Round 110: FIGHT!*

(* I'm just assuming it's been 110 seasons. You do the math, I can't be bothered)

Whisper it quietly but the new season starts in three days. For us anyway, there are six other games on involving teams that we don't give a monkey's about. Whisper it even more quietly but our entire season weighs on this very match. An extraordinary dramatic statement from somebody prone to extreme pessimism you may think but as far as I'm concerned it's valid.

There's no doubt teams can rebound from surprise round one losses to storm the season. Remember, if you dare, when we stitched up North in the first game of '97 and then proceeded to do fuck all for the rest of the year while they went to a Preliminary Final. This time, though, we are dealing with an entirely different beast altogether. We're talking about a club that has made a name for itself in the for it's spectacular Hindenberg style disasters in the last two seasons. We're talking about a team that only made the finals last year on the back of a lucky but deserved 1pt win in Geelong, a 3pt victory over Footscray which was wholly undeserved and a lacklustre 10pt win over the worst Essendon side in years. The rematch with Geelong was a whitewash, and even with apologies for the black death injury plague we suffered during the game there was no doubt they were the better team. It pains me to say it but despite having one of our best lists in the last decade we're not worthy of respect coming into this season.

And don't be delusional and think that Carlton can't beat us. Fevola and Whitnall might one of the handful of half decent players they have but remember that our defence has been absolutely shithouse at times in the last few years AND Jared Rivers is out injured. This leaves Nicholson, Carroll and Ferguson as our tall backs. I've no faith in Nicho unless he's playing against Matthew Richardson and even though I like his work Ferguson is no strength match for either of them. Carroll's performance against Matthew Lloyd in Round 22 would hint that he's maturing into a better player than I gave him credit for in the past but I remember him slaughtering Barry Hall in the last round of '03 and not doing anything for the next two years. A R22 specialist perhaps? Should have traded him to Richmond.

Also injured - McLean, Bizzell and Holland. Add that to the criminally underdone Bruce and Moloney and if I were the sort of corrupt bastard who bet against his own team I'd be getting right on the Blues under 20 points @ 6-1. Neitz showed nothing in the pre-season until the last game and I fail to see where it will get us to have a high scoring shootout of a match. If the midfield leaks and the defence collapses we are, quite simply, bollocksed.

Or maybe we'll win by 200? What do I know.

My 2006 Ladder, as dissected by the Demonblog Super Computer.

1. St. Kilda
2. West Coast
3. Geelong
4. Adelaide
5. Sydney
6. North Melbourne
7. Melbourne
8. Brisbane
---
9. Fremantle
10. Richmond
11. Port Adelaide
12. Essendon
13. Collingwood
14. Bulldogs (don't be fooled by their late season form. They're flops)
15. Hawthorn
16. Carlton

Premiers: West Coast
Brownlow: Not one of our players
Coleman: Neither
First player named for being a junkie: [DELETED FOR LEGAL REASONS]

UPDATE

Melbourne's Squad
N.Brown, N.Carroll, M.Whelan, A.Yze, R.Ferguson, D.Ward, B.Green, C.Bruce, B.Moloney, B.Pickett, B.Miller, A.Davey, P.Johnson, D.Neitz, R.Roberston, J.White, C.Sylvia, T.Johnstone, S.Motlop, A.Nicholson, C.Bartram, M.Jamar, J.McDonald, M.Bate, N.Jones

Make of that what you will. I'm not even getting into preferred lineups. Cross your fingers, hope for good luck and NEVER LISTEN TO WHAT AN OFFICIAL WEBSITE SAYS. EVER.

And buy a membership cheapskate.

'Captain is alive' shock result.

Neitz LIVES!

Just when you thought he had been reduced to playing the starring role in cheap opening ceremonies the captain spanks North's first choice side and gives us some hope for the new season. See also a cameo from BP (Bargearse Pickett) and I've got 7% more hope for the upcoming year than I did yesterday. This indicates we will finish 6th instead of 8th before getting knocked out in the first week.

