Mid-Season graft

Maybe it's the lead indicator of a total nervous breakdown, but I had zero enthusiasm for this game in the lead-up, on the day, or until five minutes into the last quarter when we looked a half chance of nicking it, which was about when our strategy was reduced to "hope the Crows spontaneously combust". A hint of smoke was detected, but Adelaide never took the full Mary Reeser Option. After generously leaving the door open for us as long as possible, they had no option but to win.

In our 2026 interstate loss rankings, this shit on Essendon, Fremantle and GWS. I'd argue it was even better than Sydney, because we may have kicked the extremely late-Goodwin era score of 9.8, but defended reasonably. Especially against opposition with a forward line that could have rogered us if we'd let them transmit the ball from one end to the other without challenge. 

I'm not faulting the effort, pressure, five goal first quarter, or still being a chance of winning until midway through the last quarter but as we've discovered in recent years - scoring is an important component of winning. In the unlikely event that we look back on this game in two years and that part of the game has been welded to the big effort, then everyone will be happy. At the moment it's just a middle-of-the-road loss that would've meant a lot more if it was still important to finish 7th rather than 10th.

If you'd AI'ed up a game in February based on my expectations for the season, this is exactly what it would've looked like. Maybe the reason I couldn't get excited was subconscious suspicion that it was all a deepfake swizz that wasn't really happening. Turns out it did count in the premiership standings. That's a shame.

The long-awaited bye is coming at the right time for me. Like a team that's played 15 games without a bye, while Hawthorn has had two. Considering that, and the foul run of injuries to a list that already had questionable depth, we've done remarkably well, no matter where the season goes from here. But given our inability to string goals across the game was what did for us in the end, what was the point of picking Kentfield, then only giving him 29% of game time? Heath didn't play in the VFL, but I assume he was alive and eligible for selection. Kent hasn't set the world on fire since debut, but what's he supposed to do under these circumstances?

The commentators were positively frothing at the prospect of Rankin' Wankin' intersecting with Lick It For Pickett, and didn't have to wait long for half of the equation to get going. Ours never did, having his worst game in years. The local version got the best of a bad bounce, and before you could say "Oh for f..." the Crows were inside 50 and kicking a goal. Somehow this turned into us kicking five goals for the quarter - including three to the every-so-often maligned JVR - and giving us a preview of what might be Steven King's most important long-term import from Geelong, not playing particularly well but still (temporarily) winning.

I'd love to be jaded enough to complain about a five goal quarter, but it did feel against the flow. I appreciate van Rooyen's goals, Sparrow going full-coalface again after a few weeks where the rest of the competition realised who he was, and Gawn taking his opponent to school, but for a game where we were never more than 10 points behind until the dying moments, it never felt like we were really in it. Didn't exclude us from stealing the win, and legging it out of Adelaide in fits of laughter, to the tune of anguished howling from the locals. 

The result was hardly inspiring, but in many ways it was a better outing than the previous week. No fault found in our effort against a good side, but the long search for a reliable avenue to goal continues. I know we kicked 0.6 in the second quarter, but this was an occasion where one point begat the next because we couldn't kick straight. Yes, we'd have got at least as much value if one of them had gone in (unless it led to the opposition kicking nine in reply), and Gawn was getting most of the centre bounce action, but everything about this game screamed PLACEHOLDER, right down to the timeslot and the commentary team. 

A win would've been handy, but now that there's no longer the tension of having to finish in the top half of the competition, you can afford to retain your bundle over random mid-season losses. I was so distracted (including spending 30 minutes on the phone, well into the third quarter - having the fuckers who weren't answering my call regularly interrupting their chintzy on-hold music to either assure me I was 1st in the queue, or that they'd hang up if you were abusive. Which obviously didn't count when the on hold music was playing, because I was alternating between swearing at the game and their false claims) that every time McAndrew was mentioned, I had a moment of wondering why they were talking about Mac Andrew. It was that sort of afternoon.

