's getting better - and certainly not contesting the ruck with an "air conductor" baton technique anymore but bad luck everyone's going to remember the ball drop and nothing else.
We did, however, get to see the worst free kick ever paid. Petterd jumped, the North guy jumped, nobody went anywhere near anyone's back and somehow the umpire paid a free to us. It was completely mystifying. Lucky there was absolutely nothing on the line at the time.
And now a message from the SAVE LYNDEN DUNN ACTION FACTION (SLDAF);
What the fuck was up with leaving Dunn on Goldstein for so long? He's not a key defender and, Frawley aside, wasn't surrounded by any key defenders. Not surprisingly he got slaughtered. I don't give a rats if Stef Martin had kicked two, he's a freaking defender and with Warnock, Garland and Rivers not available he needs to spend some time in defence. By the last quarter it wouldn't have hurt to throw him down there, but instead we left him in a misfiring forward line and got nothing out of it except the record showing that some slop kicked 5 goals against us. If I were Dunn I'd be asking for a trade at the end of the year. He's just disrespected at this club.
Eventually, and mercifully, it was over. The North fans celebrated - you might as well if you'd lost 9 in a row, even if it was the cheapest and nastiest ten goal victory in history - and we all just shrugged and walked out. All 8 of us that were left at the end. The cheersquad were still trying to get a bit of clap, clap, clap going in the last quarter but they're not exactly normal people so it doesn't count.
Civil War Corner
Speaking of the cheersquad, can anyone fill me in with the latest news on the split that they suffered last year? Has the ruckus died down? Was it really divided around the issue of the guy with the homemade Ricky Jackson jumper who did bizarre claps and had his wedding reception in Pizza Hut?
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Bate
4 - Jones
3 - Valenti
2 - Sylvia
1 - Petterd
Apologies to Cheney, Dunn (pre-Goldstein fiasco), Jetta, McDonald, McNamara, Morton and Newton
Leaderboard
Moloney doesn't like right and I doubt he'll play next week and Davey has been ordinary the last month - therefore with 15 votes maximum on offer over the next three weeks anyone from Morton and up could theoretically win (except for Green of course) but all the money is for Sylvia.
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Aaron Davey
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones, Matthew Bate
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Mark Jamar (LEADER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd
10 - James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - Jared Rivers
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - James McDonald, Liam Jurrah, Brad Miller
5 - Kyle Cheney, Russell Robertson
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Shane Valenti
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Last Night
Went to the Brisbane/Essendon game. It's nice to be able to watch a match without your head in your hands for four quarters. First draw I've seen live since Sydney at the MCG in 1992. Instead of playing the theme songs the MCG blasted out "No Second Prize" instead - it was tops. I love a game where you go as a neutral and still manage to be the only person in the ground who goes home happy.
Next Week
To be entirely frank I reckon Freo are going to smash us. Forget for a minute the travelling thing, if you're Mark Harvey what are you going to tell your players? You're going to tell them that they're playing a side who are so overconfident that they're going to beat you that they've effectively given up one win - and not exactly given themselves 100% chance of another - in preparation. They'll come out at a million miles an hour and we'll probably do something stupid like play Dunn on Pavlich and get slaughtered.
REMINDER - Under no circumstances will I be at this game - I'm taking the money for working that day and listening on the radio instead. If you want to write the report or do the votes email me (supermercado AT demonblog.com), otherwise I'll just be passing on second hand bollocks from the likes of Kevin Bartlett and nobody wants that.
Final Thoughts
This has been one of the worst fortnights in the last decade (R1/2 2008 just shades it for recent memories). Somebody this season's gonna be over.
Well it's been an interesting week. We've been whipped from pillar to post for the tactical 'experimentation' which seemingly cost us the Richmond game. At least Bailey, who can't please anyone at the moment, came out and said that he'd keep bringing the freaky deaky moves for the rest of the year - thus giving us some reason to keep turning up and watching this shit.
And the wild experimentation started at the selection table. Rohan Bail came in straight from the Casey 2's, and Tom McNamara was picked after a blockbusting 4 possession performance for their seniors the week before. No sign yet of Danny Hughes or, god forbid, Trent ZOMG but give it a couple of weeks. Injuries to Blease and Healey aside, this year has all the hallmarks of that season at Essendon where every single player on the list got a game except one - and he was due to debut in the last round before doing a hamstring at the last training session.
So, the least we could expect was some wacky positional manoevures. They owed the 15 Melbourne fans who actually showed up to the ground that at least. And what an atmosphere - it was as if every single person in the ground had been lobotomised. No wonder our fans were depressed, we lined up with a relatively normal structure and still played like shit. Luckily in the early going North weren't much better. Our players looked pretty flat, which is not so surprising in Round 19 of an often futile season, but I'll bet you it had everything to do with them wondering when they were going to be thrown into some ludicrous position that they had no experience playing.
First things first if you blinked you probably missed Rohan Bail's debut game. He got a kick in the first minute, did his thigh and was never seen again. To be honest I blinked and missed his kick. Poor guy - what a way to debut. At the other end of the spectrum McNamara spent most of the game on the ground and wasn't too bad. He didn't do anything spectacular but looked solid enough for a first gamer.
Of course one quarter is all you get with this side. We didn't manage a goal in the 2nd and barely even registered a score. It was painful viewing. To be entirely honest I tuned right out. All I remember is hugh swathes of play where both sides turned it over to each other about twenty times before North finally got a goal. Absolutely rubbish football.