Melbourne skipper David Neitz has jagged five goals to help the Demons hold off a determined Kangaroos outfit by 22 points at Princes Park on Friday afternoon, in the final round of the 2006 NAB Challenge.

The Demons 19.7 (121) defeated the Kangaroos 15.9 (99) to finish their pre-season with three wins and one defeat, while the Roos enter the premiership season with just one victory - over last year's premiers Sydney in the opening round of the NAB Cup.

Although Melbourne led for the entire match, the Demons were seriously challenged by the Kangaroos in the third quarter. The red and blue led by eight goals mid-way through the quarter, but the Roos fought back to trail by less than two goals at the final change.

But the story of the match was the strong return to form from Neitz, who led strongly, marked well and had his kicking boots on against new Kangaroos' full-back Jonathan Hay.

The Melbourne skipper will enter the premiership season full of confidence, after an injury-marred 2005.

Along with Neitz, live-wire forward Aaron Davey (four goals), Byron Pickett (three) and Paul Johnson (two) were also key players in Melbourne's attacking zone. Davey capped off a fine pre-season, finishing the pre-season with 10 goals.

Veteran Daniel Ward, playing his first official pre-season match, was among Melbourne's best, while ruckman Jeff White, hard-at-it running defender Matthew Whelan, the ever-reliable Nathan Brown and emerging youngster Col Sylvia also stood tall.

The only sour point for Melbourne was a leg injury to Clint Bizzell just minutes before the end of the match.

For the Kangaroos, key forward Nathan Thompson was also not to be outdone, also booting five goals - and was arguably his side's best - while Sav Rocca also bobbed up with two majors.

Brady Rawlings continued his excellent pre-season for the Roos, winning the ball about 30 times, while teammates Shannon Grant, Daniel Harris and Jess Sinclair were also prominent for the Roos.

Promoted rookie Josh Gibson continues to look a player - having been a terrific low-budget find - while youngster Jess Smith again showed his class at times. Unfortunately, though, he was taken from the field in the final term in the hands of trainers.

Melbourne went into the match without leaders Russell Robertson, Cameron Bruce and Brad Miller, while regulars Jared Rivers, Brock McLean, Ben Holland and Daniel Bell were also missing.

On the other hand, the Kangaroos were virtually at full strength with skipper Adam Simpson the only major omission.

Melbourne started the match in emphatic style. The Demons booted seven goals to two - including the opening five majors - to gain a 30-point lead at the first change.

Neitz (three goals) and Davey (two goals) shone during this period, while Thompson was the lone goalkicker for the Roos with two majors.

The Kangas fought back early in the second term with a hat-trick of goals, reducing the deficit to just 12 points. But when Davey jagged his third and Adem Yze kicked truly later in the quarter, the Demons took an 18-point lead into the main break.

Brown (15 disposals), Ward (14) and Bizzell (14) were the major ball-winners for the Demons in the first half, while B.Rawlings (16 possessions) led the way for the Kangaroos.

The match looked set to be over mid-way through the third term after Melbourne slammed five in a row, running away to a 48-point lead.

Neitz booted his fourth and Pickett added a couple and a thrashing dished out to the Kangaroos looked on the cards, until the Roos began a super revival.

The Kangas booted six goals to zip in less than 15 minutes to enter the final stanza trailing by just 10 points.

Although a fascinating final term loomed, Melbourne booted five goals to three in the final term to win comfortably.

No respect

A colossal "fuck you" to whoever is in charge of the mobile phone version of the AFL website. Not only did they decide that tonight's NAB Cup semi-final was between Adelaide and Hawthorn rather than Adelaide and Melbourne, but they then gave the score of the home team to the away team (Hawthorn) thus fooling me briefly, without any access to a tv or radio, into believing we were pissing it in. It was only when the margin got slightly ridiculous that I sought clarification and found out we were the ones getting slaughtered. Even though according to their own website, which continued updating throughout, it was the home team Adelaide who were copping it.