Despite thinking "just get this over with" from pretty much the first bounce, Jefferson's second goal gave me renewed interest in pinching victory. It wouldn't have been 'undeserved', but neither would you have thought justice had been served. Just as I started to get into it, we didn't kick another goal and went solemnly to our death, like the band on the Titanic as it went under.

For the sake of keeping it interesting, Adelaide didn't look too bothered about putting us away. Their generosity was demonstrated by Taylor Walker offering Pickett the ball after taking a mark. The only problem was that our man wasn't entitled to it, fell for the world's most obvious sting, and gave away a 50. Every positive mention of Walker must legally include this graphic...

... but imagine having a 36-year-old forward with 300+ games who still pulls off schemes like this? I doubt all our key forwards since David Neitz have played 300 games in attack combined.

Our last chance died when a lovely forward move fell apart due to a fumble before it could even be kicked straight down the throat of an Adelaide defender. Apparently the Crows kicked a goal after the siren, and good luck to them, but I'd already given up with 30 seconds left. 

There was some meme-worthy footage of Steven King looking bamboozled - probably pondering if he's the first AFL coach ever to get sued for doing something between appointment and first game - but other than a missed four points that will probably end up causing us to finish 11th and gift the last 'finals' spot to a North Melbourne side with a percentage of 83.6%, no fatal harm done. Pickett won't be that off every week, Petty will be back to (yes, 2025 me, I am saying this) save our forward line, and they've all had a look at how you can conceivably pressure your way into brave away wins without having to score 125 points.

Enjoy the week off, come back recharged for some late season mayhem.

2026 Allen Jakovich Medal votes
5 - Max Gawn
4 - Tom Sparrow
3 - Jack Steele
2 - Jacob van Rooyen
1 - Kade Chandler

Apologies to Turner and anyone else you want.

Leaderboard
Advantage Max, as he goes +2 BOGs ahead. There are now only 40 home and away votes available, so the dreaded line of non-contention is beginning to swallow the unfortunates. However, there are up to 20 BOG votes available for a wildcard - Grand Final that will make further mockery of the process.  

43 - Max Gawn (PROVISIONAL WINNER: Jim Stynes Medal for Ruckman of the Year)
32 - Kysaiah Pickett
23 - Jack Steele
21 - Tom Sparrow
17 - Daniel Turner (LEADER: Marcus Seecamp Medal for Defender of the Year)
13 - Ed Langdon
12 - Harvey Langford
10 - Jacob van Rooyen
9 - Jake Bowey, Kade Chandler
6 - Harrison Petty, Caleb Windsor
5 - Jake Lever
4 - Brody Mihocek, Koltyn Tholstrup
--- Needs finals to win ---
2 - Bayley Fritsch, Blake Howes, Jake Melksham, Harry Sharp
1 - Jai Culley

Next week +1
It's our proper VFL/AFL debut in Launceston. Once we blew a five goal lead in a pre-season game at York Park, and I threw a shoe at somebody else's TV. Tonking Hawthorn the first time around was the highlight of our season to date, but this is probably going to be the Reverse Essendon, where bad result follows good. I feel the season is on the verge of going tits up, but that's my default view, so draw your own conclusions.

You won't be surprised to find out that I didn't see a second of the Casey game. I know they're going to rush Pickett (L) back into the side because a) he kicked four in shit conditions, and b) Melksham has looked fried in consecutive weeks, but let's just have one more week of form-finding in the VFL/losing in the AFL, then commit to him for the rest of the year. Meanwhile, Jiath for McDonald is hardly a straight swap, but I'm keen on trying for a "dick your old side twice in the same year" double.

IN: Heath, Jiath, Petty
OUT: Kentfield, McDonald (omit), (whoever you like) (omit/managed)
LUCKY: Melksham
UNLUCKY: Henderson, L. Pickett

Aaron Davey Medal for Goal of the Year
The Chandler one in the third quarter. Cross vs Collingwood still leads.

Final thoughts
Let's try again in a few weeks.