Grand Final Day Review

Pre Match
The entertainment - If Powderfinger aren't the dullest band ever to be declared 'popular' then I'm not here. Even Coldplay and Radiohead look charismatic in comparison. The entire concept was far from the worst ever (Kath and fucking Kim in a hovercraft anyone?) but it was nothing special. What the buggery was up with people swinging around with giant poles up their clacker? Looked more like an artistic BDSM installation than a grand final.

The crowd
Looks like a few legitimate fans managed to sneak their way in amongst the glory hunters and corporate swine. I'm sure the AFL are working on ways to try and stamp out this offensive practice in time for next year.

Game
I had Tom Lonergan for first goalkicker on the basis that having his kidney destroyed by Brad Miller practically made him a Melbourne player. And in the absence of any actual ex-Melbourne players giving it the Steve Armstrong "You sacked me and I've won more flags than you have in 40 years so fuck you" routine that was close enough for me. Good enough for first goalkicker anyway, I was sort of going for Hawthorn due to the fact that Clarkson played two pretty much forgettable seasons for us at the arse end of his career and Todd Viney is one of their assistant coaches. So I got the cash for Lonergan AND the Hawks by 25-42. Which was nice. Would have got the quarter quad if it had been two points closer. Which would have been nicer.

Oh, the actual game? Who cares - somebody won, somebody lost. We'd all laugh at Geelong if Melbourne had been capable of winning anything ever, but as it stands they're still a shitload better than us so good luck to them. Surely my theory that a Premiership buys a decade of stress relief must count for something. I can't see myself being THAT shattered if I was a Geelong fan - sure you lost after one of the best seasons ever but last year's win MUST be consolation enough. Throw a bread roll at Luke Hodge when you see him if you want, but at least acknowledge the fact that you're doing a lot better than anyone who follows Footscray, Melbourne, St. Kilda, Richmond or Freo. Actually Freo fans deserve whatever they get.

Coverage
Who gives a rats about analysis? We were too busy watching the Top 40 allegedly "Banned Videos" on VH1 in the breaks. In what jurisdiction was Baby Got Back banned? A country who didn't like big butts? I may have had far too much to drink but I recall turning the volume up to maximum when Killing In The Name Of came on and yelling "Fuck you I won't do what you tell me!" a few times. Would make a great theme song - take notes GC17 and the West Sydney Farce.

Emo
If I hadn't rebelled against the suburb of my birth at seven years of age and decided that I would go for whoever played Hawthorn in the '88 Grand Final then I'd be face down a pool of my own emissions in celebration at Glenferrie Oval right now rather than trying to find some joy in the performance of Stef Martin in the Grand Final sprint.