Confused? I certainly was. When you're watching one sport, trying to avoid the scores of another and trying to get the correct scores of a third and they start pulling this shit on you it gets into "mental meltdown territory". I thought it was reasonable to assume that even if they had accidentally typed Hawthorn in instead of Melbourne that when Adelaide was the home team on the screen, and the home team in real life that whatever score the other team had was what the team who was playing them at that very minute had. Too much to ask perhaps? The worst thing was that when I opened their fixtures page to confirm that they had indeed lost the plot it insisted that the game was most certainly Adelaide vs Hawthorn. Cocks. Utter cocks.

I know Melbourne are shit, have been shit for many a year and will probably continue to be shit until the end of time but did nobody notice that the game they were updating didn't feature one of the teams whose score they were typing in? Morons.

P.S - So I guess Sylvia wins the medal. Unless I see another pre-season game this year or can find somewhere else to throw votes around.

For The Tip

I hate the pre-season. No really, I loathe it. You play in a plastic cup with gimmick rules where the penalty for winning is getting to pay another $15 next week to watch half-hearted football. And the penalty for losing is a trip to Morwell to see half your team do their knees on a ground that until Friday 5pm was a primary school carpark. The football frenzy was on in Melbourne tonight as a grand total of 11000 people bothered to show up to Telstra Dome for Melbourne vs Brisbane. You'd think more people would be greatful to show up and hand over their cash to the AFL given the amount the league has forked out to us over the years, but it turned out nobody could be bothered. Even 11k was generous, I would have estimated it at about 7. They must have hired the same crowd counting people as the A-League.

You'll be pleased to know that I bought my membership before the match. You'll be frankly digusted to know that I lost the "membership pack" they gave me within ten minutes of entering the ground. Which is a shame because I quite fancied the pen. After fighting through the frenzied, one hundred deep crowds to get into the game I ran into the traditional pre-season gimmick of closing the top level and denying me my traditional "back row of the whole place" seat. Swine.

The first quarter was fairly pedestrian. Long term readers should know by now that this is the last place you want to be for actual match reportage, so in short Sylvia ran riot and Byron "He used to be a dirty thug, but now that we've signed him he's a gun" Pickett has the biggest ass I've seen since Sir Mix A Lott's "Baby Got Back". I don't understand the logic behind putting him in the forward line, but as it's been conclusively proven in the last year my analysis talent is non-existant so I'll defer to the judgement of the coaching staff for now. Despite outplaying the Lions all over the park we somehow found ourselves two points down at the first break. Courtesy mainly of a rare 3pt rushed behind penalty after Whelan slapped the ball at the line and then stood back and watched it roll over. Fair call too, if they're going to implement the gimmick rules they should at least have the balls to enforce them. The only people who go homicidally mad about decisions in the pre-season are usually complete morons anyway, so who cares what they think. Right sports fans?

By half time we were two goals up and Sylvia was still cutting sick. Throwing tackles everywhere, chasing, bumping and harassing. Davey was also killing it and Robertson was coming into the game as well. The captain was absolutely nowhere to be seen and I do worry about his contribution this season, I think he's really starting to lose the plot. We definately looked better with the more mobile Robbo at FF, and when Miller started to dominate across CHF it started to tip in our favour. Midway through the third we were 5 goals up and my "never bet your own team, except this time" 25-42 bet was looking very much in the mix. Then young lion Mitchell Clark (not to be confused with the Michael Clark who played 1 game for us in 2001 for 1 goal and was never seen again) decided to tear the increasingly lost Nicholson to shreds and within a few minutes we had surrendered the lead. Sanity prevailed and the man we will NEVER EVER REFER TO AS JACK (apart from this time) was given the arse and replaced with the increasingly capable Nathan Carroll. The tide stemmed from then on and Sylvia got back into it, goals from Robertson and Davey giving us a 9pt lead. Then, with absolutely nobody expecting it, the siren went and we won. How exciting. Why do they play the song for the pre-season cup? Why does anyone sing it? WHY DO THE PLAYERS SING IT? If my left-wing support group gets it's way the players will be banned from doing one line of it in the regular season. The only time you'll see people linking arms and belting it out will be in the finals.

