Monday 9 April 2007

Marjorie Wilson Appreciation Day

Who is Marjorie Wilson? Exactly the same question I was asking when they spent the entire first half trying to locate her by the scoreboard and PA system. And frankly I'd rather write a thousand word post about Marjorie and why exactly they wanted to speak to her than mention ten words about the game, but as ground announcements died for me the day they shut the Bay 6 administration office in the ground floor of the Olympic Stand I may as well rant like a mofo and get it off my chest.

First, some random thoughts;

a) How much does the guy in the "protect yourself against criminals" ad they play on the big screen look like Mark Jamar?
b) Apart from his goals how criminal was the performance of Mark Jamar?
c) Does the clown in our cheersquad with the #69 jumper actually believe that it's an amusing gag? The closest to a 69 he's ever likely to be involved in is the fact that he's clearly a cock.

And now some not so random whinging. We're shit. I'm aware that I spazzed out in the same fashion at this time last year but this time I mean it. We won't make the 8 this year - the way we are playing we will be luckily to make the final 15. If Neitz and Robertson are out who is supposed to kick our goals? Green has tried and failed in that role, Dunn is simultaneously injured and too young, Holland just can't kick straight. It's looking very VERY grim. And who does Clint Bizzell have to root to get a game? The poor bastard may as well just pull the pin and retire if he can't get in in front of Bell, Johnson, Brown and Godfrey.

No doubt about it Hawthorn are an emerging side, and obviously they watched the video last week's game a hundred times because they did the exact same thing to us that St. Kilda did last week. We kick a few goals at the start, things are looking positive and then they clamp down on the midfield and strangle us out of it. Cue mass panic as targets start being missed, wild handballs are thrown around, free kicks are needlessly given away and Jamar starts dropping pinpoint passes on the chests of opposition players just outside their own 50. They're not a final 8 side yet but neither, it seems, are we. In nearly 20 years of this shit I don't think I've felt a season go from expectation to depression this quick - last year was bad enough but this has been a heartbreakingly shite fortnight and I don't see any way back given the upcoming fixtures.

Davey has done nothing in two weeks and while I appreciate the fact that he never stops chasing and is always at it somebody needs to address the problem ASAP, and the next person to tell me all about Travis Johnstone and his laser like disposal can fuck off.

What else is there to say? We played soft, unaccountable football again. Somehow despite being softer than butter we managed to give away a tonne of free kicks as well for stupid things like falling on top of people when they'd already gone to ground. We were smashed like guitars in the centre of the ground by players with infinitely less experience, and the kicking inside 50 was comically rubbish even before Robertson went off and left us completely without a target to kick to. At one point they were 40pts clear and it was starting to look ugly before they ran out of gas and allowed us to be cockteased all the way back to 7pts before they started playing again and put the game away. Doesn't matter who you put on Mark Williams he'll wreck us every time - same as Jeff Farmer in that he always runs riot against us and you may as well just lay back, cop it and hope that the rest of the side can get the job done. Today they couldn't - quelle surprise!

And a note to the clowns at the back chanting during the third quarter,

a) To be in a grog squad you should at least be legal drinking age
b) Just because you've been to three V***ory games doesn't mean every sport would be enhanced with pre-pubescent voiced bullshit
c) At least get more than three generic chants
d) "Can you hear the Demons sing" makes absolutely no sense when the ground isn't segregated or carved up between the supporters in the slightest.
e) Fuck off and die you little cunts.

I like Neale Daniher, I really do - but I'm dying to see what somebody else would do with this list. Who they'd sack, who they'd pick, who they'd drop. I guess I just want somebody who'll go off his tits when we lose and throw plates of chicken at people. No more Mr. Nice Guy, let's get some nutbag Ivan Milat style figure like Dean Laidley (but not Dean Laidley) in to go apeshit at people.


Must we?

5 - Bruce
4 - McDonald
3 - Miller (Still does stupid things every second time he touches the ball but today took TWO (!) CONTESTED (!!) MARKS (!!!) and slotted three goals. It's a step forward at least)
2 - Jones (Ran hard. Tackled hard. Enthusiastic at least)
1 - Bate (Yes, he was the king of klang and dropped a sitter right in front but at least he presented and ran his heart out all day. Sadly that's all that it takes to gets you a vote in this abortion of a side)

I am aware that Nathan Brown had about 30 touches but I deducted the total of times they came to absolutely nothing and he came out with no votes. He runs his heart out but he's losing touch fast.

2007 A.J Medal Leaderboard

8 - McDonald
6 - Bruce
5 - Neitz
4 - Jones
3 - Miller
2 - Moloney
1 - Bate
1 - Jones

Next week: If there's any justice in the football world Geelong will beat us by three figures. Having said this just when you think you know the answers Melbourne usually change the questions so expect them to go in without Neitz or Robertson and win by ten goals with Simon Godfrey and Daniel Bell sharing 13 between them.

Initial instinct is to move interstate/overseas to get away from this slop, but somehow it has a hold of me and I'll be trapped here forever aimlessly wandering around and waiting for them to win something more farking prestigious than the Eastern Football League Division Four.

And that's all the analysis you're going to get out of me today. This is me reporting, live from the top of MCG light tower #4 about to jump out.

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