The second half was like Argentina in the late 70's, people who had been prominent were just disappearing with no explanation and never being seen again. Jetta and Valenti had been good all day but vanished off the face of the earth while North ran riot. We fired up a bit and even Juice managed to take his tally to 2 goals without missing a sitter (not surprisingly he didn't make it to 3). It looked as if they were going to have a big crack in the last quarter, unencumbered, and at least go down with a respectable (nay honourable) loss. Wrong. Cue a ten goal loss to a team who hadn't won in a million years and were, frankly, ordinary.
Highlight of the day was undoubtedly Jake Spencer's first career shot on goal. For those of you who missed it think of Jamar in the goalsquare against Essendon last year, Robbo against Hawthorn this year and then double it. This time Spence took a beautiful (!) pass (?) by Newton (!?) 40m out on a slight angle. He went back to have a ping at the set-shot, started walking in... and dropped the ball cold on the ground. The poor bastard recovered to get a quick snap off but it didn't even score. Welcome to the blooper reel for the rest of your life. He's getting better - and certainly not contesting the ruck with an "air conductor" baton technique anymore but bad luck everyone's going to remember the ball drop and nothing else.
We did, however, get to see the worst free kick ever paid. Petterd jumped, the North guy jumped, nobody went anywhere near anyone's back and somehow the umpire paid a free to us. It was completely mystifying. Lucky there was absolutely nothing on the line at the time.
And now a message from the SAVE LYNDEN DUNN ACTION FACTION (SLDAF);
What the fuck was up with leaving Dunn on Goldstein for so long? He's not a key defender and, Frawley aside, wasn't surrounded by any key defenders. Not surprisingly he got slaughtered. I don't give a rats if Stef Martin had kicked two, he's a freaking defender and with Warnock, Garland and Rivers not available he needs to spend some time in defence. By the last quarter it wouldn't have hurt to throw him down there, but instead we left him in a misfiring forward line and got nothing out of it except the record showing that some slop kicked 5 goals against us. If I were Dunn I'd be asking for a trade at the end of the year. He's just disrespected at this club.
Eventually, and mercifully, it was over. The North fans celebrated - you might as well if you'd lost 9 in a row, even if it was the cheapest and nastiest ten goal victory in history - and we all just shrugged and walked out. All 8 of us that were left at the end. The cheersquad were still trying to get a bit of clap, clap, clap going in the last quarter but they're not exactly normal people so it doesn't count.
Civil War Corner
Speaking of the cheersquad, can anyone fill me in with the latest news on the split that they suffered last year? Has the ruckus died down? Was it really divided around the issue of the guy with the homemade Ricky Jackson jumper who did bizarre claps and had his wedding reception in Pizza Hut?
2009 Allen Jakovich Medal Votes
5 - Bate
4 - Jones
3 - Valenti
2 - Sylvia
1 - Petterd
Apologies to Cheney, Dunn (pre-Goldstein fiasco), Jetta, McDonald, McNamara, Morton and Newton
Leaderboard
Moloney doesn't like right and I doubt he'll play next week and Davey has been ordinary the last month - therefore with 15 votes maximum on offer over the next three weeks anyone from Morton and up could theoretically win (except for Green of course) but all the money is for Sylvia.
27 - Brent Moloney
23 - Aaron Davey
20 - Colin Sylvia
19 - Nathan Jones, Matthew Bate
16 - Brad Green
15 - Cameron Bruce
13 - Cale Morton
12 - Stefan Martin, Brock McLean, Mark Jamar (LEADER: Strawbs O'Dwyer Medal for Ruckman of the Year), Jack Grimes (LEADER: 2009 Jeff Hilton Medal for Rookie of the Year)
11 - Ricky Petterd
10 - James Frawley (LEADER: 2009 Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
9 - Jared Rivers
8 - Matthew Warnock
7 - James McDonald, Liam Jurrah, Brad Miller
5 - Kyle Cheney, Russell Robertson
4 - Jamie Bennell
3 - Matthew Whelan, Shane Valenti
2 - Paul Johnson, Clint Bartram
1 - Lynden Dunn
Last Night
Went to the Brisbane/Essendon game. It's nice to be able to watch a match without your head in your hands for four quarters. First draw I've seen live since Sydney at the MCG in 1992. Instead of playing the theme songs the MCG blasted out "No Second Prize" instead - it was tops. I love a game where you go as a neutral and still manage to be the only person in the ground who goes home happy.
Next Week
To be entirely frank I reckon Freo are going to smash us. Forget for a minute the travelling thing, if you're Mark Harvey what are you going to tell your players? You're going to tell them that they're playing a side who are so overconfident that they're going to beat you that they've effectively given up one win - and not exactly given themselves 100% chance of another - in preparation. They'll come out at a million miles an hour and we'll probably do something stupid like play Dunn on Pavlich and get slaughtered.
REMINDER - Under no circumstances will I be at this game - I'm taking the money for working that day and listening on the radio instead. If you want to write the report or do the votes email me (supermercado AT demonblog.com), otherwise I'll just be passing on second hand bollocks from the likes of Kevin Bartlett and nobody wants that.
Final Thoughts
This has been one of the worst fortnights in the last decade (R1/2 2008 just shades it for recent memories). Somebody this season's gonna be over.
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