The Lions were without half their squad but consider what's going to happen when we add Bruce/McLean/Moloney/Bell/Yze (if he can be bothered and is not half crippled) and Bizzell back into the squad. This is a top team. In Sylvia, Bargearse Pickett, Neitz, Miller, Moloney, Read and McLean they've finally assembled a lineup of hardmen. No more will we need to rely on the plastic gangster faction of Green and Bruce to try and intimidate people. In an ideal world the Psychopath Group will do all the murderous rage stuff, leaving the ultra-talented but ultimately soft core to clean up and kick us towards victory. It's the perfect scenario. You might read that as a critiscm but I think it's perfectly valid, you have to admit that some players might be as skillful as anyone else going around but they'll never be hardmen. Thus you bring some world class thugs in as well to complement them.

Votes - in the abridged "Sean Charles Flash In The Pan Pre-Season Medal"

5 - Colin Sylvia
4 - Russell Robertson
3 - Aaron Davey
2 - Chris Johnson
1 - Brad Green

Hard luck to everyone who played well when I completely forgot to watch last weeks game. Sylvia must now be the overwhelming favourite to take this coveted trophy, and go into the regular season as a raging hot Jakovich Medal favourite.

Apologies to Whelan, Miller and Johnstone. I'm sure they'll be shattered to miss out. Bartram was good too, especially in throwing tackles around. There is also no doubt that Rex Hunt will refer to Matthew Bate as "Master" and cause thousands of red hot Aussie bogans to piss themselves laughing. You heard it here first.

No apologies to Pickett and his sweet hockey body or Nicholson for being the highest paid witches hat in the country.

Adoption Watch: Demonblog's own Paul Wheatley had 9 touches, didn't do much of interest but didn't do much wrong either. I think people were expecting him to rock up and start smashing 9pt goals in with ease. Idiots.

Next Friday night: Melbourne vs Hawthorn OR Adelaide. Where I have no idea, but I'm praying it's not Hawthorn because as we all know - and it's a phenomenon we've all participated in before - people who follow rotten clubs treat the pre-season competition like it's actually meaningful. This is the first time we've given it the contempt it deserves in year and we're into the semi's. I'm for that angle. Against Adelaide (providing it's here) gives us a smaller crowd and less "OMG WE MUST WIN THIS. IT'S IMPERATIVE FOR THE FUTURE OF OUR CLUB" angst.

Meanwhile according to the book on the front of the Football Record (which I sure as hell didn't pay for) we're going to finish 12th this year. Apparently Essendon will finish above us for no better reason than the fact that they signed Chris Heffernan. AH + HA + HA. Fuck the Football Record and fuck the AFL. Let's get this pre-season trash over with and start the real season.

Whoops

I thought the game was tomorrow night. I really did. But even with our gimmick lineup we won. I'm telling you the Bulldogs will be shit this year, it's my ace prediction.

Have the afl.com.au report. I've become confused already and the season hasn't even started yet.

Robbo slots winning goal
12:02:28 AM Sat 25 February, 2006
Jason Phelan
Exclusive to afl.com.au

A Russell Robertson goal in teeming rain with less than three minutes remaining has given Melbourne a memorable 0.9.15 (69) to 1.7.12 (63) victory against the Western Bulldogs at Marrara Oval in Darwin on Friday night.

Scores were tied for much of the frenetic final term with the Dogs missing a golden opportunity when Brad Johnson sprayed a set shot wide just a minute before Robertson iced the win after marking strongly in front.

Thunderstorms during the day made conditions difficult for the players in a match that was played in hot and steamy tropical conditions.

