It's here at last. The "I saw Mark Jamar kick five goals" t-shirts and "MEESEN MAGIC" wizard capes were considered to be of far too obscure to justify printing - but now after years of alleged products we've got a real one for you and not only is it legitimate but it's also for a good cause.
See below for more information on how you can score a stylish, modern and frankly Soviet looking t-shirt designed by @somtum
Ebay is being an absolute tart and not letting me put multiple items on there without paying $50 or being a 'power seller' so we're going to have to do this the old country way. Email your name, delivery address, number of shirts and sizes required to email@example.com and we'll get back to you with details on how to make payment. You can buy under an assumed name if you like, but make sure that there's some way to connect your order to your payment.
Please note - the shirts are currently in production and are expected to be delivered around the 25th of March. You are pre-ordering for delivery ASAP after we receive them - the design on the shirt is exactly as shown below on the same coloured shirt as the display image.
As of 2.45pm Sunday 17 March all shirts in both medium and large are sold out. But feel free to email me and I'll put you on the waiting list in case somebody drops out.
Catalogue item 1: Melbourne FC "Not Guilty World Tour" t-shirts
Price: $20 + $2 postage (free delivery within CBD)
Payment via PayPal only (unless it's being hand delivered within the CBD and then you can pay on delivery)
Do you have a hole in your heart as deep as well now that your football club's name is not being dragged through the mud by all and sundry? Are you pining for the glory days of the Tankquiry when it looked like "Melbourne will be harshly punished. Cameron Schwab and Chris Connolly will be finished at the club." (C. Wilson, The Age 03/11/12). Keen to celebrate that the AFL found the Melbourne Football Club not guilty of tanking (that's NOT guilty)? Then this is the limited edition item for you.
Just 50 of these shirts are being made, and all profits will go towards helping the MFC pay their share of the AFL's $500,000 "Not Guilty of Tanking Tax". If we sell all the shirts we'll be able to donate about $500 to the club to help cover some of the costs of the tax - that's 0.1% of the total fine.. err.. tax.
Buy one for yourself! Give one as a gift! Send one anonymously to Caro at The Age! A million uses, and all of them helping contribute to soothing your own personal guilt at being a little too happy when Jordan McMahon kicked 'that' goal even though the official record shows that Richmond won the game entirely through their own skill and there was no nefarious activities afoot at all apart from a few ill-advised gags cracked here and there.
P.S: This product, the person who is listing it and absolutely everything else about it is not connected to or endorsed by the Melbourne Football Club. But we do love them with all our hearts xoxoxoxox
P.P.S: This is real, and if I have to arrange Darren Kowal to be pictured handing over a giant cheque on our behalf to prove it I will do so.