With several high-profile Demons not taking part in the match, the near full-strength Bulldogs were highly-favoured to come away with the win, but it was Melbourne that held sway in the early running.

Aaron Davey was a livewire from the outset and he got the ball rolling for the Dees with the first two goals of the match. Melbourne was full of running and had the Dogs' defence under plenty of pressure before Robert Murphy opened his side's account with a booming nine-pointer.

It failed to stem the tide, however, with goals to Robertson and James McDonald giving the Demons an 18-point lead at quarter-time.

Byron Pickett had been unsighted in the first term, but he goaled with his first kick in a Melbourne guernsey early in the second to set alarm bells ringing for the Bulldogs.

Cameron Faulkner got on the end of a slick passage of play to edge the Dogs closer and his goal seemed to provide the spark that his side had been missing. The run that has become the trademark of the Bulldogs under Rodney Eade returned and Murphy - playing closer to goal - banged through successive majors to reduce the deficit to nine points.

Davey continued to exert his influence on the match and moved the Demons 17 points clear at half-time with his third goal.

However, Dale Morris was moved onto Davey at the start of the third quarter and he was able to keep him in check to a large extent. With the main attacking option for the opposition shut down, the Dogs made their move, slamming through three goals to nil to grab the lead with Murphy again in the action with his fourth.

The Bulldogs started the last quarter leading by just five points, but appeared set to run away with the contest when Johnson goaled early. Shannon Motlop had played well for much of the evening and kept his side in it with a quick answering goal and Robertson swung the pendulum right back in Melbourne's favour with a goal one minute later.

Both sides were out on their feet as the match wore on, but it was the stand-in skipper for the Dees who stood tall in the dying minutes and coolly slotted the winner.

Melbourne will now face Brisbane in a quarter-final clash at Telstra Dome next Friday night after the Lions snuck home against Essendon at Carrara.


WESTERN BULLDOGS: 1.0.1, 1.3.4, 1.6.9, 1.7.12 (63)
MELBOURNE: 0.4.4, 0.6.12, 0.6.13, 0.9.15 (69)

NINE-POINT GOALS: Western Bulldogs: Murphy
Melbourne: Nil
SIX-POINT GOALS: Western Bulldogs: Murphy 3, Faulkner, Johnson, Giransiracusa, Minson
Melbourne: Davey 3, Robertson 3, McDonald, Pickett, Motlop
BEST: Western Bulldogs: Giansiracusa, Gilbee, Murphy, West, McMahon, Morris
Melbourne: Johnstone, Davey, Yze, Robertson, Motlop, Rivers
INJURIES: Western Bulldogs: Gilbee (leg)
Melbourne: Bizzell (back)
REPORTS: None
UMPIRES: Jeffery, Donlon, Woodcock, Grun
At Marrara Oval, Darwin

Like a red headed stepchild

Ladies and gentlemen,

Please welcome Demonblog's adopted player for 2006. We give you,



the man named after a harvestable crop. No, not Bob Corn. Not this year anyway. We've ended up with Paul Wheatley in Big Footy's "Adopt A Player" thread. What exactly this means is still a mystery to everyone, and I was spewing to come in too late to nab Demonblog's own Philthy Phil Read, but we'll be following the performance of our finest #31 since Rod Keogh closely during the year.

Where's "Adopt a Historical Figure"? I want Jakovich.

Pre-Season Fever

Hands up who really takes intra-club games seriously? For every player going ballistic and having a hundred touches it usually means that he was playing against somebody who is also contracted to us and happens to be shit. At least wait until the gimmick practice matches against Fremantle in Bunbury to start making decisions about who's a gun and who is for the tip.

Not that I was actually there today, but when has that ever stopped anyone from providing quality reportage. Either that or I could just pilfer the afl.com.au report instead,

Russell Robertson kicked an attention-grabbing five goals, but Melbourne looks to have found a ready-made senior player in top draft choice Nathan Jones after the solidly built youngster starred in Friday's intra-club match at Victoria Park.

Jones, who turned 18 last month, was taken at pick 12 by the Demons in last year's NAB AFL draft after a stellar season at under 18 level which culminated in 36 touches in a losing side in the TAC Cup grand final.

And in his first hit-out at senior level the 179cm pocket rocket showed why he was regarded as one of the fittest players in the TAC Cup last year as well as the best ball winners as he helped himself to more than 20 possessions in an eye-catching performance that has almost certainly ensured him a place in the Demons' side for the first round NAB Cup game against the Western Bulldogs in Darwin next week.

However what made Jones' performance even more noticeable was the fact his 85kg body already looks capable of standing up to senior level football as showed when he courageously stood under a high ball in the opening minutes and was met heavily only to immediately get up and keep playing.

And his smother directly off the boot resulting in yet another possession in the second term had the couple of hundred Demons' fans in attendance in raptures.

After the game Melbourne coach Neale Daniher attempted to play down the excitement over Jones but was candid when asked whether his performance ensured a place in the NAB Cup next week.

"I would have thought so," Daniher said.

Daniher was more effusive over the performance of the Demons' top draft choice from the previous year in Matthew Bate, a wingman who did not play in the AFL last year but was a member of Sandringham's VFL premiership side.

"Matthew Bate is ready to play and that's what you take out of a game like this," he said.

"We will take Bate to Darwin and we think we might have a footballer there this year."

In hot conditions, which Daniher said was an ideal preparation for next Friday's clash in the tropical heat of the Top End, the Demons also unveiled some exciting rookie list players.

The first was 18-year-old Andre Gianfagna, who began the game by kicking two goals (one a great goal on the run from near the boundary) on Brad Green while 19-year-old Daniel Hughes - a player Daniher described in the Cameron Bruce mould - also looked promising.

However another rookie in defender Matthew Warnock had a far tougher morning opposed to a red-hot Robertson, who was easily the most eye-catching of the Demons' senior players.

Robertson kicked 5.4 and took two of his trademark screamers to show he is more than capable of matching last year's fantastic season in which he kicked 73 goals and was considered the most unlucky player to miss All-Australian selection.

"He is a good player that Russell Robertson," Daniher joked after the match before praising the performance of young Warnock.

"It was a good experience for young Matty, we have got a lot of faith in him and we might take him away to Darwin next week."

The Demons were without skipper David Neitz (resting), Daniel Ward (calf), Brent Moloney (shoulder) and Ben Holland (finger) and that quartet will all miss next week's NAB Cup opener, but Brock McLean and Phil Read could play after missing the intra-club match with minor niggles.

Veteran midfielder Simon Godfrey (rolled ankle) was the only player injured on Friday but will play in Darwin while other players to impress were new recruit Byron Pickett, experienced trio Clint Bizzell, Mark Jamar and Shannon Motlop - who all look much fitter, youngster Chris Johnson and the classy Travis Johnstone, who racked up possession after possession until being rested early in the third quarter.

This bit should concern anyone,

The first was 18-year-old Andre Gianfagna, who began the game by kicking two goals (one a great goal on the run from near the boundary) on Brad Green

Was Gianfagmania running riot, or has Green completely lost the plot? Personally I'm favor of flogging him off to the highest bidder at the end of the year - if we can extort a first round pick from a dud side on the basis of his goalkicking alone it'll be the biggest scandal around. Good news for us if the Pies are rubbish again and their mutant fans start clattering for "big" signings. He played for Manchester United once you know, in case you missed that nugget of information on one of the 9545 occasions commentators have pointed it out.

Roll on Darwin and the Bulldogs. We're taking the pre-season cup lightly this year, and they're huge candidates to be hyped by everyone and do nothing so if we plaster them I'll start thinking about finals football. Until then nothing has been proven and we still exist in some sort of existential footballing limbo.

Next week: Nietschze, Nihilism and how it fits perfectly into being a Melbourne fan.